Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli’s scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year’s Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn’t know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let’s face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

Genre: Action/Thriller
Premise: A small group of correctional officers and inmates must band together to fend off a mysterious attack when their prison bus is sabotaged on a remote stretch of highway.
About: This script originally went into select production companies late last year – which landed the writer, Terrance Mulloy, meetings all over town. This new revised draft went wide a few weeks back, garnering the interest of a few A-list producers, and as a result, the writer is now working on a variety of projects. Terrance is repped by UTA and FilmEngine.
Writer: Terrance Mulloy
Details: July 30, 2010 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Back in the day, I used to trade barbs with Terrance on a few screenwriting message boards. I remember him steadfastly defending Avatar two full years before it came out, standing by it through thick and thin (including the advanced screening debacle), and him insisting that the movie and 3-D were going to be the next big thing. I told him 3-D was a gimmick and that people would never accept wearing bulky glasses in a theater. I think it’s safe to say Terrance won the Avatar 3-D battle, but I may still win the 3-D war. :)

Anyway, I was excited when I heard that Terrance was making some noise in Hollywood with his spec script, “Priority Run.” That’s one of the great things about the message boards, is you actually watch, in real time, as writers emerge and find their way into the industry, which makes you realize it’s not impossible – that it can be done. Anyway, I set out to find the script myself and finally, I have it in my grubby little hands.

Priority Run centers around single mother Anna Wilson, a correctional officer at a New Mexico state prison. Anna’s been working around the clock and feeling guilty for neglecting her daughter. So she carves out some much needed vacation time to make it up to her. Unfortunately, the captain’s got other plans. The facility has a priority run – a handful of monster criminals they need relocate to another prison – and the captain wants the experienced Anna on the bus. She says no thanks but it turns out not to be a question. I guess that trip to the aquarium will have to wait.

Anna’s joined on this ride of terror by a jumpy rookie named Calloway, a seasoned vet named Jim, and a generously pudgy driver, Keppler. The prisoners they’ll be transporting are some mean ass motherfuckers, the kind of guys who would make those pussies on Con Air give up an aisle seat. But none of these men comes close to William McBride, who’s what you’d get if you crossed Riddick, the Hulk, and Charles Manson. This guy’s his own fucking Armageddon.

So away they roll on this seemingly routine mission, when out of nowhere, in the middle of the desert, they lose radio and cell phone coverage. This is followed by some dark SUVs in the rear view mirror and all of a sudden this routine mission is looking decidedly un-routine. Sure enough, the cars close in and manage to flip the bus over into a ditch. However, this wasn’t exactly in the plans for the bad guys, as the flip positions the bus in such a way where Anna and the others have perfect cover. Flip fail.

But she and her men are now in a number of predicaments, starting with what they do with the prisoners. Do they unlock them? Can they trust them? They know if they just leave them locked up, they’ll be killed. But who’s the bigger danger? The guys outside the bus or the ones inside? Also, Anna doesn’t know what these bad guys want. Could it be they’re after one of their prisoners? And if that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better to keep them locked up? Whatever the handbook says, it clearly never covered this situation.

As the story unfolds, prisoners are indeed let go and start making up their own protocol. Some guys make a run for it, and just like you’d expect, they don’t get very far. They also learn the real reason behind why they’ve been targeted, which may or may not involve one of the officers. Eventually, they have to make the biggest decision of all, whether to release William McBride. He may just be their only chance at survival, but that’s only if he doesn’t kill them first.

Priority Run is a good old fashioned action film. This isn’t Butter. Men shoot each other. Other men die. We like it.

One of the things I dug right away was the attention to detail. Terrance really sets up the correctional facility and the bus and the prisoners so that you believe this run is happening. Too many writers figure it’s an action film so who the hell cares if it’s authentic. But if we don’t believe in the world you’ve created, we’re not going to believe your story.

I also thought putting a woman at the center of this all was a great choice. Who worse to be in charge of a group of delinquent overgrown muscle-bound killers than a supposedly “week” little woman. It gives the story that “same but different” element which separates it from your average DTV Jean Claude Van Damme vehicle.

Nor is this overstylized nonsense. Anna’s just a working-class woman trying to support her child any way she can. She can’t run up the wall like Trinity or brandish double Berettas like Salt. She’s just a hard-nosed chick in a bad situation trying to survive so she can see her daughter again.

What surprised me was that this kind of thing really happens. They have women officers in male prisons believe it or not. Knowing what I’ve seen on some of those History Channel prison documentaries and how easily a prisoner can kill an officer, this was pretty shocking to me.

My issues with the story center around two things. The first is McBride. I think it takes too long to get him out. I love stories where a character has to depend on the worst possible person to help them out of a jam. That’s why Pitch Black was so good. They needed to depend on the crazy fucked up serial killer who cared about no one but himself to get out alive. Speaking of Pitch Black, imagine if they didn’t let Riddick out until 3/4 of the way through the story. That’s kinda how it felt here. I understood why Terrance did it. The location is extremely small – a bus – so if you bring him out too early, where do you go with him? It’s not like he has an entire planet to roam around on like Riddick did. But still, McBride is the draw here. He’s the potential break out star of this film, and it doesn’t feel like he gets the star treatment. For a large chunk in the middle, he disappears completely, and I don’t think that should happen.

My other main issue was that the plot lacked that one big twist to bust it over the top. Not to keep bringing up Pitch Black, but I loved all the little surprises that film had – when they found out the planet would be bathed in dark soon, that that’s when the aliens came out to feed, when we find out that Johns isn’t a cop, when we find out the boy is a girl. The script never lets you relax which is what made it so fun. In Priority Run, the only real twist is when we find out why they’re being targeted. And it’s not that surprising because we’re expecting an explanation anyway and the explanation is a mite predictable. I think Priority Run could benefit from a few more surprises.

But overall, this is a really fun ride. It’s a blast to see all of Terrance’s influences as he writes, which also happen to be my own: Die hard, Aliens, Pitch Black, The Road Warrior. And Terrance has all sorts of fun writing it, embracing an aggressive entertaining style that starts with the very first line of the script: “Buckle Up.” If Terrance plays his cards right, he could be one of the go-to scribes for Hollywood’s big action films. Really good stuff here. But I still think 3-D is going to die. :)

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Watching Terrance break in, it brought me back to one of the questions posed by a commenter Monday. He asked if a “nobody” writer could ever hope to get his scripts read in Hollywood. I thought Dan’s (writer of Monday’s script) answer was excellent, so I’m re-posting it here:

If you work hard enough you can get your script into many hands in the biz. It will take time and a lot of hard work so you need to be really dedicated to your craft and career.

Join a writers’ group and an online community; read (many) other scripts and give notes and network with fellow writers in your position; you can all trade info and referrals when they come up. Use their notes (and ideally the notes of a pro reader, if you can spend a little extra money, and a pro writer if you can find one who will agree to read your work) to REWRITE and improve your craft. Enter some contests, see how you do, get some feedback. REWRITE. Improve your craft. Write another script, show it to your group, enter a few more contests. REWRITE.

Assuming this script is squarely in a commercially proven genre with a defined audience and at a low budget (hint hint) then post on Inktip.com; gauge the response, hopefully you’ll get a few requests, maybe a few bites. Attend a conference or film festival, do more networking, meet people who may have ins with a manager or a producer so you can make a few more submissions.

When you’re ready, get the WGA list of managers and agents that accept unsolicited material and submit to them. See how you do. You may get some notes, you may not. You may want to REWRITE an existing script based on feedback or you may want to work on a new script that is more focused on a commercial audience and genre so a Rep will look at it as something easier to sell in the current market.

When you feel you’re ready, WORK THE PHONES to get into the bigger offices. It’s not enough to send emails and enter contests, unless you’re lucky enough to win a contest and immediately get signed by a rep, but for most of us, you’re going to want to launch a flurry of cold calls and try to get an ASSISTANT on the phone who will listen to your logline and short pitch and agree to read your script. This will take time and a lot of tenacity but you may end up with a Manager or Producer that is interested in your script.

Rinse and repeat until you make some $$. Keep in mind that may happen at any one of these stages because you never know who might gel to your concept and your execution. It’s all about finding the one person who really likes your material and is willing to sell it to others in town. This may be a scrappy young director with an award-winning short who has $10k from his dentist uncle and wants to make a feature, or it may be a junior agent at UTA or an assistant at Fox Searchlight.

It can be done. It’s done every day. But if you’re not in it to win it then don’t bother. Good luck!

Hey hey hey! I don’t know what it is, but “Teen Wolf meets The Hangover” actually sounds pretty damn cool. That’s saying a lot for someone who only likes one werewolf film (An American Werewolf in London). As for my reviews, this should be a fun week. On Friday I bust out our first Top 25 entry in a loooooong time. It’s a script that debuted in 2007 and almost made it into production then fell apart because the director has like 80 projects on his slate. Can’t imagine someone won’t make it at some point because it’s awesome. Read a heartfelt road trip comedy that was good, and Tuesday I’ll be reviewing a recently sold sci-fi spec that was…well, it was out there. Anyway, here’s Roger the man with his review of Werewolves of Reseda. Enjoy!

Genre: Supernatural Comedy
Premise: Teen Wolf meets The Hangover. A trio of guys turn into werewolves and their suburban family lives benefit from it. Or do they?
About: Brian Charles Frank has story credit on Spencer Susser’s Hesher, which is pretty cool because it seems like he’s associated with the Australian filmmaker collective, Blue-Tongue Films (Animal Kingdom, The Square, I Love Sarah Jane). Hesher debuted at last year’s Sundance Film Festival and stars Natalie Portman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Supposedly, Werewolves of Reseda is Steve Pinks’ directorial follow-up to Hot Tub Time Machine.
Writer: Brian Charles Frank

I’m always hesitant about reading scripts that have one of three things in them: 1) Vampires, 2) Zombies and 3) Werewolves. It’s not that I don’t love all these creatures, it’s just that most screenplays (amateur scripts aside) that feature them are way too familiar or clichéd without bringing anything new to the genres. Also, I had just finished reading a book by Stephenie Meyer and my head was tired of processing her version of the vampire. To her credit, she was going for something fresh, but I felt like I was eating stale popcorn. I couldn’t get excited about vampires that spend most of their time running fast through meadows of flowers and playing baseball instead of murdering and feeding off human beings.

I needed a palette cleanser and I saw the title of this script poking out of the stack, “Werewolves of Reseda”. Who has the balls to put werewolf in their title? And Reseda? Isn’t that where Daniel LaRusso moved to in The Karate Kid? I was intrigued. I opened it with the small hope that I would at least find a scene where a werewolf mauls someone, and that I did find, but I also found a scene where a stoner, experiencing a Last-Night-I-Was-Bitten-By-A-Werewolf Hangover, attempts to pee but discovers that he can’t control the ropy, firehose spray that’s knocking him backwards and shooting everywhere but the toilet.

I was just delighted to find something that reminded me of Office Space, but with werewolves.

And pee jokes.

What’s the story?

Ben Kavanaugh used to wear a cockring. He also used to DJ and make his own beer. Now he spends his days inside of a cubicle at an ad agency, slaving over spreadsheets for his douchey boss, Rod Sloane, a man who is eager to use Ben as his stat jock and numbers guy, but refuses to be his Facebook friend. At his home in the suburbs of the San Fernando Valley, Ben lives with his yoga-instructor fiancé Sophie (this is probably an early draft, because sometimes she’s referred to as his wife, and other times as his fiancé), her mother Margaret, and Margaret’s Pomeranian, Crackers.

There’s trouble in paradise when Sophie tells Ben, “That advertising job was supposed to be a temporary transition. But it’s taken the spark out of you.” Seems like this isn’t the life neither of them imagined, and the blame seems to fall on Ben because he’s not happy with himself. He’s in a rut, so far past the point of suburban contentment that he might even be apathetic. She tells him that if they’re going to be together forever, things are gonna have to change.

And change they do.

Ben takes Crackers out for a walk, partially to get out of the house but mostly because Margaret is shrieking at him, and he runs into his stoner “neigh-bro”, Warren Klingenmeier. Kling’s out smoking weed in the bougainvillea because his female roommate, Bai, is on her period. Ben is reluctant to blaze with Kling, because weed makes him paranoid, but Kling tells him to chill, “Don’t be a pussy, dude. I have Altoids.”

They decide to take a walk near the concrete flood channel of the La River when they run into their African-American neighbor Moran Norris, and his German Shepherd, Michelle Obama. He seems stressed out about his family life with his wife Juanita and their two children, Venus and Serena. Moran’s wife forces him to wear wool sweaters, which becomes a gag that reminds us that Liam Neeson wears similar sweaters.

When Crackers runs off and they have to chase her into the wooded flood channel, they all get attacked and bitten by a werewolf, all set to the tune of Cornershop’s Brim Full of Asha. They’re saved by Rudy, an Animal Control Officer armed with a tranquilizer gun. As Rudy and an E.M.T. treat their wounds, Moran quips, “That thing almost gave me my second vasectomy.”

Rudy takes off his shades to reveal that he’s missing an eyeball, and in full comical raconteur mentor-mode, he explains that it was probably just a feral dog, but that they should continue treating their wounds with ointment until the next full moon. He assures them that this is just an expression. As he’s dropping them off at their houses, he jokes, “And if you experience any…unwanted side effects, especially at night, chain yourselves to the basement until it passes.”
If they were bitten by a werewolf, doesn’t that mean they’re gonna become werewolves?

Yep.

The next morning Ben wakes up with bad-ass mutton chops, long nails, a crotch bush and super-hearing. And he also wakes up ambitious. He confronts Rod in his office and tells him that he wants to be on the lead sales team. Rod scoffs. Undeterred, Ben follows Rod and his number one closer, Vance, to a steakhouse where he crashes a client meeting. He manages to impress Jo Childs, the Filipino owner of a beer distribution business and Rod is forced to promote him to the lead salesman on the account. Ben’s aggressiveness captures the ire of Vance, the de facto alpha dog of the agency, but Ben, with his newfound confidence, references Road House when confronted by him, “I fucked guys like you at boarding school.”

Meanwhile, Kling and Moran experience similar changes and outlooks on life, and there’s comical stuff that made me giggle like Kling chasing down a taco truck and Moran wolfing down raw bacon in front of his children. Things get out of hand when the guys decide to go party at Chili’s and they get a little too drunk, upsetting some cops at another table, “You’re coming downtown with us.”

“For what?”

“Public intoxication and disturbing my fucking onion rings.”

“That is bullshit, your honor.”

Our trio consider battling the cops, but Vance defuses the situation, revealing that his family owns the building. Vance takes them into his office, a master man-cave that even has a statue of Lee Marvin. He eventually pulls a rifle off the wall, “A Mannlicher Schoenaur two-five-six. Austrian. The exact same rifle Ernest Hemingway used to hunt elephants in Africa.”
Things get even more interesting when he pulls out some silver-tipped cartridges, and confronts them about being werewolves.

Vance is a werewolf hunter?

It seems that way. At first. He threatens them, but right as things get really tense, he reveals that, he, too, is a werewolf. You see, he was just fucking with them. He welcomes them to The Pack.

He informs them he’s here to help them keep their werewolf cravings, temper and boners under control. Can’t have the public learning that werewolves are running around in Reseda. He kicks open another door and reveals The Lair.

What’s The Lair?

It’s basically the ultimate guy hang-out. It has leather booths, flatscreens, the works. It’s where all the werewolves of Reseda come to relax. There are even topless women giving werewolves massages. Moran is flabbergasted. “This place has been behind Chili’s all this time? Fuck.”
Vance introduces them to Science, a cool were-nerd who is going to show them ropes of keeping their true nature incognito. He gives them all werewolf kits, “Portable razor. Use it often. Condoms. You will be getting Australian rock band pussy. Breath mints –- it’s worse than you think.”

Our three guys are going through initiation, and we learn that they must obey three rules. Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Don’t Bite. We also learn that there’s going to be a killer Halloween party, and that a very special moon is coming up. The Native Americans called it The Wolf Moon and it happens only once every hundred years. The Pack seems pretty pumped about the Wolf Moon, which I guess is supposed to be another reason to party.

OK. This all sounds pretty funny. But, where’s the villain?

Of course, it does seem strange that Vance is buddy-buddy with our guys all of a sudden, and it’s true that he has a scheme to destroy Ben’s relationship with Sophie because he’s miffed at Ben challenging his alpha status at the ad agency.

As our guys get drunk on their newfound powers and abilities, their private lives begin to spiral out of control. If Sophie is impressed with Ben’s newfound spark at first, I guess you could say she’s unprepared for the ridiculous acts of manhood that eventually push her away. He gets territorial when her star yoga student, Alan, wants to finance her dream of starting a new yoga studio, “I will beat you at yoga.”

“It’s not a competition, bro.”

“I will fucking kill you at yoga.”

“Fine, you’re on.”

“Loser has to get a bowl cut.”

In another scene, he challenges Alan to a beer chugging match with his fabled family Kavanaugh Horn. Alan’s response is pretty funny. “I was Captain of the Boat Race team at Sigma Nu at Yale. We pounded beers from Martin Van Buren’s skull. I think I can handle a rusty goat horn.”
Kling, the stoner of the trio, manages to bang Bai, the roommate he’s been in love with. But he becomes intoxicated with his newfound ability to bed women, and he throws her to the side as his animal nature takes over, completely debauching himself. Moran is also in dire straits when his reckless behavior threatens his family unit.

There downward spiral is part of Vance’s plan, and we discover that he has something even more nefarious planned for our heroes during the legendary Wolf Moon. And it’s in this last third of the script that Rudy comes to the rescue and the mythology of Reseda and its werewolf history is brought to light. And of course, the resolution involves some pretty bitching werewolf fights.

Cool. But is it moving?

If silly is what you want, silly is what you get. We get that in spades here. Like a lot of these frathouse comedies, perhaps the most satisfying conflict is whether the hero is going to win the girl. It’s not like we see go to see these movies for emotional depth, so I’m not going to try and reduce the script to a pithy sentence about theme.

I do think the structure can be tightened up. As far as character goals go, nothing really feels immediate and the laughs take center stage and what story there is feels tangential. For example, we learn Ben’s dream late in the script, which is to run his own brewery. Sure, there are some hints early on, but I feel like it could be fleshed out more early on. The mid-point to the third act feels so cluttered with important information that it all feels bottom heavy.

The Wolf Moon and its mythology comes so late in the game, and it’s a bit confusing in that convoluted info dump type of way, so much so that I wish bits and pieces were peppered throughout the script so it didn’t feel so cluttered. Vance’s master plan depends on this mythology, after all. It needs to feel simple.

Regardless, I liked “Werewolves of Reseda” because it reminded me of a Todd Phillips comedy (and I think it can be just as successful).

But with werewolves.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Villain bait and switch. Want to make those Act 3 confrontations more surprising? More rich? More fun? Do a villain bait and switch. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Remember in The Lost Boys when the heroes kills Kiefer Sutherland? The whole movie we’re pretty focused on him being the main threat. He gets a lot of screen time as the villain, and even though we like to watch him, we want to see our guys beat him. But when they do, it’s revealed he’s not the Master Vampire. The true threat is revealed and we discover that the heroes haven’t won yet. They have to defeat this new guy, who we’ve seen before, but have sort of forgotten about. Well, this happens in “The Werewolves of Reseda”. And it’s just as exciting. It gives those final confrontations that extra edge and it makes us think of these otherwise nebbish characters in a different light. Especially when we go back to see how it was done.

It’s Unconventional Week here at Scriptshadow, and here’s a reminder of what that’s about.

Every script, like a figure skating routine, has a degree of difficulty to it. The closer you stay to basic dramatic structure, the lower the degree of difficulty is. So the most basic dramatic story, the easiest degree of difficulty, is the standard: Character wants something badly and he tries to get it. “Taken” is the ideal example. Liam Neeson wants to save his daughter. Or if you want to go classic, Indiana Jones wants to find the Ark of The Covenant. Rocky wants to fight Apollo Creed. Simple, but still powerful.

Each element you add or variable you change increases the degree of difficulty and requires the requisite amount of skill to pull off. If a character does not have a clear cut goal, such as Dustin Hoffman’s character in The Graduate, that increases the degree of difficulty. If there are three protagonists instead of one, such as in L.A. Confidential, that increases the degree of difficulty. If you’re telling a story in reverse such as Memento or jumping backwards and forwards in time such as in Slumdog Millionaire, these things increase the degree of difficulty.

The movies/scripts I’m reviewing this week all have high degrees of difficulty. I’m going to break down how these stories deviate from the basic formula yet still manage to work. Monday, Roger reviewed Kick-Ass. Yesterday, I reviewed Star Wars. Today, I’m reviewing The Shawshank Redemption.

Genre: Drama
Premise: Two imprisoned men bond over a number of years, finding solace and eventual redemption through acts of common decency.
About: Often at the top of IMDB’s user voting list for best movie ever, The Shawshank Redemption was released in 1994 and subsequently bombed at the box office. It later became an immense hit on home video.
Writer: Frank Darabont (based on a Stephen King story)

Degree of Difficulty: 5 (out of 5)

Why the degree of difficulty is so high:

The producers of The Shawshank Redemption along with Frank Darabont expressed shock at how badly their movie fared in theatrical release. Sometimes I wonder if anybody in this business understands how the public thinks. If you give us a boring title, throw two actors on a poster who we don’t know very well, set them in a gloomy shade of gray, have them look depressed and confused, then avoid giving us any clue of what the movie’s about…chances are no one’s going to see your movie.

And even if you did find out what Shawhank Redemption was about, did that help any? A couple of guys wallow in a prison for 25 years. Wonderful. Opening Day here I come.

Besides the depressing subject matter, the movie embraces a 142 minute running time. While that’s not in the same boat as Titanic, it’s a questionable decision due to just how relaxed the movie plays. In fact, this wouldn’t be a big deal except that The Shawshank Redemption is missing the most important story element of all: PLOT. That’s right. A nearly 2 and a half hour movie has no plot! There’s no goal for the main character. Nobody’s trying to achieve anything. There’s no inherent point to the journey. Contrast that with another long movie like Braveheart, where William Wallace is on a constant quest for his country’s freedom. He’s beheading Dukes. He’s taking over countries. That’s why we’re able to hang around for 3 hours. We want to see if he’ll achieve THAT GOAL. What is it the characters are trying to get in The Shawshank Redemption? Pretty much nothing.

So when a movie doesn’t have a clear external journey, the focus tends to shift to the inner journey. This usually takes place in the form of a character’s fatal flaw. A fatal flaw is the central defining characteristic that holds a person back in life. Gene Hackman’s coach character in Hoosiers is bullheaded. He does things his way and his way only. Through his pursuit of a state basketball title, he learns the value of relinquishing control to others, which helps him become a better person.

Neither Andy nor Red have a fatal flaw. They’re not forced to overcome any internal problems. I guess you could say Andy keeps to himself too much and eventually learns to open up to others, but it’s by no means a pressing issue. Red speaks his mind at the end and it gets him parole. But refusing to speak his mind never hindered him in other parts of the movie. In other words, there’s no deep character exploration going on with the two main characters. That’s pretty nuts when you think about it. You have an overlong movie with no plot and no significant character development. That would be like Rocky already believing in himself and not having to fight at the end of the movie. He’d just walk around Philadelphia all day hanging out. So the question is, how the hell did Shawshank overcome this?

Why it still works:

One of the main reasons The Shawshank Redemption works is because its characters are so damn likable. Let’s face it. We love these guys! There’s a segment of writers out there who break out in hives if you even suggest that their characters be likable. But Shawshank proves just how powerful the likability factor is. Andy and Red and Brooks and Tommy and Heywood. We’d kick our best friends out of our lives just to spend five minutes with these guys. And when you have likable characters, you have characters the audience wants to root for.

On the other end of the spectrum, Shawshank’s bad guys are really bad. I’ve said this in numerous reviews and I’ll continue to say it. If you create a villain that the audience hates, they’ll invest themselves in your story just to see him go down. Since Shawshank has no plot, Darabont realized he would have to utilize this tool to its fullest. That’s why there’s not one, not two, but three key villains. The first is Bogs, the rapist. The second is the abusive Captain Hadley. And the third, of course, is the warden. Darabont makes all of these men so distinctly evil, that we will not rest until we see them go down. If there’s ever a testament to the power of a villain, The Shawshank Redemption is it.

So this answers some questions, but we’re still dealing with a plot-less movie here. And whenever you’re writing something without a plot, you need to find other ways to drive the audience’s interest. One of the most powerful ways to do this is with a mystery (sound familiar?). If there isn’t a question that the audience wants answered, then what is it they’re looking forward to? The mystery in Shawshank is “Did Andy kill his wife or not?” Now it doesn’t seem like a strong mystery initially. For the first half of the script, it’s only casually explored. But as the script goes on, there are hints that Andy may be innocent, and we find ourselves hoping above everything that it’s true. The power in this mystery comes from the stakes attached to it. If Andy is innocent, he goes free. And since we want nothing more than for Andy to go free, we become obsessed with this mystery.

And finally, the number one reason Shawshank works is because it has a great ending. The ending is the last thing the audience leaves with. That’s why some argue that it’s the most important part of the entire movie. And it’s ironic. Because Shawshank’s biggest weakness, the fact that it doesn’t have an actual plot, the fact that virtually nothing happens for two hours, is actually its biggest strength. The film tricks us into believing that the prison IS the movie so escape never enters our minds. For that reason when it comes, it’s surprising and emotional and exciting and cathartic! There aren’t too many movies out there that make you feel as good at the end as The Shawshank Redemption. The power of the ending indeed!

When you think about it, Shawshank actually proves why you shouldn’t ignore the rules. Doing so made the movie virtually unmarketable. It’s why you, me, and everyone else never saw it in the theater. Let’s face it, it looked boring. Luckily, all of the chances Shawshank took ended up working and the film was one of those rare gems which caught on once it hit video. I’m not sure a movie like Shawshank will ever be made again. That’s sad, but it makes the film all the more special.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[x] genius

What I learned: Shawshank taught me that you can lie to your audience. If you can trick them into thinking one way, you can use it to great effect later on. When Andy asks Red for a rock hammer, the first thing on our minds is, “He’s going to use it to escape.” But Red quickly dispels that notion when he sees the rock hammer himself and tells us, in voice over, “Andy was right. I finally got the joke. It would take a man about six hundred years to tunnel under the wall with one of these.” And just like that, we never consider the notion of Andy escaping again. So when the big escape finally comes, we’re shocked. And it’s all because that damn writer lied to us!

Genre: Drama/Supernatural
Premise: A young man with a promising future is responsible for the death of his brother. When he realizes he can still see and talk to his brother at the cemetery where he’s buried, he abandons his former life and becomes a manager at the cemetery.
About: Starring Zac Efron, Ray Liotta and Kim Bassinger, this script was adapted from the Ben Sherwood novel. You may recognize Sherwood as the author of the book “The Man Who Ate The 747” which Stark reviewed just a few weeks ago. St. Cloud is the project Efron painstakingly chose over reinventing the Footloose brand. One of the writers, Craig Pearce, wrote both Romeo & Juliet (Baz Luhrmann) and Moulin Rouge. The other, Colick, wrote both Beyond The Sea and October Sky. Charlie St. Cloud hits theaters on July 20th.
Writers: Craig Pearce and Lewis Colick, based on the novel by Ben Sherwood
Details: 114 pages – Undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time of the film’s release. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

So Zac Efron wants to be taken seriously. Gone are the dance moves and the high school cliques. Say hello to the new Efron. Period pieces like “Me and Orson Wells.” Thrillers where he plays a CIA spy. He’s even going to portray a coke runner in the drug-fueled Snabba Cash remake. I just feel sorry for those poor teeny boppers. Their pin-up has leapt off the wall. While 17 Again and Me and Orson Welles were appetizers, the first major entree in the “Take Zac Efron seriously” meal is “Charlie St. Cloud,” a drama where Efron actually gets to play a 30 year old (though I can’t imagine they haven’t made him younger since he signed on). It’s heavy on the drama and requires a wider range than anything Efron’s done before. So is the script he signed up for any good?

It’s 1995. Charlie (athletic, tall, good looking, senior class president, basketball star, sailing star) is one of those lucky bastards who won the genetic lottery. He’s got it all. And not only does he have it all, he lives in a town that beats it all – a small postcard of real estate right off the ocean. You know what people do here in their spare time? Sail. Talk about the life. Where I grew up you spent your spare time experimenting with heater forts in order to stay warm through the day.

Charlie’s best friend is his 12 year old brother, Sam. You couldn’t split these two apart with the jaws of life. And that may have been my first problem with the screenplay. In what universe are brothers best of friends, much less brothers who are 18 and 12. Not that big of a deal but my “huh? meter” did start beeping. Anyway, these two like to go sailing together, play catch together, watch the Red Sox together. They’re the best of buds.

But one night while driving home, Charlie smashes his car into something not soft and Sam dies. Wow, that sucks. However, Charlie’s shocked to find out that he can actually SEE Sam at the funeral. He quickly realizes that he has some power to see dead people, and in order to be around his kid brother, Charlie ditches all his previous life plans and takes the managerial job at the cemetery. Twelve years go by before we catch up with Charlie again.

All grown up (and 30 years old), the highlight of Charlie’s day is still seeing his bro. Now there are some rules to seeing Sam. He can’t wave his magic wand a la Harry Potter and say “Samus Appearus!” He can only spend time with Sam at sunset. Before and after the sun sets, no Sammy. Don’t ask me what happens when it’s overcast.

Now as you can probably guess, people in town think Charlie’s a little…….weird. He doesn’t talk to anyone, he doesn’t do anything. It’s all cemetery all the time. And since he can’t tell anyone why, Charlie has to pretty much sacrifice real life for an imaginary one. (On a completely unrelated note I’ve always wanted to write a movie called “Cemescary.” I just haven’t come up with a story yet).

Into the mix pops Tess, a 24 year old beauty who, like that really bad 16 year old Swiss sailor chick who likes to use government money to save her ass whenever she inevitably screws up, Tess too wants to sail solo around the world. In fact, Tess is a little bit of a celebrity, and she happens to be using Charlie’s town as her launching point.

So one day Tess secretly heads off to practice before her big trip and gets stuck in a huge storm. The last thing we see is a huge wave and a cut to black. The next day, Charlie notices Tess at his cemetery. Hmm, I wonder where this is going. So Tess and Charlie start hanging out and falling in love and stuff. This of course starts to infringe upon brother time, and that’s a huge problem, because if Charlie ever misses a day with Sam, Sam will disappear forever.

(MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW)

Now this is based off a book, so I’m not really spoiling anything, but eventually Charlie and Tess realize that she’s dead, which puts a major crick into their relationship because you can’t marry a dead person. I think there’ a law against it somewhere. However, in a late double twist, Charlie realizes that Tess actually ISN’T dead. She’s barely alive somewhere out on her boat and she won’t live unless someone goes out and saves her. Charlie, with his added ESP powers, is the only person who can do this. Of course, if he goes after Tess, he’ll miss his daily meeting with Sam, and that means Sam will be gone forever. What ever will Charlie choose to do?

Man, I have some mixed feelings about this one. It starts off terrrrrible. I mean roll your eyes every 20 seconds cheese-factor times 8 billion terrible. For example, to show how close the two brothers are, they go to a Red Sox game, and the Red Sox hit a game winning home run, which is heading right towards Charlie and Sam. And Charlie holds Sam up to CATCH THE GAME WINNING HOME RUN. I’m not kidding. It doesn’t stop there though. Later, after Sam dies, we get Charlie falling to the ground accompanied by the ubiquitous anguished cry into the sky, “WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!?” I’m hoping some smart editor burned that film. But yeah, there’s enough cheese here to feed half of Wisconsin.

The Charlie and Tess stuff is okay, I guess, but introducing a girl who wants to sail across the world felt like a completely different movie. I suppose inside a 400 page book where you have time to segue and explore different things, it may have flowed naturally. But in the tight constraints of a screenplay, it was like, ‘I thought we were telling a story about a guy who sees his dead brother. Now it’s about a girl who sails across the world?’ It felt clumsy.

But the biggest problem with the script was that outside of the Tess sailing thing, any seasoned moviegoer was 40 pages ahead of the story the whole time. We knew the brother was dying. We knew the girl was dead. We knew exactly how the relationship would unravel. It was hard to enjoy because there just weren’t any surprises.

However, I will admit, things did change in the final 40 pages. I thought for sure they were going to find out Tess was dead, which meant they wouldn’t be able to be together, but then, probably, in a final twist, Charlie would either kill himself or find out he was dead too. Instead, we find out Tess is still alive and from that moment on, you’re genuinely wondering what’s going to happen.

This was highlighted by incorporating “The Choice,” – the moment near the finale where your main character makes a choice between staying the same or changing. For Charlie, that means holding onto the past or moving into the future. If you do a good job setting this up, it can be the most emotionally satisfying moment in the script and the cornerstone of the climax. In a movie like “L.A. Confidential,” for example, Ed Exley (Guy Pearce’s character), has a choice at the end to either continue to “follow the rules” or become “dirty.” He chooses to be “dirty” and shoots the captain in the back. The choice cuts to the very core of what he’s been battling with the whole time, so it resonates. I’m not saying Charlie St. Cloud is on that same level, but I thought the choice itself was well-constructed.

Unfortunately, the first act was way too cheesy and melodramatic, and the love story was only so-so. This shouldn’t bother Zac Efron’s younger female audience base as much, but it did bother me.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If you’re building up to a shocking tragedy in your first act, try not to overdo the “everything’s perfect” scenario that precedes it. I mean the love between the brothers here is so over the top that we knew without question Sam was a goner. Audiences are so savvy these days. They know something’s off when a character in a movie has it too good because movies aren’t about people who have it good. Movies are about people who run into problems. So if you want that tragedy to truly shock us, be a little more subtle with the character’s good fortune.