Okay, I’m going to be honest. I have an ulterior motive for today’s “10 Tips” post. Toy Story 3 was written by Michael Arndt. And as Star Wars geeks all know, well, Arndt is writing the new Star Wars film. So I guess I’m checking up on him. Now here’s the thing with Arndt. There are folks out there who have complained he’s a little too technical in his writing approach. To them, his movies feel “constructed” and “written,” and I’m trying to figure out why that is. I suppose Arndt struggled for a long time to break into the business (which he finally did with Little Miss Sunshine) and therefore had a lot of time to study screenplays. When you study the craft for that long, you get to know the innards of a screenplay really well. That vast knowledge may explain his uber-dependence on his craft. Having said that, I don’t share that point of view. I think Arndt is a really good screenwriter and was relieved when he got the Star Wars job because I knew, at the very least, the script wouldn’t suck. We had no such guarantees with the last three Star Wars films. For those unfamiliar with Arndt’s work, he wrote Little Miss Sunshine, Brave, Oblivion, and the upcoming, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

1) What is structure? – When we talk about structure, we’re typically talking about the three major acts your story will be divided into (setup, conflict, resolution), the goals driving your characters forward (the toys must get back to Andy before he leaves for college!), stakes and urgency (They have less than a week to get back to Andy. If they don’t, they’re stuck in this prison daycare center forever!), the major story beats along the way (i.e. Lotso is revealed to be an evil dictator!), and your character arcs (Woody must learn to let go of Andy!). These things need to be appropriately paced in order to keep your story interesting for its entire running time. A lack of (or a badly executed) structure will always result in your audience getting bored early.

2) The Structure Paradox – Here’s something I recently realized after reading a bout of bad scripts. The writers who don’t know structure are the ones who need to focus on it. And the writers who obsess over structure are the ones who need to pull back from it. Beginner writers want to blaze their own trails, do it “their way,” and ignore 100 years worth of storytelling knowledge. The problem is, they don’t know enough about structure to go against it, so their scripts are usually rambling, incoherent, and unfocused. Experienced writers, on the other hand, know how important structure is and therefore make it a priority. The problem with them is that they depend on it too much, which means their scripts lose any and all unpredictability, resulting in a lot of “run-of-the-mill” stories. It’s okay to break away from a planned story beat every once in awhile or have your character do something out-of-character. So if you’re a beginner, embrace structure. If you’re a vet, resist it every once in awhile. Your writing will get better.

3) The Invisible Man – Structure is the beams, the foundation, of your script. But just like a building, you don’t leave all those beams exposed, do you? No, you cover them up with walls, paint, pictures, plants, bookcases, until it’s impossible to imagine the skeletal framework it used to be. Screenplays are no different. You add the structure (the acts, the goals, the character arcs) and then you start exploring relationships, seamlessly transitioning your scenes, adding realistic dialogue, all the things that make that structure invisible. Being able to incorporate structure is great. Being able to incorporate structure INVISBLY is what separates the pros from the nos.

4) Real writers cover – Arndt says that a big part of his improvement as a writer came from covering scripts for production companies (meaning he read and broke down a script’s strengths and weaknesses). Having a gut reaction on a screenplay or a movie (“That script sucked”) doesn’t help you as a writer. It’s only when you specifically break down WHY it didn’t work for you that you begin to understand the inner workings of a screenplay. So if you’re not already, read some spec sale scripts and cover them. Or read the Amateur Offerings scripts (which I post every Saturday) and give your analysis in the comments section. Or give detailed notes to your friends on their scripts. However you go about it, analytically breaking down screenplays is going to make you a better screenwriter.

5) CONFLICT ALERT – Remember that conflict should be present in every single scene in your movie. An example of it here is when the toys arrive at the Sunnyside Day Care Center. All the toys are excited that they’ll now have a place to be played with. Everyone EXCEPT for Woody that is. Woody thinks they need to be back with their owner, Andy. His resistance adds the necessary conflict to keep the scenes lively. If everyone agrees they should be here, how interesting is that?

6) Set up expectations, then reverse them – Setting up expectations is a neat little tool you can use to juice up any part of your script. For example, when the toys are on their way to Sunnyside, Woody warns the others that it’s going to be terrible there. That’s the expectation. But they get there and it’s wonderful! Expectation reversed! Lotso the Bear is another expectation. He’s presented as a wonderful helpful leader. All the toys love this guy! But he turns out to be a heartless dictator. Expectations are essentially story twists, and since you always need 3-6 twists in every script, they’re a good tool to have at your disposal.

7) Dialogue Tip: Tweak well-known phrases – Well-known sayings or phrases are fun (“Are you ready?” “I’ve been ready my whole life.”). But in movies, you want to tweak them and make them unique to your characters. So at one point in Toy Story 3, Mr. Potato Head retrieves his old body. The well-known phrase he uses is, “You’re a sight for sore eyes.” The line, however, is tweaked to, “You’re a sight for detachable eyes.”

8) Michael Arndt never writes a script unless he knows the ending – If you know where your script ends, it’s much easier to plot it, since you know where all your characters need to end up. So if you want to make things easier on yourself, figure out your ending before you start.

9) A character’s disposition shouldn’t always match his appearance –Toy Story has made an entire franchise out of this, but it’s a great practice to use, even if you’re not writing an animated feature. Try to give a few of your characters traits that are the opposite of their appearance. So the T-Rex is a scaredy cat. The big cuddly pink bear is an evil dictator. His main henchman is a baby. Or, since JJ’s directing Arndt’s current Star Wars script, let’s look at JJ’s Lost. Sawyer, the big bully on the island, is an avid book reader. This practice almost always makes characters more interesting.

10) A Deus-Ex-Machina ending can work IF it’s properly set up – In the end of Toy Story 3 (spoiler alert!), the toys are about to fall into an incinerator when a GIANT CLAW comes down to save them. A total deus-ex-machina moment (the characters do nothing to get out of their own predicament. They’re saved by someone else). BUT, that claw happens to be operated by the little aliens who our characters first encountered in the original Toy Story (they were in the “Claw-Machine” at the arcade). Granted it was a bit of a cheat to use something set up 2 movies ago. But the point is, it WAS a payoff and therefore the deus-ex-machina did not feel like a deus-ex-machina.

Submit your own script for a review!: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, along with the title, genre, logline, and finally, something interesting about yourself and/or your script that you’d like us to post along with the script if it gets reviewed. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Remember that your script will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.

Genre: Sci-fi
Premise: (from writer) A team of scientists at an Antarctic research facility unleashes a deadly prehistoric creature from two miles beneath the ice.
Why you should read: (from writer) “The script was a ‘Featured Submission’ on Triggerstreet and top three in Zoetrope’s monthly competition, so I believe it’s on the right track. A solid script that could make a solid film if paired with the right filmmaker.”
Writer: Richard McMahon
Details: 103 pages

Except for Tuesday, this week has been all about the drama. Heck, there’s been more drama than a season of Housewives of New Jersey. Prisoners, Captain Phillips, Promised Land. And I’ll tell ya, it’s gotten me all drama’d out. That’s the thing with drama – it sucks all the energy out of you. So I was excited, today, to read something that actually had some “movie” in it. I wrote about PDA a few weeks ago, and without reading a single page of Volstok, I can tell you it already has the P and the D.

But just picking a marketable idea doesn’t get you to the front of the line. You’re still going to have to go through security like everyone else. And that’s where you’re going to find out whether you forgot to put your wallet and your cell phone in the x-ray trays. Okay, that wasn’t the best analogy, but give me a break — it’s the end of the week and I’m tired and Miss SS is making me go see Don Jon, which I’m convinced will be a one-note script that probably would’ve been relevant when porn first hit the internet in, say… 1999? When you eagerly waited for those GIFS to slowly load, vertical chunk by vertical chunk until that entire wonderful NSFW picture laid before you? It didn’t matter if the woman was 300 pounds and had a tumor growing out of her neck.  Just the fact that you were downloading a naked picture on the internet was sooooo coooool.  Yup, definitely the end of the week. Let’s get to Vostok!

We’re out in the middle of Antarctica, a place where heat stroke and sunscreen aren’t in the vocabulary. The Vostok Research Facility has been working diligently towards drilling 3700 meters down to the last giant unknown lake in the world. It’s such a big deal that all the media outlets are sending their people in for the big break-through. Well, that was the plan anyway, until a major Antarctic storm (since just BEING in Antarctica is a storm, I can only imagine what a real storm there would be like) ruins their plans. Oh well, they’ll have to wait another six months until the media can grace them with their presence again.

Not so fast says our hero Gus Downey, a 50 year old marine biologist. What if they just drilled into the lake anyway! Bad idea, says the rest of the crew, including Abby, Gus’s lover. They could get in a lot of trouble for that. In fact, one of the facility’s crew members jumps up and reveals he’s been secretly sent here to make sure Gus doesn’t try any such tricks. Except Gus doesn’t care. “Go ahead and try and stop me,” he says, and starts the drilling.

They drill through the final round of ice and after accidentally contaminating the lake (a big no-no in the science community I guess), everything seems to be okay. They then start studying microbes from the lake. Unfortunately, while this is happening, crew members start dying one by one, including the nice French guy (Richard must have been inspired by my French Week). Eventually they learn that some giant lizard-like piranha creature has fused with one of their crew members and is now… well… EATING everybody.

This becomes personal when Piranha Thing eats Boris, the Russian father of crew-member Victor. Victor takes this very seriously and does his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, going out to hunt the thing. The rest of the crew-members would rather just wait it out, but when the creature knocks out the power, they have no choice but to go outside – where the creature lurks – to turn on the backup generators. I don’t think I have to tell you that this probably isn’t going to end well.

The contained thriller monster pic is one of the oldest and most dependable genres in the book. You’ve got The Thing. You’ve got Alien. Descent. Jurassic Park. The list goes on. Here’s the thing with this genre, though: It’s so formulaic that if you don’t do something unique with it – if you don’t try to set your movie apart from all the other contained monster thrillers – it’ll get stuck in Samesville, a script purgatory of sorts where many scripts go to disappear. And unfortunately, I believe that’s what’s happened with Volstok.

I think it’s good to wear your influences on your sleeve. But there’s a difference between being influenced and rewriting your favorite movie. Volstok is way too similar to The Thing and Alien. We’re out in the middle of Antarctica. Strange monsters are infesting human bodies, using them to grow into vicious hybrids. The big danger in that is not only are you not giving your reader something original. But you’re asking him to compare your script to one of the best movies of all time. And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Your movie will lose. Those movies are the best for a reason. Cause they’re awesome! That’s why I advocate being original so much. Because that way nobody can compare your script to something else. I mean, all I kept thinking here was, “The Thing was better because they had that element of ‘any one of them can be the monster.’” Volstok didn’t have that layer, giving it a “not-as-complex” tag.

The thing is, the writing itself here, while it doesn’t set the world on fire, is pretty darn good. Richard’s clearly written a number of scripts and knows how to work with in the screenwriting medium. The paragraphs are sparse and to the point. The story moves quickly (except for one part – which I’ll get to in a sec). He’s created something that can be marketed and sold.

I’m afraid he’s only put about 60% of himself into Vostok though. It feels like something that was thrown together quickly. I don’t get a sense of depth with this world, especially when it comes to the characters. Nobody has any deep-set problems or flaws or issues. The problems only come AFTER the creatures arrive. Yeah, Gus is an alcoholic but it feels tacked on. I didn’t even know he was an alcoholic until one of the characters told me. That’s the kiss of death, when a character has to tell you something. It should’ve been clearly SHOWN. When a supply crew shows up, have him take the guy around back and give him an extra $200, where we see the supply guy secretly give him a big stash of whiskey.

I think that’s something that hurt the script as well. There weren’t really any surprises. Everything kind of went by the book for this kind of script and that’s a killer because, again, you’re writing in a genre that EVERYBODY writes in. So you have to work the story more. I mean just last night in my newsletter I reviewed a script called Flower about a messed up teenage girl who starts a weird relationship with her step-brother. That was just a basic character piece and there were ALL SORTS of weird twists and turns in the script. If writers are throwing twists, turns, reversals, surprises, and secrets into character-pieces, you better bet that you need them in something like Volstok, which is strictly plot-driven.

I guess, to summarize, this script was too simple. It didn’t go beyond the call of duty. I didn’t get the impression that the writer shed any blood, sweat, or tears while writing this. You have to push yourself to come up with an original take on an old idea, then continue to push yourself to come up with original variations of the formula itself. Look at The Descent. Nobody had done a deep cave monster-in-a-box thriller before. That’s why that movie stood out. If I were Richard, I’d start with writing down 10 ideas to make Volstok unlike any of these films we’ve seen before. Just by doing that simple exercise, I guarantee you the script will start to separate itself from the pack.

Script link: Vostok

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Beware the “pausing” phenomenon. “Pausing” is when you’re trying to follow specific page number beats (i.e., the inciting incident on page 12, the first act turn on page 25 or 27) and you don’t have enough material to get to those beats, so you “pause,” writing in a bunch of filler until you get to those page numbers. That happened here in my opinion. The first act turn, Gus and crew deciding to drill into the lake, happens around page 29. But in my opinion, it was a total pause. The previous 10-15 pages were all filler and we could’ve gotten to this moment way sooner. Don’t be a slave to your page number beats. If the script feels like it’s reaching a point faster than it should, go with it and come up with other options for the following story beats, because readers can tell when you’re writing filler. Beware the pause!

Genre: TV show/Sci-fi
Premise: (from IMDB) In a not-so-distant future, human cops and androids partner up to protect and serve.
About: This is one of the hot new shows coming out of JJ Abrams’ company, Bad Robot. It will be premiering on Fox in, I believe, November. The writer, J.H. Wyman, is a producer, writer, director, and actor, although he’s most recently been the showrunner on the cult hit, Fringe. It seems logical, then, that he’d come back to Fox with his next project.
Writer: J. H. Wyman
Details: 65 pages

Another Bad Robot (JJ Abrams) project? I’m in! I have made no secret of the fact that I am in love with this man and his career to an unhealthy degree. I love that he’s thinking outside the box on everything he does, going so far as to publish a book that isn’t even about the book, but the back and forth notes two friends leave each other in the margins while swapping the book. He’s found a way to break the fourth wall in books! Is there anything this guy can’t do?! (maybe get that book to work in e-book form?)

But, if we’re being honest, the one JJ show I didn’t get was Fringe. You know that moment that happens when you’re watching a show where you realize you’re done with it? It happens and you’re like, “Okay, never going to watch this again.” With Fringe, it was the first episode. The whole thing with the plane with all the dead people in some decaying weird liquidy state? I didn’t get it. And they didn’t do a good job explaining why it happened either. If you’re going to have a show about weird things and the explanation of those weird things, haven’t you failed if you don’t successfully explain the weird thing that happened on the very first show?

And you know, JJ hasn’t lit the TV world on fire since Lost. Undercovers and Alcatraz weren’t very good. I guess Person of Interest and Revolution have their audiences, but I haven’t connected with either. I mean, sure, I’m like anyone. I want the next Lost, despite Losts not coming around very often. But I’ll settle for a show that I genuinely want to tune into every week. Let’s see if Almost Human is that show…

30-something John Kennex is a Los Angeles cop in the year 2043. From the little description of the city we get, it’s basically a lot like Blade Runner’s LA. Speaking of Blade Runner, the cop world has been turned on its head as now we have robots in the police force. These robots may look like normal people, but they’re all nuts and bolts inside. Not surprisingly, John HATES robot cops and refuses to work with them. They’re, like, replacing all his friends in the force!

John’s big obsession at the moment is something called the Insyndicate, a crime organization that’s selling lots of drugs in the city. His investigation into them is going great until his pregnant wife is kidnapped and killed! The Insyndicate specifically offed her to send a message to John. Stop coming after us. But here’s the kicker. After the murder, the Insyndicate disappears. Like, wiped off the face of the earth. Huh?

Cut to a few years later and, despite the whole wife-murder thing, John is still coming to work every day to protect and serve. After doing a routine stop, John finds some guy tripping out on a new drug that alters people’s DNA. You literally start changing into other people. The trippy drug looks like a big problem so the LAPD starts looking into it.

In the meantime, John can no longer operate without a partner, so he teams up with one of the bots. But here’s the catch. He wants one of the earliest models since he believes they might have recorded police info on his wife’s murder. The problem is these early models have glitches, big mood stabilizing issues. They’re unpredictable and aren’t even supposed to be on the street anymore. But John says that’s the only bot he’s working with.

Enter Dorian, a sad-looking male robot (why he has a girl’s name, I don’t know). Dorian was about to be sent to LAX for manual labor the rest of his life. He’s thankful that John gave him another shot. The thing with Dorian is, he seems quite life-like. Whereas the newest generation of robots are very… robotic, Dorian was created during a time where the robots were meant to be more like people. For this reason, John starts to like him. But it all comes down to, will he be able to do the job? And, more importantly, will he be able to help John find the people who killed his wife?

Writing a TV show that gets on the air is not that different from selling a spec screenplay. You have to find an idea that’s already been done and add a little twist to it. But in television, it’s a little simpler because television is dominated by cop, hospital, and lawyer shows. So you merely find something from one of these “genres” that hasn’t been done before. You find a new spin. Almost Human finds that spin. A cop show (which TV eats up) with robot cops in the mix. Easy to see why this was picked up.

Where you take it from there is tricky though. The landscape of TV is changing rapidly. Edgier and edgier shows are finding their way onto the small screen due to all these cable channels looking for original material. However, the Big 4 networks are still playing everything safe. So you have to make a decision when you write: Do you want to write something for the networks or for cable? Because what will benefit you on one will alienate you to another.

What I mean is, Almost Human is very generic beyond the original premise. Much like The Blacklist, it’s laced with strands of “safe” everywhere you turn. I mean here you have two shows where, if they were in the real world, things would get really gnarly. But in the hands of NBC and FOX, you know everything’s going to be okay in the end. And since there’s never really a sense of danger, a sense of chances being taken, the show never grabs you.

I mean look at Breaking Bad. You have a high school teacher with a normal family making meth and eventually becoming a drug lord. That’s a world where, when I sit down every week, I have no idea what’s going to happen, because that choice isn’t something you see on TV often. My point being, when you sit down to write your pilot, you have to decide if it’s going to be a safe network kind of a show or a show that pushes the boundaries.

Having said that, I think Almost Human could’ve still pushed the envelope more. There’s something goofy about the name “The Insyndicate,” but more importantly, I wasn’t really scared of them. The DNA drug stuff they were selling was kind of cool, but they were just your garden variety TV bad guys. I mean did you meet Tuco on Breaking Bad? That guy was the scariest dude I’ve ever seen on TV. They took a chance by creating that psycho. The Insyndicate guys feel like the gun-wielding extras you see getting shredded in the background of your favorite crime flick.

BUT, the show still does a lot right. We have a highly motivated main character, John. One of the EASIEST ways to create sympathy for a hero is to kill off one of their loved ones. So we immediately like this guy and understand why he’s so driven to take down the bad guys.

I also LOVED that John picks out a first generation robot that was discontinued. Whenever you read anything, you want to feel like the writer’s created a deep world. The fact that we’re already three-generations deep into these robot cops and that the first ones were discontinued because of mood problems – that tells me J. H. has really thought through this world. It also makes Dorian a lot more interesting because we’re sitting there going, “Okay, when is this guy going to lose it?” Had J. H. gone with a straight-forward robot who talked in a monotone voice and did everything exactly by the book, that would’ve been predictable and boring.

Whether Almost Human becomes a one-time watch or an essential part of my TV viewing schedule will be determined by the chances it takes (or doesn’t take). The first episode is played too safe. I mean who didn’t see it coming (spoiler) that the wife was still alive? The reason I watched Lost was because something big would happen on every episode that I didn’t expect. I don’t know if Almost Human is set up that way. But it’s going to need to be if it’s got a shot at surviving. Even Flyover Country can spot a generic show that doesn’t push the envelope or try anything new.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The mythology of a TV show must be MUCH DEEPER than that of a film because you’re creating a 100-hour story as opposed to a 2 hour one. So I’d recommend sitting down and writing at least 30 (single-spaced) pages about your world and how it came to be, even if it’s not sci-fi or fantasy. Because we’ll be able to tell if you haven’t done any work on your world. Everything will feel thin and “made-up-on-the-spot” to the reader. The three generations of robot cops, the problems with the first generation, all that stuff in Almost Human told me that J. H. had done his homework and really understood this world. I suggest you do the same.

Many of you may remember that a couple of months ago, I fell in love with an amateur script called “Where Angels Die.”  Since that time the writer, Alex Felix, has secured management at Energy and Station Three, and representation at CAA.  I sat down with Alex in Culver City last week to interview him about how he got here. Yesterday was part 1 of the interview.  Today is the second half.  Enjoy!

SS: Okay, Let’s get to the good stuff. Where Angels Die is reviewed on the site–
AF: Should I order a vodka shot for this part? We are at a bar…

SS: [laughs] What happened after that? Everybody’s interested in the process of what happens once you write something good and the industry recognizes it. What happened with you?
AF: With me, I had the great review from you, which helped tremendously. You put the script in the spotlight for sure.

SS: You got a crazy email from me at like five in the morning I think.
AF: Yeah, [laughs] you had just eaten your blue cheese. It was more than a little strange getting that e-mail. As much as some people will say that you’re a polarizing figure, when you give a script a great review, everyone wants to read it. People can argue about how you go about things, but the cold hard fact is you give a script an impressive, everyone wants to know about it.

SS: I don’t know what you mean by this polarizing thing.
AF: [laughs] Getting into the story of what happened– I got contacted by a couple of producers, Brooklyn Weaver right off the bat. And Roy Lee. They wanted permission to send the script around town and I said, “Shit, I better get out to LA.”

SS: But you were planning on coming out here anyway, so it was–
AF: A catalyst, yeah. Like someone had taken a big can of gasoline…

So, I came out and I have a family friend, Eric Brown, who wrote Hemingway Boy, and who’s repped by Thomas Carter at Station 3, and the first bit of advice I’d gotten was get a good manager, someone you can trust, and when I met Thomas, everything clicked. I also met with Kailey Marsh who works there. They said they wanted to co-manage me, and we spoke about it to Brooklyn as well. And he and Kailey used to work together and have a long-standing history. And everybody just decided, let’s try it, let’s go for it, it was a divide and conquer mentality. Brooklyn has certain people he knows, Kailey has her own contacts, and Thomas is really big in the TV arena — and I also write TV. So what can I say, I’m ecstatic. I’ve got a team behind me, and as a new writer, coming out here, it’s a great feeling to have.

SS: Tell me how you went from getting managers to getting agents. Because getting agents at an agency like CAA is really hard unless you’re already working or have something lined up. I know people who have sold things before who can’t even get a call back from CAA.
AF: I think you’re right. But at the same time there is a trend moving towards where if an agent finds something that they just fall in love with, they’re willing to take a chance on you. There’s also competition to get up-and-coming talent. But yeah, my managers helped out tremendously getting me meetings, and every manager has relationships at certain agencies. With CAA in particular, Matt & Alexandra had both read the script separately and reached out.

SS: So Matt and Alexandra are your agents at CAA?
AF: Yeah. Apparently they were at lunch discussing, “Hey, have you read anything good lately,” and Matt said “Yeah there was actually one script I got my hands on and it was really different and I loved the writer’s voice and this and that” and then he told her and she said, “Wait! I just read that the other day and I loved it too!” so they decided to contact the managers and team up and that was really cool.

SS: I wonder how they came about it?
AF: I’m not sure which channel exactly.

SS: But that’s a good thing if you don’t know how they found it. It means people like it enough to keep sending it around.
AF: Right. I had also taken meetings at other agencies and a lot of it is connecting with who’s the most enthusiastic about the project and you as a writer but also who, when you look at the packaging agencies, the Big 4, you look at the talent pool they have access to and the type of stuff they’re able to put together so you take that into consideration as well.

SS: Did you meet with any smaller agents as well?
AF: Absolutely.

SS: Because everybody wants to know, when they have that opportunity, do you go with the big guy where you might get swallowed up, or do you go with the small guy, who you know is going to champion you 24/7?
AF: Well, I have the best of both worlds right now because Alexandra and Matt, though they’re industry pros, they were promoted to agent status at CAA within the past year or two and they’re basically young and hungry like myself. I think they’re both looking for talent/clients whose careers they can grow, and I was looking for agents I could grow with as well. I really couldn’t have asked for more and I’m extremely grateful.

SS: It’s really hard to sell a script, naked, without anything attached, these days. I’m sure that went into your thinking with signing with CAA bc they can package things. So what is the next step? What is the thinking now that you have a couple of agents at CAA? What do they do with it? How does that whole process work?
AF: So CAA obviously reps a ton of actors and directors. One thing a writer can do is send their agent a wish list of directors and actors repped at that agency, but I think Matt and Alexandra are gonna go out and try and package talent they think will be as enthusiastic about the project as themselves, but who are also the right fit. The hardest part for me and for a lot of writers doing this for the first time is kind of realizing that the baton has been handed off so to speak. Basically letting go of the project, having confidence in your team, realizing that it won’t all happen overnight. Packaging can take months, even when everything is firing on all cylinders. So, as the writer, I can sit around and worry… ‘Well what are they doing? Who are they sending to? What’s going on with it?’ And constantly emailing and being annoying. Or instead just checking in every couple of weeks and letting them do their thing. I did my part. Now they’re gonna do their part, and hopefully they come back with a couple of different packages they’re excited about. But at the end of the day, that’s what’s probably hardest for first timers and I’ve definitely been making an effort to temper that part of me, to step back. Because it’s your baby for so long. You care so much. But if you trust your agents and managers, you have to trust they’re going to approach the right people with it… either that or you risk annoying the hell out everybody (laughs).

SS: I’m always curious– and I don’t know if you’d know this– but I’m always curious because in a big agency like CAA, these younger agents that are representing you, they’re sort of fighting to make their way up as well. How much influence do they have to get it to somebody like Bradley Cooper or somebody like, a big director who’s there?  I’m always curious can they just do that? Or is CAA like, ‘No, you guys aren’t big enough yet.”
AF: Not at all. From my understanding, agencies, and CAA specifically, is very team oriented. They have several team meetings per week with all the agents where they discuss new projects and new clients and it doesn’t matter if the agent was just promoted last year or has been an agent for 20 yrs. Everybody goes to these meetings and they’re basically spit-balling different ideas back and forth and with any agent at any agency, everybody’s got A) their clients on their mind and B) the success of the agency as a whole. So to answer that question, any agent at CAA is going to have access to all of CAA’s talent pool. It’s a team effort. It’s their mission at the end of the day, so if a great project comes together, that positive momentum affects everyone, it’s a win for everyone. You sometimes even hear about agencies reaching across the aisle (to another agency) and if there’s one director they really want for a project but they rep the writer, you might even hear about that happening. It’s not as common, but it happens.

SS: You’ve done all that you can do on your end with Angels and now they’re sort of carrying the torch and trying to figure that out– what do you do in the mean time?
AF: The thing to do so you don’t go crazy is to keep writing.

SS: You’ve met a bunch of industry people through this process. Are you pitching these people? Are you pitching every time you go out? How do you approach that?
AF: Yeah, you have to be tasteful about it, though. You never want to go in there and make the hard sell. It usually comes up casually near the end when the meeting is– at some point it’s gonna come up, ‘So! what’s in the cards now?’ You then kind of let them know a couple things you’re working on that you’re excited about. Obviously discuss it with your managers first and get the okay. But everyone wants to know you’re prolific and you’re not just going to say “well, I’ve got something that’s getting tons of traction so that’s money in the bank so why don’t I just go to the beach or party it up.’

SS: Have you been to the beach yet?
AF: Once and it was raining [laughs]. It started raining right when I got there. After I’d paid like $15 for parking, in my bathing suit, with my buddy, so yeah, beach and rain clouds. Definitely picked the wrong day. I’ve honestly been holed up writing at Barney’s Beanery or my apartment or whatever Starbucks I see as I’m driving. Those have been the main locations.

SS: Barney’s is like, where you go to get wasted.
AF: I like it during the day, when it’s not busy, in a corner booth. The chili is ridiculous.

[15 minute conversation about chili and food in general removed]

SS: So where are you living again?
AF: I’m living mid-city now. I don’t even know what that means.

[laughs]

SS: I don’t know what that means, either. Every time you’ve said that I’ve thought to myself, “What is he talking about?”

[laughing]

SS: What’s next? I know you can’t talk about specifics but let’s talk about specifics.
AF: [laughs] Yeah so there’s an original TV idea that my managers helped me sharpen that we’re working on right now and that’s another cool thing about having managers is you can send them ideas and log lines and you’ll see which ones they like. Trial by fire. That’s what’s great about having a team behind you. You see which ones they latch onto. After all, they’re in the business, they know what to look for. As far as the TV show, I’m working on that with a writing partner – a close friend I’ve been collaborating with for years on different projects. There are also two features in the works.

SS: I know you can’t give me the concept for the TV show but what about the premise and summary?
AF: [laughs] I can’t, sorry.

SS: I see.  No problem.  Hmmm, maybe you can tell me what it’s like then?  Is it like, for example, Breaking bad?
AF: I could tell you it’s dark and gritty? I wish I could tell ya more, trust me. Hopefully you’ll be hearing about it through the appropriate channels soon.

SS: Now, speaking of that, what is the next step with your TV pilot as far as pitching it? Cause there’s this whole seasonal thing with pitching that I don’t understand.
AF: You’ve got your broadcast networks and you’ve got cable. Cable you can pitch year round and I think pitching season for broadcast networks kinda wraps up around the end of November.

SS: So when did it start?
AF: I don’t know to be honest.

SS: But it’s going on right now?
AF: Yeah. And then for cable it’s year round and so, it just matters the type of show you’re trying to do. But really if you’re linked up with people who work in the TV space and the concept’s original and it lends itself to your voice and you know you’ve built a cool world and characters people care about, definitely right now with TV, people are buying. I would encourage writers who have only ever done features to maybe give the TV thing a shot.

SS: I’ve been seeing TV in a whole new light. It just seems exciting. I don’t understand it as much, so I feel like there’s a lot more to learn.
AF: Well, what’s cool about TV is it’s very character-driven.

SS: Right.
AF: You really get to know the characters. If you watch a show for six seasons, one of my managers brought this up, while he was re-watching the Sopranos, he spent more time with Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts than some of his real friends. It’s also a challenge, because aside from the characters having to be really on point, it’s not just this neat little package with a beginning, a middle, and an end, it’s “What’s next?” “What’s next season?” “What new characters are we bringing in?” “What characters are we killing off?” I think it’s a great way for writers to challenge themselves. I would tell everybody on SS who has never tried TV – I just don’t see how trying it could hurt. It makes you more versatile.

SS: I have to meet with my parole officer in a few minutes. Any last bit of wisdom for aspiring screenwriters?
AF: From my story, don’t give up. Literally, just don’t give up and that sounds super cliche but for me it really hits home. And continue to digest and read as much as possible, as many scripts as you can. I mean, I honestly read the site every day this isn’t just a plug for SS, but whether it’s your site or a different site you like that’s educational. Write as much as possible. Also don’t be afraid to open yourself up to working with other people and getting feedback from other people. All that good stuff.

Welcome to the week where I review Amateur TV pilots. This competition was held exclusively through my weekly newsletter. To make sure you’re aware of future writing contests and opportunities, sign up for the newsletter here.

Genre: Hour-long Drama
Premise: (from writer) In a world where superheroes are real, a shell-shocked journalist obsessively follows the exploits of a city’s new vigilante. All the President’s Men meets Heroes.
About: (from the writer) I’m a comic book nerd and I wanted to see what happens between the panels, to the people who have to live in a world of super-powered battles. The series will follow a vigilante, but through the eyes of a normal newspaper reporter, Eugene McGuire. The catch is that McGuire isn’t starry-eyed over the superheroes of his world. He doesn’t trust them. And if no one else is going to question these “walking weapons of mass destruction”, he will. Moreover, in The Times, figuring out the vigilante’s identity will be half the draw of the show. It’s the story that we would see if Superman was about Lois Lane.
Writer: Kyle Jones
Details: 55 pages

So how has Amateur TV Week been going so far? Not bad, I suppose. It’s forcing me to look harder at what’s on TV and why those shows are on TV and what kind of script to write to also get on TV. There’s definitely a similarity to looking for amateur features. A lot of the writers and pilots are pretty good. But “pretty good” isn’t good enough. This is the top of the heap. This is fucking Hollywood. Your pilot needs to knock someone over to get noticed. And too many of the pilots I’ve read feel like those safe middle-of-the-road episodes you get in the middle of the season that pass the time until the good season-ending stuff comes. They’re polite. But they’re not a PILOT. A pilot’s got to engross you. It’s gotta be fucking exciting or earth-shattering or mind-blowing or dramatically gobsmacking.  It’s got to make someone think they could build 100 episodes out of this. It’s got to make a viewer go, “Holy shit. I’m in.” You know when you love a show so much that you mentally block out the period of time next week when it’s on? That’s what a pilot needs to do.

There hasn’t been a pilot yet (from all the entries or the ones I’ve reviewed so far) that’s made me do that. Everything is about potential. And potential’s fine. Potential’s great. But you never know when potential is going to turn into fulfilled potential. So you’d prefer for a pilot to just be… ready. “The Times” felt like it could be ready. It had a big idea (superheroes) and it had a new spin (told from the perspective of mortals).  And it had some tight writing.  Now I’ve seen this kind of thing before. And it’s a tricky thing to get right. I mean, how are you going to convince us, in a world of really cool fucking superheroes, that it’s actually more interesting to follow a normal person? That guy better be the most fascinating person ever, because otherwise, you run the risk of a bewildered audience going, “Why aren’t we following one of the super heroes again?” Funny enough, this is the same curiosity I have for the Fall’s upcoming Avengers show. Now the advantage of that show is that they’re talking about super heroes we actually know. The Times is building its super-heroes from the ground up. Let’s see if it succeeds.

30-something Gene McGuire’s been a stellar journalist all his life. But at the moment, he’s just trying to find a job. He’s back from Afghanistan and the world over here is a little less exciting. Well that’s about to change. While at a job interview for a magazine, the building McGuire’s in blows up. Well, mostly up anyway. As McGuire stumbles around trying to save the few survivors, he sees two superheroes. One, a man who can become fire, and another, a masked vigilante.

The vigilante (superhero name: Vigilante) ends up saving McGuire but despite the near-death experience, he’s not fazed. You see, this is the world we live in. Superheroes (or meta-humans, as they’re called) run rampant. The bad ones kill people. The good ones save people. It’s kind of old hat by this point. Nobody points into the sky and says, ‘Look, it’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman!” It’s more like, “Is that Supes again? His hair is getting thin.”

McGuire’s quickly able to find a job at the city’s top newspaper, and starts looking into the bombing. What he finds is that the bad meta-humans were trying to destroy some biotech server on the floor below the magazine, which housed the DNA breakdown of their kind. You see, scientists are obsessed with learning the genetic code of these mutations so that, one day, anyone who wants to can become a superhero. The superheroes aren’t too keen on that.

McGuire becomes convinced that the key to finding out the deeper meaning of all this is to find Vigilante. So he heads to the recesses of the city’s underbelly where he ends up running into Fire Dude again. Fire Dude tries to kill him, but once again Vigilante comes to the rescue. Despite saving him twice now (I’m thinking he must have a human-crush on McGuire), Vigilante warns him to stop following him. He then disappears, and we’re left with McGuire. It’s clear Vigilante’s words have no effect on him. He will not be satiated until he knows who the mysterious crime-fighter is!

Okay, I’m not the president of the comic book geek squad, but I like a good comic book movie or TV show. Remember Heroes? That was awesome (for about 7 episodes – until it was clear the writers had no idea what they were doing).

The Times is a cool little pilot. But there’s something nagging at me here. There’s a certain… I don’t know… lack of sexiness. In trying to make the super hero world SOOOOOO nonchalant, I think Kyle’s actually gone too far. Part of the fun of these shows is watching the characters experience super-heroic acts for the first time and be wowed by them.

I get that that’s not this show, but I’m wondering if there’s a middle ground somewhere. Maybe a certain superhero (or villain) shows up and does something that no one’s seen before? Because otherwise, it’s all so bland. Everyone is so blasé about everything (McGuire isn’t even shaken after he’s saved by a superhero from a burning building!). And because they’re blasé about it, I’m blasé about it.

With that said, the pilot is well-written. And it does have a different take on superheroes. We’ve always known that Superman was secretly Clark Kent. That Batman was secretly Bruce Wayne. Imagine if we were one of the billions of people who didn’t know. I could see us wanting to find out.

Ahh, yet that was another issue I had with The Times. I think Kyle is banking too much on us wanting to find out the identity of Vigilante. To him, that’s going to be enough to drive interest through the entire series (or first season). I beg to differ. Remember, you’ve established that nobody cares about these superheroes (someone even says to McGuire – “No one wants to read about the Supers.”). And that blasé-ness is the exact same reason we (or at least, I) aren’t desperate to find out who he is.

So if I were Kyle, I’d try to come up with a mystery that’s much bigger. Like Lost. I want to see a bunch of people looking at a fucking big-ass thing in a forest and going, “What is this place?” I’m there for the long-haul after that. Once McGuire figured out why the building had been blown up (the supers were trying to destroy bio data), I was like, “What’s left to keep me reading?” All my questions had been answered. At that point, I was kind of done with the series.

You know, maybe it’s as simple as making Vigilante a new superhero. Instead of everyone being like, “Oh yeah, there’s that Vigilante guy again. I just saw him getting a burrito on 4th and Madison last night,” make him a new kind of superhero with a new approach. It’s the first superhero people can’t explain. Make people excited about it, wanting to know more about this guy. And because they’re excited, WE’LL be excited. And it will make sense for the story, because our main character’s a reporter. He wants to find out too (and am I the only one who’d like to see the lead change to a female for that situation?  Following Lois Lane in her quest to de-mask Superman?)

Ironically, Kyle, a self-professed comic book geek, may love comic book heroes so much that he’s become numb to them. Because that’s what this feels like. I don’t feel the passion on the page that a superhero lover would have. If we can get more passion, more sexiness, a bigger feel to this comic book show (keeping the same general approach to the material) it could be really good. I’m afraid that now, it’s a few damsel-in-distresses from being a worth the read.

Script link: The Times

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I never understand these dark shadow characters giving a puzzle to our hero instead of giving them the freaking information they need! Our secret shadowy informant (who knows everything) tries to help McGuire solve his case by saying, “Go back to the beginning. There’s something you’re not seeing.” Why the puzzle? There’s no logical reason whatsoever for the character to not just TELL HIM what the answer is. Writers do this because it’s cooler but it’s not realistic. That’s movie (or TV) logic. If a character has the information our hero needs and doesn’t tell him, there has to be a reason for it. Don’t just create a puzzle to make the plot cooler. It must make sense!