The Black List is rigged. It’s time for Scriptshadow to un-rig it
Which Top 10 script is this?
As we all know, by this point, the Black List is rigged. This is not the creator, Franklin Leonard’s, fault. It’s just that the list has been around long enough that managers and agents have figured out how to manipulate it.
But here’s the thing. I don’t think the scripts on the list aren’t worthy. I just think they’re ranked incorrectly. If a prominent manager wants to get his client’s script near the top, he can get it there as long as he’s willing to do the work. This is what skews the Black List. And it’s why you need someone who goes in there, reads all the scripts, and figures out which ones are truly the best.
Since there’s a lot of confusion about if these are really the best of the best scripts, the answer is no. I can tell you that I’ve read five consultation scripts this year that would’ve made the top 10 of the Black List. But, for various reasons (i.e. 3 out of the 5 are repped writers who have no interest in blasting their scripts around town) the scripts won’t come to the attention of voters.
And then, of course, you have the unending list of professional screenwriters doing big-time assignment work that would blow every script on the 2023 Black List out of the water. But most of these scripts are kept under wraps and, therefore, never seen by Black List voters.
The Black List has become more a celebration of new screenwriters. Which I think is a good thing. But it also puts undue pressure on the list to deliver when, in actuality, the writers who made the list, aren’t ready to deliver. They’re new (relatively speaking). They’re still learning the craft. If we’re lucky, five of them come up with something brilliant.
Which leads us to today’s list. I’m re-ranking all of last year’s scripts so that you know what the TRUE best scripts on the list are. There are 18 scripts (out of 74) that will not be included on the list because I didn’t read them. They were scripts that, mostly, sounded like I wouldn’t enjoy them no matter how well they were written. However, if anybody has read any of these and believes I’m missing out, by all means, tell me in the comments section. I’ll read the script and, if necessary, change the rankings.
Those scripts are: Resurfaced (biopic), Dumb Blonde (biopic), Total Landscaping (2020 election), Cheat Day (flimsy premise), Going For Two (gay NFL QB falls for teacher), Popular (GOP strategist hero), An Oakland Holiday (princess at an Oakland H.S.), Better Luck Next Time (gender vs. gender), Jerry! (Biopic), The Homestead (never got to it but best-looking of these options), The Twelve Dancing Princesses (title alone kept me from this one), Caravan (demon in the Silk Road – could maybe be good), It’s Britney, B*tch (I mean, do I have to explain?), Wildfire (mute and a trans woman), Black Dogs (Led Zepplin heist – could be good), Eternity (felt like one of those aimless indie films), The Trap (twin trapeze artists), You’re My Best Friend (felt like a bad YA book).
Are we ready? Okay, good. To create some suspense, I’ll be starting from the bottom and moving all the way to the top.
56. A Guy Goes to Therapy by Shane Mack
Logline: When his girlfriend catches her boyfriend doing something unthinkable, she leaves him, forcing him to consider the unthinkable – therapy.
Votes: 19 (Top 10)
From Review: “If the main plot is something that can be a subplot in another movie, your concept probably isn’t big enough.”
55. Viva Mexico by Miguel Flatow
Logline: When a washed-up superhero gets betrayed by a Mexican government, he must lead a populist social movement to fight the Narcos, topple the government, and free the people.
Votes: 15 (Top 15)
From Review: “It wasn’t even clear, at the beginning, if John *was* a superhero or a guy wearing a suit pretending to be a superhero. And then when we do find out he’s a real superhero (he’s kind of a low-rent Captain America), we’re told that he only got half-a-dose of the super-serum. So he’s not a true superhero. And, also, I think his shield is the only thing that allows him to have his powers?”
54. The Seeker by Camrus Johnson
Logline: A childhood folktale comes to life when children of the neighborhood start to go missing after playing hide and seek.
Votes: 6 (Bottom 10)
From Review: “What do we have here that is in any way redeeming to Black List voters? This isn’t a marketable idea. It’s not a cool idea. It’s not a heady idea. It’s not a clever idea. It’s not written in a unique voice. The execution is okay but far from exceptional. Why would people vote for this?”
53. They Came From A Broken World by Vanessa Block
Logline: The year is 1955. The small town of Boon Falls has provided a local forest as refuge to aliens fleeing their war-torn planet. When Mia–young woman dealing with the trauma of her mother’s death–stumbles upon an Alien woman who needs her help, a series of haunting revelations in the refugee forest leads her to an unimaginable truth.
Votes: 14 votes (Top 20)
From Review: “The script tried to do too much. We’ve got the illegal alien issue (some people in town hate the aliens). We’ve got climate change (people escaping a world that’s falling apart). We’ve got racism (the backstory alludes to discrimination in the 50s). We’ve got sexism (the aliens are all women). I’m not going to lie. At a certain point, it felt like a Black List bingo card.”
52. Jambusters by Filipe Coutinho
Logline: A mystery about what paper jams can teach us about life. After an inexperienced detective starts investigating a death at the Paper Jam department of a major corporation on the verge of its centennial, she unwittingly embarks on a life-altering spiritual journey that unearths her small town’s dark secrets.
Votes: 17 (Top 10)
From Review: “In the end, though, this script makes you wade through so much text to get to the relevant plot points, that it violates one of the most important rules of screenwriting, which is that a script is supposed to entertain the reader. The second it crosses over into making them work, you’ve lost them.”
51. Baby Boom by Jack Waz
Logline: A married couple attending a gender reveal party are quickly informed that they must stop the reveal party at all costs… or the world will blow up.
Votes: 17 (Top 10)
From Review: “The script is written in a brisk effortless style, as every comedy should be. The structure is solid, as it’s divided into five sections, each with a big goal (prevent the world from blowing up). But for me, it’s more of a “smile” comedy than an “lol” comedy.”
Additional: The comedy with the most potential on the list and they botched it.
50. There You Are by Brooke Baker
Logline: When a non-confrontational playwright loses her engagement ring, she must travel through Italy to get it back with a man who was supposed to be just a one-night stand, discussing love and lying along the way.
Votes: 15 (Top 15)
From Review: “You can make the argument that this movie is exploring reality as opposed to the bubble gum version of relationships and dating. Sometimes, as human beings, we do dumb illogical s—t. Sleep with the wrong people. Hurt those we love. The problem is, the script doesn’t have the requisite touch required to hold up to this more complex view of humanity.”
49. I Love You Now And Forever by Robert Machoian
Logline: After exhausting all financial options to save their dying daughter, Frank and Abby are forced into a final act of desperation: rob a local bank.
Votes: 8 votes (bottom 50%)
From Review: “You need narratives that give your characters purposeful things to do throughout the movie. Not just during the big obvious set pieces.”
48. Craigshaven by Nicole Ramberg
Logline: A Wisconsin high school girl teams up with her friends to look for a ghost ship she believes is connected to her mother’s disappearance.
Votes: 6 votes (Bottom 10)
From Review: “But in being so hyper-focused on this ghost ship plotline, everything else falls by the wayside. Not just the characters but the plot. It’s too standard and basic. With screenwriting, you have to do it all. Or you at least have to try. From the concept to the voice to the characters to the storytelling to the dialogue to the relationships to the plot to the structure. You can’t half-ass any of those if you want to write a great script.”
47. The Sisters by Alexander Thompson
Logline: Twin sisters live in a commune where, once they hit puberty, one of the twins becomes a monster and must be killed. But when the twins learn that their community is keeping big secrets from them, they make a run for it.
Votes: 9 (Lower middle of the pack)
From Review: “The YA genre has always been underwhelming. Anyone could come up with one of these concepts in thirty seconds. Here, I’ll come up with one right now. Children are all raised in a remote commune. At 10, all girls become vampires and all guys get telepathy. Boom, there’s a YA concept for anyone who wants it.”
46. Pizza Girl by Jean Kyoung Frazier
Logline: A pregnant pizza delivery girl becomes infatuated with a customer, a mother desperately trying to raise a son on her own.
Votes: 21 (Top 5)
From Review: “Like a lot of Black List scripts, Pizza Girl has some strong pieces to it. But the overall experience feels uneven and too depressing. I think I understood what the writer was trying to do but was just never able to get past that down feeling the story gave me.”
45. Oh The Humanity by Gillian Weeks
Logline: A dark comedy about the Hindenburg Disaster; or, the mostly true story about one of the biggest f—kups in history, the a—holes who tried to cover it up, and the female gossip reporter who made some Nazis very angry.
Votes: 15 (top 15)
From Review: “I wouldn’t say this was the most frustrating script I’ve read all year. But it was up there. There was a ton going on and I was always playing catch-up, trying to figure out the tone, trying to figure out the type of movie, trying to remember who was who and what they wanted. Trying to figure out who the heck the main character was.”
44. Marriage Bracket by Liv Auerbach & Daisygreen Stenhouse
Logline: Ten years after a group of girlfriends bet on which of them would be the last to get married, their adult lives and relationships are completely upended when they discover the $80 they drunkenly invested in Bitcoin
Votes: 6 (Bottom 10)
From Review: “I’m fine with a little sloppiness in comedies. It can actually help the comedy at times. But if I don’t even believe that what’s happening would happen, it’s hard for me to invest emotionally. And if I’m not invested emotionally, it’s hard for me to laugh. I’ll chuckle. I’ll have a few of those surface-level laughs. But for those deep uncontrollable laughs, the screws have to be way tighter than they are here.”
43. It’s a Wonderful Story by Alexandra Tran
Logline: In the aftermath of WWII, a traumatized Frank Capra and Jimmy Stewart use the making of IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE to attempt to find a way back into normalcy.
Votes: 9 votes (middle of the pack)
From Review: “I thought the script was going to do something clever like cover the production of It’s a Wonderful Life in a way that semi-mirrored the actual film. For example, what if James Stewart was feeling similar things about his own existence in relation to the fictional character he played? What does this world look like if James Stewart was never born? Fun stuff like that. But it’s more of this traditional biopic.”
42. Jingle Bell Heist by Abby McDonald
Logline: At the height of the holiday season, two strangers team up to rob one of New York’s most famous department stores while accidentally falling in love.
Votes: 12 votes (upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “My advice if you’re going to write a heist screenplay is to stay away from a straight, sexy thriller, unless you’re one of the best dialogue writers in the world. Because these movies are all about the banter between the two main characters, as well as the sexual tension underneath that banter.”
41. Fog of War by Peter Haig
Logline: When a retired war journalist returns to the outpost where her son was stationed to investigate the mysterious circumstances surrounding his death, she uncovers unspeakable horrors.
Votes: 12 votes (upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “I struggled with the storytelling here. The script relied too heavily on “crazy stuff happens” moments. Monkey attacks, 1900s era soldiers, goats voluntarily committing suicide, characters going insane. I’m all for something crazy happening in a script. It can be fun. I just felt there was an over-reliance on it.”
40. Pop by James Morosini
Logline: A 13 year-old boy blackmails his favorite pop star into being his best friend.
Votes: 8 votes (bottom 50%)
From Review: “The screenplay feels rushed. The writer never commits to any details to make me believe this is a real pop star. If you’re covering a specific subject matter, you have to give us AT LEAST ONE THING that we don’t know. In one of my favorite movies of the year, Blackberry, we get this early scene in the boardroom that goes into highly specific territory about how the Blackberry works. That helps sell us on the world, which, in turn, pulls us in. If anything, I got the opposite impression from “Pop.” Alice sells CDs at her concert! Because we all know those Gen Z 15 and 16 year olds love CDs. It’s just as important to them as improving their laserdisc collection.”
39. Match Cut by Will Lowell
Logline: A stunt man on location in Italy is mistaken for a famous assassin who just tried to take out one of the country’s biggest businessman. The businessman puts his entire financial weight behind finding and killing the “assassin.”
Votes: 11 votes (middle of the pack)
From Review: “Take the opening scene here. It’s as assassination scene. It’s well written. It’s paced well. It’s described well. There’s a little bit of suspense. It has an emotional moment between father and son. But I have read, literally, one thousand scenes just like it.”
38. Break Point by Zachary Joel Johnson
Logline: Courted by colleges and sponsors alike, a burnt-out tennis prodigy fights to maintain dominance against her Academy rival as she hurtles toward the existential decision of turning Pro–a choice that will force her to double down on her dream or walk away from the future she’s fought for.
Votes: 7 votes (Bottom 20)
From Review: “You need to create stakes that hold up in the real world. For example, Faheema decides she’s going to play the Nationals in the hopes of winning in order to double her contract offer from Prince. But what does that really mean? She’ll make 160 thousand dollars instead of 80 thousand. You have to think about these things from the perspective of the reader. Is the reader really going to say, “Oh man! I wasn’t interested when she was only going to make 80 grand. But now that she’s going to get 160 grand?? I’m all in!”
37. Life of the Party by Julie Mandel Folly & Hannah Murphy
Logline: Two teenage feminists struggle to create the perfect boyfriend, only to watch their experiment deteriorate as he succumbs to the ultimate perpetrator of casual high school misogyny: the football team.
Votes: 7 (Bottom 20)
From Review: “I just couldn’t get past all the technical errors, like the motivation, character inconsistency, the writers making things too easy for our heroes.”
36. The Boy Houdini by Matthew Tennant
Logline: When aspiring magician, Harry Houdini, discovers a mysterious puzzle-box, he must use his talent for illusion and escape to unlock the box’s powerful secrets and keep it out of the hands of a vengeful sorcerer.
Votes: 12 (upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “You can’t spell “movie” without “move.” A movie’s gotta move. A side quest THINKS it’s moving. It creates the ILLUSION of moving since your characters are going after something. But the main plot is stalled and therefore we feel stalled.”
35. Mega Action Hit by Sean Tidwell
Logline: After Hollywood’s leading action star hits his head on set and wakes up thinking he’s a real-life action hero, he embarks on an international mission to track down a real stolen nuke before it’s too late.
Votes: 11 (middle of the pack)
From Review: “Mega Action Hit is fun. But like a lot of these scripts, the fun is too empty. It’s not genuine fun. It’s the kind of fun you have passively watching TV while messing around on your computer. In other words, there’s not enough here for me to endorse it.”
34. Gather the Ashes by Vikash Shankar
Logline: Two young Indian brothers living in England head back to their dying grandmother’s home in a remote part of India only to learn that her house may be haunted.
Votes: 7 (Bottom 20)
From Review: “If you’re stuck in one location – which often happens with haunted house scripts – you need to move your plots along quicker because we’re going to get bored faster in contained locations. Characters sitting around is script ambien. So you need your plot to offset that.”
33. Goat by Zack Akers & Skip Bronkie
Logline: A promising first-round draft pick is invited to train at the private compound of the team’s legendary but aging quarterback. Over one week, the rising star witnesses the horrific lengths his hero will go to to stay at the top of his game.
Votes: 16 (Top 15)
From Review: “The script has its charms. I love the spec-y nature of it. Contained time frame. Low character count. Organic heavy conflict between the leads. Urgency. And the genre element makes it easier to sell. I was into all that. But the execution felt too basic and repetitive. Very repetitive.”
32. Weary Ride The Belmonts by Josh Corbin
Logline: After staging his death many years ago, an aging gunslinger is forced to reunite with his outlaw daughter during the dying days of the west.
Votes: 8 (low bottom half)
From Review: “There’s still 40 pages remaining in the script and we’re left to wonder, “Why are we still here? What’s left to figure out?” I guess there are some questions that need answering regarding why Ophelia hates her dad. But that’s the kind of question you want piggybacking on top of a bigger story goal. And you just ended your story goal.”
31. Undo by Will Simmons
Logline: A down-on-his-luck former getaway driver comes into possession of a mysterious watch that allows the user to go back in time by one minute. As he starts to uncover its uses and gets pulled into one last heist by his former crew, a dangerous group after the technology gets on his tail and will stop at nothing to get the watch back.
Votes: 8 (low bottom half)
From Review: “Let me think out loud here for a second. A minute ago, Benji was worried about some second-tier street thug maybe following Vince and figuring out where Benji lives. But Benji has no problems with a DEAD KGB AGENT IN HIS HOME?????!!! I’m thinking on the scale of “this is a problem,” that’s about a million times worse than a Latin King.”
30. Americano by Nico Bellamy & Chase Pestano
Logline: An everyday guy who accidentally starts working as a barista inside the CIA headquarters building gets lured into a spy mission by a beautiful secret agent, known only to him as Carmel Machiato.
Votes: 12 (upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “I like “in over your head” comedy. You risk a little bit when you make your hero incompetent. If a protagonist is too dumb or too idiotic, the reader can rebel against them. Hubie Halloween comes to mind. But as long as he’s funny, we’ll forgive a lot of that incompetance.”
29. Who Made The Potato Salad? By Kyle Drew
Logline: A family’s Christmas dinner goes awry when a xenomorphic demon starts to duplicate and imitate each member of the family. What does it want? To show them their greatest fears.
Votes: 10 (lower middle of pack)
From Review: “I was ready to tap out after the first act. There were a lot of character introductions. A lot of dialogue that, because there was so much setup, was boring to read. I was worried this was going to be one of those scripts where we sit at a table the whole time and engage in endless dialogue. But then Bryan commits suicide. Which is followed by him coming back to life. And, all of a sudden, I found myself turning the pages with more energy.”
28. Let’s go Again by Colin Bannon
Logline: When her domineering director makes her film the same scene 148 times on the final night of an exhausting shoot, actress Annie Long must fight to keep her own sanity as she tries to decipher what is real, and what is part of his twisted game.
Votes: 13 (upper middle of pack)
From Review: “I’m, self-admittedly, not a fan of descent-into-madness screenplays for one simple reason. The screenwriter never gets the line right between keeping the script understandable and the story crazy. They always bring the craziness and messiness into the writing itself so we’re not sure what’s going on. These scripts have to be understandable even if what’s going on in the story isn’t supposed to be understood. That’s a hard balance for even experienced writers to master. While Bannon’s tackling of the problem isn’t perfect, he does a pretty good job.”
27. What We Become by Amy Jo Johnson
Logline: A successful author/wife/mother plans a trip to a bucolic island to crack her next book and finds herself in a surprising situation.
Votes: 10 (lower middle of the pack)
From Review: “Sex scenes are tricky, to shoot as well as to write. Because if you’re too soft, they’re boring. If they’re too hard, they become exploitative and overwhelm the moment, pulling the reader out of the story. I thought Johnson wrote these perfectly. The scenes are sexy, slightly original, occasionally push the boundaries, and most importantly, remain authentic.”
26. Vitus by Julian Wayser
Logline: Back in 1518, there was an infamous real-life “dancing plague” that took over a town and proceeded to kill dozens of people. To this day, there is no consensus on what happened.
Votes: 10 (lower middle of the pack)
From Review: “If you are going to write a story that moves between characters instead of stays with a main character, you have to be GREAT at creating memorable characters in a short period of time.”
25. Chatter by Chris Grillot
Logline: A drug addict returning from rehab kidnaps her daughter from her father then tries to skip town, only to end up at an old BnB chased by an evil tooth fairy determined to take her daughter from her.
Votes: 6 (Bottom 10)
From Review: “With that said, there’s a teensy bit more good to Chatter than bad. Like I always say, get the main characters right and that will act as deodorant for many of your script’s weaknesses. I felt that Grillot got the characters of Ceilia and Imani right. And then I always love when writers take a goofy idea and treat it really seriously. It always creates an unexpected tone.”
24. The Midnight Pool by Jonathan Easley
Logline: Burdened by the loss of his wife to a suicide cult, an embittered investigative journalist infiltrates an elite secret society, only to find something far more sinister.
Votes: 14 (Top 20)
From Review: “If you like absurdist stuff – David Lynch and those types of movies – you might dig this. It certainly has its charms. It just gets too messy.”
23. Court 17 by Elad Ziv (no review)
Logline: An over-the-hill tennis pro, trying to salvage her career, finds herself stuck playing the first round of the US Open over and over again against one of the top players in the world. The only way to stop the loop is to win the match, a seemingly impossible task due to how overmatched she is.
Votes: 22 (top 2)
Thoughts: I didn’t review this one because, as some of you know, I worked extensively with the writer on it. I couldn’t review it objectively no matter how hard I tried. Plus, when you work on a script, you only see the things that are wrong as opposed to what’s right. I did read the new draft though and I thought it was pretty good. Elad took the script in some new directions. But I can’t get over the fact that I thought this could be great. To me, it wasn’t just about a tennis match. It was a metaphor for life. Every day you keep getting knocked down and you have to get back up and keep fighting or give up. That’s what I wanted to capture in the script and I don’t think we ever got there.
22. Pure by Catherine Schetina
Logline: A young woman obsessed with eating healthy becomes convinced that all the food she puts in her body is rotting, leading to her having a meltdown at her sister’s wedding.
Votes: 25 (number 1 script)
From Review: “I like creepy obsession stories. We all feel like we’re close to being one of these people. We all have our unique obsessions. What would it take for them to become a legit medical condition? The line between the two is probably a lot smaller than we think.”
21. White Mountains by Becky Leigh & Mario Kyprianou
Logline: The famous 1961 UFO case of Betty and Barney Hill, an interracial couple who had a close encounter of the 4th kind with aliens on a remote highway.
Votes: 17 (Top 10)
From Review: “It’s a solid script, especially if you like this subject matter. I would’ve preferred more UFO geekery in the end than social commentary but that’s just me.”
20. Pikesville Sweep by Brendan McMugh
Logline: After a young, newly widowed janitor in a small mining village is unexpectedly elected Mayor, she navigates a new relationship with a mysterious man from the city and tries to determine how to use her new position of power to confront the corruption that has plagued the town for years.
Votes: 13 (Upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “Main character was great. Villain was great. Any time those two were in a scene together, I was on the edge of my seat. But nothing else in the script worked, unfortunately. So I can’t endorse this.”
19. The Demolition Expert by Colin Bannon
Logline: Blasting out of prison after being double-crossed by the Mastermind of a heist, a Demolition Expert uses his genius with explosives to enact revenge on the Caper Crew who set him up while simultaneously picking up the pieces of his personal life.
Votes: 8 (lower middle of the pack)
From Review: “This is clearly Bannon’s modern-day take on Speed and it’s probably how a modern-day version of Speed would look like. There wouldn’t just be one scenario (a bus that couldn’t drop below 50 mph). The social media generation needs more stimuli, which is what The Demolition Expert gives you. It entertains you with multiple bomb situations.”
18. The House in the Crooked Forest by Ian Shorr
Logline: A mother and her young son fleeing Nazi-occupied Poland are forced to take shelter from a blizzard in an isolated manor, where they discover the Nazis may be the least of their worries.
Votes: 10 (Lower middle of the pack)
From Review: You know what this script reminded me of? Barbarian. It’s like a 1942 World War 2 version of Barbarian, with its horror waiting in the innards of the house and its weird monsters waiting to make mincemeat out of the home’s guests. I could totally see Craig Zegger directing this.
17. Ravenswood by Evan Enderle
Logline: To save her friend, a maid in a decaying manor must unravel the secrets of its inhabitants while confronting spirits, her own terrifying abilities, and the very real horrors of Depression-era America lurking outside the door.
Votes: 10 (lower middle of the pack)
From Review: “This is DEFINITELY one of the better written scripts on the Black List. The writing is simple, descriptive, and, most importantly for a horror script, haunting. It feels professional right from the bump.”
16. Subversion by Andrew Ferguson
Logline: When her family is abducted, a disgraced submariner must pilot a narco submarine to its destination in less than eight hours or her husband and daughter will be killed.
Votes: 11 (middle of the pack)
From Review: “You wouldn’t be wrong to call this “Die Hard on a sub.” In fact, if the lead character was a 40 year old man and this spec was written in 1994 as opposed to 2023, I have no doubt it would’ve sold for 1.5 million dollars.”
15. Semper Maternus by Laura Kosann
Logline: On a private island off San Francisco, a nanny goes to work for a mother who is one of America’s most powerful tech entrepreneurs. Things slowly begin to devolve as the mother’s hyper-monitoring and surveillance become suffocating.
Votes: 11 (middle of the pack)
From Review: “I have to say, I LOOVVVEED the first half of this script. It was everything I wanted my contained thriller on an island screenplay to be. It was very much a female version of Ex Machina. I’m sure that was a big inspiration for Kossan.”
14. 42.6 Years by Seth Reiss
Logline: After waking up from a failed experimental lifesaving procedure in which he was cryogenically frozen for 42.6 years, a young man realizes he wants his ex-girlfriend back. He’ll have to overcome the fact that while he hasn’t aged a day, she’s lived an entire life without him.
Votes: 7 (Bottom 20)
From Review: “It was probably inevitable that I would like 42.6 years seeing as it nails one of my concept prerequisites: whatever genre you write in, come up with an idea that allows you to explore it from a fresh angle. Here, we have a romantic comedy whose premise sets up a scenario whereby a 30-something man is dating a 70-something woman.”
13. Below by Geoff Tock & Greg Weidman
Logline: A lonely bounty hunter trying to improve his life goes around LA killing secret monsters hiding inside human bodies. His job gets a lot more complicated when he’s forced to team up with his first partner.
Votes: 6 (bottom 10)
From Review: “Something happens to this script when Boxer (the older female co-lead) arrives. Because, before Boxer, this was a cold sad depressing world. She then comes in with this enthusiasm that not only gives Our Man (the hero) hope – it gives US hope! I loved that she was older, which is a different kind of dynamic than we’re used to with these pairings. I loved that all she wanted to do was be friends with Boxer. And she wouldn’t let him off the friend hook.”
12. Colors of Authority by Kevin Sheridan
Logline: Based on a true story, a young Los Angeles Sheriff’s dream job sours when he realizes that the department he serves in is mired in corruption and a systemic culture of moral depravity. Based on a true story.
Votes: 14 (upper middle of the pack)
From Review: “I would be shocked if this didn’t become a movie with a big director and some heavy-hitting actors. It’s got that “Departed” aroma wafting off of it. And Kevin is really good at placing his hero in these impossible-to-navigate situations.”
11. Ripple by Max Taxe
Logline: A relationship is put to the ultimate test when time ripples keep reinventing one of the partners, forcing the relationship to begin again… and again… and again… and again… and again…
Votes: 7 (Bottom 20)
From Review: “Once we’re in the throes of over a hundred ripples, we start to feel the desperation of Miles, as well as the realization that he may have to come to terms with letting Sadie go.”
10. Madden by Cambron Clark
Logline: After being forced into retirement by the Oakland Raiders, fiery former NFL head coach John Madden teams up with a mild-mannered Harvard programmer to rewrite his fading legacy by building the world’s first football video game. Based on a true story.
Votes: 19 (Top 10)
From Review: “That’s when this script shined the brightest – when Madden was in the room with these dorks, who were all way more interested in Klorgan the Elf than an option shovel pass, trying to find a common language to get this game completed.”
9. Beachwood by Briggs & Wes Watkins
Logline: Shunned by elite society as a member of the gig economy, a sociopathic dog walker infiltrates an exclusive L.A. community with designs of reaching the top of the neighborhood’s social ladder.
Votes: 20 (Top 5)
From Review: This script is the most unpredictable script in the Top 10 of the Black List. It’s weird. It’s fun. Even though it has problems, it does leave an impression on you.
8. Sang Froid by Michael Basha
Logline: After a botched delivery of fresh blood, a world weary vampire and a pregnant nurse team up to rob a hospital of their supply.
Votes: 18
From Review: Sang Froid is the unofficial “grown up” sequel to Let the Right One In. It has that same tone but it feels more adult. I thought it was great. And I think it’s an awesome example of how to write a spec screenplay. A few characters. Sparse description. Keep the plot moving. This is what all of you should be doing!
7. Pumping Black by Haley Bartels
Logline: A desperate cyclist and his charismatic new team doctor concoct a dangerous training program in order to win the Tour de France. But as the race progresses and jealous teammates, suspicious authorities, and the racer’s own paranoia close in, they must take increasingly dark measures to protect both his secret and his lead.
Votes: 22 (Top 5)
From Review: “I love stuff like this. I love when you add multiple consequences and those additional consequences get bigger each time. At first, it’s just getting kicked off the team. Then, it’s possibly getting caught by the doping federation. Then, it’s death!”
6. Black Kite by Dan Bulla
Logline: After a devastating wildfire wipes out a small California town, a teenage girl is missing and presumed dead. A year later, an obsessive mother and cynical arson investigator begin to suspect that she’s still alive…and in the clutches of a predator.
Votes: 6 (Bottom 10)
From Review: “I thought I was on page 60 and it turned out I was on page 85! Usually, it’s the opposite. I think I’m on page 60 and I’m on page 20. That’s screenwriting code for: this script was awesome.”
5. Wild by Michael Burgner
Logline: A werewolf living on a remote farm with her older sister takes in a thief on the run just 72 hours before the next full moon.
Votes: 13 (upper middle of pack)
From Review: “We’ve all heard of the “Meet Cute.” But how much more interesting is it when your male and female leads are introduced via a “Meet Mean?” Liz drives up to Nick, asks him a few questions, lets him know there’s no way she’s letting him in her car, then drives off. I find that WAY MORE interesting than if they had an instant connection.”
4. The Pack by Rose Gilroy
Logline: A documentary crew in contention at the Emmys for their film about wild Alaskan wolves is hiding several big secrets about their troubled 3 month shoot.
Votes: 10 (middle of the pack)
From Review: “When it comes to mysteries, nothing really matters unless the big reveal is great. But The Pack taught me something new about reveals. It doesn’t have a show-stopper “Sixth Sense” reveal. The reveal is character-driven. Which actually makes it even more impactful.”
3. Himbo by Jason Hellerman
Logline: A male stripper in Arizona who’s sleeping with his boss’s wife is propositioned by her to kill her hubby and run away together but things get complicated when they learn about the boss’s improbable money-making venture.
Votes: 7 votes (bottom 20)
From Review: “I already liked this script. But the second this random gold cave entered the equation, I loved it. I have never encountered something like that in a script like this before. Getting a WTF moment into your script that feels believable yet not too random is incredibly challenging. But when you nail it, like Himbo does, it takes your script up to a whole new level.”
2. Clementine by David L. Williams (newsletter review – to sign up for my newsletter, e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com)
Logline: Set in real time, a Colombian mother barely escapes a pawn shop shootout and goes on the run from her violent ex-husband, a terrifying mob boss, and a bloodthirsty hitwoman sent to collect an overdue debt, all while trying to keep her diabetic daughter safe.
Votes: 12 (upper middle of pack)
From Review: “The script is just freaking RELENTLESS.”
1.Dying for You by Travis Braun
Logline: A low-level worker on a spaceship run by a dark god must steal the most powerful weapon in the universe to save his workplace crush.
Votes: 18 (Top 10)
Thoughts: Wow! Wow wow wow wow wow. How good was this script? It’s been an entire year and I STILL remember it better than any other script on the list, even some scripts I read as little as two weeks ago. It’s so funny. The tone is perfect. The story is fun. The world-building is great. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like The Princess Bride but set 200 years later in space and everyone is a lot cooler. Whichever young actors sign on to this movie are going to become superstars. No script made me feel better than this one. Wow!
If I’m being honest, there are only six scripts that I would say every screenwriter should read from this list. Those are the top 6 from my rankings. Every script below that feels more and more amateurish. They still have good moments. But they all have issues. The difference with the top 6 is that the stories are so compelling, you get lost in them and forget you’re reading a script. That’s the true mark of a great script – when the reader is no longer aware they’re reading it.
Congratulations to the biggest riser, Black Kite, which crawled out of the bottom of the heap to get into the Top 5. And also, Himbo, which was in the bottom 20 and finished in the Top 5. Biggest faller was A Guy Goes to Therapy. Jambusters and Baby Boom also faltered. Make sure to share your favorite scripts from the list in the comments section. Also, if there are any scripts I haven’t read yet that you thought were great, let me know!
Genre: Thriller
Premise: A man wakes up on his wedding day with a text that simply says, “Run,” and what follows is 8 straight hours of people trying to kill him.
About: Another HUGE short story sale. This one sold to Universal. Sam Hargrave (Extraction) will be directing. This is writer Aaron Jayh’s second sale of the year. The other went to Amazon for a project called The Dwelling about a man who discovers that a house is buried in his backyard.
Writer: Aaron Jayh
Details: 45 pages
I know you want me to start right in on these Black List scripts but I want to introduce a revolutionary new practice the rest of the world is aware of you but you, apparently, are not. It’s called PATIENCE. We’ll get to the Black List scripts in the new year. We have a ton going on in these last couple of weeks so I gotta squeeze it all in. Starting with the newest form of spec scripts in Hollywood – short stories!
Our nameless hero, a good guy who runs a non-profit, wakes up on his wedding day with a text that says, “Run.” Our hero ignores it but then gets another text. If you don’t run, you die. The next thing he sees is a giant man breaking into his house. Yeah, our hero thinks, maybe running is a good idea.
He evades the man and grabs an Uber, getting a call from his future wife, Sara, in the meantime. He’s told by the mystery texter to not let on that anything is wrong to Sara. Which would be fine if a car didn’t come out of nowhere and sideswipe his Uber! And now people with guns are getting out and trying to kill him.
Somehow, our hero gets away. He’s guided to a store by the texter where he’ll be able to buy a gun. He’ll need to shoot the man who plans to kill him in five minutes. Huh?? This is not how he planned to spend his wedding day.
Despite numerous attempts by our hero to get the texter to tell him who he is, the texter will not oblige. Just get through the day and get married, the texter says, and we’re all good. That’s the important thing.
Along the way, we learn that the wife-to-be has a father who absolutely HATES our hero. He runs this giant tech corporation and works on top secret projects and needs his daughter to run the company when he retires. But she’s instead wasting her time at our hero’s non-profit, marrying the loser who works there (our hero).
If you’re a savvy reader, you’re starting to put the dots together. This father must have something to do with the attempts on our hero’s life, right? However, when our hero confronts him, the father is convincingly confused. He has no idea what the hero is talking about. Our hero then spends the last three hours trying to figure out what’s going and, more importantly, getting to his wedding alive. Does he get there? And if he does get to the finish line, will he finally find out who was trying to stop him?
Will Poulter for our runner?
The most shocking thing about this sale is that IT ISN’T A SCRIPT EVEN THOUGH IT COULD’VE BEEN. This is, roughly, the same amount of words as a screenplay. This is written in a high-octane, eyes-flying-down-the-page fashion, just like a screenplay. Why, then, did the writer choose to write it as a short story?
Isn’t it obvious? Cause short stories are selling bigger than specs right now. Which doesn’t even make sense if you think about it. It used to be that the short story sold because it was a shorter time investment on the reader’s end. But today’s short story is going to take you just as long to read as a screenplay. So now I think it’s just in the marketplace consciousness that this is where they’re finding material. If you don’t have a buzzy short story as part of your portfolio, now is the time to consider one.
Okay, I’m going to upset some Die Hard fans here but I need to bring this up in order to explain why I struggled with Run For Your Life. Remember Die Hard 3? The one with Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson? I remember going to that movie and being let down. Not in “this was a bad movie” way. More in a, “I wanted a better Die Hard movie” way.
I wouldn’t realize until many years later, when I got into screenwriting, why that movie underwhelmed so much. I learned it was because it made its protagonists passive. Even worse, it made the coolest action hero in the world, John McClane, passive. McClane just went where he was told. That’s not John McClane and that’s not the setup you want for an action movie.
An action movie needs an ACTIVE protagonist. I mean, the words – action, active – are practically the same, right? It wouldn’t be for another several years before the entire puzzle came together. I learned that that Die Hard 3 script wasn’t originally a Die Hard script! It was some other random script called “Simon Says” the studio had already purchased and they just changed all the names to make it a Die Hard movie in order to move into production quicker. It proved to be an early nail in the franchise’s coffin, as the franchise never recovered after that.
Lesson? Don’t make your action hero passive.
Yet that’s exactly what they do here in Run for Your Life. The hero is not making any decisions on his own. Like John McClane, he’s going wherever people tell him to. The story is still entertaining because it’s action packed and it has this mystery component and ticking time bomb. But those things only provide so much cover for the passive protagonist.
This is a long-winded way of me saying I’m not a huge fan of these “follow-my-orders” narratives. They turn your hero into an errand-runner, which, of course, can be overcome with clever writing but, as I always say, writing is hard. Theoretically, any large script issue can be overcome. But it probably won’t be because it’s really freaking hard to write a good story without having to overcome large script issues, much less with them.
That’s not to say Jayh doesn’t give it his best shot. The best thing the script has going for it is its central mystery and I did want to find out who the heck it was who was calling (spoilers follow). I figured it had to be the hero, probably from the future. As soon as we started talking about the father-in-law being this giant CEO tech guy, I figured that made the most sense.
(Major spoiler followed). So there was something really sweet about it being Sara instead. It wasn’t what I was expecting and it wrapped up this backseat theme the story had been promoting all along of: “love conquers all.” This was a woman who was doing everything in her power to save the love of her life and her marriage. It worked!
Maybe too light and airy to become a movie. Echoes of “Ghosted” were ringing in my ears. But it’s still a fun read.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: The nice thing about writing a short story over a script is that you can get directly inside the hero’s head. This gives us a much better idea of how the hero is feeling and coping during the story, which makes for a different experience. The hardest thing about screenwriting is you can’t do this unless you do voice over, which many find clunky. Your job, as a screenwriter, is to show how your hero is feeling THROUGH ACTION. For example, in a novel, if you wanted to convey that the hero was angry after getting duped by a work friend, you might have him say to himself, “I can’t believe Joe betrayed me.” In a script, you’d show him hurling his phone across the room. In other words, you’d use ACTION to convey what the hero was feeling.
It is that time of year. A time of joy. A time of hope. A time of roasting second-rate loglines. Oh, I kid. We all know, at this point, that managers who have never written a logline in their lives are responsible for the majority of the loglines we see on the Black List. My job is, simply, to cut through the muck and assess the concepts here on my annual “Assess the Black List” post.
The first thing I noticed was that they must have changed the voting system. 49 votes, if not the most votes ever for a top script, is close. It’s been a while since the top script has gotten more than 30 votes. So maybe Franklin is sending out more ballots. A see a few familiar names here – names that have been seen on the Scriptshadow site. Let’s take a look as we break down, one by one, every logline on the 2023 Black List.
Bad Boy
49 votes
Travis Braun
A rescue dog suspects his loving new owner is a serial killer.
SS Breakdown: It’s appropriate that this script finished number one because it dates back to a long line of high-ranking Black List scripts that celebrate animals in a major way. Bubbles. The Voices. The Beaver. It’ll be interesting if the writer tells the story completely from the dog’s point of view. As long as it’s nothing like that movie, Strays. Logline needs more context to fully critique but, at the very least, sounds interesting.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Stakehorse
47 votes
Justin Piasecki
A racetrack veterinarian who runs an off-the-books ER for criminals finds his practice and life in jeopardy when he’s recruited for his patient’s heist.
SS Breakdown: This was the biggest spec sale of the year, if I remember correctly, pulling in a solid 1 million buckaroos. I’ve already read and reviewed the script, which I thought was solid. I just remember it had a really fun train set piece that I hadn’t seen before. Definitely worthy of being a top 10 Black List script but the field is going to be weak if this is really number 2.
Spoiler
Jordan Rosenbloom
42 votes
After passing on a hot new screenplay, a studio executive finds himself trapped as the protagonist inside the film and must regain control before the credits roll.
SS Breakdown: We usually get one or two of these industry meta scripts a year. Most writers stop pushing themselves after they put the period after their logline. What gives me a little hope with this one is that the writer has added some irony. It isn’t the writer who’s trapped in his own script. It’s the studio exec who passed. There’s some irony there, as well as some potential to screw around the protagonist. How well *does* he know screenwriting? How closely did he pay attention to the script? If he had, he’d know how to survive. But because he didn’t, he repeatedly pays the price. Could be fun.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Head Games
Colin Liddle
25 votes
A corporate spy poses as a personal chef to the disgraced founder of a neuroprosthetics firm in order to steal his seismic-shifting new invention from his secluded villa in Greece.
SS Breakdown: An unnaturally large drop in vote differential between the number 3 and 4 scripts on the list. I’m not a fan of any logline that forces you to use a dictionary to understand it. I have no idea what neuroprosthetics is. Neither does my spell-check. So that’s not a great sign. But because I care about you guys, I looked it up. It basically is a way to improve motor-skills. There are a bit too many competing components to this logline. Not saying it means the script is bad. I’m just unclear on what this movie actually is.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Didier
24 votes
Jackson Kellard
The inspiring true story of international soccer icon Didier Drogba and his efforts to end a bloody civil war in his home country of Ivory Coast; not just with the skill of his feet, but also the power of his voice.
SS Breakdown: There may not be a worse Scriptshadow way to start a logline than, “The inspiring true story of…” It means we’re about to read a biopic logline, aka, the most uninspired loglines in the business. This one just sounds way too serious. It is the definition of a script I have no interest in reading. With that said, I get more caught up in these scripts than I think I will. So who knows? Maybe it’s good.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
High Concept
21 votes
Alex Kavutskiy & Ryan Perez
In the early 2000s, two totally opposite best friends, Mike (an uptight lawyer) and BJ (a stoner slacker), awake one morning to find that they have swapped bodies, are stuck in a time loop, and are afflicted with many other high-concept comedy premises of that era. Drawing upon their knowledge of those type of movies, Mike & BJ must learn their lesson(s) and get their lives back to normal.
SS Breakdown: This is in the running for most clever logline on the list. High concepts can be silly so why not make fun of them? With that said, I get antsy with any comedy script that features a stoner. Stoners are typically the first choice the writer comes up with. They’re so one-dimensional and the characters are so one-note, that they can be terrible choices for the script. But I love a swapped bodies time loop script. I think that’s a hilarious premise. And it’s always good to have two writers on these big comedy scripts because you need checks and balances for the jokes.
[x] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Patsy
21 votes
Filipe Coutinho
The untold and unfiltered true story of legendary country singer Patsy Cline, from her humble beginnings in Virginia to her untimely death at the height of her fame.
SS Breakdown: There are many unfiltered things I want to say about this entry but I challenged myself to say something nice. So here’s what I’ll say. SMART WRITER. I don’t care who Patsy Cline is. You don’t care who Patsy Cline is. Nobody cares who Patsy Cline is. EXCEPT one entity. The Black List. The Black List cares about every musical artist biopic that is written. The writer knew that and they took advantage of it to get on the list. Good for them.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
Forbidden Fruits
20 votes
Meredith Alloway & Lily Houghton
Free People employee Apple secretly runs a witchy femme cult in the basement of the mall store after hours with fellow fruits Cherry and Fig. But when new hire Pumpkin challenges their ‘girl boss’ ways, the women are forced to face their own poisons or succumb to a bloody fate. Based on Lily Houghton’s stage play: Of The Woman Came The Beginning Of Sin And Through Her We All Die.
SS Breakdown: Did I just have a stroke? I would like to pretend like I understand this entry but, after reading it five times, I’m more confused than I was the first time I read it. It’s either about fruits that are women or women who are fruits. That much I understand. On the plus side, it’s original. And it’s not a biopic. So those are two major thumbs up from me.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Return to Sender
20 votes
Russell Goldman
When a woman experiences delivery scams that grow increasingly personal and strange, she becomes hellbent on discovering her anonymous sender.
SS Breakdown: This logline feels incomplete. I’m not sure what a “delivery scam” entails. She gets sent the wrong package? Or is this an e-mail thing? Feels like the writer needed to get in there and re-write this logline before it went out to thousands of people.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
First You Hear Them
19 votes
Sean Harrigan
A group of twenty-somethings try the ‘perfect drug’ for the first time. It’s only when they come down from the euphoric high that the hauntings begin: First you hear them. Then you see them. Then they come for you.
SS Breakdown: Okay, we’ve got a fun little horror premise here. It’s a bit simplistic but most horror films are. Talk to Me entailed clutching a hand and seeing dead people. Very simplistic and it did well. It’s nice when an idea truly comes up with something new but that’s elusive.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Foragers
19 votes
Sam Boyer
When the illegitimate daughter of a Portland billionaire goes missing, her loved ones turn to Juno and Andi, local homesteaders and members of The Foragers–a grassroots network of experts dedicated to finding the lost and bringing them home.
SS Breakdown: I like the online network sleuths who use the power of social media to solve cold cases. But this doesn’t sound like that. This sounds like a totally made-up thing. I’m not sure what “grassroots network of experts” means exactly. That’s something to keep in mind when you’re writing loglines. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to you. It only matters if it makes sense to others. On the plus side, this feels a *little bit* different than your typical “missing person” script. So that’s good.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Carousel
18 votes
Rachel Lambert
A family doctor in East Cleveland juggles his personal life, as he reconnects with an old flame, deals with his teenage daughter’s problems, and selling his family’s medical practice.
SS Breakdown: When you hear the annoying assessment that your logline is, “execution dependent,” this is exactly what they’re talking about. Nobody reads this logline and thinks, “Man, I have to read this RIGHT AWAY.” It doesn’t have a single hook within it. But, if it’s an authentic compelling character study, it could be great. This is just a really tough logline to send out there as an aspiring screenwriter. I’m guessing CAA blasted this out there with the assurance that the script was good. If you don’t have CAA in your back pocket, you need to write a flashier concept.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Hot Mess
18 votes
Shanrah Wakefield
Sandy was once a formidable investigative reporter until a bungled story destroyed her credibility and forced her into the soul-sucking world of tabloid gossip–now her days are spent covering hot mess celebrity Margot Ford. When a disillusioned Sandy is called to Fiji to follow Margot’s latest hijinks, she discovers a surprise about Margot’s real identity, which sends her on an adventure she never imagined, as the two must team up to take down a massive, sinister corporate plot with global implications, all taking place at a luxury island resort.
SS Breakdown: Poor choice of title here. “Hot Mess” is a dated term. You’d prefer to use more recent terms and phrases for your title. The script sounds okay. The Black List seems to like these stories where the protagonist is pursuing a celebrity in some way. It’s hard to tell if this is a comedy or a black comedy, which is why I wish The Black List included genres.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Hit Me, Baby
17 votes
Kurt McLeod
After Liv, a world-class hitwoman, breaks up with her boyfriend, Martin, he puts out a massive contract on his own life to get her attention. What Martin doesn’t realize is that it’s an open contract with a 48-hour expiration, so now every assassin in the western hemisphere is coming after him. Liv makes a deal to keep him safe until the contract expires, if he pays her out the full bounty. With the clock ticking, the two must eludes some of the world’s most prolific killers
SS Breakdown: Oh boy. This has way too many rules. Is way too confusing. The motivations are hard to understand unless you concentrate really hard. I’m not sure it makes sense. Putting a contact on your life to get someone to notice you. What??? I don’t get it.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Polo
17 votes
Nika Burnett
When a young woman returns home from the Navy, she joins a local water polo team and finds herself fighting a new battle.
SS Breakdown: What stuck out to me here was that the writer is repped by Rain, who seems to have a ton of scripts on the Black List. I don’t know much about them. Are they new? I have to say, this sounds like it may be up my alley. There’s something random about joining a local water polo team. Who joins water polo teams? But it also seems like the perfect subject matter to create a black comedy out of. I’m curious about this one.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Nest
17 votes
Aaron Benjamin
Confined to “the nest,” a Secret Service Sniper gets a strange call on the radio from a deranged mastermind who’s holding his family hostage in a box suite during America’s biggest game– The Super Bowl.
SS Breakdown: It’s definitely a high concept idea. I would’ve liked if the writer (or manager) clarified what “The Nest” is. I don’t know what it is and many other people won’t know either. You have to remember that as a screenwriter writing a logline – we don’t know unless you tell us. Things that are obvious to you may not be obvious to us. Personally, this feels like one of those “almost there” ideas. It’s missing that strange attractor.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
We Got Next
Aaron Goldberg, Alex Goldberg, & Michael Goldberg
The true story of how one daring executive beat the odds to launch the longest-running league in women’s sports: the WNBA.
SS Breakdown: If you’re into subject matter like this, you know who you should do a biopic on? The guy who invented The Tennis Channel, Steve Bellamy, who used to be my boss. In order to raise money, Bellamy used Google, which was less than a year old at the time, to google the richest people in the world. And then he just cold-called every single one of them until he raised all the money he needed. He didn’t know any of them. Crazy! I’m probably not going to watch any movie about the WNBA but I do think the writers were smart in recognizing that this is the ultimate Black List catnip.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
10/24/02
Connor McKnight
On one rainy night in October, a man checks into the Mooncrest Motel. He never leaves. A real time, single-location thriller in the aftermath of a heist at Area 51.
SS Breakdown: Speaking of catnip, you are not going to put “Area 51” in your logline and not get me at least a little bit interested. I’m not sure you need to put the specific motel name in the logline. I’m not sure what that achieves. But I do like a heist that happens at Area 51. That allows for some high concept tomfoolery.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Profit
16 votes
Andrew Ferguson
The astonishing true story of how an unknown, evangelical Christian immigrant, Bill Hwang, suffered the greatest loss of wealth in American history, gambling away his $35 billion fortune and jeopardizing the entire financial system in under forty eight hours.
SS Breakdown: We’ve got our first seasoned Scriptshadow reader in the mix, with Andrew. Awesome to see him make the coveted list. High stakes money-centric true stories are hot right now and this sounds like a good one. I’m curious about what “gambled away” means, though. Does that mean literally gambling? Like in Vegas? Or just gambled on some bad investments? Cause losing 35 billion on craps would be the ultimate movie ever.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Better Half
15 votes
Gaelyn Golde
A codependent woman unravels when her best friend gets a boyfriend.
SS Breakdown: Extremely simple premise. Probably too simple. But the writer accurately portrays where the central conflict is going to come from so that we can imagine in the movie. “Codpenednet” is your central conflict. To understand why, imagine the logline without that word. It doesn’t read as powerfully. I’m worried this one might not have legs. But it’s one of the scripts so far that’s on my radar.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Fistmas
14 votes
Jack Waz
In order to propose to the girl of his dreams, a lovestruck guy must first survive her hometown’s annual Christmas fighting tournament.
SS Breakdown: I need my logline to give me something I understand. I’ve never heard of a “Christmas fighting tournament” before. So how am I going to invest in something that I didn’t even know existed until two minutes ago? With loglines like this, a little hand-holding is helpful. Just tell us what the tournament is. What it entails. Yeah, it will make the logline longer but clarity is more important than brevity.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Love and War and Guernica
14 votes
Sam Zvibelman
Against the backdrop of a present-day, war-torn, America, Love and War and Guernica is a dark comedy about Neil Mudd, a reporter for the Union who is suffering from writer’s block ever since his break-up, and his engaging with a mysterious horse following him through war torn Los Feliz, California. When the Union recruits Neil for a top secret mission, he and the horse go on an epic journey that, emotionally, serves as a metaphor for the war going on inside Neil’s heart.
SS Breakdown: Yikes. Okay, there’s a lot here. I like the concept of a modern day Civil War. There are obviously some The Man Who Killed Don Quixote inspirations at play. It just doesn’t sound, from this synopsis, like there’s much focus in the story. It sounds interesting but when I read this, I can’t quite imagine the movie and you need the reader to be able to see the movie in their head when they read your logline.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Getaway
14 votes
Mario Kyprianou & Becky Leigh
A couple on the brink of divorce sets off on a romantic getaway to save their marriage, but when they find that they have inexplicably traveled back in time, they decide to team up to stop their younger selves from ever getting married.
SS Breakdown: I’m a sucker for almost any idea that involves time travel. This one sounds like that George Clooney Julia Roberts movie that came out recently, except for more clever, as instead of parents trying to stop their kids from marrying, the actual couple is trying to stop themselves from marrying. That has potential.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Runner
13 votes
Tommy White & Miles Hubley
High end courier, Hank Malone, has three hours to transport a liver from LAX to a Santa Barbara hospital for immediate transplant surgery. The recipient? A dying seven-year-old girl with the rarest blood type on the planet. If only the head of the Southland’s most dangerous crime syndicate didn’t need the organ too.
SS Breakdown: Okay! I hear you Tommy and Miles. This one’s got goals, stakes, and urgency up the wazoo. Old school spec energy. Plus you’ve got a great antagonist. The conflict and obstacles are going to be off the charts. This is one of the few concepts on the list so far that sounds like a real movie – something that’s going to get made.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Masque of the Red Death
13 votes
Charlie Polinger
A grotesquely hilarious dark comedy based on Edgar Allen Poe’s short story “The Masque of the Red Death.”
SS Breakdown: I will leave this to a certain Scriptshadow commenter to assess. I don’t know anything about this short story. But you’re probably in good hands basing a story on one of the most popular literary figures in history. I just wish they’d tell us what the story was about instead of giving us the title.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Toxoplasmosis
13 votes
Andrew Nunnelly
The classic story of boy meets girl, boy loses girl… boy forms unexpected bromance with girl’s cat, who may actually be an intergalactic emissary sent to save humanity from itself.
SS Breakdown: I think cats are hilarious. I like this idea a lot actually. My only worry is that it’s a reminder of The Marvels. For those who don’t know, one of the characters on The Marvels is a cat, a cat that sounds similar to this cat. In spite of that, this one could be a sleeper.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
U.P.S.E.T.
13 votes
Ben Bolea
Two border cops in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula find themselves in the crosshairs of Canadian biker gangs, international drug cartels, and shady government agents after intercepting a drug deal gone bad–all the day after an awkward one-night stand.
SS Breakdown: I recognize Ben’s name as someone who read the blog from the beginning! So props to another unofficial Scriptshadow graduate. This one really would’ve benefited up front from a “Comedy” tag because the first part of the logline could be a serious movie. It sounds like it could be a fun movie. But Ben, come and get a logline consult. I’ll make this thing 100 times better. :)
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Untitled Missing Child
13 votes
Brenna Galvin
A mom-fluencer’s life unravels when her child goes missing and an unexpected discovery mires the investigation in a battle of perception. With buried secrets exposed, our mom is forced to take matters into her own hands, turning a simple missing person’s case into a story with twists that even the internet wouldn’t believe.
SS Breakdown: I like a great timeless concept. But, in order to stand out, it’s good to write a concept that couldn’t have been written ten years ago. That gives your idea that “fresh” angle that everyone is looking for. An ‘mom-fluencers’ are just so weird that I can’t imagine this won’t at least be interesting.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Dickens vs. Andersen
12 votes
Henry Oscar Thaler
Clumsy, awkward Hans Christian Andersen invites himself over to the country home of his idol, Charles Dickens… and overstays his welcome.
SS Breakdown: This almost feels like one of those Black List parody concepts. “You want to get on the Black List? Just write about Charles Dickens warring with another writer.” Also, Andersen isn’t nearly as well-known as Dickens so the logline is going to fall on deaf ears for some. This is going to need a lights-out execution to make up for that. It just doesn’t feel like a serious script to me.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Our House
12 votes
Will Youmans
When she wins an essay competition, Leila Moseley is brought to Capitol Hill to be honored by the United States Congress, but her luck runs out when the ceremony intersects with a violent insurrection, and she must team up with a group of aides, interns, and nepo babies to battle for survival against a legion of protesters and a secret society.
SS Breakdown: I read this title a little too quickly and initially thought it was called “Out House.” Please, I am begging the Scriptshadow faithful, for someone to write “Out House.” At the very least, write a logline. Personally, I read scripts and watch movies to escape all the negativity in the world. Even if something is dark, I’ll enjoy it if it’s entertaining. I don’t want to be reminded about politics. We’re inundated with that stuff so much. I don’t need more of it in my reading. With that said, the Black List looooooooves politics. Especially if it’s progressive. So we’ve got another smart writer here exploiting the system. And, to Will’s credit, it seems like it’s taking a comedic direction.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
Our Man In Miami
12 votes
Ozzy Inguanzo
A Miami construction contractor transforms into a notorious sports agent when he hatches a high- stakes scheme to steal Fidel Castro’s most prized assets–Cuban baseball players–for the New York Yankees. Based on the wild true story.
SS Breakdown: If you’re going to do sports true stories, look for the more offbeat ones. Not the obvious ones. This feels offbeat. It feels different and compelling. Also, chalk another one up for the rising stock of the sports biopic.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Great Pretender
12 votes
Kirill Baru & Eric Zimmerman
When Tom Hanks, the nicest guy in Hollywood (and someone who looks a lot like him), gets kidnapped, his doppelgänger must step in to save him. In a world of make-believe, it’s hard to know who to trust.
(Edit) Writer e-mailed. Here’s his real logline: When Tom Hanks, the nicest guy in Hollywood (and arguably the World), finds his life stolen by a Tom Hanks impersonator, the only way to get it back is to do the one thing he’s never been able to: stop being nice.
SS Breakdown: Has anyone listened to the Dead Eyes podcast? It’s one of the craziest podcasts you’ll ever listen to. This actor had his dream destroyed when Tom Hanks vetoed him for a roll in Band of Brothers because he looked like he had “dead eyes.” This is something Hanks told to someone who told to someone else and it got back to the actor. So the actor made this entire podcast about Tom Hanks, his hero, destroying him. And, in the third season, he gets to interview Tom Hanks. This is a long-winded way of me saying, there’s potential in this idea but I’m not seeing enough of that in the logline. For example, what if the doppelgänger was actually the cruelest person on the planet? And he had to take the place of the nicest person on the planet. There’s a lot of comedy potential there.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Peasant
12 votes
Will Dunn
In the 14th Century, a lone shepherd rages against a company of mercenary knights after they ransack his peaceful peasant community, proving that he is more than he seems.
SS Breakdown: I can tell when a logline was not written by the writer. And this is that. Cause the last part of the logline completely falls off a cliff. It’s too general. We need specificity in loglines. Tell us what he does. Not an approximation of what he does. Cause this could be good but it’s hard to tell with this botched logline.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Pentester
12 votes
Jesse Quiñones
When a pentester with a perfect track record for breaching his clients’ security systems takes an unusually high-paying job, his success proves to be in vain as he finds himself in the middle of a deadly conspiracy where the only way out is forward.
SS Breakdown: A script about a pen tester? That’s an ink-redible idea. Ohhhhh! A “pentester.” Pentester. Gotcha. Wait, what the heck is a pentester? Okay, just looked it up: “A penetration test, colloquially known as a pentest or ethical hacking.” This one doesn’t get my toes wiggling. Any tech idea that could’ve been written 20 years ago is probably not the best script to write. Unless you’re doing something fresh and new that’s not evident in the logline.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Backcountry
11 votes
Kevin Sheridan
Once the future of extreme skiing, Brooks Provence is approached to ski the mountain that nearly ended his life two decades ago–this time alongside a young skier on the brink of stardom. But when disaster falls, Brooks must overcome his past and accomplish the impossible in order to save the lives of those he loves most.
SS Breakdown: I just reviewed one of Kevin’s scripts not too long ago. It was very good. I like the subject matter of “extreme skiing.” Sounds more exotic than “skiing.” These things matter in a logline. You must look for ways – any ways at all – to differentiate your idea from the competition. Since I liked Colors of Authority I’ll definitely check this one out.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Blood Rush
11 votes
Andrew Ferguson
In response to a mysterious rise in Miami gang violence, a meticulous FBI agent gets recruited by a covert operations unit, only to discover the enemy they are fighting may not be human.
SS Breakdown: Ferguson with his second script on the list. He’s got my attention with this one. I would like some clarity, however, on what “not human” means. It could be monsters. It could be aliens. Whichever one it is will increase or decrease my excitement for this script.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Last Resort
11 votes
Laura Stoltz
When a grieving woman takes a trip to a posh, Icelandic resort designed to assist its guests with ending their lives, she meets people who finally force her to accept the things she cannot explain.
SS Breakdown: Suicide scripts are a slippery slope. They’re hard characters to get audiences on board with cause they’re so depressing and their goal is such a sad one. But I like the Icelandic resort development. That tells me there could be some exotic creative choices somewhere down the line.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Sea Dogs
11 votes
Josh Woolf
After two down-on-their-luck lobster fishermen botch a hijacking attempt on the high seas, they are forced to confront the consequences of their actions as they struggle to navigate a world they no longer recognize.
SS Breakdown: Another strong beginning to the logline. I like the specificity of “lobster fisherman.” When I say “I like the specificity” of that, what I mean is, I don’t read a lot of scripts about lobster fishermen. It’s a new world with new rules I get to learn and experience. Readers enjoy that. They don’t enjoy the same thing over and over again. They want new. But the second half of the logline doesn’t even make sense. Did Chat GPT write this? By the way, where are all the AI concepts? You’d think writers would be all over that. ZERO representation on this one, by the way. Which raises my interest a notch (it’s much harder to get votes as an unrepped writer since no one is pushing your script around town. Therefore, it is more likely that the script is good, since it is being passed around organically).
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Crowd
11 votes
Jack Heller
In a claustrophobic race against time, a woman must unravel the mystery behind a malevolent crowd before she succumbs to their relentless pursuit.
SS Breakdown: This is another one of the few longlines on this list that feels like it could actually be a movie. Crowds are scary in certain situations. Yet I never would’ve thought to write a horror movie about them. Good on this writer for identifying this as an idea. One of the better concepts on the list.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Final Score
11 votes
Will Hettinger
Two FBI agents are pitted against a crew of bank robbers–and each other–as they grapple with order and chaos inside their own department and home lives.
SS Breakdown: Wow, this is waaaaaay too vague to assess. I’m assuming there’s a movie here. It’s one of the only scripts with an actual production company behind it (Jerry Bruckheimer). Kaplan and Perrone are good at assessing talent I know. But this is a generic soup of a logline.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent (need more info)
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Light At The End
11 votes
Arun Croll
When a solar event fills the sky with endless light that kills everything it touches, a young woman must find a way to escape the house where she is trapped with a doomsday cultist.
SS Breakdown: Heeeeey! It’s Arun Croll! Arun was one of my five finalists in The Last Great Screenplay Contest with his script about the Japanese act of rope bondage where everyone is tied up and someone comes to rob the place. Fun script. Good writer. Timely topic with this latest one, as well. There’s some weird hole opening up in the sun. Very happy for Arun.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Wolf in Chiefs Clothing
11 votes
Adam Christopher Best
A lovable loser from a family of criminals becomes the Kansas City Chiefs’ most famous superfan. His newfound status is expensive, so he teams up with his imaginary friend–an anthropomorphic version of the team’s wolf mascot–and goes on a bank-robbing spree.
SS Breakdown: Believe it or not, this is actually a true story. I heard about this a little while a go. This dude who’s OBSESSED with the Chiefs and became their most photographed fan because he was always wearing these crazy outfits to the game, was secretly a bank robber. This could be funny if they do it right.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
What’s My Age Again
11 votes
Jackson Kellard
The true story of Kansas teenager Jack Bergeson’s meteoric rise and fall after he discovered a loophole in the state’s constitution that allowed him to run for governor, inciting a statewide youth movement that changed politics forever.
SS Breakdown: I don’t get it. I thought anyone could run for governor. There are age limits? If we’re going to write a movie about some shocking act, the act has to actually be shocking, right? But it just goes to show that “true story” really does give your pitch more weight. If you look at the value of a script on a 1-10 scale, “based on a true story” kicks it up an extra notch or two. Not for me. But for Hollywood.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Chaperones
10 votes
Sarah Rothschild
A single dad tries to bond with his teenage daughter by chaperoning her field trip, only to have to save the world (and possibly her virginity) when an ancient evil is unleashed.
SS Breakdown: I laughed when I read this only because I have no idea what it means. Ancient evils are running around high schools trying to steal girl’s virginities? I need a face here. I need to be able to imagine who the antagonist is. A vague allusion to “evil” actively makes your logline worse. SPECIFICS PEOPLE! SPECIFICS!
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Personal Best
10 votes
Ryan Hoang Williams
Based on the true story of James Hogue, a talented student and long-distance runner who was admitted to Princeton University under the false identity of “Alexi Indris-Santana”–an orphaned, self-educated, teenage ranch hand.
SS Breakdown: Hey man. Everyone knows the Ivy League school selection process is rigged so you know what? Good for James Hogue. And good for true life sports stories which are giving musical artist biopics a run for their money on the Black List.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Last Tower
10 votes
Aaron Sala
When a disaster strikes, a family is trapped in their high-rise Miami hotel. With danger closing in fast, they’re left with only one way to go: Up.
SS Breakdown: What’s the disaster? That’s so pivotal in making this a good idea or an average idea. Either way, I’ve always liked ideas contained in high rises, especially where you’re forced to go up. Because up is a contradiction. You save yourself now but the further up you go, the further from safety you are. This is another “movie” idea. Lots of these scripts on the Black List are screenplays only. They’re not cinematic enough. This is.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Undying
10 votes
Ben Ketai
A woman, suffocated by motherhood, has an affair with a man she hasn’t seen since high school– only to discover he has been dead for years.
SS Breakdown: What strikes me about this one is that it’s an old-as-time idea. Yet no one has figured it out yet. Here’s the logline for the 2004 Topher Grace movie, “P.S.” – An unfulfilled divorced woman gets the chance to relive her past when she meets a young man who appears to be her high school sweetheart who died many years before. — Same exact idea right? But that movie realizes that, after you get past the hook where is there to go? It’s a muddled narrative no matter how you look at it. But Netflix and hot production company, 21 Laps, are making this. I suppose because it is a buzzy concept that will get people to click. Especially if you put Jenna Ortega in it!
Beyond the Grave
9 votes
Maximiliano Hernández
Three people at different points of the immigrant experience come together when the mother of a 10-year-old musical prodigy is arrested in an ICE raid.
SS Breakdown: Giving me some “Babel” vibes. Can definitely see why this made the Black List. A serious concept about immigration is pretty much guaranteed to get you near the landing strip. This feels like one of those multi-storyline ensemble scripts that are heavily execution-dependent.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Blasphemous
9 votes
Luke Piotrowski
An inexperienced priest and a charismatic possessed woman form a dark and dangerous bond while on the run from sinister forces within the Catholic Church.
SS Breakdown: How bout we turn this into a romantic comedy and call it, “Separation of Church and Date.” Thank you. I’ll be here all night. This sounds like one of those okay movies. It’s difficult coming up with a movie idea because movies like this one DO GET MADE. Cause it does have a bit of a hook. But they’re not catchy enough to get readers excited to read them. I wish this had one more element to put it over the top.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Boy Fall From The Sky
9 votes
Hunter Toro
An anxious playwright finds himself tangled in a web of deceit, injury, and intellectual property as he adapts his first Broadway musical, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. Inspired by a true story.
SS Breakdown: Best writer name of the lot so far. Who’s going to forget the name “Hunter Toro?” I know I never will. Also, a writer’s best friend: Inspired by a true story. It’s every writer’s secret way to get that ‘based on a true story’ cred while completely making something up. I’ll read any writer-centric story so I’m in.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Die Fast
9 votes
Julian Meiojas
Following a severe, soon to be fatal, brain injury during a violent attack, an NYPD sergeant embarks on a harrowing journey of vengeance, which leaves her only a few hours of adrenaline-bursting consciousness to hunt down those who took her daughter and killed her husband before she dies.
SS Breakdown: If Scott had his own Black List, I’m pretty sure this script would take up the first ten slots. It’s a fairly common idea but the goals, stakes, and urgency are so high that why wouldn’t you read it? You’ll probably finish in half an hour.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Down Came The Rain
9 votes
Katie Found
When a woman gives birth to a spider, she begins to question her unraveling reality and the psychological and arachnid horrors of postpartum motherhood.
SS Breakdown: It’s getting late and I’m getting loopy. So another concept change suggestion. Change the title to “Blame it on the Rain,” and base it on two spiders with the heads of Milli Vanilli. I would definitely watch that. In all seriousness, I feel like I’ve read this script in several different iterations. It’s not my jam, my jelly, my vegemite, or my Nutella.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
If I Had Your Face
9 votes
Ran Ran Wang
When Jo’s best friend, Rina starts dating a white man, she begins transforming into something different: a white woman. Through it all, Jo can’t seem to convince anyone that there is cause for concern. But when three unidentifiable white women turn up dead, Jo realizes that they had all been Asian women who dated the same man, and now that he has Rina in his sights, it’s up to Jo to save her before she becomes his next victim.
SS Breakdown: I’ve read this logline three times now and I’m pretty sure I lost 17 IQ points doing so. Considering I was barely above 100 to begin with, that means I’m officially in double-digits. My dream of becoming a member of Mensa is dying by the minute. This one doesn’t just need a logline rewrite, it needs a logline intervention.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
Immune
9 votes
Daniel Persitz
The story of Dr. Maurice Hilleman, the brilliant father of modern vaccines, who by deftly negotiating corporate politics, prevented a deadly pandemic and created the groundbreaking vaccines for measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox and many others that still save eight million lives a year worldwide.
SS Breakdown: I suppose that if you want to get attention, being political and highlighting controversial subject matter is a good strategy. It’s just not the type of script I’m interested in. I need an entertaining component to the story. Let’s not forget this is called the entertainment industry. Not the Let’s Remind You Of What Everyone Is Complaining About On Twitter Industry.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
Kazan
9 votes
Chris Parizo
The story of the tumultuous relationship between Arthur Miller and Elia Kazan–born out of the success of DEATH OF A SALESMAN and destroyed when Elia Kazan named names to the House Committee on Un-American Activities, resulting in two of the greatest works of the 20th century: THE CRUCIBLE and ON THE WATERFRONT.
SS Breakdown: Am I being punked right now? This had to have been generated by the Black List AI, which Franklin Leonard has, without question, created in secret. I have no idea if this script is any good. It may be amazing. But this is the paradox of the Black List. The scripts that are guaranteed to get you on the list are the exact same scripts that everyone in the industry makes fun of. If Chris hadn’t written this script, Black List AI would have.
Palette
9 votes
Zack Strauss
A woman who discovers she is suffering from severe synesthesia gets recruited into the secretive, cult-like industry of color design by a mysterious corporation but then uncovers the bloody, dark, and twisted reality of what it really takes to make the world’s next great hues.
SS Breakdown: This one sounds wild and original. All writers take note! This is how you come up with a unique concept. One of the best on the list easily.
[x] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Nowhere Game
9 votes
Alex Pototsky
Two young women are kidnapped, brought deep into the woods, given a head start, and then hunted down by their sadistic captor all for the pleasure of the online fans of “The Nowhere Game.”
SS Breakdown: Human hunting is always entertaining fare in the book and movie world. The question is, have you come up with an original version of the idea? This isn’t giving me that, at least from the logline they provided. I get submitted a lot of concepts like this one. But you have to give the writer credit for coming up with an actual movie idea. Something someone would buy and turn into a movie and make money off of.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Ferocious
8 votes
Mark Bloom
A team of financially desperate hotel employees embark on a deadly treasure hunt to recover priceless diamonds from a wrecked yacht in the middle of “The Red Triangle,” the world’s most dangerous hunting ground for great white sharks.
SS Breakdown: Marc Bloom DEFINITELY reads Scriptshadow. He knows that when you bring sharks into the sand box, everyone in school shows up to play! There are a few too many things going on in this logline but it still sounds exciting. And another movie idea! Two in a row!
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Lure
8 votes
Nick Tassoni
When a park ranger ventures into the wilderness to find a missing hiker before a storm, she finds herself lured into the woods by a dangerous, unearthly predator mimicking her dead daughter.
SS Breakdown: Lost in the woods. I just did a consult on a lost in the woods script. There’s something universal about getting lost that gives ideas such as this one a big potential audience. But they always come back to the monster. Is the monster cool? Is the monster interesting? We don’t know yet. But it is a solid setup for a movie.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Roses
8 votes
Evan Twohy
A married man takes his girlfriend on a romantic getaway to a villa. There is a swimming pool.
SS Breakdown: This reminds me of one of my favorite screenplays, “Lamp.” I remember the logline like it was yesterday. “A man buys a lamp and goes home then watches TV.” The midpoint twist of the power going out was, to this day, one of the most enjoyable twists I’ve ever experienced.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to (need more info)
[ ] won’t read
Sundown
8 votes
Nick Hurwitch
Monsters that roam in daylight keep a small, rural family confined to a nocturnal lifestyle. But when their son starts to question the monsters’ existence, his parents must see how far they’re willing to go to keep him safe.
SS Breakdown: I know there are monsters in this one. I’m not sure if the monsters are the main characters or the antagonists. I’m going to reserve judgment in the meantime. But even with this vague logline, just by including monsters, the writer makes their script more marketable than 75% of the loglines on this list.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Adults in the Room
8 votes
Jake Disch
On November 1, 2022, FTX was valued at $32 billion. On November 11, 2022, it filed for bankruptcy. This is the incredible true story of the meteoric rise and catastrophic fall of FTX and its enigmatic founder, Sam Bankman-Fried.
SS Breakdown: We all knew this one was coming. Again, these true-story high stakes financial concepts are all the rage right now. Google “richest people ever” or “biggest companies to fall” and you can have your high stakes financial script prepped and ready to send out in six months.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
The Stratford Wife
8 votes
Sarah E. Sinclair
Anne Hathaway, a rebellious woman who has a way with words, weds William Shakespeare, an aspiring actor ten years her junior. They form a plan to sell her plays anonymously. But when William travels to London, Anne is stunned to learn he takes all the credit for himself, leaving her to forever live in the shadow of the greatest playwright to ever live.
SS Breakdown: My brain just officially broke. This sounds like one of those weird fan fiction stories on the Dark Web’s version of Reddit. The kind where half the pages cover the lustful exploits of Anne and William. To the writer’s credit, I could not have come up with this idea if you gave me a million chances.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[x] won’t read
Woodwork
8 votes
Abiel Bruhn
While settling his mother’s estate, awkward loner James reunites with his long-lost brother Rob who oozes wealth, charm, and confidence–but the chance encounter leads to a twisted game of wits and violence.
SS Breakdown: I like the title. I’m too loopy to be able to explain why. I like the contrast between the brothers. Good old fashioned sibling rivalry is always ripe for some drama. Can’t really tell if this is a good idea until I know what the twisted game is. That’s the whole movie right there. If that’s cool, you’ve got a script. If not, you don’t.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
8 Habits of Highly Murderous People
7 votes
Michael Boyle
Psychologist Dr. Martin Park specializes in working with clients trying to curtail extreme violent urges. However, when a series of brutally murdered bodies are discovered in his small New England hometown, it’s up to Martin to figure out which of his patients is responsible.
SS Breakdown: Provocative title. Serial killers always sell tickets. So, marketable. I’m wondering if this commenter is Brian Michael Boyle’s long lost brother. Which would make this really meta, considering that it came right after Woodwork. Are Michael and Brian Michael about to get into a twisted game of wits and violence?
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
American Dreams
7 votes
Tricia Lee & Corey Brown
In the not-so-distant future, an Asian-American woman works at a company where you can hire people to write your dreams. When one of her clients mysteriously dies, she realizes that those who have the power to write your dreams, also have the power to write your nightmares.
SS Breakdown: High concept idea here. In my experience, however, these are tricky scripts to write unless you come up with a clear direction. The reason that one of the best movie setups ever – Flatliners – didn’t work was because it didn’t have a clear direction after the hook. This feels sort of like that but it may just be the way the logline is written.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Blow up the Chat
7 votes
Amos Vernon & Nunzio Randazzo
When their embarrassing, sometimes filthy, possibly cancellable group chat falls into the wrong hands, a group of dudes must go on a madcap scavenger hunt around town to appease a mysterious blackmailer.
SS Breakdown: Okay, this actually sounds kinda good. Because it’s saying something about society and doing it in an entertaining way. There’s this belief in the world that anything you’ve said at any point in your private life is cancellable. But when we’re in safe spaces talking to people privately, we’re more honest, we’re less afraid to offend. And so the idea that that chat could get out into the world and screw up the rest of your life – those are high stakes for such a small idea. Good title too.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Boxman
7 votes
Adam Yorke
After a botched bank heist leaves nineteen people locked inside a state-of-the-art vault, the FBI recruits the world’s foremost box-man from federal prison so he can break them out before they suffocate inside.
SS Breakdown: Wow, 19 people is a lot! I would’ve gone with between 5-8. It’s hard to keep track of that many people. Unless people start getting shot and killed. Either way, we’ve got a contained location. Cool idea. Marketable. I think we’ve got another elusive Black List movie on our hands.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Displacement
7 votes
Chiara Atik
What’s worse than a cruise? Being a twenty-seven-year-old single woman chaperoning your ninety something grandparents on one, right after a crippling break-up.
SS Breakdown: Cruises have the potential to be great setups for movies, especially if there’s a dark component to your idea. Because you have automatic irony. Cruises are supposed to be heaven. Yet for the character, they’re hell. So I like that about the idea. It’s not clear if there are only old people on this cruise though. Because that changes the idea. Gotta give us the full information if you want us to be able to envision the movie.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Harness
7 votes
Leigh Janiak
In the violent world of underground horse racing, a wannabe female jockey and her trainer brother- in-law become entangled in an illicit relationship full of blood, sweat, and sex that pushes the limits of their bodies and the law.
SS Breakdown: I’m not sure what’s going on here but I like it. Underground horse racing is something I’ve never heard of. But it sounds intriguing. Blood sweat and sex tells me this is going to be dark. I like that. I don’t love gender-swapping for the sake of gender-swapping. But a female jockey feels fresh in this context. I’m in.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Mole People
7 votes
Nathan Elston
When an unhoused teen turns up brutally murdered, his estranged brother searches for answers in the underworld of New York City and uncovers a series of horrifying crimes hiding deep in the abandoned subway systems.
SS Breakdown: You lost me with the PC Olympics treatment of the word “homeless.” I’ll tell you why. It denotes a writer who is careful not to offend. And you cannot write anything of substance without offending someone. It’s impossible. So if that’s the place you’re writing from – a place of fear – I know I’m going to read a script full of super safe choices. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something good that played it super safe the whole way through.
Old Time Hockey
7 votes
Kevin Jakubowski
A forty-three-year-old snowplow driver decides to get his high school hockey team back together to play a state championship game.
SS Breakdown: I’m inclined to love this solely because my Chicago brethren Polish brother has written it. I also love these “get the band back together” comedy concepts. There’s potential baked into that setup.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
People Walk Dogs Late At Night In The Suburbs
7 votes
Drake Wootton
A charming high school math teacher-about to be a father-comes up with a plan to course correct his life after having an affair with his student.
SS Breakdown: This one takes you through a rollercoaster, doesn’t it? The title seems innocent enough. So does the first half of the logline. Then it’s like, “Holy crap! This just got serious!” The teacher-student relationship has been one of the more reliable conflicts in fictional storytelling so there’s no reason to stop writing about it now. In fact, now’s probably the best time to write about it since people aren’t expecting it as much. Poor Things worked, in part, because it crossed a lot of lines you didn’t expect due to the fact that so many people over these last few years are playing it safe in fear of offending.
[ ] must read
[x] curious
[ ] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Please Come Back
7 votes
Mike George
A young couple who perform rituals to raise people from the dead get more than they bargained for when they attempt to re-animate a young girl who doesn’t remember how she died.
SS Breakdown: Speaking of Poor Things! Another reanimation concept. This is another idea that doesn’t give us enough info. I would need to know how she died to be able to tell if this was a good idea or not.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Propel
7 votes
Jeremy Marwick
A commercial diver fights to survive after a boating accident leaves her for dead underwater.
SS Breakdown: Being stuck underwater is the setup for a life-harrowing situation with goals, stakes, and urgency. But is there enough here for a movie? At least with Whalefall, we were in a moving whale! Here, it feels like we’re just stuck in the underside of some boat or something.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[x] decent
[ ] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Unnie
7 votes
Lynn Yu
In the cutthroat world of K-POP, a group’s debut is threatened when someone begins to violently attack its members.
SS Breakdown: There may not be a topic in the world I know less about than K-Pop. With that said, A LOT OF PEOPLE LOVE K-POP. So there’s an audience out there if you like this subject matter. And I do love stories that highlight the irony of these worlds. They look fun and happy on the outside. But inside, they’re ugly and dangerous. If this script focuses on that, it could work.
[ ] must read
[ ] curious
[ ] decent
[x] if I have to
[ ] won’t read
Frankenstein meets Forest Gump meets Flowers for Algernon meets The Island of Doctor Moreau meets Wes Anderson meets 50 Shades of Gray
Genre: Drama/Fantastical
Premise: A crazy old doctor performs an unthinkable experiment on a young woman and charts her progress as she opens up to a new world of sexuality that she embraces with aplomb.
About: To tackle playing different mental ages throughout the movie, Emma Stone came up with five “templates” for how she would act at the ages required for each stage of the film. This allowed her to know which ‘version’ of Emma to perform in a production that was shot out of order. The screenplay was written over four and a half years time.
Writer: Tony McNamara and Alasdair Gray
Details: 2 hours and 20 minutes
Some of you were probably hoping I would review the new Netflix flick, “Leave the World Behind,” so I’ll leave a mini-review in the comments. You can also check out my review of the book here.
Okay, onto my big weekend movie…
You guys know me well enough to know I’m not the biggest indie movie fan. I think a lot of indie movies are smoke and mirrors. They’re weak scripts bolstered by artistic direction from talented directors. But when you undress them, the stories are a hodgepodge of half-realized ideas drowning in melodrama, philosophy, quirkiness, or some unappealing combination of the three.
With that said, I understand that a film is not just a screenplay. The acting, the cinematography, the sound, the music, the set design, the locations, the direction — all of these things can make you feel something separate from the writing. So, every once in a while, when I watch an indie film, it works. Which is exactly what happened with Poor Things.
It helps that this is unlike any movie I’ve ever seen before. Let me give you an idea of how weird this movie is: I almost walked out in the first ten minutes. The cinematography, music, and acting were so jarring that I felt like I was going to vomit. I’m not kidding. I got super queasy.
I’m glad I gutted it out, though.
Our story is set in an indeterminant time – my guess is somewhere in the 1800s – and follows a mad genius named Godwin who finds the body of a rich pregnant woman who killed herself by diving off a bridge into the river. This, Godwin decides, is “Bella.”
For reasons only Godwin understands, he takes the brain out of the still living fetus and inserts it into Bella’s skull. So Bella is now her child. And you thought the ending of Chinatown was a trip!
Godwin hires a young assistant named Max to chart Bella’s every move. Because Bella is beautiful, Max falls in love with her, and Godwin tells Max they should marry, which both Max and Bella are thrilled about.
But then Bella discovers self-pleasure which completely changes her view of reality. A lawyer and cad, named Duncan, who comes in to notarize the marriage, finds himself drawn to Bella and asks her to come away with him on an adventure where they will have copious amounts of sex. That’s all Bella needs to hear. She’s in.
Off they go to Lisbon where Duncan fulfills his promise. But then one afternoon, when Duncan is asleep, a restless Bella heads out into the city where she engages in some sexual exercises with random men. Being a child, she sees nothing wrong with this and excitedly shares her experiences with Duncan, who is beyond mortified.
After a series of fights, the two end up in Paris without any money and, without consulting Duncan, Bella rectifies the situation by heading to a local brothel and offering her services. She loves the experience so much that she decides to become a full-time prostitute. Eventually, she learns that Godwin is dying and heads home, where Max is thrilled to see her again. Once there, she is confronted by her former husband (before she killed herself). Bella will have to make a choice of whether to stay with Max or return to her original husband.
Man, where do you start with this film?
There’s so much going on!
I guess let’s talk about the most relevant element for screenwriters, which is that if you want to nab a great actor, write a movie with a kid in an adult body. It’s the clearest path to an Oscar. We saw it with Sam Rockwell playing a 14 year old in Three Billboards. We saw it with Olivia Colman playing a child in The Favourite. And now Emma Stone is going to win the Oscar for playing a 5 year old.
Cause she will win the Oscar for this. The race is over. Not only is she playing this very unique part but the things that Emma Stone does in this performance are borderline unsettling. I don’t like to use the word “brave” in acting because, well, “playing pretend” doesn’t have that high of a ceiling. But it’s appropriate. She is brave for the insane things that she does.
And then there’s the icky part of this movie. I’m just going to say it. Bella is a 3 year old prostitute. It’s insane when you really think about what’s going on and how someone got this idea and everyone signed up for it. The more you think about it, the more icky it gets.
But let’s look beyond that. In a movie like this that has such a unique character, it is almost impossible for any other actor in the movie to stand out. But Mark Ruffalo somehow manages to. Probably because he plays something he’s never played before: a sexual deviant a-hole. And he does so hilariously.
The real power in his performance is his unraveling. He starts off as this super-confident charming ladies’ man who’s bedded hundreds of women. But through each excursion with Bella, he loses more and more of that confidence because she drives him crazy. She’ll go out for a croissant and come back having slept with a stranger, lol. Duncan cannot handle it. He freaks out, throwing a number of temper-tantrums, each of which is worthy of its own Oscar.
Then you have the sets. I’ve never seen sets like this. There’s a fairy-tale aspect to them and, yet, they somehow feel real. The Lisbon set, in particular, where they were up on this cliff in this little town. It was romantic and beautiful – kind of like how a famous city might look in a dream. Yorgos captured that. The boat set was a favorite as well.
The big thing I worry about with these movies is that they’re more concerned with being weird than good. That’s definitely how things played out early. But by the midpoint, it became quite an emotional film that was trying to say something about growing up and lost innocence and embracing who you are. And there were some heavy emotional moments late between Bella and Godwin, her quasi-father who did the unthinkable to her. It wasn’t just dumb shock value.
Will I recommend this to friends? Not unless you’ve spent at least one day of your life watching a Jean-Luc Goddard marathon. You need some cinephile street cred to be able to make it through this movie, I feel confident in saying. Its strangeness is more overwhelming than any casual moviegoer will be able to handle.
But, at the end of the day, the movie DOES work. And it’s worth seeing just for Emma Stone’s performance. I promise you, you’ll leave saying to yourself, “Wow,” after you watch what she does.
[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the price of admission
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Poor Things, as wacky a movie as it is, uses one of the oldest screenplay templates in the business: The Hero’s Journey. Go ahead and watch this movie next to Star Wars. You’ll see that it follows an extremely similar narrative. It goes to show that The Hero’s Journey can be used for the highest-grossing films in the business as well as the artsiest of artsy fare.
Genre: Thriller
Winning Logline: An emotionally fragile executive failing to live up to his potential in life hires a mysterious personal development coach whose unorthodox, life-threatening tactics push him to the brink of death.
About: This logline took on a competitive bunch this weekend and, in a hard fought battle, came out on top, pulling in 30% of the votes with 22. The second-place logline, A Chinese Vampire Story, snatched up 21 votes. That’s the tightest race we’ve had in a while! Mr. Gregory is a teacher teaching all the way out in Cambodia! So make sure all my Cambodian readers chime in. Phnom Penh for life!
Writer: Howard Gregory
Details: 124 pages
Javier Bardem to play the Mentor?
First of all, I just want to say how happy I am for today’s writer, Howard. I consulted on this script for him a while back and I kept telling him, “This is a really good idea.” But when he queried people, he wasn’t getting any requests and began doubting the marketability of the concept. That didn’t sit right with me. I knew this was a good movie idea. So I’m glad everybody who voted it into the number 1 slot this past Showdown confirmed that.
I’m actually curious if Howard’s e-mail query is the problem. Maybe he can share it in the comments. As someone who reads a lot of queries, I know that a poor query can result in someone immediately dismissing the submission. Cause querying is writing. So if you can’t get that right, it’s an “honest signal” to the manager/agent/producer that you won’t get the script right either. If anyone’s interested, I do e-mail query consults. They’re 50 bucks. Just e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com if you’re interested.
From what I remember, I wanted The Mentor to achieve a certain level of darkness. The execution was too light and surface-level for my taste. I also wanted more authenticity and depth to the characters’ jobs and storylines. I wanted it to feel REAL, which, in my opinion, Howard hadn’t achieved yet. This is a whole new draft, though. So I’m expecting it to be bigger and better! I’ll post the first page of the script then get into the plot summary…
30 year old Joel works as an assistant at a PR firm and is, for all intents and purposes, invisible. Until one day his boss, Harvey, is freaking out because their biggest client just called someone the n-word. Joel walks in the board room with coffees and accidentally spills them on a furious Harvey.
Joel races out of the room to his one friend in the office (who’s more like a frenemy), Alex, and Alex takes care of it, convincing Harvey to give Joel another shot. Meanwhile, Joel heads to his artist girlfriend’s show, where he sees the art curator touching her inappropriately and her allowing it. He confronts her and they get in a fight.
Afterwards, as Joel walks the streets, trying to calm down, a mysterious man, who witnessed the scene at the show, gives him the card of a man who can help him. Joel hems and haws for a couple of days but eventually meets the man, Nathan. Immediately, we can see that Nathan is a different cat. He’s strong-willed, cocky, assured, confident. And he tells Joel that if he wants to change his life, he can help him. He’s got five lessons. Are you in, or are you out? Joel is in.
Lesson 1 is “Be comfortable in your own skin” and involves Joel wearing an embarrassing rabbit mask in public. Lesson 2 is “Say it like you mean it” and requires yelling out what Joel feels on the top of a derelict silo. Lesson three is “The Chair” and requires Joel to sit in a chair and withstand a barrage of people who try to take it from him. Lesson 4 is “The Blindfold,” and requires Joel to walk across a road blindfolded, trusting Nathan to guide him. Lesson 5 is “Behave in ways that get you what you want” and places Joel in a scenario where he must decide whether to hurt someone he knows badly.
As this is happening, Joel takes the lead on the PR debacle and contacts the elusive client on his own. With his newfound confidence, Joel masterfully convinces their client and the man he called the n-word to meet and reconcile, making him a company star. But the second Nathan feels that Joel is no longer grateful for what he’s done for him, he gets angry. And when the most psychologically manipulative man in the world gets angry… watch out.
Since I gave notes on this script, I want to point out how much it’s improved from Howard’s initial draft. There’s so much more detail to this world, to the characters, to the tests, than were in the original screenplay. To the point where it feels like a completely different movie. And Nathan is a MUCH BETTER character. He was so simplistic and one-dimensional in that first draft. He feels way more fleshed-out here.
We screenwriters can get discouraged easily when we compare our early drafts to others’ final drafts. As long as your script is improving from draft to draft, that’s all that matters. You should only be worried when your drafts stop yielding improved results.
With that said, I’m still having some issues with the script and I’m not sure why. I suspect it’s because of a bunch of little things rather than one big thing. For example, I’ve always been hesitant about this PR job and this racist subplot. The problem when you introduce race is that you can’t help but have some of the script be about race. Which takes away from the central concept. And, in this case, the central concept has nothing to do with race. So I just think those two parts of the script don’t work together. Could we create a more relevant job for Joel?
Also, something isn’t quite clicking with Joel’s character, for me at least. I do not like that we meet our hero accidentally spilling coffee on his boss then running away and hiding like a 3rd grader. I understand we have to show that Joel needs help for him to need Nathan’s services but acting like a child is too far, in my opinion. I would rather meet him in a scenario where he’s challenged in some way. And he fails to meet the challenge.
I also don’t know what Joel’s primary flaw is. I don’t know why he needs the mentor. As currently constructed, he just seems to be in this general “rut.” He’s accidentally spilling coffee on his boss then running away. He doesn’t tell his work friend when he’s being a jerk. And he gets angry that his girlfriend is not doing more to fend off the art curator’s advances. Where is the common denominator?
I would prefer we lean into a more specific flaw. Specificity is your best friend when writing screenplays. It is preferable over generality 9999 times out 10,000. Especially in a script like this, whose entire purpose is built around “fixing” the protagonist. Another recent thriller, Nightcrawler, comes to mind. Louis Bloom’s flaw was his relentless ambition. It was super clear that that was his flaw because the writer kept reminding us over and over again. I think that’s something writers forget. They’re afraid of being “on the nose” about their hero’s flaw. But the hero’s flaw is so important in a script like this, therefore, as long as you’re exploring the flaw through ACTION as opposed to EXPOSITION DIALOGUE, you can hit it a lot more than you think.
As much as this script has improved, I still feel like there’s potential for it to be better. I’m wondering if just changing the PR job to something more organically connected to the concept would be enough. And for whatever reason, that opening coffee spill scene really put me off our protagonist. As you guys know, if your main character’s introduction fails, it could end the reader’s interest in that character for the rest of the script. I get the ick with that scene so maybe changing jobs allows us the opportunity for a new scene where we immediately like this character instead of dislike him.
I’m curious what the Scriptshadow Faithful thinks, especially those of you who voted for this logline. Did it deliver on what you hoped? Let’s try to help Howard take his script to the next level.
Script link: The Mentor
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Watch out for malapropisms, misused words or phrases that can make sentences feel “off.” For example, here we get “big honcho,” instead of “head honcho.” Or we get, “You always feel he’s got a great big microscope and he’s peeking into your brain,” whereas I think the more appropriate word is “peering” into your brain. If you have one of these in your script, it’s not a big deal. But readers start noticing if there’s more than that.
