Genre: Space thriller
Premise: A female astronaut must find a way to survive in space when her crew and space shuttle are destroyed.
About: Alfonso Cuaron wowed us with Children of Men, which many consider to be their favorite sci-fi movie of the decade. Inspired by the 3-D theatrics of James Cameron (both behind the camera and in front of the world), Cuaron and his team have decided to set their next flick in the three-dimensional universe. 3-D may be getting some flack but one of the things Cameron keeps harping on is true. Visionary filmmakers will push the 3-D medium forward and create interesting 3-D films. And who’s more visionary than Alfonso Freaking Cuaron? Blake Lively, Robert Downey Jr., and Scarlett Johansson have all been rumored to play parts in Gravity. This is what I’ll say about that. There’s no way Johansson and Lively are going to be in this movie (assuming they’re both up for the part of Ryan). Everything depends on the actress playing the part of Ryan, since the whole movie is her, and while both Johansson and Lively have had nice moments here and there in their films, neither has anything approaching what is needed to play this part. Not in a million years. This character needs someone with some serious acting chops.
Writers: Alfonso Cuaron & Jonas Cuaron & Rodrigo Garcia
Details: November 2nd, 2009 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Truth? This draft of Gravity – whichever draft it is – is pretty average. Despite that, I still think this is one of the microscopic sampling of subpar screenplays that can actually make a great film. Why? Well, I’ll save that surprise for later (and believe me, it’s a big surprise). For right now, let’s talk about what this story is about.

Ryan Stone is a young medical engineer who, it’s implied, never planned on becoming an astronaut. In fact, she had a job as a regular engineer down on earth as little as eight months ago. But now – right now – she’s up on the space shuttle, fixing one of the many “panels” that always seem to need fixing up in space. There are a few other astronauts drifting around at the time, the most important of whom is Matt Kowalski, as veteran an astronaut as Ryan is a newbie. He’s bummed out because this might be his last mission.

I got news for you Matt. Ain’t no “might be” here. It *is* your last mission.

That’s because the next most abundant thing in space besides panels are satellites, and the stupid Russians just blew up one of theirs. The aftermath creates a chain reaction of spraying debris that hits multiple satellites, which also end up exploding, and all of a sudden thousands of pieces of debris are heading straight towards the space shuttle.

Before the group can react, the debris destroys the shuttle and everyone on it except for Ryan and Matt. The two must then make their way down to the International Space Station – in their space suits only – before they run out of air and before this debris field destroys the space station as well. Along the way, poor Matt has to sacrifice himself to keep Ryan alive and the next thing you know, this girl who didn’t know the first thing about space eight months ago is drifting through it with no communication and next-to-no experience, desperately trying to find a way to survive this.

Everything that can go wrong does go wrong as the movie becomes a series of near death experiences. Ryan must jump from point to point – whether it be to a vessel, a station, or an oxygen tank – and survive long enough to make the journey to the next point after that (and so on). Each destination is accompanied by dangerous debris, dropping oxygen, and the strong chance that whatever she’s trying to get to might not be there. Think Apollo 13, but with the odds stacked 1 million times higher against you, if that’s possible.

Despite the heart-stopping non-stop pace of the script, it wasn’t a very good read. The problem is it’s so repetitive. Ryan bounces around from location to location, trying to get to that next “life boat,” as it were, so she can last a few more hours in order to jump to the following safety area. Ryan is always running out of air, dodging that damn debris, or unsuccessfully trying to communicate with Houston. While I know this is going to play out much more excitingly on screen, on paper it’s like watching Groundhog Day – without Bill Murray to make you laugh. The same thing happens over and over again. Regardless of how Cuaron addresses this on film, the goals and obstacles definitely need more variety.

My other huge beef is with Ryan. We don’t know this woman. AT ALL. All we’re told about her is that she had a job before this and has a daughter. She also has ZERO PERSONALITY, which doesn’t help. I’d venture to say that this is the least I’ve known about any main character in any script I’ve read this year. It’s that thin. I’m not sure why they chose to do this either. I mean obviously, the scenario is not conducive to character exploration. It’s one woman stuck out in space all alone trying to survive. But, you know, neither was Cast Away with Tom Hanks, yet we knew/learned a ton about that character (which was subsequently why we wanted him to get back). I think that script really benefited from it’s opening 15 minutes where it introduced us to Hanks in the real world. Gravity doesn’t have that and it clearly doesn’t want that. So it’ll be interesting to see how they’re going to solve this problem. If we don’t know or like this woman, then who the hell cares if she survives or not? I mean at least make her funny or something. This girl was invisible onscreen.

Now despite all that, this project has a big surprise revealed in the script. You wanna know what it is? Why I’m predicting awesomeness for the film? Well first, everything takes place in real-time. There isn’t a single time cut in the film. In fact, what I’m about to say is so shocking if it’s true, movie geeks might spontaneously combust when they hear it. So I need you to go find your spontaneous combustion prevention kit, put it on, and sit down. Now I have NO PROOF of this. It does not say it anywhere in the script. So this still just a GUESS. But two things have led me to this conclusion. First, we know Cuaron likes shooting long continuous shots. He did it numerous times in Children of Men. Combining that knowledge with the way this script is written, I think Cuaron plans to shoot Gravity in a single shot. Yes, I think this guy is going to give us a 3-D movie set in space filmed in one continuous shot.

Is that even possible?? Well, read the script. Even when we get pulled away from Ryan, it always seems like the camera is flying away and then coming back. If that’s true, this could seriously be one of the coolest fucking movies ever made.

edit: Yes, I know this isn’t actually going to be shot IN SPACE and that it’ll be (if I’m right) a single shot which will be partially generated via the help of special effects.

Now once I realized this, everything became a lot clearer. The reason some of this script drags and is repetitive is because Cuaron doesn’t have the luxury of cutting away. I mean just think about how difficult it is writing a screenplay when we DO get to cut out all of the boring parts. Here, he doesn’t get to cut out any, which forces him (and the rest of the writers) to come up with ways to speed through the more mundane aspects of the story. He tries to limit them as much as he can, but they inevitably creep in there.

Cool enough for you? I hope so. Not a great script by any means, but the surprise of a director attempting the holy grail of filmmaking (I know it’s been done before but never successfully imo) – the single shot film – makes this worth the read easily.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: You run into a lot of trouble when you err on the side of “mysterious” for your main character. The reason for this is there’s a real thin line between “mysterious” and “boring.” Since there’s so little information about Ryan here, she starts to disappear quicker than Marty’s picture in Back to The Future. I think it’s okay to withhold information to make your villain mysterious. I think it’s okay to withhold information to make one of your supporting characters mysterious. But I don’t think you should withhold too much information when it comes to your hero – especially in a case like this when they’re the only person onscreen. We have to know this person, have to love them on some level, if we’re going to root for them for two hours.

Genre: Horror
Premise: Three priests fly to Poland to investigate a girl who’s supposedly possessed by the devil.
About: I reviewed one of Chris Borrelli’s scripts, Wake, a month ago. This one, “The Vatican Tapes,” landed on last year’s Black List. Picked up by Lionsgate, the film will be directed by James Marsh, who, as many know, was the director of the critically acclaimed documentary, “Man on Wire.” Marsh has been dying to make a feature film since his previous effort, 2005’s “The King,” starring Gael Garcia Bernal. Hmm, might they change Father Matt’s race and cast Garcia Bernal in the role?
Writer: Christopher Borrelli (story by Chris Morgan)
Details: 79 pages – 6/23/09 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Over the years I’ve developed an inability to completely give myself over to a movie. The reason is obvious. I’m always breaking down films while I watch them. When the hook comes, when the act turns come, if the obstacles are big enough, if the dialogue works. What can I say? It’s the screenwriter in me. But one movie I give into every time, one that always makes me forget I’m watching a film, is The Exorcist. The Exorcist is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen and I don’t think anything else comes close.

I don’t know why this is. I’m not a huge horror fan. And the devil doesn’t scare me any more than a guy in a purple dinosaur suit does. Actually, the guy in the dinosaur suit scares me more. But dammit if whoever played that little girl didn’t make me believe something was possessing her. I think the moment for me was when she urinated on the floor. That just broke like a 100 year movie code or something so that as soon as it happened, I didn’t think I was watching a movie any more.

Now I didn’t go see The Last Exorcism but I heard it was great save for a majorly fucked up ending. The Vatican Tapes, like that film, takes a documentary approach to the material. I know I know. We’re sick of seeing these cheesy gimmicky “lost footage” flicks and I was definitely worried when I saw that. But here’s the thing about The Vatican Tapes. It’s good enough where it doesn’t need the documentary angle. In fact, twenty pages in and I had completely forgotten about it. They should just go ahead and shoot this as a real movie because it totally works as one.

There are three protagonists in The Vatican Tapes: Father Antonio, an older Italian by-the-books priest, Father Matt, a young American priest still learning the ropes, and Father Karl, a 20-something Polish priest who has joined the two as a translator.

The God group is heading to Poland to potentially perform an exorcism. Now these days, the Vatican likes to document any potential possession case, which is why Matt and Karl have their camcorders. While Father Matt is excited by the prospect of his first exorcism, Father Antonio is less than enthused. He’s encountered hundreds of these supposed “possessions” before and none of them has ever panned out. This is likely one big waste of time.

The three descend upon a tiny poor Polish house in a rural neighborhood. When they get there, the father, a 300 pound man named Leslaw, is passed out on the floor with a four year old child playing nearby. Father Antonio angrily wakes him up and asks where the possessed girl is. He’s horrified as he watches the man point to the floor.

The group lifts a trap door and heads down into a makeshift dirt basement where a dirty emaciated 16 year old girl has been chained to the wall. Horrified, Antonio immediately orders for them to unlock her. They bring the girl up to her room and start asking her questions. But she’s noticeably distant. Antonio concludes that this girl is very sick, but far from possessed.

That is until the girl slips out, goes back into the basement, and starts digging a hole in the ground. Not common practice for any 16 year olds I know. Soonafter she attacks Antonio and the others with the strength of five men and when they learn that the girl and her friend were recently playing around in the nearby catacombs, Antonio begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, this *is* a real possession.

They begin the exorcism but apparently exorcisms aren’t like Harry Potter spells. You don’t just say them and voila, out pops a bunny. It’s a constant process that involves continual “exorcising” of the subject and despite everything they’re doing, it doesn’t seem like she’s getting any better. Actually, she may be getting worse. The others start to wonder if they should just shoot her and get it over with. But Antonio insists that somewhere deep inside that body is an innocent 16 year old girl desperate for their help. He will stop at nothing to save that girl.

There was lots of good stuff here. I loved how they were stuck in a place where they didn’t know the language. The reason I don’t think the remake of “Let The Right One In” will work is because a lot of the power of the original comes from the characters speaking in a language you don’t understand. It almost makes their situation seem otherworldly, and that adds a layer of originality you can’t replicate. The girl here never says anything we understand, and that creeped me the hell out.

Likewise, being stuck a million miles away from familiarity adds an additional layer of fear. Like the famous tagline “In space, no one can hear you scream,” “In Poland, no one can hear you scream.” In fact, one of my favorite lines in the script comes when they realize that this girl is possessed. Father Matt is terrified and utters, “We’re going to need help, right?” Antonio looks back at him. “We are the help.” It’s that moment when people realize they’re in a situation that’s way over their heads, and yet *they’re* the best equipped people to handle it.

There’s also a handful of shocking moments here. Antonio has a secret that comes out of nowhere and really worked for me. There’s a scene involving the child that’s so horrifying some people won’t be able to read it. And I loved the whole subplot involving the catacombs (I actually thought he could’ve done a little more with it).

There weren’t any glaring issues to be honest. I guess Father Antonio and Father Karl each had such interesting storylines and backstories that Father Matt gets lost in the mix. He needed something extra so we remembered him. He definitely pops the least.

The biggest misstep for The Vatican Tapes lies in the ending. It’s another one of those chaos over clarity scenarios, which is a shame, because this was so tightly written and so well built up, we wanted some clarity. I’m still not sure exactly what happened so I can’t discuss it but, in short, I was mildly disappointed.

But in the end this was so quick and so enjoyable, I’m recommending it to you. So get your hands on a copy and enjoy.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Exorcism movies are great low-budget films for you to write and shoot yourselves. I mean you could shoot this movie for 20 grand if you had to. My only suggestion is your possessed victim not be a young women. The Vatican Tapes may be able to slide in there as the last one. But let’s face it, we’ve seen it so many times that you can’t execute the idea in an original way anymore. The good news is, this is a fairly untapped genre. You have a lot of storylines you could explore outside of “girl gets possessed.”

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A mild-mannered IT guy receives an ‘owners manual’ that tells him how to fix his life.
About: Made last year’s Black List with 5 votes. Very quietly the heavy-duty comedy producing team of Will Ferrell, Chris Henchy, and Adam McKay are attached. Might this be a future Will Ferrell vehicle?
Writer: Greg Ferkel
Details: 108 pages – undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

A possible candidate to play Owen?

I must admit I like these kinds of comedies – one step removed from reality, somewhat fantastical, an intriguing hook. Yet I also know that a lot of you hate them. And so I’ll just tell you right now, if you don’t like high concept comedies, there’s no use in continuing with this review. You’re going to hate Owen’s Manual with a passion. But if you like them, you’ll be happy to know that Owen’s Manual is a nice little entry into the genre.

So why do writers favor struggling average-looking heroes who’ve let themselves go, have no direction, and can’t get a girl to save their behinds? Because that character is the average screenwriter! I mean not all screenwriters of course, but a lot of them. And since those are the people writing your stories, you’re damn skippy they’re going to use those stories as wish-fulfillment. Translation: Seth Rogan and Michael Cera aren’t going anywhere!

To that end, Owen is no different. He’s a schlubby IT guy who works at a magazine called “Hip Parent,” where he’s perfected the art of getting stepped on. Owen gave up his life a long time ago to play the role of lewwwwwssserrrr.

Then one night, Owen catches an infomercial promoting one of those gyrating weight-loss belts. Figuring “what the hell,” he grabs the phone and orders one. A couple days later a UPS box shows up except there’s no gyrating inside. Just a manual. But this isn’t any ordinary manual. It’s a “how-to” guide for fixing Owen’s life. The table of contents reads like it’s been sitting on his shoulder for the last five years. “How to get your boss off your back” “How to get that girl at work,” “How to make sure nobody takes advantage of you anymore.”

Owen dismisses it as a practical joke, but when his boss calls to have Owen, once again, fix his laptop, Owen, out of curiosity, follows the instructions in the manual. The exchange reveals that the boss’s 10 year-old son has been surfing porn (hence why it’s had so many problems), which he happens to be fixing just as his wife walks by, which results in his wife believing he’s a porn addict, which results in the boss taking an extended leave of absence from work.

Freaked out, Owen calls the help number on the manual and gets in touch with the smooth-talking Rajeesh, a call tech for these life manuals. Owen asks him all the obvious questions and Rajeesh assures him that if he just follows the manual, all his problems will be solved.

Owen’s suspect at first but eventually starts following the manual religiously. He takes Cara out. He stops allowing others to step on him. He becomes nicer and more accepting of people. Sure enough, his troubles begin to dissolve away.

In the meantime, Owen gets a call from his old girlfriend, Hayden, who’s drop dead gorgeous and since their time together in college has won the Nobel Peace Prize. She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and because Owen knew her before the fame, she wants him to give the toast at her wedding. There’s a part of Owen who’s, of course, still in love with Hayden, which complicates his evolving relationship with Car.

The problem is that Owen starts getting too dependent on the manual, and when he realizes that the manual only solves problems up to the date of its publication, that means he’ll have to solve any new problems by himself. Because Owen’s become so dependent on the manual, he doesn’t know how to figure things out anymore. And we’re left to wonder if he’ll be able to figure it all out in time for the big wedding toast.

Owen’s Manual is both funny and clever, especially the first half of the script, which really moves. I love this concept because I think we all wish we had an owner’s manual to our lives. If the answers were written down in an instruction booklet that we kept on our ipods, everything would be a lot easier. So to watch that fantasy play out and the complications that arise from it was fun.

But this script is not without problems, starting with Cara (the hot girl at work). Cara is our female lead, and I never trusted her. We meet her as she takes advantage of Owen, slyly convincing him to write her article for her. I always say watch how you introduce your character because that first impression is what’s going to stick with the audience the strongest. If you have a character taking advantage of our hero in her very first scene, are we going to like that character?

The script also dips into dangerous territory by making its protagonist passive. A passive protagonist isn’t a death sentence, but when your hero isn’t dictating the action in the film, it’s usually a lot slower than when a protagonist *is* dictating the action. To the script’s credit, the reasoning for Owen’s passiveness is directly linked to the concept (he has to *follow* a manual), so it didn’t hurt the screenplay too much.

Probably the biggest misstep though was the Hayden storyline. Our hero’s being lured to this wedding for a character we haven’t met, don’t know and don’t care about. It never felt organic and as a result, we’re physically watching the strings being pulled as they’re being pulled. If you look at a very similar story, Office Space, and imagine Peter Gibbons getting a call from his fiancé in Hawaii and flying out there for the third act, it just feels all wrong. And that’s how it felt here.

I think the reason for this straying had something to do with the lack of a clear theme. I couldn’t figure out what the script was trying to say. Was it saying you need to make your own decisions? That you can’t depend on others? For awhile, yes. But then in the end, all of that is completely abandoned in order the hash out the complexities of the Hayden marriage storyline, leaving me with a big question mark on my face. Uh…okay? What was the whole point of that again?

Those types of things make this feel like an early draft, which it very well might be. But in spite of these issues, I enjoyed it enough to recommend it. If you’re a high-concept comedy guy like myself, you’ll want to check this out, for both the good and the bad.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes storylines weren’t meant to come together. If you’re flexing every single writing muscle you have to force two storylines together in a finale – if each word is dripping with sweat from the Herculean effort you’re making to somehow combine these two worlds, maybe it’s time to admit that those storylines can’t coexist. That’s the case here with Owen’s Manual. The Hayden stuff just never gels with the story, which is why the third act derails. Never be afraid to cut out that storyline that isn’t working.

This is going to be a good week at Scriptshadow. We don’t have a single script that receives less than a “worth the read.” One of those scripts is shockingly good exorcism story, one a comedy, and one a script that wasn’t very good but has an insane approach to it that, combined with the “universally loved by all geeks” director, is going to make it a must read. Finally, we’ll finish off with a new Top 25 script, a crime drama that blew me away. And I don’t even like crime drama, so you know it’s good. Right now Roger’s going to review a genre and a screenwriter he knows well. Let’s give him our full attention.

Genre: Old Fashioned Ghost Story, Gothic Horror
Premise: When Arthur Kipps, a young widower and solicitor, leaves his son in London to settle the legal affairs of the recently deceased Alice Drablow, proprietor of the Eel Marsh House in Crythin Gifford, he finds himself in a life and death struggle with a specter whom is killing all of the town’s children.
About: Based on a 1983 novel by English author, Susan Hill, “The Woman in Black” was adapted into a stage play (which still runs today in the UK), a couple of radio plays and a TV Movie for Britain’s ITV. Under the newly resurrected Hammer Film Productions, the script was written by Jane Goldman (Kick-Ass, Stardust, The Debt, X-Men: First Class) and is set to star post-Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe with James Watkins (Eden Lake) as director. Presumably this is the first script coming out of Goldman’s recent signing with William Morris Endeavor.
Writers: Jane Goldman, inspired by Susan Hill’s 1983 novel.
Details: 2^nd Draft. Dated August 3, 2010.

This is how it’s done.

Let’s forget the pedigree for a moment. Let’s forget this was a novel written by Susan Hill, a lady inspired by English ghost story masters M.R. James and Daphne du Maurier, a lady who understood setting, suspense and atmosphere. Let’s forget that said novel was creepily satisfying enough to be adapted into a stage play, a radio play and a TV movie in Britian. And, let’s forget that newly resurrected Hammer Horror returns to the cinemas swinging, not only with Let Me In and The Resident, but with this deliciously Gothic ghost story written by the foxy Jane Goldman (a former paranormal tv show host) and helmed by Eden Lake (have you seen this flick?!) director James Watkins.

Watch Scriptshadow on Sundays for book reviews by contributors Michael Stark and Matt Bird. We try to find books that haven’t been purchased or developed yet that producers might be interested in. We won’t be able to get one up every Sunday, but hopefully most Sundays. Here’s Michael Stark with his review of “King of The Sunset Strip.”

Genre: True Crime / Memoir
About: Young Hollywood actor leaves the Mickey Mouse Club for Mickey Cohen’s gang. Think Public Enemies meets What Makes Sammy Run with a dab of The Freshman thrown in.
Writer: Steve Stevens (who has constantly worked in Hollywood for over 50 years) and journalist, Craig Lockwood
Staus: According to the book, Steve’s son, Mark, had written a screenplay, but I can’t find the development stats anywhere. Trust me, this one would make a great flick.

“Someone’s gonna die cause some broad is banging a bullfighter? It ain’t gonna be me.” — Mickey Cohen on both Sinatra’s and Bugsy Siegal’s women troubles.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there!!! Welcome to another sporadic Scriptshadow Sunday Book Review, where we brave paper cuts and funky, old paperback stench to bring you the books we wanna see turned into movies. It’s our way of helping our nation’s starving writers, the dying logging industry and all those underdeveloped development gals.

With my own bookshelves bare and not enough scratch for a coffee to beard my word thieving ways at Barnes and Noble, the search for my next column brought me back to a place I vowed never to return to — the damn library. I asked the bookish blonde behind the counter what was good. She dutifully told me to go take a hike in the biography section…

…Where I got jumped by the stunning, Saul Bass reds and blacks of this little honey’s spine. Hypnotized, I read the blurbs and knew I had found the one! King of the Sunset Strip instantly intrigued me cause it’s about two of my favorite subjects: Old Hollywood and true crime noir.

It’s the late 50s in the city of angels, mere moments before the Raging Bulls and Easy Riders would seize power. The mighty studio system still ran the town and it was all so deceptively glamorous and magical like Cuba before Batista fell.

19-year-old, Steve Stevens, a graduate of the Hollywood Professional School and the Mickey Mouse Club, is getting a little too long in the Ultra-Brite-white tooth for the kid roles he’s been playing. He knows damn well that not every child star makes the transition to the adult’s table. For every Mickey Rooney and Elizabeth Taylor, there’s the cautionary tale of a Bobby Driscoll (Treasure Island and the voice of Peter Pan) who ended up dead at 31, just another junkie on skid row.

(Actually, Driscoll’s story would make a great movie too if Disney would allow the slight besmirch of their hallowed name.)

Waiting around his pad for his agent to call (No 4G or answering machines back then), Stevens was way closer to going broke then breaking in. But, then, a mysterious piece of fan mail arrives under the slot that will change the spin of his axis forever. An admirer named Mr. Michael invites him to his ice cream shop, saying “You play tuff guys real good.”

That Mr. Michael, for those gangland challenged, turned out to be the colorful, celebrity criminal, Mickey Cohen, the East Coast, Jewish mob boss who was sent out West to keep an eye on Bugsy Siegal. Ax ex-boxer and Chicago enforcer, Cohen pretty much organized all of the organized crime in the great state of California.

Cohen, a skilled blackmailer, had so much dirt on the denizen of Tinseltown, that the media had to protect themselves, painting him as a modern day Robin Hood. Newspaper magnate, William Randolph Hearst, was a close friend. Or perhaps Cohen knew who Rosebud was? Even the FBI stayed away – supposedly the mob had the cross-dressing goods on J. Edgar too.

He was a bulletproof survivor, who lived through gang wars, feuds, assorted attempted hits and all forms of federal prosecution. The man was definitely charismatic but also totally ruthless.

Does it seem a little contrived that a notorious mobster would send a young actor a fan letter? Well, put that in the truth is stranger than fiction department, cause it happened. When adapting the screenplay, this may have to be finessed a bit. Stevens played a lot of juvenile delinquent roles and Cohen must have seen a little bit of his younger, scrappy self in those portrayals. Childless, perhaps he was looking for someone to groom.

Stevens starts hanging with the mobster and the mentoring begins. A natural charmer, the kid soon wins over Mickey’s gang of tough thugs with his heartthrob smile and autographed pictures of Annette Funicello.

Against the warnings of his friends, Stevens is soon a junior member of their little crime family. The flash, the cash and the hot women were just too enticing. Now, Stevens wasn’t exactly an innocent. He had an ulterior motive too. Cohen knew everyone from the Rat Pack to studio chieftains to then Senator Richard Nixon. Being seen with the smooth criminal might just kick-start his career – if he doesn’t get kicked in the head first.

With all the sexy star treatment came some real, fucking serious danger too. Cohen was Public Enemy Number One for good reason. His hair trigger temper was infamous.

Not only did he have the cops in his pocket, but most of L.A.’s best maitre d’s as well. At the exclusive Villa Capri, while Stevens is starstruck by his fellow diners, Cohen overhears a rude comment, extracts a champagne bottle from the bucket and proceeds to wail on the loose-lipped fella with it. After the lug is knocked unconscious and dragged outside, Cohen nonchalantly returns the bottle to the shocked patrons, sits down and puts the napkin around his neck.

The gentleman mobster was sometimes something of a sociopath.

My favorite scene is when Stevens accompanies Mickey and his goons to a comedy club and the brave (or perhaps suicidal) Don Rickles unleashes his trademarked “Mr. Warmth” tirade on the gangster. The kid and the gunmen are shocked silent, waiting for a reaction from their boss. Is he gonna a grab a baseball bat and show the disrespectful comedian just how it’s done in Brooklyn? Finally, after what seems like an eternity of deliberating, Cohen doubles over in laughter. The usual mercurial mobster can take a joke tonight. It’s one of the many moments that will kill on the screen.

When Steven’s parents get into a little scrape with some hooligans in the apartment upstairs, he calls in his first favor from his “Uncle Mickey”. Goons are quickly dispatched to take care of business. It’s another good, comic scene, cause we only hear the ruckus of broken furniture and ass stomping from his parent’s living room below.

Now, favors in the mob have to one day be returned. Stevens is soon dragged into some rather unsavory and increasingly dangerous errands for his uncle.

When he botches one of them up, Cohen explodes. To make sure it doesn’t happen again, he uses a little negative reinforcement, unmercifully kicking the living shitlights out of the kid. Good thing there weren’t any auditions that week.

In a parallel plotline, Stevens lands a juicy role in the B-movie, High School Caesar, as a sycophant patsy to the vicious JD running the school – a part he’s been basically preparing for the past two years. Shooting on location in a small Missouri town, he thinks he’s finally escaped from Cohen’s grasp till two goons from Kansas City come down to watch over him and show him a good time.

Returning home, the errands Mickey has him running get more and more dangerous, one landing him a savage beatdown from the LAPD. Another has him witnessing a near gangland slaying of a skimming nightclub owner.

With friends avoiding him and his acting career faltering, Stevens realizes that hitching his star to Cohen’s wagon might not have been the brightest idea. Hey, did you do anything stupid when you were 19? With more hit attempts on the gangster’s life and the FBI closing in, the kid may not even get out of there alive.

King of the Sunset Strip is a quick zip gun of a read, but it ain’t James Elroy. It’s more the chatty memoir of a very talented schmoozer. Thus, If it’s gonna get made into a movie, I suggest taking a few liberties and have it merely “based on a true story.” Also, we need to focus more on the famous gangster. After doing some research, I’m shocked that Hollywood has never made a movie solely about Mickey Cohen before. Both Bugsy and L.A. Confidential feature him in smaller roles.

As the book is told through Steven’s POV, we need to have more scenes cementing Cohen’s reputation – His scandalous Hollywood shakedowns, his escalating war with Jack Dragna, the Senate Select Committee on organized Crime and, of course, his involvement with Johnny Stompanato.

Stompanato was Cohen’s bodyguard and something of a legendary chick magnet. The sex tape Cohen recorded of Stomp and Lana Turner made the mobster a load of dough. He pressed copies of the starlet’s ecstatic squeals and sold them at fifty bucks a pop. When Turner’s daughter murdered Stompanato, the ruthless businessman pressed up a few thousand more. I have yet to see one of these platters turn up on Ebay.

There’s plenty of material to flesh this film out, including Cohen’s own autobiography and Brad Lewis’ Hollywood’s Celebrity Gangster. As biopics need clear arcs to keep them from meandering, Mickey’s friendship with the Mouseketeer is the perfect frame, keeping the crux of the tale in this two or three year period.

While clearly the comedic elements make it reminiscent of the charming Brando & Broderick team-up, The Freshman, (Man, why isn’t the great Andrew Bergman making movies anymore???) it could also aim towards a more sweeping crime epic like L.A. Confidential.

Either way, I’d love Brian DePalma to take a crack at it. He can atone for The Black Dahlia and prove he can make yet another Untouchables. Step up to the plate, sir. Step right up!

For Discussion: What Biopics would you like to see? And, please tell my fucking tightwad editor to give me a damn book allowance. GA rural libraries aren’t the finest funded these days.

Stark’s further rants and ramblings can be followed in his blog: www.michaelbstark.blogspot.com