Genre: Drama
Premise: A banker who gets swindled in a Nigerian internet scam travels to Nigeria to get his money back.
About: From Variety – “Ben Stiller will direct/produce with Red Hour partner Stuart Kornfeld and Jeremy Kramer. While the project is meant to be entertaining, it sheds light on current issues in Nigeria and other African countries, fitting the Participant Media mandate to make films that compel social change.” This is way more drama than comedy and quite an interesting choice for Stiller. Then again, his directing tastes tend to be different than his acting tastes (Tropic Thunder excluded). It also received 6 votes on the 2008 Black List (people can dog that list all they want but it seems like everything on it is made into a movie).
Writer: Mark Friedman

The hardest thing to understand about Help Me Spread Goodness is why an intelligent middle-aged middle-class man with a good education and a job in *banking* would be so stupid as to fall for one of the most obvious scams in the history of the internet. Before they even extend one leg of tripod to shoot this picture, they’re going to have to fix that problem.

We’re introduced to PATRICK, the aforementioned banker, who’s itching for a promotion so he can send his son to astronaut camp. When the promotion doesn’t happen, Patrick finds himself confiding in a man who’s sent him one of those infamous “I am dying and need to give you my 130 million dollar estate” Nigerian e-mails. This part of the script is quite funny, as we get cutaways to the Nigerian’s alleged story along with voice over. He’s lying in bed. Dying. Signing his last will and testament. Then we have Patrick casually writing back, “I didn’t get the promotion. Can you believe that??”

But when it becomes clear that Patrick actually believes the story and is going to send money, the script takes a huge step backwards. This scam is an ongoing joke in almost every circle of America. You’re saying Patrick is the one guy who’s never heard of it? Okay, well, whatever. Let’s go with it for now.

Surprise surprise, when Patrick checks his bank account a couple of weeks later, there’s a large sum of money missing and it seems that – gasp – his Nigerian buddies aren’t e-mailing him back. Not only can Patrick not send his son to astronaut camp, but he just lost 25 grand of his college fund. I don’t know if Patrick was more pissed that the Nigerians ripped him off or that he was a complete moron, but he takes it upon himself to right this wrong and travels to Nigeria to get that money back.

So Patrick jets to Lagos, Nigeria, a city with over 8 million people, and starts snooping around as if it’s the Old West and you can pop into the local watering hole and ask, “Hey, you know of any suspicious people in these parts?” Just an observation here, but if you’re a banker and can’t even make sound money decisions, what makes you think you can be a detective in a strange country where you don’t even speak the language?

But here’s the thing. If you can get over all that (and it’s not easy), you just might find yourself enjoying a sweet story about a man who learns a little bit more about the world.

What Patrick begins to see is that the Nigerian men involved in these scams – however wrong they may be – are doing it to survive. This isn’t the First World where as long as you have an education and work hard, you can get a job. There aren’t any jobs there, there’s no education, and scamming whoever you can to make it through the day is better than the alternative: to starve. So when Patrick says “You stole from me,” they basically say, “Yeah, but you were dumb enough to fall for it” (and because Patrick is so stupid, I kinda agree with them).

But getting back to the story, Patrick actually does run into one of the scammers, OTUMBO, who promises to take him to the man who orchestrated the scheme. This leads to a series of mis-adventures that leave Patrick worse off than if he’d never come to Nigeria in the first place. For some reason though, Patrick continues to trust him.

After Patrick is conned for the third time and has finally discovered that small part of his brain that still functions, he calls it quits on Otumbo, telling him to get out of his life. Except that the very next day, when he comes out of his hotel, Otumbo is there, waiting for him on another journey that he promises will lead Patrick to the man who stole his money. But Patrick’s not having it. “Wait here, I’ll be back in a minute,” he tells Otumbo, with no intention of ever returning. So Otumbo sits down and waits.

And waits…

And waits…

When Patrick gets back to the hotel, out of eyesight, he sees that Otumbo is *still* there. He sneaks up to his room and comes back down a couple hours later. He’s shocked to see that Otombo is *still* waiting for him. He leaves a third time, comes back hours after that. It’s been seven hours in total. Mark Friedman writes:
[scrippet]
Later

Half-eaten room service lunch on the desk. Patrick goes to the window, knowing what he’ll find…

Then he frowns. Otumbo is gone. He’s puzzled– And then he spots him. He’s WALKING IN TRAFFIC in front of the hotel, selling… TOILET PLUNGERS.

PATRICK
He’s selling toilet plungers.

And Patrick stands there, and he watches. Traffic is heavy now but it still speeds up occasionally and is dangerous, Otumbo weaves between cars, face shiny with sweat.

Patrick is transfixed. Something about this moves him. This young guy who found some plungers and is trying to sell them, doing whatever he can… and still taking an occasional glance back at the hotel, waiting for Patrick to emerge.
[/scrippet]
It’s this kind of heartbreaking moment where you realize that Patrick isn’t just a scam for Otumbo. He’s survival. He’s a way to last a few more days out in the jungle. It was a touching moment that really drove home, I believe, the reason why Friedman wrote this.

So while this script is not without faults, it does have enough high points for me to recommend. Read it yourself and tell me what you think.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I think I’ve said this before but sometimes we’re so blinded by wanting to tell our story, that we forget to ask if our characters are acting rationally. I guarantee you there’s no way this will be filmed before this problem is fixed because nobody will believe that Patrick is that dumb. There’s another script out there called “Big Hole” that’s similar to this except in that script, the protagonist is much older – is not nearly as computer savvy – so the fact that he would get swindled by an internet scam is a lot more believable. Just make sure your characters are making believable choices.

Take a look over to the right there. There’s a whole crop of new specs I’m looking for. I know some of you have’em, so fire up that e-mail and send’em my way.

Some of you have been nice enough to occasionally write me with suggestions. Keep them coming. Even though I can only review one script a day, I try to get to anything that’s highly recommended.

For no good reason, here is the “Downloading Box Office” on my last 10 reviews…

1) Unbound Captives
2) Passengers
3) Kristy
4) Aaron and Sara
5) You Again
6) Orbit
7) A Couple Of Dicks
8) Dubai
9) Parasite
10) Paper Wings

I’m quite surprised that a period film got the most downloads. I’m curious as to why this script was downloaded more than the others. Was it the 5 million dollar price tag that intrigued you? Or was it the subject matter?

Genre: Dark thriller/drama
Premise: Microscopic proteins/aliens ride human beings as passengers for their own personal enjoyment.
About: Based off a 1969 Robert Silverberg short story that won a Nebula Award, this project was being circled pretty heavily by Fincher around the turn of the century. Since then, it’s been pretty much forgotten. I believe it’s currently being developed by Focus Features.
Writer: G.J. Pruss

This is not going to be a traditional review because this was not a traditional script. In fact, I’d probably call this the most original script I’ve ever read. Some of you may have heard of it before. It’s based on a short story and made some headlines when Fincher was attached back in 2000. But when you’re David Fincher and have the pick of the litter of every weird odd dark script on the market, you toy with a lot of projects. And it looks like this one got toyed with. Then thrown out. Well I’m here to throw it back in.

The first thing you notice about Passengers is that it’s written in the first person. Yes, the script is written in the first person. “I walk over to the store.” “I have sex with the beautiful woman.” It’s so weird and jarring at first that you can’t help but be pulled in. You feel like you’re right there with this guy – Charles – and all of a sudden you’re wondering why every movie isn’t written this way. It seems so real. So immediate. How the hell they plan to transfer this onto the screen I have no idea. I thought maybe they tell it from a first-person perspective, like a video game, but that would be too bizarre and too hard to pull off. Then again, why not? It would create the same jarring shock I had when I picked this up.

So Charles spends most of his life in a blur. He’s an alcoholic. Blacks out all the time. Finds himself in his bed, not remembering anything about the previous night’s events. He stumbles into his high-paying job. His bosses are concerned. They know he’s an alcoholic. They know it’s starting to affect his work. He promises them it isn’t. — I’m thinking “Okay, a guy with a really bad alcohol problem. We haven’t had a good one of those in years.”

But that isn’t Passengers. No, this movie is way more fucked than that. Charles goes home, finds an old strawberry rotting on the floor, covered by ants. Picks it up. About to throw it away….then realizes. It’s not a strawberry. It’s a woman’s finger. He freaks out. What’s going on? Figures it was something that happened in one of his drunken nights but for the life of him can’t figure out what or why. He puts it on ice and throws it in the freezer.

He heads to the doctor. Doesn’t like doctors. Asks him what’s wrong with him. The doctor acts strange. Starts asking him weird questions. Has this been going on a long time? How long does he black out for? What does he remember? This appears to be much worse than an alcohol problem. Something else is causing the blackouts.

Charles must go to the underground for answers. People don’t sell medicine for this kind of thing on the streets yet because that would imply there was a problem. Whatever’s happening, it’s being covered up. What is happening? The unthinkable. People are being “ridden” – their bodies used as amusement park rides by…who? Aliens? Ghosts? Collective bacteria so small we can’t yet recognize it? Whatever it is, it’s intelligent, and it takes control of us. We don’t remember anything when it happens. Sometimes we end up in strange people’s houses with no memory of how we got here. Other times it kills us. To the rest of the world it’s passed off as disease or being drunk or being high or depression. But really it’s this entity, taking over our bodies for its own pleasure.

I don’t think there’s any question that the “Passengers” are meant to be our own individual demons. Whether they be alcohol or drugs or anything that gets you high. The passengers tend to take you over at night, when you’re most susceptible, the rides last 1-3 days (suspiciously the same amount of time as your average alcohol/drug binge). A lot of the people being “ridden” have bloody noses (cocaine). But even if you want to ignore that and take Passengers literally, it still works because trying to figure out who or what the passengers are is fun.

There’s so much to enjoy here. And no, the script isn’t perfect. The end drags on a little too long but it’s such a trippy “ride” you don’t care. This is a great fucking script. It had me racing through every page to the point where I felt ridden. I don’t know who the hell is waiting to make this, but they need to make it now. It breaks into my Top 25 at #14.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Pruss took a big chance by writing this in the first person. But it wasn’t just to be different and hip. He had a purpose. We felt like we were Charles, which made all of our experiences more personal. It completely worked. My point being, if you’re going to break rules, especially big ones, make sure there’s a valid purpose behind it.

Man, I read something really amazing today. It’s an older script and if you’re new to the game – say the past 5 years or so, you’ve probably never heard of it. It’s dark. A thriller of sorts. With maybe just a touch of sci-fi. If it were up to me, I’d make the damn thing tomorrow. It’s just really different and unique and unlike anything I’ve read before. Hopefully some Scriptshadow love will push it through the pipeline. Tune in Monday!

edit: You guys are going to kill me. I realized that I already posted my Friday script review with You Again. Which means – gasp – you’ll have to wait until Monday for this! Oh man, I better prepare for some hate mail.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A girl finds out that her brother is marrying the bee-atch who made her life a living hell in high school.
About: “You Again” sold to Disney last month, will star Kristin Bell and be directed by Andy Fickman (Race To Witch Mountain).
Writers: Moe Jelline, revisions by Dave Johnson, further revisions by Moe Jelline

It’s been awhile since I’ve read a script that started off so promising then fell apart so quickly. This could’ve been a younger hipper version of Meet The Parents, but instead becomes a formless farce of prat falls and spit takes.

Marni is a former high school dweeb who spent her entire teenage existence getting tortured by super-popular Nazi-bitch-from-hell, JJ. But once she enters the real world, Marni’s determination helps her land a public relations job at one of the top PR firms in New York, and after eight years, high school is nothing but a memory. So when Marni goes home for her brother’s unexpected wedding, imagine her surprise when she finds out he’s marrying super-popular Nazi-Bitch-From-Hell JJ (now Joanna). Marni, who’s not only terrified of being pushed back into the “nerd” role, must also decide whether to tell her brother the truth about who Joanna was (and probably still is).

I enjoyed this early scene, where Marni and Joanna meet for the first time since high school.
[scrippet]
INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Gail stands at the kitchen island watching JOANNA GOLDMAN (25), aka JJ Freeman, dicing a tomato with the knife.

She’s a vision of perfection. A refined woman oozing with self confidence.

JOANNA
Then you simply finish it like this.

She’s carved the tomato into a DECORATIVE FLOWER DESIGN.

GAIL
How beautiful, Joanna.

JOANNA
It’s nothing compared to this beautiful spread. I can’t believe you made all this food. You’re amazing.

REVEAL ten impressive platters of food on the counter.

GAIL
Well, I didn’t know what kind of food your aunt liked, so I just made a little of everything. It was nothing.

Just then, Wade enters with Marni in tow…

WADE
Look who I found…

Joanna and Marni make eye contact. After a long beat…

JOANNA
(emotional)
Marni.
(then)
Marni. Marni. Marni.

Are those tears in Joanna’s eyes?

JOANNA (CONT’D)
Oh, Marni. I’ve waited so long for this moment and finally it’s here.

MARNI
You waited so long?

JOANNA
There’s just so much to say.

MARNI
I know. Believe me, I know.

JOANNA
But first, let me say…

Could this be it? The big apology?

JOANNA (CONT’D)
…how…

Wait for it… Wait for it…

JOANNA (CONT’D)
…nice it is to finally meet you.

Marni’s JAW DROPS. Say what?

MARNI
Excuse me?

JOANNA
Wade’s told me so much about you, but now here you are. In the flesh.

MARNI
But–

JOANNA
I can’t wait to spend the next four days learning all about my new sister.

Joanna EMBRACES Marni, who is too stunned to hug back.
[/scrippet]
Not a bad little twist if I do say so myself. Instead of the fireworks happening right away, we get a little mystery. Does Joanna really not remember Marni? Or is she lying to protect her wedding? Of course we think she’s lying. Of course Marni thinks she’s lying. But there’s just enough doubt to keep us wondering, and the mystery inspires a bunch of wonderful subtext-heavy scenes between the two . Up til this point in the script, I was prepared to declare this the de facto standard for how to execute a high concept idea.

And then You Again goes off and becomes The Three Stooges. I honestly can’t remember a script changing on a dime this fast. We go from an intriguing thoughtful comedy to an 8 minute slapstick dance scene that has nothing to do with the story and everything to do with someone who’s watched too many episodes of Dancing With The Stars. We then move to Marni getting drenched in a sprinkler scene as she halfway tries to protect Joanna’s dress, to Marni’s mom accidentally dropping Joanna’s Aunt’s expensive ring down the sink. Yes, we actually get a ring down the kitchen sink scene. It’s a radical change in tone that pretty much lasts the rest of the script.

But the biggest mistake You Again makes is creating an entire sub-plot that involves Marni’s mom dueling with Joanna’s aunt (the two also went to high school together) that’s not nearly as funny or interesting as the main plot, and can be argued takes up just as much screen time. Marni and JJ are the draw here. Every second we’re away from them feels like stalling.

If you’re interested in this premise, you should check out Brad Cutter Ruined My Life Again in my Top 25 list. It’s about a former high-school nerd turned company star who finds out that the most popular guy from high school has just been hired into the company. I don’t think I’ve ever read a script that delivers more on the promise of the premise than that one. It’s a great read.

To sum up, I feel like two voices are fighting for direction of the script here and as a result, it feels off. You gotta go all one way or all the other. I’d go with the thoughtful comedy. Leave the wacky hijinx for Scary Movie 8.

[ ] trash
[x] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I think we as writers get a little too wrapped up in what we think the studios want us to do. In a light-hearted movie like this, we assume that the story *has* to end with a wedding. And we write everything around that. But in doing so, we restrict ourselves from exploring much more interesting choices. In You Again, there was never any doubt that Wade and Joanna would end up together. For that reason, they always had to write Joanna really safe because if she was *too much of a bitch* we wouldn’t buy Marni sticking up for in the end. But had you opened yourself up to an ending where Wade and Joanna didn’t end up together, you could’ve made Joanna the secret bitch from hell, playing the devil to Marni and the angel to Wade. I think that direction held a lot more comedic potential. Whether you agree with me or not, it’s always good to leave yourself open to every story idea, even if it goes against the ending or character or scene or line that you originally conceived. Never set anything in stone. It could open up a whole new avenue of ideas for you.