Here are the 2009 Black List scripts with my thoughts. Here is also a link to the list. It’s going to take me a good 4-5 hours to put up my thoughts on everything. I may put them up in increments or just one big chunk, so keep checking back in. I know a lot of you want me to post script links but in light of some of the recent controversy surrounding the site, I’m not going to. However, they *will* be posted somewhere. My advice is to dig around Nikki Finke’s site, Matriarchal Script Paradigm, or really any blog or site that has comments (look in my blog roll down and to the right), and comb through those puppies, as a big list of links will likely surface. Good luck!

Edit: If you are the writer or agent or manager or producer of any of these scripts and would like to add some more information (anything that’s interesting about the project, any extra key details, genre, a full synopsis, story behind the writer or the script, anything at all, please e-mail me and I’ll add accordingly: Carsonreeves1@gmail.com

2nd edit: Just added about 15 more to the list. Going to take a break. Next update will be roughly around 11:30pm Pacific time. Also, late tomorrow, I’m going to break down the list a little more, from agency to gender to genre, that kind of thing. So that should be fun. Oh, and I have word that there are people with all the Black List scripts. I anticipate they’ll be coming online soon, easily by the end of the day. You just have to keep looking around, cause I’m not going to post them. :)

1) The Muppet Man by Christopher Weekes – A look at Jim Henson’s life, the creator of the most famous puppet franchise of all time, The Muppets.

Thoughts: I have to say I’m a little surprised but also very happy this script is number 1. As I noted in my review, I wasn’t a huge fan of the first two acts of the script (not enough conflict in my eyes), but the last act is so fucking good that it makes you forget all that. I’d like to think Scriptshadow helped out here, as it maybe bumped up the profile of the script when it got reviewed, but you never know. The reason I’m surprised is that it did not make the Top 25 Reader Faves List. That’s the only reason I’m thrown that it landed the number 1 slot. Still, this is a good script to represent the top honor for the 2009 list.

Review is here.

2) The Social Network by Aaron Sorkin – A look at the rise of Facebook and the effect it’s had on its founders.

Thoughts: Well what can you say here. This is one of the script reviews that put Scriptshadow on the map. There was a lot of laughing from the movie industry at the thought of someone making a Facebook movie (and plenty of jokes were made at Sony’s expense) so when I received the script, I expected it to be the worst thing ever written. It turned out to be almost exactly the opposite. Just a great great script. I don’t know how much of an effect it had on the project, but there were certainly a lot less snarky internet comments after that. Its still not a cinematic script by any means, but that’s why you bring in David Fincher.

Review is here.

3) The Voices by Michael R. Perry – Jerry, a schizophrenic worker at a bathtub factory, accidentally kills an attractive woman from accounting. While trying to cover his bloody tracks, Jerry starts taking advice from his talking (and foul-mouthed) cat and dog.

Thoughts: This is a script someone told me to read months ago but I was either too busy or falsely heard it was a standard horror film or something, but it didn’t sound interesting at the time. In the last week alone I’ve heard about ten people tell me I have to read it. With that logline, you can bet I’m going to. Sounds deliciously wacky. This will be one of the first ones I review.

No review.

4) Prisoners – When his young daughter and her best friend vanish on Thanksgiving Day, Keller Dover takes matters into his own hands, imprisoning and torturing the man who he thinks did it. But does he have the wrong man?

Thoughts: Prisoners by Aaron Guzikowski is a script I liked, but didn’t quite love. Its strength is its pitch-perfect dark tone, but it’s a little messy in places, particularly in the end, where it seems to pay off things that were never set up. The thing I find most fascinating about Prisoners is that it was probably the hottest spec screenplay all year, and yet for a long time, because they couldn’t get the right attachments, it didn’t sell. First time screenwriter Aaron Guzikowski must have been fucking flipping out. I mean, they can assure you all they want that everything will eventually work out, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be waiting in those shoes for all those months. In the end he won out though, landing a million dollar sale.

No review (taken down for various reasons)

5. Cedar Rapids by Phil Johnston – A small town insurance salesman heads off to the “big city” of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to try and save his company.

Thoughts: Cedar Rapids was another nice little script, however this is another screenplay I’m surprised landed so high. The first act put me off because of what seemed like the cliche “Midwesterners are idiots” angle. But once you get used to the writing style and Johnston’s voice, the script just gets better and better. As others have mentioned, the casting here with Ed Helms and Sigourney Weaver (to start) is really really good. Go ahead and read the review for yourself.

Review.

6) Londongrad by David Scarpa – This is an adaptation of the Alan Cowell book, “The Terminal Spy: A True Story of Espionage, Betrayal and Murder” which is supposedly about the death of that soviet spy who was poisoned by radioactive tea.

Thoughts: Don’t have much to say about this one because I’d never heard of it before today’s list. It’s not really my thing so if this does get reviewed on the site, it probably won’t be for awhile.

no review

7) L.A. Rex by Will Beall (based on his novel of the same name) – Rookie LAPD officer Ben Halloran gets partnered with scarred and tobacco-spitting Officer Marquez, and the unlikely team hit the streets of L.A. on the brink of a gang-rivalry explosion amid run-ins with the Mexican mafia, brutal gang murders, and corrupt cops.

Thoughts: Beall is a former LAPD homicide detective and on the LAPD for ten years. He wrote this book while he was still on the job. Roger’s been jonezing to read this so I’d expect a review of this on Monday.

no review

8) Desperados by Ellen Rapoport – Wesley Robbins, a 30-something single attorney with an unhealthy obsession with coupling up, thinks she’s found the perfect man. But when he doesn’t call for days after the first time they sleep together she freaks out and sends him a scathing email, only to learn he’s been laid up in a Mexican hospital with some broken bones. On a whim, she and her girlfriends travel down south to erase the email before she ruins what she believes could be her one true love.

Thoughts: I’ve been hearing good things about what a lot of people have been calling, “The Female Version of The Hangover.” The premise sounds very similar to that Tom Green film “Roadtrip” from ten years back, as well as a few sit-com episodes, but by no means does that mean it can’t be hilarious. I definitely want to read this soon so expect a review in the coming week.

no review

9) The Gunslinger by John Hlavin – When a Texas Ranger is horrifically tortured and killed, his sharp-shooter older brother, Sam Lee Hensley, plots revenge against the mysterious, sadistic leader of a notorious drug cartel.

Thoughts: I actually started reading this once but it was a little slow and very dark so I put it down, promising to get to it later. It felt very “The Low Dweller,” and as those who read my review of that know, I wasn’t a big fan of that script. I would still like to get to this though, now that I’ve seen it made the Top 10. Hope it’s good.

no review

10-tie) By Way Of Helena by Matt Cook – Set in the south at the turn of the century, Texas Ranger David Kingston and his Mexican bride are sent down to the mysterious town of Helena to investigate the multiple Mexican bodies washing up in the river. What they discover is an idyllic-like town where everything is not as it seems.

Thoughts: This is another one of those scripts that sounds, from its description like it could be incredibly boring or really cool. “Turn of the century” never inspires confidence in my “have to read” meter, but I love the idea of towns that have secrets. One of my favorite movies of all time is “The Sweet Hereafter” which is all about a town’s secrets. So if this is anything like that, I’m totally in.

no review.

10-tie) The Days Before by Chad St. John – A man from the future keeps hopping one successive day into the past, desperate to stop a vicious race of time-traveling aliens from wiping out humanity.

Thoughts: This is the only script I’ve read in the top 10 that I don’t agree with. My complaint isn’t in the script so much (which is fast paced and well-written) as it is the premise, which I never found myself buying. I can’t pinpoint anything specific about it, but this idea of this guy continually jumping one day back to stop aliens from invading felt…off. I kept thinking, “Why couldn’t they hop 100 days back, coming to the world’s leaders with photographic and video evidence they took from these previous attacks to prove that the aliens were coming, which would allow them to really be prepared for these things? I’m sure St. John would argue that I’m looking way too much into it for what should be simply a fun ride. And you know what? He’s probably right. I have about ten people I trust who all love this script. So I think I’m the odd man out here.

no review

11) DOC AND HOWIE WHACK A GRANNY by Steve Leff
Two men, Doc and Howie, inadvertently kill an elderly woman when they neglect to help her carry groceries up stairs. The incident puts them in position to get closer to the woman’s attractive granddaughters, and they struggle with deciding whether to tell the women the truth about the circumstances under which they met.

Thoughts: Well, it’s not exactly Shakespeare, but any comedy where the main hook is that someone dies is usually pretty good (Hello, Weekend at Bernies???). Haven’t read this but it will be on my immediate “To Read” list.

12 – tie) PAWN SACRIFICE by Steve Knight
The life story of chess legend Bobby Fischer leading up to his historic world
championship match against Boris Spassky.

Thoughts: Um, the greatest Bobby Fischer movie has already been made! The Search For Bobby Fischer! As you know, I’m no fan of the Biopic, but if you’re going to pick a figure’s life to detail, this odd chess genius turned recluse is a great place to start. Will likely read this soon.

12 – tie) WHEN CORRUPTION WAS KING by Frank Baldwin
A scrappy lawyer from Chicago’s South Side rises to be a trusted attorney for the
Outfit – the mob that controls the city through an elaborate web of bribery, voter rigging and violence – until he turns state’s witness and brings the whole corrupt
system to its knees.

Thoughts: Doesn’t really sound like my thing. But these types of scripts always seem to do well with the Black List voters. Probably won’t be reviewing this.

13) TOY’S HOUSE by Chris Galletta
When fourteen year old Joe Toy and his buddies tire of their parents overbearing ways,they decide to build their own house in the woods, away from the restraints of the lives they have come to know.

Thoughts: Wish they listed the genres with these. This can either be a dark indie tale a la Where The Wild Things Are or a family friendly film produced by Nickelodeon. Either way, I have to admit the premise sounds intriguing. I’d like to read this one.

14) MIXTAPE by Stacey Menear
A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to the deceased parents she
never knew, accidentally destroys it, and uses the song list to go on a journey to find all the music in an attempt to get to know her parents. (edit: Word is this script was never even submitted to anyone. It somehow got out and spread out purely on word-of mouth. Might have been even higher had it had an official release).

Thoughts: Hmm, a tweener version of Elizabethtown? That doesn’t inspire confidence. There’s a lot of sentimentality in this logline, and that can either lead to something great, if Menear’s got the chops, or something really really cheesy and saccharine. Kind of interested in this one.

15 – tie) BOOK SMART by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins
Two overachieving high school seniors realize the only thing they haven’t accomplished is having boyfriends, and each resolves to find one by prom.

Thoughts: I like the title. And I like that it comes at the high school genre from a slightly different angle (even if it isn’t wholly original). I feel like the teen high school movie has kinda died and I’d like to see it revived. Is this the one? Might take a look.

15 – tie) THE ISOLATE THIEF by Kevin Leffler
In the dead of winter in the middle of the U.S. Civil War, a young man tries to hide
the gold he stole from rogue soldiers who have taken over his remote house.

Thoughts: Not enough information here to really form an opinion. But it sounds like something a bearded Viggo Mortenson might be in. This could definitely work if done right. Might give this a read.

15 – tie) MOTOR CITY by Chad St. John
A small time hood is framed and sent to prison, only to exact revenge years later.

Thoughts: “The Days Before” writer, St. John, gets his second script on the list. Makes sense since good scripts inspire readers to seek more from that writer. This is another place where it would be helpful to get a genre. Is this more action? More drama? The one thing that makes me intrigued about the script is that it’s set in Detroit. That dying city is ripe for some sort of Hollywood treatment.

15 – tie) THEY FALL BY NIGHT by Zach Baylin
A burned out detective investigates the kidnapping of a socialite couple’s child.

Thoughts: Baylin has, up until this point, only worked in the art department on such films as Winter Passing and Dave Chapelle’s Block Party. Looks like he was secretly writing scripts during that time. The “burned out” detective angle contrasts nicely against the upscale family. Could be interesting. Would like a little more info on this one.

16 – tie) CELESTE & JESSE FOREVER by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack
A divorcing couple tries to maintain their friendship while they both pursue other
people.

Thoughts: Rashida Jones is like this industry mystery. Everybody loves her, yet she hasn’t broken out despite a good dozen opportunities. It’s not that we don’t like her. She’s one of those people who it’s impossible to dislike. Here, she’s written a script with another actor, Will McCormack. The two of them actually have another optioned property called “Frenemy Of The State,” about a heiress who works undercover for the CIA.

16 – tie) CONVICTION by Jonathan Herman
After serving five years in prison after a botched heist, a mastermind bank robber is
forced by a tenacious FBI agent to entrap his former protege who has embarked on a
multi-million-dollar bank-robbing spree.

Thoughts: This was a weird script. Despite my attempts, I could never quite figure out the tone. It sorta swerved all over the place for me, starting out as one film, and then becoming another. I didn’t think a lot of the situations felt realistic. For me, Herman’s other script, “Rites Of Men,” was vastly superior. Really liked that one. Either way, I’m happy to see Herman on the list.

Review.

16 – tie) NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH by Jared Stern
A suburban ‘neighborhood watch’ group, actually a front for dads to get some male
bonding time away from the family, uncovers a plot bent on destroying the world.

Thoughts: This sounds a little like a feature-length treatment of a beer commercial. The “plot bent on destroying the world” angle suggests something very broad. Maybe this could be the next “Old School?” Interestingly, Stern was a writer on the animated film “Bolt.” He has another screenplay sale titled, “Self-Guided,” about a guy who travels back in time to his high school days where he offers up tips to his younger self disguised as a guidance counselor.

17 – tie) BEST ACTRESS by Michael Zam and Jaffe Cohen
The story of the infamous career-long battle between screen legends Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, focusing on the on-set experience of the only film they ever made together WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE.”

Thoughts: This script introduced me to a rivalry I never knew about but I’m glad I do now. It also sent me searching for Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, which turned out to be a really good film. The back stage antics these two contributed to during the production are a little muted compared to the types of things we hear about in today’s media, but it’s a fun little script nonetheless.

Review.

17 – tie) BETTY’S READY by Jaylynn Bailey
After she discovers that her boyfriend is gay, a high schooler, determined to lose her
virginity before she goes to college, pursues several possible ‘candidates’ before she
finds love with her geeky neighbor, who has always loved her.

Thoughts: Not going to lie. This sounds like something we’ve seen a lot of before. So I’m hoping the execution is the star here. Jaylynn formally worked as a make-up artist.

17 – tie) THE SITTER by Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka
A suspended college student, living at home with his single mom, is talked into babysitting the three, young kids next door.

Thoughts: This was a funny script. Period. Okay not period. I’m going to keep on going. Basically, this is what “The Adventures In Babysitting” should’ve been. It’s edgier, it’s funnier, it’s more creative. The strange adopted Ecuadorian child is worth the price of admission alone. The writers have two other projects set up, one at Sony called “Hairstyles Of The Damned,” and another at Universal called “The Overachievers,” about a group of high schoolers navigating through tests and prep courses on their way to graduation.

Review.

17 – tie) WENCESLAS SQUARE by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely
Based on the Arthur Phillips short story. Two spies fall in love while participating in separate Cold War missions in Prague during the 1980s.

Thoughts: Unfortunately, I’m not a real big fan of the two spies falling in love thing, so I probably won’t be reading this. But I gotta give Markus and McFeely props. These two have been blowing up, nabbing huge writing assignments like “The Chronicles Of Narnia: Voyage of The Dawn Treader” and “Captain America.” Obviously, they have some talent.

17 – tie) Z FOR ZACHARIAH by Nissar Modi
A sixteen-year-old girl named Ann Burden survives a nuclear war in a small American
town.

Thoughts: Jericho prequel? Or sequel? Not much info here but I love the giant implications of a nuclear war contrasted with the tiny life of a 16 year old girl. Could be interesting. Would like to read this. Nissar actually had a very brief acting career 20 years ago, appearing in The Return Of Sherlock Holmes TV series. (edit: This is actually based on a YA SF novel from the early 1970s by Robert C O’Brien, the author of MRS. BRISBY AND THE RATS OF NIMH. It’s essentially a two-character piece with an isolated girl vs. a creepy fellow survivor. It won an Edgar Award and was previously produced by the BBC as a made-for-TV movie.

18 – tie) BALLS OUT by The Robotard 8000 (Tim Talbott and Malcolm Spellman)
When insurance salesman Jim Simmers has a near death experience, he decides that
nothing matters except getting a promotion, a new car, and the hot girl from work.
Jim’s new attitude alienates his friends and co-workers, and he must figure out how to
live his new life without losing his old one.

Thoughts: Yes, the rumors were true. Yes, the most controversial script all year indeed made The Black List. Talbott and Spellman, masters of marketing, created a viral craze in the screenwriting community early this year with their early-90s style website promoting their masterpiece, along with numerous quotes from industry execs who had read and survived the script, a sort of parody of screenwriting and story conventions. The script was infamously ripped apart by Mystery Man On Film. As for what I thought of it, well, to be honest, I’ve only ever skimmed through it. But I admit to laughing a lot. Maybe one of these days I’ll review it on the site. If anything, the script is a good example of what a creative mind can come up with to promote oneself. These two thought outside the box and it paid off. They may get a little nasty if you try and cross their path, but overall, I have nothing but admiration for these guys. You know you’ve made it when you start typing your name into google search and it finishes it for you!

You can download the script here.

18 – tie) BURIED by Chris Sparling
A civilian contractor in Iraq is kidnapped and awakens to find himself buried in a
coffin in the desert.

Thoughts: A little disappointed this script didn’t fare higher but it’s such a unique script that I can see how it might not have been everyone’s thing. To me, this is one of the most intense readings I’ve ever had and one of my favorite scripts of the year. The use of ticking time bombs (which I go into in my review) is second to none, and is the perfect lesson on how to add more immediacy and tension to your script. Check this out if you haven’t already.

Review here. (with script link)

Interview with the writer, Chris Sparling, here.

18 – tie) THE DIVERSIFICATION OF NOAH MILLER by Adam Cole-Kelly and Sam Pitman
A liberal New Yorker realizes he isn’t as open-minded as he thinks he is and sets out
to make a black friend.

Thoughts: Ahhh, the old white guy making the black friend bit. A bit I am admittedly a sucker for (the Seinfeld episode with George looking for an African American BF is classic). Am interested to know if this is a straight comedy or a dark comedy. Hoping it’s more dark. These two also have a project I’ve heard about with Eddie Murphy producing called “The Misadventures Of Fluffy,” which is either about a dog on the run or an unfortunate porno production assistant. I want to read this. Please send.

18 – tie) THE GIRL WITH THE RED RIDING HOOD by David Leslie Johnson
A Gothic imagining of the classic fairy tale in which a young woman is confronted by a werewolf, this time with a teenage love triangle at its center.

Thoughts: Hmm, I like the Gothic angle. Sounds a little bit like that video game “Alice” that they were trying to turn into a movie (and maybe even did, I’ve forgotten). But this sounds like it may be trying to grab some of that Twilight glitter, with the teenage love triangle sounding very similar to the super-franchise. However, this is a follow-up to Johnson’s successful spec turned movie, Orphan, which I thought was pretty good. What a great cast, especially that freaky ass semi-russian girl, who nailed it. So I may give this a read.

18 – tie) MY MOTHER’S CURSE by Dan Fogelman
The young inventor of a new organic cleaning product invites his mother on a cross-country road trip as he tries to sell his product to marketing outlets. His ulterior motive is to reunite her with a man she loved when she was young, and her motive is to help him overcome his ‘curse’ of non-commitment in relationships, for which she blames herself.

Thoughts: You know, this sounds pretty good if done right. I know there’s an aversion to this indie “on the road” type movie (I will murder myself before I ever watch Transamerica for example) but what I like here is that the two key players have secret motives to help the other. I can already see that leading to some funny situations. So I’d like to read this. And hey, if there’s any writer qualified to write about a road trip, it’s Fogelman, the writer of 2006’s Pixar film, “Cars.” He also has the geriatric version of The Hangover set up at CBS films titled, “Las Vegas.”

18 – tie) RESTLESS by Jason Lew
A tale of young love between a teenage boy and girl who share a preoccupation with
mortality.

Thoughts: Don’t worry. Jason Lew is not to be confused with Jason Mewes. This is actually the project that Gus Van Sant plans to direct for Imagine Entertainment. Yes, Imagine. That should be a hell of an interesting combination. Lew is brand new on the scene and was formally an actor with a couple of small parts. I’m guessing this will have lots of grainy shots and the end of plot as we know it.

18 – tie) STREETS ON FIRE by Justin Britt-Gibson
Two cops, reluctantly partnered, try to bring down a drug syndicate while navigating
the streets of Chicago.

Thoughts: This gets the most generic synopsis award, and that’s too bad, because on a list this big, you gotta stand out. I’d love it if Britt-Gibson or his reps could send me a more detailed description of this. I’ll put it up immediately. Britt-Gibson has one other screenplay he optioned titled “The 7th Son” about a group of strangers who come together after an assassination of the U.S. president and make an unusual discovery about themselves.

18 – tie) TAKE THIS WALTZ by Sarah Polley
A young woman struggles with her infidelities and the budding realization that she may be addicted to the honeymoon period of her relationships.

Thoughts: Hmm, very interesting. Polley’s “Away From Her” was one of the better directing efforts I saw all of last year. I wasn’t a fan of the script though, as it violated the rule horse I continue to beat on this site – a story that starts out one way, then turns into something completely different. It signified to me a writer that didn’t understand how to craft an entire story. But I like Sarah Polley and with a little more experience in the Final Draft department, her follow-up should be better. This is another one of those scripts that could either be a drama, a dark comedy, or a rom-com. But it’s Sarah Polley, so I’m guessing drama.

18 – tie) THE TRADE by Dave Mandel
The true story of two New York Yankees pitchers who caused a national scandal when they swapped wives in the early 70s.

Thoughts: Uhhhh, what??? This really happened?? And not in a Fox “Wife Swap” kind of way? Okay, I have to read this. But I’m really hoping there’s some realism behind it and it’s not some shit studio film starring Martin Lawrence and Jim Belushi as the “wacky” pitchers. And I really hope Dave Mandel is not related to Howie Mandel. — OH SHIT! Fuck it all. I just realized this was the writer of Eurotrip (one of the biggest spec sales ever). This is going straight to my most anticipated list.

18 – tie) WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT by Morgan Foehl
After ten years on the run from the mob, the son of a mob lawyer must choose between
prison and helping the man who killed his mother.

Thoughts: Love the title here. The genre on this one is tough to figure out because while it sounds deep and dark, Foehl was previously an editor on two of Adam Sandler’s films, Click and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. So could this be a comedy? Would like to know more please.

19 – tie) BAYTOWN DISCO by Barry Battles and Griffin Hood
Three redneck brothers get in over their heads when they agree to help a woman kidnap her son back from his seemingly evil father.

Thoughts: Another logline that’s hard to figure out. These two are new on the scene, with most of their work coming as actors. If this is a straight-up comedy, I might be interested in reading it.

19 – tie) THE GUYS GIRL by Nick Confalone and Neal Dusedau
Three male best friends realize they’re each in love with their mutual female best
friend when she gets engaged.

Thoughts: Ugh, had a similar idea to this. Though mine’s more “The Big Chill.” This sounds like an out and out comedy. These two are brand new on the scene. Dusedau worked on both “Munich” and “The Happening” as an assistant.

19 – tie) JIMI by Max Borenstein
The life story of rock legend Jimi Hendrix.

Thoughts: Ahhhhhh! Biopic alert! Biopic alert! But I guess if you’re going to make a biopic, it might as well be about Jimi Hendrix, right? Although Borenstein seems to have been writing for awhile, his success has come more recently. He has a project in development at Kevin Spacey’s Triggerstreet Productions called “Rigged,” a truth life story about a kid who became a bajillionaire changing the oil trade business.

19 – tie) LOVESTRUCK by Annabel Oakes
Cynical best friends Amelia and Ruth love nothing more than to ridicule romance. When
they take it one step too far at their friend’s wedding, they are sentenced to a fate
worse than death – becoming heroines in their own romantic comedy.

Thoughts: Not sure how I feel about this one. Parodying romantic comedies is a tricky proposition. The conventions are so dated that I don’t know if it’s funny to make fun of them anymore. But this seems geared towards women, so I’ll bow out of the commentary. Oakes has one foreign film to her credit titled Morenita el Escanadalo about a man desperate to save his family from death threats by a notorious drug dealer.

19 – tie) RITES OF MEN by Jonathan Herman
When a working class dad’s only son is murdered, he sets out to discover who is
responsible.

Thoughts: Ahhhh-ha! So here’s Rites of Men! Flip this and Conviction around and I’ll be happy. “Men” is very “Taken” in nature, with more of a detective angle to it. There are lots of twists and turns and the script never quite goes the way you think it will. Happy to see this on the list.

Review.

19 – tie) SHIMMER LAKE by Oren Uziel
As a small-town bank-theft job slowly unravels, it proves to involve virtually
everyone, from an ex-meth-lab runner to a crooked prosecutor and his vengeful cop
brother.

Thoughts: Yes! Another great script! This one won the Austin Film Festival Screenwriting Competition and I immediately knew why after I finished it. What the synopsis doesn’t tell you is that the script is actually told backwards. Now usually, that’s a gimmick, but here, Uziel really makes it work. Combine that with his unique voice and gift for off-beat comedy, and this is a writer I see carving out a huge career for himself. Get on the Uziel train while you can.

Review.

19 – tie) SMILE, RELAX, ATTACK by Eli Attie
A young, ambitious political consultant finds himself in over his head when his first big client – an incumbent Democratic Virginia Senator – becomes the subject of national scrutiny by both Parties.

Thoughts: Uhhh, can someone say in the running for best title of the list? We had to get some more political action going so I guess this is filling the need. Still, how are you going to beat “Farragut North?” Well, Attie’s no slouch, having written one of the bigger specs of the last few years, The 28th Amendment, which will star Denzel Washington. In it, the new President of the United States discovers a secret cabal that runs the government and wants him dead.

20 – tie) BOBBY MARTINEZ by Ric Roman Waugh
A coming-of-age biopic about the titular Mexican-American surfer. Martinez rose out of the gang-ridden streets of Southern California to become a hero to his community when he swept every major amateur surfing tournament in his first year of competition and won the ASP Rookie of the Year honors in his first pro season.

Thoughts: Not liking the biopic angle, but I have to admit, this logline has some great irony in it. A south-central surfer? Count me in. Finally, a biopic I’m excited about. Interesting thing about Waugh. He used to be a stuntman. Now he’s one of the hottest writers in town, with a half a dozen scripts in development.

20 – tie) CORSICA 72 by Neil Purvis and Robert Wade
On the island of Corsica in 1972, childhood best friends Marco and Sauveur find their
lives veering in opposite directions – the first towards the Mafia, the second toward
a simpler life with his beloved, Lucia. When the Corsican mob kills Sauveur’s brother,
they ignite a tit-for-tat blood feud that inevitably leads toward a final showdown.

Thoughts: Wasn’t a huge fan of this script (which finished number 2 on this year’s Brit List) but a lot of other people seem to be, so I’m not going to rain on the parade. I think people see some of The Godfather in it, and no doubt, it brings back memories of those movies. So if you love those films, I have a feeling you’ll like this.

Review.

20 – tie) A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS: THE LEGEND OF NOLAN BUSHNELL by Brian Hecker and Craig Sherman
The rise of Nolan Bushnell, father of the videogame industry, who started Atari in the
70s.

Thoughts: Biopic fever. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fever for the flavor. If Bushnell had a crazy life, then I say film away. But if this is just following a geeky dude through his life for two hours, I’ll stick with my Playstation 3. This team is relatively new. Hecker has one produced credit to his name, the 2008 indie “Bart Got A Room.” Sherman wrote an indie of his own, “New Suit.”

20 – tie) GOOD LOOKING by Chris McCoy
In a future where dating services perfectly match soulmates, a man rejects the person
chosen for him.

Thoughts: Tough to get a feel on this one. Feels like we’re missing some key information. Anyone want to write in and give me some more details?

20 – tie) JIMMY SIX by Daniel Casey
The screw-up son of a murdered mobster goes with a hitman to exact revenge on the
informer who sent his father to his death.

Thoughts: I like the “screw-up son” angle here. Gives this a little bit of freshness because if not for that, it would sound pretty generic. No info on Daniel Casey out there. He’s a mystery man.

20 – tie) LIARS (A-E) by Emma Forrest
A twenty-nine year old woman on the way to President Obama’s inauguration stops to
retrieve lost items from her ex-boyfriend in the hope of getting over her most recent
heartache.

Thoughts: Ah yes, the recently reviewed Liars (A to E). Although not reviewed by me. Novelist Forrest is notoriously known for her brief relationship with Colin Farrel, who is said to be the inspiration behind the script. Some people don’t like the hip-as-thou semi-Juno lingo, but it’s hard to argue against Forrest being a good writer.

Review.

20 – tie) THE STORM by Richard Taylor and Bryan Bagby
A bounty hunter and his prey must unite to take on an evil sheriff and his posse in a lawless Wyoming town.

Thoughts: This logline I really like. First, you got the storm. Rainy, messy, chaotic. Ripe for conflict. Then, it’s always fun to see the hero and the villain have to reluctantly team up together. Throw the cherry on top of an evil sheriff? Hello! A fucking script sundae! — This looks like an English duo as the company that bought the script is set up in the U.K. But if it’s English, why didn’t it make The Brit List?

21 – tie) 2 GUNS by Blake Masters
Based on the comic book of the same name by Stephen Grant. A DEA agent and an undercover naval intelligence officer unwittingly investigate each other while stealing mob money.

Thoughts: First of all, great name. Blake Masters. I’d kill to have that name. You know what it sounds like actually? It sounds like a professional golfer name. You know, Blake should consider taking up golfing. I hear there’s an opening available. Anyway, Universal bought this one. Sounds like something Colin Farrel and Ethan Hawke would team up and do. I’m not sure what that observation implies. To be honest, this isn’t my thing. But Roger would probably love it. Roger? Where are you?

21 – tie) ARTHUR by Peter Baynham
Based on the 1981 film of the same name. A spoiled rich twenty-something must decide
between true love and the vast fortune he’ll inherit if he marries a society woman whom
he doesn’t love.

Thoughts: Oh how I miss you Dudley Moore, you bottle-gourging son of a gun. Peter Baynham came up with the story for Bruno. He also did some acting before he wrote and was an extra on the film, Shaun Of The Dead.

21 – tie) CUT BANK by Roberto Patino
A small town thriller set in Cut Bank, Montana.

Thoughts: I couldn’t have come up with a less descriptive synopsis if I wrote, “A man jumps.” I’m guessing this isn’t Patino’s fault. Anyway, Patino is a true newcomer to the craft. He worke on a documentary and a short, both in the camera department.

21 – tie) DEAD LOSS by Josh Baizer and Marshall Johnson
A crab fishing boat crew rescues a castaway adrift in a life raft with mysterious cargo that soon both captivates and divides them.

Thoughts: Uh, can somebody say fucking robbed!!?? This script was awesome. It should’ve been way higher. Not only is it a unique contained thriller in that it takes place in one of the most dangerous professions on earth, but the characters are well-drawn, the twists and turns keep coming, and it’s got a great central conflict between the two heroes (the brothers). This is a movie that needs to get made, like, yesterday man. Hurry up already. First major mistake of the Black List.

Review.

21 – tie) THE GHOST AND THE WOLF by Rylend Grant and Dikran Ornekian
An ex-cop and his old partner must reunite, burying years of distrust, to take on the
vicious Russian mobsters who altered their lives profoundly in the 90s… destroying one
and propelling the other to Captain.

Thoughts: Hating the Russian angle. Feels too played out. But I love the idea of two older cops who lost a friendship having to re-team. As always, you’re looking to build stories with inherent conflict in them, and this obviously has it. Dikran Ornekian was an assistant to Stephen Sommers on both the last Mummy movie he did and G.I. Joe. Both writers are relatively new to the game.

21 – tie) I HATE YOU DAD by David Caspe
A father moves in with his son on the eve of his son’s wedding and promptly begins feuding with the bride-to-be.

Thoughts: At first glance I thought the title was simply, “I Hate You,” which I’d already decided was the greatest title ever. This sounds like it needs something extra to explain why the dad is arguing with the bride. Right now you just scratch your head and go, “Why would he argue with her?” Could be good though.

21 – tie) IF I STAY by Shauna Cross
Based on the novel of the same name by Gayle Forman. A teenage girl leaves her body after a tragic car crash and needs to decide whether to return to her life or not.

Thoughts: Summit, the new mega-studio, is producing this one. Feels like The Lovely Bones to me. You might recognize Shauna Cross’ name as she’s the writer of the beloved screenplay, “Whip It,” which if I remember correctly did very well on last year’s list. The movie was kind of a bust, but I don’t know a single woman who read Whip It and didn’t love it.

21 – tie) I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS by John Whittington
A couple breaks up after 5 years together but vow to remain friends after the fact, which proves much harder to do than they imagined.

Thoughts: This is the kind of movie that can be really good or really average. I love the premise, but because its staying power is minimal (they break up in the first 5 pages – now what?), the writer will have to come up with plenty of sub-plot nuggets to keep us involved. I wish I could tell you more about Whittington but alas, I know not a thing.

21 – tie) THE KING’S SPEECH by David Seidler
George VI, also known as Bertie, reluctantly takes the throne of England when his brother, Edward, abdicates in 1936. The unprepared king turns to a radical speech therapist, Lionel Logue, to help overcome his nervous stutter and the two forge a friendship.

Thoughts: Hmm, I kind of like this. The fact that a King is terrible at the one thing a King cannot be terrible at is intriguing. But the forming of the friendship with the speech therapist…I don’t know. Not jumping for joy there. But good for Seidler. He’s been in this business for awhile (he wrote “Tucker: The Man and His Dream,” a dozen years ago). So it’s nice to see him do well.

21 – tie) THE LOW SELF ESTEEM OF LIZZIE GILLESPIE by Mindy Kaling and Brent Forrester
A single girl in Manhattan dates the hottest guy in the world but must overcome her insecurities when she hears him deny they are dating.

Thoughts: Mindy Kaling you’ll know as the Indian actress on The Office. Brent Forrester is another writer on the office. Things seem to be going well for the Office writers these days as they’re all either writing Ghostbusters or Star Wars films or anything they want. The premise here doesn’t sound very deep but this is a script that has come on strong with heavy word-of-mouth this last month. I’ll probably check it out.

21 – tie) THE BLIND RAGE OF PEACOAT MILLER by Adam Penn
A college student home for the holidays discovers that an internet porn film turns its
viewer into homicidal maniacs. As the epidemic spreads, he has to save his longtime
crush while struggling to control his own urges.

Thoughts: Having a problem making the connection between watching porn and becoming a killer, but this seems like one of those out-there premises where you either go with it or you don’t. Great title. Great writing name. We have another editor here (they say editors are good writers because they know what needs to be to cut out before they even begin). Penn worked as an editor on the HBO show, Oz, as well as the guilty pleasure Nip/Tuck.

21 – tie) CON MEN by Eric Lane
Greg Weinstock and Kevin Russell, two drug reps from Burlington Labs with nothing in common aside from a shared gift of moving product, are dispatched to a convention to hook the biggest sale of their lives.

Thoughts: Sounds like another buddy indie comedy. Hoping there’s a little more pop to it than that.

21 – tie) JOSH by Gary Ross
The lives of a single father and his teenaged son are dramatically changed when the boy’s mother returns and wants to be part of her son’s life.

Thoughts: I think they mean “estranged mother?” Sounds very dramatic. Maybe it’s because the word “dramatically” is in there. Anyway, Gary Ross is a heavyweight. He’s written Dave, Pleasantville, Sea-Biscuit, and Spider-Man 4. And after all that, he found time to write a little indie film that made the Black List. Nice.

21 – tie) MY SISTER IS MARRYING A DOUCHEBAG by Wendy Molyneux and Lizzie Molyneux
A young woman, thinking that her sister’s new fiance is a douchebag, sets out to sabotage their wedding.

Thoughts: When the Molyneux sisters write a script, watch out. Not that I know them. But you just better. The excessive offensive title approach is getting on peoples’ nerves, which actually makes me have *more* confidence in this script, since it’s survived that initial prejudice. The sister tag team has worked on some small-time TV stuff, but other than that, this is their first breakthrough.

21 – tie) NO BLOOD, NO GUTS, NO GLORY by Chase Palmer
A spy and twenty Union soldiers in disguise board a train in Georgia to execute a scheme that could bring a quick end to the U.S. Civil War.

Thoughts: This sounds good. It feels relevant, with hints of terrorism oozing from its premise. By Americans no less! Up to this point, Palmer’s only written and directed short films, but he’s tabbed to helm a couple of mid-level films, so he’s definitely moving his way up.

21 – tie) NORM THE MOVIE by Sam Esmail
“A buddy comedy in which a guy is transported into a movie… or so he thinks.”

Thoughts: Let me tell you a little bit about Sam Esmail. This guy’s nuts! He writes weird ass shit and he’s really good at it, a sort of Charlie Kaufman in training. His last script, “Sequels, Remakes, and Adaptations,” made it onto last years’ list and was quite good. This sounds like an unofficial sequel to that script.

21 – tie) RENKO VEGA & THE JENNIFER NINE by John Raffo
Renko Vega, once a hero and now a rogue thief wandering the galaxy with his hyperintelligent spaceship the Jennifer 9, is forced to become a hero once again when the young daughter of the President of Earth is kidnapped.”

Thoughts: Han Solo type hero? Crazy imaginative sci-fi world? Uh, yeah, count me in.

You can check out the review, the script, and an interview with John here.

21 – tie) SMASH AND GRAB by Marc Wolff
When his wife is kidnapped, a reformed thief has to team up with his hapless ex-partner
to save her, while dodging the LAPD, the FBI, and various members of the Los Angeles underworld.

Thoughts: Okay, this damn well better be in the execution, because there isn’t an original beat in that logline. Unless of course it’s a Jason Statham movie. Then it’s okay. Solid title.

21 – tie) THE TRUE MEMOIRS OF AN INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN by Jeff Morris
Joe, an insecure writer with a boring desk job, finally manages to sell his assassin novel, The Memoirs of an International Assassin to the one publisher that will buy it. To his horror the publisher retitles it The True Memoirs of an International Assassin and markets the book as non-fiction — making it seem as if Joe is the assassin himself. He soon finds himself in the crosshairs of the CIA, various drug lords, the media, and a beautiful investigative journalist while on a vacation in Belize.

Thoughts: Hip-hip hell yeah. Scriptshadow friend Jeff Morris makes the Black List. I could tell you more about Jeff and the script but why don’t you just go to the review and interview to find out yourself.

Review here.
Interview here.

21 – tie) THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY by Mark Bomback
Based on the comic book written by Gerard Way. After being raised by a brilliant scientist and a hyper-intelligent chimp, six super-powered former ‘child superheroes’ reunite to stop one of their own from leading a violin symphony that will destroy the world.

Thoughts: Well, the premise certainly has panache. Sounds very “Lava Boy and Shark Girl,” but there could be more going on here. Bomback’s an established force in the industry. He wrote Deception, Race To Witch Mountain, and Die Hard: Live Free Or Die Hard.

22 – tie) 30 MINUTES OR LESS by Matthew Sullivan and Michael Diliberti
A comedy about a pizza delivery guy on an unlikely caper.

Thoughts: Not gonna lie. Premise feels a little dated, unless maybe it’s set in the 80s? These two have been nabbed to do the update on Brewster’s Millions (speaking of high-concept comedies). Very well may have gotten that job off this spec?

22 – tie) ALLIES WITH BENEFITS by Elizabeth Wright Shapiro
The female President of The United States falls for her old college fling, the now Prime Minister of England.

Thoughts: I am betting six billion dollars that this will star Hugh Grant. This is Shapiro’s first sale.

22 – tie) COMIC CON by Matthew Sullivan and Michael Diliberti
To save their beloved neighborhood comic shop, a justice league of comic geeks must plan and execute a daring heist at Comic-Con.

Thoughts: They’re BAAAAAACK. After like 2 seconds. A movie about Comic-Con absolutely needs to be done, even if it will be a little incestuous. You just have to make sure it doesn’t turn into Fanboys.

22 – tie) CROOK FACTORY by Nicholas Meyer
Based on the novel by Dan Simmons and true events. An FBI agent is ordered to baby-sit Ernest Hemingway as he goes about running a motley spy ring in WWII Cuba.

Thoughts: I guess if this is based on true events, it’s okay. I don’t know what it is about Hemmingway, but whenever I see his name in a premise, I want to read it. Meyer is a true workhorse, having written a ton of films. Some of those include the recent film, Elegy, as well as older films Sommersby, The Human Stain, and Star Trek VI.

22 – tie) THE CURSE OF MEDUSA by J Lee and Tom Welch
An origin story of Medusa the Gorgon.

Thoughts: Can’t say that’s not an interesting angle.

22 – tie) DUE DATE by Alan R. Cohen and Alan Freedland
An uptight father-to-be is forced to travel across the country with an idiotic stoner in order to close a major business deal and make it home in time for the birth of his first child.

Thoughts: This is going to star Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galianfinakgianis and be directed by Todd Phillips. In other words, this is going to be a mega-hit. Read it awhile back. It has some strong moments, moreso in the second half, and I love the potential chemistry between these two actors, but I wasn’t a big fan of the spec version of this script. Thought it was a little sloppy

Review here.

22 – tie) THE HAND JOB by Maggie Carey
A coming-of-age comedy about a teenage girl who gives her first hand job (among other
life experiences).

Thoughts: lol. I really don’t know how to respond to this one. Maggie Carey has learned her craft through writing and directing her own shorts, which she has a bunch of. The other script she sold, about a young woman’s decision to turn things around by hiring a “life coach” is thrown for a loop when the person she hires turns out to be a real mess, sounds more interesting.

22 – tie) HANNA by David Farr
A fourteen year old girl is raised by her father to be a cold hearted killing machine.

Thoughts: Littler Nikita? Hanna is about a badass bitch who goes looking for her father when they get split up. My big issue with this script is the saggy middle, though I anticipate that’s been cleaned up in rewrites. Let’s hope, cause this is one of those scripts (because of the action) that’s going to work better on the screen than on the page. Before he wrote Hanna, Farr worked on the show “MI-5.” This is his first sale.

Review here.

22 – tie) THE HUNGRY RABBIT JUMPS by Robert Tannen
A man becomes entangled in a secret society that forces him to murder.

Thoughts: I believe this is the script that has the monetarily challenged Nicholas Cage attached? Cage shouldn’t be jumping over hungry rabbits. He should be keeping his wallet closed when the auctioneer says, “Dinosaur bones, 250 thousand dollars!” Before this, Tannen wrote the 2006 indie film, “Even Money.”

22 – tie) JAWS OF LIFE by Michael Goldbach
A seventeen year old boy falls in love with a woman old enough to be his mother and begins to question the meaning of love and relationships while his parents go through a divorce.

Thoughts: Phew, I was wondering when the inappropriate relationship script was going to show up. Thank goodness. All jokes aside, I kinda like these films. The train-wreck aspect to the relationship always compels me to keep watching. Goldbach also has a produced credit on a small indie film called “Child Star.”

22 – tie) JITTERS by Marc Haimes
A dysfunctional, recession-struck family moves into a new neighborhood and is terrorized by superbugs.

Thoughts: Described as having a “Gremlins vibe.” I’m thinking how Roger is pouring through trillions of terrabytes of internet information right now to find this script. Oh how I hope you find it Roger. Haimes has a few projects in development and associate produced Men In Black II.

22 – tie) THE LAST STAND by Andrew Knauer
A drug cartel king escapes his trial in a 200mph Gumpert Apollo, and the only thing in between him and Mexican freedom is a small town cop in a bordertown.

Thoughts: There’s some coolness here. I’d like to know more about this town and this cop though, since that seems to be where the meat of the screenplay takes place. This is Knauer’s first sale.

23 – tie) MEDIEVAL by Alex Litvak and Michael Finch
An unlikely group of imprisoned warriors are forced on a suicide mission to steal the King’s crown in order to gain their freedom. They soon realize they’ve been set up to take the fall for the assassination of the King.

Thoughts: I waffled on this one. Not great but not terrible. Just sorta good enough. Yet, if I were a studio, it would be one of the first movies I put on my slate. It’s one of those ideas where you can imagine the trailer in your head. And even on your dullest days, it’s still fucking awesome. This script also sold for a lot of money. I think over 600k, right?

Review here.

23 – tie) OWENS MANUAL by Greg Ferkel
A mild-mannered IT guy finds an ‘owners manual’ to his dull life but struggles to manage the realities of it when he reaches the end of the manual.

Thoughts: I’m digging this one. Sounds like an off-beat take on a traditional comedy. Will definitely check it out. This is Ferkel’s first sale.

23 – tie) SAND DOGS by Vineet Dewan and Angus Fletcher
A pair of Western Red Crescent Paramedics weather a series of intense, dangerous days
in the Gaza Strip.

Thoughts: This sounds a lot like The Hurt Locker, which I liked. As many of you know, Sand Dogs is one of this years’ five Nichols’ winners. I haven’t read it yet but I hope to find it. Vineet Dewan worked in the art department on Monsoon Wedding.

23 – tie) SEX, GREED, MONEY, MURDER & CHICKEN FRIED STEAK by Reinhard Denke
The story of oilman T. Cullen Davis, the richest man in the United States ever to be
tried (and acquitted twice) for the capital murder of his stepdaughter, marking the
end of the reign of Texas oil billionaires.

Thoughts: Okay, I take back my earlier statement. This clearly wins title of the Black List awards. Also, it sounds really interesting. Us Americans are obsessed with seeing really rich people fall. It’s sad but it’s true. Which is why I will read this.

23 – tie) THE SPECTACULAR NOW by Scott Neustadter and Mike Weber
A hard-partying high school senior’s life changes when he meets a shy, insecure girl.

Thoughts: These two might sound familiar to you as they’re the writers of the indie hit “500 Days of Summer,” which was also in my Top 25 back before it hit theaters. This one hasn’t been getting a whole lot of heat, but they set the bar really high with Summer, which makes a comparable follow-up all the much harder. I will give this a read at some point for sure.

23 – tie) SWINGLES by Zach Braff
A bachelor who is dumped by his wingman teams up with a sharp-tongued woman he can’t
stand in order to meet women.

Thoughts: This is the project Braff signed onto to rewrite AND make his official directing follow-up to Garden State. I haven’t read the script but my lovely friend Erica has, and she did a review for the site. Just note, the draft she reviews is pre-Braff, not this one.

Review here.

23 – tie) THE TREES by Tyler Hisel
Isolated and threatened, a mysterious force hidden within the trees outside the small town of Laytonsville, Maryland strikes fear in the townsfolk as Sheriff Paul Shields attempts to overcome the demons of his past while protecting those that he loves.

Thoughts: There be some fear whistling through these bones. This sounds like a cross between The Happening and The Village. The good news? It’s impossible for anyone to write anything as bad as those films. So we know this has to be better. This is Hisel’s first breakthrough.

23 – tie) THE UNDERLING by Dave Stoller and Ben Shiffrin
A man slowly comes to discover his girlfriend is literally working for the devil and
has to find a way to escape.

Thoughts: Devil’s Advocate like maybe? I hope so. We need another Devil’s Advocate. This looks to be both these writers’ first break.

23 – tie) THE VATICAN TAPES by Chris Borrelli
In a highly secured vault deep within the walls of Vatican City, the Catholic Church holds thousands of old films and video footage documenting exorcisms/supposed exorcisms and other unexplained religious phenomena they feel the world is not ready to see. This is the first tape – Case 83-G – stolen from these archives and exposed to the public by an anonymous source.

Thoughts: I love the sound of this. Will definitely be checking it out. Borrelli has been working odd jobs around Hollywood for awhile. This is his first sale.

23 – tie) WALL STREET 2: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS by Allan Loeb
Gordon Gekko, fresh from prison, re-emerges into a much harsher financial world than
the one he left.

Thoughts: Because Loeb is selling everything he writes these days, he’s been heavily debated by the writing community, with some people “getting” him, and others not. Well, for better or worse, he’s landing a lot of big money assignment work, and Wall Street was one of those. I read the script and thought it was okay, though there were some major motivation issues I had with the characters. Luckily it has an ending that saves the day and should have audiences leaving the theater with a buzz.

Review here.

23 -tie) WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Richard LaGravanese
Jacob Jankowski is about to take his final exams in veterinary medicine at Cornell when his parents are killed in a car accident. He drops out and joins Benzini Brothers, a second-rate traveling circus trying to survive during the Depression.

Thoughts: I’ve had this book on my shelf for two years now. I once got through 3 pages on a plane trip (until a suspicious looking guy started to hang around the bathroom and I had to keep an eye on him). LaGravenese has written such movies as “P.S. I Love You,” and “Freedom Writers.”

23 – tie) THE WETTEST COUNTY by Nick Cave
Based on the book by Matt Bondurant. The story of a moonshine gang operating in the
bootlegging capital of America – Franklin County, Virginia – during Prohibition.

Thoughts: Not my genre, but I rarely meet a write who doesn’t love Nick Cave.

23 – tie) YEAR 12 by Edward Ricourt
Twelve years after an alien invasion leaves humankind decimated and brutally subjugated, a former soldier must smuggle deadly uranium in his bloodstream and, with help from a pair of rebels, fight his way to an air force base where the uranium can be extracted and used to fuel a nuclear missile for a counterstrike that will reverse the direction of the war.

Thoughts: Started reading this one but haven’t finished it yet. It’s like a hard-edged version of “V.” Like, really hard. This is Ricourt’s first sale.

Have a nice little treat for you today. As I mentioned, the Black List is only four days away now and it looks like we have a review for a script that will likely make the list. But the fun doesn’t stop there. Afterwards, Roger does an interview with the writer himself, John Raffo! I want to give a big thanks to RB because he set up and put this together himself. And of course thank you to John for giving today’s review a little extra kick. — By the way, to all you development execs and readers out there, if you have any advance word on scripts that’ll make the Black List, let me know. The more I know, the more I’ll have ready when the list is released. Here’s Roger with today’s review…

Genre: Action, Science Fiction, Space Opera
Premise: Renko Vega, a disgraced cosmonaut, has resorted to a life of thievery with his best friend and partner, a sentient spaceship called the Jennifer 9. When a group of space pirates called the Augmentics take hostage the passengers and crew of The Starlight Revolver, Renko has the chance to redeem himself as he’s forced to choose between self-preservation or saving the people onboard.
About: John Raffo wrote the notorious post-apocalyptic actioner spec, “Pincushion”. His theatrical credits include “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story”, directed by Rob Cohen, and “The Relic”, directed by Peter Hyams. John Shestack (“Air Force One”, “Dan in Real Life”) is attached as producer. Ryan Rowe (“Charlie’s Angels”) helped Mr. Raffo write the three-page treatment.
Advance word is that this script will make the 2009 Black List.
Writer: Screenplay by John Raffo. Original Story by John Raffo and Ryan Rowe.

I’m not gonna lie. I have a lotta love for this script.

The first thing I noticed about it was the awesome title. Sure, it stirs up images of a pulp serial adventure, but what kind? A name like Renko Vega evokes the cultural melting-pot nomenclature of cyberpunk.

And the Jennifer Nine?

Thoughts of cloning, sentient machines and artificial intelligence were swirling in my head as I opened the script.

So what’d you discover, Rog?

Imagine if there were a Star Wars film solely about Han Solo and you’ll have an idea what “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine” feels like. It’s a blaster-style adventure yarn that melds the Golden Age comic-book spell of Edgar Rice Burroughs and the swashbuckling charm (and franchise opportunity?) of something like “Pirates of the Caribbean”.

We meet our hero, Renko Vega, as he’s being pursued through a city by an angry mob of people. He clutches a trunk-like case, which, presumably, he has just stolen. The intimate female voice in his ear guides him through the maze of alleyways, hopefully leading him to an airlock.

Alas, there is no airlock, but there is a Plexiglass wall. Undeterred, and having no other option, Renko begins to slam the case against the wall despite the panicked outcries of the mob. Clearly, this is insane behavior and they don’t know if they should charge him or get the hell out of this area fast.

Turns out they should have turned tail and ran, because when that case penetrates the wall it’s like Ripley hitting the big red button to open the airlock on the Nostromo. Everything that isn’t nailed down, including people, starts to fly towards the hole. Renko takes a deep breath and dives through the hole.

We suddenly get the big picture.

As Renko floats through space, the Méliès-like mise-en-scène lets us know that our man just crashed through the wall of a dome that houses the colonists of a moon. And now he’s floating through space, chasing the case, running out of oxygen.

Oops.

But don’t worry. A spaceship, winged, sleek and Lamborghini-meets-Bentley cool scoops Renko out of the nebulousness darkness. This spaceship possesses the feminine voice that helped Renko escape the moon colony.

Her name?

Jennifer 9.

So the Jennifer 9 is a sentient spaceship?

Yep. And the case that he stole contains the precious, restorative fuel rods for Jennifer 9.

You see, Renko Vega is a space pirate, and the Jennifer 9 is his trustworthy ship. Renko, a disgraced hero and cosmonaut of the United Planet Earth, is also the type of guy that has lost faith in humanity. He doesn’t trust his fellow man. Instead, his only companions are the Jennifer 9 and the artificial life-forms that serve as her crew.

He’s a man that only trusts machines.

And as such, one might also conclude that, emotionally, he has developed what might be described as an inappropriate relationship (get your mind out of the gutter) with Jennifer 9. He’s bonded to her in such a way that she’s very protective of him.

Jennifer 9 sees Renko Vega as a charming rogue, and she sees herself as his beautiful and brainy side-kick. She would do anything for him. Yes, there’s love between them, and we will learn that love will be to the ultimate test.

So what’s the dilemma?

Jennifer 9 helps Renko infiltrate The Starlight Revolver, the largest spacecraft ever equipped with a jump drive, with the goal of stealing a priceless necklace called The Lady of the Shadows. The ship is a real luxury liner. Think the Titanic in space.

Not only is Renko recognized as a notorious outlaw, we also learn that he’s been branded a traitor. If anything makes Renko angry, it’s being called a traitor.

The plot thickens when a cruel-looking corsair dubbed “The Bloody Henry” attacks the Starlight Revolver. A nasty crew of space pirates called Augmentics crash the party. They’re humans who are into an extreme form of body modification, sort of like transhumanist Hell’s Angels who are in the business of scaring and robbing people.

Things get complicated when Renko learns that the Augmentics are led by Creighton Bevilaqua, a man Renko used to work for when he was a Captain in iNASA.

Things get even more complicated when we discover that he is here to capture Miss Elizabeth Ardmore, daughter of James Joplin Ardmore, Commander in Chief and President of United Planet Earth.

Jennifer 9 is extremely concerned with getting Renko the hell off the ship, and he’s not really one to argue. Selfishly, they’re only interested in survival.

Not saving the Princess of Mars (Elizabeth’s nickname).

Of course, in the stealthy scramble to find an exit, Renko butts heads with Kathryn DelRio, Elizabeth’s handler and bodyguard. DelRio is armed with a Merc-Matsu gun, an awesome piece of hardware that she uses to blow holes through walls and kill multiple Augmentics at a time.

Of course, Jennifer 9 is instantly jealous of her.

Once Bevilaqua learns that Renko Vega is on board, helping DelRio cause all sorts of problems for the Augmentics, he decides to kick matters up to Phase 2. “We need to find that girl before the ship comes apart. Mister Shiz, fetch the Nebulon project and prepare it for release.”

What’s the Nebulon project?

The cases that contain the Nebulon project read, “Radically altered genetic material contained within.”

It’s “the brain-child of a black ops program on the moon about ten years ago. Their mission was to develop the ‘ultimate individual combat module.’ But they abandoned the project.”

“Why did they abandon it?”

“Oh, ‘abandon’ is probably the wrong term. They didn’t actually survive.”

It is a genetically altered biological construct that is thought to be invincible in hand-to-hand combat. It’s the ultimate soldier, lacking only in the critical areas of dedication and loyalty.

As you can probably guess, we’re treated to a ten-page monster mayhem-sequence that involves Renko Vega, his Sentient Space Suit, and his Sentient Robotic Hand as they all battle the Nebulon.

It’s a scary, humorous, and riveting battle that jeopardizes the entirety of The Starlight Revolver. Naturally, I loved every word of it.

And I’m here to report, there’s a lot to like in this script.

What separates this script from an average Space Opera?

It’s the characters, baby.

And the execution thereof that elevates this from the type of Buck Rogers-esque Space Opera that science-fiction novelist Brian Aldiss calls, “The good old stuff.”

Sure, there’s witty Whedonesque repartee and talking Space Suits and chatty cybernetic body parts (not to mention one of my favorite characters, Renko’s loyal robot, Bill.1), but there’s some emotional depth that really makes this script more than an entertaining pulp actioner. It does something that doesn’t just make me care about a protagonist or merely be interested in his endeavors.

It makes me feel.

See, Renko Vega isn’t just a disgraced cosmonaut who has become a space pirate. He’s a hero, and DelRio remembers him as such, “Renko Vega was one of the first interplanetary astronauts. When I was your age he was always on the newsfeeds, ‘Renko Vega Leads Scientists in Exploration of Mercury’, ‘Renko Vega Saves Sixteen off Ganymede.’ He singlehandedly flew into the heat of Tartarus and towed out a disabled lightship. Renko Vega. Even his name was magical. They wrote songs about him –- Which made it all the more disappointing when he screwed up.“

Renko is a character who wears the veneer of a charming rogue to mask his own hurt, his own fall from grace. He has the chance to redeem himself and clear his name of treason when fate pits him against Bevilaqua, the man who framed him. But to do so, he has to step out of his comfort zone and actually help other people.

He has to step up and be what he once was, a hero.

How are the stakes raised in Act 3?

Without giving too much away (you guys really should read this for yourself), there’s a pretty major reversal that involves the bad guys getting control of Jennifer 9.

If there’s a spaceship battle involved, it might mean Renko has to battle his own ship (and best friend) in the more low-tech Bloody Henry.

It’s the stuff in the finale that moved me the most. Because it’s a situation where Renko is forced to harm a machine that he’s always seen as a person. In fact, Jennifer 9 has been the main friendship (and crutch) that’s nurtured him all these years. And what’s heartbreaking, is that he believes he’s worthless without her.

In a weird way, it’s like a husband faced with the potential loss of his wife. What will he be without her? What worth will he have? How will he move on? What will happen to his sense of identity once he loses his partner and best-friend?

I’ll just say that there’s a heartwrenching and redemptive speech during the middle of a battle that almost seems to physically slow down time. It’s amazing writing, and for me, it’s the heart and soul of this script.

And it’s a cinematic moment that, for an artificial intelligence, is an instance of singularity that convinces an audience that a machine is capable of human feeling. It’s really good.

I haven’t really talked about some of the other great moments. Like how funny Bill.1 is or the great scene where Bevilaqua tortures the twelve brains of the Starlight Revolver. Or the budding friendship between Renko and DelRio.

It’s something you should discover for yourselves.

“Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine” is a colorful New Wave Space Opera that has the comical ingenuity of “Galaxy Quest”, the slick narrative gestalt of “Dr. Who”, and the engaging character drama of “Star Wars”.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Is there a theme more powerful than redemption? I struggle to think of one. Maybe it’s the man inside me that feels stained, that feels like I need to somehow find a way to “right” things. I don’t know. Maybe it’s why I like noir so much. Characters trying to wash the blood from their hands, characters trying to balance a ledger that’s been corrupted by their own misdeeds and mistakes. I connect with these characters, and I love it go on the journey with them as they try to break through a wall and come out a more honorable person. It’s not only cathartic, there’s something about it that’s peaceful to me. In Renko Vega’s case, what’s so astounding to me is that he’s a character that re-discovers his own worth. He’s a character that learns how to believe in himself again. And belief, the ability to hope and to dream and to matter, that’s a powerful thing. I think, as writers, we shouldn’t be afraid to aim high. To dream big. Don’t be afraid. And writing about redemption, well, I think that’s as high as you can get…

ROGER INTERVIEWS JOHN

Since there’s advance word that John Raffo’s script, “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine” is going to be on the 2009 Black List (and I’m not surprised), I thought it would be a good idea to interview the man himself.

Raffo broke into the industry after the infamous 1988 Writer’s Guild strike when his spec script, “Pincushion”, sold for $500,000 to Columbia. Amy Pascal bought it for Scott Rudin to produce. It’s still considered one of the best unproduced screenplays in town. At one point, Demi Moore attached herself because Joel Silver told her it was the best script he ever read.

Raffo’s theatrical credits include Rob Cohen’s “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story” and “The Relic”, directed by Peter Hyams. He was asked by the producers of the latter to doctor-up the action sequences. Raffo directed “Johnny Skidmarks”, a script he co-wrote with William Preston Robertson, a writer he met through the Coen brothers. The film stars Peter Gallagher, Frances McDormand, John Lithgow and Jack Black. Raffo was also the writer tasked with translating the classic Neal Stephenson cyberpunk novel “Snow Crash” from prose to screenplay.

Raffo is a Hollywood veteran and has been writing and selling screenplays for two decades, and accordingly, he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom concerning the craft. I’d like to publicly thank him for taking time out of his busy schedule to talk about his screenwriting career.

RB: You made big waves when you broke in with your science-fiction script, “Pincushion”. How many scripts did you write before “Pincushion”? And — why did you turn to screenwriting in the first place?

JR: I wrote one script before Pincushion, a thriller. It was terrible. I kept trying to rewrite it but I had a filmmaker friend who had the good sense to tell me to throw it out and start something new. Of course at first I hated his advice and tried to ignore it, but ultimately, he was right. I already had the idea for “Pincushion” and started working on that.

At the time I was a photographer working in New York. I made a decent living but I really wanted to move into film… and didn’t want to be a cinematographer. That seemed like a more natural move but ultimately would be just me shooting someone else’s stories. I wanted to be the storyteller. Screenwriting seemed like the place to start. I had an actress girlfriend at the time and I read all the scripts that she got, and I solicited them from other people I knew. Of course there was no Internet, no digital medium at all. Scripts weren’t published; you couldn’t buy them in a store. It wasn’t easy to get your hands on them at all.

RB: Twenty years later, “Pincushion” has yet to be made, but it’s still a script people remember and talk about. Was there ever an attempt to pigeonhole you as the guy that wrote solely science fiction and action?

JR: I’m not sure how much they remember it anymore, and I’m not sure how much it helps to be the guy who’s been around that long (my agents tell me never to talk about how long I’ve been working). But, no, I don’t think I was ever pigeonholed as a sci-fi writer… though I LOVE sci-fi. All kinds. Still like it, read it as much as I can.

I have been pigeon-holed before though… after “Dragon, the Bruce Lee Story” came out I got tons of martial arts stuff sent to me and tons of “bio-pic” ideas. I remember someone sent me a huge box full of stuff they had gathered for a movie about the life of Connie Francis. I’ve got nothing against Connie Francis and I’m sure her life would make a wonderful movie, but I have no idea why anyone would think I’d be interested in writing it. And the parts of Bruce Lee’s life that interested me really had nothing to do with Kung Fu. That’s like being interested in car chases. A car chase in and of itself is kind of meaningless… it’s really what motivates the chase that’s interesting….

RB: You wrote “Pincushion” on a typewriter. Do you think this affected the voice and tone of the script? And, do you ever break out the typewriter for your current work? Or are you strictly a computer guy now?

JR: Hmm… did I say I wrote “Pincushion” on a typewriter? That’s only partly true. I certainly wrote the first draft or most of the first draft on a typewriter, but by the time it sold I think much of it was written on a computer… an old CP/M machine with a tiny little screen. The floppy drives were unreliable and you needed a bunch of them to store a script. Chunks of revisions were typewritten but chunks were written on a variety of different computers. I’ve never had a complete draft of the script on a hard drive… and I didn’t know there was a digital draft of Pincushion until I saw it reviewed on Script Shadow a couple of months ago. Of course, I guess that’s a .pdf file… a scan… and it was probably a scan of a paper draft.

I no longer own a typewriter, but I touch-type and I’m pretty fast at it. But I rewrite constantly and only ever from a paper copy. I’m not sure if everyone doesn’t work that way? So, I write on the computer, print, read, scribble a lot on the paper copy, re-enter it in the computer and do it again and again. I’m not facile at writing. It takes me days to write a letter. I think the “voice” you talk about in Pincushion was a product of rewriting myself over and over again. I found the voice along the way, and then tried to maintain it throughout the script.

RB: I’ve heard people say that the average career-span for a Hollywood screenwriter is 3-5 years. You’re a guy that has worked as a screenwriter in Hollywood for 2 decades. First off, how do you do it? And secondly, what advice would you give to a young (or old) screenwriter that just broke in?

JR: Three to five years, really? I don’t know about that. I enjoy writing scripts. I’ve gotten better and better at it. I try to write only what I like, and try not to worry about what people think I should be writing… nobody thought Pincushion (which was set in a post-apocalyptic plague world with a female hero) was a good idea for a Hollywood movie. Nobody thought writing Renko Vega… a space movie… was a good career move. But they are both good scripts and they are what I wanted to write at the time.

But when I get hired to write a story I didn’t initiate, I try and figure out two things: (1) What I can best bring to the project and (2) what the producer or studio actually needs from me. You figure out where those two things overlap and… that’s what you try and write. But you’ve got to be working with like-minded people. You’ve got to find producers and executives who see stuff the same way you do… and you’ve got to be able to give them back what they want… and… it isn’t always what you want. I guess you’ve got to be flexible but still maintain what makes you a good writer. I don’t think of myself as an artist, I’m a screenwriter… it’s a skill you can learn… like making shoes.

RB: Do you prefer creating original screenplays or adaptation work? When adapting an already existing property, what are some of the biggest hurdles you’ve faced in distilling the story into a screenplay? Are there any old scripts out there of yours that you’re particularly fond of?

JR: I like both, but I think I’ve been more successful at writing original screenplays. There’s more room to let the story grow organically that way… and it’s more mine that way. But it’s harder to pull off as well… and, unfortunately, original material is harder to sell than ever before.
There are several unsold specs of which I’m fond. One is called, “The Seventh Sword”… it was an attempt at combining sci-fi with a kind of Kurosawa movie: A soldier is sent to a distant planet to put down a rebellion by the colonists. The counter-rebellion fails and his comrades leave him behind. The planet has a chemical makeup that is unfavorable to explosive weaponry so there are no guns. The hero is a kind of neo-Samurai who carries a legendary sword known as a “Malathane”. There’s another busted spec called “Hydra” that’s a kind of contemporary techno-thriller about a guy who discovers his dead brother created a computer program that’s turned dangerous. He’s got to figure out how to turn it off. It’s one of those giant continent-spanning chase movies. I was shooting for a modern version of “The 39 Steps”… one of my all time favorites.

There’s also a smaller independent thriller called “The Lake” that I wrote with Robert Harmon for him to direct. I’m very proud of that script as well, but we’ve been unable to get the money and the cast all at the same time.

RB: I want to bring this up for selfish science-fiction nerd reasons, but you were the screenwriter who adapted the famous Neal Stephenson cyberpunk novel, “Snow Crash” for producers Frank Marshall and Kathleen Kennedy. Can you shed some light on this project for us?

JR: I read that novel when it first came out in trade paperback in ’93 or ’94 and, once I got into it, I loved it. Talk about a voice… Neal Stephenson has a voice. A year or so later I discovered that Kennedy/Marshall had optioned the book… and I knew a guy who worked for them… and they were looking for a writer. But, here’s the thing… I didn’t really think the book would necessarily make a good movie. It was certainly going to have to be vastly different than the book. I passed. Twice. But they were determined to make it into a movie and it was by far the best opportunity for employment out there. But, by that time, maybe ’95, the book had become pretty popular and I no longer felt I could cut the book up as much as was probably necessary… it would have been kind of unrecognizable… and, for me, Neal was and is, pretty iconic. He is a real writer. But through the process… he was incredibly helpful and gracious and available and… he read and reread and reread everything I wrote. And I found myself pretty able to mimic his voice… that William-Gibson-with-a-sense-of-humor-thing he does. And he seemed to genuinely like the script. It was, like the book, crammed full of stuff. It was interesting, but… and here’s the thing… I’m not sure it was ever going to be a great movie. A cool movie, sure. One that sticks with you maybe, but is it one a lot of people are just dying to pay eleven bucks for… I don’t know.
Then they tried to find a director. Marco Brambilla came in and I wasn’t involved anymore. So that’s my story.

RB: What was the genesis for “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine”?

JR: Back around 2001, I had this idea for the character… a fallen astronaut in the future gone rogue… he’s become a small time pirate, a kind of charming second-story man. And I had the idea for the space liner and bad guys would appear and he’d have to be heroic again. I didn’t exactly know what to do with it but I knew I wanted it to be funny and I wasn’t sure I could do it by myself so I took it to my friend, Ryan Rowe, who’s much more of a comic writer than I am. Over emails and coffee we beat out a story. The Jennifer 9 was in it, the “Nebulon” was there, the villain, the jewel, and Bill.1. We turned it into a three-page treatment and took it to Jon Shestack (who is a big sci-fi buff and a guy who I’ve worked with before) and he liked it and helped us a little on the story and we took it out as a pitch. We went to a couple of likely places and we got hammered. No one wanted a space movie. They weren’t polite about it. So, we threw it in a drawer and it sat there for a couple of years. Until sometime in 2007 or so, I was looking for something to write and complaining and Shestack said, “The best thing you haven’t written is Renko Vega.” He went on to say, that if I wrote the first act, he could probably sell that. That was BS of course, but it sounded easy enough, so I called Ryan and he told me I was crazy and he was too busy, so I wrote the first act myself and it’s pretty much is what’s in the script now. Jon showed it to a couple of people, and of course they said, “What am I supposed to do with this?” By that time I was pretty committed to the story and decided to just write the rest, despite the misgivings of almost everyone. Of course, by the time I finished it, Star Trek was in production and there were other space movies on the scene so… I don’t know. There’s some kind of lesson in there.

RB: I loved the characters in “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine”. Can you tell us a little about your process when it comes to creating and writing characters? What’s the secret to creating memorable characters? And does this approach differ when writing villains?

JR: I don’t really have a cogent answer for this. The characters I write are all versions of me, or who I’d like to be, or who I would not like to be but fear I am. Villains, heroes, male, female, they’re all me. When they’re not versions of me, they don’t work very well.

So, when you need one, how do you make yourself into a thirteen-year old girl? You don’t. You pretend. In “Podkayne of Mars”, Robert Heinlein wrote a whole book in the voice of a pre-teen. It was great and I think he was an ex-Naval officer in his sixties at the time. Of course, it might be interesting to note that when I was writing Renko Vega, I had a thirteen-year-old daughter… (now fourteen). She is completely unknowable to me, but I asked her to read some of “the girl’s” stuff in the script. She did and said, “I don’t where you’re going with this… seems pretty stupid to me…” which is pretty much what the character would have said, so… I felt like maybe I was getting it right.

I remember when I was working on “Snow Crash” I went to visit Neal in Seattle, and we were walking down the street (to the original Starbucks (“the mothership”, Neal called it)) and I asked him how he got the tone for “Y.T.’s” dialogue (I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to capture it, it’s singular stuff). We passed a newstand and he said, “Here,” and walked over and grabbed a couple of skateboard magazines… “I got it from here. This stuff is priceless.” And of course, he was right, it was right there. He just mashed up that skateboard-surfer-dude stuff, processed it in his head and… out came this great character. And I thought, well, if Neal, great man of letters that he is, can use such a humble source, than so can I. Now I don’t worry about it.

On a side note, when I asked Neal trepidatiously if he minded my trimming some stuff from the book, he said, “Are you kidding? That’s just… plot!” I don’t think he gives a damn about plot, which is why his books are what they are. It’s all about the stream of consciousness for him. I don’t think a screenwriter can think that way. My work is mostly in service of the plot. The plot’s gotta be right, cause everything hangs off it.

RB: Let’s talk about action sequences and set-pieces for a minute. In a modern-day movie climate where blockbusters often sacrifice the overall story for action-scene spectacle, how do you balance character and story amid all the explosions and fisticuffs? What are the things you take into consideration when designing an action sequence and making it organic to the bigger story?

JR: Well, that’s certainly what I want to do… balance character and plot and action… but, judging by a lot of stuff that’s out there, I’m never sure anyone but me really cares. I get really bored watching movies where everything’s exploding. I need characters I care about first, then they can run around and do cool things. You create a character, then you create a dilemma, then you complicate the dilemma, and the character has to get out the other side, only, because he’s human, he’s gone the wrong way, and he’s got to find another way. Then, in the end, he’s different, his point of view has changed.

RB: Not to get into spoiler territory, but there’s a moment in “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine” that absolutely blindsided me. It was an emotional sucker-punch, and it involved the humanity of the artificial intelligence, Jennifer 9. Do you have any tips on how to make a script connect with readers, how to actually make them “feel” when it comes to your story?

JR: You can’t look at Jennifer Nine as a machine. She’s a character, as valid as any human character. It’s interesting, because it was one of the things that wasn’t really in the original concept. But we realized (by we I mean myself, Jon, and Ryan. Those guys read every scene as I was writing…) that the story was gaining depth… more than I think we originally intended. Renko was always affable but also bitter, he hates society, hates people and surrounds himself, however unintentionally with machines. He loves the machines… and very simply, the machines love him back.

I’m not sure if it was the cause or the result, but the “hand” and the “suit” all appeared as I was writing. That finally, is the beauty of writing on spec. You can let stuff bloom… and that relationship… Renko and his machines formed the themes of the movie. I stumbled on it all as I was writing. When that happens… I don’t know… it’s awesome.

RB: I want to bring up a little flick you wrote and directed called “Johnny Skidmarks”. It’s a disturbing yet honest noir tale that, I think, makes a great double-feature with something like the Coen’s “Blood Simple”. It definitely feels like a hidden gem. How did the opportunity come about for you to direct? Would you consider directing again?

JR: I co-wrote Johnny Skidmarks (a title I abhor) with William Preston Robertson. Bill is a real writer, an Iowa Writer’s Workshop guy. I met him through Ethan and Joel Coen, who were friends of mine from back in NY. (Ironically, I met them when they were cutting Blood Simple.) I think Ethan and Bill were roommates at one point. I think it was Ethan who suggested we write something together.

Now, Bill and I are not at all alike. Bill is from the South and talks in a magnificent, comical, almost Foghorn Leghorn style. He’s also well educated. I am not; I have no degrees from anywhere and no formal training of any kind. We were a weird mix.

I had an idea for a story about a photographer who works for the cops and as a part of a blackmail ring simultaneously. That’s all I had and I couldn’t figure out how to write it… the story didn’t have any explosions or car chases (or space pirates for that matter)… nothing I thought I needed to write a screenplay. I told the story to Bill and he liked it enough to come to my house and camp out. He was there for three weeks… exactly 21 days… and we were done. The fastest I’ve ever written anything. I learned a lot from Bill. When something’s not working in a script or scene, I usually stop until I figure it out. Bill doesn’t, he writes around the problem… and he is completely capable of knocking you out with his gift for words.

The script was well-liked and it was always written with the intent of my directing, but it took five years to find the financing. Finally we put together enough cast to generate some money and we made it. When it was finished we cut it and were preparing to enter it into various festivals including Sundance. But the financiers simultaneously took the movie to Mifed and sold it to HBO. We were however, invited to screen it at Sundance that year. I took the movie up there, where it screened once at a midnight show on a Sunday night. The next day Variety reviewed the movie and it was brutal. The reviewer absolutely hated it and hated me… and the financiers vanished with the only print. It played on HBO for a while, a slightly shorter, better version than the DVD version and that was it.

I have mixed feelings about the movie; I only see the things I could have done better. I’m not fond of the violent, almost sadistic vibe the movie wears. Were I to do it again, I would do it differently.

I’d like to direct again, but it was hard on me and hard on my family… and by the end of it… it took too long. I didn’t write anything, didn’t create anything for almost three years from the beginning of prep to the end of the movie. Not a great way to run your career.

And that three-to-five year career thing, you mentioned earlier? It’s worse for directors. Hollywood treats writers and directors as commodities, this is true. We are all replaceable. But it’s worse for directors. In my opinion much worse.

RB: Along with your own success, you’ve worked with a lot of successful people. Is there a parallel you tend to see with successful people in this business (whether they be writers, directors, or whomever)? Is it all about talent? Or is there something more?

JR: I don’t know how successful I’ve been. I’m a screenwriter and I’m often working and sometimes I even get paid. That’s great. Right now, I’m just trying to write good stuff.
As for other people I’ve worked with… I don’t know. Sometimes it’s talent, sometimes it’s enthusiasm or luck or some combination of the three. Some really talented people can’t get through the door.

I can tell you that my own failures have been almost entirely my own fault. That’s the single thing I’ve learned over the years. I’ve fired agents and managers and occasionally made their lives unpleasant because something didn’t happen the way I thought it should. But Hollywood is not a meritocracy. Deal with it. Move on. Write something else. Write it better.

RB: Your stories deal with the theme of redemption. How important is redemption to you? Do you think it’s important to tell stories about hope?

JR: Yes. No. I don’t know. How many scripts are not about redemption or hope? It’s important to me that the characters have hope at the end of a story. I care for them (remember, “they’re all me”!) so…

RB: What’s the biggest difference as a screenwriter now compared to 15 years ago?

JR: Well, it seems like there was a lot more in development years ago, but I’m not sure. I just do stuff one thing at a time… sometimes I’m busy, sometimes I’m not. Lately less busy than before.

RB: What’s the best approach for going out there and getting writing jobs?

JR: If you ask my agent or manager that question, they would tell you that I am the worst person to give you an answer. I look like a troll, I’m not loquacious, and I’m not real great at pitching. But when I get it, a story or a character, I really get it and have been able to communicate that. If I don’t get it, I can’t fake it, I just plain suck.

RB: Is there anything else you can tell us about the current status of “Renko Vega and the Jennifer Nine”? And, can you tell us anything about the new scripts your working on now?

JR: People have been flirting with Renko Vega. It has a lot of fans. But it hasn’t landed anywhere. We’re trying to get a director on it. There are some good directors who like it who might not be big enough. I try and stay out of it.

I’m working on a couple of things, rewriting an old spec (my reps hate when I do that, but I’m not terribly good at giving up on things), preparing a pitch based on a graphic novel… a kind of family-oriented spooky thing. I’m preparing another original story… that might wind up being a pitch or a spec, it has aliens and talking dog (deal with it)… another family movie.

RB: Okay, one of my last questions. ScriptShadow is a site that emphasizes how important it is for amateur screenwriters to read scripts. In a way, it’s like stealing fire from the gods. How much emphasis would you put on reading in general for someone who wants to be a screenwriter? What type of things would you encourage fledgling writers to read and absorb?

JR: I don’t read that many scripts… not because I don’t like them, I do, but you can’t really steal from them (!) Every script I’ve written comes in some way, from other material. Sometimes it’s just inspiration, sometimes there’s a little kernel of an idea that the original author ignored but I want to explore. The source could be a newspaper article or a character from a book. It all goes in my head and gets blendered with the other goop and then, hopefully, sometimes, it comes out again.

And I read. I’m a reader. I love books. I guess that’s first and foremost. But when I started out, as I said before, I read a lot of scripts. You have to. But I also spent a lot of time watching movies… in those days I would regularly sit through double features at dusty old repertory movie houses. I’d go back three days in a row and watch six Fellini films or the entire Mario Bava canon… or Hitchcock, I’m a huge Hitchcock fan, which is interesting because he never went near sci-fi… which of course, I adore.

But it’s good. ScriptShadow’s good. I appreciate the discourse you guys generate… because it’s about scripts, stories, and it’s not about who’s buying what or the chess game of Hollywood. I can’t control that… so I don’t want to focus on it.

But I don’t entirely buy the idea that scripts are “artful” though I’ll admit to some confusion on this point. As a writer, I’m not an artist… or don’t look on myself that way. Rather, I’m a craftsman… a shoemaker, as I said. I try and make a good shoe. But here’s the dichotomy… there are ugly shoes and there are beautiful shoes. I want to make beautiful shoes that people want to wear and want to walk in. Know what I mean? Yeah, it’s complicated, but then again, it’s not.
What’s your favorite script that you’ve read? And are there any unproduced scripts out there that you’ve read over the years and loved?

It might be better if I leave the unproduced scripts to you guys. Your knowledge (and your readers, I imagine) is far more catholic than mine. Since I see a lot of broken scripts (or I used to anyway), I might know those better than ones I’ve loved. And the scripts I tend to read these days are either already in production or headed there.

I can tell you that, early in my career, there were two scripts I read that opened my eyes as a writer. The first was, “Raising Arizona”. There’s so much beautiful language in there and the first fifty pages are… well they’re a lesson in screenwriting. I like the script better than the movie. The second was “Silence of the Lambs”. Everything in the book is in the script, but the book was 400 pages long! I still don’t understand part of the plot (Hannibal Lecter’s relationship with Buffalo Bill) and Ted Tally didn’t fix the problem, he just left it alone, only weirdly, it was done with such skill, I didn’t care.

RB: And are there any books that you’ve read that you wish were being turned into movies?

JR: Have to hold back a little on this, for my own selfish purposes, but I think in the classic sci-fi scene I’m a little baffled as to why no one’s better exploited the Robert Heinlein library. I’m not talking about “Stranger in a Strange Land” which is too obviously a Christian allegory, but “Moon is a Harsh Mistress” and a lot of the earlier “juvenile” stuff is pretty cool. I don’t think there are easy adaptations in this stuff, Heinlein was funny and ribald and, oh yeah, a bit of a fascist. But, in my opinion, he was an infinitely better writer than someone like Asimov, who’s stuff is borderline unreadable.

Of course, we all would like to see a great version of “Ender’s Game” brought to the screen. I don’t understand why that can’t happen.

Robert Silverberg is always interesting, his stuff is diverse, and he’s still kicking ass. (Perhaps I should have mentioned Greg Pruss’ version of “Passengers” above. Great script.)

Of more recent sci-fi writers, Connie Willis might be the best… especially the time travel books. “Doomsday Book” would make an awesome mini-series… but I don’t think I could sell it. That book will rip you up. It’s nice to see someone doing something with hard sci-fi like in “Flashforward”. Robert Sawyer is more than worthwhile. Interesting that he’s found a home on network TV.

Hey, you know what, they’ve made and remade all those English costume dramas, Jane Austen and the Bronte stuff, and they keep making pretty boring movies out of Shakespeare’s plays, but for me the most interesting dead English writer is Charles Dickens. Dude could tell a story. If he were alive he would have written Harry Potter.

I’m sure there’s another hundred things I’m forgetting.

Ask me again tomorrow.

Genre: Drama
Premise: Crash-like look at how technology has disconnected us.
About: Marc Forster will be directing this one. Forster’s trying to rebound from the backlash of the difficult-to-follow “Quantum of Solace”, a movie that many critics faulted for its plodding screenplay. Forster is on record as shaping the entirety of the script, so if you didn’t like it, he’s definitely the one to blame. The thing with Forster is that he’s always gravitated for the brooding, the sad, the depressing, and Quantum of Solace was all about the brood. In other words, if you hire a cow, don’t be surprised when you get milk. Anyway, “Disconnect” is much closer to his sweet spot. It’s got that indie feel, and plenty of depressed people to exploit. — Producer William Horberg will produce for Nala Films. Nala’s Darlene Caamano Loquet and Emilio Diez Barroso optioned the script and will act as producers. William Horberg and Brad Simpson will also be producing. Nala’s recent credits include “Dan in Real Life” and “In the Valley of Elah,”. They’re currently in post-production on the supernatural thriller “Shelter,” starring Julianne Moore and Jonathan Rhys Meyers, which I wouldn’t mind taking a look at (hint hint – ahem).
Writer: Andrew Stern
Details: 125 pages (July 11, 2008 draft)

Disconnect is what you might get if the founder of Google saw Crash and said, “Hey, we should do that… but with the internet!” The script is really trying to say something about the state of the world. But I’m afraid that in all its preaching, it may have forgotten to add an interesting story. I’m not going to discount Disconnect because I’m a fan of multi-storyline ensemble pieces, but I couldn’t help but feel, while reading it, that I was watching a play where all the characters were speaking another language. I witnessed the emotion. I witnessed the pain and the hurt. But because I couldn’t understand what was being said I wasn’t able to *feel* it. It just never allowed me in. Ah, but Carson, it’s called “Disconnect”. Isn’t that the point? No. Even in a movie about our lack of connection, we still have to connect with the characters. We always have to connect to the characters.

The first act of Disconnect is not unlike a college history lecture. Lots of people are introduced to us so if you didn’t break your notebook you’re pretty much screwed. You have Jay, a Wall Street prick who likes looking at young girls online. You have Mary, newly appointed Director of Investigation and Enforcement for the Federal Trade Commission. You have Cindy, whose ill-fated attempts to get pregnant have led her to an online message board for unhappy people. There’s her husband Derek, who’s so attached to his laptop he even surfs the internet during dinner (ugh, that one hits a little too close to home). There’s Rich Boyd, a brilliant tech entrepreneur. There’s his wife Lydia, who updates the most mundane things on her blog regardless of how personal they are. Their daughter Abby has 3000 Myspace friends and their son Ben uses the internet as a desperate bid for any friend, since he doesn’t have any in real life. There’s Peter and Keri Dunham, who just found out their 11 year old has been watching gang-bang pornos online. There’s Mike Dixon, a former cop who’s dedicated his life to helping parents monitor their children’s online activity. And that’s only the beginning. There are many more.

I don’t really know how to review Disconnect. Its stories are watchable, but never compelling, the way you’d expect observing a regular person through their daily routine might be. The most exciting thing about it might be checking their e-mail to find out an old friend said hi. It’s not as mundane as Gus Van Sant’s “Elephant”, but large chunks of screenplay do go by with very little happening.

The two storylines that take precedence are Ben Boyd (the son with no friends) being baited by two kids online to kill himself (one of whom is Mike’s son, the cop who specializes in monitoring children online). The other, and my favorite of the script, is when Cindy (can’t get pregnant) and Derek realize that their identity has been stolen and their entire bank account’s been wiped out.

Ben’s story was disappointing because it was blatantly ripped from the headlines (If you remember, there was that girl from Myspace who killed herself for the exact same reason). But the identity theft storyline was good. Part of its appeal is learning just how terrifying identity theft can be. It’s not just stealing a couple hundred bucks from the ATM machine. It’s someone having access to every single piece of information from your entire life. It’s people being able to become you, to open accounts in your name, to commit crimes in your name, to sell your identity to others. Anybody who knows how difficult it can be to get an incorrectly assigned parking ticket off their record can imagine what it must be like to get a crime erased that you didn’t commit . But what I really liked was that it was the one story that really *showed* how technology’s torn us apart. Cindy and Derek are the married couple who have drifted apart over the years. Forced to work together to solve the mystery of *how* their identity was stolen, the two must reveal to each other their extensive private online activities. In the process, they learn things about each other they never would’ve learned otherwise – both the good and the bad (but mainly the bad). It’s an extremely powerful point Stern makes in regards to how little we know about the person we spend every minute of our life with. I wish the rest of the stories could’ve made their point as effectively.

There are some other storylines as well. A reporter goes after an online quasi-porn webchat ring that exploits teenagers. A non-religious guy poses as Jesus in webcam chats to hawk faith-based merchandise to help his girlfriend pay for hospital bills for her cerebral-palsy infected sister. Mary (Federal Trade Commission job) is haunted by some sexually explicit e-mails she wrote more than a decade ago. She sees the job she’s spent her life trying to get slipping away in a matter of minutes. The threads range from obvious to imaginative, but never quite capture the personal wallop that the identity-theft storyline does.

I have a ton of respect for Stern because these scripts are a bitch to pull off. I know from experience. I think the big mistake writers make in approaching them is to focus more on how everybody is connected rather than making the individual stories as good as they can possibly be. Do that first and *then* try to connect your stories so you can have that Robert Altman “Short Cuts” moment where two people we know well but who don’t know each other, pass one another by in a store, obliviously.

Disconnect brings up that often-asked question: Is technology bringing us closer together or pushing us further apart? There’s a moment in the script where the mom doesn’t know where in the house her son is. So she IMs her daughter who in turn texts her brother to come downstairs. I think the intention of the sequence is to make us look pathetic. But is it really that much of a downgrade from: “BEEENNN! GET THE HELL DOWN HERE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!!”? That’s the way I grew up and I have to wonder, is it any better? Either way I applaud Stern for giving both sides of the argument, even if he makes it blatantly clear which side he falls on. As I lay back in my couch, typing away on my laptop, simultaneously checking my e-mail, watching streaming tennis matches from the U.S. Open, occasionally browsing new music on Itunes, preparing to upload this document to my blog…uh, I think we know which side I fall on too.

This script is still a few drafts away from achieving what it sets out to be. For that reason, I can’t quite recommend it, but it’s definitely interesting.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: When you have a million characters in your script, it’s okay to remind the reader who they are the second or third time around. For example, the second time we see Jay, Stern writes something like: “Jay (the Wall Street prick we met earlier) barrels down 5th avenue.” It’s definitely a judgment call but I recommend you consider it if you’re setting up a ton of characters in your first act. The reality is we’re probably not going to remember them all and will need a little help.

Labor Day Schmabor Day. Scriptshadow doesn’t take days off. What is Labor Day anyway? A day off in celebration of “labor”? We need more holidays like that. Here’s my question. Us U.S.’ers have been around 300 years and we have about a dozen holidays that give us days off. How is it for you countries who have been around for 2000 years? Do you guys have like 100 holidays? Every other day must be a holiday. What am I even talking about right now? Back on point. Today, we actually have a spec sale to cover. Outside of Fuckbuddies – which was really a replacement for the case of the disappearing Cameron Crowe – we haven’t had many of these lately, cause there just haven’t been that many. Which means all of you are slacking! Get out there and sell some scripts so I can review them! – I haven’t read Barnaby James but from the description, it just goes to show that you don’t need to write the next high-concept comedy or thriller to sell a script in this town. And that if you have a script that’s a little different, Appian might be interested (remember – DiCaprio bought the very “un”spec-like “The Low Dweller”) – As for the rest of the week, expect a rare double-review where I team up with one of our readers to tackle the latest from one of the bigger writers in town (and someone I’ve reviewed a few scripts from on the site already). Also expect another rarity: Me reviewing a horror script. A horror script I thought was quite good in fact. Also we’ll take a trip back to a script that Spielberg, when he read it, said was the best script he’d ever read up to that point. The script never got made. Also, I’m learning that Spielberg says that kind of thing a lot. And as for the final review, we’ll keep that a mystery for now. Here’s Roger Balfour with his review of The Many Deaths Of Barnaby James…

Genre: Horror, Dark Fantasy
Premise: A teenage apprentice in a macabre circus for the dead yearns to bring his true love back to life, but not before encountering the many dangerous and gothic characters that stand in his way.
About: 2008 Black List script. Sold to Appian Way in March, 2009. Remember, Appian is Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company. Nathanson is repped by CAA and Benderspink. His script “The Occasionally Interesting Anti-Adventures of an Unnamed Girl” is in development with Scott Rudin at Disney.
Writer: Brian Nathanson
Details: 114 pages (undated)

You ever wonder what the world would be like if Chuck Palahniuk wrote “Something Wicked This Way Comes”? Or what if John Bellairs had a love-child with the Blood Countess herself, Elizabeth Bathory, and their baby boy grew up to write screenplays?

Yeah, these thoughts never occurred to me either, until “The Many Deaths of Barnaby James” found its way onto my hard-drive.

Let’s all pretend it’s a late cider day. The once green leaves have faded to blood-red and autumn herself has wrapped her crisp cloak around your shoulders. Gather ‘round the fire and focus on Roger in the chair as he tells you the one about Barnaby James and his many deaths.

Once upon a time…

…there was a transgendered club owner who called herself Lady Liberty. Spindle-shank skinny and all tattoos and lipstick, a spiked tiara protrudes out of her bluish-green wig. She’s the force of nature behind The Pound, the Mortecita den of sin where the especially seedy and select can be serviced by boys and girls appareled in scant, bordello-red leather.

If your name’s Callahan, you’re probably interested in other taboos of the flesh. Lady Liberty can accommodate you, too. As a VIP, you’ll be escorted past Malacoda, the chain-wielding bouncer, and led into the basement that’s fondly referred to as The Meat Room.

And there you will find stacked glass cases that align the walls like some Freak Show exhibit curated by Eli Roth or Darren Lynn Bousman. Because inside each glass case is a prisoner, a live human being on display as if they were action figures at Toys ‘R Us. It’s a veritable smorgasbord for those who have a taste for American red meat.

Just seeing this live menu causes your eyes to turn yellow, your fangs to jut out.

It triggers The Change.

Because if your name’s Callahan, you’re also a feeder. One of the cursed. And the cursed gotta eat. But don’t touch Play-Thing, the mangled, gibbering mass of scar tissue with female genitalia. She’s already reserved for someone else. But that plump brunette next to her? She’s all yours, friend.

Bon appétit.

But this story isn’t about Lady Liberty or Callahan or the other characters that populate this story. Not really. This is about Barnaby James. Everyone else is more or less a monstrous obstacle on Barnaby’s Campbellian road of trials slash rite of passage.

Who’s this Barnaby chap and what’s with this many death business?

You know anything about Saint Nicholas? And I don’t mean Santa Claus, although this dude’s the prototype. No? Well, he’s a miracle worker of sorts. There’s the legend about the malicious butcher that lured three children into his house. He killed them and put the butchered remains in barrels. Saint Nicholas is the dude that saw through the butcher’s ruse and resurrected the slain children.

I mention this legend for two reasons. 1) Resurrection is both crux and MacGuffin in this dark fairy tale and 2) when we first meet Barnaby he’s digging up a grave in the Church of St. Nicholas cemetery.

Barnaby’s a grave boy.

He works for Azlon. Azlon is showman, businessman, barker and owner of the Black Top. The Black Top is a mysterious travelling carnival and circus. Think Vaudeville cross-pollinated with the Grand Guignol. A sprinkle of Caligari here and a dash of Rob Zombie’s “Living Dead Girl” there.

And, oh yeah, all of the performers are resurrected corpses.

Azlon possesses a wand. It’s about ten inches long. Metallic. It has ancient writing and strange swirling symbols chiseled into its sides.

Now here’s the racket. Grave boys like Barnaby dig up these corpses, and Azlon arrives with his wand. He jams the wand into a specific spot between the corpse’s neck and chest. The wand plunges into the flesh and leaves a telling mark on the body. Purple ichor bubbles out of the mark, enlivening decayed flesh, making the body new again. The deal is, these people are given a second chance at life, but it’s in servitude to Azlon and his Black Top.

You don’t like the terms of the deal, say hello to the business-end of Azlon’s other wand — his boom-stick. After all, the Reaper will gladly chaperone you six feet under for a second time.

Now, Barnaby, he doesn’t remember much before his life with the Black Top. He doesn’t remember how he died. He remembers that he was raised in an orphanage. He remembers that he was rescued from the orphanage by a farmer. He remembers that he worked as a farmhand.

And he remembers Delilah.

He remembers her porcelain skin, her red hair. He remembers that he loved her. He still loves her. He loves her. And every time the Black Top passes through Mortecita, the longing for Delilah becomes overwhelming. Because Mortecita is Delilah-Ground Zero. It was their home before all the bad came to pass, and it’s her home now.

Mortecita is the resting place for Delilah’s corpse.

And every year Barnaby begs Azlon to resurrect her. She’s an angel. She’s so beautiful she could be a lead attraction. It’s how Rob Zombie must feel about Sheri Moon Zombie. But every year Azlon must dissuade the boy. But this year, Barnaby is not going to take ‘No’ for an answer.

Nope.

Barnaby steals Azlon’s wand and escapes the Black Top. He embarks on a journey to find the final resting place of sweet Delilah so that he can resurrect her. Lovers reunited.

You still haven’t told us about Barnaby’s many deaths…

And spoil the fun? Okay, I’ll throw out some bones.

Barnaby has a huge problem. And that problem is the bounty hunter employed by the Black Top. They call him The Fiddler. He’s sort of an assassin-troubador. A murderous minstrel. Has a nasty switchblade attachment on his fiddle bow. Likes to kill things.

If Barnaby’s presence in Mortecita isn’t enough to send its underworld into a frenzy, then the unleashing of The Fiddler all but guarantees a maelstrom of people stabbing each other Michael Myers-style to simply make it to dawn alive.

And like Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, and countless other fairy tale children before him, Barnaby has wolves and witches of his own to contend with…

A) Jayce. Twenty-seven. A modern day Don Juan. A necrophile. I wish I could make the word ‘necrophile’ blink. But I guess it pops out on its own, doesn’t it? When we first meet Jayce, he’s going to town on a corpse in the Mortecita cemetery. With his dong. Yeah. It’s gross. Anyways, Jayce is in a relationship with…

B) Elena. Early thirties. Although ‘relationship’ is probably too strong a word because she’s more of a beard for Jayce. She’s a Bible-quoting born again who doesn’t put out. But she has her reasons. Elena is a feeder, a were-creature, who is trying to be free of her curse. And Elena’s ex is…

C) Callahan. But we already met him. He’s not so keen on letting Elena put her sinful and flesh-eating ways behind her. He wants his were-mate back, and he’ll do anything to get her back. Even if it means dragging her to The Meat Room himself so she can no longer fight her primal urges.

D) Figueroa. Forties. A salty old dog of a tattoo artist. Sort of a liaison between those that are undead, or if you wanna be PC, ‘re-born’, and the waking world. Barnaby goes to him to cover up the mark on his chest and to find the whereabouts of Delilah’s body. He might even murder Barnaby to get control of the wand…

So yeah, a dark forest of nasty adults. Barnaby may or may not die a few times trying to navigate his way through the forest.

Sounds twisted. Did you like it?

I thought it was pretty damn good. It’s a matter of taste on two fronts. 1) Subject matter and 2) narrative structure.

The content is not going to be for everyone. But that’s okay, nothing is for everyone. I’m a stickler for dark fantasy and fucked up fairy tales. I like both Lemony Snicket and Mario Bava. If those two want to team-up and try to scare the bejeezus out of me, I’m all for it. And that’s what this story feels like. It has claws poking out of it.

If you’re like me, and your favorite holiday is Halloween, then you might love this thing. Because this story pushed all my Halloween buttons, and that’s no small feat. After I finished reading it, I wanted to hand the script to my favorite tattoo artist and say, “Here’s your reference point. Read it. Be inspired. Now slap a full sleeve on me.”

The sense of melancholy in the third act is so intoxicating I might have even shed a tear.

This thing just isn’t all flash, there’s some real storytelling chops at work here. It’s unique. It feels new.

It’s “Sweeney Todd” on X-rated over-drive. It’s “Into the Woods” if every character was trying to kill each other. It’s Sondheim and Hans Christian Andersen distilled through Tim Burton and Dario Argento.

The structure irritated me at first because it was jarring to be pulled out of Barnaby’s point-of-view. I was already settled in with the character and I didn’t want to leave him, and the writing was so good I was kind of surprised that the writer chose to structure the story as a Rolodex-shuffle of rotating perspectives.

But it’s necessary for the story to work. It’s devious. Like Lemarchand’s box. We meet the characters and then Barnaby collides into them. There’s some bait-and-switch moments, and they work. The ending caught me off guard.

Reminded me of a Robert Cormier story. If you know his books, you know he writes about teenagers. And no taboo is forbidden. Every topic is fair game, however shocking. But more interestingly, his protagonists rarely win. And that’s heart-wrenching.

So if you’re willing to go along for the ride, you might also notice this story is laden with the monomyth. From a Campbellian perspective, the writer is tilling some rich fields. It’s not something that calls attention to itself, and I like that about it. But it’s certainly there for those of you who like Joseph Campbell and are into the Hero’s Journey.

If I lived in Los Angeles, and if he were so inclined, I’d love to take Nathanson out for a nice, dark stout and tar-tar and discuss our future careers in serial murder.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Are you using structural trick-flourishes for the sake of style alone? Or does the nature of your story necessitate it? Because the punishment for the sin of the first is that it will damn your story under the label of ‘gimmickry’. You don’t want to be known as the guy or gal that’s all style and no story, do you? But if your story necessitates a structure and style that deviates from traditional dramatic structure and you can pull it off, then more power to you. You must ask yourself, what will make your story more powerful? Do you want to make “Smokin’ Aces” or do you want to make “Pulp Fiction”? There’s an important distinction in there, somewhere…

For those who have forgotten, this is number five in a series of five scripts I’ll be reviewing this week from represented writers who have not sold a script. The exercise is meant to explore the level of quality it takes to obtain agency representation. Enjoy!

Genre: Horror
Premise: The underachieving son of a coal miner struggles to expose a covered-up mining accident that sparked a raging subterranean fire, but is unaware that the fire has kept ominous creatures at bay for the past twenty years.
About: Zach is repped by Brad Kushner at Creative Convergence.
Writer: Zach Nelson

When I was eight years old, my parents took me to The Chicago Museum of Science And Industry to do what every parent back in those days did with their children – trick them into learning something. And of course I responded like most kids do. I stumbled around wondering why everything was much less cooler than I wanted it to be. There were no video games at the museum. There were no televisions. When I was shown a 1000 year old mummy the only thing I could think was, “That poor man’s been stuck in this boring shithole for 1000 years?” After begging to go home, my parents promised me we’d leave after one last exhibit. I rolled my eyes and said whatever the equivalent of “whatever” was back at the time. This particular exhibit, I was informed, was an exhibit about mines. And it just so happened the museum was located on top of a very old mine cave. I perked up a little. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. So we got packed into a rather large elevator with a good 40 other people. Our “guide” closed the doors and we started going down. The elevator was one of those old fashioned “freight elevators” with see through walls. I watched as the outer walls passed by. We were going down pretty deep, I thought.

And down.

And down.

Gradually the outer walls turned to rock. As I had expected to go down about five stories, this was a little concerning to me. I know time is warped when you’re a kid, but I don’t think we were in that elevator less than five minutes. The walls became even darker and dingier. When the hell was this thing going to stop? I started getting worried. But everybody around me seemed to be keeping their cool so I put on a brave face. After this elevator ride to hell finally ended, we were let out into an old underground mine cave. In my estimation we were at least 100 miles below the earth and whatever mine we were in sure didn’t look safe. There were these old wooden beams holding things up. They were cracked and warped. If that breaks, I thought, would the ceiling fall on us? I was growing more concerned by the second. I wanted to get back up to the museum. Our “guide” then went into a lengthy spiel about the history of the mine and how coal was excavated and how if I would’ve been here in 1892 when they first opened the mine, I might have been working here and I couldn’t care less because DIDN’T ANYONE ELSE NOTICE HOW FRAGILE THOSE FUCKING BEAMS LOOKED??? Why didn’t anyone else notice this?? The guide droned on. We were lucky to even be down here, he explained, as the safety requirements for people were just barely met.

No shit Sherlock!

Then all of a sudden, there was a loud BUZZING ALARM accompanied by a flashing RED LIGHT! Jesus Christ! What the hell!?? We were going to be buried down here. Never to be heard from again. The guide started freaking out (finally), saying that the mine was unstable. There was shaking. I wanted to run but where?? There was nowhere to go! I desperately searched for a way out . For some reason none of the stupid adults were alarmed. Didn’t these idiots understand!!?? We were all going to die! “This way!” the guide said. “This way!” I hightailed it in the direction he was pointing, down the mine, around a corner and into…

…….

…….

a cafeteria?

I looked around. Not only was this a wide open cafeteria, 100 miles underneath the crust of the earth. But it was the lower level of what I coulda swore was the place where we entered the elevator. In fact, this entire room looked exactly like the museum. But how had they done it? How had they built a replica of the museum 100 miles beneath the earth? And weren’t we still in imminent danger from the mine collapsing?? Why were people eating hot dogs seconds before their death??

And then slowly my developing mind started putting the pieces together. We had never gone down 100 miles, had we? The elevator was a fake. The rocky exterior walls that passed by were stage props, wound around to make it *look* like were going 100 miles into the earth. I had been duped. I had been tricked. But I didn’t give a shit. I was just ecstatic to be alive. To this day, nothing has even come close to tricking me the way that mine exhibit did. And it’s the reason why, to this day, I am terrified of mines.

Which is why I decided to review The Void – a horror script about a coal mine. This would allow me to face my fears and give you, the reader, something you’re always asking for: a horror script.

Now I just want to make something clear before we go on. People think I hate horror. That’s not true. I just hate bad horror. Which there seems to be a lot of. Mindless plot-less excuses to have monsters slice up or munch up humans is not my idea of a good time. I like depth to my horror. I’m not talking Masterpiece Theatre. Just something that makes the characters real enough so that I care about whether they live or die. Give me a good horror film and I’ll show up opening day.

Is there depth to The Void? Yes, I’d say for the most part there is. Now whether that depth transferred into a good script is another question. After a two-decades old coal mining accident killed his father, Jacob finds himself in the same fucked up going-nowhere situation that his family was in. Except Jacob’s got it even worse. The accident that killed his father (and a bunch of other miners) started a coal fire underneath the town that hasn’t gone out in 20 years. The town is a mess. Pieces of road cave in unexpectedly. The ground is always warm to the touch. And worst of all, work is nonexistent. Jacob gets by on minimum wage – and with a wife and child on the way, he’s desperately looking for a way to salvage his life.

If all that wasn’t bad enough, Jake starts to see strange things in the shadows of the town. The holes that lead down to the burning mines reveal figures, strange lurching 9 foot humanoid creatures. In the woods by his house. On the outskirts near the caves. But are they real? Others believe they’re just hungry wolves. But Jacob witnesses these creatures tear his neighbors to pieces. These are no wolves, he tells the cops. But they don’t want to listen.

In the meantime, the underground fires continue to burn. When Jacob makes the uninformed decision to put out the fire using the local water tower, he’s approached by Eli, an ex-mine worker whose face was disfigured in the accident. He’s informed about a long-held secret about the town. Eli is being paid by the mine’s wealthy owner to keep the underground mines burning. Keep the mine’s burning?? By what would anyone want to do that? Well, apparently, the fire has been keeping a host of these shadowy figures at bay. Now that the fire’s been put out, these hellish monsters will be roaming the streets, killing at will. The only way to stop them is to blow closed all the entrances to the mine. And that’s exactly what Eli and Jacob set out to do.

The Void was entertaining in places and no so entertaining in others. Particularly in the first half of the second act, where there were a lot of scenes with people sitting around talking about their problems. In fact, the plan to actually do something about the burning underground and its hellish occupants isn’t hatched until page 75, which is just way too slow in my opinion. Nelson chooses to use those first 75 pages to focus on the mystery behind the underground mines and the conspiracy to cover it up. But I don’t think there’s enough there to warrant an entire 75 pages of screenplay. These creatures should be out and attacking by at least page 45, probably even 25. And our protags need to figure out what to do about it soonafter. Throw this story into overdrive. See, The Void falls victim to one of the unsolvable problems in the movie industry, which is that the hook is included in the logline, which eliminates every notable surprise the script has for us. Unfortunately there’s no way around this. People aren’t going to read your screenplay unless they know your hook. Even though your hook is the one thing you don’t want revealed until they read your screenplay. In this case, the logline gives away all the secrets in the first 75 pages.

There’s some bigtime irony going on here. I start out telling you to give me a smart character-driven horror story, and Nelson attempts to do exactly that. I just think he went a little too far. He spent too much time getting into these characters’ lives and not enough time getting to the story. To me, the lure here is the underground mines and their creatures. That’s what I wanted to see. And that’s what there’s not nearly enough of.

The other thing I was looking for was more out of the monsters. I like my monsters to be based in some sort of logic, even if it’s logic based off the rules you set up in your screenplay. What I don’t like is monsters that seemingly have nothing to do with the problem. For instance, in one of my favorite horror films of the last few years, The Descent, those creatures were explained as an evolution of man being stuck down in the caverns for thousands of years. I bought that. That made sense to me. Here, you have 9 foot wolf-like men with no eyes. When I try to connect that to a coal fire that’s been burning underground for years, I have a hard time making that leap. I guess you could pass them off as descendants of Hell, but that’s a little too generic for me. The more based in logic your creatures are, the closer – in my mind – they are to reality. And the closer something is to reality, to being outside your door or in your closet, the scarier it is.

So unfortunately I wasn’t the biggest fan of The Void. As with all of this weeks’ writers, Zach knows what he’s doing. It’s simply a case of me not getting into this particular story. But I thank Zack for allowing me to read his script. It was [not] fun revisiting my museum experience from hell :)

Script link: The Void

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The Void actually had *too much* character development. Or, I should say, it went about its character development in the wrong way. In that early 2nd act portion, it felt like every scene we were sitting down with our characters, listening to their problems. Sure this gave me some backstory on who these people were, but it didn’t do so in an interesting way – within the context of a developing story. Anything you’re trying to reveal in your script – whether it be character development, exposition, or plot – you have to bleed it into the story seamlessly. If it feels like we’re stopping to get to know people, you’ve destroyed all that momentum you built up. Every scene should be pushing (and I mean *pushing* – not nudging) the story forward. Instead of having your characters sitting in a room, put them out there investigating the problem and having their discussion as they investigate. That way, you’re killing two birds with one stone. Always keep things moving!