The Other Star Wars had the most difficult job of any script I’ve ever read. It followed my viewing of Sharknado, the greatest movie in history.

Amateur Friday Submission Process: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, a PDF of the first ten pages of your script, your title, genre, logline, and finally, why I should read your script. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Your script and “first ten” will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.

Genre: Comedy/Satire
Premise: (from writer) When President Reagan announces his Strategic Defense Initiative, it sets off a chain of increasingly outrageous misunderstandings between the KGB, CIA… and George Lucas. Only a fanboy-slacker can help avert nuclear disaster.
About: This script won the Amateur Offerings Weekend a couple of weeks ago. Submit your script (details up top) to get on the list. Best of the 5 picked that week will get a review. So make sure to submit a snazzy, well-crafted logline and a great query letter!
Writer: Paul Jarnagin
Details: 111 pages – (this draft has been slightly updated from the newsletter draft based off notes the writer received).

I’ve cooled on comedies lately because I’ve read so many bad ones over the past couple of years. But when you mix in Star Wars, my midichlorians start to tingle and everything’s a-okay in the galaxy once more. “Use the force, young Carson. Review this script,” are the words I hear from my Jedi Master, the late great Togan Sheeves.

And, of course, anything that gets me thinking about Episode 7 is good. For those who haven’t joined my newsletter yet, you should know I’m actually holding a Star Wars script contest that culminates at the end of the year. You write a Star Wars script, and I review the best five submitted. Write a sequel, a spin-off, any story that could happen in the Star Wars universe. We’ve been complaining about the prequels forever now. Show Disney you can do better and maybe they’ll buy your script. Now, onto TODAY’S Star Wars script.

It’s 1982. Tensions are high between the world’s two superpowers, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. At any moment, someone could lob a nuclear missile at the other and begin the destruction of the planet. Not an optimistic time.

Which is why President Ronald Reagan and his group of advisors come up with SDI, a missile defense shield that will prevent any Soviet missiles from penetrating U.S. airspace. His team decides to designate this project, “Star Wars.”

Over in San Francisco, George Lucas hears about this and gets pissed. He’s about to release Return of the Jedi and the last thing he wants to worry about is politics. Little does George know, however, that the Soviets are VERY interested in him. Convinced that George’s movies hold some secret tidbits about the SDI program, the Soviets sneak into Skywalker Ranch, break into George’s biggest vault, and steal what’s inside – a single, mysterious video tape.

Hoping they can gleam clues from it, the Soviets bring the tape back to Russia and make hundreds of KGB agents watch it around the clock. The tape turns out to be The Star Wars Christmas Special, the single worst movie ever made. Worse than Sharknado 2: Shrimpicane. This plan has an unintended effect: after watching the tape, all of the agents go insane.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy (or the ocean), we have our hero, 21 year old Kent Macleroy. Kent is a jobless, penniless slacker who spends most of his time as the dungeon master in a 3 person Dungeons and Dragons group. Kent’s busy being a nobody when he’s suddenly recruited by the CIA for his unhealthy knowledge of Star Wars.

You see, the CIA has caught wind of the KGB’s obsession with George Lucas and now believe that Lucas is the key to this whole equation. So, Kent heads over to the CIA and just starts answering Star Wars questions for them (i.e. “Who is that little guy who sits next to Jabba The Hut?” “What are Ewoks?”). They then use this information to try and one-up the Soviets.

In the end, there’s a lot of posturing and positioning and red-tape ripping from the three major players– the Soviets, the CIA, and George Lucas. Only a miracle is going to prevent world disaster, not necessarily from a nuclear war, but from the The Star Wars Christmas Special being released again.

Looking back at “The Other Star Wars,” I’m sad to say I didn’t laugh much. And I’m not sure why.  I’m thinking it could be the whole “satire” thing. Satire scares me. It puts this “serious” slant on humor, which seems to contradict the very meaning of humor. Whenever I see the word, I feel like I need to get myself in “intelligent mode,” which forces me to pay attention more, which gets me all tense, which completely takes me out of the mood to laugh.

But even if that isn’t a problem for you (I’m sure it’s not), there are still some big issues that need fixing. First, the main character is barely a part of the story. I’m not even sure Kent has to be in this script. He’s basically an observer, and I would argue the fourth most important entity behind the CIA, the KGB, and Lucas. It’s possible, of course, to write a good movie without a main character, but it’s usually a death star sentence. Audiences like to identify with someone, hop on someone’s back, and root for them. I’m not sure Kent had enough weight to be a main character.  He didn’t have any presence.

And even if he did, he wasn’t doing anything. He was just observing. You’d like for your protagonist to be active, to drive the story, but Kent was more of commenter, constantly telling the CIA how stupid they were for believing that Lucas had anything to do with this. Which was funny, but you need your main character to do more than comment and observe in a script.

The next big issue was the lack of stakes. It wasn’t clear what happened if everybody didn’t get this sorted out. The logline ends with “help avert nuclear disaster,” but unless I missed something (which is possible – I found my mind wandering due to the lack of an engaging protagonist), there’s no impending nuclear disaster. This would be an easy fix. When the Soviets find out that the U.S. is instituting a missile defense shield, why not decide to launch an attack before the shield can go up? Now you have your movie’s ticking time bomb (literally) and everything everyone does has a lot more weight, because world destruction is only a button-press away.

Finally, the story became unnecessarily confusing. Again, a script read is a compound process. When a reader doesn’t like one thing, he starts to check out a little. When he doesn’t like another, he checks out more. Doesn’t like another, happens again. It’s human nature. And those two things (the lack of a solid hero and the lack of stakes) were so big, by the time the second half came around, my head wasn’t in it.

Still, I had trouble keeping up. I understood the Soviets motivation for going after Lucas’s stuff. But I was never clear on what the CIA was doing. They wanted to learn Star Wars in order to… understand why the KGB wanted to learn about Star Wars? Everything between the CIA and George Lucas was muddled. It needed to be laid out more clearly. And I think this goes back to that lack of a doomsday scenario. Because we were never sure what anyone was trying to prevent (no missile was in danger of being launched), it was hard to discern everyone’s motivations.

This was a cool idea, but I think for it to really sparkle, Paul would need to create a more present and active protagonist, inject higher stakes, and clear up what everyone is after. I wish him the best. Always rooting for my fellow Star Wars fans. ☺

Script link: The Other Star Wars

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If a character isn’t described when he’s introduced, I know immediately that the character is going to have problems. That’s the most basic form of character identification there is – the physical description. So if that’s not there, it tells me the writer didn’t look into his backstory, his flaws, his fears, his dreams, his secrets. Kent wasn’t described when introduced, and sure enough, he wasn’t active or present in the story.

This is your chance to discuss the week’s amateur scripts, offered originally in the Scriptshadow newsletter. The primary goal for this discussion is to find out which script(s) is the best candidate for a future Amateur Friday review. The secondary goal is to keep things positive in the comments with constructive criticism.

Below are the scripts up for review, along with the download links. Want to receive the scripts early? Head over to the Contact page, e-mail us, and “Opt In” to the newsletter.

Happy reading!

The new Star Trek film underperformed. But all we at Scriptshadow care about is, “How was the writing?”

Genre: Sci-Fi
Premise: Captain Kirk and crew go after a mysterious villain who performed a terrorist attack on the Federation. After chasing him down, they learn that it’s actually someone within their own ranks that they need to worry about.
About: This is likely JJ Abrams’s last foray into Star Trek, as he’s been asked to take over the most glorious awesomest greatest franchise ever (coincidentally both mine and JJ’s favorite franchise): Star Wars. One other thing of note here: Current screenwriting whipping boy Damon Lindelof contributed to “Star Trek: Into Darkness.” That makes TWO huge summer movies he’s written (with the other being the troubled zombie flick “World War Z.”). If you want to read a great article about Lindelof and his insecurities as a writer and how he was terrified to come in and save World War Z, check out the article here.
Writer: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof
Details: 132 minutes

Where are all the Star Trek fans? I heard the studio was hoping to make 100 million dollars this weekend and only made 70. Trekkies, wuddup?? We even got to see the Klingons in this episode. And the previously established greatest Trek villain ever!

I don’t know why I’m getting all upset. I was never a Trek fan. I’m just a JJ fan, who was also not a Trek fan (I’m still confused why someone who hated a franchise would choose to direct a movie for that franchise). But I guess all I really care about is, “How was the writing?” and, “Is Trek 2 better than Trek 1?”

Unfortunately, those aren’t easy questions to answer. There was definitely something exciting about getting to see a re-imagined Star Trek the first time around. It was new. It was fresh! That freshness is gone. And some of that Star Trek luster is gone with it.  On the flip side, you don’t have to spend half the screenplay setting up the world, like the first did. You can jump straight into the story. Which is what Into Darkness does. But was it successful??

Into Darkness has our Trek crew doing what it was created to do – explore new worlds. That’s THE PLAN anyway. But when Kirk finds a neophyte civilization about to be wiped out via an active volcano, he and Spock decide to save it. They barely do so, but in the process alert the civilization to their presence (a big no-no) AND almost die. This leads to Kirk being relieved of his command.

Meanwhile, a terrorist blows up a Trek archive building, (MAJOR SPOILER) who we later find out is the infamous Trek villain, Khan! Khan then jets out to the Klingon home planet, where he know he’ll be safe, since the humans and the Klingons are on the brink of war. But Kirk and crew go after him anyway, capture him, and find out the truth: that the President of Star Federation (played by the original Robocop!) is trying to kill this dude.

When Kirk won’t follow orders and kill him himself, then, Robocop comes after him, hellbent on destroying not just Khan, but everyone on Kirk’s ship as well. Kirk will have to decide who’s more dangerous here – Khan or Robocop – and stop them. All while trying to protect the thousands of crew on his ship.

99% of the time, I can get a sense whether a movie or a script is going to work within the first scene. How that scene is constructed tells me a ton. Is there drama involved? Intrigue? Suspense? Is it original? Is the scene meticulously plotted out? Or is it sloppy? If it’s sloppy, for example, that usually sets the tone for the rest of the movie. I mean, if you can’t make your very first scene clean, how can I expect you to make the following 59 scenes clean?

Into Darkness started out… wrong. It wasn’t entirely clear to me what was going on. You had Kirk running from these natives. Then we were cutting to Spock being lowered into some lava pit. For the first 60-90 seconds of the sequence, I thought Spock was on a completely different planet. I wasn’t linking him to the native stuff.

Eventually I figured it out, but if you look at a similar opening sequence, Indy going into the cave in Raiders of the Lost Ark (which clearly influenced JJ in this scene) – that’s a sequence you’re never confused by. I suppose JJ may have been doing this confusing cross-cutting on purpose? Maybe he wanted you to be be curious about how the two related to one another? But I think that’s the wrong move. Like I said – the opening scene sets the tone for the movie. It’s gotta be clear. There are instances where you want things to be confusing to establish intrigue (the layered dream sequence opening of Inception), but this wasn’t one of those times. And for this reason, I was really scared for Into Darkness.

But the script does rebound. The mystery terrorist put the story on a clear path: Find the terrorist, take him down. There were also quite a few of the mystery boxes JJ is known for. Like a) who is this terrorist? And b) what’s in these missiles that everyone seems so up-in-arms about? (Spoiler) – We eventually find out that the missiles are holding humans inside, which was a nice unexpected surprise. Although I thought for sure when the first one was revealed, as it appeared to be holding a bald guy, it was going to be Captain Jean-Luc Piccard (from the Next Generation). I had no idea how they were going to make that make sense, but it got me revved up (alas, it was not to be).

And I think that’s where JJ really excels. He keeps putting those mystery boxes out there so that you always have to find out what’s inside of them. Even when you’re not 100% into the movie, you still want to see what happens next. But I think the real feat here with the writing was how “follow-able” the writers were able to make the plot, despite how much it jumped around.

We talked about plot points a month ago, and how you want to keep changing up your story in order to keep it fresh. But (at least in my opinion) the plot point changes in Into Darkness were pretty severe, to the point where I wasn’t sure where the story was going. Or really what the main plot was. I mean first “Darkness” is about Kirk getting canned. Then he’s reinstated as a second-in-command on another ship. Then the terrorist attack happens. Then the terrorist runs away. They have to go chase the terrorist, with some foreshadowing of a potential Klingon war.  But there is no Klingon war.  Then the Federation President comes after them, as he’s revealed to be the bad guy. Then Khan kills the bad guy, and becomes the reinstated bad guy.

The writers do a good job keeping all of this clear, but it’s a huge gamble, as at a certain point, your reader/audience may throw up their arms and scream, “Dude! What the f*&k? is this movie about?!” When you write a script, you can write it two ways. You can establish the goal right away and spend the rest of the script showing your main character trying to obtain it. Or you can constantly keep changing the storyline and the goal, with new twists and turns dictating the narrative.

So with Raiders Of The Lost Ark, for example, we know the goal from the outset – find and bring back the Ark. Into Darkness, we’re not sure. We’re not really ever sure. And that’s what’s so dangerous about writing these types of scripts. They’re a bag of mysteries. And it takes a tremendous amount of skill to keep a story interesting that doesn’t have that constant. Whenever I see amateurs try to pull this off, it’s a guaranteed fail. They’ll keep throwing in new surprises and twists every ten pages or so, but it feels like it’s being made up as they go along. They only know how to change the variables. They don’t have an overall game plan.

I think that’s the difference when a professional takes on one of these scripts and when an amateur does. The professional outlines and makes sure it all makes sense, that there is something underneath that’ll support all these twists. Whereas the new writer will simply make up twists on the fly and believe that’s enough. At least, that’s what it feels like to me.

In the end, Into Darkness was sort of a strange, daring film, in that it did have a weird, constantly changing plot. But it found a way to make it work. The natural conflict between Kirk and Spock always kept things interesting. The “flying through debris” action sequence was really well executed. Khan was an interesting (if not exceptional) villain, who had a lot more meat to him than Eric Bana’s villain from the first film. And after a bit of a slow section following the opening scene, the script never lets up, pounding us with immediacy – an ingredient essential for any good summer popcorn film. I liked it. I mean, it wasn’t amazing, but it was solid.

Script rating:

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

Movie rating:

[ ] what the hell did I just watch?
[ ] not fit for a Klingon
[x] worth the price of admission for anywhere but the ridiculously expensive Arclight
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If you’re a new writer, I’d suggest mastering the “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” model before you move on to the “Star Trek: Into Darkness” model. Establish a goal for your protagonist right away, then have them go after it, repeatedly running into obstacles during their pursuit. If you keep changing your character’s goal and keep rearranging the plot’s purpose the way “Into Darkness” does, you’re going to find your plot a lot harder to wrangle in. It can be done, but you need a lot of practice before you’re ready for it.

What I learned 2: I don’t know why this particular movie made me think of this, but I think IMDB should start including a section for “Contributing Writers” on each project. We know, of course, that they can’t get an official title card for the movie. But there should be a place where these writers are recognized so an internet search can bring their names up. IMDB seems like the perfect place to put this information. They’re not obligated to only include the “official” writers, and as long as it’s properly noted, I don’t see how this could do anything but help the non-top-tier writers in the business.

So I was cruising around the net last night and, lo and behold, I found myself a trailer for the next Star Trek movie, Star Trek Into Darkness.  JJ continues to kick ass as this trailer basically has me clearing my schedule for the weekend of May 17th.  But that’s not the important news here. The important news is, oh look, I just happen to break down JJ’s FIRST Star Trek film in my book!  A perfect way to end Scriptshadow Secrets Book Release Week!  To whet your appetite for the movie (and the book) check out the new trailer below.

For those hoping I’d just keep posting every single movie breakdown in the book, sadly this is where it ends.  I’ve given you a peek behind the curtain, but you’ll have to pony up the price of the book for all 50 movie breakdowns (plus that amazing chapter at the beginning that tells you how to write a screenplay).  I think the great thing about this book is that it’s often that ONE TIP, that ONE REALIZATION, that can change your entire approach to screenwriting, that can finally unlock all of your potential.  I remember that happening when I learned about dramatic irony.  With Scriptshadow Secrets, there are 500 chances of that happening.  It’s like a Powerball lottery where the odds are actually IN your favor.  So to me, buying this book is a no-brainer.  I admit I’m a little bit biased but I really believe that!  To summarize, Monday I gave you an excerpt from the first chapter of the book, breaking down screenplay structure.  Tuesday I tickled your pirate bone (that sounds wrong) with Pirates of the Caribbean.  Wednesday I went dark with tips from the Fargo screenplay.  Yesterday I lightened things up with lessons learned from the greatest romantic comedy of all time.  And today it’s all about the Star Trek.

I’m shooting for a hard copy release of December 20th so you can stuff your stockings with some Scriptshadow (that sounds wrong) but that’s assuming I hit no snags so I can’t guarantee that date.  For that reason, it’s important to remember that you DON’T NEED A KINDLE OR AN IPAD to read the Scriptshadow Secrets e-book!!!  Just download the free “Kindle App” here and read it right from your computer.  500 amazing screenwriting tips, folks.  What are you waiting for!??

Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…

STAR TREK
Written by: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (based on the television series by Gene Roddenberry)

Premise: A reboot of the famous franchise that takes us back to when a young Kirk and Spock first met.

About: Look who’s back! The amazing J.J.! Did you know Abrams wrote Regarding Henry, which snagged (at the time) the biggest movie star in the world, Harrison Ford? He pulled this off at the ripe old age of 24. My biggest accomplishment at 24 was learning how to do laundry. Still, when I heard Abrams was going to direct a Star Trek film, I thought, “Ehhhh, you may have gotten a little cocky there, fella.” The last four Star Trek films, in addition to being unwatchable, had grossed nine dollars and 16 cents at the box office. Even Trekkies were pissed! What could JJ possibly do to reinvigorate this dead franchise? I found out soon enough when the trailer of a young James Kirk driving his car off a cliff followed by an encounter with a robot cop lit my eyeballs on fire! I was in! It was a great lesson too, and a staple of Abrams’ success. Find a classic property/idea/genre and figure out a way to update it. All J.J. Abrams did was give Star Trek attitude, something it never had before. And VOILA, the franchise was reborn. Genius, this man is!

TIP 476 – No matter how huge your movie is, anchor it around a central relationship – Star Trek is a great big rock-em, sock-em summer blockbuster with space battles and planets exploding and time travel. All of that, however, is secondary to the relationship between Kirk and Spock. You have to focus on the relationships, guys! Trust me when I say they’re one of the most important parts of your screenplay!

TIP 477 – When you introduce a bad guy in an action movie, make sure to show us he’s bad right away – When we meet Nero, the first thing he does is plunge a spear into the Captain. That’s how you introduce a bad guy! (Don’t forget Darth Vader choking a man to death at the beginning of Star Wars as well).

TIP 478 – In action movies, take care of exposition while characters are on the move – Action films are kinetic and action-packed, so that’s where you have to deliver your exposition. When Kirk and Sulu are about to air jump down to the giant alien drill, Captain Pike is giving them the plan as they march through the ship. This is preferable to giving it while sitting down in an air-conditioned office. In fact, if there’s any scene in an action movie where your characters are sitting down and talking, there’s probably something wrong with your script.

TIP 479 – Popcorn movies live or die by their set pieces – You have to push the envelope with high concept set pieces because these are the scenes that’ll sell your movie. If they look exactly like every other action scene out there, nobody’s showing up to your film. Do something different with these big scenes! Air jumping down to a wobbly 40-mile long alien drill platform and then fighting the bad guys with swords…it’s safe to say I’ve never seen that before. Try to have three set pieces in your action flick that nobody’s seen.

TIP 480 – In an action movie, make sure your hero saves others at his own peril – This is your hero. Heroes need to be heroic, and they need to be heroic without thinking of themselves. This is why we love them! When Sulu falls off the edge of the alien drill, Kirk goes diving after him, risking his own life in the process.

TIP 481 – The bar for your script is higher than the bar for the latest Hollywood blockbuster – Star Trek escaped this fate, but a lot of big budget films have terrible screenplays. Look no further than the Transformers franchise. However, if you think the Transformers screenplays are the bar for your own scripts, think again. Those scripts are bad for a number of reasons, most of which revolve around too many cooks in the kitchen. The bar for your script is 50 times higher. It may not be fair, you may not understand why, but trust me on this: don’t use those films as the bar to beat. Write the greatest screenplay you’re capable of writing and let the rest take care of itself.

TIP 482 – Your villain can’t be bad just to be bad – A villain without a motivation is like a car without a steering wheel: Directionless. Trek’s villain, Nero, didn’t wake up one day and decide to hate the Federation. He hates them because they sat and watched his people die, doing nothing to help them. That’s why he’s waging war with the Federation.

TIP 483 – SHOW DON’T TELL ALERT – When Kirk meets Old Spock, instead of Spock giving us a long boring monologue about how he ended up here, he touches James’ head, allowing him to SEE what happened to him. Much more cinematic than gathering around the fireplace and hearing Spock tell a tale.

TIP 484 – Stop introducing new characters! Ahhhhhhh!!! – If you want to make a reader angry, introduce a LOT of characters. Readers hate lots of characters because it’s impossible to keep track of them all. If you’re writing for a pre-existing franchise, like Star Trek, where the character pool has already been established, then it’s okay. But in a spec script? I’m begging you: keep your character count as low as humanly possible.

TIP 485 – Bring characters back – Here’s a tip on how to eliminate characters. Instead of introducing yet another person, why not bring back someone from before? The dude who captures Kirk when he miraculously beams onto the Enterprise during warp speed is the same guy he fought in the opening bar scene. It means so much more to the reader because they know that guy.

TIP 486 – When characters fight, they should fight in UNIQUE STYLES that REFLECT WHO THEY ARE – Kirk fights like a street brawler. Spock’s moves are tactical and structured. This philosophy should extend to every aspect of your characters. Show them talking, walking, loving, arguing, all in their own unique way.

TIP 487 – The more intense the internal conflict, the more memorable the character – One of the reasons Spock has captured people’s imaginations for so long is that his internal struggle is so compelling: he’s constantly fighting between logic and emotion. Internal strife adds tons of weight to your characters (Michael Corleone goes through it. Luke goes through it in Empire and Jedi) so if it fits your hero and your story, make sure to include it!

For more Scriptshadow Secrets, click here…

SCRIPTSHADOW BOOK RELEASE WEEK CONTINUES!!!  If you haven’t purchased the book yet, what is wrong with you??  What?  You say you don’t have a Kindle or an Ipad to read the ebook on?  No problem!  Just download the Kindle App and you can read it right there on your computer or phone.  Writers have been keeping the book open on one half of their screens with their script open on the other and going to Scriptshadow Secrets whenever they run into trouble.  They read through a few movies, get some ideas, then jump right back into their script.  Best strategy ever?  I think so. 

Yesterday I gave you a peek at the “How To Write A Screenplay” chapter.  Today, I’m going to give you a look at one of the movies I break down, “Pirates of the Caribbean.”  If you like this, remember, there are FORTY-NINE other movies broken down just like this one.  A cornucopia of tips/lessons/secrets packed into the greatest screenwriting book ever written.  Okay, so there might be some hyperbole there and I’m a little biased.  But what I DO KNOW, without question, is that this book will make you a better screenwriter.  That much I can assure you.  So, read today’s excerpt and then go buy the book!

Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…

THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Written by: Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio (based on a story by Elliot & Rossio and Stuart Beattie and Jay Wolpert)

Premise: A young blacksmith must team with an infamous pirate, “Captain Jack Sparrow,” to save the love of his life, who’s being held by a band of undead pirates.

About: What’s interesting about this film is that during its development stages it was considered anything but a guaranteed hit. The last half-dozen pirate films had plunged to the ocean floor faster than the Titanic, and pretty much anyone writing a pirate spec was labeled a lunatic. Well, that is until the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise made over three billion dollars at the box office. This taught me that there’s no such thing as a “dead genre.” It might be dormant. It might be in a slump. But nothing’s ever completely dead. So if you want to break out with a big hit, look to resuscitate dormant genres and sub-genres. For example, it’s been awhile since Frankenstein was updated. It’s been awhile since a good submarine flick has come out. The trick is figuring out when these genres are ripe for a comeback.

TIP 68 – LIKABILITY ALERT – Jack Sparrow is selfish, conniving and untrustworthy. Therefore he needs a big “likable” moment so that we root for him. To achieve this, the writers go with the tried and true “save someone’s life” scene. But here’s why they’re making a million bucks and you’re not (yet). It wasn’t just anyone Jack was saving. It was someone we knew and adored – Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightly). The added weight of saving a pre-established character (who we liked) guaranteed we’d like Jack. Had it been some nameless damsel in distress, we probably wouldn’t have found the moment that powerful.

TIP 69 – LIKABILITY ALERT 2 – Have the bad guys condemn your hero for a good deed – This is such a great way to get us to love a character. We’ve just watched Jack Sparrow save someone’s life. And how is he rewarded? By being told he’ll be hanged! That’s not fair! An audience will always root for people who get screwed. Cameron used this exact same device in Titanic. Jack saves Rose from falling off the boat, then nearly gets arrested for it. We see it in Jerry Maguire as well. Jerry tries to change his company for the better with a mission statement. As a result, he gets fired.

TIP 70 – The power of the MacGuffin – In any big adventure movie, it’s great to have something that everybody wants, a “MacGuffin.” If there’s something everybody wants, then all of your characters will be active in pursuing it. Here, it’s the gold coin. In Star Wars, it’s R2-D2 (who’s carrying the stolen Death Star plans). In Raiders Of The Lost Ark, it’s the Ark. Remember, action-adventure films need a lot of action and adventure and an easy way to achieve this is to have everybody chasing a MacGuffin.

TIP 71 – Nobody answers questions the same way – An easy way to improve your dialogue is to make sure each character has their own vocabulary and unique way of speaking. For example, when our villain asks Jack Sparrow if he’s made himself clear, Jack doesn’t say, “Yes.” He says, “Inescapably.” Ask Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys the same question and he might have said, “Fuck you!” To get the hang of this, ask your five biggest characters a question (i.e. ”How are you feeling today?”). Each character should answer differently.

TIP 72 – The essence of a character description – Although it’s not required, I find that some of the best character descriptions ignore physical traits and focus instead on the character’s essence. For example, Norrington (the man who wants to marry Elizabeth) is described as “Royal Navy to the core.” Another character is described as “born old.” Notice that these descriptions don’t detail any physical traits (i.e. “wrinkled forehead and tired eyes”), yet we still have a great visual of them.

TIP 73 – MIDPOINT SHIFT – Pirates has a great and memorable midpoint shift. We learn that all the pirates are ghosts!

TIP 74 – Use underlining in screenwriting like you would a close-up in a movie – Underlining in scripts is used to tell the reader that this here is important, so remember it for later. Keep in mind that readers read fast, oftentimes skimming through action paragraphs. So if you have something important you don’t want them to miss, it’s a good idea to underline it. On page 41, we see this underlined: “Where they enter the moonlight, Koehler’s wrist and hand are skeletal.” It’s an important detail, hence the underline. Just remember to use underlining sparingly or else it loses its effect. It’s only used about five times in Pirates.

TIP 75 – POWER TIP – Are your characters “dialogue-friendly?” – Try as you may, try as you might, you’re always limited to the vocabulary and personality of the characters you’ve created. Will (Orlando Bloom) is never going to say anything that interesting. He’s not that kind of character. Jack, on the other hand, has something interesting/funny/witty/weird to say every time he opens his mouth. That’s why almost all dialogue scenes with Jack jump off the page. He’s “dialogue friendly.” If the dialogue in your script sucks, you may want to see if you have enough “dialogue-friendly” characters.

TIP 76 – Replace your cliché character trait with an unexpected character trait – Whenever you create a character, try to give him at least one trait that goes against what you’d normally expect from that character. Jack Sparrow, for example, is a pirate. We have many preconceived notions about pirates. They’re mean. They’re nasty. They’re rude. Jack, on the other hand, is bumbling, goofy, and awkward. That’s so…not pirate-y, which is why it’s so genius. It makes Jack’s character unique. This is one of the quickest ways to create a memorable character, so use it often!

TIP 77 – “A character who wants something badly and is having trouble getting it.” – If your story ever gets boring, if it’s ever in need of a seeing eye dog, go back to the above mantra. Take a look at Pirates. That credo is what makes the entire movie work. Jack Sparrow comes to town to get a boat but he has trouble getting it. Jack and Will try to save Elizabeth, but they have trouble saving her. The pirates attempt to end the curse, but they have trouble ending it. If you don’t have characters that want something badly, but are having trouble getting it, you probably don’t have a movie.

TIP 78 – If a character doesn’t have a flaw, give him something from his past he’s trying to resolve – Not every major character has a fatal flaw, but every major character should have something they’re trying to resolve before the story is over. An unresolved issue from one’s past is a nice substitute for a fatal flaw. Here, Will must come to terms with the fact that his father was a member of the very people he despises the most: pirates.

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