Okay, so here’s the deal. Pay attention! We’re going to do TWO MORE Amateur Showdowns after this one and that will wrap up 2019. The first of these will be an ACTION GENRE SHOWDOWN. That will take place on Friday, November 22. In order to be a part of that , you must have your action script sent to me by Thursday, November 21, 6:00 pm Pacific Time. All action hybrid genres can compete. Straight Action, Action-Comedy, Action-Thriller, Action-Sci-fi. Send’em on in!

Then, on Friday, December 13th, we’re going to have the HOLIDAY GENRE SHOWDOWN. If you have a holiday-themed script, send it on in. And since you have over a month, if you’ve got a good holiday script concept, maybe try and write it. It was just the other week that a script that was written in a single week won. So it’s certainly possible something written in a month can claim top prize. The deadline for that one is Thursday, December 12th, 6:00 pm Pacific Time.

Amateur Showdown is a bi-weekly screenplay tournament where I pick five scripts that were submitted to me and then you, the readers of this site, read as much of each script as possible and vote for your favorite in the comments section. The winner will receive a review the following Friday that could result in props from your peers, representation, a spot on one of the big end-of-the-year screenwriting lists, and in rare cases, a SALE!

In order to participate, e-mail me at carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Include in the e-mail the script title, the genre, a logline, and a pitch to myself and potential readers why you believe your script deserves a shot. It could be long, short, passionate, to-the-point. Whatever you think will convince someone your script is worth opening, make your case. Just like Hollywood, the Scriptshadow readers are a fickle bunch. So be convincing!

In the meantime, here are THIS WEEK’S entries. I think we’ve got a few good ones in here. Good luck to all!

Title: THE HUNTED
Genre: Social Commentary/Zombie-Horror
Logline: When a virus turns all males into feral zombies known as predators, a mother and her daughter become their prey and must evade capture while crossing the Australian desert to reach an alleged safe house.
Why You Should Read: Readers beware, there’s a new type of zombie on the horizon and it’s unlike anything you’ve seen before….

Several months ago now, my horror script ‘Raw Meat’ won the Amateur Friday Showdown, and it even managed to crack Carson’s Top Ten Amateur Scripts of the Year (number eight). ‘The Hunted’ is my latest horror script. In the zombie film premise, I saw a chance to explore the current social divide that exists between men and women, a divide culminating in the #MeToo movement. This is a fast-paced zombie flick, with a twist on the zombie premise that actually has something to say. Plenty of scares, my best character work yet, and an easy read are just some of the reasons to flip it open and give it a try.

Title: BORED TO LIFE
Genre: Dramedy
Logline: A mysterious runaway teenage girl helps a lonely, sugar-addicted ex-military man to rekindle with the love of his life, in exchange for a place to stay.
Why You Should Read: I’m well aware that ‘mysterious’ is vague, but the character lies about her identity a lot and it’s the biggest reveal of the story, amongst many other twists and turns. I didn’t want to spoil it for the sake of the logline. Maybe I’m wrong, you tell me…

In this story, the duo works well because of their differences, that much-needed contrast that makes an unusual relationship memorable. They’re quirky and fun, full of personality, share chemistry, and are both lying through their teeth, which makes them both entertainingly unreliable until the truth reveals itself. — The script has been praised for its voice and humor. It’s right there from the first scene if you don’t believe it. If you don’t laugh or smile at the introductory scene, stop reading… but you won’t! Hopefully… Thanks :)

Title: Palomino
Genre: Crime-Thriller/Drama
Logline: Determined to stay straight, an ex-con becomes bodyguard to a wealthy couple, but is soon caught up in a dangerous game when he’s blackmailed into committing crimes on their behalf.
Why You Should Read: On the surface, Palomino is a slow burn neo-noir, but underneath, it’s also a bittersweet, haunting love story. Inspired by the films and visual flair of Nicolas Winding Refn and David Fincher, Palomino features compelling characters and an unforgettable climax. — Palomino came about during my recent professional breakthrough as a screenwriter. I’ve been a struggling writer for years. And although I’m still not repped, my drama screenplay was recently filmed with some great name talent! We’re currently looking for a distributor. — On set, a story idea I had been playing with came into focus on our main location, which I thought was the perfect setting for a neo-noir. Later, outlining the first draft, I religiously read and re-read Carson’s posts on structure and character. I hope I’ve properly utilized some of his wisdom here. — Thank you to all who read it, and a big thanks to Carson for his site and invaluable advice over the years.

Title: Renaissance Men
Genre: Action, Comedy
Logline: In 16th-century Rome, astronomical badass Nicolaus Copernicus seeks papal approval for his radical new theory about the universe, but after he’s framed for the Pope’s kidnapping, he’ll risk his life and legacy to track down the real abductors.
Why You Should Read: I’ve always loved history. I just wish it could be funnier. If I had a time machine, I probably wouldn’t use it kill baby Hitler. Instead, I’d just swap him with baby Charlie Chaplin who was born a mere four days earlier. But since the latest version of Final Draft is easier to get my hands on than a functioning time machine, I decided to write Renaissance Men. A hilarious adventure that pits some of Renaissance Europe’s biggest egos including Copernicus, Machiavelli, Nostradamus and Michelangelo against each other in a high stakes game of cat and mouse.

I had many reasons why I wanted to write this. First, I knew it would be a lot of fun. Second, I was sure I could generate a ton of laughs. And last but not least, because a story about how the rich and powerful will cover up scientific truth to protect their political interests is even more relevant today than it was 500 years ago.

Title: Lifted
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Upon landing for her business trip in a personal s@#%-storm, a woman climbs into the wrong Lyft and finds herself at the mercy of an unknown driver.
Why You Should Read: After grabbing a Lyft from the chaos that is JFK on a Friday night, the thought of “what if this wasn’t my ride” hit like a sledgehammer. Drowsy after a six-hour flight. In the dark trying to spot license plates that all look the same, maybe a number or letter off from one another. This easily could not be my ride, and if it isn’t, who is this guy driving me? Does anyone know I’m in this guy’s car, at this moment? Or am I lost, potentially forever if the driver so desires?

The driver asks me if the address I give him is in Bushwick. This is my third time in New York, first time visiting this buddy at this apartment so I don’t know. How easy would it be for this guy to drive me to the wrong street, put me in a situation I could never fathom.

Fifteen minutes of typing out these thoughts on my phone while my girlfriend stared at me like I was a lunatic turned the rest of vacation into figuring out this story.

LIFTED is a contained thriller, somewhere between Locke and Buried, and hopefully just as produceable as the two. It feeds off the rideshare setting which has yet to fully be tapped for its dramatic potential. I hope LIFTED may generate an onslaught of creativity in utilizing the setting and showing just how strange rideshare can be in comparison to its predecessors.

I hope you find the above interesting enough to crack LIFTED open. If not, thank you for even the momentary passing thought. I appreciate all notes, good and bad and everything in-between.

Thank you again for giving LIFTED the time of day.

P.S. Since someone may bring it up/ask, I didn’t go with LYFTED because I knew that, in the long run, the film would never reach the screen with that title. I worked relatively close to a previous film that had some issues with the rideshare business including the use of IP. So, to compromise, I went with LIFTED, as in steal.

There have been a lot of people championing the arrival of live-action Star Wars in the TV format, including myself (The Mandalorian arrives next Tuesday!). A large contingent of Star Wars fans are frustrated with where the films have gone and their hope is that TV will infuse Star Wars with fresh energy. In particular, it will allow them to flesh out characters and build some real depth into the universe.

However, there’s a potential pitfall awaiting The Mandalorian that I’ve been worried about ever since a TV show was announced. It has a connection to the Scriptshadow triumvirate, our famous three-ingredient rule for screenwriting success – GSU. GSU stands for goal, stakes, and urgency and it’s the last letter in the acronym we should be concerned about. Because what a lot of people don’t realize is that Star Wars is heavily dependent on URGENCY.

Take a look at the first Star Wars – A New Hope. That film is pure urgency. It starts with a giant ship chasing a tiny ship. Two droids escape from that ship and the chase is on for the bad guys to capture them. Even as Luke and Obi-Wan are chilling in his bungalow, Darth Vader is fast closing in, determined to find the droids. And once our heroes end up at the Death Star, the urgency is ramped up ten-fold.

Empire Strikes Back takes a similar approach with Darth Vader on a relentless pursuit to find Luke Skywalker. And Return of the Jedi keeps the urgency at the forefront with the Rebels determined to take down the new Death Star before it becomes operational.

There are many problems with the prequels but the one that gets overlooked is the lack of urgency. I would argue it’s the primary reason why those films didn’t live up to the Star Wars name. There was some attempt at urgency in Phantom Menace with the threat of war on Naboo looming. But it went out the window when the characters got stuck on Tatooine, and later, Coruscant, seemingly with all the time in the world.

Attack of the Clones was the biggest offender, sending two of its characters, Anakin and Padme, to a planet where they could run around in fields and tell each other they loved each other for what seemed like years. I barely remember Episode 3, but from what I do remember, we have a time jump in the film. There should never ever be a time jump in a Star Wars film. It is the definition of non-urgent if you can take four months off in the middle of a story.

Then came Force Awakens. What was the defining storytelling component in that film? It was urgency. The script moved incredibly fast. I would argue too fast. But it’s not a surprise that that film was liked by so many. It brought back the key ingredient to successful Star Wars movies. Rogue One had some sense of urgency but not a lot. That may be why it’s seen as an average Star Wars film. And while Last Jedi had a ticking time bomb with the First Order chasing a Resistance ship, it was offset by the fact that it was a (purposefully) slow chase.

To summarize, the four most successful Star Wars movies (Star Wars, Empire, Jedi, and Force Awakens) all put a major emphasis on URGENCY, which is proof to me that urgency is an ingredient necessary to make Star Wars work. Which brings us to The Mandalorian TV show. TV shows are NOT about urgency. They can’t be. They don’t have the budget to continuously keep everyone moving. This is why so many scenes in TV shows are characters talking in rooms. The budget necessitates it.

Characters in a room is fine when the characters are great, when there’s an adequate amount of conflict, when the writers are utilizing subtext (there’s the scene we’re seeing and the scene that’s happening underneath the scene), when characters are faced with hard choices that go against their makeup, when characters are working through a problem with major consequences attached.

HOWEVER…

Is that Star Wars?

One of the major things that separates features from TV shows is urgency. Go watch any of your favorite movies. Because movies must conclude, there’s usually a force pushing the characters towards that conclusion. That force creates a sense of urgency. But TV shows don’t need to conclude. So any force is far off in the distance. There are ways to combat this, of course. You can create more immediate goals that keep your characters active in the present episode (“Go visit Krybor on the planet of Fizzlestrom. But hurry, he’s on his death bed.”). But, again, inevitably, TV has to put people in rooms talking without any urgency. And we’ve never seen Star Wars under these conditions.

There’s a bigger discussion to be had here that you’re probably picking up on. Features favor urgency. TV favors character development. But I believe that urgency helps EVERY story, regardless of format. If they had the money, more TV shows would try and inject urgency into their storylines. And there’s some that have. I didn’t watch 24 but I think every episode of that show had extreme urgency, right? That was part of its hook?

One of the reasons hospital shows do so well is there’s a built-in urgency to the formula. There’s always somebody coming through the ER who’s just been hit by a bus and will lose their face if Dr. Johnson doesn’t figure out a way to save it before the hour’s over. But even those shows can’t keep it up all the time. Go back and watch episodes of ER and you see tons of doctors sitting around talking about things.

You also have to understand how to implant urgency into a story. There are two factors to getting this right. The first is setting up the scenario. “If we don’t re-attach the patient’s face within the next hour, his body will reject it.” But the second is SELLING the scenario. If you set up the time-constraint but then no one mentions that they’re running out of time the rest of the episode, we’re not going to feel the urgency. This was the mistake Rian Johnson made in Last Jedi. Technically, the Resistance was running out of time. The First Order ship was going to catch them. But because the chase was literally in slow-motion, we never felt that urgency on the screen.

Now there are hacks you can use to trick the audience into feeling urgency during slow moments. For example, you can use something called “sandwiching” whereby you sandwich a slow scene in between an urgent storyline. I’ll use Star Wars as an example. You would show the Empire closing in on the droids before cutting to Luke and Obi-Wan having a talk about Luke’s father in Obi-Wan’s hut. There’s a tense undercurrent in us while we watch this scene because we just saw that the Empire is closing in the droids, and, by association, Luke and Obi-Wan. We know we’re getting closer to a conclusion on that pursuit, which makes us more willing to watch a slow scene.

But there are only so many hacks and tricks you can use before you’re putting people in rooms talking about their feelings, their pasts, other people, and philosophies – all stuff that can bring the entertainment level to a halt if the character writing isn’t up to par. And that’s what we’re going to find out next Tuesday. Can Star Wars exist under this new set of rules? It’s never been able to do it before. But who knows? Maybe the low-episode count allows them to build some urgency into the overall plot. Or maybe they have the money to keep the pace at a feature level.

But this remains my biggest concern going into the show. Is how they’re going to compensate for losing something that’s a core part of Star Wars’s DNA. We’ll find out next Tuesday when I talk about this and ALL the other writing choices made in the first episode of The Mandalorian!

Genre: Horror
Premise: A mysterious drifter gets stuck inside a Chuck E. Cheese like entertainment center called Wally’s Wonderland where the animatronic creatures come alive and kill.
About: It’s here. The single greatest Nic Cage movie that hasn’t been made yet. Wally’s Wonderland! An idea so fun it seems impossible no one’s come up with it yet. I guess the universe needed the idea to collide with a certain Direct-to-Digital icon before it was ready to unleash the greatest midnight horror film ever… that hasn’t been made yet. I read somewhere that the writer wanted to make “the ultimate B movie that was so absurd you had to tell your friends about it because of how stupidly awesome it was.” I admire a writer who knows exactly what he wants.
Writer: G.O. Parsons
Details: 93 pages

When one reads Wally’s Wonderland, one has to ask the question: “Will this be the greatest B-movie ever made?”

Nick Cage taking down an animatronic ostrich with a mop could be this generation’s cut yourself out of the inside of a shark with a chainsaw moment.

I can tell you something this script taught me right off the bat. It’s in reference to idea creation. There are big news stories in our pasts that just sort of came of nowhere and everyone talked about them. Then, just as quickly as they arrived, they disappeared. If you can identify one of these stories and find a movie idea for it, you’ve got something that already has “concept cache” because it’s been proven to capture peoples’ interest.

I remember those news stories about how pedophiles and sickos used to hang out at Chuck E. Cheese because that’s where all the kids were. Today’s script has taken that idea to the next level, centering around a group of these degenerates who sacrificed their souls in order to live on in animatronic form.

The Janitor is driving his jeep down a lone highway in Middle-of-Nowhere Nevada when, all of a sudden, all four wheels blow out at the same time, bringing him to a screechy scary stop. And yet the Janitor is unphased. By the way, it’s never clear if The Janitor is named The Janitor because he *is* a janitor or because he must become a janitor due to his circumstances. Such details are unimportant in Wally’s Wonderland.

A tow truck shows up and a man named Jed explains to The Janitor that the police were chasing someone the other week, put out one of those spike lines to blow the guy’s tires, and, wouldn’t you know it, forgot to recollect it! He takes The Janitor back to his garage where he gives him the damage – $1000. Unfortunately, Jed informs him, they don’t take credit cards. It’s clear that The Janitor doesn’t have cash on him so Jed offers an alternative.

Cut to Wally’s Wonderland, a long since closed-down Chuck E. Cheese knock-off. The owner, Tex Macadoo, is planning to reopen the place. But he needs someone to clean it up first, make it spick-and-span. If The Janitor is quick, Tex tells him, he should be able to finish the job by morning. The Janitor hasn’t said a word to anybody yet. He doesn’t even react. He just stares intensely at whoever’s talking to him.

Wally’s Wonderland is a freaking mess. Remnants of hundreds of sad 1990s birthday parties are scattered about haphazardly. And then there’s those rusty creepy animatronic dolls (Pirate Pete, Beary the Bear, Ozzie the Ostrich, and Wally the Weasel) up on stage. They stand there staring out at nothing. Or at least that’s what we think. What The Janitor doesn’t know is that Jed and Tex have locked him in the building. He’s about to be sacrificed to these animals… which are very much alive!

The first one, Ozzie the Ostrich, strikes almost immediately. But a strange thing happens when he attacks. Unlike the other humans who freak out and run and scream for their lives, The Janitor just stands there waiting for the Ostrich and then cracks him in the face with his mop. He then relentlessly beats him to a wirey pulp.

You’d think that after an animatronic Ostrich tried to kill you that you’d prepare for battle with the other three fake animals in the room. But not The Janitor. He simply goes back to work, determined to clean the place up before dawn.

Meanwhile, a group of high school kids led by a girl named Liv head to Wally’s World to burn it down. They know the town sacrifices people in there and they’re going to put a stop to it. But first they have to get The Janitor out of there. So they head up to the roof where they’re able to gain access inside. Once in, however, things don’t go according to plan. The animatronic animals are more than happy to fatten up on young human flesh.

Strangely, The Janitor doesn’t care. He really really really wants to clean. Unless a kid being eaten is directly in the way of doing his job, he ignores them. It’s not clear whether The Janitor doesn’t realize he’s been conned or if he knows he’s been conned but still wants to clean the place. Either answer is acceptable to me.

You know where this is headed. The whole time, Wally the Weasel has been sitting atop his stage perch, awaiting all his other minions to take their shot at the Janitor. And when they fail, he must now get the job done himself. Nicholas Cage……….. vs. a 9 foot animatronic weasel. I’m going to ask you an honest question. Do you even need to go on with life after this battle? Cause I don’t think I do.

One of the first things I wondered before reading this was how is Nicholas Cage going to fight animatronic monsters for 90 minutes inside of five rooms? I was worried the flame was going to burn bright then go out before the second half.

So I liked what Parsons did. He brought in these high school kids. Not only did that give us more battles to show, but The Janitor plays an Equalizer-like character. He handles every attack with ease. So we needed characters who STRUGGLED to defeat these things to make it more interesting. Remember, that’s where you grab the viewer – when things are unknown. If we know our heroes are going to win every fight, there’s no conflict, there’s no uncertainty, and therefore there’s no tension. Bringing those kids in was key.

Also, if you have a character who’s as unstoppable as The Janitor is, you need to look for ways in the second half of the movie to handicap them. That way they don’t have access to their fighting superiority and you DO get uncertainty in their fights. When the town realizes that The Janitor is winning, they go back in, handcuff him, and leave him there so that he can be properly sacrificed. So now The Janitor has to fight with his hands tied behind his back! That’s smart screenwriting.

It also helps, in movies like this, if you can occasionally take us outside. Technically, you can keep everything inside. It’s certainly cheaper to do it that way. But even in script form, there’s a “claustrophobic” feeling that sets in if you’re not occasionally cutting away from the place. So it was good that we’d occasionally cut back to the bad guys. We even get one great scene where the bad guys are driving away only to see an animatronic penguin bash through their windshield and attack them.

This also allows you to cut out boring stuff. If we stayed inside the whole time, we’d have to show The Janitor after he killed someone or washing his hands or doing other boring things. By occasionally cutting outside, we could cut back to the Janitor all set up in a new spot to clean. It’s an aspect of screenwriting I don’t talk about much because it’s unsexy. But the advantage of cutting away to anything is that you can then jump forward in time to a story-convenient plot point once you come back to your A-story.

The only thing I’d probably change here is to have a little more fun with the animals’ personalities. Each animal should have a distinct approach and style and way they talk. This is a stupid example but if there was someone named “Cheaty Cheetah,” he might talk really really fast. Disney movies are good at this. In Zootopia, there was that scene at the DMV and they were stuck with a sloth who spoke at -50 miles per hour. This is such an absurd premise that you might as well lean all the way into it.

Either way, I had a lot of fun with this and I hope they figure out a way to have midnight showings in Los Angeles because that is exactly how this movie is meant to be enjoyed.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Handicap your hero as the script goes on! Whether your hero is as capable as Denzel Washington in The Equalizer or as outmatched as Bruce Willis in Die Hard, look for ways to handicap them as the story goes on so that their job gets tougher. The tougher it is, the more we’ll doubt they can succeed. That’s where you want your audience. You want them thinking, “There’s NO WAY they can pull this off.”

Genre: Thriller/Drama
Premise: A mysterious loner heads to Muscle Beach in 1985 to pursue a career as a competitive bodybuilder. Struggling to transform his physique, he unleashes a darker side of himself as he descends into madness.
About: This script finished #2 on this year’s Blood List, which celebrates the best horror, thriller, and sci-fi scripts of the year. The writer, Stephen Vitale, will also be directing the film.
Writer: Stephen Vitale
Details: 102 pages

I’m conflicted about Apex.

On its face, it’s one of those dark intense character studies that always seem to climb their way onto the Black List. Nightcrawler came to mind. And, of course, Joker.

However, after seeing Joker just a few weeks ago, it’s hard for anything else in the same mould to live up to it. You’re constantly comparing what they did right to what this script did wrong. And that’s not to say it was a bad script. In fact, as I was reading it, a sort of “seeing the Matrix” moment occurred to me where I understood exactly how to write these dark character pieces.

Create a character who’s unable to connect with the world. Then simply give them an unhealthy obsession. With Joker it was comedy. With Nightcrawler it was nightcrawling. With this script it’s bodybuilding. And then you just sort of show them spiraling out of control as the script goes on. I just gave you the formula to get on the Black List boys and girls. So get to it!

But what Apex made me realize is that there are very important areas of these scripts that you have to get right in order for them to work. And Apex makes a pretty big miscalculation early on that keeps it out of the same orbit as those two great scripts.

Caleb is a 28 year old scrawny kid who’s just moved to Los Angeles in 1985 to become a bodybuilder. The guy’s so dedicated he showed up here without a dollar to his name. He immediately heads to a gym called Flexion, run by the famous (to Caleb at least) Barry Yates. Caleb tells Barry he’ll work for free if Barry can teach him how to be a bodybuilder.

For a guy so determined to become a bodybuilder, Caleb knows next to nothing about the craft. So between sweeping the floor, he watches other people work out and takes notes. Also, since Caleb doesn’t have anywhere to sleep, he sneakily outfits the Flexion storage room into an apartment.

As Caleb takes in all the beauty of Los Angeles, he finds himself hating everyone he sees. It isn’t clear why. It may be because he couldn’t get an erection on a date with a ballerina. But, for whatever reason, Caleb becomes enraged at the world. Then one night he kills a homeless man and becomes addicted to killing.

Caleb’s appetite for killing increases along with his size. The bigger he gets, the more he kills. And this is 1985 so it’s like taking candy from a baby. They haven’t even invented DNA evidence yet! Eventually, Caleb starts working construction and can pay for an actual apartment. He ends up moving into a woman’s garage, who he soon learns is a DOM who works out of her living room. Because of the amount of power she displays, she is the only person Caleb respects.

As is usually the case with these serial killer types, Caleb keeps pushing the envelope, getting sloppier and sloppier with his kills. Finally, he decides that he should tackle his “white whale,” a clear stand-in for Arnold Schwarzenegger (hey! A tie-in to yesterday’s review!). But the only way he can get close to him is if he goes to one of Arnold’s big Hollywood parties. Will he be able to take him out in front of all those people? We’re going to find out!

For starters, I liked this concept. I like that we’re getting the first script out of a million about a character moving to Los Angeles NOT for acting, directing, or writing… but for bodybuilding. It was nice to see a twist on that old trope. It immediately helped the script stand out.

And Vitale does a great job setting his world up. He gives us lots of imagery that puts us in 1985 Venice (*STREET ARTISTS arrange items for sale on folding tables. *BREAK DANCERS lay out flattened boxes to set their stage. *ROLLER SKATERS weave around like a traveling party. *SUNGLASS WEARING PIT BULL waddles by with his owner. A constantly evolving circus – can drive a certain mind mad.). You can tell this writer thinks in images. And that’s obviously important for when you’re writing description.

But I immediately started to see cracks. And, again, it’s unfortunate that I’m reading this script with Joker still fresh in my mind because how can it compare? The biggest thing is that they made you care for Arthur in Joker. The world was so incredibly cruel to him that right up until he started killing people, we were rooting for him. And some people kept rooting for him after he killed people. That’s how much effort was put into making sure we rooted for the protagonist.

You don’t get anything like that here. Caleb is pretty much an a#$hole from the start. He doesn’t garner any sympathy from us. He’s judgmental. He’s mean to others. And then he starts getting really mad for reasons that weren’t clear, leaving me to think that the only reason he was mad was because the writer needed him to be for the story to work.

Think about Arthur’s first kill. We don’t question why he killed. We see how cruel everyone’s been to him. We’re surprised it took him this long. Caleb, on the other hand, kills a homeless guy because… I’m not sure. Cause he just felt the need to kill I guess.

It’s so important in character pieces that character actions feel authentic. That’s the allure of character pieces. Is to watch someone encounter obstacles or darkness and to see how they handle it. But that’s the thing. There was no obstacle here. Caleb brought this world upon himself for reasons that were never made clear to the reader.

Let me give you a more specific example about authenticity. Caleb goes on that date with the ballerina, can’t get it up, then goes into the bathroom later in the night and just smashes his head into the mirror. I suppose you can argue that there’s cause and effect here. But it honestly just felt like the writer wanted one of those dream actor moments where they look at themselves in the mirror then break it. It didn’t feel organic.

Compare that to the moment between Arthur and Sophie in the elevator. She’s dealing with her kid, they share a look with each other, and Sophie mimes shooting herself in the head. After they get out of the elevator, Arthur, infused by the rare connection with another human, calls to her after he’s 20 steps down the hallway. She turns around and Arthur awkwardly repeats the gesture, miming shooting himself in the head with a smile.

Notice how one of those moments you can see in a thousand movies. And the other you only saw in Joker. That’s a major professional writing distinction. Veteran screenwriters they find those unique moments instead of relying on the same bag of tricks every other writer has access to.

Finally, you had the voice over. Voice over is a weird device. It seems that only beginner writers and really experienced writers use it. Nobody in between. Most writers know that voice over is a crutch. It’s a cheat way to give the audience information about the character since they can just talk about what they’re feeling. But I still find that unless you’ve been around the block and know the specific instances where voice over works, not to mess with it. Because think about Joker and Nightcrawler. Neither of those movies would’ve worked with voice over. The very fact that we only get to know those characters through what they say and what they do allows them to keep a sense of mystery. You lose that once you go full voice over, like Caleb here.

It’s frustrating. This script has some elements in it that show potential. I know actors love these roles, where they get to transform into a monster both mentally AND physically. Toxic masculinity is an easy sell in this environment, another marketing advantage of this project. But there was something about the execution that was too on-the-nose for my taste. See a mirror, slam your face in it. See a downed pigeon, pick it up, stare at it, snap its neck. We get it. He’s an angry killer. What tends to make these characters interesting is the conflict inside them. Arthur WANTS to connect. But he fails at it. Caleb wants to kill so he starts killing. There’s no resistance in him or from the world.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Think like a director when you’re first describing your world. What are the shots that would sell that world? Vitale showed me how doing so helps paint a picture of the world we’re entering.

What I learned 2: It’s a huge advantage if you can pitch your script as the “X” version of “latest big hit.” The pitch for Apex is one of the easiest I’ve ever come across, even if the writer lucked into it. Apex is “Joker but in the bodybuilding world.” It’s even set in the same time period! Hey, nothing wrong with taking advantage of a little luck!

Make sure to check your Inboxes as the new Scriptshadow Newsletter should be there!

Genre: Science-Fiction
Premise: A young woman in Mexico City is hunted down by a killing machine from the future. She must team up with another woman from the future who’s sworn to protect her.
About: Terminator Dark Fate has a little extra shine on it compared to recent Terminator entries as it brings in Deadpool director Tim Miller to direct and Terminator creator James Cameron to write and produce. The always forthcoming Cameron said earlier this week that blood was spilled in the editing room between him and Miller and that that’s what the creative process is all about. The reason there are so many writers attached to this movie is that Cameron put together a big writing room to map out a trilogy.
Writers: James Cameron, Charles Eglee, Josh Friedman, David Goyer, Justin Rhodes, Billy Ray, and Gale Anne Hurd
Details: 128 minutes

I’m about to surprise you.

I liked Terminator: Dark Fate.

Here’s the thing with this movie. There’s so much hoop-jumping that needs to be done in order to explain the complex Terminator timeline that you’re either going to go with it or not. I would recommend not watching any Terminator movies in the lead up to this one. Cause then you’re going to be thinking about the rules in those films and how they contradict the rules in this one and you’re not going to enjoy yourself.

I hadn’t seen Terminator 2 in a long enough time where I didn’t remember everything. And so whenever someone referred to time travel here in a way that might’ve conflicted with the previous movies, I just gave Dark Fate the benefit of the doubt. Because once you give in to this movie, you realize it’s really fun. And it moves like lightning. They did a tremendous job plotting this script.

That doesn’t mean I liked everything. (major spoiler) I was shocked, at the beginning of the film, that James Cameron would kill off 13 year old John Connor. It was such an odd choice that I assumed we were watching a dream sequence. Cameron has gone on record as being devastated that Alien 3 killed off Newt. Yet he does the exact same thing here with Connor. I get why it was necessary. Killing off John opens up a ton of other story options, which they take advantage of. But if you really planned for this to become a part of the Terminator franchise, how could you in good faith advocate for something that would make the best movie in franchise pointless should the viewer pop in Dark Fate right afterwards?

I got over it quickly, though.

This movie has such momentum to it. Once it starts, it never stops. And while a lot of people are dinging it for its “Force Awakens” approach to storytelling, I’d argue this is a much more complicated movie than Terminator 2. I’m not saying it’s better. But there are a lot more moving parts. You’ve got a hybrid human, a girl who’s being saved, a Terminator-hunter, a new Terminator, and an old Terminator. And we’re not being chased around California. We’re in a totally different country. And that gave the film its own distinct flavor.

I loved that right when the movie was about to hit a lag, we introduced Arnold at the midpoint. It was the perfect way to infuse the movie with some fresh energy. A lot of movies fall apart around the midpoint because they don’t know how to both continue the story they’ve been telling yet also introduce new elements that make the story feel different from the first half. Throwing Arnold’s T-800 in there was the perfect way to achieve this.

And the script always seemed to have a nice dynamic with the characters. Nobody ever completely trusted each other which infused every scene with conflict or subtext or dramatic irony. Sarah Connor hates the Arnold Terminator with a passion because he killed her son! Yet they have to work together to destroy a bigger threat. That’s how you create conflict between characters.

With that said, Arnold’s part never quite fit into the story. And you could feel the writers battling that the whole time. The problem was that this wasn’t the Terminator from Terminator 2. This was a separate Terminator. This essentially made him a rando but you don’t have a Terminator movie without Arnold so you have to find a way to fit him into the story, even if that means creating a storyline by which a Terminator likes to text.

The whole thing got me thinking about screenwriting on a macro scale. And how every script has its “Dark Fate Arnold” problem. Every script has some major component that doesn’t necessarily work but you have to make it work. I remember watching an interview with Geroge Lucas where he talked about writing the scene in Return of the Jedi where Luke tells Leia that she’s his sister. He hated the fact that he had to write that scene. The audience already knew it so the only reason your’e writing it is because it wouldn’t make sense that Luke wouldn’t tell his sister she was his sister when they saw each other.

That’s the kind of stuff I mean. You’d prefer not to write it but you have to figure out a way to get it in there because it’s essential for your movie to work. And when you become a professional screenwriter, you have to be really good at this. Cause there will be a time where you’re pitching yourself for a Terminator-like screenplay and they’re going to say to you: “And how do you plan to include Arnold in the story?” And you’re going to reply, “But Arnold is 80 years old.” “Yeah, but he needs to be in the movie.” You have to figure something out. That’s what screenwriting boils down to. Creative problem-solving.

I was also surprised so many people disliked the main girl in this – the one who the Terminator is targeting. I liked her arc as a character. How she’s this nobody who’s terrified of everything and then she eventually becomes the opposite. And I loved how they played off our (spoiler) expectations that she was pregnant, just like Sarah Connor, only for us to realize that she was the resistance leader herself. I thought that was really cool.

And I liked how they tied her future storyline to MacKenzie Davis’s human-hybrid character – how she saves her in the future. And I even love how they explain how she becomes the resistance leader at the end of the movie – Sarah Connor trains her. It was a surprisingly clever time circle.

I liked this so much that I actually think Linda Hamilton should be nominated for an Oscar. She deserves it because… okay, I’m just messing with on that one. But I did like this movie.

If they could’ve simplified the group a tad – not had so many people running around together. And they could’ve done a little better with the special effects – don’t get me started on that plane scene. This would’ve been a really great action movie. As it stands, it’s just a fun time at the movies. And that was enough for me when I saw it.

[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the price of admission
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Don’t get phased when you encounter that “insurmountable story problem” in your script. Every script has one. And part of the journey of writing each screenplay is conquering the mountain that is that “insurmountable story problem.” You might not figure it out until the sixth or seventh draft. But I can promise you when you do, you’re going to feel like a million dollars.