There’s this old Catch-22 in Hollywood. You can’t get an agent to read your script unless you’ve sold something. And you can’t sell something unless you have an agent pushing your script. You can probably up that number to Catch-24 or 25, since most production companies and studios won’t read your script unless it’s coming from an agency. There are two reasons for this. First, nobody wants some unrepped script coming in that could end up in a lawsuit. And second (and I think this is the more likely reason), they know the script is going to be terrible and don’t want to waste their time on it.

Yes this is the dirty little not-so-secret about sending your scripts out. 95% of the time, the scripts are terrible, which means if the agents go by the odds, your script will be be terrible, too. As someone who receives and reads lots of scripts myself, I can confirm this. And you guys have seen it, too. You know those 5 scripts you tear apart for Amateur Offerings every week? Those are the good selections. There are tons of submissions that don’t even get past the query stage because of spelling, grammar, lousy concept, lousy logline, or just an inability to form a coherent query (not everybody, mind you. Sometimes we just haven’t gotten to your submission yet).

So the question for today is, how do you get an agent when the odds are so fiercely stacked against you? Well, there are a few ways to go about it, but before we get to those ways, you must first…

BE READY
Nobody likes to hear this one, but your writing has to be ready for the big time if you’re going to get a respectable agent (you can shoot for a not-so-respectable agent, but that’s another story). Most writers press for agents too early. I see this ALLLLLL the time. And the writers say to me, “Why am I not getting an agent?” And I say, very respectfully, “I don’t think you’re ready yet.”

So how do you know when you’re ready? I don’t think you should send agents anything until you’ve written at least three scripts. And the safer bet is probably six. Still, I know people who are on their tenth script who aren’t ready. So this is not a guarantee of anything other than you’ve put in the work, are serious, and know all the basics (the three-act structure, that a script probably shouldn’t be over 110 pages, what a character arc is, etc.).

From there, it gets a little tougher. I’ve found that “readiness” can be gauged fairly accurately through screenplay competitions. Say you enter four screenplay contests. You should at least get to the second round of two of them (that’s typically the top 100-250 submissions). That’s the bare minimum of “readiness.” I would say getting to at least one semi-final in a good competition is necessary (that’s roughly top 20) before querying anybody. I’ve read every type of script there is. Second rounder, quarter-finals, semi-finals, finalists, winners. From dozens of competitions. So I have a pretty good feel for this. Even the finalists scripts usually have problems. So a second-rounder’s going to have a lot of problems. However, I understand that sometimes it comes down to the right reader “getting” a script, and you might not find that reader in four contests. BUT, if you’ve entered four contests and four separate vetting processes didn’t advance you beyond the first round, I wouldn’t query agents yet. I’d read more professional scripts and I’d buy more screenwriting books. Come back when you’ve gotten stronger.

Another way to know if you’re ready is through feedback. Submitting to Scriptshadow and being graded by your peers is a great way to do this. But not everyone gets that opportunity. Feedback from writing groups is helpful, although can be misleading if you’re still in the early stages when everyone wants to be nice and no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings. Long-term feedback is the best bet. The longer you get feedback from someone, the more honest they’ll be, and the more reactions you have to compare between. It becomes easier to figure out which of your scripts is getting the best response, and therefore which one might be ready to send out.

Okay, now let’s talk about the three ways to get your script to an agent.

William Morris Endeavor

COLD QUERYING
Querying is pointless. Targeted Querying is where it’s at. This means finding all the movies of the past ten years or so that are like your script. Then find out the writers of those scripts along with their representation (both agent and manager). You can find this info from places like Google, Spec Scout, The Tracking Board, IMDB Pro, and the WGA. Does this take forever? Yes. But whoever said this was easy? You’re competing for prime agent real estate against hundreds of thousands of other writers. Of course it’s going to be hard.

You’ll then write your query e-mail to these people. And guys, please check your query with a friend before you send it out to a hundred agents. Like I said before, I can knock off 60% of queries right away due to a grammatically incorrect e-mails or terribly written loglines. If you don’t know what to write, try something along the lines of: “Hi, I just wanted to say I’m a huge fan of “Terminal Cyborg.” It was one of my favorite films from last year. I understand that you represent the writer. I was wondering if you might want to read my script, “The Robot Files,” which is in the same vein. It’s about a group of robots who fight for robot rights in 2073 Mississippi.” If you have a noteworthy contest finish, bring it up. “The script recently finished in the semifinals of the Nicholl and has placed in many other contests. If you’re interested, let me know and I can send it over.” Personally, I’ve found that even quarterfinal Nicholl finishes are only “okay.” I don’t know if others feel that way too, but I’d probably only bring up semi-final or higher finishes and only in well-known competitions.

Another little trick you can do is… well… stretch the truth. You know that friend who USED to work at JJ Abrams’ “Bad Robot” as an intern for three months? The one who read your script? Well, technically, if you said that your “script is into Bad Robot and they’re considering it,” you’re not technically lying. The truth about Hollywood is, people tend to only want things when other people want them. So if there’s a way, in your query, to imply that other people are after your script, do it. I admit that I’ve been duped by this a few times myself. And while the scripts weren’t any good, they at least got me to open them.

Hearing back from an agent will depend on a lot of things. How well your query was written, how good your concept is, how big the agent is. Big agents often don’t have time to take on new writers, or even give their scripts a read. But if your concept is amazing or your query stands out in some way (it’s funny or really well written), they might read your first five pages and get hooked. The more likely scenario is that some of the mid and lower level agents will respond. That is, anyone who isn’t WME, UTA, or CAA. If Paradigm, ICM or APA responds, you’re still in good company. And then there will be smaller agencies still. Once you get down to the really small guys, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it. There’s often a good reason these guys are hanging onto the bottom rung.

Querying is all about the efforts you put in. If you half-ass it, you’re going to get half-ass results. You have to have a great concept to start with. Then you have to do all that research, finding the agents who like the material you write. Then you have to find their e-mails. Then you have to write a great query letter that passes your friend’s inspection test. Doing this takes time. But it’s the only way querying is going to work for you.

THE MANAGER
The Manager Route takes a little longer but it’s the route a lot of writers are going these days. If agents are about selling your material, managers are about managing your material. Whereas an agent might never give you a drop of feedback, most managers will read your scripts and give you notes, helping better you as a writer. Because managers are willing to work with you, they’ll usually take you on as a client when you’re a little greener. In other words, it’s easier to get a manager. Once you have a manager, it’s much easier to get an agent, since managers have a lot of relationships with agents (they’re often working as a team for their clients) and the agents trust their taste. You query managers the same way you query agents. And you should get a little better response.

NETWORKING
Writers hate this term because it’s so nebulous. There’s no A+B=C in networking. Rather you meet someone who may eventually meet someone else who a year down the line remembers your script which they give to someone else who likes it who gives it to their boss who happens to be an agent. Since it’s a lot harder to measure how all that’s going to work, writers would rather focus on the writing part. But of these three options, this is the one that will lead to the most success.  People who know you are more willing to pass your stuff on to others, or to read it themselves. Nobody wants to read something from someone they don’t know unless they’ve heard it’s amazing. The great thing is, it’s so damn easy to network in this day and age. Pick one of the many screenwriting boards on the internet, from this site to Simply Scripts to Amazon Studios to Trigger Street and be nice to people in the comments. Make friends. Trade scripts. Join a writing group. The bigger your network is, the more people you will have access to. You guys will get better together, until one of you breaks in. That person will then share his new contacts with you, and before you know it, you’ll have ins with agents who want to read your stuff. This is the slowest of the three options I’ve given, but it also results in the most success. You gotta network, guys.

IN SUMMARY
Like anything else in life, getting an agent depends on how much time you want to put into it, both on the writing side and on the looking side. You have to do a lot of research. You have to know who sells the kind of stuff you write. You have to come up with the perfect query letter. And all of this is dependent on you a) writing a concept that gets an agent excited, and b) executing that concept with a really good screenplay. Those last two things are the things that take the most time, but they’re really the only two things the agents pay attention to, so you gotta nail them first. The thing is, all the people who don’t want to do that? Who try to take short cuts? They’re the ones who get frustrated and give up. They’re the reason you’re going to make it and they aren’t. Because you’re willing to work harder and do more than they are. Getting an agent boils down to good old fashioned hard work. Either you’re willing to put in that work or you’re not.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A sheep herder in the old west falls for a woman who’s married to the biggest gang leader in the region.
About: This is Family Guy (and Ted) creator Seth MacFarlane’s new movie. Last year’s Oscar host is taking his new film one step further from Ted and adding “lead actor” to his ever evolving resume. The film will co-star Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, and Neil Patrick Harris. For those of you frustrated by all the recent successes I cover being of Ivy League pedigree (it seems like every other pro writer I review these days graduated from Harvard), you’ll be happy to hear that MacFarlane (whose fortune is measured at 150 million dollars over at Celebrity Net Worth) slummed it up at the Rhode Island School of Design before moving to Hollywood. Hey, if someone from Rhode Island can make it here, anybody can.
Writers: Seth MacFarlane and Alec Sulkin & Wellesley Wild
Details: 125 pages (1st draft)

I’ll be the first to admit, I did not think Ted was going to be a hit. Only afterwards did I realize the power of Seth MacFaralane, the multi-talented cartoonist, host, comedian, and now actor. It appears MacFarlane is now going the Trey Parker/Matt Stone route, evolving his cartoonist career into an acting one. Of course, that didn’t work out too well for the South Park duo (Baseketball was a jumbled mess of a concept that become too goofy for its own good, resulting in us never seeing Matt and Trey onscreen again), but MacFaralane has a 250 million dollar hit on his resume, which gives him a little more cache going into “West.”

That’s not to say all is swell in the land of this decision. MacFarlane looks really odd in the trailers, sort of like a wax museum character (the man never seems to have a hair out of place) set against a gaggle of much more authentic looking chess pieces. But I do have to give it to him as a writer-director. He’s come in to the movie space taking big risks (a talking teddy bear movie and a western comedy??), something no other comedy folks in Hollywood are really doing. You have to respect that. Let’s see what his latest script is all about.

It’s the olllllld West. 30-something Albert Stark is the world’s worst sheep herder. How bad? Occasionally his sheep will end up on the roof of his house. How that’s even possible, no one knows. Lucky for him, he’s got a hot girlfriend in Louise, even if she does treat him the way Kate treated Jon in Jon & Kate Plus 8. But after Albert backs down from a duel, Louise has had enough of his pussy ways and dumps him.

Bummed out, Albert tries to get back on the horse (apropos, since I think this is the era where that phrase was actually born!), but dating back in the Old West isn’t like dating today. Eager parents are pushing their 12 year-old daughters on you (which results in one of the most awkward dates you’ll ever see onscreen). Lucky for Albert, a sharp-tongued energetic woman named Anna arrives in town and the two immediately become friends. They decide to pretend to go out to make Louise jealous so Albert can get her back.

Unfortunately, Louise has moved on and is now dating the extremely arrogant town mustachier, a well-groomed fellow named Foy. As much as Albert would like to challenge old Foy, the reality is that he’s a coward. It’s why he lost Louise in the first place and it’s why he’ll never have a woman like her again. Not so, says Anna! She’ll teach him how to shoot, and that way he can duel against Foy and win back the girl of his dreams.

Oh, but there’s one last problem. Anna isn’t telling the whole truth. She’s married to the most ruthless gangster in all the land, and he’s on his way to town RIGHT NOW. The cowardly Albert will not only have to take down his nemesis, Foy, but also the Billy The Kid of his era. Will he be able to do it? And even if he does, can he still avoid one of the million other ways to die in the West? We shall see!

“Million Ways To Die” was surprisingly good, especially for a first draft (although “labeled” first drafts are always tricky to measure. It might mean it was the first draft given to the studio. But it could’ve been the 10th draft they worked on before that point). But here’s what I liked about this script, and it’s a lesson screenwriters everywhere should jot down.

“Million Ways to Die” allowed us to take comedy tropes we’ve seen a million times before, and make them fresh. Think about it. How many comedies have the main character getting dumped by his girlfriend within the first 15 pages? 8 billion? 20 trillion? A lot, right? Which is why they all feel so cliché and lame.

But how many WESTERNS have been made where the main character gets dumped by his girlfriend in the first 15 pages? Not many, right? Welcome to the beauty of changing up the time and setting of your story. You can use all those typical tropes we’ve seen a million times before, and they all come off as fresh and new.

When Anna enters the picture, we even get the, “Pretend to be together to get the ex-girlfriend back but actually fall in love with each other along the way” trope. God, am I sick of seeing that in garden-variety comedies. But here it feels unique and fun. Change the time and setting of your story and thousands of cliché jokes become available to you, because in this new setting, they don’t feel cliché anymore!

MacFarlane (and his co-writers) seem to understand character better this time around, too. Albert has a clear flaw – he’s a coward. And that flaw is constantly being challenged, allowing the writers to explore character. What I mean by that is, when you have a character flaw, you want to constantly give your character opportunities to overcome that flaw and fail (until the very end, of course). So MacFarlane will have a big bar fight break out – allowing Albert a chance to be brave, to fight. Instead he ducks out, still stuck in his cowardice ways.

We even have some dramatic irony working to strong effect here. We know Anna is a gangster’s wife. That he’s coming sooner or later. So we know this relationship, and Albert, are doomed! We’re just waiting for the shit to finally hit the fan. What’s great about this is how seamlessly it ties into Albert’s flaw. If he wants Anna at the end, he’s going to have to overcome his biggest weakness – his cowardice. He’ll have to defeat the most fearless villain to do it.

I think what surprised me most about “Million” is how much I cared. I will contend to the end that comedy stops being funny once you stop caring about the characters. You can write the most genius funny scene ever, but if we stopped giving a shit about your characters 30 minutes ago, you’ll be lucky if you get a chuckle out of us.

But let’s not be foolish. You still gotta bring the funny for a comedy to work, and MacFarlane does. Probably the best running gag was Edward, Albert’s best friend, who’s dating a whore at the local whorehouse. He’s in love with her despite her coming home every day regaling in her day’s work, some of the most raunchy, horrifying sexual experiences you can possibly imagine. I’m talking worse than anything you can find on the internet. And yet, because she and Edward are Christian, she doesn’t want to sleep together until they get married. When Edward suggests lying together one night (not doing anything, just lying in the same bed), she is beyond appalled. “We’re Christian!” she reminds him. And then also reminds him she has an anal appointment at 5:30.

I honestly have no idea how this movie is going to do. That’s the problem when someone takes a chance. You don’t have as much comparative data to work with to predict box office. Plus, Seth MacFarlane in a lead role is a total wildcard. Who knows how audiences are going to respond to that. What I can tell you is that this was a fun and surprisingly well-written screenplay.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The flaw you give your main character doesn’t have to be inventive. Flaws are often simple universal traits we’re all familiar with. One of the best ways to come up with a flaw is to identify your setting and look for a flaw that seems logical to explore within that setting. The West was big on machismo. So it makes sense to explore a cowardly hero. If I were to write a movie about the financial world, my main character’s flaw would probably be associated with greed. If I were to write a movie about racism, my main character’s flaw might have something to do with ignorance. It’s almost too simple, but that’s how flaws work.

Genre: Crime/Period
Premise: The 1970s-set true story of a con-artist, who was forced to work with a federal agent to turn the tables on other cons, mobsters, and politicians – namely, the volatile mayor of Camden, New Jersey.
About: I reviewed this script back in April in my newsletter.  Since I’m gearing up for a big 2014, I haven’t had time to put many new posts together.  Hence this is a re-post of that review.  I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I will soon, and I’m interested to see what they changed.  This draft (aggressively titled “American Bullshit”) was written by Eric Warren Singer.  Since then, David O. Russell (who also directs the film) rewrote it.  Singer made his mark over a decade ago when he sold a wild screenplay titled “The Sky Is Falling” that had all of Hollywood a-buzz.  He then went ten more years (selling a few more screenplays) before one of his scripts, The International, was produced.  Singer’s got a pretty interesting backstory worth checking out.
Writer: Eric Warren Singer (based on a true story)
Details: 133 pages – 9/2/10 draft

Okay, let’s get to the important stuff right off the bat. Bradley Cooper is dating a 20 year old?? And her name is Suki Waterhouse?? What’s up with that?? Didn’t Cooper blow off his Silver Linings Playbook co-star, Jennifer Lawrence, because she was “too young”? Well Bradley, she was 22. Which is two years older than your current girlfriend. And Suki Waterhouse? That name is only cool if you’re a movie star. Not cool otherwise.

Now what were we talking about? Oh yeah, David O Russell’s next project. Looks like we’re going back to the 70s for this one. Russell’s been playing with tiny budgets for 15 years now. I guess when you get two actors Academy Awards though, and your last two “artsy” movies made over 250 million dollars, the studio’s willing to open up the offers. Hence, we get a big grand period piece.

Russell’s taking on a tough genre though – the crime flick. The only one who makes consistent money in this genre is Scorsese. You saw what happened when they gave a non-Scorsese the reigns to one of these films (Gangster Squad). It landed like a piano being dropped from a tenth story Manhattan apartment. So there’s an inherent risk there. Now, personally, I didn’t think the script to Gangster Squad was all that. When you’re writing a crime flick, it’s gotta have some BITE. It’s gotta have tough scary guys pulling the strings, the kind of guys who make you wet your pants with a glance. Gangster Squad didn’t have that. American Bullshit does.

It’s 1979 and Mel Weinberg (Christian Bale) is living the life. The LYING life. Mel is a professional bullshitter. And lucky for him, he lived in a time where you could make a living bullshitting. There was no Google to do a quick background check. People had to take you at your word. And if you were a fast-talker, charming, and you knew how to smile at just the right time, you could convince a lot of people to do things that they didn’t want to do.

What Mel does for a living is a little complicated. Basically, he gets people to invest money in companies that don’t exist. By the time these investors find out these companies don’t exist, Mel and his partner/lover Maxine (Jennifer Lawrence) are long gone. This works out for him for awhile, but eventually the FBI catch on to what he’s doing and shake him down.

They give him a choice. You can either go to jail, or help us take down some other guys – guys doing the same thing you are. Mel’s first instinct is to go to jail, but when they threaten to throw Maxine in the slammer too, he changes his mind. Fine, he’s in. The catch is, he doesn’t get to work alone. FBI Special Agent James Boyle (Bradley Cooper) will have to work with him every step of the way.

Here’s where things get fun. In order to take down the FBI’s primary target, an influential New Jersey mayor who has his dirty hands in all the Atlantic City casinos, they have to create the kind of pretend investor that would attract him. So they build up this fake Arabian Sheikh who’s willing to throw hundreds of millions of dollars at Atlantic City. The plan ends up working, but a little TOO well.

When rumor spreads that a Sheikh is going to be dumping money into every building with a slot machine in it, everybody wants a piece. But one of those folks sticks out a little more than the others. Arthur Zelnick. Zelnick is the top dog. He controls Atlantic City. Nobody makes money in this town unless he’s taking most of it. If this Sheikh wants to play, he’s going to need to play through Zelnick.

But that’s not the best part. Zelnick is able to operate because he’s paying off congressmen and senators. All of a sudden, the FBI realizes that they’re no longer going after a bunch of nobodies. This could be one of the biggest government corruption busts in U.S. history. What started as a thin story about a fake Sheikh all of a sudden requires elaborate planning and backstory so that nobody suspects the ruse. And the puppet show will be constructed by the biggest bullshitter of them all, Mel.

I’m going to tell you why this script worked so well. STAKES. I don’t know why I keep forgetting how important stakes are. But if you use them wisely, they can make any story interesting. The key is to keep raising them as the story goes on. So at any moment in the script, the pressure and intensity are twice as high as they were 15 pages prior. That’s especially important for crime movies cause what’s the point of a crime movie if the problem isn’t getting more dangerous as the story goes on?

First it’s Mel trying to survive on his own. Then he gets caught. Then he’s told they have to take down 5 small fries. One of those guys leads them to the mayor. Then a couple of bigger guys want the action. Then Zelnick wants the action. If Mel gets caught at the beginning, he gets a black eye. If he gets caught in the middle, he’s going to jail. If Zelnick finds out he’s a sham, he’s dead. Plain and simple. So when we get to that point, we FEEL the enormity of the moment. Mel has EVERYTHING to lose. That’s how you know if your stakes are high enough. How much does your character have to lose if he fails?

The big problem with the script is the female roles. They’re terrible. It’s as if Singer’s never met a woman before. Maxine is a total waste. She has one or two scenes where her and Max have heartfelt conversations but that’s it. Now that I think about it, she just disappears from the last third of the story. I don’t even remember her.

Strangely enough, Mel is married in the story. So you’re thinking that sooner or later he’ll have to make a choice between the two women. Or there’s going to be a confrontation between them. Or his wife is going to find out about Maxine. Anything so that the conflict from that personal part of his life will play into the story. But nothing like that ever happens. It’s so bizarre. I’m guessing that they’re totally rewriting this part for Jennifer Lawrence. Russell’s pretty good at writing female characters so I’m sure he’ll take care of it.

It’s weird. Whenever I see an amateur tackle one of these scripts, it’s a disaster. There are tons of characters and no direction. So when I read something like American Bullshit, where the storytelling is so effortless, it’s a little deceiving, because it tricks you into thinking it’s easy. It’s not. Singer was smart in that he laid out the goal very clearly: We’re using you, Mel, to take down the bad guys. I mean, that’s the story right there. And it worked. This was a good script!

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: This complex subject matter (crime, period piece, lots of characters) makes writers think that they have to live up to a certain complexity with their story. But some of the best crime films are really simple, like this one. I mean, the narrative basically amounts to “Good guys go after bad guys.” I think this can be applied to any genre. No matter how big your story is, always ask yourself if you can plot it simply.

It’s Thanksgiving so what better movie to extract 10 screenwriting tips from than “Planes, Trains and Automobiles!” Okay so there weren’t a lot of movies to choose from (it was either this or Pauly Shore’s “Son In Law”). Still, any time I get to break down a John Hughes script, I’m a happy man. The thing about Hughes is that he came from a marketing background. So he understood the fact that people have short attention spans. They don’t like to be confused. And they like to understand what they’re getting into. Which is why he kept all of his films easy to understand and, therefore, easy to market. The road trip film is a cinema staple. But its biggest strength (the fact that it’s so simple) is also it’s biggest weakness (it’s hard to make unique). Still, at its core, these kinds of films were built for screenwriters. The road trip angle gives the script a clear goal and forward momentum, and the contrasting personalities gives the script natural conflict. All you have to do is come up with a few interesting characters and scenarios we haven’t seen before. From what I hear, Hughes shot a TON of footage to ensure just that (twice the industry average actually) and there’s rumored to be a 3 hour cut of Planes, Trains and Automobiles somewhere in the Paramount film vault (this cut is 90 minutes). I live about four blocks from Paramount so maybe I’ll head over there before the big turkey day and see if I can find it.

1) If you don’t have a ticking time bomb in your road trip movie, you probably don’t have a road trip movie – If your characters are heading to a destination in your script, they should need to get there by a certain time. And it should constantly look like they’re not going to make it. Here, of course, our characters are trying to get home by Thanksgiving.

2) Look for the visual jokes in these movies – Writers get caught up in the humorous back and forth between their characters when they write road trip movies. It’s all about the dialogue between the leads. But remember, the visual jokes tend to be the ones that hit the hardest. There’s no better laugh in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” than when Steve Martin finishes his shower only to see that John Candy’s used all the towels and the only dry one left is a tiny washcloth. Never underestimate the power of visual jokes that are just WAITING to be found.

3) The idiot shouldn’t think he’s an idiot – With Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis films becoming so popular, self-aware comedy has become huge. But remember it’s not the only way. Some of the funniest characters are the characters who have no idea that they’re grating, that they’re smothering, that they’re annoying, that they’re rude. The idiot shouldn’t always think he’s an idiot. He should think he’s the smart charming guy. That’s what makes John Candy’s Del Griffith so memorable. He has no idea how annoying he is.

4) If characters are stuck together, they better really be stuck together – What drives me craaaaazy in these scripts is when writers keep their characters together for no logical reason at all. If there’s a moment where characters would logically split up, you either have to come up with a believable reason why they don’t or you should split them up (and reunite them later somehow). That’s what happens here. They finish the bus ride and, during lunch, Steve Martin just says, hey, there’s no reason for us to be together anymore. And they go their separate ways.

5) The two things a buddy road-trip movie MUST have – When you write these movies, there are two things you must adhere to. Assuming, of course, you already have two characters with friction between them, the first is that things need to KEEP GETTING WORSE for these characters. At first it’s the plane being diverted to a different airport. But later it’s getting robbed. Later still it’s blowing up a car. And the second is that the IRRITANT character needs to KEEP GETTING MORE IRRITATING. At first John Candy’s just leaning on your shoulder on the plane. But later he’s sleeping on you with his hands between your legs. And later still, he almost kills you by slipping your car between two semis.

6) Give your comedy more leeway by avoiding caricatures – I learned this one from critic Leonard Maltin. He noted that the reason this movie’s occasional slapstick scene (them nearly crashing into two semis) didn’t disrupt the film’s more serious tone, is because neither main character was a caricature. They both had real goals, real lives, real backstory, real emotions, real frustrations. They were genuine. And because we believed them as people, we bought into the sillier parts of their adventure. Had they been hamming it up for the screen and thinly drawn and “caricatures” of real people, the movie would’ve quickly devolved into empty nonsense during those sillier moments.

7) Caricatures work great for one-scene characters though – One place to go wild with caricatures, however, is with one-scene characters. These guys don’t need to be deep, so you can have fun with them. Owen the redneck Truck Driver (“My wife’s so strong her baby came out sideways and she didn’t even scream”) is a great example.

8) If your story’s fast, write fast – This is by no means a hard and fast rule. Every writer should develop a method that works for them. But there’s something to be said for writing fast when your story’s time frame is fast. This story takes place over three days and John Hughes wrote it in three days. There’s something about the energy you write with when you’re writing fast that matches the energy of a fast story. Keep in mind, though, that Hughes routinely does 20 drafts AFTER his first draft.

9) Write that scene an actor is going to love – Steve Martin, who was really hot at the time of this movie, said he signed on because of two scenes. The scene where he curses out the car rental attendant with 18 “fucks” in one minute, and the “seat-adjustment” scene in the car. You have to be thinking of your actors when you write because actors are the number one element for getting your script purchased. What scenes in YOUR script will an actor be dying to play?

10) Write the dramatic version of your comedy first – Again, I don’t think every comedy should be written this way, but I know Judd Apatow does it a lot (and tells all his writing disciples to do as well). To make sure the emotional beats are there, the reality is there, and the characters are authentic, write the DRAMATIC version of your comedy first. Then, as you rewrite, start looking for and adding jokes. Although I have zero evidence to indicate this is how “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” was written, it sure feels like the kind of movie that could’ve been written that way.

This is your chance to discuss the week’s amateur scripts, offered originally in the Scriptshadow newsletter. The primary goal for this discussion is to find out which script(s) is the best candidate for a future Amateur Friday review. The secondary goal is to keep things positive in the comments with constructive criticism.

Below are the scripts up for review, along with the download links. Want to receive the scripts early? Head over to the Contact page, e-mail us, and “Opt In” to the newsletter.

Happy reading!

TITLE: Echovault
GENRE: Contained Sci-Fi Thriller
LOGLINE: When an elite team of Allied forces assault a top secret research facility, they become trapped underground with a sadistic Nazi Colonel and a mysterious Machine which allows him to switch bodies, turning the team against one another as they desperately try to survive.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ: “Echovault is a contained thriller with a strong hook, interesting characters ,and edge of your seat twists: the perfect low budget script to get two blokes from Australia noticed. We are a writing partnership from downunder and believe being featured on Scriptshadow would be great exposure, as well as a means to get extra notes from the Scriptshadow community. Please don’t hold back; we’ve been bred tough, boxing kangaroos and wrestling crocodiles, so go ahead and throw us to the Scriptshadow wolves.”

TITLE: THE SUPERNATURAL
GENRE: Mystery Suspense
LOGLINE: When a group of reality show ghost hunters films their latest episode on a haunted ship, they’ll find more than they bargained for and now must uncover the ship’s checkered past to find a way for all to get out alive.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ: “After placing in high percentages in all of the competitions known to man (including as a finalist – top 8 scripts – in a fairly well known competition) the one comment I’d receive over and over and over again was, “this is great writing, but it’s just not commercial writing.” With all of the conversation on internet writing forums about “what to write” or “do you write what you love or what will sell” or “can you be discovered writing something that isn’t commercial” I set out to do something completely different than anything else I’d written in the past, focusing mainly on the commercial aspect of the script (because essentially my experience had taught me, a great script that isn’t commercial is likely to get you less along the path than a not so great script that is). Of course, that was just my experience and obviously a topic of great debate among many. A topic, not likely to be settled any time soon.

Thus, I set out to do something simplistic with “mass appeal” on a light PG-13 basis, shot in just about a singular location, with mystery, suspense, and a little fright built in (an obvious focal point on the trailer). Given the interest in “ghost-themed” reality shows (and the obvious success of Paranormal Activity), I thought this would be a good place to start, but of course, I don’t believe in this stuff, so I thought what a great protag to have leading this “show”. Someone who doesn’t believe in what he’s doing, is doing it for a specific reason that has nothing to do with ghosts and ultimately must face down what he doesn’t believe in order to survive and save the day.

I’m interested in people’s reactions to something like this, where a writer chooses to cognitively go after the commercial aspect of a topic, and build it from the ground up with all of the aforementioned in mind, rather than just “writing what I love.”

TITLE: Afterworld
GENRE: Action/sci-fi
LOGLINE: An Allied World War II squad travels back in time to Ancient Egypt, where they must help the pharaoh defeat a supernatural army that threatens to destroy his kingdom.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ: “AFTERWORLD made the rounds at Paramount in 2011 but was rejected because they were working on a similar idea. It made the Semifinals in the 2013 Bluecat Screenplay Competition and has been described by a Blacklist reviewer as, “a well-written and well-conceived story/script that is plenty commercial.” The full script and first ten pages are attached.”

TITLE: Against Time
GENRE: Action/Sci-Fi
LOGLINE: To land the job of his dreams, a low-level security guard joins a ragtag team in an attempt to rescue a kidnapped scientist. But to do so, they must take an experimental drug that reverses time.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ: “A couple of months ago, you wrote an article about PDA (Producer, Director, Actor), and I believe that Against Time is a great project for all of them. Its action sequences happen in a backward world, making it incredibly visual — a director’s wet dream. It only takes two seconds in a trailer to stun the audience, and the story is both compelling and simple, making it very easy to market. Also, it has “franchise” written all over it, which is something every producer is looking for. And for the actor we have a main character who goes from a good-natured low-level security guard to “chosen one” — a little like The Matrix, but with some twists.”

TITLE: Coldwater Canyon
GENRE: Modern Film Noir
LOGLINE: A hard drinking, divorced homicide detective investigates the murder of the son of his older brother, who hasn’t spoken to him in years, and ends up learning some shattering truths.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ: “I think you should review my script because a modern film noir seems like something you don’t normally review on amateur Friday. And…it’s got HARD BOILED DETECTIVES! GUNS! DOUBLE CROSSING DAMES! DIRTY COPS! STRIPPERS! and MORE!

Also, I’ve sent this out to people I know and have gotten good feedback, but I feel like people are being too nice. From personal experience, I know it can be tough to be completely honest and critical about a friend’s work, and I know that you won’t hold back and will tear my screenplay apart, which is what I need.”