We’re now officially just six days away from the 2009 Black List (it hits December 11th). Scriptshadow will be the go-to site for all the Black List coverage. Analysis, breakdown, reviews, etc. So you script-sniffing psychos better be ready.

Genre: Coming-of-Age/Comedy
Premise: A lonely teenager spends a life-changing summer at a water park with his family in 1984.
About: Yes, if the first thing that came to mind reading that premise was “Adventureland,” you’re not alone. But I’ll get to the similarities later in the review. Staying true to my promise to give you more Black List scripts as we creep closer to 2010’s selections, “The Way Back” is the number 10 ranked script on the 2007 compilation. Faxon and Rash, the writers, also wrote the more recent Black List entry, The Descendents, which will be Alexander Payne’s next movie, and was reviewed over on Matriarchal Script Paradigm.
Writers: Jim Rash and Nat Faxon
Details: 115 pages (2007 draft)

The Way Back is Adventureland by way of a sweeter Kevin Smith mixed with a dash of Dazed and Confused, as well as a healthy dose of Faxon and Rash’s own unique voice. Duncan Ramsey is your atypical 15 year old, a loner unwillingly drafted into that unavoidable war known as your teenage years. His mother, Pam, is a bit of a lush. His stepfather, Trent, is a lot of an asshole, and his fellow teenage sister, Steph, just wants to get through the summer wearing as little clothing as possible. Just like Adventureland, The Way Back takes place in the stylistically misguided decade of the 80s, except instead of a theme park being the central location, the family is staying at…a water park? … What kind of family spends a summer at a water park? Duncan’s family. That’s who.

Awaiting them once they get there is Betty, a sort of unofficial mayor of this water town. Betty’s had a rough year. Her husband recently came out of a closet, her daughter got raped at a food court, and her teenage son has two lazy eyes and plays with Star Wars action figures still in their boxes so they can retain their value. She immediately lays out the word on all the political going-ons of the park, details she seems to be the only one who cares about.

It’s clear from the get-go that Duncan doesn’t want to be here but then again, there aren’t many places Duncan does want to be. Actually, cheery 24 hour party of water is wreaking havoc on Duncan’s masterful ability to be invisible. But that pales in comparison to his ongoing feud with his jackass of a stepfather, Trent, who puts most of his energy into tearing Duncan down and making him feel like shit. You sense that somewhere, deep down inside, he wishes he would stand up for himself. But Duncan simply doesn’t have the confidence. Yet.

Just when things couldn’t get any more depressing, Duncan meets Owen, a park worker with more charm in his pinky than ten Obamas put together. The instantly likable 20-something becomes a sort of half-friend half-parent to Duncan, and jacks him up with enough confidence to change his passive approach to the world. With Owen’s encouragement, Duncan begins making friends, talking to girls, and yes, even breakdancing. The question is, will Duncan find what he needs most? The courage to stand up to his step-father.

What works for The Way Back is that everything plays out just a little bit differently than you think it will. Yes there’s a love interest, but no one loses their virginity at the end of the summer. Yes this is Duncan’s story, but there’s a surprising amount of time given to the adults’ problems as well. Yes we get the usual suspects here at the park, but each of them has a few quirks or twists that make them unlike any character you’ve seen before. I can’t stress how important that last component is to writing a good screenplay and how often I see it ignored. Readers see the same characters over and over and over again because writers don’t want to take the time to push themselves and create something original. Just like the great Dazed and Confused, The Way Back is a familiar story with unique characters told slightly differently.

So am I angry that Adventureland beat this one to the finish line? Hell yeah. The Way Back runs circles around that script in almost every department. But when you’re a writer-director with a hit movie, you don’t have to wait around for someone to get your movie made. You get your movie made.

Despite how much I enjoyed The Way Back, it still didn’t land an impressive rating and I couldn’t figure out why at first. There was something missing here. After awhile, I think I determined the problem. And it’s an issue you’re always going to run into when you write a slice-of-life/coming-of-age film. There’s no engine here. Our character isn’t trying to achieve anything other than make it through the summer. The reason it’s so dangerous to tell a story this way is because without a hero that really wants something, it’s hard to keep your story on track. Without having to worry about a specific goal, you can pretty much yank your character around wherever you want. The problem is you yank us along with you, and a lot of times we’re sitting there going, “What’s going on right now?” That can be frustrating. So what I always say is, if you’re going to take a chance using this looser kind of structure, make sure you can do something else really well. Whether it’s creating great characters, or writing excellent dialogue. Make sure you have another skill that can make up for the loss of a strong plot. Rash and Faxon happen to be excellent in both the character and dialogue department, which is why we don’t notice the story wander as much as we would if they didn’t possess those skills.

Anyway, this was an enjoyable little script. And although it probably won’t be made because of Adventureland, it’s still a great script to study for character and dialogue.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The way Owen is crafted is a great lesson on how to build a likable character. First of all, he’s hilarious. His sharp sense of humor makes him immediately endearing. Second, he’s cool. Everybody wants to be the guy/girl who doesn’t care what anybody else thinks about him. So there’s some wish-fullfilment there – the same reason we like superheroes. But his most important attribute is that he genuinely cares about and wants to help our main character. I always tell everyone that the reason Vince Vaughn in Swingers, who is arguably one of the biggest assholes to women in a comedy ever put on film, is so beloved, is that he’ll do anything for Mikey. Just having a character care about our main character, is like handing them likability lotion.

So a reader wrote in with an interesting suggestion, and an idea I’ve actually toyed with myself: A list of the top UNREPPED screenplays. What I told him, which is the big problem I run into whenever I entertain the idea, is that while the pool of scripts competing for the Black List is relatively small – around 400 – the pool for the Green List would be enormous, in the tens of thousands. And since 99% of those scripts aren’t any good, it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.

What we would need is some kind of system whereby people could send in unrepresented scripts they thought were good, yet somehow weed out the people who are just promoting their own material. Now I realize that TriggerStreet already kinda does something like this with its rating system, and in that sense, should I even bother?

I’m coming to you guys to start a preliminary discussion on how to find these scripts to see if it’s possible. One thing I know I won’t be doing is adding complex rating submission systems like TriggerStreet because I simply don’t have the resources to do so. The more complicated it is, the less likely I am to do it. This will probably have to be fueled by the readers, as I don’t have time to weed through any more screenplays than I already do.

This is by no means a sure thing. It’s something I’m throwing out there to get your feedback on. If someone comes up with a solid reader-fueled easy to manage system for finding these screenplays though, I’m all ears.

Sorry, no link. :(

Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: When a man’s wife is accused of murder, he takes drastic measures to get her out of prison.
About: This is Paul Haggis’ next project which will star Russel Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, and Liam Neeson. It is an adaptation of the French film, “Pour Elle.”
Writer: Paul Haggis (adapted from the movie Pour Elle, written by Fred Cavaye & Guillaume Lemans).
Details: 126 pages (2nd Draft, June 2009)

Paul Haggis

Unapologetic supporter of Crash here. I’ve heard so many bashers of that movie claiming ridiculous nonsense like, “It tells us nothing new about racism!” I didn’t see the film as a commentary on racism as much as a bunch of characters who found themselves in fucked up situations. There are still a few scenes from that movie I feel are the most well-crafted scenes of the last decade. It’s Haggis’ follow-up film, “In The Valley Of Elah,” that I had issues with. That laborious piece of filmmaking about a father trying to solve the murder of his soldier son, had about as much drive as a public course golf cart. Talk about a movie that took its sweet time. Jeez! That cooled me on the former Scientologist but apparently not that much because I was eager to get my hands on The Next Three Days.

And which Haggis do we get here? Well, The Next Three Days’ heart is in the right place. I’m just not sure it’s big enough. Basically, the script asks the question: how would you really break someone out of jail? Not the movie version of how you’d do it. But if someone you loved was behind bars, how would you really go about trying to free them? And not just that. How would you get away with it? Could you manage all the meticulous painstaking details and planning required to stay invisible for the rest of your lives? That’s what The Next Three Days is about.

Crowe will play John.

John and Laura are a young happy couple. They have nice jobs, a nice house, and a beautiful son. On the outside, there isn’t anything wrong with these two. But that all changes when (inside the first ten pages) detectives burst into their house and arrest Laura for the murder of her boss. The previous night, someone beat the woman with a fire extinguisher in the parking lot. And unlucky for Laura, it happened minutes after she had a heated fight with the woman. Not to mention she’d been seen by the janitor holding the murder weapon. Whether she actually did it or not is something we don’t find out until the very last page (and something I won’t reveal here).

John then finds himself caught up in the nightmare that is the U.S. legal system, bouncing back and forth between appeals, court dates, and his own desperate investigation. But in the end, the evidence is too overwhelming. Even John’s snarky lawyer tells him to look at it as if he’s not the husband. Translation: Maybe she did murder this woman.

When that vine has been plucked clean, John starts to formulate another plan. What if he could break Laura out? What if they could run away to another country, never to be seen again? He somehow stumbles across an ex-con who’s escaped jail seven times. They meet and John listens as the man lays out the tricks of the trade: looking for breaks in prison routine, exploiting weaknesses when they least expect it, realizing not just how to get out, but where to run to. And the most important thing of all – being psychologically ready for the way this will change your life. Could you live the rest of your life knowing that at any moment, someone could bust through the door and take you away? Uhh, I get angry if a friend bothers me in the middle of a Modern Warfare game. So that would be a big no for me.

Banks play Laura.

This is where The Next Three Days spends most of its time and, as a result, suffers considerably in the momentum department. We get a lot of scenes of John visiting Laura in jail, casing the joint, meeting up with sketchy underground personalities to secure fake identification. Personally, I would’ve liked a big fat subplot here, because this portion of the script gets repetitive. There’s a cute single mom John keeps running into who I thought would be perfect to shake things up. Had they developed a friendship bordering on more between them, it could’ve been a nice deterrent, representing everything he’d be giving up by going through with this crazy plan.

Luckily the pacing is much faster here than In The Valley Of Elah, and this 126 page draft will no doubt be shortened to between 115 and 120 pages when they shoot it, which will at least partly take care of that middle act. In the end, I liked The Next Three Days because it comes at an old story from a new angle – realism. That as well as the lingering million dollar question – did she or didn’t she kill her boss – ensures you’ll be reading all the way to the final page.

The Next Three Days is worth the read and will likely be worth seeing as well.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Subplots! Make sure you have a few in the second act – If you’re writing a story with a slow burn, make sure to populate your script with a few subplots, because if the only thing we’re watching is your character trying to pursue his/her goal, that’s going to get old in a 60 page second act. Maybe you introduce a new relationship or friendship that shakes things up for your hero. Maybe one of your supporting characters is going through his own shit and that somehow affects your hero. But don’t use vast amounts of real estate to only explore your main character’s objective. Chances are, we’re going to need something extra to keep us interested.

Genre: Drama
Premise: A reclusive gardener’s life is turned upside-down when he’s given a unique plant thought to be extinct.
About: I originally thought this was the project Chris Weitz was doing next, but it turns out this is an older script that got some heat back in the day but never made it over the hump. Well, that needs to change, cause it’s a damn good script.
Writer: Jay Sherman
Details: 109 pages – Older draft (2005)

Contrary to popular belief, The Gardener is not a prequel to Garden State. So you won’t find Zach Braff staring melancholy-like into the camera while a hip indie band plays wistfully in the background. Instead, The Gardener is one of those movies with such a bland title, you figure it has to be amazing to have overcome such a handicap.

Turns out, that’s exactly the case. The Gardener is one of the best written most surprising screenplays I’ve read in awhile. Of course, it starts out with a story almost as mundane as its title. Lem Gardner, 30s (yes, his last name is Gardner), is an unassuming man out of touch with the world, who finds his only joy in gardening. Plants he understands. Humans? Not so much. Orphaned at 12 when his mother, also a gardener, died, Lem’s become the head gardener at the Botanical Gardens, meticulously taking care of plants the way most people would take care of their family.

Lem is forced to work with numerous slackers on the grounds, most of whom could care less about the difference between a fern and a carnation. One of the more eccentric characters is Gabriel, a wild-eyed hippy who’s made the Botanical Gardens parking lot his personal living quarters for the last three months. Lem has spent most of that time trying to convince him to leave, but see that’s Lem’s problem. He’s too passive. He’s unable to take charge. Even people as meek as Gabriel walk all over him. But when Gabriel finally decides that it’s time to move on, he leaves Lem with a parting gift: a weedish mess of a plant so obscure it’s assumed to have gone extinct. Lem, falling over himself at his fortune, begs Gabriel to tell him where he found it. But Gabriel is cryptic, telling him only to keep the plant in a dark place, and to never interfere with its growth.

The housing of the plant begins a chain reaction that turns Lem’s uneventful life upside-down, starting with an attractive couple who moves in next door. The kind and lovely Beatrice’s garden is is an absolute mess and when she finds out that Lem is a gardener, well naturally she enlists his green thumb to bring it back to life. Her sketchy overbearing boyfriend Wayne is skeptical of the plan but is about as threatened by Lem as one would be of Pee-Wee Herman, so he allows it.

So far, so average, right?

Well it turns out that The Gardener’s been buttering you up for the big twist – a what-the-fuck moment that will have you going back to read the page over again. During his evening routine, Lem hears a bump in the basement. He hurries down, looks around, and hears a “Hello?” He centers himself, attempting to locate the voice’s source, only to find that it’s coming from… the tank containing the plant! He walks over and notices a tiny naked man in the tank. This man, Terrarium Man, is freaking out, wondering what the hell he is and why the hell he’s in a tank. Lem is, of course, equally freaked out, but after the initial shock, the two realize that this tiny man has been birthed from the plant. Yeah, I know. What the fuck??

Despite the fact that there’s a tiny man now living in his basement, Lem does his best to go about his daily life, a life that’s spinning out of control due to a stray cat hell bent on destroying the prize statue in his backyard, the emotional fallout of Beatrice realizing that her boyfriend doesn’t love her, the spoiled son of the Botanical Gardens’ owner waiting for his father to die so he can turn Lem’s garden into a golf course, and the subsequent birth of both a Terrarium Woman (who for some reason can’t see Lem), and a Terrarium Boy.

To say that The Gardener is all kinds of bizarre is an understatement. But it’s bizarre in all the right ways, which is what matters. This is that rare combination of indie sensibility mixed with semi-high-concept goodness that you just don’t see in many scripts. It has that “I have no idea what the fuck’s going to happen on the next page” factor I so often complain about never seeing anymore. Not to mention the writer, Jay Sherman knows how to write. He juggles multiple plotlines here and each one escalates at the perfect pace, so we never come back to a storyline we’re not interested in seeing more of.

If there’s a complaint, I guess I would’ve liked to have seen more crossover between the Terrarium universe and the real universe. As they stand, they’re completely separate, making the only way they affect one another through Lem. This works, but I can’t help but think there were some more potentially interesting plotlines missed by isolating the two. I mean, even if it was as simple as Beatrice discovering the plant – that could’ve led to a hell of a conversation.

The Gardener won’t be for everyone, but if you liked The Ornate Anatomy Of Living Things or Dogs of Babel, or just have a jones for something offbeat, you’ll want to check this out.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Are you one of kabillions who like to write character-driven scripts with little in the way of plot? The “high-concept” indie flick is a great way to write something that gets you respect in the industry, with the added benefit of potentially getting made. I see so many “indie” character-driven scripts that bring nothing to the table outside of depressed characters trying to make it to the last page. If you want to write about characters like that and, oh I don’t know, have people actually care, consider adding an extra element to your premise that elevates it into something more than your average independent film. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, 500 Days Of Summer, The Ornate Anatomy Of Living Things. All of these films/scripts are able to explore their characters on a deeper level, but do so inside a concept that makes them more accessible to a mainstream audience. Some people think of these twists/quirks as gimmicks. But it’s a small price to pay if it sends your script to the top of the pile.