Hope everyone had a Happy Fourth. I’ll be taking the day off today as my cohort Tarson Meads makes his return reviewing a Vampire script. Tomorrow I’ll be reviewing that mysterious high-profile project (which I will warn you in advance – there will be no script link for). If you’re just dying to know what it is, I just started the Scriptshadow Fadebook Fan Page. There are some hints on there :) So stop fooling around and join up! Here’s Tarson…

Genre: Action/Horror
Premise: Two US mercenaries become involved in a brazen plot to kidnap a beautiful and seductive socialite. However, they soon realize the girl they’ve snatched is an ancient Vampire queen, and her legion is out to get her back.
About: A vampire spec penned by upcoming writer/director Michael Stokes. His indie film “The Beacon” won first prize in a series of horror festivals and comps. Nightfall is currently in development with legendary horror producer Frank Mancuso Jr.
Writer: Michael Stokes

Nightfall has been on my Top 10 for a while now, but I never had the chance to review it, so here you go.

They say don’t ever write a Vampire spec, right? Thankfully, Stokes ignored that advice and wrote one of the most enjoyable Vampire scripts I’ve read in years. I had a lot of fun with Nightfall, there’s a ton of stuff to compliment here, but the real highlight was Stokes’ writing style. I loved it. It’s the kind of style I try to emulate. Snappy dialogue, vivid action, words that pack a punch. The way a great action spec should be.

Stokes doesn’t waste any time at getting to the meat of the concept either. The story begins with the intro of our two protags – Rainford and Denton, two bad- ass, mercs for hire. Rainford is actually on a job to kill Denton when we first meet them inside an Albanian tavern. Rainford’s job has been set up by a couple of local mobsters. The pay is good, but at the last minute, Rainford decides against killing Denton, and all hell breaks loose. This opening grabbed me from page one with strong visuals, and some really cool action sequences.

After the opening bang, the two men decide to work together and soon become involved in a shady scheme to kidnap an exotic socialite from a packed nightclub. They don’t know much about the target – except her name is Aurora, she’s drop dead gorgeous, and their employer is a very rich man by the name of Peter Foxe. Unfortunately his hot-headed and inexperienced son is leading the gig. Apart from our two heroes, there’s a crew of freelance mercs tagging along, who seem to know a lot more about the job than they’re letting on. Things are not adding up. Sparks soon begin to fly. There also seems to be an awful lot of heavy handed hardware and tech in place, just for one woman. Hmmm. You see where this is headed, don’t you.

Another highlight for Nightfall was Stokes’ clever usage of Vampire mythology, as well as his own unique touches that he skilfully adds, here and there. The action is top-notch, and when the shit hits the fan, its balls-to-the-wall mayhem. It’s just a great combination of action and horror, with lots of twists and turns. Overall this was just a really fun read, highly recommended for any scribes who are into this kind of thing.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I Learned: Don’t be so concerned with market trends. Sure, you need a solid understanding of what’s selling and what’s not, but chasing the market isn’t the best course to a success. Writing what you feel passionate about is. But make sure you know what the hell you’re doing. There’s no formula when it comes to what sells. Genre wise, anything can sell, but it has to be unique and commercially viable at the same time. With so many Vampire and Zombie scripts clogging up the spec market, most people in Hollywood yawn at the sight of them, knowing all too well, the majority of them, suck (heh.) But despite this, audiences still crave these types of movies, and despite what you hear, they are still popular with some studios and production companies. They just need to be good. Really fucking good.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: After a publisher changes a writer’s debut novel about a deadly assassin from fiction to nonfiction, the author finds himself thrust into the world of his lead character, and must take on the role of his character for his own survival.
About: This is Morris’ first script sale. He optioned one screenplay before this one. More on Morris tomorrow, when he gives GITS and Scriptshadow an “Assassin” interview.
Writer: Jeff Morris

So when Scott and I published our 5 script choices for this month’s Scriptshadow Challenge, I quickly received an e-mail from Jeff Morris, the writer of The True Memoirs Of An International Assassin. He was receptive and a great sport about his script being reviewed. But I was a little nervous. Assassin was looking like it was going to win. What if I didn’t like it? I remembered back to the days when all I had to do at Scriptshadow was review scripts. When did everything become so complicated?? Well color me relieved. Assassin was a fun breezy comedy with a memorable cast of characters. Was it perfect? No. I had a few quibbles here and there. But I’ll get to those later. First, let’s talk about the story.

Joe is a struggling spy novel writer who’s a bit of a pussy. He’s the kind of guy the boss knows he can make work late. Lucky for Joe, he’s just finished his latest manuscript, a spy thriller about the world’s most cunning international assassin. He sends it off to every publisher in town and every publisher in town immediately rejects him (hey, beats waiting). Just when Joe is ready to give up on his dream , he gets “the call.” It’s one of the publishing houses. They love his book and want to put it into print right away! Joe is ecstatic. Years of hard work finally paying off (ahem, real-life parallels here?) and Joe gets to do what every one of us dreams of doing, walk into that office and tell your boss to f8ck off (it doesn’t exactly work out that way but kudos to Joe for trying).

Joe eagerly anticipates his book’s grand opening and when it finally comes, he races into the store, straight to the new fiction section only to realize – wait a minute – his book isn’t there. He hurries up to the cashier and informs her of the problem. “Not a problem,” she says. “The book’s in the non-fiction section.” The non-fiction section? Joe is confused. His book’s not non-fiction. He heads over and cautiously picks up one of his books only to find out that the word “True” has been added to the title. Uh-oh. This is bad. A concerned Joe bee-lines over to his publisher and lets him know that a giant mistake has been made. No mistake, his slimy publisher assures him. He simply made a business decision. As a novel, it sucked. But as a true story, it’s spectacular. Joe fights viciously to get this wrong righted, even threatening to go to the authorities. But the publisher makes it clear that if Joe screws them in any way, he’ll be sued right out of existence.

Pretty soon, Joe is doing Matt Lauer interviews and grumpily going along with his alleged “former career,” even becoming a bit of a celebrity around town. He gets so sick of living a lie though, so sick of all the false attention, he decides it’s time to get away. Too much of a pushover to ever ask for a vacation at his old job, Joe thinks a vacation will do him right. He settles on the beautiful South American tropical paradise of Belize, where surely no one will know him.

As soon as Joe lands he’s kidnapped by the local ruling ganglord, El Toro, a kind of ‘Scarface-with-a-sense-of-humor’ thug. El Toro has el-reado Joe’s booko and is convinced that Joey’s the dangerous international assassin, Colt Rodgers, from the book. So El Toro orders Joe to unretire and kill the Prime Minister of Belize! Joe tries desperately to plead his case (“I’m not who you think I am”) but El Toro is a very insistent man and offers Joe ridiculous amounts of money. In the end, Joe is given a trunk full of a guns and a mandate to kill the Prime Minister.

Complicating matters is smokin-hot journalist Claire, a former high school classmate of Joe’s who smells something fishy about this whole “international assassin” thing. From what she remembers, Joe couldn’t assassinate a prom invite. Determined to expose him and his scam, she flies to Belize and “accidentally” bumps into Joe, deceitfully cozying up to him so she can catch him in his lie. Poor Joe falls for it hook, line and sinker, and falls for the girl that’s only using him for a story. Joe also manages to upset the rival ganglord, Jesus, who’s a lot like El Toro without the sense of humor. Jesus, on the take with the dirty Prime Minister, now wants to assassinate Joe.

Assassin is the perfect example of how to approach a spec script. Come up with a good hook, keep the story simple, and exploit the premise to its maximum potential. In fact, Assassin kinda read like a good vacation. It was fun, relaxing, and time flew by. It wasn’t all sunscreen and mai-tais though. I did have some issues with the script. The first was the lack of a clear goal for Joe. He’s been paid to kill the prime minister, but we all know he’s not going to do it. So what is Joe doing exactly? For awhile there, I wasn’t sure. This leads into my second problem: the lack of urgency. El Toro is funny, but he’s not scary. Nor is he around enough for us to feel like Joe is in any danger. Had El Toro been more intense and given Joe a more definitive time frame in which he had to kill the Prime Minister, I feel like the script would’ve gained a sense of urgency, which in turn would’ve led to a more fearful Joe, which in turn would’ve led to a story with higher stakes (studio term, I know. But I felt like it applied here).

Luckily, the script was funny enough to mask most of these issues. I loved the bumbling idiot CIA agents, convinced that Joe is indeed Colt Rodgers. I loved the alcoholic’s anonymous bodyguard El Toro sets Joe up with, and I loved how Joe steps back every once in awhile just to wonder, “How the f*ck did I get into this situation??” My favorite scene in the script is when he goes to the Prime Minister to warn him that El Toro is trying to kill him, and accidentally ends up – well – assassinating the prime minister.

The humor is pretty broad overall, but if you’re into Farrely Brothers movies, this is going to be right up your alley. Jack Black would be perfect in this roll so Jeff, if you and your agent are listening, it’s time to give Mr. Black a call. Leave your own thoughts on the script down below. I’ll be interested to hear what you guys think. If you haven’t downloaded “Assassin” yet, I suggest you give it a spin. It’s a fun ride.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I Learned: Stay focused on your story. Make sure every scene is about *that* story. You can explore interesting tangents in your character-driven pieces, but if you’re writing a spec (something with an interesting hook that’s story-driven), never go too far off-point. “Assassin” does a really good job of this.

And now, here’s Scott’s analysis from Go Into The Story…

“The True Memoirs of an International Assassin”

Written by Jeff Morris

Character Archetypes

Protagonist – Joe Schmidt

His Disunity state at the beginning is Joe the Author vs. Colt the Assassin. Eventually he has to claim his ‘Inner Colt’ to become the hero he needs to be in order to save Claire.

Nemesis – El Toro / Jesus

El Toro forces Joe to take on the task of assassinating the Prime Minister, then Jesus takes over the antagonist role, leading to their eventual Final Struggle.

Attractor – Claire

The growing romance between Claire and Joe causes Claire to change from hard-ass reporter intent on busting Joe to acting to squash the story.

Mentor – Kenny

Secretly a member of the B.I.A. (Belize Intelligence Agency), Kenny encourages then trains Joe to ‘become’ Colt Rodgers.

Trickster – Walt / Colt Rodgers

Walt publishes Joe’s book, but calls it a piece of non-fiction, setting into motion all the ‘negative’ events in Joe’s life. In assuming the persona of Colt, Joe receives benefits (hero worship), but also all the mistaken identity hassles.

10 Major Plot Points

ACT ONE

The Opening

Introduces the fictional hero Colt Rodgers and his creator Joe Schmidt, an aspiring writer whose fantasy world of bullets and bravery is a far cry from his real world, establishing that Joe and Colt are “polar opposites.”

The Hook

His book published, but fraudulently so as a “true” memoir, Walt (Joe’s publisher) convinces Joe to publicize the book as Joe Schmidt AKA Colt Rodgers.

The Lock

While on vacation, a local ‘bad guy’ (El Toro) coerces Joe to assassinate the Prime Minister, resulting in Joe being tracked by El Toro and his men, the CIA, and Claire, a reporter posing as a businesswoman on vacation, looking for an expose on Joe’s “fake memoir.”

ACT TWO

First Big Test

Jesus Sanchez vows to kill Joe / Wayne urges Joe to live “like Colt Rodgers.”

Transition

Joe beats up someone he thinks is out to kill him / wrong guy, but Joe is now acting like Colt Rodgers.

Second Big Test

Joe “kills” the Prime Minister.

All Is Lost

Jesus kidnaps Claire.

ACT THREE

On the Defensive

Kenny helps Joe train as a hit man, but Joe isn’t any good.

On the Offensive

Joe assaults Jesus Sanchez’s compound.

Final Struggle

Joe vs. Jesus (with a major assist from Kenny) – defeats Jesus and saves Claire.

Major Selling Points

Strong high concept: The central premise is easy to grasp and therefore market. Good basis for an action-comedy.

Castable lead role: The Protagonist role (Joe Schmidt / Colt Rodgers) could be filled by a number of male comedic actors, which gives a studio flexibility in terms of budget and schedule.

Action-comedy is hot: Four of 2009’s biggest hit movies are action-comedies (Up, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Paul Blart: Mall Cop).

Paul Blart: Mall Cop: The movie cost $26M. It grossed $180M worldwide. Starring Kevin James — who would be a great call for True Memoirs.

PG-rating: After excising various F-words from the script, the movie should be able to get a PG rating, assuring widest possible audience.

100 pages: Translates into about a 90 minute movie, which means it can get an additional screening per theater (6, not just 5 per day), thereby generating more B.O..

Wish fulfillment: Youth audience can live out fantasy of acting out like a spy / assassin.

In sum, The True Memoirs of an International Assassin has all the elements of a successful action-comedy movie with a moderate budget $30-40M and strong upside for significant B.O. and ancillary revenues.

Note: Be honest in the comments section. But please be respectful. Jeff was nice enough to grant us an interview and I’d like to have more writers come on Scriptshadow and share their experiences. It’s the only way for the rest of us to learn. Honesty, good. Cruelty, bad.

Genre: Drama
Premise: Coming-of-age tale about a young man trying to find himself in New York City.
About: Allan Loeb is one of the hottest writers working today. He broke onto the scene with Black List favorite, “Things We Lost In The Fire” (which I’ve been told is a much better script than it is a movie), penned the surprise hit “21,” and most recently finished the job of one of the most sought after assignments in town, “Money Never Sleeps” (aka “Wall Street 2”), and he’s got like six other projects in development. The Only Living Boy In New York is unique in that it’s one of the only drama specs sold in the last 5 years that didn’t have any talent attached (translation: It was really f’ing good).
Writer: Allan Loeb

Like I always say, if you’re gonna steal, steal from the best. “Living Boy” is basically “The Graduate” meets “Great Expectations” with a pinch of “The Great Gatsby” thrown in for good measure. The coming-of-age stuffy upper-crust 20-something angsty tale in NY is likely to appall as much as it appeals since older folk tend to roll their eyes at insignificant “problems” us young men endure (“Oh, I missed work because I partied too late. What ever am I going to do?”). This attitude reached an all-time fever pitch during the successful run of “Garden State,” a movie “Living Boy” will no doubt be compared to. But while “Boy” definitely has its share of angst, its characters lift it up and beyond Zach Braff’s New Jersey opus. Things feel a bit more meaningful here. And I can attribute that mainly to Loeb’s excellent writing.

20-something Thomas lives in New York City. He’s best friends with a super-hot (in a hip alternative way) college chick named Mimi. In an ecstacy-inspired night of regret and stupidity, Mimi makes the mistake of granting Thomas an all-night sex-a-thon. As a result, he’s fallen hopelessly in love with her. Of course Mimi considers the night a monumental college-level mistake (boy did I have my share of those) and doesn’t see why Thomas can’t just get over it. Thomas spends a good portion of “Living Boy” wondering why a sweet decent-looking guy like himself can’t land a hot girl like Mimi.

That’s the least of his worries though. While wandering aimlessly through New York one day, he accidentally spots his asshole of a father kissing a woman that is definitely NOT his mother. The 30-something icy business woman, Johanna, is easily the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Thomas is furious. His mother is already on the verge of a mental breakdown and finding out that her husband is cheating on her would surely push her over the edge.

Rounding out the cast of characters is the mysterious W.F. Gerald (it even sounds like someone from The Great Gatsby), a 50-something “unmade bed of a man,” as Loeb puts it. The wise W.F. is always there to dole out his sage advice when Thomas needs it. And Thomas needs it in spades.

He begins following his father’s mistress and when he finally works up the courage to confront her, he demands that she stop seeing him. The woman, who seems not to know of these things called “feelings,” makes it very clear that both she and her father can make their own decisions and that Thomas has no say in the matter. She follows this by accusing Thomas of falsely approaching her – insisting that the only reason he followed her was because he wants her himself. Thomas is appalled at the suggestion and storms away.

Later on, at a swanky upper crust party, Thomas runs into Johanna separately from his father, and she proceeds to seduce him (for the sport of it, of course), taking him home and engaging in a wild night of animal sex. Thomas now finds himself in an affair within an affair…sort of… as he starts sleeping with the same woman that is sleeping with his father. That’s comfortable. Of course Mimi, playing off of Thomas’ new popularity with the ladies, suddenly changes her mind and decides that she wants a relationship with Thomas. But Thomas has long since fallen in love with Johanna, and now cares only that she dump his father so the two can be together alone…and not…with his father (your average 20-something dilemma).

The way Thomas weaves in and out of these storylines is humbling to say the least. Loeb is an incredibly gifted writer. One of the true marks of great writers is how they describe their characters, and Loeb doesn’t disappoint.
[scrippet]
…Mimi Pastori

wears a double dyed pink wife-beater that stops just short of her bumper sticker… the Chinese symbol of balance. She owns a temple of a body built of feminine mesa-morph and displays small diamond stud in her nose.

All of Mimi’s attempts to hide her beauty fail miserably.
[/scrippet]
Or the way they write dialogue…
[scrippet]
THOMAS
I think… I… August eighth. I think August eighth was real.

MIMI
It was amazing, Thomas, but it was just one night. We were both on ecstasy, I thought I was a pirate and I was vulnerable because Nick left… and it was just one night.

THOMAS
Well, I’m crazy about you.

MIMI
And I’m crazy about you. But–

THOMAS
Don’t say “as a friend.”

He pulled the words right out of her mouth…

MIMI
Why not, Thomas? Why is that so bad?

THOMAS
Because pretty girls like to recruit their rejections and call them friends.
[/scrippet]
Or just how they can describe something in such a way that you know exactly what they mean…
[scrippet]
Howard immediately looks around. This transparent look-through-you gaze that famous and extremely rich people do when they want to talk to someone more important.
[/scrippet]
The Only Living Boy In New York’s biggest strength is also its biggest weakness. We’re looking at a character study here. And because Loeb is so focused on these great characters, the story itself is minimal to non-existent. Which is fine. That’s par for the course in this genre. But “Living Boy” stops just short of feeling like something important. It doesn’t make you reevaluate your life the way a viewing of “The Graduate” does. It’s limited to the inter-connectivity of these handful of characters. But it’s a great handful. I wouldn’t mind scooping up a few of them and tossing them in my own screenplays. If you’re a fan of “coming-of-age” films, this is a must read. If not, I would still encourage you to check this out. But I can’t promise it’s going to knock your socks off.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Take your time and describe your main characters people! Look at the way Loeb describes Mimi above. It takes time to come up with that. But it pays off. I know a lot of writers who would’ve gone with, “Mimi, 22, is artsy and hot.” I’m not saying I haven’t seen professional writers do this. I have. But you get so little time in a screenplay to convey the true essence of a character, and if you nail it the description, it makes things so much easier on you and the reader later on.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A family man on the verge of a mid-life crisis turns his basement into a “man-cave”, complete with all the amenities every man needs. Later he discovers a hidden passage in the cave that takes him into an alternate reality male dreamworld.
About: Man Cave was picked up by Sony in April. Joe Roth will produce. Lutz and Isser have another project set up at Intrepid called “Park Narcs,” a comedy about park rangers.
Writer: Jacob Isser & Paul Lutz

I admit it. I’m a sucker for “Guy feels lost and tries to change his life” movies. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I feel that way every other week! The idea of someone taking charge and doing something about their problem is inspiring because normally, in real life, all we do is sit around and bitch about it. We never actually do anything to change our circumstances. The title “Danny Graves’ Man Cave” doesn’t exactly inspire thoughts of a contemplative exploration of what it means to be a man, but that’s kind of what Man Cave is about. Does it succeed? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but it’s definitely more ambitious than your average comedy. For a script I expected to be a 2 hour beer commercial, getting this unexpectedly complicated look at life was a nice surprise.

Danny Graves is a somewhat-loving husband to his wife Alison, and a serviceable dad to his weird elementary school son, Lucas. But things have been deteriorating in Danny’s life lately and he’s starting to wonder, “Is this all there is?” In a random trip into his basement, a trip that gives him some much-needed downtime- he sees…the light. A cave. A MAN cave. No women allowed. No children allowed. No work allowed. Just peace, beer, and TV. A utopia to celebrate owning a penis.

Upon completion of his Mantopia, Danny discovers a secret passageway which leads to a crawlspace, which leads to a ladder, which opens up to his backyard. Except this doesn’t feel like the backyard he knows. One look around tells us why. There’s a picture of a vagina on the local water tower. There’s a Mustang in the garage. His neighbor is no longer a pussy about everything. His wife actually dresses up sexy for him. His son actually has friends! It’s…an alternate Man Universe! A man-iverse.

Danny gets situated in his new world pretty easily – this world where people drink beer instead of water, where men get tattoos during their lunch break, where women are sex objects and love it, where if you want to make a point at work, you light something on fire dammit! And best of all, Danny is the Alpha Male in this world.

But his alternate universe isn’t a time machine, and whatever time he spends in the “Man-World” is time that goes by sans Danny in the real world. Needless to say, his wife, son, co-workers and boss start to get suspicious. And since there are only so many excuses (I think all us guys know that), Danny must begrudgingly balance his time between the two worlds.

The entire second act is the weakest part of Man Cave because it’s just one long extension of the premise. Danny experiences awesomeness in Man World. Danny experiences suckage in Real World. Man World = good. Real World = bad. It’s frustrating because you’re waiting for the story to take over – but there is no story. Danny’s only goal is to escape the Real World as much as possible. Not until late in the 2nd act when the Man World starts to show its cracks does the story pick up momentum again. But it’s when Alison discovers Danny’s Man World, this terrifying alternate reality, her sluttier hotter dopplehanger, that things really derail for Danny.

I’ll be honest with you, after a great first act, I was really down on this script because nothing interesting happens for the entire middle portion. For lack of a better word it was boring. But I have to give it to Lutz & Isser. The surprise 3rd act sequence brings Danny Graves back from the grave.

In the act, Danny finds a second passageway in his Man Cave, and wonders what a Man World inside of a Man World would be like (come on – wouldn’t we all?). So he crawls through the crawlspace, up the ladder, into the yard to see…Man World 2. In this Man World, his lawn is made of astroturf. His wife is dressed like a hooker and is ready for a 3-way with his hot co-worker. There’s a picture of a shaved pussy on the local water tower. Neighbors have monster trucks parked in the driveway. It’s both horrifying and fascinating. But Danny’s curiosity isn’t quenched. He needs more. So he goes into the basement, through the passageway, and into the 3rd Man World. This world is even darker. His neighbor, Norm, has a cro-magnum face and is dragging his wife by the hair. Women run around the neighborhood topless. Men are beating the shit out of each other. But Danny doesn’t stop there. He goes into the basement, through the passageway, and opens up the vent to enter the 4th Man World. And it’s just darkness. Darkness and shadows. And he sees something coming towards him. Hunched over. Dirty. A monster. And when the creature gets close enough to see, we realize…

It’s Danny. Or some version of Danny.

He slams the lid closed and runs back through all the Man Worlds, back to the main world, desperately in search of his family, because he finally understands just how beautiful and satisfying and worthwhile his real life is.

Does it work? Not really. His wife is so unlikable and his kid so weird, that it’s not clear why he would all of a sudden realize he likes them again, or have ever liked them in the first place for that matter. I kinda wanted Isser and Lutz to grow some balls (ahem – staying with tonight’s theme) and stick with their dark instincts on the ending. If you create a reprehensible living situation for your protagonist, you have to give us a reason why he would go back to it other than that it’s the end of the movie. It makes no sense.

To me, this is an odd script. It starts out like The Graduate, becomes a broad comedy, then hits us with a dark third act. The tonal issues alone probably should’ve prevented a sale. But there is *something* about Danny Graves’ Man Cave, particularly towards the end, that makes it difficult to dismiss. By no means will I say you have to read this. But there are enough interesting choices in here to make it worth the read.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

WHAT I LEARNED: What’s driving your story? I consider this to be *the* most important screenwriting question you can ask yourself. At every point in your script, there needs to be a clear and intense force that’s driving the story. Something propelling us along. A point. A goal. A purpose. The reason Danny Graves’ second act drags is because it doesn’t have that engine. What’s Danny’s goal? What’s the story’s goal? What are we working up towards? Nothing. We’re just waiting to see how extensively Danny’s life can unravel. Personally, I don’t think that’s compelling enough. Sure there’s the rare movie that doesn’t have an obvious driving force (The Graduate comes to mind) but in those cases the characters have to be so incredibly captivating that we forget about the story. Giving Danny something tangible to go after here could’ve helped the script a lot. As it stands, there’s nothing to look forward to other than more “antics.”

Genre: Horror/Thriller
Premise: A fly fisherman lures his victims in with bait and guts them like fish.
About: Nicholl Fellowship winner 2007.
Writer: Michael L. Hare

This is going to cause some of you to have an orgasm. Seriously. If I had to describe this script, it would be a cross between The Strangers and Donnie Darko, two movies I’m not very fond of, but am sure a lot of you are. For the record, I watched Donnie Darko a second time a few years ago at an obscure boring party. I sat down and watched the entire thing to the sounds of ambient music and party noise. I realized how taken I was with it just from a visual perspective. The photography in that film is freaking awesome. It’s when people start talking or the odd musical choices kick in that it all falls apart (for me at least).

Anyway, The Fly Fisher is like the unofficial non-sci-fi sequel to Donnie Darko. It’s a story about a seriously fucked up Fly Fisherman who lures his victims in, does God knows what to them in his stream-side abode, then guts them like a fish.

After he mutilates a sweet little skater chick in the opening scene, we’re introduced to our hero, Jack. Jack is a bit of a high school nerd. He’s into theater. Plays chess. Not exactly hanging in the VIP section. Jack’s got a bit of a strained relationship with his father, Frank, who’s been favoring work over family time lately, and is upset when his dad can’t come to a chess tournament. His mom, Chris, takes him instead and after a 45 minute drive to the location, they find themselves lost in the middle of Swampland USA. How could this have happened, they ask? They followed the GPS.

Ooh, I might know. He LURED YOU HERE YOU IDIOTS! He used some sort of fish oil or something to hack your GPS. God you guys are stupid.

A grimy muddy old station wagon pulls up – always a positive and fruitful sign. But Jack and Chris shrug their shoulders and hop in when The Fly Fisherman (who likes to whistle) offers them a ride. When the Fly Fisherman tries to drive his catch back to the grill though, Chris and Jack fight back and escape, able to swim deep into the river to safety. Later, Frank laments the fact that he wasn’t there for them, and mentally promises to spend more time with his son. But it ain’t going to happen because that night The Fly Fisherman actually BREAKS INTO their house and kidnaps Jack!

Crying ensues.

Two years pass. Not a word. Not a peep. Frank and Chris assume the worst. Their son is dead. But then the cops get a call and the news comes back that they’ve found Jack! He’s alive! Yaaaayyyy!

Or is it yay?

……

This time, Frank’s going to make damn sure that he spends some time with his son. As the family tries to get back to a normal life, the secret of what happened to Jack over those two years hangs over them. His parents ask. But Jack doesn’t talk much anymore. He doesn’t do much of anything anymore. He seems detached. Tortured. Is there something else going on here?

You bet your ass there is! The Fly Fisher has programmed Jack to kill his father is what happened ! He even shows up at night in the yard calling to Jack: “Do it” he says. “Do it.” The Fly Fisher has convinced poor Jack that his father is evil for ignoring him and that the only solution is to kill him. Will the Fly Fisher win? Will Jack kill his father? Or will Jack break free of the Fly Fisher’s fish-like mind control over him? That’s the question.

Hmmm, where do I begin? I’ll give The Fly Fisher this. It keeps you guessing. Pretty much ignoring the 3-Act structure, the first 60 pages took so many detours, I had no idea if or when we were ever going to get back on the main road. I don’t even know if there was a main road to begin with because the focus of this takes awhile to become clear. We experience an unrelated murder. We then experience Jack and his Mom seemingly getting kidnapped. But they escape. We then see Jack kidnapped out of his own house. And then we see a “Two years later” title, where Jack is found and rejoins his parents. After all this happens, we still don’t know what the story is about. Needless to say, I was a little frustrated.

But the script is funky and different (like Darko and Strangers) and I have a feeling people will respond to that. It’s just that I, personally, prefer a strong narrative over a string of weird occurrences, as is the nature of The Fly Fisher. It does eventually get to the story (Will Jack kill his father?) but I had a hard time hopping in the boat on that one. Jack’s been brainwashed to think his father is a terrible person because of the way he’s treated Jack. And the movie becomes this emotional journey where Jack is trying to come to terms with whether his father cares about him or not. The problem is, from everything we know, Frank has just been busy at work . In every other respect, he’s a loving caring dad. So he hasn’t shown up to a few chess tournaments recently? That’s grounds for murder? I don’t know. I had a hard time buying it.

I was also curious why the detectives, who knew that The Fly Fisher’s previous victim attempted to kill his father under the same conditions, didn’t warn Frank about it. They were in constant contact. It seems like a piece of information you would want to hear – “Oh, by the way Frank, your son might try to kill you in your sleep.”

But the script has its admirers and the person who suggested it has solid taste so who knows? You might love it. If you do, please contribute your thoughts in the comments section. I’d like to know what I missed here.

[ ] trash
[x] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The Fly Fisher has an intense first 10 pages and that got me thinking about the ubiquitous screenwriting rule: “Make Your First 10 Pages Great”. While I believe in the first ten pages rule in principle, it’s kind of a crock of shit. On the one hand, you want to grab the reader’s attention right away. And that’s definitely important. But just in case you forgot, uh, THERE’S STILL ANOTHER 100 PAGES OF STORY LEFT TO TELL! It’s kind of like talking to women who are obsessed with their wedding. Who have been dreaming their entire lives about this one moment that’s going to be the most perfect day in their entire lives and if they can just have the perfect day then there’s nothing else they need…you want to say to them: “You know there’s 50 years of marriage after this, right?” Same deal here folks. It doesn’t matter if your first ten pages are bang-up awesome if the rest of the script sucks. I’ve actually seen a lot of this, where the writer clearly focuses only on the first ten pages – making them the best ten pages I’ve ever read….. and then page 11 sucks balls. So make your first ten pages great. But make the rest of them great as well. No one’s giving you a 3-picture deal for ten pages.