The Resident

Posted on February 16, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Thriller
Premise: A woman moves into a large apartment, only to realize that someone may be watching her…from the inside.
About: The Resident will star Hilary Swank, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Christopher Lee. Newcomer and hot video director Antti J. Jokinen is directing from a script that he co-wrote. The new production arm of Hammer Films is producing. They are probably best known as the company who will bring us the American remake of “Let The Right One In.” And they are not in any way affiliated with MC Hammer. As far as I know.
Writers: Robert Orr and Antti J. Jokinen – rewrite by Erin Cressida Wilson
Details: 99 pages (April 9, 2009 draft)

“Hi, I’m not crazy or anything. Totally normal guy. You can trust me. Here’s a flower I made out of skin from my last girlfriend.”

Hilary Swank’s film “Amelia” was one of those doomed projects from the outset. It had to be made, because in this age of biopics, Earheart’s story is too compelling not to make, but – and I hate to say this because of how Hollywood it sounds – there’s something about Earheart’s look that doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t know if it’s the short hair. I don’t know if it’s the energy. I don’t know if it’s the subject matter, but just like I wasn’t interested in watching Johnny Depp play gangster dress-up, I wasn’t interested in watching Hillary Swank play doomed pilot dress up.

And here Swank is, by most accounts a perfect choice for the role, getting sucked into that black hole. She could’ve given the best performance of her life, and no one would’ve known because nobody showed up to see it. So when you’re a star and have a public bomb, the next project you choose is an important one. Hollywood may be a little more tolerant of their actors than their directors, but string a trio of duds together, and you’re looking at a co-starring role opposite Val Kilmer in a movie called “Passion Kill” that’s cutting side-deals with local Redbox Kiosks to have their poster featured on the new release panel.

Hillary Swank right before hair and make-up.

And when you’re in that quagmire, the thriller is the perfect genre to take a chance in. Because when you think about it, you’re really not taking that big of a chance. Thrillers are cheap to make, so if the studios realize they’re bad after they’re done, they can skimp on the advertising and cut their losses. We the consumer don’t notice that “Big Name Actress A” is in a new film, so when it bombs bigger than Nagasaki, it does so under the radar and the star’s profile is kept intact. It’s like getting a mulligan. On the flip side, a good thriller has the potential to really break out. Silence Of The Lambs, Seven, Kiss The Girls, Double Jeopardy, The Ring (Horror-Thriller), these kinds of movies can propel a struggling actor/actress back onto the radar. It’s the movie equivalent of low-risk high-reward.

So it’s no surprise that Swank has hinged her next effort on the genre. Now all you need is a good script and it’s back to battling for Oscars. Simple, right?

Juliet Dermer is an ER doctor whose life drastically changes when she finds her husband in bed with another woman. Forced to go on her own for the first time in a long time, she faces a far more challenging task than fixing a marriage. Yeah, I’m talking about finding an affordable apartment in New York. After the expected glut of garbage options (studios barely bigger than a walk-in closet) she happens upon a beautiful sprawling living space in an old building, and guess what? It’s going for 1/10 the asking price of similar apartments. One of the first lessons my dad ever taught me was that if it’s too good to be true? It probably is. Juliet’s father obviously never taught her this lesson.

I heard Morgan spent an entire month practicing hiding for this movie. As we can clearly see, it paid off.

Max, a studly man’s man who looks an awful lot like that guy who died in Gray’s Anatomy (not that I’ve ever seen it) is the kind but slightly odd owner of the building. About as comfortable in a social situation as your local Spelling Bee champ, Max spends every waking hour working on and improving the building. He plays off the super cheap apartment price by pointing out its many problems (including an underground maintenance train that runs through every so often). But you still get the sense that it’s just a little…too cheap. Well, at least we get that sense. Juliet, on the other hand, is fed up with looking. She just wants a place to sleep at night and this building, with all its imperfections, is far and away her best option.

So Juliet moves in, and her and Max begin a slow but meaningful friendship. During this time, she’s sizing him up. Here is a man who could have any woman in the world, yet has such a warped sense of his self-worth, he’s barely able to look them (or her) in the eye. Now to you or me that might equal: Red Flag. To Juliet though? Boyfriend material!

In the meantime, Juliet’s picture perfect apartment is starting to show its imperfections. All the things she fell in love with about it initially, don’t seem so charming anymore. That warehouse-type space? It sure causes a lot of shadows at night. And she knows its not possible but every once in awhile she feels like someone might be…in those shadows. Watching her.

Oh yeah, this looks healthy.

Juliet then makes the intriguing decision to invite Max over for dinner, afterwards hopping into the bedroom with plans to go to the bone zone. Only right before the deed is done, Juliet has a change of heart, and tells Max that the date was a mistake. Uhhhhhh…yeah. This is going to go over well. Cause the guy who sometimes acts a little “weird?” The guy who has a key to every room in the building? Those nights you think you’re being watched? Well, they might be more connected than you think, sister.

As I was reading The Resident, I couldn’t help but feel like it was too plain. I really like simple thrillers, and for the most part, I was enjoying myself, but I wanted something more from the material. Luckily, after we head into the second act, I got my wish. The Resident shocked me by jumping back in time, and telling the same story but this time from Max’s point-of-view. This was exactly the twist I needed and it really works. We begin to see why Max is so strange, and just how deep that strangeness goes. But the reason it works so well, is that we learn that Juliet was right. She was being watched. And now we get to see where and how Max watched her. Now I’m not going to lie. The Resident makes some questionable choices with this technique, flipping back and forth between terrifying and silly. But for most of the story, we’re pretty fucking terrified by what’s going on.

There’s quite a few things I enjoyed about the script. First of all, it does a great job at shaping sympathy for both characters. Everybody knows how awful it feels to be cheated on, so we like Juliet right away. But strangely, we also sympathize with Max. The guy’s clearly had a fucked up childhood and when it comes down to it, Juliet screwed him over in a big way, so when we’re in Max’s point-of-view, spying on Juliet, there’s this tiny evil part of us that almost understands him. As much as you can understand a fucked up psychotic weirdo potential serial killer who watches a woman from the shadows of an apartment, of course.

I’m also starting to better appreciate how writers texture their screenplays. Once you’ve done all the heavy lifting (plot, character, structure), how do you give your story a distinctness that sets it apart from everything else? I loved how Orr, Jokinen and Wilson placed this building over an underground maintenance train that rolls through every once in awhile, shaking its bricks and rattling its pipes. We’ve seen this kind of thing before, but making it a maintenance train – a train devoid of any human beings – almost ghost-like – that’s what really got me. It’s a minor detail and yet it brings the building alive, almost makes it a character. It’s easy to forget how much of an effect those kinds of things can have on a reader.

The Resident is a cross between Fatal Attraction and Psycho. It’s got enough going for it to justify its existence, and I quite enjoyed the read.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Where I’m from, there’s two type of folk. Those who ain’t. And those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain’t you ain’t? You all come back now. — Okay, that’s not what I learned. But that is the funniest line I’ve heard in ages. And 10 extra credit points for anyone who can tell me what show it’s from. – As for what I learned. This script was a great reminder to never give up looking for a different way to tell your story. Most beginner/amateur writers would’ve written this story with a straight-forward approach. And while it probably would’ve been decent, it wouldn’t have stood out the way it does by switching POVs. So take a step back from the script you’re working on and ask, “Is there some way I can make this story different from every other story like it?” You don’t want to force anything. In other words, switching POVs wouldn’t have worked for every script out there. But I guarantee you there’s something you can do to make your script stand apart from the pack.

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Mr. Right

Posted on February 14, 2010 | by admin

I don’t have a lot to say about this week other than that I read a great script which I will be reviewing Thursday. The rest of the week will be a mystery. However next week, we’re going to be doing another theme week, and I’ll be announcing what that is Wednesday or Thursday on my Facebook and Twitter feeds. So if you’re not already following, please do (click over to the right there). Here’s Roger with a review of “Mr. Right.”

Genre: Action, Romantic Comedy
Premise: Mr. Right is a retired hitman with a code of honor. He only kills the people that try to hire him for jobs. When an organized crime family tries to draw him out of hiding, Mr. Right must save his only friend, a girl he’s fallen in love with who may or may not want anything to do with him.
About: Max Landis is John Landis’ son. They wrote the Masters of Horror episode Deer Woman together. A few years ago, “Mr. Right” made the rounds around town, impressed people, but ultimately was never purchased.
Writer: Max Landis


Martha McKay is a wreck.

If the text messages about hot tubs and anal sex indicate anything, Marth McKay’s boyfriend has cheated on her. A lot. She’s spent the past fifteen days in bed crying.

She explains all this to her psychologist. The psychologist is a sexy female who seems to take offense when Martha categorizes the women her boyfriend has cheated on her with as sluts. Martha connects the dots and realizes that her psychologist is one of the sluts who slept with her boyfriend.
A vase is thrown and female fisticuffs are implied.
Martha’s friends, Elaine and Tatiana, try to take care of Martha, whom spends the next few days drinking inside of closets and scaring the men who hit on her at bars. To the dude who wants to know if Martha is single: “My boyfriend was killed by velociraptors.”
So, if the title implies anything, Mr. Right is gonna be the guy that sweeps Martha off her feet and helps put her back together, right?
Mr. Right likes to kill people whilst wearing a red clown nose.
Wait. What?
That’s Right. When we first meet him, he shoots a woman in the heart. Then eats a Rice-Krispie treat. An odd juxtaposition, as he’s so handsome and whimsical it’s like he walked out of a Busby Berkeley musical comedy.
Martha goes to the pharmacy covered in cat shit and blood.
She works at a pet store called Petacular! (for some reason I kept thinking of Shit-Ass Pet Fuckers!), and it’s just another day on the job trying to wrangle a feline into a cage when the thing claws her and shits like a mink, squirting diarrhea all over her.
Mr. Right is at the pharmacy picking up his meds when he lays eyes on Martha for the first time, smitten. Martha collides into a display of cough-drops and something interesting happens…
…in slow-motion, we see dotted lines appear out of the boxes, showing us their future trajectories. Martha manages to catch one box, but Mr. Right appears at her side, catching all of the other boxes.
It’s weird that he was able to do that, because that was a lot of fucking boxes, man.
Right offers Martha a lifesaver and we understand that Right is either an idiot savant, has Asperger’s Syndrome, or is mildly retarded. Regardless, a sweet musical comedy-like romance begins (think A Life Less Ordinary) as the two go on a date to fast-food joint and eat kid’s meals and play in the park.
All of these scenes made me want to go on a man date with the writer, Max Landis.
This blossoming romance culminates into an ingenious scene where Right is hurling knives at Martha in his apartment. Maybe I can explain this scene better here than I did to a friend over dinner last night, who just looked at me like I was a fucking lunatic.
Martha wants to know how Right moved so quickly in the pharmacy, catching all those cough-drop boxes. Right explains, “Everything we see, like physical things, is all just islands. And under it, carrying it, is this sweeping current…Now if we can feel the current, we can feel other things in the current, other moving things…And we can feel how the current will move them, and we can see where they’ll go.”
Right demonstrates with kitchen knives (we are treated to a hilarious flashback that tells us Martha has an interesting relationship with knives, “I GOT KNIFES FO FINGAHZ!”).
Right gets Martha to see this Current, and he drops a knife, hoping she will catch it, but she gets scared and realizes she’s trapped in an apartment with a potential psychopath. There’s some miscommunication. She needs to find an exit fast. He just wants to explain himself. So what does he do?
He throws a knife at her.
She catches it.
He throws more knives at her.
She catches them. All of them.
We have a cute, whimsical and weird romance. Check. We have Current Theory. Check. But what’s the plot? Isn’t this an action flick?
The relationship seems to be going great. They’ve had a few hiccups and some misunderstandings, but they’re working through them. They’re falling in love.
The first sign that there might be something rotten in Denmark is when Martha sees Right shoot Charlie Cartigan in the face.
The FBI arrives to inform Martha that, yes indeedy, her new boyfriend has killed 89 people.
That’s a lot of people, man. Who is Mr. Right really?
Special Agent Hopper informs us, “His name is Francis Minch. He’s a psychopath. He was formerly one of the world’s most notorious professional killers.”
You see, somewhere along the way, our man Right developed a moral code. He only kills the people that try to hire him for jobs.
And that guy he shot in the face on the park bench? Charlie Cartigan? Yep, he was trying to hire Right for a job. And yep, he was heavily involved in organized crime. And yep, there is going to be retribution.
Who are the villains who will be delivering this retribution?
Von Cartigan, Richard Cartigan, Johnny Howl, Shotgun Steve Gage, and Bruce Cooper.
The crime family and enforcers of the deceased.
How do they get Right to come out of hiding?
Easy, they go after his new girlfriend, Martha.
And that’s pretty much the second half of the script, lots of action as the bad dudes try to kill Right and his girlfriend.
Right not only has to kill all these guys, he has to somehow make amends with Martha and protect this new love they’ve discovered. And Martha has to learn how to trust Right and channel her inner psychopath. Will she surrender to Right and the ballet of bullets that comes with her new Beau?
I mean, if you love the rose, you gotta accept the thorns, too, right?
How is the action, Rog?
Really fucking good. I think every gun known to man is used in this script. There’s even bouncing betties, flashbangs, and a hilarious karate duel.
There are lots of neat scenes where we get to see Right use his Current Theory to take out whole apartment buildings full of bad guys. Like Fred Astaire channeling Leon from The Professional.
The finale kinda reminded me of Lethal Weapon, because Right has to infiltrate the Cartigan Lodge, a mansion where Martha is being held. Insane amounts of firepower and fisticuffs here.
My favorite characters are Shotgun Steve Gage and Bruce, and they have interactions with Right that are really funny.
Shotgun Steve is a guy who always seems to get the upper hand on Right, but through events he has no control of, always falls short. Like shooting Right in the face with a shotgun but discovering someone loaded his gun with birdshot. Or Bruce, who cheats and uses karate, and at one point almost blows himself up with a grenade, earning Right’s sympathy and friendship.
Sounds nuts! Is it good?
While the script is insanely charming, has great dialogue (Max Landis is a real writer with a great ear, people!), and fantastic action, I think the story suffers from both its strength and its weakness: The character of Mr. Right himself.
On one page he’s described as an idiot savant, like Rain Man, and on the next he’s dispatching people with the witty repartee of a stand-up comedian. Who the fuck is this guy?
Is he autistic with zero social skills, or is he the Dorothy Parker of hitmen, a charmer that can entertain a room with his verbal wit and physical grace?
Because we get both here. And I’m not sure if that’s the right choice or not. I’m being told so many different things about him.

Right needs to be more psychologically grounded so he doesn’t seem like such a schizophrenic character. I feel like he’s written two different ways, and it’s hard to get past that.
TL:DR? It’s like True Romance had a threeway with Leon and Grosse Point Blank while Busby Berkeley watched from the corner, touching himself the whole time.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Frankly, I really like Landis’ voice. Great dialogue that reminded me a bit of Martin McDonagh with innovative, well-written action.

In fact, a friend sent me this script because they wanted to show me how Landis writes action. It’s pretty interesting. Check it out:

He snatches away A’s gun, slaps B and C, kicks A in the balls, shoots D with A’s gun, snatches away C’s gun, shoots A with C’s gun, pokes B in the eye as he raises his gun, slaps C and stabs B in the neck with it, and then shoots C in the head with A’s gun.

Now, this prose style is kinda peppered throughout the script, mostly during the fast-paced and chaotic close-quarter fights. I think the prose appropriately reflects the frenzy and confusion of the fight. Each individual move is there, but it’s a blur. Like Right’s combat style itself. And you know, this type of thing is a matter of taste, but as an action writer myself, it makes me think of how I choose to write my action scenes. Studying other writers and their prose expands the toolbox.

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Weekly Rundown

Posted on February 12, 2010 | by admin

First of all, congratulations to Jamie Linden, writer of one my favorites scripts, “Dogs of Babel,” for his big take last weekend. The movie he adapted the screenplay for, “Dear John,” tore it up at the box office. Maybe this will force more people to look at Babel. It definitely needs to be made. I’m hearing that “Safehouse,” the big spec sale of the week (600k) is a solid thriller. A couple of my trusty readers gave it a “worth the read.” I’d review it but it really isn’t my thing and I probably wouldn’t be into it. Also, the Alien prequel draft floating around is not real. I hear that Spaihts isn’t even finished with the first draft yet. The project that most catches my eye in this batch of updates is “Treatment,” about a screenwriter who feigns addiction to get into a rehab clinic to pitch an A-List star. Sounds hilarious. Enough of my opinions though. Here’s Jessica Hall with another weekly rundown!

The spec market is back this week….

In a bidding war, Universal picked up David Guggenheim’s spec SAFE HOUSE for Stuber to produce. Script follows a junior CIA agent who must find a way to transport a dangerous prisoner to a safe house, outmaneuvering various forces that want them both dead. Guggenheim also has Medallion set up with McG as producer. (http://bit.ly/9MMing)

A sale is all but imminent for Shawn Christensen’s spec ABDUCTION. Three studios submitted offers for the teen thriller starring Taylor Lautner. Christensen’s last spec, KARMA COALITION, sold to Warner Brothers for $750,000 against $1.5 million.

Warner Bros. paid mid to high-6 figures for a pitch from William and Scott Bindley (THE GREATEST ESCAPE) for Russell Brand to star. Brand will play the Emilio Estevez role from MIGHTY DUCKS in the untitled flick about an underdog soccer team. (http://bit.ly/atoh2z)

Steven Soderbergh will direct the latest spec from Scott Burns (THE INFORMANT!). Project revolves around the threat posed by a deadly disease, with multiple plotlines in the style of Soderbergh’s “Traffic.” Star-studded cast includes Kate Winslet, Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard and Jude Law. Participant will finance and produce with Double Feature. (http://bit.ly/bMsO62)

Shauna Cross (WHIP IT!) will adapt HESIT SOCIETY for Warner Bros. and Di Novi Pictures. (http://bit.ly/aB8Cln)

One of our favorite scripts, SUNFLOWER by Misha Green, may be moving forward with Wes Craven in talks to direct. The thriller is about two women, imprisoned by a sociopath, who battle both one another and their captor in a struggle to survive. (http://bit.ly/9N8FXt)

New Line announced NEW YEAR’S EVE, the unofficial follow up to this weekend’s new release VALENTINE’S DAY. Katherine Fugate and Garry Marshall will return as writer and director, respectively. The story — with some of the same characters from “Valentine’s Day” — would be set in New York City on New Year’s Eve. (http://bit.ly/cqC4lJ)

Etan Cohen (TROPIC THUNDER) will write the new DreamWorks movie about the Museum of SuperNatural History. DreamWorks announced last week that they had picked up feature rights to the museum and its website, http://www.musunahi.com. Story centers on the curator of a covert organization known as the Museum of SuperNatural History who must seek out and protect the world’s best-kept secrets. (http://bit.ly/bdvdYI)

Über-writers Kurtzman & Orci (STARTREK 11) will write and produce LOCKE & KEY for DreamWorks. Comic adaptation was previously set up at Dimension. (http://bit.ly/aYzoA3)

Sean Nelson (THE FREEBIE) will write as well as star in TREATEMENT, a comedy about an unsuccessful screenwriter who checks into an exclusive rehab to pitch an A-lister his script. Steven Schardt (producer HUMPDAY) will make his feature directing debut. Filming is already underway in L.A. (http://bit.ly/cFlaq0)

New Line has hired Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley to write VACATION, the update/sequel/remake/reboot of the Chevy Chase classic. David Dobkin was formerly attached to direct, but will now only produce. Pic will focus on Rusty Griswald, now a father on his own family road trip. Goldstein & Daley are currently involved in three other projects at New Line, including their original spec $40,000 MAN and rewrites of HORRIBLE BOSSES and BURT WONDERSTONE. (http://bit.ly/bq6Ncy)

Hughes Bros. (BOOK OF ELI) are set to direct AKIRA for WB. The current draft was written by Fergus & Ostby (IRON MAN) with a prior by Gary Whitta (BOOK OF ELI). Film takes place in post-WWIII Manhattan, where a group of motorcycle-riding teens must stop one of their members from abusing his newly acquired telekinetic powers. (http://bit.ly/bkipxh)

DUNE gets a new writer. Chase Palmer has been hired to work director Pierre Morel’s (TAKEN) ideas into Josh Zetumer’s (INFILTRATOR) draft. Morel is looking to stick more closely to the source material. Palmer is also working on two original projects that he will direct, NUMBER 13 and WILD WILD EAST, as well as writing DALLAS BUYER’S CLUB and NO BLOOD, NO GUTS, NO GLORY, which was on last year’s Black List. (http://bit.ly/ahwzgw)

Female team Lutz & Smith (THE UGLY TRUTH) will write BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS for Uni. Musical comedy will be an update of the 1982 Dolly Parton flick. Writers also penned a draft of ONE FOR THE MONEY, which is being fast-tracked by Sony for Katherine Heigl to star. (http://bit.ly/97rgIg)

Established novelist Dennis Lehane will try his hand at feature writing, signing on to adapt his own short story ANIMAL RESCUE. Story revolves around a killing that results from a lost and contested pit bull. His novels include MYSTIC RIVER and SHUTTER ISLAND. Lehane has also written for “The Wire.” (http://bit.ly/94Hdya)

Visual effects producer Grant Boucher will make his feature debut writing and directing JOURNIES, starring Jamie King. Story takes place in the world of online entertainment news, where an aspiring online journalist gets the scoop of a lifetime when a one-on-one interview turns into a date with Hollywood’s hottest young ingénue. (http://bit.ly/9BMq7D)

DREAMGIRLS duo Bill Condon and producer Larry Mark are reuniting for THE SONG IS YOU. Condon will write and direct from a book by Arthur Phillips, who also wrote the short story behind WENCESLAS SQUARE. Music-infused pic is about the unusual relationship that develops between a middle-aged commercials director who fixates on a young woman he hears singing at a bar. (http://bit.ly/aUOcA1)

Ronnie Christensen (PASSENGERS) will adapt EARTHBOUND. Richard Matheson’s novel, recently optioned by Parkes/MacDonald, follows a couple on their second honeymoon as they attempt to rekindle their marriage. The husband is visited by a beautiful stranger and succumbs to her temptation. When he attempts to end their affair, however, he begins to suspect that the enigmatic lady may be a ghost. (http://bit.ly/9twFTT)

BREAKING DAWN, the final book in the Twilight series will be made into two back-to-back movies. Melissa Rosenberg will continue to adapt. Summit is looking at “high-end” directors. ( http://bit.ly/da5YJs)

Fox is in the early stages of planning a feature version of hit show “24” and has brought on Billy Ray (BREACH) to write. Studio is waiting to see this week’s ratings before deciding whether to order another season of the show, a decision that will impact any feature adaptation. (http://bit.ly/acPcKX)

For his next writing and directing project, Peter Bogdanovich’s will adapt Kurt Andersen’s 1999 novel “Turn of the Century” for Das Films with writing partner Parish Rahbar. The novel, which opens in early new-millennium 2000, follows the MacTiers, a Manhattan power couple with three kids who are managing their troubled marriage in a world where BarbieWorld has opened in Vegas and Charles Manson’s parole hearing is live on TV. (http://bit.ly/bJVuS4)

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Oh Never, Spectre Leaf!

Posted on February 12, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Comedy
Premise: After a freak plane crash, an awkward teenage boy must enlist the help of a sexually frustrated dwarf, a smokin’ hot cyborg, and an idiot in a bunny suit to defeat the Nocturnal Wench Everlasting and restore sunlight to the bizarre land of Spectre Leaf.
About: This is the official winner of the Scriptshadow Logline/Screenplay Contest. 1000 Loglines were submitted, which were narrowed down to 100, of which I read the first 10 pages. From those, the 28 best were selected, of which I read the entire screenplay. “Oh Never, Spectre Leaf!” was the clear cut winner. As for C. Ryan and Chad, they wrote a script called “The Wake” (a zombie anthology) that won them Screenplay Of The Month on Triggerstreet in 2007. That led to signing with a manager (Jewerl Ross of Silent R Lit). The South Carolinans then came out to LA to take some meetings in 2008, but unfortunately nothing came of them. So they went back to South Carolina to think up their next masterpiece. Which turned out to be…THIS. Something I thought was really interesting to hear, was that Ryan reviewed 150 scripts on Triggerstreet in a single year. Now to some that might sound like torture, but the second I heard that, everything made sense. This script exercises the kind of skill that only comes from someone who understands all the pitfalls that make a read boring. Turns out those 150 reviews paid off.
Writers: C. Ryan Kirkpatrick and Chad Musick
Details: 110 pages


Oh man, where do I start with this one? I guess we’ll start with the logline. Because I almost didn’t pick it. Quite honestly, it’s not the kind of story that appeals to me. But it was so bizarre, I felt I just had to give it a chance, even though I was 99% sure that they wouldn’t be able to pull it off. These sort of “throw everything and the kitchen sink” at the logline approaches definitely make the logline stand out, but it’s rare that the writers can actually back it up. When I read the first 10 pages, I thought, “Hmmm…this is actually really good.” It was one of the few scripts I marked down immediately as a finalist. There was hope!

But again, I was skeptical. As I noted before, a bad First 10 Pages almost guarantees a bad script. Unfortunately, the flip side of that doesn’t hold true. A *good* first ten pages does not guarantee a *good* script. This is mainly because it’s not hard to write an intriguing first 10 pages. Have someone of prominence get murdered. Have a woman defy physics as she’s chased by mysterious “agents” across city rooftops. Throw a giant alien ship over Johannesburg. It’s really not that difficult when you think about it. But the second act is like an amateur screenwriter graveyard. It’s where scripts go to die. This is where screenplays truly get their mettle tested and I had already experienced too many screenplays that didn’t know what to do once they left the safety of the first 25 pages. Having a clearly definable goal. Building a story. Developing characters that arc. Raising the stakes. Placing obstacles in your characters’ paths. It’s that complex juggling act that you can only learn by doing it over and over and over again.

Now if just writing a good screenplay weren’t enough of a challenge, C. Ryan and Chad decided to make their job even tougher. The story (if you couldn’t tell by the logline) is a reimagining of The Wizard Of Oz. I can’t tell you how many scripts I’ve read that were reimaginings of The Wizard Of Oz or Alice In Wonderland. And every single one of them was, to put it nicely, not good. I’d even go so far as to say nearly every MOVIE that’s ever tried to reimagine these two classics has failed. The problem is, you’re trying to out-imagine two of the most imaginiative stories of all time. Talking lions, card people, tin men, shrinking heroes, flying monkeys. Writer’s attempts to put a new spin on this stuff usually ends up in cliché, failure, or worst of all, embarrassment. Oh Never, Spectre Leaf is the first script I’ve ever read where they reimagine all these things in a fresh new way.

But creating crazy characters is only half the battle. We still have to want to go on the journey with them. And while some of these characters are about as cuddly as a rabid porcupine, you’re always dying to hear the next thing that comes out of their mouths. Probably the thing that impressed me most about this script was just how distinguished all these weird characters were. The dwarf is sexually frustrated, Death is manically depressed, the Wench is eternally cocky, we even have a Shakespearean werewolf. Combine that with each character talking their own way, acting their own way, and the level of uniqueness here just leaps off of the page.

So how does it all go down?

I’ll be honest, it’s kinda hard to summarize Oh Never, Spectre Leaf. It wasn’t designed to light up a coverage report, that’s for sure. But I’ll give it a shot. Holden Tucker is a typical geeky teenager with typical geeky teenager problems, namely that he can’t get laid. His best friend to the end is his pet iguana, Wyclef. When Holden’s single mom gets an unexpected call informing her her mother’s just died, Holden’s forced to jump on the next plane to attend the funeral (and just so you know these guys’ geek cred isn’t in question, the flight number is “815”).

We’re off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard…of…….Spectre Leaf?

The pilots must not have received the entire flight plan because the plane ends up disintegrating in mid-air and scattering across the mysterious island of “Spectre Leaf.” Why is it called “Spectre Leaf?” Because, as one of the characters explains, tongue-in-cheek: once you’re there, you can never “’spect to leave.” Spectre Leaf is basically Joss Whedon’s wet dream. There are enough creatures on this island to fill up every movie and TV show he ends up doing for the rest of his life.

As for Holden, part of his plane landed on and killed what we assume from the two hooker boots sticking out from under it, was probably a prostitute. And that prostitute happened to be a very angry dwarf’s date for the evening. Dink Ledbetter, four feet of muttonchops and the worst mouth this side of Richard Prior is livid. This was, for all intents and purposes, his one chance at getting laid, and Holden and his damn plane ruined it all. If you thought you were prepared for this script before, you might realign your prognosis when Dink hits you with this line: “I was on a picnic, jackass! And I was half a jar of full-moonshine away from cramming my funstuff in her shitbox!”

Despite how much the gun-toting dwarf would like to blow Holden’s face into oblivion, the two find themselves with other problems, such as the Siamese werewolf that just showed up. Mecutio and Pippi Hemingway inform Dink that the Nocturnal Wench Everlasting is on her way and she wants the boy. Not that Dink could give a shit, but he apparently hates the Nocturnal Wench more than he hates Holden, so he grabs him and the two make a mad dash into the sewers of Spectre Leaf.

Eventually they end up at Dink’s old Orphanage, where Holden learns his purpose. The land of Spectre Leaf has been expecting him. For the last three dozen years, the island has been cast into darkness by the Nocturnal Wench Everlasting, and if Holden can get his hands on a set of three golden keys, he may be able to unlock the chest that has kept this place in darkness, breaking the wench’s spell and bringing light back to the land of Spectre Leaf. A very unhappy Dink is assigned to protect him on his journey. And a half-retarded man-bunny named Harvey (of course) will also join them for…well, it’s not clear why Harvey’s joining them but it’s a half-retarded man-bunny so I don’t think we’re supposed to ask questions. The trio (along with Wyclef his Iguana) jump onto the “Highway to Hell” and off they go.

Although all Holden wants to do is get back home, his journey takes him through a cast of characters unlike any you’ve ever seen. There are large-breasted cyborgs, serial killer ninjas, Cyclopeses, tiny men in large wheelchairs, and even Death himself (who’s a manic-depressive due to the Wench Everlasting’s relentless abuse). And that’s just the first half of the script. They say that watching the original Wizard Of Oz on acid is the quintessential “perfect trip.” I say Spectre Leaf is the result of C. Ryan and Chad going on this trip one too many times. :)

And yes, I can hear some of the skepticism now. I can hear it seeping out of your cynical brains and into your keyboards and clogging the internet. “It’s too much! It’s too crazy!” I think if I were in your place, I’d probably be saying the same thing. But here’s the difference. These guys know how to write. They’re talented enough and smart enough to make it work. As I mentioned before, I’m not the audience for werewolves and witches and angry dwarves. The writers even said to me themselves that due to my well-documented taste in quirky independent character fare, they figured they had no shot. And yet still, I made this leap of faith and I loved it.

Is it perfect? No. If I were offering feedback to the team (nudge nudge) I’d develop the characters a little more. When I look back at the original Wizard of Oz, Dorothy really isn’t the one who changed. It was everyone else (the tin man, the scarecrow and the lion). But that was the 30s and we approach characters a little differently these days. I feel like all of the main characters should go through some sort of transformation (however slight) and I have to admit, Holden felt a little thin. We know so little about his life beforehand (his wants, his desires, his flaws) that there really isn’t a whole lot to explore once we get to the island. I’d love to see that change.

Also, despite my earlier comment, there are a few places where it is sensory overload. There are so many crazy characters and so much going on that there are sequences that feel like great big blobs of shiny colors. I had to step back and go, “whoa, wait a minute, what’s going on here?” But for the most part, these guys maneuver their way through these moments skillfully – almost as if they’re sensing your concerns – and we’re right back to the story before you know it.

I also sense that the main criticism will be that a script like this will never get made. The budget would be too high. I wouldn’t say that criticism is outrageous, but I’m not so sure you couldn’t market this film as a reimagining (or different take) on The Wizard of Oz and get a decent box office return. You’d need to land a director who could handle the material but stranger things have happened. I actually think if “Alice In Wonderland” does well, it could propel the profile of this script quite a bit. But that’s neither here nor there. I’ll let the people with money answer that question.

My one final question for C. Ryan and Chad is…why no musical number? It seems like a natural nod, and would fit perfectly inside this bizarre world you’ve created.

This script is proof to me that there are talented writers out there who simply haven’t gotten their shot. All they need is a little exposure. Hopefully this review makes it a little easier for them.

First Ten Pages of Spectre Leaf: First Ten Pages (If you’d like to read the full script, contact C. Ryan and Chad at flanagancrk@aol.com).

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Putting your characters on a physical journey (walking, flying, roadtrip) is a great device for a story because the goal of the characters is always clear to us. They’re trying to get to [whatever place they’re trying to get to]. So you don’t have to manipulate the reader and come up with some forced artificial goal that propels them forward. The journey structure does all the work for you.

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Sherlock Holmes and The Vengeance Of Dracula

Posted on February 11, 2010 | by admin

Poor Sherlock Holmes! By even the most conservative estimates, the movie was a solid success, and yet no one I know has even mentioned it to me. Why? Because it was swallowed up by the Na’vi! Those giant blue creatures stole Guy Ritchie’s thunder, and probably millions of dollars from the film’s coffers. This movie could have been a sensation, blanketing movie blogs with stories about “the return of the most popular movie character of all time.” By that internet real estate was given to James Cameron’s behemoth. Poor Robert Downey Jr. Who knows if his career will ever recover. Anyway, friend of the site and sometimes reviewer Michael Stark is here to give us his take on another Sherlock Holmes project that was bandied about but never made. Let’s give him our full undivided attention, assuming we’re not strapping on our 3-D glasses and watching Avatar for the fifth time.

Genre: Mash-up of gothic horror and action/adventure.
Premise: Holmes vs. Drac. Nuff said, Pilgrim.
About: Christopher Columbus would have directed this unproduced fanboy fave if it wasn’t for that damned Harry Potter. Jude Law was ironically considered as Holmes. Script sold for 700k against 1.1 million. Marc Gordon is the producer on the project. Sony is currently still sitting on the project.
Writer: Michael B Valle
Details: 126 pages (I imagine an early if not first draft)


We are the Sherlock Holmes English Speaking Vernacular Help save Fu Manchu, Moriarty and Dracula
“The Village Green Preservation Society” – The Kinks

Professor Stark once again will take the Wayback Machine down to the lowermost levels of development hell, armed only with a crucifix, a feather duster and his trusted fireplace bellows to brush off an old spec script that deservedly– and with due market diligence — should rise again.

It’s elementary, my dear execs. After the rollicking success of the DowneyRitchie Sherlock Holmes and the non-stop obsession of all things bloodsucking, Sherlock Holmes and The Vengeance of Dracula seems a no-brainer to un-stake and re-slate.

Holmes vs. Drac (my shorthand retitling) is an action adventure based on existing material (in the public-freaking-domain) that has had proven worldwide appeal for over one hundred years. So, why not, in the entrepreneurial spirit of Alien vs. Predator, Freddy vs. Jason and Godzilla vs. Mothra put these two Victorian superstars together in one, big, expensive, creature feature?!! Hell, Columbia, you already own the script.

Holmes vs. Drac was a spec written by novice scribe, Michael Valle, bought by Columbia in 1999 for $700,000 against a cool million with Christopher Columbus eager to direct. Aging fanboys will recall that ChrisCo wrote the Spielberg produced, Young Sherlock Holmes way back in 1985. Cause all spec scripts must be heavily rewritten, Rand Ravich was later hired to change things up a bit. Valle unfortunately passed away in 2001 and the project seemed to slip from ChrisCo’s consciousness as he embarked onto Harry Potterdom. The script is such an industry and fan favorite that Uberfanboy Harry Knowles openly pleaded with ChristCo to turn the beat around on his “favorite unproduced script”. Now, I too join Harry’s battle cry, adding only:

Just don’t turn the damn thing into Van Helsing!

I did indeed dig Holmes vs. Drac. But, heck, it’s my kinda Weird Tale. I’m a genre-mash-up-period-piece fanatic who loves penny dreadfuls, gothic ghost stories, Victorian bodice rippers, rickety steam powered contraptions, the foggiest of moors, extremely haunted castles, clockwork turks, consulting detectives and the whole lot of Universal Movie Monsters as long as they are terrorizing the Village Green or Queen Vic’s London.

Hell, my writing partner and I just finished scribbling one of these period piece mash-ups ourselves. (Will the usually lazy copyeditor, Carson, let that little self-promotional plug remain? Only the Shadow knows.)

Now, intrepid reader, if you don’t like pulp novels, old movies and comic books, this definitely won’t be your cup of tea. You may want to skip ahead to the next romcom or contained thriller soon to be reviewed here. But, for those few intrepid souls still standing – err, seated — let’s enter the inner sanctum and deconstruct this mother.

Now, these two dudes have crossed swords previously on paper in Fred Saberhagen’s “Seance for a Vampire” and Loren D. Estleman’s “Sherlock Holmes vs. Dracula”, proving once again there is very little new under the sun, especially when you’re hijacking famous characters for your plots.

So, how does Valle bring our two literary icons together? Knowledge of the Stoker and Conan Doyle universes is handy but not altogether mandatory to enjoy this ripping yarn. Count Dracula returns to England to exact revenge on Van Helsing, Dr. John Seward and Lord Godalming, who kind-of-almost-sort-of defeated the evil Romanian in the original canon. The stake through the heart wasn’t quite enough to kill the Nosferatu. I hate to say I told you so, but you needed to cut his bloody head off too.


Vengeful Vlad goes after Godalming first, setting up his murder as a convincing suicide. Unbeknownst to the Count, the guy had a perky & pretty Nancy Drew of a cousin, Constance Bracknell, who is suspicious enough to hire the world’s most famous consulting detective to take a closer look. Usually I can’t stand the contrivance of the spirited young lady playing junior detective, but somehow Valle charmingly pulls it off. Maybe cause I really have a crush on this fictional character. Is that wrong? She’s awfully hot.

Meanwhile, Holme’s arch enemy, Professor Moriarty, the Napoleon of Crime, is intrigued by the rusty ship the vampire sailed in on. Thinking he is robbing some priceless artifacts, his men unwittingly disturb the Count’s coffin. The surviving thug’s story of the bat-attack piques the Prof’s interests even more than the silver and gold he thought he was stealing.

So, now it’s a race against time between Holmes and Moriarty to see who finds Dracula first. Holmes vows to stop the monster before he kills again. Moriarty wants to become a vamp himself, making him the ultimate, unstoppable, immortal mastermind criminal.

Now, that’s an awesome premise right there. But, it gets even better. The Professor gets to Dracula first and when the vamp eventually betrays his new best friend, Moriarty must suck it up and team up with Holmes to stop the Count from taking over London (and then the world) with his fiendish Fu Manchu worthy plot.

Moving forward, the ante amazingly keeps getting pushed further up with Holmes becoming a fugitive from the law, Watson getting bit and Constance literally torn between two lovers.

Whew! That’s all the plot I’m gonna spoil, cause you’re gonna read it. Right?

The script definitely lives up to its thrill ride status. Even at a bloated 126 pages, it kept me turning and guessing till the end. The only thing noticeably absent was the mandatory action flick humor. Given, neither Sherlock Holmes nor Dracula were exactly known for cracking wise, but previous screen incarnations would use Watson or Drac’s human lackeys for a little comic relief. Downey’s re-invention gives the detective a healthy dose of sarcasm and narcissism for our amusement. We’ll compare the choices between these two scripts later.

For your mandatory character arc, Valle’s Sherlock must open his mind to the unscientific possibilities of the supernatural (faith vs reason, Jack) and his hermetically sealed heart to Constance, who Dracula, of course, has sized up as a tasty potential lifemate.

Holmes vs. Drac is both a throwback to the atmospheric Universal and Hammer horror flicks and the Spielbergian reinvention of serialized amazing adventure stories. There are some fantastic action sequences (some tailored made for a theme park ride), colorful secondary characters (I especially liked Mollie, the hot, trampy vamp) and enough violence and gore to keep the young kids from texting throughout the whole deal.

There’s even a scene out of The Lost Boys where our two unlikely allies drum up some monster-killing weapons with their limited Victorian-tech. How I love Steampunk, clockwork Victorian tech. Ach, it’s my geeky weakness. Oh, Lord, how I want a mechanical woman with her gear shafts showing.

Eek, have I turned into Roger Balfour???

Okay, it’s quite up my creepy alley, but the script is not without its flaws. I know that I probably read the first draft and that I’ll incur the wrath of Knowles for saying it, but the thing may be a ton of fun, but it still needs some tinkering.

That brings us to our first point of discussion. Does a script have to be perfect to sell? Or to even be brought to market? Can it skate by with just a nifty high concept alone? In today’s incredibly shrinking spec script market, can one still sell by premise alone? Was the bought-for-mega bucks Medieval anywhere near faultless? Faithful Script Shadow readers please make voice in the comment section.

Columbus was supposed to direct. But alas, now he never will…

The biggest bit of trouble with Holmes vs Drac is that there’s a hell of a lot of dialogue. Vast pages and pages and pages of it. Although the speech is authentic to the pulps and penny novels of the time, it clunks on cement by today’s standards. I’m sure the first thing the execs ordered was a STAT dialogue polish. Which brings us to our second topic of discussion for the boards. How do you write a period piece that will both appeal to purists, fanboys, tweens and civilians alike?

We may find the answer by comparing this Holmes to the recent blockbuster. While Valle voices every detail of the detective’s great deductive process ala the early Rathbone films, Ritchie’s writers show it instead of just telling it. Guy’s characters aren’t Thoroughly Modern Millies, but they sidestep some of the more cliched conversational conventions of the genre. Valle’s draft unfortunately is awash with loving lemons like “You foiled my daring plot.” And “Your primitive brain has no conception how precious this treasure is.”

Even for an old movie buff like myself those exchanges made the read a little plodding at times.

So, how do you hold onto the nostalgia and romanticism without getting too quaint and corny? How do you avoid turning this awesome homage into another League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Somehow those producers wove genius source material into dull straw, managing to destroy our collective memories of Alan Quatermain, Captain Nemo, Mr. Hyde and the Invisible Man in one fell swoop.

On the other side of the slug, how do you avoid making a Van Helsing? Obviously that team had a great love and respect for the pantheon of Universal Monster Movies, but the film didn’t just run off the rails, it didn’t have any rails to begin with. It was a little too much fun!

What’s the proper mix? When does a retro feel suddenly slide into parody? Do you think The Rocketeer pulled it off? The Mummy? Or Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow? The first Indiana Jones is still the gold standard for this kind of flick, a formula that even Spielberg himself hasn’t always been able to duplicate.

Valle’s script affectionately keeps Conan Doyle’s and Stoker’s characters extremely true to textbook form. But does that form still fly today? These are reboot times where even Spiderman, a film only nine years young, is going through a total retooling. Can the likes of Dracula and Sherlock Holmes dare remain the way they always were? Or must they be transformed into emo teens and bare-knuckled, shirtless brawlers for today’s tastes?

Truth be told, Sherlock Holmes and The Vengeance of Dracula probably could have used a minor face-lift. I’d like to have seen his Holmes a lot less Jeremy Brent and a bit more Robert Downey Jr. And, Dracula needed to be channeling his inner Gary Oldman rather than his legendary, long-winded Lugosi.

If a writer dares to bring an iconic literary figure into their work, I still believe they can bend the rules a bit and make them totally (kinda-sorta) their own creation.

I give this script an impressive. Cause even with the few warts exposed, I think the writer was just a draft or two away from totally nailing it. It being a huge tentpole franchise that would’ve rained money down from heaven. You write the next Pirates of the Caribbean and I’ll be pretty impressed by you too.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[X ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: It isn’t always easy borrowing famous characters for your narrative. If you re-imagine them too much, you can have more protestors than The Last Temptation of Christ. Plus, being both in the public domain and the collective consciousness, a few hundred other writers are probably putting Alice in Hoboken and Robin Hood on Mars just like you are.

Also, Holmes vs. Drac confirmed Professor Stark’s Fourth Rule of Screenwriting – always end your movie with a 50-foot tall monster. Hell, nothing less will do.

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