A couple weeks back I got the idea for a Reader Top 25 – a sort of definitive word on the best screenplays that hadn’t yet made it to the big screen. Would the choices reflect my own favorites? Would they be completely different? Well obviously, for a lot of you, this is your only source to read screenplays, so your Top 25 consists mainly of scripts I’ve reviewed on the site. However, there are quite a few that made their way onto the list that I haven’t even read, so that was surprising.

Over 400 of you wrote in with your Top 10 favorite reads. The way I scored it was simple. I assigned 10 points to every number 1 choice. 9 points to every number 2. 8 points to every number 3. And all the way down to 1 point for a 10th place choice. I then added up all the numbers, and ranked the scripts by total points. Below you’ll find the script ranking, along with the point total and premise. If there’s a review, I’ll link you to it. Since I’ve already posted scripts 1-25, today I’ll post the ten (or eleven) scripts that *just* missed the cut. If you’d like to see the Top 10 scripts not reviewed on the site, go here. Otherwise, onward…

Before we get to the Top 25, these 11 scripts just barely missed the cut…

35. (155 pts) Seven Psychopaths by Martin McDonagh – Black Comedy – Reviewed by Roger – A writer’s life is violently turned upside down when his friends kidnap a Mafioso’s dog.

34. (160 pts) Nowhere Boy by Julia Baird – Drama – Not Reviewed – A chronicle of John Lennon’s childhood.

33. (162 pts) Tenure by Mike Million – Dramedy – Reviewed by Me – A professor at a small liberal arts college finds his entire future depends on whether he achieves tenure.

32. (169 pts) Will by Demetri Martin – Comedy – Reviewed by Me – Set in a world where people’s lives are written by angels, a guy wakes up one day to find that his heavenly writer has quit, and must go about his life unscripted.

31. (171 pts) Brad Cutter Ruined My Life Again by Joe Nussbaum – Comedy – Reviewed by me – A former high school nerd who’s finally achieved success in the world, finds out that his company is hiring the most popular kid from his old school. Before he knows it, the company turns into its own high school, and once again, he’s the nerd.

30. (174 pts) Prisoners by Aaron Guzikowski – Thriller – Reviewed but taken down – A Boston man kidnaps the person he suspects is behind the disappearance of his young daughter and her best friend.

29. (175 pts) The Only Living Boy In New York by Alan Loeb – Coming-Of-Age – Reviewed by Me – Coming-of-age tale about a young man who falls in love with his father’s mistress.

28. (178 pts) Happy Thank You More Please by Josh Radnor – Coming-Of-Age – Reviewed by Me – This coming-of-age tale follows six lives in modern day New York, highlighted by a 20-something aspiring novelist who accidentally adopts a 6 year old African American child.

27. Tie (183 pts) Dead Loss by Josh Baizer and Marshall Johnson – Thriller – Reviewed by Me – A crew of crab fisherman rescue a drifting castaway with a mysterious cargo.

27. Tie (183 pts) The True Memoirs Of An International Assassin by Jeff Morris – Comedy – Reviewed by Me – After a publisher changes a writer’s debut novel about a deadly assassin from fiction to nonfiction, the author finds himself thrust into the world of his lead character, and must take on the role of his character for his own survival.

26. (186 pts) Passengers by John Spaihts – Sci-Fi – Reviewed by Me – A spacecraft transporting thousands of people to a distant planet has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. As a result, a single passenger is awakened 90 years before anyone else. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he wakes up a second passenger who he’s fallen in love with. (note: There is a degree of error that should be taken into account between this and the other Passengers, as some people did not clarify which one they were voting for. I tried to get confirmation from as many people as I could, but there are still probably points mixed up between the two).

And now for the Top 25!

25. (189 pts) Nightfall by Michael Stokes – Horror – Reviewed by Tarson Meads – Two US mercenaries become involved in a brazen plot to kidnap a beautiful and seductive socialite. However, they soon realize the girl they’ve snatched is an ancient Vampire queen, and her legion is out to get her back.

24. (213 pts) Aaron and Sara by Chad Gomez Creasy and Dara Resnik Creasy – RomCom – Reviewed by Me – Described as a “High School When Harry Met Sally,” Aaron and Sara is about a nerd and a cheerleader who become best friends during their four years of high school.

23. (218 pts) Fuckbuddies by Liz Meriwether – RomCom – Reviewed by Zack Smith – A guy and a girl struggle to have an exclusively sexual relationship as they both come to realize they want much more.

22. (229 pts) Galahad by Ryan Condal – Historical Adventure – Not reviewed – A revisionist take on the tale of King Arthur, which finds the fabled leader murdered by Queen Guinevere, who in turn framed Sir Galahad for the crime.

21. (234 pts) Famous Last Words by Josh Schwartz – Coming Of Age – Reviewed on Matriarchal Script Paradigm -A teen embarks on a new life at a private school where he experiences love, life, loss, friends, and more.

20. (237 pts) To The White Sea by The Coen Brothers – Historical Drama/Action – Not reviewed – His bomber hit by anti-aircraft fire, an American gunner must parachute into Tokyo days before the great firebomb raid on the city.

19. (245 pts) Going The Distance by Geoff LaTulippe – Comedy – Not reviewed – A comedy about a couple trying to overcome that most difficult of hurdles: the long-distance relationship.

18. (250 pts) Kristy by Anthony Jawinski – Horror/Thriller – Reviewed by Tarson Meads – In the vein of THE STRANGERS. A student trapped on a deserted college campus comes under attack by a malevolent group of intruders.

17. (259 pts) The Ornate Anatomy Of Living Things by Matt Spicer & Max Winkler – Drama – Not Reviewed – A New York bookstore clerk discovers a museum dedicated entirely to his life.

16. (287 pts) Up In The Air by Jason Reitman – Drama – Reviewed by Me – A professional who specializes in “career transition counseling” is on the verge of accumulating 5 million frequent flier miles.

15. (343 pts) Winter’s Discontent by Paul Fruchbom – Comedy – Not Reviewed – A sexually frustrated widower moves into a retirement community with one objective in mind: to get laid.

14. (352 pts) The Beaver by Kyle Killen – Black Comedy – Reviewed by Scott and I – A manic depressive family man finds a beaver puppet in his garbage. When he puts it on, his life takes a dramatic turn for the better. Or does it?

13. (353 pts) The Many Deaths Of Barnaby James by Brian Nathanson – Horror/Dark Fantasy – Reviewed by Roger – A teenage apprentice in a macabre circus for the dead yearns to bring his true love back to life, but not before encountering the many dangerous and gothic characters that stand in his way.

12. (374 pts) I Want To ____ Your Sister by Melissa Stack – Comedy – Not Reviewed – A stock trader’s hot younger sister takes an entry level position at his work. Now he must fight off all the men who desperately want to ____ his sister.

11. (406 pts) Sunflower by Misha Green – Thriller – Reviewed by Me – Two women are held hostage in a prison-like farmhouse.

10. (418 pts) Passengers by G.J. Pruss – Sci-Fi – Reviewed by Me – Microscopic proteins/aliens ride human beings as passengers for their own personal enjoyment.

9. (433 pts) Buried by Chris Sparling – Thriller – Reviewed by Me – A man wakes up in a coffin with no idea how he got there.

8. (476 pts) Everything Must Go by Dan Rush – Black Comedy – Not Reviewed – A recently fired man finds himself locked out of his own house by his estranged wife, his furniture and things left outside. With nowhere to go, he sets up and starts living on his front lawn.

7. (480 pts) Salt by Kurt Wimmer – Action – Reviewed by Me – A CIA agent discovers there’s a Russian spy deep inside the organization.

6. (518 pts) The Brigands Of Rattleborge by Craig S. Zahler – Western – Not Reviewed – Set in the days of the old West, a sheriff and a doctor seek revenge against three ruthless thugs who robbed them and terrorized the town.

5. (525 pts) Killing On Carnival Row by Travis Beacham – Horror – Reviewed by Roger – In the city of The Burgue, a police inspector pursues a serial killer who is targeting fairies.

4. (567 pts) The F Word by Elan Mastai – Comedy – Not Reviewed – A young man and woman try to stay friends after developing intense feelings for one another.

3. (602 pts) The Dogs Of Babel by Jamie Linden – Drama – Reviewed by Me – When a dog is the only witness to a woman’s death, her husband tries to teach the dog how to talk so he can find out what happened to her.

2. (689 pts) The Social Network by Aaron Sorkin – Drama/Bio – Reviewed by Me – A look at the rise of Facebook and the effect it’s had on its founders.

1. (1435 pts) Source Code by Ben Ripley – Sci-Fi – Reviewed by Me – A man wakes up on a train that is being targeted by terrorists, a train that has already blown up hours ago.

My thoughts on The List!
No, that is not a misprint. Source Code received more than twice as many points as the number two script on the list. So pumped to see that because the movie desperately needs to be made. It’s just an awesome script.

Not surprised about The Social Network. An awesome unique script. Not to mention it seems like every writer out there admires Sorkin’s work. A big surprise to me is The F Word. I love that script but figured the concept was a little too simple for some. Glad a lot of people out there liked it as much as I did.

Another surprise for me is The Ornate Anatomy of Living Things. I thought I’d be the lone guy holding the torch on that one. Thought it might be too obscure for others’ tastes. So it was satisfying to see you guys respond to it. Not surprised to see Salt and Buried in the Top 10. Both are edge-of-your-seat thrillers that leave a big impression. Glad to see Everything Must Go in the Top 10. Such an odd story, I thought it would fare worse. Nice to know others dug it.

I Want To ____ Your Sister sorta surprised me. I like the script but I can’t help thinking that if it would’ve been titled something like, “Me and Sis” that it wouldn’t be so high on mine or your lists. Never have I seen a script so dependent on its title. Of the ones I haven’t read, I think I’m going to give “To The White Sea” and “The Many Deaths Of Barnaby James” a read. Neither is up my alley, but you guys seemed so passionate about them that I have no choice but to check them out.

Finally, the biggest shock and the choice that makes me the happiest, is Dogs Of Babel. When I put that script in my Top 25, I thought you guys would think I was crazy. It’s a straight drama. It’s a tearjerker. I figured, “Well, I know I love this script. But is everybody going to think I’m nuts?” So to see that you came out in droves to not only support the choice, but elevate it, makes me ecstatic. I actually talked with the writer, Jamie, recently, and he said to me he doesn’t think it will ever get made. That it’s too weird and not mainstream enough. I told him, “There’s no doubt this will get made. It’s too good of a script.” Now that you guys have proved that there’s an audience for the material, maybe they’ll realize they have something special and get the ball rolling.

This was a great exercise. Discuss the entire list below! :)

Genre: Period Romance
Premise: Set (I think) in early 20th Century Paris, a penniless journalist worms his way into the city’s upper crust, seducing all the ladies in his path.
About: Robert Pattinson is in it. What more do you need to know?
Writer: Rachel Bennette (based off the short story by Guy de Maupassant)

Oh R_Patz. Where art thou R_Patz? What the *hell* are you doing R_Patz?? Did you even read the script you signed up for? No you didn’t, did you. You so did not read it. But you were interested in making this movie R_Patz weren’t you? Yes you were. You were interested in making this movie because the coverage said you’d be spending the majority of the 120 minutes banging three of the hottest actresses in Hollywood. Yes you were R_Patz. Don’t you lie to me Mr. Sharp Fangs. We both know the truth. Because here you were Mr. Twilight Vampire Man thinking you would get the pick of the litter. Three sultry celebrities you could take back to your coffin every night after filming. Real sex after fake sex. Menage et quatro. Be honest with me R_Patz. That’s why you signed up for this movie, isn’t it?

Well because you didn’t read the script, let me break it down for you. Your character, Georges, is a bit of a low life. He’s slumming it up in Paris circa sometime-a-long-time ago (the author chose not to disclose the actual year because she hates me). Apparently Georges used to be a soldier, but the only thing he fights now are the gargantuan cockroaches that try to share a blanket with him in his tiny attic apartment.

Low and behold though, wouldn’t it be Georges Porgies luck that he runs into an old friend while trying to spend his last two shillings on a low-class whore. The friend, Charles, has since become very rich, running his own newspaper, The Parisian. Charles offers George a job at the paper, despite the fact that Georges has never written anything in his entire life.

The job and Charles’ friendship allow him a tiny opening into Paris’ upper crust, which he exploits to the nth degree. You see Charles’ and his two best buddies just happen to be married to the three most beautiful women in France. There’s Madeline, Charles’ impeccably smart and beautiful wife. There’s Clotilde, the slutty one. And then there’s Luc Rousset, the innocent Redhead. I think we all know where this is going, right?

Yes, Georges begins to seduce the women one-by-one with varying degrees of success. He starts off with Madeline, who he has the strongest connection to, but she thwarts his advances and claims, “I will never be your lover.” So he moves on to the easiest target, Clotilde, who is so slutified that she actually buys the two a bang bungalow, a special place exclusively for their daily bang. But this is not enough for Georges. He craves excess. And when Charles succumbs to some distant cousin of the Bubonic Plauge (an early version of swine flu maybe?) Georges swoops in and marries his true love, Madeline.

Oh but if it were that easy. After marrying Madeline, he learns that she just isn’t that interested in him. In fact, she pulls out the virtual chastity belt and basically tells him “You do your thing, I’ll do mine.” So what does Georges do in return? What do you think he does! He makes a move on Luc Rousset (who’s a woman – I know, it’s confusing) and starts a dangerous fling in the bang bungalow that Clotilde bought specifically for them. If there was a Renaissance version of Cheaters, this shit would be ripe for the season finale.

Because Georges is a moron, he doesn’t realize that you never cheat on anyone with a girl with red hair! Because when a red hair shows up in your bed, you can’t explain it away. “Uhh, maybe your hair is turning red?” Doesn’t work. I’ve tried it. So Clotilde leaves him. He leaves Luc Rousset. And Madeline won’t even return any of his texts. Is this Bel Ami or The Real Housewives of Atlanta?

Anyway, Georges ends up just as poor and helpless as where he started in the movie, before making a last-second power play and marrying Luc Rousset’s daughter of all people (who up til this point hadn’t even spoken a line). It was such a bizarre turn of events I sent my life size poster of Robert Pattinson to the closet for a time out. Luc Rousset plays the least important role of the three ladies, so what they were trying to say by having Georges marry her daughter is a complete mystery to me.

There were some good moments tucked into Bel Ami. The relationship between R_Patz and Madeline was interesting, as she tended to treat him like he treated everyone else. But outside of that, this felt like a salacious excuse for a bunch of smelly French sex.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: All joking aside, if you have an unmarketable screenplay, try to target actors who like taking chances. Very few A-list actors would take on a role like this and therefore Bel Ami was destined to wither in screenplay obscurity. But Pattinson seems interested in trying new things (he’s also playing a Cherokee Indian in Unbound Captives) so a script like Bel Ami is something he might actually read. The owners of the material took a chance and it paid off. As writers, you’re always looking to add to the “package” of your screenplay with actors and directors. Even if you have a slow non-mainstream piece, if you’ve done your homework and know a few actors who might be interested in your offbeat independent film (Dicaprio with The Low Dweller, Pattinson with Unbound Captives, Nicolas Cage with Leaving Las Vegas), you might find your script going from unwanted to the hottest screenplay in town. Now getting to those actors is another thing altogether. But it’s another avenue to pursue.

p.s. If you’d like to read about a much better Robert Pattinson project, go here.

EDIT – FURTHER THOUGHTS ON BEL AMI: So I’m kind of getting deluged with e-mails from Twilight fans saying I didn’t give the script a fair chance and that I was snooty in my review. They also want more details. So let me say a couple more things.

The thing I liked best about the script was the character of Madeline. She informs Georges from the beginning of their marriage that he can never question her, and cannot be jealous. She is her own woman and expects to be treated as such. Within weeks Georges begins coming home to suspicious visits by an older man named The Comte. It doesn’t take George long to start suspecting that something’s going on between The Comte and his wife. But a healthy dose of denial convinces him his wife can’t possibly be interested in this old bag of bone. Madeline’s icy response to his desperate attempts at closeness finally level the playing field of a man who’s been playing by his own rules without consequences. As they’re both pretty despicable people, watching their marriage deteriorate is quite fun.

The character of Luc Rousset is also quite funny, as she clings desperately to Georges after even a whisper of an interest from him. As he has sex with her the first time, she screams out, “I love you! I love you! I love you!” over and over again. Man, and I thought my ex was clingy. When his world starts crumbling around him, he literally kicks Luc Rousset to the curb, telling her she makes him sick and that he never even had the slightest interest in her. To add insult to injury, he ends up marrying her daughter.

There’s also an uninteresting sub-plot about the men at The Parisian taking advantage of France’s invasion of Morocco – buying up a lot of businesses so that when the country officially becomes theirs, they’ll all be rich. They purposefully exclude Georges from the club, ensuring that he’ll end up with nothing, which he becomes extremely angry about – despite the fact that he’s been fucking all their wives behind their backs.

A few people have asked me about the dialogue. I have a very simple philosophy about dialogue. Unless we’re talking comedy, the more invisible the dialogue, the better. The only time I notice dialogue is when it’s really atrocious or really over-the-top. I dislike both. When dialogue flows with the story organically, it should feel like real people talking, and in that sense, Bel Ami does a good job. The dialogue was smooth and realistic, even with the extravagances the script sometimes took.

If you have questions, please ask in the comments section instead of e-mailing me as that way, future readers can have their questions answered as well.

Today’s review brings back the dark angel of death himself, Tarson Meads. If you’re always complaining that Scriptshadow only reviews the fluffier fare, well then do I have a blog for you. Tarson not only likes the darkness. He thrives in it. Though I’ve never actually been inside, I’ve been told he redecorated his basement to look like the basement from Silence Of The Lambs. Anyway, if you enjoy Tarson’s dark sensibility, then head over to his blog afterwards and explore your inner evil. Here’s his review of Uprising by David Twohy, which sounds like something I’ll have to check out. I loved Pitch Black. The script is almost a perfect example of how to craft a sci-fi action screenplay. But man, that sequel was abysmal. And don’t get me started on “Below,” that weird submarine flick he directed. Talk about all over the place. Still, when David Twohy does sci-fi, I pay attention.

Genre: Sci-Fi/Action/Thriller
Premise: The story revolves around the resistance efforts of some citizens after Earth has been occupied by a powerful alien race.
About: Variety has confirmed that Wolfgang Petersen will be directing Uprising for Columbia Pictures, with Douglas Wick and Lucy Fisher producing through their Sony-based Red Wagon shingle. Like most scripts, this seems to have been rewritten quite a bit. Before Twohy was involved, William Broyles Jr. wrote a strong draft as well.
Writer: David Twohy

David Twohy is a man I admire. He’s fantastic writer, and he certainly knows his way around a camera too. He’s responsible for the cult Sci-Fi/Actioner, Pitch Black, which spawned a movie sequel and two critically acclaimed video games, based on the adventures of Riddick, and funnily enough, was one of the writers hired for Waterworld. He’s had a diverse career, peppered with flops and successes, and he’s written everything from GI-Jane to Critters 2: The Main Course. So when Uprising arrived in my inbox with a chime, I was excited. After all, this was being pitched as “The Great Escape” with aliens. I mean, come on, that just spells cool with a capital “C.”

I’ll gladly confess I’m partial to the odd alien invasion story. I think there’s something that’s both fascinating and intriguing about them, almost on a primal level. It’s a universal theme. Everyone on earth can relate to it. It asks one of the biggest questions: are we alone? The idea of being invaded by forces far more advanced than us, has thrilled generations for over a century, and when you boil it all down, it’s just great entertainment. War of The Worlds might still resonate with today’s Facebook generation, but I’m waiting for the day when I read a solid script that tackles the UFO subject, without being campy, spoofish or prudish.

Anyway, on with the show.

Some of you may have noticed lately, there’s been an increasing trend, both in novels, comics and yes, even screenplays, which explore life on earth, post alien invasion. Anthony Peckham’s spec “No Man’s Land” was an honorable effort, even garnering some votes on 2007’s Black List, but since that script, there’s really been nothing of interest, or of significance in the alien invasion genre. At least not to my knowledge, screenplay wise.

That is until, Uprising.

I’m happy to report, the script is extremely good. Twohy just wipes the floor with this. He’s managed to not only write a compelling story, but do it with such imagination; it honestly makes me wonder why I bother trying to be a screenwriter, when this guy is just so good. Uprising clocks in at 136 pages. Now for the jaded reader out there, that’s bad news. But I can’t tell you how long it’s been where a script has grabbed me from start till finish. Some scripts take me days, even weeks to trawl through, but this was sheer entertainment.

The story takes place in and around a human POW camp, where a brutal alien race, called the Druuben, have conquered earth. There’s no military, no Government, just the Druuben. They now run earth, and it’s not a pretty sight. Those who are lucky enough to avoid the camps, dwell in complete squalor. There’s human life, but it’s the pits, man. Basic services are next to non-existent, and humanity is being forced to live the Druuben way. They are here to rebuild earth in their image. Kids are even being forced to learn the Druuben tongue.

It’s clear Twohy invested a lot of thought into designing the Druuben, and one of the things I loved about them, is that they’re not simply merciless overlords. They’ll indirectly bargain with humans, as long as it benefits their cause. Throughout the story, we catch glimpses of their social structure, their culture and their language, and it makes us hate them even more. It’s also clear; they’ve done this invading business many times before.

The Druuben themselves are only partially revealed to us in quick glimpses. Twohy teases us, and rightly so, because like our enslaved human brothers and sisters, we dare not look at them. Once revealed in full, the Druuben are shockingly grotesque and completely alien. For starters, they don’t have eyes. They see radio. That’s right, radio frequencies, which also explains how they were able to coordinate a global attack with such efficiency. It’s like organic range-finding. Moonless night? No problem. Snowstorm, heavy rain? Cut right through it. They might even have the ability to see with the back of their heads. They’re scanning and frequency hopping, tuning their built-in radio dial, finding the wavelength that will best resolve their target. No, just because they don’t have eyes, doesn’t mean they can’t see.

It’s the little things like this that make Uprising so much fun, and render the Druuben as truly terrifying oppressors.

Okay, so enough about aliens. What about our characters? What about the plot? This is after all, a screenplay, right?

So after the opening attack, we meet our hero Lieutenant J. Stevens, a US Naval officer. Twohy likes to write tough guys with attitude. Stevens oozes “action hero guy.” He’s not afraid to go head to head with the Druuben and risk his life. Not afraid to cut a deal with the Druuben, so us humans can have the right to bury our dead. And just like the title suggests, Stevens is responsible for initiating an underground movement inside the camp – an uprising. Under the cover of darkness, he develops a plan to not only escape, but play the one final card humanity has against the Druuben. What is it? You’ll have to read it to find out – but it’s something the Druuben suspect is out there. Something they may have missed. Something that could turn the tide. Something the Druuben fear.

Despite having recruited a small army, it’s not all roses for Stevens. There’s fighting, squabbling and politics inside the camp. Ex-military men, who have been entrusted by the Druuben to maintain order and run the camps, are out to keep their status. These men are also tasked with interfacing between humans and their new masters. Basically, there are a lot of people out to double-cross for their own benefits, and do anything to gain favour amongst the Druuben…

Okay, I’m going to stop right there.

Reason being: I want this to be as spoiler free as possible. This is a script you should read without knowing too much.

After finishing Uprising I was exhausted, not from the reading itself, but because it made me realize just how much further I have to go, on a personal level as a screenwriter. Sure, Uprising is far from perfect, but when it comes to sheer entertainment on a commercial level, this script tops the cake. It ticks all the boxes – intriguing, gripping, horrific and funny – just an enjoyable read. I must admit I’m not entirely stoked over the chosen director, but Wolfgang does have an uncanny ability to do things on an epic scale – and although the bulk of Uprising takes place in and around the same location, it’s also an alien invasion movie. They need to be epic. They need to be big, global, bold and in your face. I just hope to God they make this film, and I hope to God they don’t change too much from the draft I read. So if the weekly barrage of alien specs is making you yawn, do yourself a favour, read Uprising. I highly recommend it.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive (almost genius)
[ ] genius

What I Learned: David Twohy rocks!

Genre: Drama
Premise: A look at the rise of Facebook and the effect it’s had on its founders.
About: Aaron Sorkin was commissioned by Sony and producer Scott Rudin to write a movie about Facebook based on the book, “The Accidental Billionaires.” Interestingly, Sorkin had little to no knowledge of Facebook when he got the job. He’s self-proclaimed computer ignorant, which makes some of the scenes in the script all the more remarkable. It’s been highly publicized that David Fincher is interested in taking over the reigns for the project. David, if you’re listening to me now, you can make this film. But please make Passengers first.
Writer: Aaron Sorkin (1st Draft)

First of all, Sony’s a little late to the party. There’s already a Facebook movie in production. And I have the exclusive first look!

I think it goes without saying that as soon as Facebook supplanted Myspace as the de facto online time-wasting mechanism, the studios were looking for ways to profit off of it. So they paid Aaron Sorkin 6.2 bajillion dollars to write “the Facebook movie”. An epic story that would capture the drama of late-night status updates, the power of the poke, who and who not to limit profile access to, and of course, the all important and always necessary “delete friend” feature. Okay, well, maybe it wouldn’t be about those things per se. But it would be about computers and software and code and snobby rich kids. Still not exactly the seeds of compelling drama. Which is exactly why Sony decided on Sorkin to tend the garden.

So back in the day I used to work for this producer. He was new to Hollywood – Three years prior he’d created some hot piece of software that sold for a fortune. This left him with a ton money at a very young age and when you’re young and rich, what do you do? You make movies! He was actually a fun guy to work with. Even though he didn’t know a lot, he was smart enough to pick things up quickly. Raised on the first two seasons of Entourage, he liked living the Hollywood life just as much as he liked working in it. So a year into our relationship, he invited me to one of his lavish house parties. It was everything you’d imagine a party in the Hills to be. A lot of great-looking people, pool shenanigans, multiple bars, an overly energetic DJ (this is not me bragging btw; Culver City is much more my scene). As I was taking in the chaos, however, I noticed this quiet little fashion-challenged 30-something in the corner. He had this detached quality to him, like he was at the party but he wasn’t. Whatever his story was, I knew it had to be a lot more interesting than the last ten people I talked to (French Guy: “I’m directing this commercial in Germany.” Me: “Oh yeah? What for?” French Guy: “I cannot talk about it.”) So I made my way over and casually introduced myself. After some small talk I asked him, “So who do you know here?” “Oh,” he said, “The owner of the house.” “Yeah?” I asked. “How?” “I’m his brother.”

This answer was quite puzzling. I had known this producer for over a year and we’d had thousands of conversations but he had never mentioned a brother. I continued to pry and the brother told me the story I’m telling you now: He and the producer co-founded the software company together. The first year was the best year of their lives. They didn’t make a cent but they were doing what they loved and they were doing it together. Then the company started experiencing success. That success led to more success and within a matter of months they were making millions of dollars. The company’s next steps were critical in determining how big they’d become. Millions of dollars were at stake. The brothers could not agree on a direction though. The producer wanted to grow as fast as possible (more money). The brother wanted to retain the quality of the company and slow down (less money). Things got so bad that in the end, the producer, who had a slight majority in the company, fired his brother. The brother told me he hadn’t spoken to him in over 2 years and that these parties were the only times he got to see him (he was never invited. He just showed up). Although he now had more money than he had ever dreamed of, he said if he could do it all over again, he never would’ve started that company. Two things came out of that night. One, I’ll never forget the sadness in that man’s eyes. And two, I never looked at money the same way again.

Naturally, all of this came roaring back to me after reading “The Social Experiment.” Instead of a story about brothers though, this is a story about two friends – one a computer genius, the other a business expert – who began a website that became the fastest growing phenomenon in internet history. Three years later, one was suing the other for 600 million dollars (or 1/30th of Mark Zuckerberg’s worth). It’s a story about greed, about obsession, about our belief that all the money in the world can make us happy. But it’s also unpredictable, funny, touching, and sad. It gives us that rare glimpse into the improbable world of mega-success.

We start out in a campus bar with a young couple. The guy is Mark Zuckerberg, a slightly cooler Bill Gates. The girl is Erica, his girlfriend. The two are having a conversation. Actually, they’re having five conversations because Mark can’t focus on one thing. He’ll occasionally backtrack into a previous conversation within the flow of the current conversation, all while preparing for the next conversation. He’s clearly smart as hell, but the habit makes him incredibly annoying. Add a side of selfishness and an order of condescension and we can see why Erica becomes more frustrated the longer the conversation continues. Mark is so into his own problems, in fact, that he’s completely blindsinded when Erica breaks up with him.

Convincing himself that he could care less, Mark heads back to his Harvard dorm to do what any computer nerd does when he gets dumped by a girl he never should’ve landed in the first place. He starts blogging about it! “Blah blah blah, Erica’s the biggest bitch whore in the world…” But the dumping ignites Mark’s imagination and he comes up with an idea for a website – a sort of “Hot or Not” which allows Harvard guys to compare Harvard women against each other. His best friend Eduardo pops in to help him and they have the site live in less than an hour. Within half an hour after that, the site is so popular, it takes down the entire Harvard computer network. Though he manages to piss off a number of faculty (and Harvard women), Mark earns some ivy league street cred and makes a name for himself (not easy to do on the hallowed Harvard grounds).

The stunt also brings Mark to the attention of Cameron and Tyler: two extremely rich and handsome brothers who are star members of the Harvard row team. Impressed by his creativity and speed, they want him to code their new website – an exclusive Harvard “Myspace-like” network. Mark digs the idea and agrees to help. Over the next month, however, he starts dreaming up his own variation of the site: a social networking experience built on exclusivity. His site would work like real life. Someone could only know your personal details if they were friends with you (unlike Myspace which at the time let anybody know anything about anyone). An exclusive network of friends. He called it “TheFacebook.”

He and his best friend Eduardo come up with the plan – Mark is geek patrol and glues his fingers to the keyboard, Eduardo is business-central and plots the site’s future. The coding wizard needs less than a month to build the site. It goes live a few days later and takes off like a Malibu brush fire. Within weeks everyone at Harvard’s using it. Cameron and Tyler, still in the dark about Mark’s secondary endeavor, are eagerly awaiting their website code. Imagine their surprise when “theFacebook” shows up on every desktop in school. They demand Mark shut down the site but Mark’s already onto the next conversation. He expands into other Ivy league schools and continues to improve the interface. The success is both exciting and terrifying. Eduardo wants to be cautious and look for ways to monetize the site. Mark wants to grow and add more features.

It was only by chance then, that such a crucial juncture in the website’s existence fell upon the end of the school year. Eduardo had to go back to New York for an internship. Mark flew to Norcal to rub elbows with Silicon Valley. Little did either of them know that Mark was about to meet someone who would completely change the game.

Maybe you remember the name “Sean Parker”, maybe you don’t. Parker is the late-nineties time capsule that blew the music industry wide open, exposing their ridiculous CD markups when he co-founded Napster. When Parker falls into Sorkin’s mini-opus, it was like finding some old 8mm film with Jimi Hendrix and Elvis hanging out. You had no idea these guys knew each other! Parker, who at this point had lost every single penny to the record companies, was so poor he was couch-surfing between friends’ apartments. When he sees his ladyfriend playing on this new weird site, “theFacebook,” it’s as if his world’s been turned upside-down. He calls Mark and Eduardo asking for a meeting right away. A week later they meet at some swanky New York restaurant. Parker arrives a good half an hour late, and even without a penny to his name, rides in with the confidence of ten Michael Bay’s. He explains to them that he doesn’t want to crash their party or pitch them anything. He just wants to let them know how awesome they are. With that remark, he’s got places to be, so he’s up and gone as fast as he came, but not before casually dropping a suggestion: “Drop the “the” and just call it “Facebook.” “It’s cleaner,” Once gone, Eduardo turns to Mark. “What a douchebag,” Eduardo’s eyes say. But Mark’s googly giddy expression tells a different story. He’s a 13 year girl at her first Jonas Brothers concert. A mancrush is born.

Needless to say, Parker *did* want to crash the party. He just wanted to make sure Mark’s parents weren’t around (Eduardo) when he showed up with the keg. With Eduardo back in NY, Parker made his pitch: “What are you doing with that guy?” he demanded. “He’s holding you back.” The more Parker points out how little Eduardo is doing, the more things Mark gives Parker to do. And to Parker’s credit, he gets things done. Working for free, he takes Facebook international within three weeks. Mark eventually hires Sean without telling Eduardo, giving him a 5% stake in the company. When Eduardo finds out about the tomfoolery, he makes a bold statement and freezes the company bank account, potentially putting Facebook in major jeopardy. It’s the last straw. Mark and Parker trick Eduardo into signing a contract that screws him out of hundreds of millions of dollars, effectively firing him. In the process, a friendship is destroyed.

The script ends with a chilling and heartbreaking scene. It’s 3 years later, with Mark being sued by Eduardo, Tyler and Cameron, for the full 16 billion dollars the company is worth. We’ve been cutting back and forth to this deposition over the course of the screenplay, and now the long day has ended. Mark sits alone in a dark room, in front of his computer, all the money in the world and not one true friend to show for it. Looking back to the last time he was happy – his relationship with Erica – he pulls up Facebook, the site he invented, slides the mouse up to “add friend” and sends her a friend request. Afterwards, despite the millions of daily operations requiring his attention at that moment, he waits for her to accept. He’ll wait forever if he has to.

The script is sprinkled with a lot more humor than I expected – to the point where I wondered if it should be classified as a comedy. What’s wonderful is that all of it works. Those unoriginal moments you’ve seen in every comedy spec written in the past year (including my own), where couples are arguing over Facebook-related issues (Girlfriend: “Why does your relationship status say you’re single??”) Well Sorkin uses them too. The only difference is that it’s happening to the inventors of Facebook. And so the unoriginal becomes original, the stuid becomes hilarious. — And don’t get me started on Sean Parker – a character that can become iconic if the film is made. The brash techy rock star revels in his own ego, and is a key player in why Facebook is on our computers today (Parker ended up selling his portion of the company for – I believe – a couple hundred million dollars).

Part of my love for this 162 page script is that Sorkin doesn’t use any discernible structure. I was constantly looking for a base, an obvious story or goal. And there isn’t any. 99% of the time when this happens, the script’s a disaster (don’t try it. just, don’t) But Sorkin uses some crazy unknown voodoo screenwriting tricks to keep us riveted. In the end, our curiosity is what drives the story as we’re wondering if Sean – who’s already sacrificed his personal life – will end up getting sacrificed out of a business as well. Did he indeed steal this idea from Cameron and Tyler? Or are these two spoiled brats lashing out because they can’t handle the one time things didn’t go their way?

The Social Network is a either a modern tragedy or a modern success story depending on how you look at it. Imagine going from nothing to a billionaire in less than a year. How do you even grasp that kind of success? How do you live a normal life? How do you address the constant lawsuits that eat into your everyday existence? And how do you do this at 22 years old? When I was 22, just scraping together enough money to buy a case of Busch Light Draft was a victory. Either way it’s fun to put yourself in Mark’s shoes and picture how you’d handle the situation.

I’m sure my attempts to grow Scriptshadow made this read a little more personal. And remembering that lonely brother at the party stirred up some emotions as well. Either way, this script really resonated with me. Which is why it makes it into my Top 10.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Be inventive in how you reveal character. I loved Sean Parker in this script. Sorkin gives Parker this quirky little obsession with an old business associate who fucked him over during his Napster days. Parker has a stalker-like obsession with getting back at him and brings up his revenge plans at every opportunity. Not only is it hilarious, but it reveals Parker’s character. It takes a certain kind of person who can’t let go – who will stop at nothing to even the score. Basically: an insecure asshole. Normally, a writer will reveal an asshole by having him yell at someone else. How interesting is that? Take a cue from Sorkin and build a little obsession (or other quirk/habit) into your character – something that tells us exactly who they are.

note: (9/23/11) Since these drafts, Aaron Sorkin came on to do a final rewrite on the script, which is the one that eventually went in front of the cameras. 

To get caught up on what exactly “Moneyball” is and the drama that occurred this week, go here to find out.

Genre: Sports Bio
Premise: A general manager with the lowest payroll in baseball invents a new way of scouting involving little-known but very powerful statistics.
About: Based on a true story. Adapted from the book by Michael Lewis. Moneyball came to the attention of everyone when Sony Exec Amy Pascal shut down the movie 3 days before the start of production due to Soderbergh’s rewrite of the script (episode of Entourage anyone?)
Writers: Steven Zaillian (Dec. Draft)- Steven Soderbergh (June shooting draft) — Edit: I thought I’d mention this because people keep bringing it up. There is a May Zaillian draft that I’ve been told is quite different from the December draft I read. Some of the things I liked in that Dec. draft were missing from Zaillian’s subsequent draft (meaning it wasn’t Soderbergh’s sole choice to get rid of them).

Do you know the kind of balls it takes to shut down the production of a Brad Pitt movie? When Brad Pitt says he’ll do your movie, 20 million dollars or not, he’s doing *you* a favor. And it’s not like Pitt hasn’t picked up and walked off on a whim before. Anybody remember The Fountain? – And that was before he met the baby buyer. Nowadays Brad goes out for groceries and he comes home to two more kids. So the fact that Amy Pascal, Chairman of Sony Studios, halted production on Moneyball upon reading the most recent draft by Soderbergh is a BFD. The question is, what happened? Well, we all know Soderbergh has a seriously off-kilter approach to directing. Given some room, he’ll turn your straightforward sports tale into a series of flashbacks and flashforwards with Spanish subtitles and 97 minutes of voice over. Lucky for you, Scriptshadow’s got both drafts and will get to the bottom of this mess. Did Soderbergh destroy Moneyball? Did Pascal overreact? Read on to find out.

STEVEN ZAILLIAN DRAFT

Baseball is a game of numbers. No other sport in the world depends more on numbers than baseball . From singles to doubles to home runs to RBIs to errors to batting averages to slugging percentages to on-base percentages, the sport *is* its numbers. And it’s those numbers that form the nucleus of Moneyball’s story.

I’m sure when I say the name Billy Beane, it doesn’t mean much to you. But you say the name Billy Beane in baseball circles, and it means a hell of a damn lot. Billy Beane is the general manager of the Oakland A’s. The Oakland A’s are one of the smallest markets in Major League Baseball. To give you an idea of how small, the Yankees payroll is 120 million dollars. The A’s payroll? 40 million. Do the math. So the question is: How do you compete in a league where every other team has at least twice as much money as you do?

Billy is a complicated man. He loves the grind but hates watching the fruits of his labor. Billy doesn’t travel with the team. He doesn’t watch the games. He doesn’t like any of the players. All he cares about is putting together a team that wins. Unfortunately, his 40 million dollar payroll has made that next to impossible. Early on, Billy is with his girlfriend, getting ready to escape to a tropical island. But Billy gets a call on his cell, and that call leads to a few more calls, and the next thing you know, a trade is going down. He smiles politely to his girlfriend, hands her his ticket, and says, “Go ahead. I’ll meet you there in a few days.” And leaves! It’s the perfect introduction to Billy because that action, that sequence, tells us exactly who he is.

You see, Billy just lost the three best players on his team and has been told by his owner that he’s only got a few million bucks to replace them. So Billy heads off to another tropical paradise, Cleveland, to discuss some trades with the GM of the Indians, Mark Shapiro. Billy is particularly interested in a player named “Rincon”, someone so low on Shapiro’s radar that he barely recognizes the name. After Shapiro agrees in principle to a trade, a previously unseen nerdy 20-something on a laptop walks over and whispers into Shapiro’s ear. He slinks back to the couch and Shapiro calmly turns to Billy, “I’m sorry, you can’t have Rincon.” Billy spins back and glares at this mystery kid. “Who the fuck are you??” his eyes say. But the kid is already back to his computer. This kid’s name is Paul.

Billy corners Paul outside the building and demands to know what the hell he told Shapiro. The argument turns into dinner, and Paul lays out his approach to baseball. He’s calculated every single statistic known to baseball and only one is inexorably tied to winning: On-base percentage. Since everyone else is obsessed with home runs and RBIs, this stat has been relatively ignored. Paul believes that if you create a team full of only players with high on-base percentages (A stat so insignificant that you could get the players for dirt cheap) you could theoretically win all the time. Billy thinks Paul might be crazy, but he’s up shit creek anyway, so he hires him.

Billy and Paul then apply this untested strategy in the face of years of baseball experience. The idea that you can look at a spreadsheet, and not at the player himself, when putting together a team, causes all sorts of drama inside the A’s organization. Essentially, Billy assembles a rag-tag motley crew of rejects with high on-base percentages. When Oakland quickly falls into last place, the drama only gets worse. But the stubborn Billy and Paul stick together, and in the end their faith pays off, as Oakland ends the season with a 20-game win streak, the single longest win-streak in American League history.

The only problem with the script is that it gets too wrapped up in its details, too wrapped up in its numbers. We follow the A’s through an entire season and, not unlike keeping tabs on a real baseball season, it’s hard to stay focused. Late in the script I was myself asking that age old question: What’s driving the story? The best I could come up with is: the curiosity of whether the stats system is going to work. But in that black hole where stories go to die known as the second half of the second act, there isn’t enough to remind us of this – to keep us focused – and the story loses some luster as a result. The question is, did Soderbergh address this issue in his rewrite and, more importantly, what else did he address? We’ll talk about that in a second. But in regards to Zaillian’s draft, I’m going to recommend the read. Sure it wandered. But I’ve always been fascinated by the jobs of General Managers, and this gave me some great insight into their world.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

Script Link: Moneyball (link taken down by request)

SODERBERGH DRAFT (dated 6-22-09)
note: Bad news. I cannot post this draft. It’s got Sony markings all over it and you’ll just have to trust me when I say it wouldn’t be a good idea.

So was it *that* bad? I mean, studios go into production all the time with terrible scripts. Particularly when huge actors like Pitt are involved. So what made Pascal put her foot down? What made her embark on a decision that would taint the project from now til release? I’ll tell you what. A bad script. Soderbergh really screwed this up. Moneyball wasn’t Chinatown, but at least it was a story. Soderbergh’s turned it into a mishmash of ideas in search of a point. It’s like he yanked the sail off the boat and let us drift out to sea.

It’s hard to point to any one change that ruined the script, but there are several troublesome choices that were made. Remember that early scene where Billy leaves his girlfriend at the airport? That scene told us everything we needed to know about who we’d be following for the next two hours. What does Soderbergh do instead? He has Billy meet Paul in one of the most basic, uninteresting introductions to two characters I’ve seen in a long time. The two stand around and proceed to tell us (er, I mean each other) exactly who they are.
[scrippet]
BILLY
JP said you’re the guy I should be talking to.

PAUL
JP is great.

BILLY
JP is great. He said you just got promoted.

PAUL
Yeah, I was advance scouting and I was just made Special Assistant to the GM.

BILLY
Well, Cleveland’s a monster franchise. I think John Hart and Mark Shapiro are super smart. They got a good thing going.

PAUL
I have to say, it’s nice knowing at the beginning of the year that you’re probably going to the playoffs.

BILLY
I’ll bet.

PAUL
I hear you’re extended.

BILLY
Yeah, four years. It’s good, you know. I can watch things happen. And we’re close to getting a new stadium.

PAUL
Which you need.

BILLY
Which we definitely need. So let me ask you. Can you work spreadsheets and all that stuff, like Excel? Can you manage a payroll?

PAUL
Yeah.

BILLY
Great, because I suck at that…
[/scrippet]
Yes, instead of that great scene where the mysterious Paul walks up and whispers into Shapiro’s ear, we now get, “So let me ask you: can you work spreadsheets and all that stuff?”

The draft was an Exposition Empire, with characters blurting out all sorts of things we needed to know without a hint of subtlety. I kept thinking I was at a museum listening to a tour guide, “And here we have Billy. Billy has discovered a secret set of numbers. He will now try to apply them to his team and hopefully win in the process.” All the fun from the first draft is gone here. The dramatization. The subtext. It’s vanished, not unlike the Montreal Expos.

Also gone are most of Billy’s scenes with his daughter, the only true relationship with another human being he has, and therefore the only thing that humanizes him – Billy’s drifting from woman to woman (Although there’s only scarce mention of it – he appears to be married in Soderbergh’s version), the flashbacks of Billy as a player (replaced by interviews with real people who played with Billy) and that feeling of, “Billy and Paul against the world,” stemming from their unique system and how it flies in the face of 150 years of baseball – probably the most exciting part of the story.

But the biggest faux-pas is the handling of the all-important “on-base percentage” stat. This is what the A’s figured out that everybody else ignored – the hidden statistic that was the key to their success. It’s what allows them to compete with half the salary of all the other teams. This is the movie. Yet here it’s treated like an afterthought. In fact, I couldn’t even tell you what the A’s secret to success was in Soderbergh’s draft. It’s implied that there’s a spreadsheet involved but the explanation stops there. A spreadsheet of never-explained numbers? That’s how the team wins? That’s your hook for the movie?

Look, Soderbergh is the kind of director that likes to find his movies in the editing room. Shoot a bunch of stuff, see what sticks. If something doesn’t connect logically , throw some voiceover in there and add a little score. That seems to be his plan of attack with Moneyball. I don’t know what the final movie would look like so I couldn’t definitively tell you if he would of salvaged this, but I do know he turned a solid script into an incomprehensible mess. And that’s why his movie was shut down.

[x] a mess
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Don’t write a sports movie. They’re too difficult to write. If the team ends up winning in the end, it feels overly-sappy and cliche. If you go with a grittier more realistic approach, it comes off as boring and self-important. Lose-lose. If you must ignore my advice, go with either a boxing movie or a true story (like this one). But just know that writing a good sports movie is RFH (really fucking hard) and selling one is even harder. Take my advice and don’t do it.