So here’s the thing. I didn’t love Aaron Sorkin’s “Steve Jobs” when I first read it. But when I saw the movie, a lot of the stuff I didn’t think would work DID work, and it turned out to be one of my favorite movies of the year. The fact that it was kept out of the Oscars, then, in favor of CAROL(????) is god-damned ludicrous. Carol was one of the most average movies I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t bad. But it definitely wasn’t good. And as a screenplay, there was nothing there. There’s one moment in the entire movie that’s unexpected. And the rest is basic and bland and safe. I still don’t know who votes for these things (do only Academy screenwriters or is it all Academy members?) but they’re clearly delusional if they’re bringing this script in over Jobs. I mean at least Sorkin took some chances as a writer. Carol is completely dependent on Rooney Mara’s eyes and Cate Blanchett’s acting. And the last time I checked, neither of those things is written! Let that marinate while you’re reading some amateur brilliance this fine weekend!

Remember, you can submit your own script to challenge your peers with by sending me an e-mail (carsonreeves3@gmail.com) with your TITLE, GENRE, LOGLINE, WHY YOU THINK IT DESERVES A SHOT, and a PDF of the screenplay. A good review tends to get writers some industry contacts. So who knows, maybe you’ll be the next “The Last Alchemist.” Keep’em coming!

Title: The Space Hotel
Genre: Action/Sci-Fi
Logline: The year 2037. When the world’s first space hotel is hijacked by religious fundamentalists, it falls to an atheist scientist and a devout ex-soldier to lead the fight back.
Why You Should Read: The Space Hotel is a high concept idea in a marketable genre, featuring a number of Scriptshadow favourites — unique location; strong female lead; proactive protagonist with a relatable flaw; high stakes; condensed time frame; unifying theme — all tied up in a manageable 102 pages. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Title: Onna-Bugeisha
Genre: Action/Adventure (48 pgs – no dialog)
Logline: After witnessing the slaughter of her village by a rival clan, a woman warrior treks across Japan in search of revenge.
Why You Should Read: This script came out of my love for sword fighting. In every samurai film ever made, it’s always by far the highlight of the story, which is why I set out to make the plot of Onna-Bugeisha so simple. The characters have no spoken dialog. I thought it would be a great experiment to write a film in which the battles, the duels and the score were the dialog. — Uma Thurman aside, rarely do we see a woman take center stage in a samurai action film. The main protagonist in this story is not only a woman, but a mother of two. Women of the households, defending their families at sword point, is ingrained in the samurai culture, but to the best of my knowledge, I haven’t seen that story play out on film. — Please note: Although the page count is low for a feature film, I’ve timed it at around 1 hr 50 min.

Title: The Murder of Mae Crow
Genre: A historical courtroom drama, set in turn of the century Georgia.
Logline: In 1912, two black teenagers stand trial and face execution for the rape and murder of a white girl in the Jim Crow South.
Why You Should Read: I’m just a guy that at the age of 42 decided to try and become a screenwriter because I don’t have enough ridicule and failure in life. I’ve researched this case for over three years pouring over microfilm for countless hours. — This is a true story and the case that caused the largest African-American banishment in U.S. history. This helped bring about the re-birth of the KKK. The judge and lawyers were all the key ringleaders of the lynching of Leo Frank, and the original members of the new KKK started in 1915. Hollywood has largely been silent on the epidemic of black lynchings that took place from 1864-1935. An estimated 4,000 to 7,000 African-Americans were lynched during this time yet no movie accurately depicts this time, their struggle, or the injustice of a Jim Crow justice system. This is the most important script you will read this year, and a story you will not easily forget.

Title: The Transfer
Genre: Horror
Logline: A violinist’s arrival at an exclusive boarding school coincides with a series of sinister events.
Why You Should Read: I’m a screenwriter who appreciates a good scare. I think you should read the Transfer because it’s a fun horror thriller that I would describe as What Lies Beneath meets Heathers. I was inspired by psychopathic gangs of teenagers that often manifest at elite private schools. — I never attended boarding school but went to camp one summer at St. Andrews where Dead Poets Society was filmed. They always seemed like fun places to me but at the same time there’s that Lord of the Flies-style youth gone amuck threat lingering. — The story revolves around a talented violinist who transfers to a prestigious boarding school and unwittingly crosses a dangerous clique. What results is a harrowing semester of hazing that unravels a shocking secret that leads to the death of several high-profile students at the hands of that what can only be described as something supernatural. — I also drew tone/aesthetic inspiration from films like Repulsion, Black Swan, and It Follows.

Title: Entitled
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Three people wake up in a room with no doors or windows. They notice a casket at the far side of the room with three locks and a timer counting down. They must figure out why they are there and what happens when the timer reaches zero.
Why should you read it? It’s like Cube having a head on collision with Saw and Phone Booth. It reads fast and has a supernatural element to it. There are a handful of characters, each having their own voice and back story. It has rapid fire dialogue that comes of natural and you can cut the tension with a knife. This script will keep you interested until the last page.

A mysterious writer makes the Black List without any managers or agents!

Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: A New York publicist’s life starts to unravel when he’s suspected of killing his co-worker.
About: It took my scrolling through three dozen loglines, but I FINALLY found a script on the Black List that didn’t start with the words, “Based on a true story…” or “The real life story of…” But here’s what really caught my eye about today’s script. All the other scripts on the Black List have two managers listed, two agents, a couple of producers, a production company, and sometimes a studio. This script? It just had a small production company listed. No representation. That’s an indication that a script REALLY DID build its reputation on quality alone (and not, ahem, campaigning). I’m smelling a good one here, guys.
Writer: Topher Rhys-Lawrence
Details: 100 pages

Gosling would be perfect for this.

Was talking to a writer yesterday who’d read a terrible screenplay that had sold and he was pissed off that all these “bad” writers were breaking in while he was still a “nobody.” “If these guys are getting in with these shitty scripts, why am I still stuck on the bottom?”

Look, guys, you can’t control what scripts sell. There are a hundred different reasons sales happen, a lot of them a mystery to us. But even if that weren’t the case, comparing your progress to someone else’s is always a no-win scenario. Think of screenwriting like golf. Your only opponent is yourself.

And the way golfers get better is through discipline. Going out and hitting thousands of balls. That’s what you have to do. Sit down and write thousands of sentences. Discipline is your way into the industry.

I have no doubt it’s discipline that got Topher onto the Black List. This script shows the kind of craftsmanship you only get through a lot of practice. Let’s take a look.

Reade McCarthy is 32 years old and so close to his goal. He’s the second best publicist at his firm and the founder is retiring in a year, setting him up to take her place. The only one in his way is Valerie, a volumptuous strategist who wants to be the big cahuna just as badly as Reade does.

Meanwhile, Reade is doing his best American Psycho impression, tending to his body and look with the kind of attention even an OCD disorder would find disturbing. Maybe if he took a little of that attention and spent it on his stunning fiancé, Tasha, she wouldn’t be having doubts abour their relationship.

Doubts which are well-founded, since Reade is secretly fucking Nicolette, a bombshell blonde who’s batshit bonkers. Nicolette is Reade’s dirty little secret, the one thing he can’t control and therefore his one source of excitement.

But that area of Reade’s life is about to get a lot more complicated. After eviscerating his nemesis, Valerie, at a party, he finds out the next day that she was murdered. And, of course, since everyone saw Reade screaming at her, he’s the prime suspect.

If that weren’t bad enough, Reade starts seeing a man around New York who looks exactly like him, albeit disheveled and homeless. As he does his best to manage these issues, the firm hires Valerie’s replacement, Sebastian Ryan, basically the same person as Reade, but better at everything. Reade’s biggest nightmare.

Like a strange combination of American Psycho, Fight Club, and Mr. Robot, USP watches New York’s preeminent control-freak struggle helplessly as he loses control over everything.

Character pieces are the scripts most likely to fall apart due to the fact that they don’t have traditional goals to guide the story. Colin Trevorrow’s script “Stealing Time,” may not have been very good. But it had a clear goal – find the pieces of the device before the bad guys did.

With USP, there isn’t a goal. So you have to find other ways to push the reader through the story. One of those ways is to “lead.” Again, leading is implying something important is going to happen later in the story, which in turn entices the reader to stick around until that moment happens. You’re basically dangling a carrot.

For example, after Valerie dies, this Sebastian guy comes in. And after a couple of dick-measuring scenes, Reade says he wants to invite Sebastian out, get to know him better. With Sebastian now Reade’s main competition, this is a meet-up we’re curious to see. So from now until that scene, we’ll stick around.

In addition to this, good character pieces need things to be in disarray. Shit must be falling apart so that the reader will want to stick around to see if it gets fixed or not. Take Reade’s girlfriend, for example, Tasha. She’s starting to pull away from him as he becomes more and more unraveled. That’s an area of “disarray” we’re curious about. We’ll stick around to see if Reade can fix that problem.

But I’ll tell you the moment in USP when I knew I was dealing with a legitimate screenwriter. It’s a scene that comes up in the middle of the story. Reade’s life is crumbling. And he’s out with Tasha when he runs into Nicollete, the crazy unpredictable woman he’s having an affair with. Tasha watches from afar as Nicollete approaches Reade. It’s clear from Tasha’s point of view that there’s something going on between these two.

Not wanting to make a scene, she waits for their conversation to end, approaches Reade, and asks to leave, so she can question him about this without creating a spectacle. Nicollete, still nearby, overhears this and turns around, getting her long overdue opportunity to interact with the woman Reade chose over her.

Now, I’m going to ask you to visualize the scene the way you would write it. How would this “confrontation” go down in your book? I encourage you to go as far as writing out the dialogue. Once you’re done, come back here and read the below. This is what happens next…

NICOLETTE: I’m so sorry! I must have given you the wrong impression but we’re just old friends. We haven’t seen each other in years and wanted to catch up. He was talking me through a guy problem. Hope you don’t mind.

TASHA: Reade, it’s getting late.

NICOLETTE: Problem Guy and I didn’t end well. I carried his baby for four months, and, well, you probably don’t know the toll it takes on a gal when you’re asked to get rid of it. And then he got rid of me as soon as he realized that I didn’t fit into the press release of his life he’d been writing for himself.

A rigid beat between the three.

NICOLETTE (CONT’D): It was a girl. Problem Guy asked me never to tell him. But I guess I’m just not that big of a person.

For those who’ve been trying to crack this craft for awhile, they know exactly why this scene is good. Beginners, on the other hand, might wonder what the big deal is. Here’s the big deal. 90% of writers would’ve written an on-the-nose confrontation between these two women. One of them would’ve accused the other of doing something bad. The other girl yells back. Maybe things get physical.

The genius of this moment is that Nicollete tells Tasha her and Reade’s entire story under the pretense of it being someone else. It’s indirect. And it’s not only a subtle way to approach the confrontation, but as a character choice, it’s much more devious and clever. Even if Tasha were to say something, Nicollete could shrug her shoulders and reply, “I don’t know what you mean. This is something that happened with my old boyfriend.” Way more interesting than, “I know you’re fucking my fiancé.”

I say this as someone who has read SO MUCH ON-THE-NOSE dialogue over the past month in the contest. I rarely encounter a scene as clever as this one. If you’re going to become a good screenwriter, this is a skill you need to learn. Figuring out creative ways to explore conversations that we’ve seen a million times before is a pay-worthy skill. You’re not going to be able to do it all the time. But if you can do it during a few key scenes, you’ll be well on your way to cracking the screenplay code.

Untitled Sociopath Project is the kind of script that the Black List used to celebrate before Sgt. Biopic and Colonel True Story’s army stormed Screenplay Island. It’s voicy, it’s unique, it’s got an offbeat main character. And most importantly, it’s well-executed. This is a trippy surprise you’re going to want to read if you get a chance.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Some of you may remember how I hated The Libertine. And you might be asking, “Wait a minute, Carson. How is it you gave today’s asshole main character a pass when you eviscerated The Libertine’s asshole main character??” I’ll tell you exactly why. If you’re going to write an asshole character, he has to suffer for his asshole-ness. That’s this entire script. Reade’s life is falling apart because of what a terrible person he is. My issue with The Libertine is that that guy was a dickhead the entire movie and didn’t have to pay a dime for it. And worst of all, his big problem (raping someone) was solved at the end without him having to do anything! So if you’re going to write a terrible person, make sure they pay the price for being a terrible person.

Genre: Sci-fi
Premise: A bitter truce has been reached after an alien invasion. Fueled by suspicions of an alien spy in their ranks, the United Nations entrusts an agent with finding the mole.
About: This one finished Top 20 on the 2015 Black List and comes from a British writer who recently wrote a film for Paul Verhoeven to direct, titled, “Elle.” It follows the CEO of a gaming software company who is attacked in her home by an unknown assailant.
Writer: David Birke
Details: 117 pages – February 2015 draft

After coming out of yet another meeting last week where it was stressed to me the need for more biopics and true stories, I’m at my wits end. I’m trying not to sour on the format. But I’m just so sick of it! How many lives do we have to watch before somebody gives us an original idea with original execution????

With that said, I had one of those a-ha moments on the drive home about why biopics have become such a huge deal. About 7-8 years ago, the ultra-franchise was born, bringing with it, if not the extinction of the star-driven film, then at least the destruction of its infrastructure.

In this new world, stars were going to have to find a new way to survive. I mean, shit, we’re in a world where a Will Smith movie is now lucky to bring in 30 million bucks. Enter the biopic. It is the genre that studios still need big actors for, as those actors are the only way to sell the movie. I mean let’s be honest. No one’s going to see Joy if it stars, say, Selena Gomez.

Actors realized quickly that this was their ticket to keep being stars and to get paaaaaa-aaaid. And so the 50 biopics a year era was born.

Am I mad about this? No. I can’t be. I have too many places asking me for the next great biopic screenplay and/or true story. So I will have to keep reading them. But when I don’t have to read them, I will fight the good fight. Read scripts that contain some element of being born inside an imagination. And when I read the logline for today’s script, that’s exactly what I saw. The only question is whether the execution would match it. Let’s find out.

The year is 2037. A War of the Worlds-like alien attack has occurred and the planet has somehow neutralized the alien threat, although now we have a bunch of aliens lingering around, still pushing their agenda. The only difference is that instead of doing so through giant ships that shoot lasers, they’re doing it through espionage, developing human-alien hybrids that look and act exactly like humans, then using them as spies.

This is where our hero, Martin Webber, comes into play. Webber works for the world equivalent of the CIA or MI-6, and is an agent dedicated to neutralizing the alien presence. His job has gotten a lot tougher, though, as word’s come down that one of these secret alien-humans has infiltrated the agency. Webber, due to his no-nonsense approach, is chosen to smoke this person out, a guy or gal who goes by the code name, “Morningstar.”

Strangely enough, Webber doesn’t seem to be in that much of a hurry. He likes to hang out with his hot neighbor, Mia, and get to those pesky job requirements whenever he’s feeling up to it. This results in a very relaxed investigation that begins to indicate our mole is a lot closer to Webber than he may have thought. In the end, we find that the truce between us and these aliens is a lot more complicated than we could’ve imagined.

As I’ve said plenty of times before, if you’re going to write a sci-fi movie, particularly an alien invasion sci-fi movie, you want to look for a fresh way to tell the story. It’s why I liked Story of Your Life. It’s why I liked District 9. And that tradition continues with today’s script, Morningstar.

It’s no easy challenge though. The reason people do it the easy way isn’t because that’s the way it’s always been done, but because that’s the way that includes the most dramatic tension. The act of aliens invading offers all sorts of dramatic possibilities. If you’re coming into the mix after that, you’re going to have a hard time finding a story as cool. I mean, what’s more high-stakes than an alien invasion?

A good example of this problem played out in the development of World War Z. That film was based on a book that took place after the zombie outbreak was over. The story was more about the political machinations involved in figuring out what went wrong and who was responsible.

They wrote a few drafts with that approach – one of which I reviewed on the site – and there was a big problem. It wasn’t that interesting. So in the end, they caved and moved the story back into the actual zombie outbreak, resulting in a much more dramatically compelling film.

Suffice it to say, Morningstar hasn’t figured out how to solve this problem either. But that’s just the beginning of the script’s problems. Everything here is over-described, with 8-10 line description paragraphs being the norm. Goals aren’t highlighted properly, leaving us to go 20 pages at a time not really sure what the characters are trying to do. And there’s a whole lot of talking instead of doing, which is one of the worst mistakes you can make writing a screenplay. The whole script has the distinctive feel of being that person at the party who will talk for 30 minutes and after you walk away you realize he didn’t actually say anything.

A lot of this could’ve been solved by instituting a more focused lens. And focus starts with your action description. A lot of writers hear that you’re supposed to keep your paragraphs to 4 lines or less in a screenplay and don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, is it really that difficult to read 8 lines instead of 4?

If it’s good writing, it’s certainly not as big of a deal. But the main reason that writing sparsely is so important, is because it forces you to think about what you want to say. If you have unlimited lines, you’ll babble til you get to the point. But if you have three, it’s a lot like a tweet. You have to think about what it is you want to say and be concise about it. And when you do that, your sentences are always more impactful.

If Birke could’ve done that and then extrapolated that approach to his entire writing process, giving the script more focus and thrust (honestly, there was ZERO URGENCY in this story), I’m sure I would’ve enjoyed it more. But right now, it’s too vague, not enough happens, characters talk about insignificant things for far too long, and, worst of all, it’s not fun. This is an alien movie and there isn’t a single bit of fun in it. Even the grandfather of serious sci-fi, Blade Runner, had fun.

So I was really bummed out about this one. It was a cool premise with a lot of opportunity but it’s just not there yet.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I know this relates more to my intro than it does the script, but it’s worth noting that if you’re going to write a biopic, the number of entries into that genre has skyrocketed, which means the only way you’re going to stand out is if you do something unique. Cradle-to-grave biopics should be your last option. Think like Sorkin and what he did with Jobs. Try something different. As someone who’s been reading a lot of biopics for my contest, most of them are boring simply because they’re the exact same thing over and over again. Good luck!

Christoph Waltz to play Jakob in “Jakob’s Wife” maybe??

Many of you have been asking me, “Yo, Crackpot Carson, when the fly-handle are you going to be dunzoes with your freakin’ contest, homie! If I woulda known I’d be on welfare before I got my contest results, I wouldn’t have paid the ridiculous entry fee!” Well, maybe not in those words. More like normal-world words. I’m not sure anyone’s used the word “dunzoes” since 2003, and I’m pretty sure the last one to use it was me. But you get the point.

The good news is, I’m almost dunzoes picking the top 25. And I’m reading every free second I get. If I’m in the line at In and Out, I’m reading. If I’m driving on a relatively empty highway, I’m reading. If I’m on the treadmill because I ate too much In and Out, I’m reading. If I’m in the hospital because I got in a car accident, I’m having the nurse read to me (note to all: Do not ask nurses if a script has enough GSU. Apparently that means something very different in hospital-speak – p.s. I’m talking about ass-stuff). So while I can’t offer you a delicious helping of my special 25 sauce, I can give you 10 scripts that almost made the cut.

The reasons for why these scripts didn’t make the cut are varied. But the general assessment is that there have been no perfect scripts in the contest. So the scripts that have gotten through are ones that have had a lot more good than bad. These “almost” scripts are ones that maybe had 60-70% good, as opposed to the 80-90% required to make the finals.

What’s great about the below scripts, though, is that either they or the writer have potential. With guidance, who knows? Maybe we’ll even review some for Amateur Friday to get the writers some feedback.

As for the scripts that didn’t make today’s cut, the number 1 reason was lack of originality. It’s been one script after another with me going, “Already seen it.” I don’t get the sense that the writers are trying or that they understand the value of being unique in a medium that’s deluged with sameness. So, here are 10 Scriptshadow 250 “Almosts.” I’ll leave it up to the writers in the comments section on whether they want to post links to their scripts. Enjoy!

Title: Legendaria
Writer: Ben Baker
Genre: Fantasy, Family, Adventure
Logline: After being magically transported into the world of a fantasy role-playing game, a nerdy middle schooler and his friends must finish the game’s quest and defeat an evil sorcerer to get back home.
Notes: This was pretty good. Sweet, innocent, marketable, a Zathura-type premise. Kinda funny in a mainstream way. The only question is: Is it too simple? Does this writer have Harry Potter type imagination? Either way, it’s a super easy reading style and the kind of story that makes you feel good.

Title: The Value of Perception
Writer: Skye Lynch
Genre: Mystery/Heist
Logline: The sudden and mysterious death of her grandfather leads a young art historian to uncover the largest art heist in history. But in order to bring the thieves to justice, she must trust a man she barely knows and steal a painting from one of the most prestigious museums in the world.
Notes: The writing here is strong and this one started out with a head of steam, building a lot of mystery. However, once she actually gets into the investigation, things start getting a little repetitive and/or predictable. Stopped feeling fresh. That tends to happen a lot when you move into these investigative-type stories. You need to stray from the formula at some point since the blueprint is so familiar to the audience.

Title: Jakob’s Wife
Writer: Mark Steensland
Genre: Horror/Drama
Logline: In order to make his wife human again, an aging Episcopalian minister must hunt down and kill the vampire who bit her.
Notes: There is certainly something here, a sort of more-serious “Hobo with a Shotgun” vibe, mixed with a taste of Let the Right One In. My worry is that, “Is it too minimalist?” That could be. But the writer definitely writes with assuredness and seems to know what he’s doing. I just wish there was more going on.

Title: My Two Cents
Writer: Magnus Ronningen
Logline: When a grumpy, computer-illiterate, 85 year old widower accidentally becomes America’s most famous blogger, he must quickly learn to navigate the terrifying jungle of modern communication, or risk realizing his worst nightmare: being remembered as a joke.
Notes: This script has the second funniest scene I read in the contest. Without going into too much detail, an old man gets into an online fight with someone named “Cock,” then calls the guy out and says he wants to deal with this in person, like people used to. “Cock” agrees to meet at a San Francisco Park, where the Old Man charges around demanding “Cock” as loud as possible (“Sir, are you okay?” “I’m here for cock!”). It’s so juvenile and yet I couldn’t stop laughing. There are more of those laughs here. The problem with My Two Cents is it has ZERO STORY to speak of. As in I couldn’t locate a single plot thread. It was just this old man being confused with computers. Still, it was funny stuff.

Title: Ladybug
Writer: Alex Cope
Genre: High School / Monster Movie
Logline: An insecure teenager bitten by a strange bug finds that she is transforming into a giant insect and struggles to hide it from her friends and family.
Notes: This script’s heart is in the right place. And it achieves the necessary “weirdness” factor required to pull a Black List placement. I’m just not sure it’s firing on all cylinders. This is an ambitious premise and those require spot-on (no pun intended) execution. The whole time I was thinking, “This just isn’t reaching the execution level that the premise promises.” Still, it was good enough for me to remember in a sea of scripts. That shouldn’t be discounted.

Title: Intelligent Design
Writer: Brian Kazmarck
Genre: Gothic Horror/Sci-fi
Logline: A grisly vampire-like murder sends an NYC Detective in way over his head when he suspects that the culprit he’s after might actually be a real vampire.
Notes: This one has… something. Like most scripts here, though, it feels a little messy. Some writers seem to get lost in the details of their world. You’ve created a cool world. That’s great. But you need to tell the story. You need to move things along. This is a movie, not a novel. Writers always forget that. You don’t want readers giving up on your script cause they’re having to move through a molasses-level heap of description. With that said, this is a cool premise and I could totally see it being a movie with a leaner more “get-to-the-point” approach.

Title: A Wretch Like Me
Writer: Justin DiSandro
Logline: A horribly despicable selfish drug runner finds himself in a situation where he must help someone else. Will he?
Notes: The writer attempts to do something unique. Create the most unlikable character possible, place him in a situation where he must help someone, then attempt to change our perception of the man so that we’re rooting for him. This kind of thing has been done a few times before, but it’s really hard to get right. I admire that Justin committed to making this guy a total bastard. And I loved the simplicity of the story. But in the end it’s hard for me to change my mind about someone. And I disliked this character so much, I simply couldn’t come around in the end. With that said, Justin’s a writer to watch out for.

Title: The Operator
Writer: Huey Q. Pham
Genre: Action
Logline: After joining an elite counter terrorism unit in the CIA, a female Army combat veteran struggles to step out of the shadow of her deceased Navy Seal father while hunting a terrorist mastermind bent on avenging the death of his family.
Notes: One of the strongest female roles in the entire contest, and with female parts so big these days, that’s a smart choice by the writer. The problem is the same problem that plagues practically EVERY script I read with the acronym “CIA,” “DEA,” “FBI,” “NSA” or any other military acronym. They always devolve into generic story tropes. It’s so disappointing because the female character here was so good. My advice to writers going forward. If you’re going to write one of these movies, TRY TO BE ORIGINAL. We’ve seen every type of “man/woman with a gun” premise there is. What fresh element are you bringing to the table??

Title: Itchy Feet
Writer: Ian Bradley
Genre: Comedy
Logline: After a South African holiday goes hilariously wrong, two friends decide to make their way home to England – by driving up through the African continent.
Notes: This writer is really green. Script is 134 pages. Scenes go on for 3-4 beats longer than they should. But he’s got comedy dialogue down. It sucks that you can’t reward this because in addition to his knack for comedy, he’s given us a movie we’ve never seen before. How often does that happen? But this writer needs to learn how to focus his story (outline, only write the scenes you need, get into every scene late and out of every scene early) as well as get a few scripts under his belt. Potential is great but you need to learn the nuances of the craft before they’ll let you in the door.

Title: Hobgoblin
Writer: Bernard Kenney
Genre: Fantasy Action-Adventure
Logline: A dark retelling of the pagan, gnostic warlock Robin Goodfellow and his band of heathen Merry Men who fight against the onslaught of Christendom, in the form of the strong-arm of the Vatican’s Grand Inquisitor who aligns himself with the Sheriff of Nottingham.
Notes: This script lives on the edge between “same but different” and “too weird,” and honestly, I keep going back and forth between where it belongs. It’s got a really cool religious-nut villain. It’s got some fun set-piece scenes. And let’s not forget how much Hollywood loves these reimaginings. But the script feels too dense at times, too riddled with exposition. I kept feeling like the script needed to breathe and the writer was constricting it. Sometimes you have to move those eyes down the page faster. This is inventive and has potential, but wasn’t all the way there for me.

And there you have it. Congrats to all these writers. And I hope the notes I included help the writers in the next draft! ☺

As I was combing through all the amateur scripts I read this year to come up with this list, I realized I was looking at scripts in a way I rarely do. As a distant memory. Which led to an unexpected question: What did I remember about the script? Was it amazing, terrible, strange, not bad but had potential? Or was it the word which shall never be mentioned in screenwriting circles? Was it… forgettable? In the case of half these scripts, I didn’t remember a single thing about them.

I bring this up because I want you to imagine someone coming across your script four months after they’ve read it. What would they remember? If your idea is similar to a lot of other ideas, if your characters are, for the most part, like every other character we’ve seen in films, or if you’ve given us nothing new or different, there’s a good chance your script won’t be remembered at all. To that end, I challenge you to write the “Instantly Remembered After 4 Months” script. You should either have a big idea, take lots of chances, have a really unique voice, or create an eccentric unique character.

Nearly all of my Top 10 list from yesterday falls into this category, but I’ll give you another example from a script I actually didn’t like. It was an amateur script I reviewed called Game of 72. I didn’t like it, but as soon as I saw the post, I remembered everything about it. That’s because the writer took chances and had a unique voice. The same holds true for The Libertine. Hated it. But I’ll never forget it. The point is, it’s better to write something people remember, even if they don’t like it, than something safe that people won’t remember at all. And achieving that usually comes down to taking chances.

Below are my Top 10 Amateur Reads of the year. They came from Amateur Friday, script consultations, and scripts that landed in my hands one way or another. Take note that there are no Scriptshadow 250 scripts in here. That will all be separate. Ready? Here we go!

Number 10
Title: Insatiable
Logline: When a law student’s girlfriend mysteriously vanishes from a truck stop diner, he suspects a shady trucker is to blame. But as he races to save her life, he discovers that the only thing more terrifying than her captors is the reason she was taken.
Writer: Michael Morra

I believe that one day, Michael Morra will be writing horror movies that we plop down good money for. I’ve read three of his scripts now, and they all show a technical skill way beyond the average amateur. If Insatiable has a flaw, it’s that it’s too familiar. And that may be an area where Morra wants to push himself in the future. Even so, this script starts big and doesn’t let go. For those of you who love a good creature feature, you’ll want to check Insatiable out.

Script link: Insatiable

Number 9
Title: The Runner
Logline: Back-stabbed by his employer and marooned in Mexico, a tough, drug-running pilot struggles to fly himself and the family that rescued him back to America alive.
Writer: Jeffrey Doka

The Runner feels like one of those easy-going 70s-style movies someone like Sean Penn or George Clooney would like to make. Pair one of them up with a European director who hates Taken-obsessed Hollywood and you may have yourself a movie package. I didn’t fall in love with The Runner, but both times I read it, there felt like there was something there, both in the story and the writer. I feel like a good producer could guide this into something with a little more punch, while keeping its European-style roots firmly in place.

Script link: The Runner

Number 8
Title: Damn Nation
Logline: Five years after a vampiric plague has overrun the United States, a Special Ops unit from London is sent back into the heart of the US in an attempt to find the cure.
Writer: Adam Wax (Based on the comic, “Damn Nation,” written by Andrew Cosby and illustrated by J. Alexander)

More than any other script on this list, Damn Nation screams “movie.” It helps that it’s based off some high quality illustration work by J. Alexander, but there’re more to Damn Nation than studio dollar signs. The story has some nice plot twists, and the characters feel like newer upgraded versions of their 80s and 90s inspirations. Damn Nation also happened to be one of the most controversial entries of Amateur Friday, due to some believing the script was a straight copy and paste job from the comic book. My take? If turning a comic like Damn Nation into the page turner we get here is that easy, studios wouldn’t hire writers, they’d hire typists. But I’m sure the controversy will live on!

Script link: Damn Nation

Number 7
Title: Ivy
Logline: When her older brother — a notorious NYC graffiti writer — is murdered, a teenaged fine arts student must infiltrate this underground world in order to find her brother’s killer.
Writer: Mystery Writer!

The funny thing about Ivy is it’s a movie I’d never see. But that’s when you know a script is good – when it’s keeping you invested despite the fact that you’re not interested in the genre. The target crowd here is teenagers, and Ivy builds an exciting story for that demo based around infiltrating a dangerous graffiti gang. It’s like Veronica Mars meets Save the Last Dance meets Step Up, but actually done well. If you’re a producer trying to tap into this demo, you’ll definitely want to check Ivy out.

Script link: Ivy

Number 6
Title: Time Upon a Once
Logline: A film crew follows a medieval servant as she searches for the princess who can save a cursed prince — a prince she secretly loves herself.
Writer: Angelo Campos

Don’t bother looking for this one on the site. It came to me via a consultation. Easily one of the more inventive scripts I read all year, Time Upon a Once reminded me of a cross between Enchanted and What We Do In The Shadows. What I liked most about the script is how much it turned clichés on their head (for example, instead of a princess that needed to be kissed, it was a prince). Usually mockumentary scripts turn out awful. The writer’s over-reliance on the interview cutaway becomes a death trap of “cutting to an annoyed face for the 30th time isn’t funny!” But Angelo is more interested in telling a story here, and that’s what sets this apart from the rest.

Script link: Contact Angelo at angeloxcampos@gmail.com

Number 5
Title: Wars of Eternal Spring
Logline: A rebellious-minded woman in ancient China seeks the help of Shaolin to save her village from a love-obsessed General and his bloodthirsty Captain.
Writer: Elizabeth Barilleaux

When I started today’s post, I talked about memory – what comes into your mind the moment you think of a script. With Eternal Spring it’s “beauty.” I remember, more than any other script, feeling transported to this time and place. And the reason Elizabeth was able to achieve this was because she is obsessed with every word she writes. You can tell she’s thought about how each word will affect the reader. The story itself feels like a cross between Crouching Tiger and Braveheart. The only reason this didn’t finish higher is because it’s not really my thing. Add a few jedis and then we’d be talking. But even Force-less, Eternal Spring is a force to be reckoned with.

Script link: Wars of Eternal Spring

Number 4
Title: Unlawful
Logline: A troubled detective operates outside the law when he buys an underage prostitute to perform “favors.” But when a 16-year-old girl goes missing and he must use her diary to reconstruct the events that led to her disappearance, an unimaginable truth emerges.
Writer: Carver Gray

Reviewed back in June on the site, Unlawful would later go on to make The Blood List and The Hit List. And I’m not the least bit surprised. Carver understands that if you’re going to do dark thrillers, YOU HAVE TO GO DARK. You can’t go PG-13-dark or repackage the dark from previous thrillers. Carver goes full-on with his tortured drug-abused hero and doesn’t let up until the last page. Not to mention this is a mystery that will keep you guessing. Congrats to Carver on all his success!

Script link: Unlawful

Number 3
Title: Shelby
Logline: Shelby, a 40-something woman still trying to figure out how to be an adult, heads back to her hometown where she finds herself regressing even further into her juvenile tendencies.
Writer: Beth Rigazio

I’m going to get pummeled for this but I don’t care. Rigazio has some produced credits. But they’re from so long ago that I feel like she has to hustle as hard as everyone else on this list. And I’m not sure anyone’s going to find out about this script otherwise. The reason this screenplay made the list is simple: Shelby Wood. Shelby is one of the top 5 characters I’ve read all year. You WILL NOT forget this character, I promise you. Rigazio has sort of a Diablo Cody voice going for her, but where Cody has limits, Rigazio is just getting started. Take, for example, our 45 year old female hero starting a sexual relationship with a 15 year old. I mean, it gets dark. But the thing is, you NEVER STOP LAUGHING. It’s clear that Rigazio knows Shelby inside and out, and that’s what makes this script unforgettable.

Script link: Contact Beth Rigazio at bethrigazio@gmail.com

Number 2
Title: The Only Lemon Tree on Mars
Logline: When recent, inter-global events threaten to disrupt the idyllic life on the first Mars Colony, a woman with a secret to hide must do all that she can to prevent neighbors in her small town from taking up arms against each other.
Writer: Chad Rouch

There are some scripts that stay with you. You find yourself periodically remembering them, like a good vacation or an old friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile. The Only Lemon Tree on Mars is one of those scripts for me. Maybe it’s the title, which is so original, you instantly remember the screenplay when you read it (never forget the power of a unique title!). Or maybe it’s Rouch’s deft ability to paint this struggling alien planet a billion miles away in a way we haven’t seen before. I think that’s the key. This isn’t The Martian. It’s much deeper. There’s a lot more going on. And while it’s not perfect (the ending needs to be bigger), I would love to see what happens after Rouch goes through a couple of rewrites and really irons out the wrinkles. This was the nicest Amateur Friday surprise of the year.

Script link: The Only Lemon Tree on Mars

Number 1!!!
Title: Sonata
Logline: After a genius self-destructive orchestra conductor falls from grace, he sees his way back to the top in an inner-city teenage girl with more musical talent than anyone he’s ever met.
Writer: James Thoo

Every year, Sundance celebrates one music-focused feature. I have no doubt that Sonata will one day be that feature. It’s just too darned good. James writes his main character, William Garland, as a smarter-than-everyone-in-the-room alcoholic, drug-addict, prostitute addict mess of a man who you could imagine a young Paul Newman playing. This man’s version of Trainwreck would make Amy Schumer look like Thomas the Train. So when he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel, ordering his umpteenth whiskey shot at the bar, and he hears the most beautiful soulful voice he’s ever heard outside, free-styling with some random homeless guy, you know you’re in for one hell of a ride. I’ve always been a sucker for heavily contrasting main characters, and a classically trained 40-something white orchestra conductor teaming up with a 14 year old black inner city girl is about as contrasting as you can get. I see this as the next Hustle & Flow. I absolutely loved this script.

Script link: Contact James here. jamesthoo@googlemail.com

That’s it ya’ll! I’m down for the count. See ya in the new year!!!!!