Welcome to The Mandalorian Teleplay Chronicles. I will be reviewing every episode of The Mandalorian’s first season with an eye towards helping writers learn TV writing. Whether the show is a breakout hit or a Jar Jar Binks level bust, we’re going to be focusing on how to become better TV writers. It should be fun!

Genre: Sci-Fi (TV Drama – 1 hour)
Premise: A bounty hunter is tasked with locating and bringing in a rare bounty. But when he runs into a droid going after the same bounty, the two are forced to team up and bring it in together.
About: The Mandalorian is the first ever live action Star Wars TV show, which can be found exclusively on the new Disney Plus streaming service. Jon Favreau created the series and wrote the pilot episode. Long time George Lucas padawan Dave Filoni is making his live action directing debut with the Mandalorian pilot episode.
Writer: Jon Favreau
Details: 40 minutes long

The Pilot.

The most important episode of a TV show.

It’s either going to hook us and make us want more. Or bore us into a race to change the channel. Remote controls are like nuclear weapons in the hands of viewers. They only need to be bored for seconds to erase your show from their screen, and by association, existence.

For that reason, the first lesson in writing a pilot isn’t any different from the first lesson of writing a feature: WRITE A GREAT FIRST SCENE. Hook the viewer. Because if you have a great first scene, a viewer will give you some leeway. Most will give you a good ten minutes. And that’s enough time to convince someone your pilot is worth watching to the end.

Before I tell you how Mandalorian did in this department, let’s give you the lowdown on the plot.

The Mandalorian walks into a bar. No seriously. Mandalorian enters a bar on the outskirts of an icy world. He sits down to have a drink when some heavies – who are bullying a little amphibious man – start taunting him. Mandalorian hops up and beats up the guys he has to beat up and kills the guys he has to kill.

Amphibious Guy thanks him. Not so fast, Mandalorian says. He shows him a “puck.” Amphibious Guy is Mandalorian’s bounty. He’ll be coming home with him. The two grab an Uber from a flute-playing snout-alien and head to Mandlorian’s ship, which is resting on a thin sheen of ice. Just as they take off, an under-sea Hippopotamus creature breaks out of the ice and grabs the ship. Mandalorian electrocutes him with his electro-rifle and off they go.

Mandalorian places poor Amphibious Guy into carbon freezing and into storage with his other frozen bounties. He then meets up with his bounty-giver, Greef Carga. Greef confesses he doesn’t have any high-level bounties left, but he knows someone who does. So Mandalorian goes to this new guy who’s protected by Storm Troopers, which is weird because the Empire’s been destroyed (this takes place after Return of the Jedi).

Storm Trooper Owner gives Mandalorian a special bounty – so special he doesn’t even know where the exact location of the target is, only where it was last seen… 50 years ago! Mandalorian then engages in a really weird shoulder-armor making ritual with Female Mandalorian before shooting off to the remote rocky planet where his special bounty is hiding.

After hanging out with a guy I’ll call Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride because that’s clearly who this character was based on, Mandalorian engages in a cheesy scene where he must tame a lizard horse in order to ride it. He then waddles off to a remote town where he’s angry to find another bounty hunter there, a tall robot named IG-11. There are so many people guarding the target that Mandalorian must team up with IG-11 with a promise to split the bounty.

[SUPER MAJOR SPOILER IN NEXT PARAGRAPH]

In one of the best scenes in the pilot, IG-11 keeps threatening to self-destruct because he’s not allowed to be taken alive, and Mandalorian must talk him down WHILE also shooting back at the endless wave of bad guys. After a fun sequence where the Mandalorian takes out a giant hover-canon, the two break into the building where they find a tiny little hover-stroller. They lift the blanket and inside is a… a baby Yoda creature. Cut to black.

Okay, we’re going to get to all the screenwriting stuff in a second. But first let’s address this ultra-nerdy Star Wars ending.

I’m calling cheap shot. As we’re going to discuss, this episode wasn’t very good. And you don’t get saved just because you drop a WTF super star wars cliffhanger in at the end. It would’ve been much better had you crafted an ACTUAL clever ending, a payoff from an earlier setup, a twist built off character development, anything that had to do with writing as opposed to Star Wars mythology. Because you can’t keep doing that. You can’t have Baby Jabba the Hutt at the end of the second episode, Baby Han Solo at the end the third episode. This bought you some time. But it doesn’t cover up the average writing throughout the rest of the episode.

Let’s get back on track here. Time to learn about TV writing.

Like I said, the first order of business is writing a great first scene to your pilot. Favreau tries to do that here. Showing your character kick the butts of a bunch of bullies is a solid way to pull us in. There was also a nice little twist at the end where Amphibious Guy thinks he’s been saved, when, in actuality, he’s just been caught.

The second most important thing you’re trying to do in a pilot is get the audience to care about your hero. Doesn’t necessarily mean they must like him. But they have to care about him. Mandalorian beating up baddies makes us care about him (or at least enough to keep us intrigued).

But here’s the first thing I didn’t think about going into the series that now I’m very worried about. The main character doesn’t take off his mask. It’s hard for audiences to connect with people whose eyes they can actually see. To build a show around a character whose face we never see? How are you going to build a connection? Has this ever been tried before? I don’t think so. And I definitely didn’t feel closeness to the Mandalorian. I’m interested in him cause he looks cool. But if I’m not going to get any face to face connection with him at all, I predict that being a major problem moving forward.

Once you’ve written a great opening scene and you’ve made us care about your protagonist, your job is to move into the episode goal as soon as possible. You can delay this if interesting things are happening. And that’s what Mandalorian does. Before he can return his bounty and receive his goal, Mandalorian is attacked by an ice monster. Stuff like that is fine because there’s conflict and stakes and danger. We’ll stick with you if your protagonist is battling obstacles before he gets to his goal.

Mandalorian finally returns his bounty and gets his episode goal. And there’s a bigger TV lesson to learn here. You want to come up with show ideas that naturally lend themselves to repeated goals. This is why cop and hospital and law shows are so popular. There’s always another criminal to take down. There’s always another patient to save. There’s always another court case to win. This means that every episode has natural goals built in.

The Mandalorian swims in these same waters. Bounty-hunting is a goal-oriented business. You always have another bounty to go after. This should make episode-writing easy. Because when you don’t have this stuff built in, you have to come up with goals out of thin air every episode and that can be difficult.

Throughout your middle acts, your focus should be on introducing the other characters in interesting ways. Remember, features are about plot. TV is about character. You can get away with thin secondary characters in a feature. Not the case in a TV show. Most of the characters you create are going to have an hour or more of screen time a season. So you can’t just come up with a cool character. You have to think about what their past is like (if they’re battling demons, trying to escape something), what kind of problems they’re dealing with in the present, and what kind of interesting places the story might take them in the future.

For whatever reason, this episode of Mandalorian was only 40 minutes long. And outside of Billy Crystal and IG-11, we didn’t get to know anyone that well. So I’d say Favreau failed in this department. I barely know any of the characters after Mandalorian Chapter 1.

After all your hard work, you are rewarded with the best thing about writing for TV: You don’t have to wrap everything up! Wrapping things up is the hardest part about writing a feature. Maybe 5% of movies have great endings. With TV, all you need to do is give us an ending that makes us want to come back for more. You don’t have to have any idea where that ending goes. You just have to give us something exciting. Here, it’s Baby Yoda. For you, it will be something more creative. Something story-based.

I was hoping this show would provide me with a lot of examples of how to write a pilot. Unfortunately, this proves that even if you’re following the blueprint, you can still fail. The choices you make can be average, even if they’re “right.” For example, the opening scene where Mandalorian beats up and kills a bunch of guys in a bar is a decent scene. But nothing I haven’t seen before. As a writer, you should always be looking to elevate your choices beyond the choices of everyone else. Not just give us slight variations on stuff we’ve already seen.

The biggest thing I’m bummed about here is how lonely this episode felt. I’ve never experienced that before watching a Star Wars movie. I don’t know if they were going for that on purpose or not but it was unpleasant. The only time this felt like good Star Wars was when Mandalorian and IG-11 teamed up. Outside of that, this was a bummer beginning to this series.

[ ] a total bust
[x] this show is in trouble
[ ] at least it’s Star Wars
[ ] pretty darn good
[ ] off to an amazing start

What I learned: Always look for a spin on classic lines. In that first scene, where Mandalorian corners Amphibious Guy, Amphibious Guy resists him. Mandalorian says, “I can take you in…”. What’s the line that everybody says after this? I can take you in… [what]. “Dead or alive” right? But that line’s been used to death. So look for a spin on it. Mandalorian says, “I can bring you in warm or cold.”

I wanted to congratulate the Amateur Showdown winner this weekend but when I went to check the vote, I saw that it was the closest Amateur Showdown we’ve had all year! Four scripts are all within a stone’s throw of each other. I’m going to extend the voting out one more day. Head over there, read, and vote if you haven’t already. I’ll review the winner Friday.

Also remember that we have ACTION GENRE SHOWDOWN Friday, November 22 and HOLIDAY GENRE SHOWDOWN December 13. Get me your scripts in by 6pm Pacific Time the 21st and the 12th if you want to enter. PDFs should be sent to carsonreeves3@gmail.com with your title, genre, logline, and a pitch to myself and potential readers why you believe your script deserves a shot. Good luck!

Okay, let’s jump into the box office, shall we?

Everybody in the industry is BAFFLED this morning that Dr. Sleep tanked at the box office.

Everybody, that is, but me.

Dr. Sleep violates one of the biggest screenwriting rules there is. In fact, I might argue this is THE most important screenwriting rule. Now in fairness to Dr. Sleep, it wasn’t created to be a movie. It was a novel. It only became a movie once “It” became a monster hit. It also didn’t help that this is Stephen King’s second worst title ever (behind Mr. Mercedes). When I see the title, “Dr. Sleep,” I’m assuming it’s a movie about a doctor who specializes in sleep disorders? That’s not a topic I’m intrigued by.

The answer should’ve been obvious to Warner Brothers why this movie tanked since they’re usually pretty sharp about these things. What was the problem? NOBODY KNEW WHAT THE MOVIE WAS ABOUT. When you watched any marketing material about Dr. Sleep, you didn’t understand what the story was.

What is the story? I’m not asking people who have read the novel. I’m talking to everybody else. Did you know what this was about? Cause I didn’t. And I’m someone who follows every single project in Hollywood. I can only imagine what John in Iowa is going to think after seeing this trailer. There is no clear goal. There’s no clear story. It’s a hurricane of imagery without a point.

In order to drive this home, I’ll give you the counter-example: “It.” That movie was about a crazy clown killing kids. Everybody who watched the It trailer understood that. That’s why so many people went to see it. And this is why it’s so important to get this right in your screenwriting. When you’re conceiving of a screenplay, you must imagine the trailer and know that it will be CLEAR AS DAY what your movie is about to the audience. If you don’t have that basic requirement in place, nobody’s going to produce your script (unless you happen to have sold 200 million novels, of course).

As for the rest of the box office, Midway surprised everyone by taking the number 1 slot. I want to tell a quick story about this one. The screenwriter for Midway, Wes Tooke, first sent me a script a decade ago. And I liked it a lot. I even sent it to a few producers but nothing came of it. I knew he was talented though. Then, for many years, I didn’t hear from him and I wasn’t even sure he was still writing. But apparently, he kept writing, kept pushing, kept getting his stuff out there. And now he’s the SOLE SCREENWRITER for a number 1 movie. That’s incredible. And I’m so happy for Wes because I knew he was talented and it’s a testament to the power of perseverance. Let that be a lesson. It CAN HAPPEN. But you gotta keep pushing.

Last Christmas, which finished fourth at the box office with 11 million dollars, has its own issue. When you watch the trailers, the main character, the girl, felt really angry. The reason for that, I think, is there’s a subtle movement going on where writers are trying to break the belief that men are allowed to be unlikable in movies but women aren’t. This rule has been uttered in many a studio office over the last 50 years. But here’s what these writers are overlooking. If you’re trying to break a belief out of anger, out of, “I’m going to prove something,” – it’s not going to work. Audiences aren’t with you on this ‘change the world’ stuff. All they care about is being entertained. So if you want to break the belief, that’s great. But you have to be smart about it. You have to find ways to do what you want to do but still keep the audience on your side. I’m sorry but this character came off as an extremely unlikeable person in the trailer and it was a big reason why I had no interest in the movie.

Joker continues to dominate and is about to hit the 1 billion dollar mark worldwide. You may be saying, “This has to be the most profitable movie of all time, right?” It cost 50 million dollars to produce and it’s made a billion! It’s a good question. I’m not sure. If you’re going by ratio of investment to return, it’s not even in the ballpark. I think Paranormal Activity, which cost 50 grand to make, made 150 million. But as far as pure profit, I’m thinking Joker has to be up there near the top. It’s amazing when you think about it. They took a character piece drama – a genre that tops out in the 80 million dollar range – and they made a billion dollars with it. It’s going to be fascinating to see how this changes Warner Brothers’ comic book movie approach. And other studios as well. Who doesn’t want to cut their comic book production costs down by 80%? Or is Joker that lightning in a bottle anomaly never to be repeated again?

Our next topic is one I breach with a lot of respect. Film Riot is the best filmmaking channel on Youtube. Period. It’s top-rank stuff. Recently, the head of Film Riot, Ryan, made a short horror film in the hopes of turning it into a feature. That’s why I want to talk about it today. If you caught October’s newsletter, you may remember me discussing Christopher McQuarrie’s focus on writers making their own movies. I said that if you can’t afford to make a feature, you should shoot something from your script to show the potential of the project in order to attract investors. That is what Ryan did. And here’s the short.

It should be noted that Ryan is coming from the opposite position as all of us. This is a man who studies directing religiously. Whereas everyone here focuses on writing. So you guys have just as well trained an eye as I do about this script’s problems. However, I still want to address them because there’s a giant lesson to be learned from all this.

The problem with There Comes A Knocking is that it’s based on an extremely cliche horror event – a scary knock on the door. The scary knock on the door has literally been in 99% of all horror movies. Therefore, this short is showing us a scene we’ve watched dozens if not hundreds of times already. How is that going to be compelling? When it comes to concepts, you have to give the audience something unique. That’s what makes people care – is that the something is different, and therefore, exciting.

But there’s a much bigger lesson to learn from this. If you’re going to shoot a scene from your script with the goal to get investors interested, you don’t want to do it like this. You don’t want to take a random scene or a random sequence and shoot it. Because the audience isn’t going to know the context and therefore they’re not going to understand what they’re watching. Instead, you want to find the best scene you can find in your script THAT CAN BE TURNED INTO A SHORT FILM. That means not only is the scene good, but you can rewrite it into a self-contained short film that makes sense on its own.

That’s the problem with There Comes A Knocking. It doesn’t work on its own. There’s no proper build up, conflict, or resolution. It’s more a couple of exposition shots and then a jump scare. You want to think more like Cargo…

Clear beginning, clear middle, and clear end. Because people aren’t going to care how good your shot composition or lighting or production design are. All of those things immediately melt into the background of a viewing experience. The only thing that matters is HOW YOU MAKE THE VIEWER FEEL. If they ENJOY what they’ve seen, they will want to work with you. And a complete story from start to finish is the best chance you have at achieving this.

With that said, I remain a huge Film Riot fan. But someone needs to tell Ryan to put his next script up on Amateur Showdown. 20 people here would’ve been able to identify and help him fix these mistakes in a single weekend.

Finally, I want to share with you a new show I’ve been watching. It’s a show that not many people have picked up on yet because there are 17,000 shows out there and who has time for yet another obsession!? But a couple of people I respect mentioned “Evil,” to me. I didn’t bother checking it out at first only because it was a network show and all network shows have low ceilings. The last network show I got into was The Good Wife. Even if you’re like me and don’t like procedurals, that show was exceptionally written.

Anyway, I begrudgingly paid $1.99 to download the pilot for Evil and started watching it. To my surprise, I was into it. And then, after ten minutes, I was more into it. And then after another ten minutes, I was hooked. That never happens to me. Because of what I do, my brain is always in analysis mode. But that mode had been deactivated. All I cared about was what happened next in this great pilot! Out of curiosity, I looked up who created the show. And lo and behold, it was none other than Michelle and Robert King, THE CREATORS OF THE GOOD WIFE.

It was a reminder to me that good writers are good writers no matter what they’re writing. They understand how to construct interesting characters, how to construct compelling scenes. And one of the more underrated things that good writers do is they consistently surprise you. You think you know who killed someone or who’s lying but the writers are always one step ahead of you. That’s my experience with Michelle and Robert King.

For those who don’t know, Evil is about a clinical psychologist, Kirstin, who gets recruited by a priest, Mike, to investigate a demonic possession of a man on trial for murder. It’s one of those X-Files situations where Kristin doesn’t believe in this stuff while Mike does. So she’s always convinced there’s a logical explanation for whatever weird stuff happens.

In a scene where she’s interviewing the murderer, he gives her impossible details about her life that he can’t know. Literally the only way for him to know is if there really is a demon inside of him. And I’m thinking to myself, “How are the writers going to give a rational explanation for this?” Yet through a series of carefully scripted scenes both before and after the interview, they did it. They came up with a logical reason for how he would know what he knew. And it’s moments like that where I know I’m dealing with good writers. With bad writers, I’m in control. I know what’s happening next. With good writers, they’re in control. They know what I’m thinking and they use it against me.

I don’t think I’ll ever get past the overly slick “broadcast” production look of these network shows. I much prefer the cinematic look of soemthing like Breaking Bad. But if you’re into possession stories at all, this is worth checking out. As far as I’m concerned, Michelle and Robret King are the best writers on network television.

Oh, last thing! I don’t know how this Disney Channel thing is going to work. If they turn it on exactly at 12:01 am Tuesday and The Mandalorian is available, I will be reviewing that tomorrow. But if they don’t get it up until later in the morning, then I’ll review it on Wednesday. Can’t wait!

Okay, so here’s the deal. Pay attention! We’re going to do TWO MORE Amateur Showdowns after this one and that will wrap up 2019. The first of these will be an ACTION GENRE SHOWDOWN. That will take place on Friday, November 22. In order to be a part of that , you must have your action script sent to me by Thursday, November 21, 6:00 pm Pacific Time. All action hybrid genres can compete. Straight Action, Action-Comedy, Action-Thriller, Action-Sci-fi. Send’em on in!

Then, on Friday, December 13th, we’re going to have the HOLIDAY GENRE SHOWDOWN. If you have a holiday-themed script, send it on in. And since you have over a month, if you’ve got a good holiday script concept, maybe try and write it. It was just the other week that a script that was written in a single week won. So it’s certainly possible something written in a month can claim top prize. The deadline for that one is Thursday, December 12th, 6:00 pm Pacific Time.

Amateur Showdown is a bi-weekly screenplay tournament where I pick five scripts that were submitted to me and then you, the readers of this site, read as much of each script as possible and vote for your favorite in the comments section. The winner will receive a review the following Friday that could result in props from your peers, representation, a spot on one of the big end-of-the-year screenwriting lists, and in rare cases, a SALE!

In order to participate, e-mail me at carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Include in the e-mail the script title, the genre, a logline, and a pitch to myself and potential readers why you believe your script deserves a shot. It could be long, short, passionate, to-the-point. Whatever you think will convince someone your script is worth opening, make your case. Just like Hollywood, the Scriptshadow readers are a fickle bunch. So be convincing!

In the meantime, here are THIS WEEK’S entries. I think we’ve got a few good ones in here. Good luck to all!

Title: THE HUNTED
Genre: Social Commentary/Zombie-Horror
Logline: When a virus turns all males into feral zombies known as predators, a mother and her daughter become their prey and must evade capture while crossing the Australian desert to reach an alleged safe house.
Why You Should Read: Readers beware, there’s a new type of zombie on the horizon and it’s unlike anything you’ve seen before….

Several months ago now, my horror script ‘Raw Meat’ won the Amateur Friday Showdown, and it even managed to crack Carson’s Top Ten Amateur Scripts of the Year (number eight). ‘The Hunted’ is my latest horror script. In the zombie film premise, I saw a chance to explore the current social divide that exists between men and women, a divide culminating in the #MeToo movement. This is a fast-paced zombie flick, with a twist on the zombie premise that actually has something to say. Plenty of scares, my best character work yet, and an easy read are just some of the reasons to flip it open and give it a try.

Title: BORED TO LIFE
Genre: Dramedy
Logline: A mysterious runaway teenage girl helps a lonely, sugar-addicted ex-military man to rekindle with the love of his life, in exchange for a place to stay.
Why You Should Read: I’m well aware that ‘mysterious’ is vague, but the character lies about her identity a lot and it’s the biggest reveal of the story, amongst many other twists and turns. I didn’t want to spoil it for the sake of the logline. Maybe I’m wrong, you tell me…

In this story, the duo works well because of their differences, that much-needed contrast that makes an unusual relationship memorable. They’re quirky and fun, full of personality, share chemistry, and are both lying through their teeth, which makes them both entertainingly unreliable until the truth reveals itself. — The script has been praised for its voice and humor. It’s right there from the first scene if you don’t believe it. If you don’t laugh or smile at the introductory scene, stop reading… but you won’t! Hopefully… Thanks :)

Title: Palomino
Genre: Crime-Thriller/Drama
Logline: Determined to stay straight, an ex-con becomes bodyguard to a wealthy couple, but is soon caught up in a dangerous game when he’s blackmailed into committing crimes on their behalf.
Why You Should Read: On the surface, Palomino is a slow burn neo-noir, but underneath, it’s also a bittersweet, haunting love story. Inspired by the films and visual flair of Nicolas Winding Refn and David Fincher, Palomino features compelling characters and an unforgettable climax. — Palomino came about during my recent professional breakthrough as a screenwriter. I’ve been a struggling writer for years. And although I’m still not repped, my drama screenplay was recently filmed with some great name talent! We’re currently looking for a distributor. — On set, a story idea I had been playing with came into focus on our main location, which I thought was the perfect setting for a neo-noir. Later, outlining the first draft, I religiously read and re-read Carson’s posts on structure and character. I hope I’ve properly utilized some of his wisdom here. — Thank you to all who read it, and a big thanks to Carson for his site and invaluable advice over the years.

Title: Renaissance Men
Genre: Action, Comedy
Logline: In 16th-century Rome, astronomical badass Nicolaus Copernicus seeks papal approval for his radical new theory about the universe, but after he’s framed for the Pope’s kidnapping, he’ll risk his life and legacy to track down the real abductors.
Why You Should Read: I’ve always loved history. I just wish it could be funnier. If I had a time machine, I probably wouldn’t use it kill baby Hitler. Instead, I’d just swap him with baby Charlie Chaplin who was born a mere four days earlier. But since the latest version of Final Draft is easier to get my hands on than a functioning time machine, I decided to write Renaissance Men. A hilarious adventure that pits some of Renaissance Europe’s biggest egos including Copernicus, Machiavelli, Nostradamus and Michelangelo against each other in a high stakes game of cat and mouse.

I had many reasons why I wanted to write this. First, I knew it would be a lot of fun. Second, I was sure I could generate a ton of laughs. And last but not least, because a story about how the rich and powerful will cover up scientific truth to protect their political interests is even more relevant today than it was 500 years ago.

Title: Lifted
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Upon landing for her business trip in a personal s@#%-storm, a woman climbs into the wrong Lyft and finds herself at the mercy of an unknown driver.
Why You Should Read: After grabbing a Lyft from the chaos that is JFK on a Friday night, the thought of “what if this wasn’t my ride” hit like a sledgehammer. Drowsy after a six-hour flight. In the dark trying to spot license plates that all look the same, maybe a number or letter off from one another. This easily could not be my ride, and if it isn’t, who is this guy driving me? Does anyone know I’m in this guy’s car, at this moment? Or am I lost, potentially forever if the driver so desires?

The driver asks me if the address I give him is in Bushwick. This is my third time in New York, first time visiting this buddy at this apartment so I don’t know. How easy would it be for this guy to drive me to the wrong street, put me in a situation I could never fathom.

Fifteen minutes of typing out these thoughts on my phone while my girlfriend stared at me like I was a lunatic turned the rest of vacation into figuring out this story.

LIFTED is a contained thriller, somewhere between Locke and Buried, and hopefully just as produceable as the two. It feeds off the rideshare setting which has yet to fully be tapped for its dramatic potential. I hope LIFTED may generate an onslaught of creativity in utilizing the setting and showing just how strange rideshare can be in comparison to its predecessors.

I hope you find the above interesting enough to crack LIFTED open. If not, thank you for even the momentary passing thought. I appreciate all notes, good and bad and everything in-between.

Thank you again for giving LIFTED the time of day.

P.S. Since someone may bring it up/ask, I didn’t go with LYFTED because I knew that, in the long run, the film would never reach the screen with that title. I worked relatively close to a previous film that had some issues with the rideshare business including the use of IP. So, to compromise, I went with LIFTED, as in steal.

There have been a lot of people championing the arrival of live-action Star Wars in the TV format, including myself (The Mandalorian arrives next Tuesday!). A large contingent of Star Wars fans are frustrated with where the films have gone and their hope is that TV will infuse Star Wars with fresh energy. In particular, it will allow them to flesh out characters and build some real depth into the universe.

However, there’s a potential pitfall awaiting The Mandalorian that I’ve been worried about ever since a TV show was announced. It has a connection to the Scriptshadow triumvirate, our famous three-ingredient rule for screenwriting success – GSU. GSU stands for goal, stakes, and urgency and it’s the last letter in the acronym we should be concerned about. Because what a lot of people don’t realize is that Star Wars is heavily dependent on URGENCY.

Take a look at the first Star Wars – A New Hope. That film is pure urgency. It starts with a giant ship chasing a tiny ship. Two droids escape from that ship and the chase is on for the bad guys to capture them. Even as Luke and Obi-Wan are chilling in his bungalow, Darth Vader is fast closing in, determined to find the droids. And once our heroes end up at the Death Star, the urgency is ramped up ten-fold.

Empire Strikes Back takes a similar approach with Darth Vader on a relentless pursuit to find Luke Skywalker. And Return of the Jedi keeps the urgency at the forefront with the Rebels determined to take down the new Death Star before it becomes operational.

There are many problems with the prequels but the one that gets overlooked is the lack of urgency. I would argue it’s the primary reason why those films didn’t live up to the Star Wars name. There was some attempt at urgency in Phantom Menace with the threat of war on Naboo looming. But it went out the window when the characters got stuck on Tatooine, and later, Coruscant, seemingly with all the time in the world.

Attack of the Clones was the biggest offender, sending two of its characters, Anakin and Padme, to a planet where they could run around in fields and tell each other they loved each other for what seemed like years. I barely remember Episode 3, but from what I do remember, we have a time jump in the film. There should never ever be a time jump in a Star Wars film. It is the definition of non-urgent if you can take four months off in the middle of a story.

Then came Force Awakens. What was the defining storytelling component in that film? It was urgency. The script moved incredibly fast. I would argue too fast. But it’s not a surprise that that film was liked by so many. It brought back the key ingredient to successful Star Wars movies. Rogue One had some sense of urgency but not a lot. That may be why it’s seen as an average Star Wars film. And while Last Jedi had a ticking time bomb with the First Order chasing a Resistance ship, it was offset by the fact that it was a (purposefully) slow chase.

To summarize, the four most successful Star Wars movies (Star Wars, Empire, Jedi, and Force Awakens) all put a major emphasis on URGENCY, which is proof to me that urgency is an ingredient necessary to make Star Wars work. Which brings us to The Mandalorian TV show. TV shows are NOT about urgency. They can’t be. They don’t have the budget to continuously keep everyone moving. This is why so many scenes in TV shows are characters talking in rooms. The budget necessitates it.

Characters in a room is fine when the characters are great, when there’s an adequate amount of conflict, when the writers are utilizing subtext (there’s the scene we’re seeing and the scene that’s happening underneath the scene), when characters are faced with hard choices that go against their makeup, when characters are working through a problem with major consequences attached.

HOWEVER…

Is that Star Wars?

One of the major things that separates features from TV shows is urgency. Go watch any of your favorite movies. Because movies must conclude, there’s usually a force pushing the characters towards that conclusion. That force creates a sense of urgency. But TV shows don’t need to conclude. So any force is far off in the distance. There are ways to combat this, of course. You can create more immediate goals that keep your characters active in the present episode (“Go visit Krybor on the planet of Fizzlestrom. But hurry, he’s on his death bed.”). But, again, inevitably, TV has to put people in rooms talking without any urgency. And we’ve never seen Star Wars under these conditions.

There’s a bigger discussion to be had here that you’re probably picking up on. Features favor urgency. TV favors character development. But I believe that urgency helps EVERY story, regardless of format. If they had the money, more TV shows would try and inject urgency into their storylines. And there’s some that have. I didn’t watch 24 but I think every episode of that show had extreme urgency, right? That was part of its hook?

One of the reasons hospital shows do so well is there’s a built-in urgency to the formula. There’s always somebody coming through the ER who’s just been hit by a bus and will lose their face if Dr. Johnson doesn’t figure out a way to save it before the hour’s over. But even those shows can’t keep it up all the time. Go back and watch episodes of ER and you see tons of doctors sitting around talking about things.

You also have to understand how to implant urgency into a story. There are two factors to getting this right. The first is setting up the scenario. “If we don’t re-attach the patient’s face within the next hour, his body will reject it.” But the second is SELLING the scenario. If you set up the time-constraint but then no one mentions that they’re running out of time the rest of the episode, we’re not going to feel the urgency. This was the mistake Rian Johnson made in Last Jedi. Technically, the Resistance was running out of time. The First Order ship was going to catch them. But because the chase was literally in slow-motion, we never felt that urgency on the screen.

Now there are hacks you can use to trick the audience into feeling urgency during slow moments. For example, you can use something called “sandwiching” whereby you sandwich a slow scene in between an urgent storyline. I’ll use Star Wars as an example. You would show the Empire closing in on the droids before cutting to Luke and Obi-Wan having a talk about Luke’s father in Obi-Wan’s hut. There’s a tense undercurrent in us while we watch this scene because we just saw that the Empire is closing in the droids, and, by association, Luke and Obi-Wan. We know we’re getting closer to a conclusion on that pursuit, which makes us more willing to watch a slow scene.

But there are only so many hacks and tricks you can use before you’re putting people in rooms talking about their feelings, their pasts, other people, and philosophies – all stuff that can bring the entertainment level to a halt if the character writing isn’t up to par. And that’s what we’re going to find out next Tuesday. Can Star Wars exist under this new set of rules? It’s never been able to do it before. But who knows? Maybe the low-episode count allows them to build some urgency into the overall plot. Or maybe they have the money to keep the pace at a feature level.

But this remains my biggest concern going into the show. Is how they’re going to compensate for losing something that’s a core part of Star Wars’s DNA. We’ll find out next Tuesday when I talk about this and ALL the other writing choices made in the first episode of The Mandalorian!

Genre: Horror
Premise: A mysterious drifter gets stuck inside a Chuck E. Cheese like entertainment center called Wally’s Wonderland where the animatronic creatures come alive and kill.
About: It’s here. The single greatest Nic Cage movie that hasn’t been made yet. Wally’s Wonderland! An idea so fun it seems impossible no one’s come up with it yet. I guess the universe needed the idea to collide with a certain Direct-to-Digital icon before it was ready to unleash the greatest midnight horror film ever… that hasn’t been made yet. I read somewhere that the writer wanted to make “the ultimate B movie that was so absurd you had to tell your friends about it because of how stupidly awesome it was.” I admire a writer who knows exactly what he wants.
Writer: G.O. Parsons
Details: 93 pages

When one reads Wally’s Wonderland, one has to ask the question: “Will this be the greatest B-movie ever made?”

Nick Cage taking down an animatronic ostrich with a mop could be this generation’s cut yourself out of the inside of a shark with a chainsaw moment.

I can tell you something this script taught me right off the bat. It’s in reference to idea creation. There are big news stories in our pasts that just sort of came of nowhere and everyone talked about them. Then, just as quickly as they arrived, they disappeared. If you can identify one of these stories and find a movie idea for it, you’ve got something that already has “concept cache” because it’s been proven to capture peoples’ interest.

I remember those news stories about how pedophiles and sickos used to hang out at Chuck E. Cheese because that’s where all the kids were. Today’s script has taken that idea to the next level, centering around a group of these degenerates who sacrificed their souls in order to live on in animatronic form.

The Janitor is driving his jeep down a lone highway in Middle-of-Nowhere Nevada when, all of a sudden, all four wheels blow out at the same time, bringing him to a screechy scary stop. And yet the Janitor is unphased. By the way, it’s never clear if The Janitor is named The Janitor because he *is* a janitor or because he must become a janitor due to his circumstances. Such details are unimportant in Wally’s Wonderland.

A tow truck shows up and a man named Jed explains to The Janitor that the police were chasing someone the other week, put out one of those spike lines to blow the guy’s tires, and, wouldn’t you know it, forgot to recollect it! He takes The Janitor back to his garage where he gives him the damage – $1000. Unfortunately, Jed informs him, they don’t take credit cards. It’s clear that The Janitor doesn’t have cash on him so Jed offers an alternative.

Cut to Wally’s Wonderland, a long since closed-down Chuck E. Cheese knock-off. The owner, Tex Macadoo, is planning to reopen the place. But he needs someone to clean it up first, make it spick-and-span. If The Janitor is quick, Tex tells him, he should be able to finish the job by morning. The Janitor hasn’t said a word to anybody yet. He doesn’t even react. He just stares intensely at whoever’s talking to him.

Wally’s Wonderland is a freaking mess. Remnants of hundreds of sad 1990s birthday parties are scattered about haphazardly. And then there’s those rusty creepy animatronic dolls (Pirate Pete, Beary the Bear, Ozzie the Ostrich, and Wally the Weasel) up on stage. They stand there staring out at nothing. Or at least that’s what we think. What The Janitor doesn’t know is that Jed and Tex have locked him in the building. He’s about to be sacrificed to these animals… which are very much alive!

The first one, Ozzie the Ostrich, strikes almost immediately. But a strange thing happens when he attacks. Unlike the other humans who freak out and run and scream for their lives, The Janitor just stands there waiting for the Ostrich and then cracks him in the face with his mop. He then relentlessly beats him to a wirey pulp.

You’d think that after an animatronic Ostrich tried to kill you that you’d prepare for battle with the other three fake animals in the room. But not The Janitor. He simply goes back to work, determined to clean the place up before dawn.

Meanwhile, a group of high school kids led by a girl named Liv head to Wally’s World to burn it down. They know the town sacrifices people in there and they’re going to put a stop to it. But first they have to get The Janitor out of there. So they head up to the roof where they’re able to gain access inside. Once in, however, things don’t go according to plan. The animatronic animals are more than happy to fatten up on young human flesh.

Strangely, The Janitor doesn’t care. He really really really wants to clean. Unless a kid being eaten is directly in the way of doing his job, he ignores them. It’s not clear whether The Janitor doesn’t realize he’s been conned or if he knows he’s been conned but still wants to clean the place. Either answer is acceptable to me.

You know where this is headed. The whole time, Wally the Weasel has been sitting atop his stage perch, awaiting all his other minions to take their shot at the Janitor. And when they fail, he must now get the job done himself. Nicholas Cage……….. vs. a 9 foot animatronic weasel. I’m going to ask you an honest question. Do you even need to go on with life after this battle? Cause I don’t think I do.

One of the first things I wondered before reading this was how is Nicholas Cage going to fight animatronic monsters for 90 minutes inside of five rooms? I was worried the flame was going to burn bright then go out before the second half.

So I liked what Parsons did. He brought in these high school kids. Not only did that give us more battles to show, but The Janitor plays an Equalizer-like character. He handles every attack with ease. So we needed characters who STRUGGLED to defeat these things to make it more interesting. Remember, that’s where you grab the viewer – when things are unknown. If we know our heroes are going to win every fight, there’s no conflict, there’s no uncertainty, and therefore there’s no tension. Bringing those kids in was key.

Also, if you have a character who’s as unstoppable as The Janitor is, you need to look for ways in the second half of the movie to handicap them. That way they don’t have access to their fighting superiority and you DO get uncertainty in their fights. When the town realizes that The Janitor is winning, they go back in, handcuff him, and leave him there so that he can be properly sacrificed. So now The Janitor has to fight with his hands tied behind his back! That’s smart screenwriting.

It also helps, in movies like this, if you can occasionally take us outside. Technically, you can keep everything inside. It’s certainly cheaper to do it that way. But even in script form, there’s a “claustrophobic” feeling that sets in if you’re not occasionally cutting away from the place. So it was good that we’d occasionally cut back to the bad guys. We even get one great scene where the bad guys are driving away only to see an animatronic penguin bash through their windshield and attack them.

This also allows you to cut out boring stuff. If we stayed inside the whole time, we’d have to show The Janitor after he killed someone or washing his hands or doing other boring things. By occasionally cutting outside, we could cut back to the Janitor all set up in a new spot to clean. It’s an aspect of screenwriting I don’t talk about much because it’s unsexy. But the advantage of cutting away to anything is that you can then jump forward in time to a story-convenient plot point once you come back to your A-story.

The only thing I’d probably change here is to have a little more fun with the animals’ personalities. Each animal should have a distinct approach and style and way they talk. This is a stupid example but if there was someone named “Cheaty Cheetah,” he might talk really really fast. Disney movies are good at this. In Zootopia, there was that scene at the DMV and they were stuck with a sloth who spoke at -50 miles per hour. This is such an absurd premise that you might as well lean all the way into it.

Either way, I had a lot of fun with this and I hope they figure out a way to have midnight showings in Los Angeles because that is exactly how this movie is meant to be enjoyed.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Handicap your hero as the script goes on! Whether your hero is as capable as Denzel Washington in The Equalizer or as outmatched as Bruce Willis in Die Hard, look for ways to handicap them as the story goes on so that their job gets tougher. The tougher it is, the more we’ll doubt they can succeed. That’s where you want your audience. You want them thinking, “There’s NO WAY they can pull this off.”