Genre: Indie Drama
Premise: An emotionally reserved limo driver is introduced to an emotionally imperfect woman, which results in a slow courtship.
About: This is Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directing debut, which premiered a few weeks ago at Sundance. Hoffman also stars in the film alongside Amy Ryan. Apparently Hoffman feels the need to spread his wings, as he recently started his own production company, “Cooper’s Town Productions,” with Emily Ziff. The company’s initial slate includes a thriller with Guy Pearce and Mary-Louise Parker titled, “The Well,” as “well” as the Hoffman starrer “Mr. Crumpacker and the Man From the Letter.” Robert Glaudini, the writer of “Jack Goes Boating” is an actor who’s appeared in such films as “Mississippi Burning” and “Bugsy.” He wrote “Jack Goes Boating” as a stage play, which Hoffman ended up starring in. The off-broadway production received great reviews, and Hoffman hired Glaudini to adapt the play into a screenplay.
Writer: Robert Glaudini (based off his own play)
Details: 115 pages (1/28/09 draft)

Misleading?

The biggest clue about what to expect with “Jack Goes Boating” is that Jack never actually goes boating. Jack never really goes anywhere for that matter, and if you don’t like your independent entrees served slow and cold, you may want to set sail for another pier.

There are always challenges inherent in adapting a stage play to the screen , and the biggest of them is obviously opening the story up. Since plays require limited characters, limited locations, and limited scope, jumping from stage to screen often feels like a bachelor moving into a mansion. How do you use 50 rooms if you only need two? The wonder of film is its ability to take us anywhere in the universe. So if our characters are stuck in a couple of living rooms and a back alley, there better be a damn good reason for it, or else we’re going to get bored quickly.

Jack Goes Boating definitely suffers from this problem of Limitednus Maximus. While there’s some meaty emotional issues for the actors to play with, the story itself embraces a simplicity that calls into question the very existence of a plot. Guy tries to court girl. That’s it. Now each of the characters is fucked up and weird, which spices it up a little, but this isn’t something you want to read right after checking your Twitter Feed for an hour. Some mean patience is required.


Jack is a New York limo driver who spends the majority of his free time digging the smooth sounds of Reggae. Since there’s no real future in limo driving, Jack dreams of bigger things, such as…. a career in the MTA (the transit management business). Not quite sure why he thinks this is an upgrade but then again, Jack’s not the kind of guy that makes a lot of sense.

Jack’s best friend is his co-worker, even-keeled Clyde, whose relationship with the beautiful but feisty Lucy is the kind of thing he wouldn’t mind having for himself. Lucky for Jack, Clyde’s got an idea. They have a mutual friend named Connie who’s an embalmer at a local funeral home and they would luurrve to set them up on a blind date. Jack’s hesitant because an embalmer has to be the one job that would attract a person even more reclusive than himself, but in the end he goes along with it.

Connie is like a stranger version of Talia Shire’s “Adrian” character from Rocky. She’s so bizarrely introverted that she’s almost incapable of human conversation. Jack’s no Lothario himself though, so their banter is a lot like listening to a dying turtle converse with a homeless man. At the end of the date, Connie invites Jack on a second date – to go boating. There’s only one problem. It’s the middle of winter. So a boating date wouldn’t happen for six months. Jack’s not sure if that means he can see her before then or if he’s supposed to wait until summer. And since neither of them is capable of a basic question followed by a simple answer, the mystery cannot be solved the way it would with 99% of the rest of the population.


Clyde and Lucy act as professors of protocol though, encouraging the two to keep seeing each other, despite how awkward and strange each of these meetings is. Eventually they agree on a second “official date before the boating date” that will include Jack cooking dinner for everyone.

In the meantime, Jack is horrified to learn that Clyde and Lucy, his only template for the world of relationships, aren’t as happy as he assumed. It appears that Lucy’s had several affairs during their time together, and Clyde can’t block them out anymore. Jack finds himself in the unlikely position of giving advice instead of taking it, and since he’s about as equipped to do that as a street vendor is to give stock tips, Gary’s relationship dissolves right before his eyes, even as his own relationship begins to bloom.

Jack Goes Boating was a tough read. The main issue here is the pacing, which is so slow at times, I thought I was in a doctor’s waiting room. This is actually something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately – this “slow burn” approach to a story. It’s not a bad thing . Each film has its own pace. But how slow is too slow? Because I’m wondering if readers hit a point where they’re simply unable to enjoy a slow screenplay. It would make sense. Your threshold for patience is at a constant low, and that may be why the only specs that sell these days are ultra-fast move-move-move stories (Check recent sales “Safe House” and “Abduction”).


But I liked Revolutionary Road, and that script is about as slow as it gets. So this is the conclusion I came to: The slower your script is, the more dependent you are on the reader being interested in your subject matter. The degradation of a relationship is a fascinating theme to me, which explains why I liked “Road” (where I know many hated it). But had that script been the exact same pace with the exact same characters, except now they were, say, turning into vampires, that glacial pace probably would’ve been the last straw. That’s why an up tempo script is preferable if your story can handle it. Make a few more things happen. Stuff a little more into the story. Add a few more twists and turns. Information needs to come at the reader faster. You can essentially tell the same story you want to, but packaged in a way where it will appeal to a wider audience. What’s wrong with increasing the chances of your script getting sold?

Now for the very reason I mentioned above (in reference to the relationship in Revolutionary Road), I enjoyed watching Clyde and Lucy’s relationship crumble towards the end. But that led to a whole nother set of problems – namely that I never felt like I knew Clyde and Lucy, and therefore could only get so invested in their late-story problems. As a result we’re left with Jack and Connie, and while I cheated and imagined some great chemistry between Hoffman and Ryan on screen, the truth was reading them on the page wasn’t very interesting. I was hoping for more.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

For a review of the movie, head on over to Movie Jungle.

What I learned: I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again. “Real life” doesn’t exist in 2 and a half minute segments. So if you try and shoehorn a real-life conversation into your screenplay under the guise that it will make your characters and story feel more authentic, you’ll find that your characters don’t sound quite right. Sure, you’re getting that “real life” feel, but listening to two people talk in real life is often boring and pointless. So your scene, not surprisingly, feels…boring and pointless. In screenwriting, you want to have a point to the scenes you write. You want each character to have a goal. You want their conversation to move the plot along. You want some conflict to be involved. The less of these things that are going on, the more boring your script is going to read.

Not too sure what to expect this week. On Saturday, I read “The Crazies,” thinking I’d review it for its upcoming release next weekend, only to realize yesterday that it had been released *this* weekend. Nice. I’m totally on top of things (I blame “Rotten Tomatoes,” who lazily updates their “opening next weekend” list). If anyone still cares, let me know and I’ll throw a review up. I know Roger’s going to write a cool article for us this Wednesday, so that should be fun. Otherwise, let uncertainty guide us. Here’s Roger with a review of “The Land Of Lost Things” (not to be confused with “Land Of The Lost” I hope).

Genre: Fantasy, Action Adventure
Premise: A ten-year old boy, seemingly cursed, can’t stop losing things, and not only that, but his parents are on the brink of divorce. When he finds a mysterious book, he’s transported to a magical universe where all his lost items end up. It’s there that he goes on a journey to not only retrieve the lost book, but to save his parent’s relationship.

About: Set-up at Paramount’s Nickelodeon Movies. Producers are Arnold and Anne Kopelson and Sherryl Clark of J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot. Dan Mazeau was enrolled in the MFA screenwriting program at UCLA when he began work on the script. In 2008, he was featured in Variety’s
10 Screenwriters to Watch. Mazeau has gone on to write Johnny Quest and The Flash for Warner Brothers, and an untitled moon project for DreamWorks based on an original script by Doug Liman.
Writer: Dan Mazeau

Is “The Land Of Lost Things” the next “The Neverending Story?”
Sometimes people write stories that remind you that magic is real.
Dan Mazeau, with “The Land of Lost Things”, has written one of those stories.
I. The Ordinary World
Lowell A. Leavitt is born to lose.
We meet Lowell A. Leavitt at Age 0. As storm clouds brew outside his window, we are told he is a special boy. But because “special” can mean many things, it is immediately clear that Lowell A. Leavitt is cursed.
You see, anything Lowell touches, he’s destined to lose. It begins small. His parent’s keys. His pacifier. Toys. And as he grows older, so does his problem. Not only is he losing stuff like that new bike that was given to him as a gift, but even his beloved pets.
At age ten, Lowell is informed by his teacher at Amelia Earhart Elementary that if he can’t turn in a book report, he’s not going to pass fourth grade. He’s already lost twenty-eight homework assignments and now it looks like he’s going to lose a whole year.
But how is he supposed to do a book report when the library has a mug-shot of him that says, “Do Not Lend To This Boy”?
That’s easy. His parents, extremely concerned about their son and his potential failure of fourth grade, take him to a rare book store called “Famous Lost Words”.
II. The Call to Adventure
Famous Last Words is kinda creepy, and with tell-tale rat droppings everywhere, it’s certainly dirty. When an old stitched together book falls of a shelf and tumbles into Lowell’s arms, seemingly choosing him, a Mr. Koreander-like bookseller tells him, “Ah, but that’s a very special book.”
The old man won’t let Lowell’s parents pay for the book. He tells them that Lowell can borrow it, ominously telling the boy, “Perhaps someday you’ll return the favor.”
Back at home, Lowell physically wrestles with the book as he tries to write his book report. In a moment that lets us know Lowell’s world will never be the same, he overhears his parents talking about divorce.
“We tell him we lost our love, Charles. Somewhere, somehow, we just lost it.”
Back in his room, he breaks some things. Discovers that the title of the mysterious book is called The Land of Lost Things.
But soon enough, Lowell loses hold of the book again, chases it out his window into the storm and watches it disappear into a sewer.
So what does he do?
He takes one last look at his house, then drops into the sewer after his book.
Except, you know, he ends up in a rain forest.
Where a half-ape, half-man thing called the Missing Link exchanges some very educated words (for a half ape, half-man thing) with Lowell and swings off into the trees with his book.
III. Refusal of the Call, Meeting with the Mentor & Crossing the Threshold
Lowell is soon being pursued through the jungle by evil, giant rats. From above, claws grab him and he’s lifted into the air.
He’s been saved by three giant birds. Six-feet tall knight-errant pigeons to be exact.
Parcival is their leader. In true Campbellian Parsifal (the Holy Fool in European mythology who goes on a quest for the Holy Grail to break a curse) fashion, he tells Lowell that he is the “Champion Knight of the Lost Cause!”
The pigeons are surprised to learn who the little boy is, and they quickly whisk him off to Pigeon Parliament, where the Pigeon Elders ruffle their feathers, dreadfully concerned that Lowell’s presence in their abode spells doom.
They’re terrified of a figure known as the Finder-Keeper, and they are anxious to send Lowell on his way.
But Parcival delivers a speech, saying that they are homing pigeons and that it is their duty to return lost things.
But before he can convince them, giant rats invade Pigeon Parliament (it seems there is war between the rats and pigeons) and Lowell tries to run away, caught in the middle. He wants nothing to do with either of them.
But Parcival is determined to protect Lowell, so he and his men battle the rats and we’re treated to a cool aerial battle with cannonballs, nets and rat-on-pigeon warfare.
In mid-flight, a rat sniper shoots Parcival out of the air with a harpoon gun and they crash in a mysterious desert.
IV. Tests, Allies, Enemies
They’re in a nautical graveyard, and Parcival can no longer fly because his wing was wounded by the harpoon. To make matters worse, Lowell finds his lost dog Buster, except he’s feral. And soon he’s being attacked by all his feral lost pets.
In a dark keep, on a glimmering throne made out of lost keys, we meet the Finder-Keeper. He’s a shadowy figure with yellow, spiraled fingernails, and he sends out of a team of bounty hunters, led by Ratsputin, to capture Lowell.
Out of the nautical graveyard, Parcival leads Lowell to the Samsonite Mountains, which is, you guessed it, a mountain range made out of all of Lowell’s lost luggage. Along the way, Parcival gives Lowell a history lesson about the pigeons and the land, telling him that they’re guided by a holy object known as The Beacon.
It should be noted that whenever Lowell finds something that belonged to him, he tries to carry it with him, even against Parcival’s wishes.
V. Approach to Inmost Cave, Supreme Ordeal & Seizing the Sword
In the Cave of Lost Voices, Lowell is attacked by Ratsputin and his hunters, and Parcival rescues him once again and they go on the run. Perhaps even Lowell causes a Samsonite avalanche to help with their escape to The Forgotten Fields.
The Forgotten Fields seem like they’re covered in snow, but it’s all of Lowell’s lost knowledge, including sheets of homework and his mail.
Lowell and Parcival jump on a train to escape Ratsputin, and it’s here where they get into an argument. There’s a funny, poignant outburst from Lowell, “You! You listen! You don’t know what it’s like to be a loser your whole life! Some nights I still get lost between my room and the bathroom! I have to pee in Dad’s ficus.” Lowell sees this as his chance to make up for everything he’s lost by bringing things back.
And Parcival, the wise mentor he is, tells the boy, “At some point, you’re going to have to learn to let go of this, and realize what’s really important.”
And next there’s a delightful, charming and inventive action sequence as Ratsputin and his rats board the train and pursue and fight with our heroes. Except it turns out to be quite an ordeal for everyone involved, because this is no ordinary train.
This is The Train of Lost Thought.
Everyone suffers from short-term memory loss. So as everyone battles and comes up with plans, the fight going from car to car, underneath and above, they all keep forgetting what the heck they’re doing in the first place. Action-packed and funny!
They manage to get away and find themselves in The Lost Refuge, an ancient redwood forest where they rescue a female pigeon, Gertrude. She’s enamored with Parcival and she manages to talk Parcival into taking Lowell to The Keep.
Yep, it’s where the villain is, but there lies a place within The Keep where Lowell can return back to his world. And because they’re homing pigeons, it’s their job to return lost things. And since Lowell is lost, the next step is a no-brainer.
But to get there, they have to venture through The Neverglades (“For never has a soul ventured within, and returned with his mind intact.) and make their way through the Rat Slums and infiltrate The Black Spire.
To do so, they just might have to disguise themselves as rats.
VI. The Road Back, Resurrection & Return with the Elixir
Okay, I’m not going to spoil the brilliance of the 3rd act, but it involves the nefarious Finder-Keeper, his master plan and why he needs Lowell.
And Lowell’s ordeal might just involve finding the lost love of his parents and returning it back to his world.
It’s at this point where the script goes into a dark place. Even for a children’s tale, there was a moment concerning Parcival’s fate that surprised me. I told a friend, “I can’t believe the writer took it to that point.”
To which my friend replied, “Children need to be scared in stories. It’s good for them. It’s our way of easing them into our harsh world.”
So what’s the verdict, Rog?
Man, this is my new favorite script. It’s just so inventive and charming, and it’s told with the assuredness of a talented writer (such a pleasing voice to find on the page) who knows he’s telling a tale rich with metaphor.
It moves you.
“The Land of Lost Things” is a children’s adventure story in the vein of The Neverending Story and The Princess Bride, a powerful and poignant fable that can share the same shelf with The Phantom Tollbooth and the L. Frank Baum Oz books.
But that’s not all.
If you’re an adult, this is a story that transports you back to childhood again. It reunites you with awe and wonder, it reminds you that imagination is a sacred thing. In that sense, its sensibility is very Spielbergian. And I like that. If I were a parent, “The Land of Lost Things” is the type of movie I would take my child and family to see. Simply put, it’s the type of story kids should be raised on.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: To reference Christopher Vogler, Jungian archetypes are masks, and the characters in “The Land of Lost Things” wear them with an assuredness that makes you think twice about the power of archetype. What are these masks? Hero. Mentor. Herald. Shapeshifter. Shadow. Trickster. They’re all here in some form (Lowell, Parcival, Old Man, Gertrude, Finder-Keeper and Missing Link, respectively) and, just as they should, the characters take turns wearing these masks. Especially for those who write fantasy or action adventure, it can help immensely to anchor your characters in archetype and to be aware of what role your characters are playing in every scene. Make the Jungian archetypes, along with the Campbellian monomyth, part of your writer’s toolbox (to use a Stephen King analogy) and see what happens.

Hello all. Wanted to give you a heads up on a very cool project in the works. A friend of mine, Elsa, one of the smartest and nicest people you’ll ever meet, realized one day that the model for selling screenplays was broken, specifically when it came to the Latino market (if you’re ever in the mood to laugh for an hour, ask Elsa her opinion on the current crop of Latino-themed movies in theaters). Both a writer and a business woman herself, she decided to use her business acumen to correct that. As she reached out to the Latino community, she realized that there were all kinds of minority markets that were being overlooked, and decided to expand her original vision to include struggling writers from all walks of life. Basically, she’s approaching the spec market from a radically different angle. But because she’s the expert here, I’ll let her explain it to you.

Howdy, Scriptshadow!

Thanks for the opportunity to appear on your insightful blog—an honor, a privilege, and I promise that check will clear next week—this time for real.

The Screenwriter Consortium’s intent is to develop script inventories for a variety of target audiences. We began the process targeting the Latino market because of the billion dollars per year this group represents. Success with the Latino market should open up opportunities in other markets, e.g., women, mature, genre marketing, other ethnic, etc., with the hope of providing writers another venue in which to sell his/her scripts.

Rather than solicit script sales on a script-by-script, writer-by-writer basis, the inventory method allows the buyer to evaluate scripts on a target market basis—scripts written to appeal directly to a chosen audience.

In addition, the Latino Heart Blog speaks directly with our target audience, serves to develop awareness of the lack of English-speaking, Latino-centric feature films developed by Hollywood while entertaining our readers. After all, we are entertainers, aren’t we?

Our primary goal is not for our writer members to obtain representation, win writing contests, or receive accolades for literary prowess…our goal is TO.SELL.SCRIPTS.

Thanks for listening,
Elsa

P.S. If any of you haven’t tried Scriptshadow’s script consulting service…he’s brutal, vicious, ruthless, mean—and always right. I hate him.

Not really, I wanna impress the school yard bullies so I don’t get beat up, too.

For more questions, contact Elsa at screenwriterconsortium@gmail.com

Jessica Hall back again, doing what she does best. And no, for all you e-mailers asking, Jessica is not the love child of the mega-sensation 80s pop group “Hall and Oats.” There’s enough juiciness in here to open a Robek’s. Superman being re-re-re-re-booted by Goyer. The It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia boys selling a Hangover clone. Christensen getting another million dollar payday when life has already been too kind to him (he’s a rock star). A project about politeness and manners is being put into the pipeline. David Gordon Green is staying in the mainstream by directing The Sitter. And they’re making a Zoolander 2 with Jonah Hill as the villain. And Russel hid Boston Rob’s hat. Wow, we could talk about this stuff for months. — My ass is too lazy to embed the links right now so you’ll have to wait your equally lazy asses until later.

Russel says: “Do they know who’s running the show? I’m the puppet-master. Except when Jessica Hall gives me the Scriptshadow Rundown. When Jessica gives the rundown, it’s all cool. Cause I love Jessica.”

New spec KILLER by Kenny Golde (dir. THE JOB) sold to Parkes/MacDonald and Hyde Park in a bidding war. Script uses the documentary-style footage (à la PARANORMAL ACTIVITY) to tell the story of a serial killer and the detectives trying to catch him. (http://bit.ly/cNFpJj)

Paramount and Montecito picked up Lee & Walsh’s (“It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia “) spec 21 SHOTS. It’s based on an idea by writers Hurwitz & Schlossberg (GRANDMA VS. GRANDMA) who are also producing. While they’ve sold pilots to FBC and ABC, this is Lee & Walsh’s first spec. 21 Shots centers around a guy who, on his 21st birthday, loses his I.D. and needs to track it down over the course of a day. Montecito bought the spec preemptively through their Paramount discretionary fund. (http://bit.ly/ceUnXR)

It took over a week, but Lionsgate finally won the bidding war over Shawn Christensen’s (KARMA COALITION) spec ABDUCTION, reportedly for nearly $1 million. Taylor Lautner is attached to star. Lionsgate is expected to rush to get a director on the project and begin production before they lose Lautner to his many other commitments. (http://bit.ly/aKaAho)

Warner Bros. is out to writers after picking up a pitch from Underground Films’ Nick Osborne. Untitled picture is based on Emily Post’s bestselling book “Etiquette” and is billed as “My Fair Lady” with the genders reversed. (http://bit.ly/cs0aOr)

Erin Cressida Wilson (CHLOE) is set to adapt Lisa See’s book “Peony in Love” for Fox 2000 and Scott Free. Set in 17th century China, the book revolves around a young woman who starves herself to death after falling in love with a man she fears she’ll never be allowed to wed. (http://bit.ly/9Cua2m)

It’s a good week for writing team Posamentier & Moore. In addition to writing GRANDMA’S INTERGALACTIC BED & BREAKFAST for Disney and Mandeville, they will make their directing debut with BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY. INTERGALACTIC, an adaptation of the first book in Clete Smith’s series that Disney optioned last year, is about a boy who goes to visit his hippie grandmother and discovers her inn caters to vacationing aliens. CHEMISTRY centers on a meek small-town pharmacist who begins an affair with a trophy wife who introduces him to the wonderful world of prescription drugs. But when they begin to plot her husband’s murder, everything falls apart. The duo, former execs at Double Feature and Mad Chance Prods., respectively, are also penning “Oh Happy Day” for Disney and Mandeville. (http://bit.ly/bzy8qx, http://bit.ly/b3fEjt)

Fox announced that Alex Tse (WATCHMEN) will adapt the first book in John Twelve Hawks’ Fourth Realm Trilogy. THE TRAVELER is set in a U.S. society run by a secret organization who control the population via constant observation. Seeking to rebel against these constraints are an almost extinct group of people called Travelers, who can project their spirit into other dimensions, and their protectors, called Harlequins. Project was previously set up at Universal and Kennedy/Marshall with a script by Miro & Bernard (PRINCE OF PERSIA). (http://bit.ly/d6ph07)

Gregory Allen Howard (REMEMBER THE TITANS) is back to football for his next project. He’ll write THE MAGICIAN, a biopic about Marlin “The Magician” Briscoe, the first black starting quarterback. (http://bit.ly/aZ1VCs)

Greg Berlanti will rewrite and direct comic adaptation THE FLASH for Warner Bros. Previous draft was by Dan Mazeau (JONNY QUEST). Berlanti wrote GREEN LANTERN and was attached to direct until Martin Campbell boarded that project. (http://bit.ly/dj7iXX – subscription required).

David Gordon Green (PINEAPPLE EXPRESS) will direct Gatewood & Tanaka’s 2009 spec THE SITTER. Comedy, a cross between SUPERBAD and ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING, sold to Fox in a bidding war. Jonah Hill (SUPERBAD) will star. (http://bit.ly/aSrCKM)

Ben Stiller will re-team with writer Justin Theroux (TROPIC THUNDER) for ZOOLANDER 2 at Paramount. It’s not known if Owen Wilson will return, but Jonah Hill is in negotiations to play the villain. (http://bit.ly/crcOxs)

David Goyer (THE DARK NIGHT story) will write the UNTITLED SUPERMAN REBOOT for Warner Bros. Director Christopher Nolan (THE DARK NIGHT) is also involved as an advisor. Goyer is currently working with Jonathan Nolan on a script for the next Batman installment. (http://bit.ly/94Unli)

Oscar nominated writer Sheldon Turner (UP IN THE AIR) will write and produce KISS AND TELL, a rom-com, based on a pitch by Shelby & Stevens (A FAMILY AFFAIR). The Universal pick up is about a woman who discovers she has the power to see exactly how a long-term relationship will unfold with a man after kissing him. (http://bit.ly/dej3Kb)

Antonio Banderas will produce, write, direct and act in a biopic on Boabdil (Abu Abdullah Muhammad XII), the last Muslim ruler of Granada, Spain. Antonio Soler (SUMMER RAIN) will co-write. Project is still seeking financing. (http://bit.ly/9jGpKz)

It’s been a good 4-5 months since we did our first polling of reader favorites. Since I constantly update my list, I think it’s only right that that list gets updated as well. So if there are some screenplay reads you’ve been putting off, get to them, cause in about three weeks, I’m going to ask everybody, once again, for their top 10 favorite unmade screenplays. Get that list figured out!