So as many of you are probably aware, the 2009 Black List is coming soon. On December 11th to be exact. And now they have a website to tantalize and tempt us until that forever-away date arrives.

A few reasons why you might want to check it out. First, they have a mailing list which I hear will be announcing some things about the new directions the list is going in. Second, there’s a blog that will keep you updated on all Black List related info. And third, there’s an opportunity for some of you artists to be a part of Black List history, as they’re looking for someone to come up with the cover art for this year’s list. If you’re interested in submitting, head over to that section of that site.

Can’t wait for this list to finally hit!

The last time Michael Stark (real name) reviewed a script for me was the Freeman/Willis action project, “Red.” Well Michael is back again with a script by screenwriting legend William Goldman. There was a time when Goldman sold every piece of paper that came out of his typewriter. And some of those were grocery lists. As for Michael, he’s no chopped liver either. He sold a couple of specs to Hollywood a decade ago, then up and left. Only recently, after finding Scriptshadow, was he inspired to start writing again. Hey, that’s why I started this thing. To get you guys writing dammit. Now sit down, read this review, then read the script. You can work on your script some other time. :)

Genre: Swashbuckler
Premise: Basically Butch and Sundance as buccaneers.
About: Unproduced William Goldman script from 1978. Sean Connery and Roger Moore once attached. Part one of a three-picture deal with legendary producer, Joseph E Levine. None got made at the time. Goldman, Hollywood’s Go-to-Guy for over three decades, did not get work for five years after that.
Writer: William Goldman

Okay, Shadow Poppets, Professor Stark has set the Hollywood Way Back Machine to 1978, a simpler time when screenwriters were no longer mere schmucks with Underwoods, but yet to command the hyper-inflated, paychecks of the Shane Black Era. It was an age when Scribbler Gods like Robert Towne and William Goldman walked the Earth and our planet was a much better place for it.

William Goldman, for those born after the Bruckheimesozoic Period, was the master craftsmen behind Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, All The President’s Men, The Princess Bride, Magic, Marathon Man and Misery. In those frontier days before Syd Field nailed his 95 theses on the studio doors, Goldman’s published screenplays and autobiography, “Adventures In The Screen Trade”, were the only compasses out there for us young scripters. He was, for many of us, our first mentor.

According to legend, The Sea Kings would have teamed up Sean Connery and Roger Moore as the famed pirates, Blackbeard and Bonnet, a rather neat, doubled Bonded hook if they had pulled it off. Unfortunately, this swashbuckler never set sail because the producer, Joseph E. Levine, financed all his movies out of his own pocket. By the time this script was budgeted, movies just became too expensive (damned cattle salaries) and Levine refused to go begging the studios for assistance.

I’ve always wanted to read this script. Thanks to loose lips, Xerox machines and Script Shadow’s vaster than the Vatican’s network of spies, I finally got my hot little mitts on it! For a fan, this was like finding buried treasure.

But, alas, like the Legend of Curly’s Gold, some treasures were meant to stay buried. I ain’t saying The Sea Kings is bad, it’s just not the perfection I expected from one of my idols. It’s kinda like a bootleg album: quite good — great maybe if you are an obsessed collector — but probably left unpolished, unproduced and unreleased for a reason. And, like much of the other works of art in Script Shadow’s storehouse, who knows what draft I’ve even read.

I had pretty sky high expectations for Goldman tackling the sea-faring genre. Wouldn’t you? Hell, the man wrote The Princess Bride, one of the most romantic, quote worthy, fantasy, adventure flicks of all times.

So, why am I disappointed? Well, the first real spot of action scene doesn’t take place till 30 pages in. The first sword fight doesn’t happen till page 52. And, the first wench doesn’t even appear till page 60. Now, pages 100 – 132 are totally golden and magnificent and redeems the earlier flaws, but one wishes Richard Lester had given Goldman some Musketeering notes for the first two acts. There just really needed to be some more swashbuckling!

Okay, remember that this is 1978. The language of both film and screenwriting was different back then. Goldman didn’t employ the shorthand we’ve since grown accustomed to. He uses long, long paragraphs to describe the main characters, their ships and all the geography around them. There are so many historical sources referenced, you wonder if he’ll eventually resort to Ibids and Op. cits at the bottom of the page.

He uses almost a whole page to describe our first encounter with Blackbeard. I know this breaks all the rules your books and teachers and script coverage services have taught you. I don’t care. I totally ate it up! I’m not gonna reprint his intro here, so, please, download the link and at least get to page 4. Yup, it’s way too much information. Today, the young tots who wrote Medieval would merely have said: “He was a bug fucking dude with a big fucking sword and a fucking big beard.” Goldman is a wee bit more classy. Such were the 70s.

The Sea Kings is a tale of two buccaneers. Blackbeard, the notorious menace of the high seas and Major Steed Bonnet, who turned to piracy pretty much out of misplaced romanticism, a near death experience and simple boredom. Give a rich guy a beautiful but mean wife that withholds sex and constantly degrades him, no doubt he’ll buy an eye patch, build a ship and head for the Barbary Coast too. Now, according to legend that was exactly the reason Bonnet turned to the Pirate’s Life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem too believable. Sometimes truth is too far damn whimsical then fiction.

Today, all action movies start with a nice set piece to get the blood pumping and the sphincters kept on the seats. Although we get a mystical money shot of Blackbeard’s empty ship scaring a trading vessel into surrender by his terrible reputation alone, the first action sequence doesn’t come till the second act when the sea sick novice Captain Bonnet actually commits his first act of plundering.

Bonnet’s beginner’s luck is simply amazing as he takes down five ships pretty much in a row. Then, he tries to steal some Pirate’s Booty away from Blackbeard himself. The Beard spares Bonnet’s life for no better reason than pure whimsy. For a pirate that was pretty historically cruel, this doesn’t ring quite right. But, Black, tired and broke, sees a way to turn a profit off his pesky new competitor, thus the beginning of a beautiful friendship between Sea Dog Mentor and Sea Dog Protégé.

They become fast friends like Butch and Sundance or Michael Caine and Sean Connery In The Man Who Would Be King. They get along splendidly. Too splendidly perhaps. I mean, Blackbeard was a total, psychopathic badass. There would have been more tension if we really believed that Black could turn on his new best friend at any moment. Thus, our first missed opportunity at some really high stakes.

Both pirates are just a bit too cute. Cuter than Captain Jack Sparrow. Cuter than Geena Davis in Cut Throat Island. Cuter than Graham Chapman in Yellowbeard. Cuter even than Jean Lafoote’s Cinnamon Crunch. I imagine pirates to be far more treacherous, lecherous and fugly.

Black’s Fence in none other than the Governor of North Carolina and we are given another detailed history lesson about colonial life with again too many Ibids and Op. Cits. Blackbeard may be a ferocious buccaneer, but he’s not the hottest businessman, so Bonnet saves his ass as they auction off their stolen goods and even helps get his buddy laid later that night by posing as a pastor. There is blue skies, clear sailing and zero tension till an aside mention that the colony of Virginia has put a bounty of the Beard’s infamous head. AHHHH, we finally spy in the distance the black flag of conflict!

The boys stay a wee bit too long on dry land and when they finally return to the Atlantic near page 80, they kidnap some rich Virginians and must return to those hostile shores to collect their ransom. Here, we get some much needed swordplay and Blackbeard’s scorpion and Frog betrayal of Bonnet.

It is this betrayal and Bonnet’s subsequent revenge that makes the last 30 pages of this script so action-packed and awesome. If the whole picture had that kinda juice. I would have given Sea Kings an impressive rating. Or, as it was 1978, a few shots of Jacqueline Bisset walking the plank in just a T-shirt might have worked too.

I guess I would have liked a little less high jinks on the high seas and a lot more Captain Blood. Thankfully, Goldman would get the mixture perfect a few years later in The Princess Bride.

How perfect?

“Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles… “ Peter Falk, The Princess Bride

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

So, what did I learn? I love to do research. In the old days, I would camp inside the New York Public Library and order many rare, out of print books that took weeks to arrive. Now, with Wikipedia, I have everything I need in the matter of seconds. Seems kinda unfair, but I can now write period pieces in less than a century.

Research is fun, but don’t knock that inkwell over all your pages. We don’t have to know why pirates swabbed their desk so often or what kind of wood was used for someone’s wooden teeth. Goldman’s factuals would be great in a novel and totally a coup for the set designer, the costume maker and the DP, but it really bogs down the script’s readability.

Lot’s been going on this past week. The deadline for the Scriptshadow Logline/Screenplay Contest was nearing but I decided to extend it until Friday. So if you still want to enter, get those loglines in to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Some good news came up with #1 reader fave Source Code so make sure to chime in if you’re a fan of who’s now attached to the project. If you haven’t yet looked at the Top 25 List and its companion piece the Top 10 List Not Yet Reviewed on Scriptshadow, please do so now. And don’t forget to learn a little more about me and the site in this post. This week is going to be a little busy as I mull over which loglines will make the Top 100, so expect at least one extra Guest Review. Today, Roger tackles some material he’s quite familiar with, the #9 script on the list of scripts not yet reviewed on the site, the once David Fincher attached project, Torso. I’d anticipate one more review from that list later this week. Here’s Roger…

Genre: Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Premise: In 1935, Elliot Ness and two police detectives (known as “The Unknowns”) struggle to capture the notorious Cleveland serial killer, “The Torso Murderer”.
About: A true crime trade-paperback of a 6 part-limited series published by Image Comics. It won the 1999 Eisner Award for “Comic Book Excellence, Talent Deserving of Wider Recognition”. This is a 1st draft from 2000. David Fincher was set to direct the film version for Paramount Pictures with Ehren Kruger as screenwriter. On September 7th, 2009, in an unedited episode of Fanboy Radio, Bendis confirmed that this version of the film had been cancelled and that the rights had reverted back to him.
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis & Marc Andreyko

It’s funny how life comes full-circle.

I was a wee lad when someone handed me a graphic novel called “Torso”.

And then, a few days ago, Carson asked me to review a script adaptation to a tome that introduced me to the world of crime noir before I ever read Chandler or saw “Chinatown”.

“Torso” is one of those formative books that shaped me as a person.

A close friend told me I’m the perfect guy for the job, but man, I feel like I’m unable to accurately review and rate this script. But I’ll try.

Who are these Bendis & Andreyko cats?

Brian Michael Bendis possibly writes faster than I can read.

There was a period in my life where I would walk into the comic-book store and it was like Bendis was writing every goddamn title under Marvel’s banner. Say what you will about his storytelling, but orchestrating and writing the Marvel “event” storylines (which affect every title), “House of M”, “Secret War”, and “Secret Invasion”, takes some serious energy and, quite possibly, years of plotting.

Over at DC, Marc Andreyko created Kate Spencer, the first female character to carry the helm in the “Manhunter” series. Spencer somehow jumped ship and ended up as Gotham’s D.A. in “Birds of Prey”, but that’s another story.

Andreyko and Bendis are known for combining forces back in the late 90’s to write a 6-part limited series for Image Comics called “Torso”.

That’s such an evocative, grit-infused title. Where does it come from?

From the Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run.

A serial killer that killed thirteen people between 1935 and 1938 in Cleveland, Ohio.

Modus operandi: Beheaded and dismembered victims. Most of the male victims were castrated. The torsos were treated with chemicals and cut in half, and many of the torsos were discovered, preserved with a faint orange tint, usually a considerable time after their owner’s deaths.

The Torso Killer.

Enter Eliot Ness, leader of the recently disbanded and incorruptible Untouchables.

Part of the brilliance of “Torso” is that it could be the dark sequel to Brian De Palma’s “The Untouchables”. What’s even more mind boggling is that a human-being lived this.

This is Eliot Ness’ life.

Sure it may take dramatic license. It may embellish, dramatize and theorize, but when you get right down to it, these are pages torn out of a human being’s life. How amazing is that?

The situation is simple. Elliot Ness and his wife Edna have moved to Cleveland with the hopes of a more peaceful life in which Eliot can devote more time to their marriage and spend less time grooming his public persona as a crime-buster.

But Ness tries to live in two worlds.

In his position as the city’s new Safety Director, Ness is tasked with “turning the police department into a respectable law enforcement operation”.

Translation: Ness is going to bump heads with Cleveland’s criminal kingpins and fire all of the corrupt cops.

Complication: The Torso Killer is leaving a wake of unidentified bodies, taking over the newspaper headlines and casting a shadow of fear over the populace.

Ticking clock: The Mayor is freaking out because Cleveland is hosting the Republican National Convention, and well, it kinda looks bad when a serial killer is on the loose terrorizing the host city’s citizens.

Stakes: Ness must find and apprehend the killer lest his legendary reputation be tarnished. Even if it means throwing his marriage under the bus of this hellish manhunt.

And with Al Capone behind bars, the Torso Killer becomes Ness’ next “great white whale”.

Who are “The Unknowns”?

Detective Walter Myrlo and Detective Sam Simon lead the Torso Killer investigation. They’re a pair of incorruptible policemen that don’t receive pink slips when Ness cleans house.

Sam is a young and handsome bachelor, while Myrlo is married and grizzled. Myrlo is the more experienced of the two, and Sam is usually the one stuck doing all of their paperwork.

I like Eliot Ness, but Sam might be my favorite character. In a way, there’s a character detail about him (which I won’t give away here) that creates a sense of pathos for the whole story.

What happens to Sam in the third act is something that made me throw the graphic novel down and just think about the story for a while and simply, breathe. I’m pleased to report that the moment is preserved in the script, and it’s powerful.

Of course, the comparisons to Detective Mills and Somerset in “Se7en” are unavoidable, but the part where Myrlo utters, “No shit. We get to be ‘Untouchables?’” gave me fucking goosebumps.

I think the shining moment of the script is how Eliot Ness reacts to Edna leaving him. First off, Edna’s confrontation with an obsessed and stretched-thin and desperate Ness is preserved almost verbatim from the graphic novel.

And it’s such a perfect, knock-down moment that, if you’ve ever had someone break up with you, will take your breath away. Edna’s line is just classic.

But it’s just the set-up.

Ness, in a temptestuous manifestation of pain, decides to take away the Torso Killer’s victims. He gathers his troops and takes them to Cleveland’s Shantytown, where squatters displaced by the Great Depression are struggling to survive.

And in a moment that tells us we’re at the end game, Ness says, “Burn this eyesore to the ground.”

Do we ever find out the identity of The Torso Killer?

Yes and no. It’s kinda like asking, “Hey, did we ever figure out who Jack the Ripper was?” And in a lot of ways, we’re tilling some of the same soil in Alan Moore’s “From Hell”.

Bendis and Andreyko shed some light on the subject and it seems to parallel the identity of the killer in real life.

They add a coda to the ending that’s not found in the graphic novel, that slightly spins it from a tragic dead-end into a Pyrrhic victory, and admittedly, I do like this ending better than the original one.

Do you think the script holds up to the graphic novel, Rog?

In an autobiographical comic worth hunting down, “Fortune & Glory”, Bendis documents his experience adapting his and Andreyko’s graphic novel for Hollywood.

He initially turned in a draft that was two-hundred pages plus, and his agent thought it was great but he amusingly mentioned that, usually, screenplays are like…one-hundred-and-twenty pages?

Max.

So Bendis shaves and shaves it down, and in this reviewer’s opinion, sacrifices some of the substance that makes “Torso” a rich, dark chocolate when you digest it. There’s something about it that won’t quite dissolve completely.

The experience sticks to you, leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Unfortunately, this script left something out of the recipe.

Bendis and Andreyko manage to distill the essence of the plot, but in doing so they cut away too much flesh of the story. It’s not that they bled the story to death, but there’s definitely an emotional weight that’s lost in the translation. And it’s not like our creators-turned-screenwriters are incapable, but it’s almost like someone guided them into shoehorning a story that needs space into a claustrophobic spec script mold.

I kept thinking of David Fincher’s “Zodiac”, and how much it seems like the cinematic moral twin to “Torso”. I believe someone like David Fincher (or a director of his caliber) could breathe some life into the bones of this script and resurrect the graphic novel experience Bendis & Andreyko fans know so well.

Part of me wants to give it an [x] impressive rating, and maybe that’s deservedly so (for its excellent dialogue, clean command of action/direction passages, and a story that’s at least on par with “Se7en”, if not “Zodiac), but I already knew all the twists and turns beforehand, and thus the mesmerizing sense of discovery and emotional attachment, as a whole, was missing.

It’s sort of like re-watching an abridged version of a movie you love. You still love it, but it’s not as engrossing in its abridged form. Sadly, it’s missing something, and no matter how hard you try, you keep comparing it to its unabridged form.

Or it’s the difference between walking from room-to-room in a mansion, and then being shown the blue-prints to its remodeled version as a four-bedroom house.

Hence I rate “Torso” as:

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

But I rest assured, knowing many of you first-time “Torso” readers will consider it [x] impressive. And that’s okay by me, because in terms of the spec script mold, it certainly is.

What I learned: Ask Brian Michael Bendis for writing advice, and he might say, “Always put your characters in the place they would least like to be.” The last place Eliot Ness wants to be is chasing a serial killer. He just came from Chicago, where he chased bootleggers and gangsters, his efforts leading to the arrest of his “great white whale”, Al Capone. But during this journey, one of his best friends was killed and he almost lost his wife. Does he really want to chase the great white whale again and endanger his marriage? One might argue that Ness’ flaw is his obsession to solve “one more case”, and the events that unfold are more tragic for it. Try it. Put your character where they least want to be, and you might find you’ve placed them at the cross-roads where the storms of conflict intersect.

Hip hip hooray! You guys did it. By putting Source Code at the top of the Reader List, you convinced Hollywood to take the project seriously and put it into production. All jokes aside (or am I joking) this is really exciting. In one month, my two favorite scripts both got green lights! Today, Source Code nabbed Gyllenhall for the lead, which is a great choice. I think he’s perfect for the role. Also “Moon” helmer, Duncan Jones, will be directing! Now we just need to get Brigands of Rattleborge made and all will be good with the world. Here’s the story in Variety.

So, there have been some new people to jump on the site recently (probably due to the Top 25 List) and it’s been awhile since I’ve really talked about Scriptshadow, so I figured it was a good time to recap how you can get the most out of the site.

Facebook and Twitter – I have both a Facebook Fan Page and a Twitter account. It’s a good idea to become a fan for a key reason. I announce new blog posts the second they go up, and since occasionally writers and producers will ask me to take a script link down, you may be able to get to that link before it’s removed. So stop messing around and join my Facebook and Twitter pages!

Comments – My original vision was to have Scriptshadow become the de facto site for discussing screenplays. Although I believe I’ve achieved that, not enough of you know about or visit the comments section. I know it may be annoying initially, but go sign up for a “Disqus” account so you can start commenting! Since your e-mail is then shown to me, if you leave a comment or ask a question (“I’m looking for this script. Where do I find it?”), I can e-mail you directly with an answer. It’s an alternative way to get in direct contact with me.

I know for some of you, you’ve had trouble with the commenting system. I’ve tried four major commenting programs now, and this is the one with the least amount of hassle. If it’s not working for you, try another browser (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or Safari). My experience has been that Mozilla Firefox on a PC works best. Macs have had the most trouble in the commenting department, but trying alternative browsers seems to solve most of the problems. I apologize that the comments are such a disaster for some people, but I’ve spent many hours on it and this is the best I’ve been able to come up with.

Scripts I’m Looking For – This site cannot exist without the generosity of its contributors. Over to the top right there is a list of scripts I’m looking for. If you have anything on the list, help out and send it along so I can review it. If it makes you nervous, send from a fake e-mail.

More About Me – I don’t talk about myself much on the site, but I did do an interview with Kristy at Matriarchal Script Paradigm awhile back. Looking back at it now, I come off as a sex-addict for some reason. So if you can get past that, you might learn a thing or two about me.