Genre: Comedy
Premise: When the greatest zookeeper in the world considers quitting because women don’t dig his job, the animals of the zoo band together to find him a mate.
About: Yes, here it is folks: The 2 million (against 3 million) dollar script.
Writers: Jay Scherick & David Ronn

Welcome to our final script in our Top 6 Sellers Of 2008 week (and a day). This is the big cheese, the top seller, the raison d’etre. Enjoy…. :)

So Leonardo DiCaprio is playing a part in one of the top selling scripts of 2008. Jim Carrey is playing a part in one of the top selling scripts of 2008. Will Smith is probably playing a part in one of the top selling scripts of 2008. So which star will be playing a part in THE top-selling script of 2008? Did somebody guess…a zebra? Then you’d be right! Because the top-selling script of 2008 stars talking animals!!! Woooo-hooooo!!! I mean come on, who doesn’t love talking animals?

I’m not going to lie. I found Zookeeper to be quite enjoyable. Sure it doesn’t have spaceships or guns and it’s pretty much a carbon copy of Night At The Museum (with a little Toy Story thrown in), but it’s still a blast. ANDREW the zookeper can’t find any honeys in his line of work. He’s a lonely man whose only happiness comes from taking care of his beloved animals. But Andrew doesn’t want to be alone forever, and since the job keeps the women away, he decides to make a change in his life. Yes, he decides to quit the job he loves. When the animals hear this (animals which up to this point we thought were normal animals) they wait for everyone to leave the zoo and then someone screams, “Meeeeeting!” Minutes later they’re all convening in the courtyard. Yes, the animals can talk. And they need to find a way to keep Andrew here.

Since the beginning of time there’s been a code. And that code states that animals can’t talk to humans. When the beautiful new panda caretaker, KATE, moves in, the animals see a chance to get the two together and keep Andrew around. The problem is that Andrew has absolutely no game. Actually, he’s got negative game. Andrew’s not even sure where the game’s being played. So the animals have to do the unthinkable. They have to BREAK THE CODE and teach him “the game”. What follows is a hilarious scene where Andrew sits in front of every animal in the zoo as they explain to him how to get Kate. The writers do such a good job setting up Andrew and this world, it truly feels like someone who’s loved animals his whole life just realized they can talk. It’s like…what the fuck is going on right now???

Scherick and Ronn really know how to write a screenplay. Even if you’re not a fan of Zookeeper (and essentially what we’re talking about here is a family film – so it’s understandable if you’re not) you gotta give these guys props for how they write. They keep everything simple and to the point. There’s a lot of white space. No unnecessary action description or scenes. It’s the prototypical spec script.

They’re also masters of structure. Keeping all the characters motivated, keeping the storyline fresh, interesting, and moving, introducing twists and turns at just the right spots. And through it all, making it all seem believable – not an easy feat for a movie with talking animals.

This isn’t a movie I would rush out to see on opening day but if they nail Andrew’s casting, I’d rent it on DVD. Zookeeper is a solid screenplay. And its mix of ingredients will almost surely result in a huge box office meal. For that reason, the large price tag is justified.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned from Zookeeper: This may seem obvious because we’ve all seen it before, but I was surprised by how effective it was in this particular story. The president of the zoo, the handsome but despicable TRENT, is also courting Kate. In a number of situations, Andrew comes to the rescue, saving the day, but because Kate was looking in the other direction or not around, it’s assumed that Trent – not Andrew – was the hero. I found myself actually screaming at the screen, “No! It wasn’t him, it was Andrew!” What more can you ask for as a writer? Have your villain steal the credit from your hero whenever possible. It’s a great way to make us love our hero more and hate our villain more, all at the same time.

The Outsider is here. A mysterious script reader who’s harder to find than the island on Lost. People believe I’m tough on scripts. Well, they’ve never met The Outsider. This is how he/she describes him/herself: THE OUTSIDER devours scripts like a newborn sucks on a tit, which is to say, virtually non-stop. She/he/it is a screenwriter’s worst nightmare, because he/it/she has no axe to grind and nobody to impress. If you don’t like the opinions expressed by The Outsider, well, it really doesn’t give a shit. There’s something to be said for honesty, so don’t kill the messenger, kill the script!

The good news is, if you can impress The Outsider, you can pretty much guarantee your script is awesome. Without further ado, let’s get to his/her take on Odysseus, the script I reviewed on Saturday and liked quite a bit…

Oh Odysseus, Wherefore Art Thou?

Ah, there’s nothing like an epic that gets my blood boiling. Big battles on land and sea. Big stories. Big CGI effects. Big love story.

Big. Big. Big.

The only b you’ll find in this screenplay is BAD. Carson, what the fuck is wrong with you? This script is a poor man’s pastiche of Braveheart, Gladiator and The Patriot. No wonder Homer came back from the dead and demanded to have his name deleted from this pile of camel dung.

Okay, it’s not that bad. It’s putrid. It’s 300 Lite and at 89 pages, it’s a “contained epic” which can be shot on the cheap.

The main problem is that the story begins in the wrong place. We don’t get to Odysseus/Ulysses until page 13, and even then the “epic” action one expects doesn’t get going until well past page 40. Did I tell you it’s 89 pages?

The main plot is that Odysseus returns to his island and his kingdom after 20 years and is about as welcome as a case of the clap. His Queen is in chains, his son is under the thumb of the evil Antoninus (think Commodus from Gladiator except with charred face), and his people live in misery. Everyone blames Odysseus for going on this stupid journey, but when he was on the throne, everyone was happy. Instead of rebelling against Antoninus, the good folk of Ithaca would rather just stand around and bitch and moan about their crummy King.

There is nothing epic about this epic. Battles are described in shorthand: it was a “terrific” fight. Odysseus is a one man killing machine and is always bathed in blood, his enemies hacked to “pieces” like he’s a butcher down at Winn-Dixie. Even one of the most pivotal event in the script, the “massacre of the innocents”, is quickly dispatched. And I don’t know which version you read, Carson, but in the one I read, Odysseus doesn’t do a damn thing to stop the slaughter. In fact, when his townspeople beg for his help, he runs away.

The dialog is like a bag of Cheese Doodles. When Odysseus (I say Russell Crowe) stares at Telemachus and proudly says “what a son” I almost lost my Chicken Stir Fry. And how the hell could anyone know about Russell milking the dragon with Calypso if his fate was unknown?

Yeah, it’s a great Hollywood read. It hits all the plot points and beats, but it’s devoid of any soul. It’s Homer’s Iliad for Dummies.

There is an epic story to be told. Sea monsters. Sirens. Mortals at the whimsy of the mercurial Gods. True love. Huge battles. I mean, HUGE BATTLES.

Carson, when you get that script, ship it over.

Hello everyone. Lots to talk about for this upcoming week so what I’m going to do is get a little anal and make a list!

1) LOGLINE CONTEST – An idea I wanna throw out there is a monthly (or bi-monthly?) logline contest. Where you guys would send in your loglines and I would pick the top 5 and publish them at the end of the month. I know there are some industry people who read the site so who knows, maybe someone will spot your logline and request a read. I’m looking for ideas to help writers in general so let me know by e-mail or in the comments section if that’s something you’d be interested in. If not, give me other ideas!

2) INTERVIEW – This Wednesday will be Scriptshadow’s first interview. Not only will it be an interview, but it will be an interview with one of the writers from my Top 10 list. Should be exciting so tune in for that.

2.5) MEDIAFIRE SUCKS – Mediafire seems to be run by the same people who run Norton Utilities because it rarely ever works. I’m going to give them one more week (since all my files are already on there) and then I’ll look for another file-linking solution. In the meantime, keep trying. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 attempts to work.

3) I LOVE YOU – You guys have been so generous. In the past couple of weeks you’ve sent me over 75 scripts, many of them scripts that I asked for. You can probably do the math. Only 5 reviews a week. With those scripts alone it will take me 15 weeks to review them all. So just because I don’t review them right away doesn’t mean I’m not thankful. I wish I could read them all tomorrow. But these things take time.

4) ODYSSEUS – Don’t forget to check out the very first Saturday Scriptshadow review if you missed it. It’s from the new spec that sold to WB on Friday called “Odysseus”. A nice surprise for you and a nice surprise for me. Scroll down to read it.

5) SCRIPTS I’M LOOKING FOR – As always, keep checking the “Scripts I Need” list over to the right. If you have a script on there, please send it. I have a lot but I want more. MORE I SAY!

6) YOU’VE DEMANDED MORE HORROR – Many people have written in and demanded that I review more horror. Horror isn’t really my thing so I’ve recurited some outsiders to help in that department. These guys know their horror and I’m hoping they’ll be able to contribute regularly. Expect their reviews some time within the next week or two.

7) MEDIEVAL – Don’t forget to read Medieval and comment on Scott and I’s dual review this Friday. Early feedback tells me this is going to get ugly. In fact, not one person has said anything good about it, lol.

8) BLOG TO CHECK OUT – Last but not least, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention a blog that I check out regularly. It’s called Nick’s Pix, and it’s just a great blog about movies in general. Tons of great reviews. He always finds cool little things to check out. I highly recommend it so go there now! Nick’s blog —— but then, like, make sure you come back at some point. :)

Genre: Historical Action/Adventure
Premise: A forgotten king fights to take back his kingdom.
About: These days it’s hard to find bidding wars in Hollywood. Studios are getting cheap. But Friday was an exception as Warner Brothers battled it out with Paramount for the spec script, “Odysseus”. I’m not sure how much it sold for but I assume it’s a lot. Now an interesting little tidbit. The script is being directed by Joseph Liebesman, who also happens to be directing another script I reviewed on Scriptshadow. A little script called “Battle: L.A.” I’m not going to go any further than to say Liebesman might want to get Peacock to rewrite that one.
Writer: Ann Peacock

Sometimes The Scriptshadow must wield his power over The Hollywood. He must show them that his fingers can reach deep into the center of the beast, and rip from its body any organ he so chooses. Today’s organ of choice? Odysseus, a script that was sold less than 16 hours ago! Reviewed for you here. On a Saturday. On a fucking Saturday! A day I was supposed to have off!!! Damn you Hollywood! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLLLLLLL!!!

I guess this is what happens when you receive a script on a day when you’ve already read three. So before I fall into a heap of exhausted slumber, let us get in our time machines, and head back to the ancient times. To Greece (or somewhere near there anyway).

Ithica is a beautiful island off in the middle of the sea. Its people have lived without their king, Odysseus, for 20 years, as he never returned from the Trojan War and is assumed dead. But the peaceful Ithicanians (?) are in for a rude surprise, as an army of bloodthirsty warriors, led by the Ancient Greek version of Darth Vadar, ANTONINUS, arrive on the island. The Ant Man is both a mystery and a terror. And his horse will piss on your face (no seriously, he will).

This army of ancient douchebags slaughter the locals like chickens in a chicken pen and overtake Odysseus’ castle without so much as raising a finger. There, Antoninus captures Odysseus’ wife Penelope, and his son, Telemachus, and begins his rule over the land.

After years go by, a starving weak bearded man washes ashore, a man who it doesn’t take long for us to realize is Odysseus. He’s finally come back to his kingdom. But what he finds there instead, is an island destroyed and decimated. If Odysseus wants his kingdom and his queen back, he’s going to have to fight for it.

The first thing that struck me when I opened this script was the page count. It comes in at a lean 90 pages. Yes! 90 pages! I can’t remember the last time I read a 90 page script. It seems like every script these days is 117 pages. But this wasn’t done to appease my lack of sleep. It was done to keep the story moving as fast as possible. This is the first script I’ve read in awhile where there were no unncessary scenes. Every inch of real estate here had a purpose and it’s an awesome decision. The script flies like a Greek eagle.

Every character here is compelling. Odysseus’ people hate him because he never came back from the war. Why didn’t he? Queen Penelope must live with the sadness that her husband never loved her enough to come back. Telemachus, Odysseus’ son, must serve Antoninus or his mother will be killed. And there are many great secondary characters sprinkled throughout the script.

I think the moment I really knew I was dealing with a professional was when Odysseus began planning how to take back the kingdom. Soonafter, Antoninus orders a child from every household to be murdered in 24 hours if Odysseus is not captured. This does a couple of things. It turns his own people against him. But more importantly, it forces Odysseus to speed up his plan drastically – in effect, giving him an impossible timeframe to acheive his task. This is what good writing is about. Creating an extreme sense of urgency where the stakes are incredibly high. So few writers do that these days. I was very impressed.

Another nice surprise was Antoninus, who could have easily been a stereotype villain but who we learn actually has a pretty compelling reason to be doing all this to Odyssesus.

I don’t know if you’re a Braveheart lover like me. But remember the scene where William Wallace comes back to the village after his wife is slaughtered? Well the final 40 pages are like an extended version of that.

As you know, I haven’t read anything that’s really excited me in awhile. Sloshing through these top-selling scripts of 2008 all week, I was beginning to think that nobody at the studios knew what the hell they were talking about. But Odysseus definitely deserved the bidding war it received. Great script and very impressed.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned from Odysseus: This script is the perfect example of no wasted space. Every scene is important to the story. There are no vanity scenes. Every scene has momentum and purpose.

note: Scroll down to see Friday’s review of “The Long Run”

Scott’s going to kill me for posting this so early but I was supposed to post it at 9am my time and I know that there’s no way in hell I’m going to be up at 9am. So it’s now or never. The Scott in question, Scott Myers over at Go Into The Story, and I are going to do a monthly feature (assuming you guys like it) where we pick out a recently sold spec script, GIVE IT TO YOU GUYS A WEEK AHEAD OF TIME SO YOU CAN READ IT, review it ourselves the following Friday in a dual review of fates, and then have a cross-intergalactic-blog discussion about the script in the comments section.

One of the reasons I started this site was to get people discussing scripts. Unfortunately by the time you download and read them, the original review is buried 4 or 5 posts back. And who has time for history right? That’s like so yesterday. This way, you don’t have an excuse. We’re giving you the script a week ahead of time. Although the focus of the conversation should be on why you believe the script sold, you can discuss any of your intricate thoughts about structure, story, characters, plot. I want people to actually learn something. Yeah, you heard that right: LEARN.

The first script in this feature is titled “Medieval.” Said to be a “The Dirty Dozen” in the age of castles, plagues and serfs, the script sold for 800,000 dollars back in February. So this is your first assignment my friends. Your first Scriptshadow homework. Don’t let me down.

Script link: Medieval

edit: Mediafire’s been acting weird so if you can’t download the link you’ll have to hang tight while I find an alternative. Which will happen whenever I wake up. :)