Search Results for: F word


Wanted to give a congratulations to everyone associated with Buried, the risk-taking trapped-in-a-coffin project that had a big night this weekend, becoming the first film sold at Sundance, when Lionsgate picked it up (for between 3-4 million). I always saw this as something that could light up the independent circuit, but the strong word of mouth from the festival as well as the Lionsgate pick-up means this project could have much more ambitious goals. Check out some of the reviews from Aint-It-Cool , Firstshowing, Variety, as well as Slash-Film. You can also go back and read my original review of the script back in June, as well as my interview with its writer, Chris Sparling. To this day it remains the second most downloaded script from the site (the first is Source Code) and I truly believe you guys helped build the pre-buzz that made sure a lot of eyes were on the film when it debuted this weekend. I’m telling you, this is the new way to get buzz for your film. Get your script out there. :)

BIG MONEY WEEK (SCRIPT 2)

Genre: Thriller
Premise: By using the ten biblical plagues, a paramilitary group plans to attack ten major cities in the U.S.
About: Sold in 1996. 850 thousand against 1.5 million. Adjusted for inflation – 1.16 million against 2 million. Rosenberg is the writer of High Fidelity and Con Air.
Writer: Scott Rosenberg
Details: 120 pages (1996 spec sale draft)


This is a funny script. I don’t know if it’s necessarily funny on purpose, but it definitely made me laugh. Why? Well, it’s just so unabashedly NINETIES. I half-expected Eddie Vedder and/or the Counting Crows to jump out and start crooning about O.J. Simpson. There’s flannel on these pages. Keanu Reeves lives in these pages. But most of all, this script embodies the overly-ambitious throw everything and the kitchen sink on the page mentality of spec scripts at the time. It was kind of like the spec world’s sub-prime mortgage. Every writer was so reckless, trying to sell their script without regard for cost or value, that when Hollywood realized they couldn’t make these movies, the spec boom imploded. I mean, I’m no producer, but in my estimation, this script had to have been budgeted at at least 250 million. BACK IN 1996!

Rosenberg himself is an interesting writer. He wrote one of my favorite movies, Beautiful Girls, which captured what it’s like coming back home as a grown-up about as well as any movie I’ve ever seen. Then over a decade later he writes the exact same movie but for TV (October Road), and it’s about the worst representation of what it’s like to come home as a grown-up (the comedic sidekick actually refuses to leave his house because he’s traumatized by 9-11, like, ever).

But Rosenberg’s written some pretty cool flicks, like the incredibly cheesy but guilty pleasure that is Con Air. And of course he wrote everybody’s favorite record store movie, High Fidelity (although there’s some debate on whether he deserved that credit). I think, like a lot of writers out there, Rosenberg can either be so good you wonder how he could ever be bad, or so bad you wonder how he could’ve been so good.

Which brings us to The Ten, the kind of script that’s so unabashedly crafted to sell and NOTHING else, that it actually kills a writer every time you read it. Basically, what Rosenberg did was take two of the biggest movies from the 90s – Speed and Seven – and mashed them together. We get the way over the top villain from Speed (making him ten times more way over the top here), as well as Speed’s manic tone and energy, mixed with Seven’s mystery-driven structure of unique biblical-related deaths (albeit this time on a mass scale). Rosenberg even adds a little Lethal Weapon to boot, as we get the over-the-top (over-the-top is a BIG part of The Ten) wise-cracking partners who would rather be anywhere but with each other. I don’t know if it’s all shameless or genius. But damn if he didn’t sell the thing.

The not as well known as it should be “Beautiful Girls.”

Kyle Klesko is an FBI agent with a beautiful wife and son. He seems to have it all, though work plays a little more of a role in his life than family and his wife isn’t happy about it and—

BOOM! A plane blows up!!!

Don’t worry. Klesko wasn’t on it. But the plane’s parts come raining down on a farm. We get to see the smoldering passengers cry out for help as their burning bodies are melted into the plastic of their seats. Sweet! Soonafter, the FBI is sent a video message from a man named – no I’m not making this up – Williamton Economides. Williamton Economides is easily, by far, without question, the single most annoying over-the-top villain ever. He starts all his video demands by singing some bizarre song wistfully off-screen, then turning to the camera with a, “Oh, you started already,” face, and then giving his demands in a sing-songy half-rhyming nonsensical rant, before cutting out. If ever there was a model for “went too far,” Williamton Economides would be it.

Economides (I can’t even believe I’m writing that name) is the leader of a terrorist group called the People’s Platoon. Naturally, the FBI gets all pissed off that Economides and his Platoon Pals blew up a plane, so they go searching for his cult off in the desert, find about 30 of them blindly reciting his teachings, and throw them in the Federal version of the nuthouse. This angers the coo-coo for coco puffs Economides, so he naturally demands that they be released or else. Or else what? Or else he will attack every major city in the U.S!

True to his rhythmically annoying words, a few days later Washington DC turns into a bath tub of BLOOD! A lot of it! Oh no no no. I don’t mean like people start getting massacred. I mean blood appears everywhere. In its lakes, its showers, its water fountains. So much blood! Blood bath-o-rama. More blood than Carrie. Did I mention there was lots of blood? Then two hours later the blood disappears without a trace. Sneaky blood. Special blood that doesn’t stain. In a magically delicious surprise, nobody gets hurt.

Hmm, say our FBI agents. That’s strange. But not strange enough to do anything about it.

Bad move. A few days later Miami is hit. By frogs! Lots of frogs! This overabundance of frogs is more lethal than the laymen might assume as 22 people are massacred by the wild ribbit-fueled hopping. But just like the D.C. fiasco, the frogs disappear within a few hours. The FBI now decides this is serious (note: frogs = serious) and demand that Klesko enlist the help of a man named Eddie Gerrick. We can tell by Klesko’s reaction that this is not a good thing. Apparently there’s some deep history between the two. But Garrick is a specialist when it comes to Economides, and if they’re going to take him down, Garrick will be required.

Cusack and Black in High Fidelity

So Klesko shoots off and finds Garrick on the floor of some bar, shitfaced beyond your worst Vegas nightmare. Garrick is not happy to see Klesko, muttering something about how he’s a life-ruiner. There’s some backstory to this relationship but there’s no time to rehash it because Boston is experiencing a vermin meltdown. Cockroaches and rats are taking over the city. The cockroaches and rats are even better trained (or are learning from the blood and the frogs’ mistakes) as this time 54 people are erased from existence.

Garrick lets Klesko in on the fact that Economides is obviously summoning The Ten Plauges of Egypt. The Ten Plagues of What?? Well, apparently, back in the day, God punished the Pharoa for refusing Moses’ demands that all the Israliates be set free. Ah, now I see the connection. Economides is angry that *his* people aren’t being set free, so now he’s punishing the FBI!!!

That sound you hear is me sighing for two days straight.

Klesko and Garrick spend the rest of the script arguing and flying from city to city as the Ten Plagues unfold upon the country. I’m not going to pretend like there aren’t some fun sequences here (L.A. run amok with lions, tigers, cheetahs, pumas, and bears making meals out of any humans in sight), but if I could boil it down to one word…it’s just all so *silly*.

There’s no threat here. It all plays out like a giant live-action cartoon. The story doesn’t even make sense when you add it up. The FBI is holding Economides’ cult, who are obviously harmless. The only threat they pose to the public is annoying them to death. Yet for ¾ of the movie, the FBI refuses to release these 30 nimwits, preferring instead to allow Economides to conjure up biblical terrorism at the expense of the United States’ safety.

The conflict between Klesko and Garrick is likewise over-the-top. Garrick doesn’t just dislike Klesko. He HATES him with a burning passion. So all of their investigation is overshadowed by this ridiculous back and forth banter. I guess you’re wondering why they hate each other so much. **Half-hearted spoiler alert** Klesko stole Garrick’s girlfriend and married her. Garrick then went into Mickey Rourke mode. Unfortunately for Garrick, he didn’t have Darren Aronofsky to save him.

I’d continue on here, but then I’d be telling you things like Economides ups his demands, which include a grant for his own piece of land so he can start a new country, a 50 million dollar check, and a supermodel. That’s not me being sarcastic. That really happens.

I mean, here’s the thing. The 90s were the decade of the fun no-holds-barred over-the-top action film. We got Con Air, The Rock, and Face-Off, for God’s sake. So I mean, if we stay within that context, The Ten makes sense. But there’s a point where you’ve jumped the shark. And I can’t help but feel like this script was written over a shark tank, so that it could be suspended in one continuous jump.

If you like big and silly action movies light on logic, you might enjoy this. It’s also a script that fits perfectly inside the 90s time capsule. But for pure enjoyment, I’m afraid to say it doesn’t work.

Script link: The Ten (This script is meant for educational purposes only. If you are the writer or copyright holder of this script and would like it taken down, please e-mail me at Carsonreeves1@gmail.com and I will do so immediately)

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: How dangerous influence can be. Remember the 90s when everyone was writing Speed and Seven specs? It was either super cheesy over the top action or gritty religious serial killer procedural. And not a single one of them was ever better than those two. That’s my big problem with being influenced by popular movies. That no matter what you do, you will never ever make a version of that movie that’s better than that movie. So why even try? Why not create something original that can stand on its own that everybody ELSE tries to copy? I want you to remember that when you’re sitting down to write your version of Avatar or Inglorious Basterds. Even if you do a bang-up job, it’ll still be seen as, “A not as good version of Avatar or Inglorious Basterds.” Is that really how you want your script to be remembered? If you’re going to be influenced by something, try to make that influence subtle. Write something that has shades of that film, but isn’t built from a template of it.

Now that may be why the *movie* never got made. But I can’t ignore the fact that the script DID get bought. For 850,000 dollars no less. So how good is that advice I just gave you? Hmm, good question. I think in this day and age, it’s good advice. But back then, it might not have been. The 90s spec market was like the 90s stock market. Drop 50 grand in a stock and 5 years later you’re buying a condo in San Francisco. So I definitely think spec-happy Hollywood played a part in this. Also, Rosenberg was a hot writer at the time. He had some major indie cred with his two recent films, Beautiful Girls and Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead. And so it made sense that his spec would have a lot of eyes on it. Finally, and probably most importantly, the script could be pitched as Speed meets Seven, less than two years after both of those movies were mega-hits. Now an interesting side note to that is, Speed and Seven weren’t just hits. They were both out-of-left-field hits. Nobody expected them to do as well as they did. I think this gave The Ten a hidden advantage in that it didn’t have to be as good as a normal spec since the implication was that Hollywood people didn’t understand why these types of scripts did well. In other words, if those two movies undeservedly became monster hits, why couldn’t this one? Anyway, if you put all those things together, you have the ingredients for a monster spec sale.

BIG MONEY WEEK (SCRIPT 1)

Here’s Roger with the first review of Big Money Week! To say he gets things started is an understatement. I’m going to have to read this thing!

Genre: Historical Adventure
Premise: The reclusive “Father of Modern Magic”, Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin, is called upon by the French government to debunk an Algerian sorcerer who is using his feats of magic to spearhead a civil war.
About: Penned back in ’94, this script was part of a fierce bidding war that involved Disney, Tri-Star and Steven Spielberg (people really really wanted this script). Andy Vajna’s Cinergi Pictures bought the script for $1 million dollars (1.45 million adjusted for inflation). Not only was Disney able to land Frank Marshall as director, but Sean Connery was attached to the lead role. Unfortunately, Sean Connery demanded rewrite after rewrite until Frank Marshall was pulled off the project by Paramount’s Sherry Lansing because he was under contract to direct
Congo (why Lord, why?). Kevin Brodie (A Dog of Flanders) was attached to direct and the project lingered in development hell until January 2000, when Catherine Zeta-Jones’ production company, Zeta Films, acquired the rights to the script. Naturally, Michael Douglas was attached to the lead role, with Catherine starring opposite him as Robert-Houdin’s wife.
Writers: Lee and Janet Scott Batchler. The husband-and-wife team who worked on
Batman Forever. Other projects include My Name is Modesty and Pompeii, an epic drama telling the famous story of the destruction of that city. They also wrote a project for Paramount called Alpha, a fast-paced adventure about a team of military working dogs and their trainers. Here we have “Smoke and Mirrors”, an Original Screenplay by Lee Batchler and Janet Scott Batchler.

Original? Why yes, indeed. As Charlie Murphy might say, you can’t make this shit up. It is based on trufax, after all.
Is this that script about Houdini?
Naw, man. This is that script about Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin. He’s the guy that Houdini wanted to be.
Not only was Robert-Houdin a conjurer and illusionist, he was an inventor and a man of science as well. Some will argue that a greater magician has never lived since.
I mean, Ehrich Weiss wanted to be like this man so bad he changed his name to Harry Houdini.
Interesting. But what’s so great about a Magic Man biopic?
Dude, did you know that, in 1856, Napoleon asked Robert-Houdin to duel a fucking sorcerer in French Algeria to prove to the murderous Marabout Tribe that French magic was superior to their primitive tribal magic, and as a result, quell a bloody uprising?
This is no boring biopic. This is the type of real-life stuff Susanna Clarke must have turned to for research and inspiration during the ten years she spent writing Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell.
This is a great story.
And it’s told so well it makes me want to set myself on fire. Concerning this script, I have no criticism.
What I do have is gushing enthusiasm and a hope to write a review that’s a curious examination of how to flawlessly tell a story. You want an example of a truly great screenplay? “Smoke and Mirrors” is your grail. “Smoke and Mirrors” is the high watermark all us screenwriters aim for. Forget dollar signs. As a screenwriter, I’d rather take a great story to tell, a mastery of the craft, and some of that special magic, that lightning in a bottle we call perfect execution, any day of the week.
To me, “Smoke and Mirrors” is flawless storytelling.
The Pledge.
When we first meet Zoras Al Khatim he’s walking out of a bonfire like a fucking demon. And that might not be too far off the mark, as this guy riles up the Kabyle Nation with true totalitarian butcher rhetoric, “The white-skinned devils who occupy our land will die!” And because he can control the dark forces, the people believe he is a prophet, a messenger and voice of Allah.
This is problematic for the French Army who are trying to maintain order in these pacified regions. There’s so much goddamned bloodshed the area is closed off to colonization by Europeans. It’s, as they say, SRS BZNS.
But what if a civilized and genteel man could in fact prove to these tribespeople and natives that this “magic” was just old-fashioned slight-of-hand trickery? And as an audience, what if we were to find out that this “faux magic” was actually bon-a-fide?
They’re good questions, and we discover the answer to both of them when Robert-Houdin enters the Algiers arena with this Marabout sorcerer.
But first we must set-up the rest of our players on this epic stage. After we meet our mysterious villain, we are introduced to a young expatriate American, an officer of the French Foreign Legion, Captain Trey Darcy.
It’s an electric sequence. Most massacres usually are. It evokes one of my favorite sequences from Michael Mann’s The Last of the Mohicans, when Hawkeye saves Cora and Alice from the Hurons during the chaos of an ambush.
Here, Darcy and his Corporal, a bull of a Spaniard named Augustino Bartolote, lead 15 other Legionnaires in battle against a hundred Kabyle Warriors who are slaughtering a caravan of French civilians. Somehow, probably due to their suicidal fighting prowess, Darcy and his men chase off the superior numbers of the Kabyle savages.
But they’re not unfazed. Looking around at the extent of the massacre, at the bodies of mothers and children, Bartolote (a man who joined the French Foreign Legion to escape the gallows for murdering a priest), sickeningly exclaims, “Holy Mary, Mother of Jesus.”
Cut to France as Colonel Jules Gastinot, a French Army functionary, arrives at Robert-Houdin’s brooding and cryptic 17th century estate. It is here that Gastinot discovers many marvels. A brass plate with a grotesque demon head knocker engraved with the word Frappez that switches to Entrez when the knocker is rapped. The JJ Merlin-esque automatons and steampunk toys in Robert-Houdin’s workshop.
The most stunning marvel of all though is Robert-Houdin’s fiercely intelligent and radiant wife, Colette. Colette is probably the most vividly portrayed female character I’ve seen in a script since I started contributing to ScriptShadow. Granted, I tend to read a lot of “guy scripts”, but I challenge you guys to find an adventure script with a female character who is rendered as well as Colette.
She’s witty, charming, sexy and strong. A great role for a great actress. She’s not just a 19th Century Trophy Wife either, she is her husband’s teammate and partner, who has perhaps sacrificed some of her own potential in order play this part. Her loyalty to Robert-Houdin is ultimately put to the test when she falls in love with Trey Darcy.
I’m not usually a fan of love triangles because of the Soap Opera Factor, but here, it feels honest. Truthful. It’s Passion vs. Duty/Enduring Love. I’m guessing that this love triangle is written so well because this script is written by a husband and wife team. Not only that, but the Batchlers are real writers.
When Gastinot is finally allowed to enter Robert-Houdin’s workshop, there is a voice moving throughout the room. But no matter where Gastinot looks, there’s no sign of the man. Where is Robert-Houdin? How is he going to make his grand entrance?
In perfect magical-realist fashion, Robert-Houdin walks out of a mirror. And it’s little “big” choices like this that make every scene seem like an expertly performed magic trick. Every scene unfolds, layers peel away, and revelations, reversals and twists wait underneath to surprise you.
Sure, there’s a denial of the call at first. Robert-Houdin is no longer a showman, but a scientist. He’s dedicated his gift of invention to science and he will not be a pawn for political propaganda. But Gastinot is barely out the door when the magician finally answers the call to adventure.
In Algiers, Robert-Houdin makes a new enemy. The first matter of business, besides taking in some of the local flavor that comes with inspecting the opera house (where his show is to be held) and checking into the Hotel D’Orient, is to get a nice stiff drink.
And to expose a French Officer as a cheat in front of a packed Gentleman’s Club during a game of poker with the style and aplomb only a world famous illusionist can muster. When Major Guillaume accuses Robert-Houdin of insulting his honor, our man replies, “Since there is no honor in cheating at cards, I have not disparaged yours in any way.” In a bait and switch that astonishes his audience, Robert-Houdin switches his cards with Guillaume’s (in plain sight) to defeat the cheater and win a high-stakes pot.
Again, another great scene where Robert-Houdin (and the writers), flip the scene on its head to surprise our expectations and to delight our story senses.
Major Guillaume is not one to be embarrassed in public, and he catches Robert-Houdin in an alley and, with the help of his cronies, beats the shit out of him. As he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, Trey Darcy arrives to simultaneously physically maim and disfigure every French soldier while saving the magician from certain death.
The Turn.
Robert-Houdin and the Legionnaire bond over drinks, and Colette is both grateful and drawn to the man who saved her husband. Maximum Drama achieved when Darcy and Colette dance a waltz, and we learn that the soldier of fortune has a wooden prosthetic hand. He lost his real hand whilst fighting in the Crimea.
They flirt and Colette can’t help but be drawn to the mysterious expatriate. You know, it’s the whole romantic mystery that comes with the Legionnaire package.
When we find out that Guillaume is still alive, Darcy is whipped and thrown into a hotbox by the French Army, presumably left to shrivel and die in the suffocating coffin that sits underneath the Algerian sun.
Meanwhile, events turn weird for Robert-Houdin and Colette when they discover their scorched hotel room. Miraculously their valuables have been left intact despite the impact of the damage. “Fire is the most dangerous and unpredictable of the elements. Whoever did this wanted to show me can control the uncontrollable.”
Robert-Houdin finds out Darcy is being tortured, and he appeals to the top French authority, the Marshal-General, to free his friend. His Excellency denies and a wager is made by Robert-Houdin to up-the-stakes, “If my performance produces no good political results, you can send me packing on the next ship. Vilify me in the newspapers, gloat all you want. But if I succeed, you give me your word of honor to release Captain Darcy immediately.”
His Excellency accepts.
Not only does Robert-Houdin win the wager, he terrifies the Marabouts in the audience by manipulating the trajectory of bullets and teleporting a Moorish Chieftain. His feats free Darcy and catch the attention of Bou-Allem, the single most powerful Arab in the North. Robert-Houdin and Colette are off to Bou-Allem’s palace, escorted and protected by Darcy, Bartolote, and the Legionnaires.
The Midpoint.
Like the prophet Elijah battling the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of Asherah at Mount Carmel, Robert-Houdin duels Zoras Al Khatim and his disciples in front Bou-Allem and the entire royal household. Bou-Allem warns us, “If you do not prevail, and should Zoras persuade me you are indeed the enemy of Allah, it will be my duty to kill you. Please do not take it personally.”
The following magic show that pits the world of science against the world of the occult is some of the best scriptwriting I’ve ever seen. Zoras again walks out of a bonfire, revealing to the Bou-Allem and the audience that he can speak a European language, claiming that Allah just granted him the power. “Would it not be a fair test to now ask your Christian god to reveal to you the Berber language in a similar manner? This way we shall know whose god is the more powerful.”
Houdini (not Houdin)
When Zoras performs some death-defying feats (walking through fire, surviving the bites of poisonous scorpions, grotesque swordplay) and grisly self-mutilation, Colette is disturbed.
“What is he?”
But her husband is not so impressed. He methodically reveals all the secrets of Zoras’ “magic” to Bou-Allem. And that’s the worst possible fate for a magician, having all their tricks laid bare in front of the public eye. When science takes away the glamour and the curtain, what was once magical now seems dull and trite in comparison. Then to punctuate his point, he levitates Colette into the air, scaring Zoras’ disciples.
Angry, yet not to be deterred, Zoras challenges Robert-Houdin to a real duel. Zoras’ pulls out a set of pistols and says, “Let me shoot at you now with one of these pistols. If you do not die, then I give you permission to shoot at me. (to Bou-Allem) By this you will know whom Allah will favor.”
Robert-Houdin accepts.
“However, for such strong magic, defying the very hand of death itself, I require six hours of prayers.”
Robert-Houdin now has six hours to invent a way to survive a bullet.
Colette is not too pleased and retreats to her room, where Darcy saves her from the cobra and asps someone has planted in her room. It’s a hot and heavy moment where the writers milk the attraction these characters have for each other for Maximum Titillation. Things don’t get more sensual than a heroine belly-dancing her way out of a cobra attack so her forbidden suitor can decapitate it with a sword.
We’re shown Robert-Houdin at the end of his wits, mere hours away from his probable death, at a complete loss of how he’s going to pull off this final escape trick. It’s a cliffhanger moment and it creates the sense of suspense that saturates the scene portraying the actual gun-duel.
In the palace courtyard, while Zoras carves a mark onto each of the bullets so the Frenchman can show them to the audience, the sorcerer calls Robert-Houdin an infidel and proclaims, “You will soon burn in the deepest pits of hell.”
The guns are openly loaded in front of the audience.
I don’t know how Robert-Houdin does it, but he survives the gunshot. The writers don’t reveal the trick to us, because, if they did, it would have taken away all the suspense they meticulously set up. I’m not sure, but I think he used slight-of-hand to switch the bullets and electromagnetism to manipulate the pistol.
Robert-Houdin catches the bullet in his teeth, shocking the crowd, his wife, and Darcy. He then picks up the other gun and follows Zoras around the courtyard. Zoras cowers before the Frenchman.
“Is French magic greater than Kabyle magic?”
“Y-you are greater. Your magic is true.”
Robert-Houdin spares the sorcerer’s life, which is a mistake, because pretty soon, we’re going to be in the midst of an epic battle between Legionnaires and a couple hundred Kabyle warriors.
The Prestige.
The spectacular finale takes place at The Fortress of the Assassins, an ancient Hashshashin (where we get our word ‘assassin’) stronghold that’s part medieval castle and Persian monastery. Zoras gathers his troops to slaughter Robert-Houdin and this is where the Legionnaires make their last stand.
I couldn’t think of a better setting.
To complicate things, the fortress is full of traps, which Robert-Houdin deconstructs so the Legionnaires can use them to their advantage. Once again, our magician must use his resourcefulness like he’s some kind of super MacGuyver to invent devices and devise strategies, all so he can defeat the superior numbers of Zoras and his army.
There are battles in the 3rd Act that read like some of the best sequences out of another favorite historical adventure script of mine, Walon Green’s Crusade. Or think of the best swashbuckling stuff out of Pirates of the Caribbean and the rollicking action set-pieces in Frank Darabont’s great Indiana Jones & The City of the Gods script and you get the idea.
Since the writers hadn’t made any mistakes up to this point, I felt if they were going to make a miscalculation, it was going to have to be somewhere in the endgame.
But you know what?
They don’t.
Instead, you’re invested in every character’s fate and I’m happy to say that the riveting resolution unfolds dramatically and the effect is nothing short of cathartic. Heady, even. The most delicate and fragile thread, Colette and Darcy’s story, is treated with so much honesty and honor you can’t help but accept its conclusion.
“Smoke and Mirrors” is truly the work of master craftsmen.
This is the type of script I aspire to write someday. It gives me hope, it makes me believe, and it gives me a new hero in Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin.
If I could take a ride in the TARDIS, I would go back in time, hand this script to David Lean, and wait for cinematic magic to happen.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[x] genius

What I learned: This script is suspenseful as hell. But why was it so suspenseful? Every time Robert-Houdin performed, someone’s life was on the line. That’s the simple genius behind the trick. Every task your protagonist has to perform should have high stakes. And as the protagonist completes each task and moves on to the next, crank up the stakes. The stakes in “Smoke and Mirrors” have a clear ascendant progression: (1) Darcy’s life, (2) Robert-Houdin’s life (3) and collectively, the lives of Robert-Houdin, Colette, Darcy and all of the Legionnaires. Here’s the other lesson: Every overarching thematic conflict in this script, Science vs. Magic, God vs. Allah, France vs. Kabyle, Civilized Man vs. the Savage, is boiled down to the two characters who come from each side. Robert-Houdin and the sorcerer, Zoras Al Khatim. Their intimate battle of wills puts two entire nations at stake. By making your characters symbols of bigger conflicts, you widen scope of your story. It’s how you can tell an epic story but at the same time make it personal and intimate. There are many other lessons and tricks to be learned in this script, you only have to look closer to discover them.

Genre: Action Comedy
Premise: Dave Lizewski is an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan who one day decides to become a super-hero, even though he has no powers, training or meaningful reason to do so. (from IMDB)
About: Kick-Ass is Matthew Vaughn’s third directing effort (behind Layer Cake and Stardust). What some people don’t know about Vaughn is that before he became a director, he was Guy Ritchie’s producer, producing such films as Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and even the Madonna debacle, Swept Away. Kick-Ass stars Nicholas Cage and McLovin, as well as Chloe Moretz and Aaron Johnson.
Status of Draft: Development – 2nd Draft
Status of Project: Completed
Writers: Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn (based on the Marvel/Icon comic mini-series from Mark Milllar and John Romita Jr.)
Details: 105 pages (Because this is a 2nd draft, many things may have changed in the final shooting script, although I will say that pretty much everything I saw in the trailer is in the script).


I dig anyone brave enough to shun convention. Matthew Vaughn, however confusing and divisive his choices may be, doesn’t really give a shit about posters and, quote unquote, marketability. He just goes out and makes movies he’d like to see. Hollywood can sort out the rest. I know there are people who absolutely despise Stardust, and I won’t argue that it’s a mixed bag, but hell if it isn’t divinely inspired in places. I loved Robert DiNero’s character, and the “dead-man” sword fight near the end attempts something so few writers ever even try, which is to take a well-known device and put a spin on it.

What’s interesting about Kickass is that it’s probably the most predictable of his ideas (even though it’s not technically his idea). The “normal guy becomes a super-hero” angle is about as popular a screenplay choice as American Idol is a TV show. We’ve seen it in the simultaneously overrated and underrated Unbreakable, the hideously bad Mystery Men, the most annoying actor in movies’ (Michael Rapaport) film, “Special,” and those are just the ones that made it into production. I see the idea in countless spec screenplays all the time (both sold and unsold). For all these attempts, however, nobody has cracked the formula. So I welcome people to keep trying. Until someone gets it right, the idea is fair game.

When I watched the trailer for Kick-Ass, I found myself saying, “This guy gets it.” The characters look inspired, the tone feels fresh, and the movie just looks downright fun. The only issue here is that we’re still talking about Matthew Vaughn. The man can have inspired moments of genius but follow them with head-scratching tangents that are about as organic to the story as that popcorn butter they serve in the theater. As a filmmaker, I trust this guy. But as a writer? I’m still not sure. Let’s find out if he and Goldman brought it.


Dave Lizewski is your average dork, dweeb, nerd. He isn’t noticed at school. And on the rare occasion that he is, it’s usually because he did something stupid. Dave gives you direct insight into his life via voice over, which runs pretty much throughout the entire script, and is overwhelmingly present here in the first act. I have no problem with voice over as a choice and it seems to fit the mood here so I went with it.

Kick-Ass’s first misstep is in its flimsy motivation for why its main character decides to become a superhero. Nothing really pushes Dave into becoming a super-hero other than he wakes up one day and wonders why normal people can’t be superheroes. With the tone of this script being so light, I suppose you could forgive this, but it would’ve been nice to see his choice stem from something more personal (or at least a personal experience).

So Dave stitches together a costume, grabs a couple of sticks, and goes out to fight crime as his brand new superhero alias: Kick-Ass. His first attempts don’t exactly land him in the super hero Hall of Fame though, as he’s beaten to within inches of his life. Back at the hospital, Vaughn comes through with his first bout of randomness, inserting a scene where Dave has daydreams about Chinese families telling him he’s going to be reincarnated, as well as the obligatory giant talking spider! I will give Vaughn this. The man’s unpredictable.


Meanwhile, we meet Damon Macready and his 11 year old daughter, Mindy (aka “Big Daddy” and “Hit Girl”). These two are *real* super-heroes. Or wait. They’re normal people pretending to be super-heroes but who are *really* good at it. I’m actually not sure what they are, since even though they’ve been around a lot longer than Kick-Ass has, nobody knows about them. Also in the mix is mega-rich crime boss Frank D’Amico and his son Chris D’Amico (played by McLovin). Frank is trying to keep his strangle-hold of the city’s drug trade in line while the isolated Chris is just trying to lead a somewhat normal existence.

When Dave’s follow-up attempts to fight crime start to (sorta) work, he becomes a Youtube sensation, which gets the attention of real-life crimefighters Big Daddy and Hit Girl, as well as Chris, who eventually wants a part of the action and invents his own superhero persona, “Red Mist.”

Much like the trailer, the tone here is light and easy, with plenty of jokes to keep you smiling the whole way through (particularly if you like masturbating. There is lots and LOTS of masturbating in Kick-Ass). Here’s the problem though. After finishing this script, I still didn’t know what it was about. There’s no clear-cut plot. There’s no real story here to speak of other than a bunch of semi-super-heroes attempting to fight crime. It’s as if that obsession with character was so great, that Vaughn forgot to give the characters anything to actually do. I mean if I was pressed for it, I’d probably say the plot was for the superheroes to disrupt Frank’s drug trafficking, but since this angle didn’t seem to have any obvious consequences (i.e. if they didn’t succeed, it’s not like anything that bad would happen), I wasn’t sure what the focus was supposed to be.

I’ll admit this is my problem with origin stories in general though and I understand the unique challenges in writing them. Usually the first act of a movie sets up the main problem. But comic book origin movies always end up getting fucked in this respect because they have to spend the first act introducing our character and how he becomes a superhero. This then forces you to set up your problem in the second act, and by that point the structure is already so fucked up that the entire rhythm of the story is thrown out of whack. Still, I would’ve liked for the threat to be made more clear in Kick-Ass.


As I mentioned before, the characters are, admittedly, hilarious and you can’t say “Red Mist” coupled with the thought of McLovin’s face without laughing (whoever did McLovin’s hair in this should get a make-up Oscar next year). But once we reached that third act I just wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be rooting for. “Drug people = bad” isn’t enough for me these days. If there were any major changes in the subsequent drafts, I’m hoping that these are the issues they addressed.

I’ll still go see this for the hilarious character work but if anything needed a kick in the ass here, it was the plot.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: You want there to be stakes in your finale. You want it to feel like if your characters don’t succeed, that the consequences will be devastating. If there’s nothing at stake in the final battle, why should we care about it? You can argue that just the fact that your hero’s life is at stake is enough, but you’d be wrong my compadre. Because stakes go both ways. What your hero *gains* from winning the battle is just as important as what he loses by losing the battle. So if he just gets to stay alive by winning, that won’t cut it. He has to foil something, save someone, disrupt or end something that would’ve otherwise ruined mankind. At the end of Star Wars, Luke doesn’t just survive the Empire, he destroys the damn Death Star! Since I was never clear what Kick Ass gained or lost from the final battle (which stemmed from an unclear plot), I wasn’t as involved as I wanted to be.

We all do it. Every time we see a movie like “Gamer” or “Inkheart” hit the cineplexes, we shake our heads, rolls our eyes, and say, “I know I could do better than that.” We imagine ourselves as studio bosses, greenlighting a dozen District 9s, Hurt Lockers, or Up In The Airs. We’d make quality films, films that actually had something to say dammit! I mean let’s be honest, the only reason Transformers 2 and G.I. Joe made any money is because they had 100 million dollar marketing campaigns. Right?

Hmmm. Not so fast. Think about it. Really think about it. If you had a job that paid you 5 million dollars a year and allowed you more power than almost anyone in town, would you really be gambling it away on trying to find the next “Good Will Hunting?” It’s easy to play armchair studio boss from the confines of your living room. But I’m not sure any one of us, if put in that position, wouldn’t be calling Michael Bay, promising him tens of millions of dollars, if he would just please commit to Transformers 3. It’s sad, but it’s true.

Well lucky for me, this article isn’t reality. It’s a pseudo-quasi reality where I’m opening my own studio and trying to come up with my first year’s slate. I’d imagine, since this is my first studio, that my investors wouldn’t be giving me a billion dollars. They’d probably give me around 150-200 million (yeah, totally). I’d use this money to make five movies in the roughly 20-50 million dollar range. With that money, these are the five scripts I’d immediately put into production.

DEAD LOSS by Josh Baizer and Marshall Johnson – Thriller

Premise: A crew of crab fisherman rescue a drifting castaway with a mysterious cargo.

Do you remember the cinematic atrocity that was The Perfect Storm? They got us to pay ten dollars to go see a 15 second sequence of an enormous computer generated wave that we had already seen in the previews! That was the only memorable part in the entire movie! Dead Loss is the movie The Perfect Storm should’ve been. It’s got a good story, deep characters, intriguing twists and turns, in addition to a subject matter we haven’t seen on the big screen before. True it’s set on water and water is always trouble for productions, but after seeing this Youtube video, I’ve realized that elaborate sets simply aren’t a problem anymore. Which means you’re basically spending all your money in one place, the boat. You could be flexible and keep it under 25 million with B-level stars, or make it in the 50 million dollar range with one A-lister. Also, as long as contained thrillers are done reasonably well, they’ll always make money.

SOURCE CODE by Ben Ripley – Sci-Fi Thriller

This may seem like an obvious choice but I actually went back and forth on it for awhile. Source Code, like Dead Loss, takes place in limited locations (2 to be exact) so it’d be super cheap to make. My big fear with Source Code stems from this same issue however. Is it big enough for the average sci-fi fan? I know the kind of people who went to see Moon will line up for Source Code, but does it jump into that larger sci-fi appeal that is District 9? In the end, I have to go with the old adage that story is king. When you look at a similar movie like Déjà Vu (I think the biggest spec sale ever, at around 4.5 million dollars), they tried to make this huge sci-fi action movie but it didn’t amount to anything because it never made any sense. Source Code’s story is so sound (the Ripley draft at least – which is what I’d go with) that word of mouth will carry this film. So I’m including it on my slate.

THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE by Kathy McWorter – Romantic Comedy

Premise: A loveless man who believes he’s dying meets a woman who turns his life upside-down.

For those who don’t know, The Cheese Stands alone has become sort of this infamous screenplay in Hollywood, and for a lot of people, a cautionary tale. When the script sold for the most money a comedy spec had ever sold for back in 1991 (1 million bucks), studios began mumbling that they had gone too far, that they were swimming in excess. Unfortunately, as year by year went by and The Cheese Stands Alone wasn’t made, it provided enough ammo to turn that cheese into swiss, and now the script is used as an example why never to pay too much for a screenplay. But see here’s the thing, none of that matters anymore. And this script, which at the time was maybe a little bit cliché (reminiscent of movies like Moonstruck and Mystic Pizza) has entered an era where it would be completely original. As Hollywood complains about the dismal state of the romantic comedy, this script turns all of those horrid clichés on their head and feels, ironically, like a brand new voice. Not to mention, the dialogue here is better than 99.9% of the dialogue I read in any modern-day screenplay. But most of all, when I read this script, I just get this sense of fun. You can’t read it without smiling and you can just tell that that’s going to show up onscreen. It baffles me that no one’s even attempted to make this in the last five years.

SUNFLOWER by Misha Green – Thriller

Premise: Two women are held hostage in a prison-like farmhouse.

If you’re starting a studio, your best bet is horror and thrillers. Why? They provide the most bang for their buck. Cheap to make and don’t require huge stars to get their money back. Sunflower is another contained thriller (single location – cheap) that adds a twist. Instead of a single woman trying to escape a madman’s prison-like home, it’s two women. In other words, it’s a horror-thriller with a unique twist and a potentially sexy undercurrent. Hello? Two super-hot women clawing and scratching their way to freedom – only one survives? I’m in. This script would actually be so cheap to make (you could probably do it for 5-10 million) that I could use the extra cash to land a couple of A-listers in my other movie choices. So Sunflower is a definite go picture at Scriptshadow Studios.

THE DOGS OF BABEL by Jaime Linden – Drama

This would be my one big gamble but it’s a gamble I’m comfortable making because the script is freaking awesome. It’s just a great great story. From what I understand, the big problem with The Dogs Of Babel is that there’s no appeal for male actors to play the lead role. But I think this role is meatier than actors give it credit for. It’s very similar to the role Jodie Foster played in Contact, where she was going on this impossible journey, but refused to quit no matter how many obstacles were thrown in her path. Because she refuses to give up, she emerges as the protypical hero, the kind of person we all want to be (which she garnered an Oscar nomination for). That’s the same kind of reception a male actor would get from playing this role. But regardless of that (let’s just say we throw a B-Lister in the part), the female lead is a wonderful and challenging role for an actress. You’re basically playing a bi-polar dead person. That sounds to me like a role with all sorts of potential. Add into that the ten cajillion dog lovers in the U.S. and I just find it very hard that this movie wouldn’t find an audience. This is the kind of script that if done right, would be up there at Oscar time. I have no doubt about that.

SPECIAL MENTION – BRIGANDS OF RATTLEBORGE by Craig Zahler – Western

If any of these movies fell apart at the last second, I would put Brigands Of Rattleborge on my slate. Why? Because it has the potential to be the best Western of all time. I’m not saying it *would* be, but it has the potential to be. The reason this doesn’t get Top 5 mention is because…well let’s face it, it’s a Western. And how well do Western’s do in the marketplace? But the reason I know this would do well is because I don’t like Westerns. And I love this script. So I’m betting there’d be other people out there just like me, non-Western fans ready to crossover if you give them a reason to. And the reason here is simple: the character of Abraham. The mysterious tortured vengeful killer who has more ingenuity in his killing practices than Hannibal Lecter and Dexter combined. I still don’t know why they can’t target every serious A-list actor in town because I can’t imagine a single one of them reading this part would not want to do it. The big stumbling block here is obviously the director. It ain’t like 30 years ago when you had ten directors who were proven to be able to pull off a Western. Nowadays, you don’t know who’s Western-worthy, which results in the assumption that only the A-list directors can handle the challenge. And we all know how easy it is to get one of them to commit to a project. Because this would be the hardest project to set up of the six mentioned, I’d only do it if something else fell through. But hell if this wouldn’t be a cool movie.

Well, those are my picks. Would my studio crash and burn? Can you do better? If you were starting your own studio, which five scripts would you make first?