Alternative Draft Week – First Blood 2: The Mission

Posted on March 22, 2010 | by admin

Welcome to Alternative Draft Week. Wahhhoooo! This week, we’re going to be tackling different drafts of movies you know that, for one reason or another, weren’t chosen as the coveted “Shooting Draft.” Some might shock you. Some have great stories behind them. And there might be a surprise or two. Roger’s going to get us started with a draft of First Blood 2 by…James Cameron??? Hell yes he is. In the meantime, if you haven’t already, get your votes in for your Top Ten Favorite Scripts.

Genre: Action
Premise: Released from prison by Federal Order, John Rambo returns to Vietnam so he can document the possible existence of POWs for the CIA. Refusing to merely photograph the evidence and let the US Government sweep the issue under the rug, Rambo makes it his personal mission to free the POWs. By any means necessary.
About: One of James Cameron’s first professional screenwriting jobs. The story goes is that Cameron had three desks set up in his house, where he was working on three different screenplays at once. At one desk, he was writing The Terminator. On another, he was writing Aliens. And at the third desk, he was writing this, First Blood 2: The Mission.
Writer: James Cameron


“Rambo: First Blood Part 2” is the bloodstained crown jewel of my 80s Action DVD collection. The finale is like the third act of Avatar in the Vietnamese jungle, but instead of Jake Sully and the thousands of Na’vi it’s just the one man army himself, John Rambo, mass-murdering the VC and Soviets in increasingly entertaining ways. It’s such a chaotic crescendo of violence it’s hard to pull your eyes away the first time you’re watching it (but why would you want to?).

But first, it’s only appropriate we all thank a friend of the blog, a fellow screenwriter (who ain’t too shabby himself) and cinephile so well-versed I’m convinced he’s a film historian, a guy we all know from the comments section as JJ.1. He spent a considerable amount of time retyping the entirety of this script into his computer so he could create a PDF file for everyone to read and enjoy. Without his efforts we wouldn’t have this James-Cameron-80s-Action-Script artifact to study and include in our collections.
Interesting side note: Gonzo Journalism figurehead Hunter S. Thompson retyped F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby and Hemingway’s A Farewell To Arms in their entirety to get a worm’s eye view of the style and the storytelling.
Which makes me think that picking a favorite script to retype is probably not a bad project to undertake if you’re serious about learning your craft.
One thing I wish every novice screenwriter had was a mentor/veteran they could apprentice themselves to. If the master and apprentice relationship worked for Renaissance painters, why couldn’t it work for modern day screenwriters? Perhaps the closest model we have is the showrunner-staff writer relationship for television shows.
Is Cameron’s draft much different from Sly Stallone’s draft?
It’s the same dance, but the steps are a little different.
Cameron’s draft has some extra characters we focus on: The pilot’s crew, a POW named De Fravio, and most notably a sidekick named Brewer. The plot has some meatier details, bloodier action and more bombastic moments. Overall, Cameron is willing to let Rambo share the spotlight with Brewer and De Fravio, and I daresay the story is richer for it. The willingness to focus on De Fravio makes the theme shine.
Stallone took Cameron’s detailed script and streamlined it. Vetoed the Brewer character (which was to be played by Travolta), made De Fravio nameless (taking away his lines of dialogue) and he also tweaked the kills so they were less complicated to film. He also gave Rambo his signature weapon, a bow, which made many of the kills more intimate, more personal (so we as an audience could connect with the war he was personally fighting inside himself).
Stallone boiled the elements down to make a simple concept, well, simpler. It’s not a bad trade-off, persay. Just different.
I don’t know anything about Rambo, Rog. Can you fill me in?
The original “First Blood” is more of a psychological thriller where a Vietnam vet is targeted by a paranoid sheriff in the town of Hope, Washington. He’s arrested and mistreated, triggering some nasty flashbacks that culminates with Rambo escaping out of the jail. He wounds the deputies in the woods nearby, plots revenge against the cruel sheriff, but ultimately turns himself in to his former commander, Colonel Trautman.
It’s kind of a sad tale, and makes you think twice about war veterans.
But no matter, “First Blood 2: The Mission” is a satisfying continuation of this vet’s story. If the first film was about creating a tortured figure we can sympathize with, the second flick is all about letting this guy out of his cage so we can watch him kill shit. He’s set loose in the same jungle where all his inner conflict was born, and he finally gets to exorcise some of these inner demons.
Through violence, of course.
What’s the mission?
Colonel Trautman arrives at the Veterans Administration Hospital to discover that Rambo is being held in an isolation cell that hasn’t been used since the Spanish Inquisition.
Rambo laments that back in ‘Nam, he flew million dollar gunships but now no one trusts him to park cars. He’s the last survivor of his Special Forces unit and he feels like he’s coming out of his skin. Even though he’s won a handful of medals, including five Purple Hearts, we learn that all he really wanted was one person to come up to him and say, “You did good, John.”
And mean it.
To which Trautman says, “You just picked the wrong war to be a hero in.”
It’s tragic, but before we can dwell on that, Rambo is taken outside and introduced to Kirkhill (Murdoch in Stallone’s draft), a CIA spook. He’s part of the Special Operations Unit and he’s authorized to free Rambo.
But only if Rambo is willing to take a job in the Democratic Republic of Vietnam and find some POWs. Rambo’s only scruple is that he doesn’t like to work with spooks (not since Cambodia), but he can’t resist rescuing fellow soldiers. He’s in.
Where are the POWs?
An abandoned Vietnam army base in the highlands may have a compound that’s being used as an internment camp.
It’s a two phase operation: Recon and rescue.
But Rambo is part of the recon phase, not part of the assault team. He’s only supposed to take photos to confirm the presence of POWs.
At this point, Rambo senses there’s something fishy in Denmark.
And he’s right.
There’s a subcommittee leaning on Kirkhill’s back. The League of Families is pressuring Congress so Congress is pressuring the CIA. The US government really doesn’t want to find any POWs (who wants to spend billions of dollars in war reparations to get a few guys back whose brains are in a blender?), they just want the League off their backs.
But they have to make a good show of it. Uncle Sam’s orders.
So Rambo has a sidekick in Cameron’s draft, right?
Yeah, whom he meets in Bangkok when he cuts in front of Rambo whilst waiting in line for a taxi. Rambo overhears the guy giving his cover away to a prostitute, and he quickly yanks the guy out of the taxi and threatens to kill him.
This is Brewer.
A young buck Rambo is shackled to who blew up a Colonel’s golf cart with his M-19. “He wasn’t in it or anything…it was the symbolic value.” He took the job to get out of the brig and sees the outing as a chance to “have a Jacuzzi and get laid in Bangkok”.
At the operations base we meet the flight crew who are going to drop Rambo and Brewer into the jungle. They’re ex-Marines now working as private contractors.
A Cameron backstabber is always going to be a company man or merc who is always more loyal to money than personal responsibility, morals and honor (well, except for Colonel Quaritch from Avatar, who is more of a direct antagonist).
So what happens in the jungle?
Sans the moment where Rambo has to cut himself loose from the copter, the structure used in the movie is the same.
Our guys land in the jungle, where they quickly meet Night Orchid at the ruins of a fifteenth century Buddhist temple. Co Phuong Bo is their contact on this side of the terrain.
Co earned a Masters Degree in Economics from the University of Saigon, where she was recruited by the ARVN, whom we aided during the war. Her brother was a Captain in the ARVN who fled to the United States with her son to escape execution. The only catch was that she had to stay in Vietnam and work for them.
Co arranges them transportation via river pirates, and they infiltrate the camp where they quickly discover the existence of POWs. Not one to just let a guy suffer in a cage, Rambo frees a man named De Fravio, an Air Force Lieutenant who is now a walking skeleton.
They try to escape via the river pirates again, but get sold out. Of course, they kill the river pirates.
While they are hauling ass to the extraction point, Kirkhill learns that they’ve found a POW and he orders the helicopter to turn around. Trautman is on board the helicopter and pulls a gun on the pilot, but the merc’s pull their guns on him. They want their payday, so they’re going by Kirkhill’s orders.
So, our heroes are captured at the extraction point and this is where it really gets entertaining.
They’re tortured right?
Yep, and not only that, but Soviet Lt. Commander Podovsk arrives with his Russian muscle, Palyushin, to interrogate Rambo. “I was sent here because of my command of your language. It will be frustrating if we cannot have a nice chat. Very frustrating.”
They electrocute Rambo. It gets ugly when Podovsk reads a communications transcript to him, “It seems they intentionally abandoned you on direct orders.”
Okay, so the odds are stacking up against Rambo.
He’s got these fucking Russians, all the VC, and now Kirkhill has become an enemy.
How is Rambo going to get out of this mess, save the POWs, and get revenge?
Through a crescendoing series of escapes and kills that gives the 12 Trials of Hercules a run for its money.
So well in fact, that we can credit Cameron for creating yet another iconic character for our cultural story consciousness. The prototypical, modern day mythic action hero we know as Rambo.
Before Cameron’s involvement, Rambo was just a sad drifter that got pushed around one too many times. But he changed that. He spun the character, resurrecting him into something that burned into the minds of the populace, recreating him as something bigger than life.
It starts with an escape out of the POW camp with the help of Co. It’s pure mayhem and there’s a combined VC/Soviet Army on the hunt for two people.
Rambo stealthily breaks some necks, first with his bare hands, then with some vines. A dude dies when the muddy wall behind him reveals that it has eyeballs; the guy is gutted like a pig. Soldiers succumb to crossbow bolts. Palyushin’s helicopter arrives and kills Co with its minigun fire.
Co’s death results in the mass murder of our enemies.
The army traps Rambo in a field of elephant grass, but Rambo sets everyone on fire with gasoline. Palyushin starts dropping canisters of napalm on Rambo, but Rambo somehow gets into the helicopter and fistfights the big Russian. Things end badly for Palyushin when Rambo kills him at point blank range, INSIDE OF THE HELICOPTER, with the minigun.
So, Rambo takes the helicopter and goes back to the internment camp. Killing everyone. He rescues Brewer and the POWs, but is then pursued by Podovsk in his higher tech Soviet copter.
“Hell, this is just like fucking Star Wars, man!”
De Fravio is puzzled. “Star Wars?”
Brewer grins. “You’re gonna love it.”
There’s a minigun battle and Rambo manages to win. It’s cool, but I do prefer Stallone’s version where he feigns death, and suddenly pops up with a rocket launcher and takes out Podovsk.
Back at the operations base, Rambo has his moment with Kirkhill, scaring the shit out of him, “Mission accomplished.”
Then Rambo finally gets to hear what he always wanted to hear when De Fravio is being carted off on a stretcher, “You did good, buddy. Real good.”
So do you prefer one draft to another, Rog?
You know, I’m not sure. Stallone is using the structure and action beats Cameron laid out, sans some of the accoutrement. But I like many of Stallone’s changes. Particularly this dialogue exchange between Rambo and Co:
“That why they pick you? Because you like to fight?”
“I’m expendable.”
“Expendable. What mean expendable?”
“It’s like…when someone invites you to a party and you don’t show up. It doesn’t really matter.”
I think it’s a case of successful collaboration, where the movie just wouldn’t be the same without both of Cameron’s and Stallone’s involvement.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Planting and payoffs. There’s a moment in this story where Co infiltrates the internment camp by pretending to be a prostitute. It’s how she’s able to aid Rambo in his escape. Sounds a bit outlandish right? Why does it work? Because earlier, when our heroes first make it to the camp, they see that there’s a prostitute on bicycle propositioning the guards. They let her in. This is a case where a solution was planted in the plot early in the script. It lays the groundwork in the audience’s mind for what’s to come, and it pays off when Co uses it as a ruse. Do you have payoffs in your scripts without planting? Look through them. Without proper planting, those pay-off moments will come off as plot glitches.

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Weekly Rundown

Posted on March 19, 2010 | by admin

Friday is here, which means it’s time to celebrate our successful writing brethren. Some interesting stuff here. I always wondered why no one had adapted Myst yet. Of all the stupid things studios have chosen to adapt, Myst is probably the most cinematic and obvious choice for a video game adaptation as you can have. So Fincher has attached himself to “Pawn Sacrifice.” Bobby Fischer is an interesting character for sure but is he too complex for a movie of his life? Lots of ways to go with that story and I’m not convinced, after the first draft, that they know where to take it. Guggenheim is doing what all of us hope to do, which is once you sell that spec, capitalize on your earlier work. Can’t tell if it’s something serious or Home Alone in a police station but good for him. 2008 Nicholl winner “Butter” will finally make it to the big screen. Not a fan of the script but the writer is a really nice guy so I’m rooting for it. I’ve also included the release of the new Predators trailer. I don’t know about you but there’s something very light-weight about the concept for me. The guys are thrown on a planet to be hunted by Predators? Too easy. I feel like a bunch of 12 year olds goofing around at a birthday party could’ve come up with that idea. I was hoping for something a little more complex from Rodriquez. Anyway, here’s Jessica Hall with the rundown! :)

There’s an unconfirmed rumor floating around that Warner Bros. just took the rights to the MYST franchise. The 1993 video game puts the player in the role of the Stranger, who uses a special book to travel to the island of Myst.

David Fincher (CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON) is set to direct 2009 Black List scrip PAWN SACRIFICE. Steven Knight’s drama, starring Toby Maguire, tells the story of chess icon Bobby Fischer leading up to his historic world championship match against Boris Spassky. (http://bit.ly/ca17e6)

Newbie writer David Guggenheim sold his second project of 2010. The writer, who sold SAFE HOUSE to Universal back in February, found himself in another bidding war over PUZZLE PALACE. The teen thriller pitch landed at Summit with Temple Hill to produce, reportedly for high six-figures. Story follows a kid who gets locked in a police station trying to steal evidence and has to escape crooked cops to get out. (http://bit.ly/b2yMMH)

Summit also picked up a pitch by Cory Goodman (PRIEST). Timur Bekmambetov (WANTED) is attached to direct THE LAST WITCH HUNTER about one of the last witch hunters, a breed that keeps the population of witches and warlocks in check, who must stop a sudden population boom in the witches’ ranks. (http://bit.ly/aFNIsu)

2008 Black List script BUTTER is finally headed into production next month with The Weinstein Co. joining Michael De Luca Prods. and Vandalia Films. Jennifer Garner will star and Jim Field Smith (SHE’S OUT OF MY LEAGUE) will direct from the script by Jason Micallef. (http://bit.ly/cquF1e)

Richard Price (RANSOM) will do a production pass on COLD LIGHT OF DAY before Marbrouk El Mechri (JCVD) directs. Original script was by Scott Wiper and John Petro about a young Wall Street trader whose family is kidnapped on a vacation to Spain, leaving him with only hours to find them, uncover a government conspiracy and make the connection between their disappearance and his father’s secrets. (http://bit.ly/95kNoM)

Warner Bros. has picked up high-concept action-comedy STERLING from writers Mike Bender and Doug Chernack (TORRENTE). The pair is also behind awkwardfamilyphotos.com, which has spawned it’s own movie adaptation. (http://bit.ly/c9JvPq)

Keith Merryman and David A. Newman (OUTSOURCED) will adapt Steve Harvey’s bestseller “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” for Screen Gems. Book offers advice for women seeking to better understand their male counterparts. (http://bit.ly/9ATr8Y)

Sony picked up spec script ROAD TO NARDO from writers Andrew Waller and Mike Gagerman. Comedy, about two guys who go to Mexico to rescue their friend, will be Scot Armstrong’s directorial debut. Comedy writer Armstrong is responsible for OLD SCHOOL and SEMI PRO. (http://bit.ly/chhauL)

Jeff Stockwell (BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA) will adapt A WRINKLE IN TIME for Disney and Bedrock. Madeline L’Engle’s 1962 Newbery Medal-winning sci-fi novel revolves around three teenagers’ interplanetary mission to rescue their missing scientist father. They are counseled along the way by the mysterious trio of Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which.

New Line also announced Walter Salles (THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES) will direct Stockwell’s OUR WILD LIFE aka PEACEABLE KINGDOM. (http://bit.ly/bMddf5)

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Script Review – Burying The Ex

Posted on March 19, 2010 | by admin

Oooh oooh ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh (you have to imagine that in a dark spooky voice).  Come one, come all, to the return of……..HALLOWEEN WEEK!  We skipped it last year but it’s back with a vengeance baby! I just know it’s going to be fang-tastic.  Get it?  “Fang?”  As in the fangs of a vampire? Oh boy, I’m pathetic.  Seriously though, the only thing that scares me these days is another installment of Twilight.  Please, no more Robert Pattinson.  For the love of God NO MORE!  No but here’s the thing.  If I were a producer, I would greenlight EVERY ONE OF THE MOVIES I’m reviewing this week. Except for maybe one.  Now that doesn’t mean I liked all of them, but if I’m taking off my writer cap and putting on my producer cap, I could see all of these movies turning a profit.  Starting with today’s.  So grab your bag of mini-Snickers.  Halloween Week begins………….now. 

Genre: Horror/Comedy
Premise: On the day Zak plans to break up with his girlfriend, she dies. Problem is, she comes back from the dead and still thinks they’re together – FOREVER.
About: This is a project that Joe Dante, the director of Gremlins, has been developing for a while.  It’s been close to going forward a few times and Alan Trezza, who I believe wrote the original draft, even produced a short film of it.
Writer: Alan Trezza
Details:  97 pages – undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

This is the kind of horror comedy that’s itching to be made.  The best loglines allow you to imagine a bunch of great scenarios from the movie, and this logline achieves that in spades.  But being able to pull off a few funny scenes isn’t enough.  We gotta have characters we’re rooting for. We gotta have a second act that doesn’t drag.  The central relationship has to be interesting.  None of those things have anything to do with the logline, which is why there’s so much disappointment in this industry.  You think you found a winner, but then you open it up and it falls apart.  Does that happen with Burying The Ex?  Read on and find out.

Our boyishly handsome and socially awkward hero, Zak, believes he’s found the love of his life.  That would be Evelyn, his way too pretty girlfriend of eight months.  She’s got a Pilates body and a smile to pillage for.  But as everybody knows, the hot ones always have you working.

Evelyn’s main problem is that she’s so damned possessive.  She hates that Zak still hangs out with his loser best friend Travis, who is so poor he has to bring dates back to Zak’s place in order to pass himself off as a functioning member of society – which he isn’t.

This carousel of conflict is heading towards a nuclear meltdown and all three of them know it.  Zak is going to have to make a choice.  It shouldn’t be surprising then, since Evelyn has his testicles tucked away in her purse, that he decides to give Travis the boot.  He and Evelyn then make a promise to each other that they will always and forever be together.  A promise that, unfortunately, is made next to a possessed demon doll!

Over the next few weeks, it starts to hit Zak that Evelyn is way too clingy, and he realizes that he’s going to have to break up with her.  So he sets up a date at a local restaurant and heads over there just in time to see her get plastered across the front of a bus.  Well, at least she didn’t have to ride on it.

Zak mourns for a while but eventually meets a hot alternative girl named Olivia.  The two become disgustingly obsessed with each other, and this really looks like the person Zak’s supposed to spend the rest of his life with.  Which he probably would if he didn’t open his door one night to see………….. Evelyn!!!

After Zak pulls his jaw up off the floor, he figures that that stupid demon doll has made it impossible for Evelyn to die.  And Evelyn plans on living up to their promise – that they’re going to be together – forever.  For some reason, being dead makes her really horny, so all Evelyn cares about is getting a piece of little Zak.

He eventually recruits Travis to help him figure out what to do, and it becomes clear that if he’s going to be with Olivia, they’re going to have to KILL Evelyn.  Umm.  Again.  But how do you kill somebody who’s already dead?

The first thing that impressed me about Burying was the way Todd Beverly handled Evelyn.  A common rookie mistake when giving your hero a girlfriend (or boyfriend) they’re not supposed to be with, is making them the biggest bitch/asshole in the world.  Yeah, you need the audience to dislike them so they’ll want our hero to be with the other girl, but why would your hero willingly be with the world’s biggest bitch?  It makes the hero look stupid.

Beverly walked the perfect line of making Evelyn cool enough so that we understood why Zak was with her, but controlling enough where we didn’t want him to be with her.  That isn’t an easy thing to do so kudos for pulling it off.

I also really loved Olivia.  I loved her spirit.  I loved the chemistry her and Zak had together.  Everything about them worked.

Having said that, there’s something missing here.  I hate to be vague but my big complaint would be that nothing surprised me during this story.  Everything happened exactly how I thought it would.  I wanted to be caught off guard.  I wanted to be shocked.  But I always felt like I was 20 to 30 pages ahead of the screenplay.

Maybe it was the comedy.  The jokes didn’t seem cutting edge enough, like they were taking enough chances.  Later on in the week, I’m going to be reviewing a script called Zombie Baby, and there was a scene in that script where the main character wakes up to find his zombie baby sucking on his head (trying to get to his brains).  So he leaps up and hurls the baby across the room.  It’s a hilarious moment because it’s unexpected.  You don’t think a character is going to pick up a baby and throw it.

Now even if you don’t think that’s funny, at the very least you have to admit that it’s risky.  And that’s what I wanted more of here.  Because even though we have a great premise, the comedy is too safe and too familiar.  Travis, for example, is the same nutty “best friend” character I’ve seen a million times in this type of comedy.

I also wish Evelyn would have been more dynamic.  Her motivation for the most part is to have sex, which gets old quickly.  And it doesn’t make a whole lot of dramatic sense to be honest.  It’s not like she gains anything important by having sex with him. And it’s not like he really loses anything if he has sex with her.  So to focus so many scenes around this conceit really hampered the story.   If there’s nothing at stake in the conflict, it’s not going to be interesting.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I realize I was never really sure what the endgame was.  We know that Evelyn wants Zak.  But what represents achieving this goal?  Is it when she has sex with him?  Because we know even if she manages to, he’s still not going to like her.  Since this isn’t clear, the script kind of goes in circles.

To solve this problem, maybe Evelyn finds out that if she doesn’t consummate the relationship, she’ll dissolve into nothing, and has roughly one week to get the deed done.  I admit that’s rough and you’d need to play with it a little, but at least now there’s an endgame.  We know that if she doesn’t do “x” by “y” amount of time, she’s dead.  Now the script has a little more focus and we have a better understanding of what’s going on.

Another thing I’d focus on more in the next draft is fulfilling the promise of the premise. This needs to be way bigger than simply a dead girl popping into an apartment every once in a while and demanding sex.  There needs to be more variation.  The set pieces need to be bigger.  I don’t know if they had a really low budget so they wrote it to be cheap, but I would think a lot bigger, sort of the way Zombieland approached it.  Let’s get these people out there doing things and having crazier situations on a more consistent basis. Too much of this script takes place in small rooms.

Having said all that, I would keep rewriting the script until you got it right because this is a movie I would see.  It’s a great premise with the potential for some huge laughs.  I just think they’re playing it too safe at the moment.  Let’s get crazier next time.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I alluded to this in last week’s article, but it’s a good idea to not only give your main character a goal for the story, but to give your other characters goals as well.  And to make those goals as specific as possible.  Yeah, technically Evelyn has a goal. To get back with Zak.  But it’s too open-ended.  If you make it more specific (my rushed example is a base point), this story is going to have way more focus.  And give Travis a goal too.  He’s a musician.  Maybe he’s trying to land a huge Halloween gig.  This gig then happens to be the location of the climax.  The more people you have who want things, the more active everybody’s going to be.  And active characters make interesting characters.

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Giants

Posted on March 19, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Indie Drama
Premise: A young man with Marfan’s Syndrome, a disease that makes it difficult for your body’s organs to stay together, must battle the everyday challenges of the disease as he approaches a life-threatening operation.
About: This script was one of the five winning screenplays of the prestigious Nicholl Contest in 2008. It also received six mentions on that year’s Black List. The writer, Eric Nazarian, was inspired to write the story while waiting in the ICU while his brother underwent open heart surgery. Nazarian received his Bachelors from USC where he also studied directing. He used to go to the library there and read the scripts of all his favorite movies. Not long after the Nicholl, he made a feature film called “Blue Hour,” which was a 66 page script with only 4 pages of dialogue, pushing himself to focus more on the visual and aural power of cinema. Budd Schulberg’s “On The Waterfront” is his favorite screenplay of all time.
Writer: Eric Nazarian
Details: 120 pages (2008 draft)

Nazarian on the set of “Blue Hour”

Giants is a script I’ve known about for awhile, has been recommended to me numerous times, but is just something I couldn’t force myself to read. Whenever you have a script that deals with some kind of “syndrome,” you have to be in a certain type of mood to commit to it. And I’m rarely in that mood. Was I in that mood today? No, but one of our readers listed the screenplay as his favorite in his “Reader Faves” list, and after having a conversation with him about it, I decided to give it a chance.

Monty has Marfan’s Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder of the connective tissue. It revolves around Chromosome 15, which is basically the “glue” that keeps your organs together. As you get older, your organs expand and drift apart, “kind of like the earth before the seven continents,” as Monty puts it. Those with the condition are usually tall with long limbs and have a laundry list of health issues, such as detached retinas, lower back problems, and an endless supply of heart aneurysms, which forces them to be on a cocktail of drugs so strong it makes your local street addict look like he’s popping vitamin C pills.

Because the barely 20 year old Monty’s been through so much hell, he’s become an irritable and angry soul, which he usually takes out on his overprotective single mother, Annabeth. As someone who already lost one child, Monty’s sister, to the war in Iraq, Annabeth is desperate to keep her second one around, and therefore rarely leaves his side.

The problem is, everything points to Monty not being around much longer. He’s just had another aneurysm that requires major heart surgery. And between the stingy insurance company, the indifferent doctors, and the non-stop cycle of ER visits, he’s losing that all important fighting spirit.

While we speed towards the big operation, Monty’s deadbeat dad comes back into the picture, trying to make amends with a wife and son he deserted, only to be repeatedly pushed away. Monty hangs out with anyone who can handle his sarcastic nihilistic views, including his community college professor, his main doctor, and his only friend, the drug-supplying Gothy Lizzy. As the operation approaches, Monty finally begins to let go a little, and enjoy what may be the last days of his life.

So yeah, this is heavy stuff. But it’s good heavy stuff. We like Monty and we want to see what’s going to happen to him. And as a screenplay, this is one of the more compelling elements to dissect because Monty does everything in his power to make you NOT like him. And in a medium where the reader has to like *something* about your main character, it’s pertinent to ask why Monty is different. What does he do to get us on his side?

I thought about this and I’ll tell you when it happened for me. But first I have to bring up Seinfeld (yes, “Seinfeld”). Does anybody remember an episode in the second season where Jerry is standing in his apartment and the phone rings and he answers it and it’s a telemarketer and Jerry says, “Actually, I’m busy right now. Can you give me your home phone number and I’ll call you back later?” We hear the telemarketer say no. “Oh, so you don’t like to be bothered in the privacy of your own home?” No. “Well now you know how I feel.” And he hangs up. And in that moment, we love Jerry Seinfeld, because he just fought back a very familiar and annoying situation.

There’s a moment early on in Giants where Monty is having what feels like a heart attack and he’s rushed to the ER. He’s placed in a holding room where a minimum wage nurse asks him questions like, “So on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad would you say the pain is?” as Monty is writhing in unbearable pain. And after a bunch of these questions and some back and forth about why his situation isn’t being taken more seriously, he looks at the nurse and says, “[Livelihood] for a Marfan’s patient are the seconds he or she has to get to the hospital so that hopefully there will be at least one competent nurse or doctor to immediately assess the situation and have a fraction of a brain to realize that there is a leak in my heart and that every second is a countdown to either plugging the leak so I don’t die or scribbling in your notebook, asking these stupid fucking questions to justify your paycheck while I bleed to death without one red fucking drop on your cheapass linoleum floor!!” For anybody who’s ever had to deal with the ER in any capacity, you know how incompetent these people and their procedures are. And how many times you’ve wanted to scream at them and say, “What the hell are you doing? Somebody’s dying here!” It was a great little lesson, because I realized that by making a character fight back in a situation that we’re normally beat down by in our daily lives, they become a bit of a hero to us, and that naturally makes them someone we root for.

Now this script isn’t perfect. Essentially it’s about a guy who potentially has seven days to live, and how he lets go and tries to make those seven days count. But I never felt like he truly stepped out of his comfort zone and took advantage of that freedom. The “big moments” could’ve been bigger. There’s also a sub-plot between the father and his family that could’ve benefited from some more complexity and/or revelations. It was pleasant but a tad obvious. I wanted more.

But for the most part this is powerful affecting screenplay and worth the read.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Ironic characters are compelling characters. A “handicapped” person like Monty isn’t supposed to be an “asshole.” He’s supposed to be nice and cuddly and agreeable. By turning that stereotype on its head, we create an interesting character. Look for this opportunity in your screenplays. If you your character is a romantic, make him a divorce lawyer. If your character is a CEO, make him a slacker. If your character is a priest, make him a drug-addict. Not only are these characters compelling to watch, but actors love to play them.

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The Dark Fields

Posted on March 18, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Thriller
Premise: A New York novelist gets hold of a rare underground wonder-drug that turns his life upside-down.
About: Starring Robert De Niro and Bradley Cooper, this film originally had Shia LaBeouf in the lead role, but that ended when he got in his infamous car wreck and destroyed his hand (which is, if I understand correctly, not a hand anymore, but reconstructed from bone fragments in other parts of his body – no jokes here please). The film will be directed by Neil Burger, who directed the identity-starved “The Lucky Ones,” (still not sure what that movie was about) and the underappreciated Ed Norton flick, “The Illusionist” (one of my favorite films of 2006). This is quite a departure for screenwriter Leslie Dixon, who’s written such movies as “Hairspray,” “Pay It Forward,” and “Mrs. Doubtfire.” The closest she’s come to writing something like “The Dark Fields,” is the remake of “The Thomas Crowne Affair.” Incidentally, I believe this is the best thing she’s ever written.
Writer: Leslie Dixon (based on the novel by Alan Glynn)
Details: 124 pages (July 12, 2006 draft)

 The Dark Fields gets it right.

All that voice over stuff we were (I was) complaining about the other day? This is how you do it. Get inside a character’s head and give us information we can’t get otherwise, all while pushing the story forward, and present it in a manner whereby it feels like a natural extension of the tone and style.

This script is funky, yet not so funky as to make it inaccessible. It showcases its mean streak, but never becomes cruel, giving it that elusive hard edge that can still be enjoyed by a mainstream audience.

It’s about a guy named Eddie Spinola, a slovenly writer who’d rather eat a box of Twinkies than get any actual writing done (uh hello…who wouldn’t??). And even when he does churn out pages, they’re about as good as a chapter from “Installing Rugs For Dummies.” His editor keeps him around out of habit, his ex-girlfriend is about to become his ex-everything friend, and his paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle is threatening to make the nut vending profession a viable option.

In short, Eddie’s a nobody going nohwere.

But then Eddie has a chance encounter with an ex brother-in-law (he used to be married) who’s got a hot new drug called MDT-48. A recovering cocaine-addict, Eddie’s not keen on downing a mystery pill, but the brother-in-law says this is some once-in-a-lifetime shit. Eddie figures “what the hell” and pops it.


Ten minutes later, everything changes.

MDT is a “genius” drug. That big doughy mess inside your head becomes a finely tuned network of protons and neurons. Everything in the world makes sense and Eddie takes advantage. He races home, effortlessly bangs out 90 pages of his next novel, turns it in the following day, and realizes just how powerful this pill is. His boss doesn’t just think the pages are good. He thinks they’re J.D. Fucking Salinger good. He wants to ink a new deal with Eddie. Turn the novel into a series. Now now now. Eddie’s entry into the hot commodity market is more instant than pop-tarts.

But Eddie’s already coming down from MDT. He’s already becoming dumber again. He needs more pills. So he goes back to the brother-in-law, only to find a little round hole in his head and a ransacked apartment. The indication is clear. Somebody else was looking for the MDT. The question is, did they find it? Eddie goes searching through all the remaining hiding spots, and in a fit of luck, finds them. 500 pills. Five hundred MDT pills. He pops another one. Snap crackle pop. He’s a genius again.

With his newfound intelligence, Eddie says “fuck the publishing world.” He wants money, and lots of it. He visits a day trader, someone who skims 500 bucks a trade off fractional fluctuations in the market, a skill that takes years to learn. Eddie learns in ten minutes. He borrows money from a Russian loan shark and starts trading, turning 20,000 bucks into 1.2 million in six days. He’s hot, and getting hotter.


He manages to get the attention of one of the richest men in town, who’s putting together a multi-billion dollar merger. He wants Eddie’s help, and if Eddie can make it happen, he’ll pay him a 50 million dollar fee. As long as he’s on the MDT, all of this is cake. But then, things start happening. Bad things.

(Spoilerville) Time starts skipping. Eddie finds himself in one place, then a second later in another place halfway across town. In the minutes between MDT highs, he’s getting intense headaches, and his normal state is starting to feel vegetative, incapable of even the most basic functions. MDT is doing something to him. But what? He starts doing research. Learns there are others on MDT. Or were. Most of them are dead now. On MDT, you have a fighting chance. But if you stop taking it? Things start going wrong. To make matters worse, whoever raided his brother-in-law’s apartment has found him, and they’re chasing him. And Eddie’s running out of pills. What does he do?

The Dark Fields is a super-intense ride that gets all of the thriller elements right. And most importantly, it has a great main character. I’m not surprised at all that one of the hottest actors in town, who pretty much has the pick of the litter, chose to play this part. Eddie’s multi-layered (he goes from zero to hero), he’s flawed (he’s only smart because he cheats) and he’s fun (he spouts out voice over detailing the inner workings of his ongoing genius). In fact, in many ways, this feels like an adult super hero film – his super-power being that he becomes super smart. This is a great script to study when trying to determine what type of character attracts an A-list actor.

It’s also a great example of how to approach the end of your second act/beginning of your third. Everything that can go wrong for your character, should go wrong, problems and issues and obstacles piling up on top of each other, making it impossible (or seemingly impossible) for your hero to achieve his goal. And Dark Fields hits Eddie hard (running out of pills, gotta close the merger, chased by the Russian, chased by pill manufacturers). The deeper a hole our character is in, the more captivated we become as we wonder how he’s going to get out.

My only knock on the script is that it feels too much like one of my favorite scripts, “Passengers.” That script is famous for being written in the first person (which is why it hasn’t been made) and this script almost feels like someone realized if they tweaked that story and told it in the third person, that it could be a great movie. Therefore it wasn’t original enough to me personally to give it that breakaway recommendation. But it’s still great. Oh, and one other minor thing is that I didn’t dig the mini-twist ending. Kinda hard to buy. But it wasn’t a big enough part of the movie to matter.

What matters is that this is a damn good script. So what are you waiting for?

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: For every “power” or “advantage” you give your protagonist, there must be consequences to that power. It’s not interesting otherwise. Once consequences enter the equation, your protagonist is forced to make a choice, and it’s when our heroes are faced with difficult choices that they become the most interesting. i.e. Take the pill to become smarter to escape the bad guy, but increase the chances that you’ll turn into a vegetable. We love guessing and wondering and hoping what our protag will do. To really take advantage of this tool, as the story progresses, keep making those consequences worse so that your hero’s choices become more and more difficult.

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