A spoon full of sugar wasn’t needed to make today’s screenplay go down. It looks like we have a new entry into the Top 25!

Genre: Drama
Premise: The story of how Walt Disney got the rights to Mary Poppins.
About: This script finished on last year’s Black List with 13 votes, so somewhere in the middle of the pack. It’s been getting a lot of heat lately because Tom Hanks has been circling the role of Walt Disney. And who couldn’t see that working? Kelly Marcel created the series Terra Nova. And she was also the script editor on the film “Bronson.” I have to admit, though, that I have no idea what a script editor is.
Writer: Kelly Marcel
Details: 109 pages (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

I’m about to drop a barrel of honesty on you guys. I wasn’t looking forward to this script. It had all the makings of a biopic. Dull play-by-play of successful folks facing “adversity” in their journey towards immortality. Awww, times were tough for you before you became a billionaire and achieved international fame and success? I’m sorry. However did you cope?

I only opened it because I thought Tom Hanks was perfect casting for Walt Disney. Wanted to see what he’d gotten all excited about.

P.L Travers, who has about six names in this script (besides P.L., she’s also Ginty, Pamela, Pam and I’m pretty sure a few others. What is this, a preview of Friday’s amateur entry, “We, Myself and I?”), is the creator of the Mary Poppins books back in the U.K. The books have been popular enough to give her a financially stable career, but the reality is, it’s been 20 years since they came out, and the money is running out. If Pamela doesn’t do something soon, she’s gonna be camping outside of Big Ben with a big cup of change.

So you’d think that the most popular movie maker in the world desperately wanting to turn her books into a movie would be “a spoonful of sugar” to her ears. Alas it is not. In fact, Walt Disney has been trying to secure the rights to Mary Poppins for 20 years now. And Pamela has never thought twice about it. The answer’s always been “no thank you.” Without the “thank you.” But times they are a changin’. Pamela needs a spoonful of money in her bank account. So she decides to go to America to hear Walt out.

Now Pamela is not a happy person. To give you an example, when she’s having trouble stuffing her baggage into the overhead bin on the plane, a woman with a baby kindly offers to move her own bag so Pamela can get situated. Once Pamela sits down, she turns to the helpful woman and says, “Is your baby going to be loud during the flight?” What a charmer.

Once Pamela gets to Disneyland, she’s greeted by her writing team, who’ve already written the script she must now approve. But Pamela isn’t interested in them. She came here to meet Walt Disney and that’s the only person she’s going to give any respect to.

When the two do meet, Walt Disney is as advertised. He’s a big kid, full of ideas and energy, optimistic to the core. In other words, the exact opposite of Pamela. Pamela quickly reminds him that she has script approval and if any of her demands are not met, she will cancel the movie immediately. Walt isn’t used to people making demands, but since this is the last leg of a race he’s been running for 20 years, he assures her that they’ll do everything they can to accommodate her.

One of my favorite moments in the script is when Pamela sits down to go over the script with the writers. She starts at the top of the first page: “Scene one. Exterior. 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London. Day.” She pauses. “Yes, that’s good. That can stay.” The writer looks at her incredulously, “That’s just the scene heading!” lol. Boy do I love screenplay humor!

As the script goes on, Pamela makes things as difficult as humanly possible for everybody involved in the project. For example, at one point she decides she doesn’t like the color red. So she makes a demand that there can be no red in the movie. Everybody is rightfully flabbergasted by this demand, but Walt Disney knows that he has no choice but to give her what she wants. So no red in Mary Poppins!

Probably the most daring decision Marcel made was to include flashbacks to Pamela’s life as a child. You guys know how I feel about flashbacks. They’re script killers. But if that wasn’t daring enough, Marcel decided to explore an alcoholic father in these flashbacks. The drunk father trope?? Uh-oh. A double dose of script killer!

And yet it’s handled beautifully! The best I’ve ever seen of anyone handling an alcoholic father. I’ll get into this more later but we learn that her issues with her father are the main reason she’s held onto Mary Poppins for so long.

So what did I think of Saving Mr. Banks? I loved it! Almost every single choice was perfect. I don’t even know where to begin and will probably start rambling but I’m very passionate about this screenplay so I’m just gonna wing it.

It all starts with an interesting protagonist. Pamela isn’t the most likable person in the world, but she’s intriguing. She has a huge flaw – that she’s untrusting of others. I’m still not sure why we’re occasionally attracted to characters like this (big meanies) but I think the fact that we all know people like Pamela helps us find her relatable. And in a way, we feel that if Pamela can overcome her flaw, that those friends of ours can overcome their flaws too! Or maybe we even see a bit of Pamela in ourselves. So we think WE can change.

The script also does a bang-up supercalfragilistamakespeealadocious job with conflict (come on, you knew I had to bust it out). Whenever you write a screenplay, you want to establish some sort of central conflict between two main characters. If you do that, it’s hard to make your story boring.

In this case, it’s Pamela and Walt. He’s on one side, desperately wanting to make this movie, and she’s on the other, intent on sabotaging any chance of the film being made. Even though she’s here to work with Walt, it’s clear that she has no intention of doing so. She will keep pushing and pushing and pushing until Walt gives up. Because the divide between the two wants is so great, the conflict is supercharged. And that’s what you want in a screenplay – supercharged conflict! Weak conflict rarely gets you anywhere.

But here’s the real thing that surprised me about Banks – the flashbacks. I thought for sure Marcel was digging her own grave when she did this, particularly when she wanted to focus on the alcoholic father. But I’ll tell you why this worked where so many other alcoholic father storylines die a quick cliché death. Are you ready?

Because she got specific.

We didn’t get the standard scenes of daddy coming home and beating mommy up then yelling at the daughter. Instead, we took a serious look at alcoholism. Her father, who’s the most loving man in the world, simply can’t stop drinking. No matter how hard he tries, he has no power against the disease. So even though he loves his daughter and his family and knows they’re falling apart around him, he keeps drinking. And it gets so bad that he’s eventually put on bed rest. Every day, then, Pamela has to wake up and see her father in this bed, weak, crippled, and still pining for his next drink. It was so detailed, so specific, so UNLIKE what we’ve seen before in these kinds of stories, that it resonated immensely.

And what’s great about this backstory is that it’s the reason Pamela created Mary Poppins. She needed a “Mary Poppins” to come in and save her when her father couldn’t. That’s why she didn’t want to give this book away. She was afraid of Walt Disney tainting and ruining this person who allowed her to make it through childhood.

I cannot stress how difficult it is to pull something like this off. I see so many writers try it and so many of them fail because you have to walk this thin line of not being too cliché and not being too melodramatic, yet still building those moments that have real emotion and connection. You have to take those chances of putting a little girl by her dying father’s bedside and write it in such a way that it doesn’t feel melodramatic or dishonest. Not easy!!!

But the script didn’t stop there. Another one of my favorite parts was Ralph the driver – who’s been hired to drive Pamela around while she’s in town. He couldn’t be more different from Pamela. He wakes up, excited for every day. He always sees the positive in everything. And he’s absolutely infatuated with the weather, particularly when it’s a sunny day outside. Of course Pamela hates him for it but he’s so damn earnest that she has no choice but to warm up to him. There’s a great moment near the end where we learn why Ralph is so obsessed with the weather, and if it doesn’t have you in tears, then I’m afraid you don’t have tear-ducts my friend.

And then there’s the monologue. When I say “the monologue,” I mean the best ending monologue I’ve maybe ever read in a screenplay. I’m going to get into a little bit of a spoiler here so you might want to turn around. But basically, Pamela leaves Disney World at the last second, deciding not to give Mary Poppins to Walt. When she gets home, she’s quickly disturbed by a knock on the door and when she answers it, there’s Walt Disney.

Walt then gives the most heartfelt convincing thoughtful meaningful plea as to why Pamela should give him the rights to the book. It’s so moving and so TRUE, that it grips your heart and won’t let go. I’ve seen so many of these ending monologues and they’re usually just a bunch of words that don’t matter. But this monologue/plea is so authentic and true and honest that *I* wanted to give the rights to *my* book up to Walt Disney. It was just such a great final moment for this character and without question, this reason Tom Hanks signed on.

I loved this script!

[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive (Top 25!)
[ ] genius

What I learned: Whenever you have to write a big moment in your screenplay where one character has to convince another character of something, such as the ending monologue in Saving Mr. Banks, you want to step out of the fictional world, and bring the argument into the real world. Write the argument as if you’re trying to convince A REAL PERSON. And not just any real person – a person who has already made up their mind to say no to you. Because if you try to write your argument to a fictional person, it will be fictionally convincing. You know you don’t have to be that persuasive cause all you have to do is write “Sounds good to me” from the other character after it’s over. Push harder. Make that argument REAL WORLD convincing.

The “X-Men: First Class” co-screenwriter talks screenwriting and her latest movie, The Woman In Black, with Scriptshadow.

 

Jane Goldman has had the kind of screenwriting career most writers dream of.  She co-wrote “Stardust,” “Kick-Ass,” “X-Men: First Class,” and most recently, “The Debt,” all with Matthew Vaughn.  This week, she offers her first solo screenwriting effort, an adaptation of “The Woman in Black,” about a young lawyer who travels to a town only to find out it’s being haunted by the ghost of a scorned woman.  The movie stars Daniel Radcliffe and comes out next weekend. 

SS: You seem to have a lot of different career opportunities (presenter, model, producer, etc.). What is it that draws you to screenwriting, a path that’s more low-key and that some might say doesn’t get nearly as much recognition as those other ventures?

JG: I’m honestly the least ambitious person I know in terms of a desire for recognition – the idea of being “known” has not only never appealed to me, but actually gives me panic attacks, as I’m chronically shy!

I’ve occasionally strayed off the writing career path as and when opportunities have presented themselves, but writing is what I’ve done my whole life, and what I wanted to do ever since I was a child.

I started freelancing while I was still at school – I used to spend my summer vacations hanging around in magazine office lobbies badgering features editors, which miraculously paid off! When I left school, my first full-time job was as a junior reporter on a newspaper and from there I moved on to working for magazines and writing books (eight non-fiction titles and one novel) before I wound up moving into screenwriting six years ago.

Along the way, I got offered various other jobs in other areas, and I always think it’s worth giving things a shot out of curiosity or just for fun. In the case of TV presenting, I turned out to be pretty crap at it and really didn’t enjoy being on the “wrong” side of the camera! Producing I love, however, and it’s the one other thing I still do when I can, alongside screenwriting.

I genuinely prefer the notion of a low-key career, as I’ve never craved recognition, and with screenwriting, I especially like the fact that you are part of a team rather than having to push yourself forward as an individual.

SS: I have a large UK following and a lot of UK’ers ask me how to break into Hollywood from another country. Can you give any advice to those trying to make it from the UK (or any other country)?

JG: My advice would be to do the very best work you can in order to break in to the film industry in your own country first, as anyone whose work has had even a small measure of success and recognition in their own country will likely be approached by US agents offering representation. Or at the very least, you can legitimately approach US agents yourself. I’d say that’s a far swifter and less stressful approach than moving to LA and trying to get a foot in the door without having anything substantial as a calling card.

The UK has the huge advantage of having radio as a very accessible stepping stone for writers, leading to getting an agent and opening doors into TV and film. But in these days of cheap HD cameras and Youtube there’s also always the option of just getting out there and making a low budget short – write something wonderful and find an aspiring director to make it, or even direct it yourself.

I thought the character development in X-Men was some of the best I’ve ever seen in a superhero movie. What’s your approach to building characters and what do you think the key is to creating a truly memorable character? 

JG: Thank you SO much, that’s extremely kind of you! My initial approach is quite clinical and technical, in trying to make sure that a character has enough traits, complexities and flaws that they feel three dimensional. If I were trying to describe my best friend to you, I’d probably be able to reel off five or six adjectives or phrases without having to think too hard, so my aim would always be to strive for a similar level of detail in a fictional character, even if some of that detail never makes it onto the page. Ideally, you want to know your character so well that you know exactly what they’d do in any given situation. Then the next step is ensuring that all your characters who interact have traits that spark off one another – you want them to push each others buttons, yank one another out of their comfort zones, force each other to see things they don’t want to see. You want them to provide each other with obstacles or be catalysts for change – even the ones who get along.

Putting a touch of yourself, or people you’re close to, into your characters obviously doesn’t hurt either, in terms of making characters who feel real and relatable, and that’s certainly something I – and I think most writers – do.

Being objective, I’d say the key to creating a memorable character is to create someone with familiar traits, but in an uncommon combination, or someone who is a recognizable archetype with a surprising twist. For instance, one of my favorite characters is Maude from Harold and Maude. She’s the archetypal eccentric free spirit with a passion for life and scant regard for law or convention, and if she was also young and pretty with dyed hair and crazy clothes and too much mascara, it would all be eye-rollingly tedious, but the fact that she’s an octogenarian (and, it’s hinted, a holocaust survivor) makes her character fresh, affecting, extraordinary. By the same token, so many memorable characters play the game of combining traits you’d normally use in creating an unlikeable character, with other traits that make you adore them despite yourself – Ferris Bueller is a spoilt, manipulative rich kid who does whatever he wants, Melvin Udall from As Good As It Gets is a rude misanthrope, Tyler Durden is a psychopath, terrorist and all-round reprobate, Dexter and Hannibal Lecter kill people for kicks. But we love them all.

SS: I find that most screenwriters focus on the wrong things when they first start out. What was the primary thing you focused on as a beginning screenwriter and what’s the primary thing you focus on now? Do you look back and roll your eyes at the silly stuff you used to obsess about?

JG: The primary thing I focus on now is economy and pacing. I try to be really strict with the rule that every scene, every beat, every word of dialogue should be doing a job, or else it shouldn’t be there.

I feel like I made most of my mistakes, and hopefully learned from them, when I wrote my novel. I’m not sure that I focused on a specific wrong thing, but I deeply regret that what was published was essentially a first draft and it could have been a million times better if I’d gone through it with a critical eye, been brutal about editing, taken it apart, put it back together again and polished it until I was positive that every scene, every beat, every word was doing a vital job. I was just so happy when my editor didn’t suggest any changes that I cheerfully let it go to print as it was. I really regret that.

SS: You’ve been fortunate enough to work with a lot of talented people. What’s the best piece of story/screenwriting advice you’ve received from them?

JG: One director I worked with was a particular influence, although I unfortunately can’t name him, as the re-write job I did for him was a non-public thing. He had a really interesting policy about minor characters – he believed that whatever function they are serving, you can usually do away with them entirely and find other ways of making the same thing happen without them, and it’s a lot cleaner. I thought that was very interesting advice and have found on numerous occasions since that he’s absolutely right. He also likes his scripts to be notably shorter than the “standard” length for whatever genre, which made so much sense to me. Pretty much every movie’s first assembly in the edit room is always not just a little too long, but way too long, and losing scenes and moments that you love is never a nice experience.

SS: You’ve now written/co-written 5 movies. Which one of those movies was the hardest to write and why? 

JG: Every project has it’s own challenges and pleasures, so it’s hard to single one out. X-Men: First Class had the tightest deadline, and the first draft needed to be delivered very fast because they were waiting to begin preproduction. That essentially meant a few weeks of writing seven days a week, essentially every hour that I was awake – literally only stopping for food, bathroom breaks and bedtime. My back eventually gave out from sitting in an office chair, so I started writing lying down on my couch instead, which has remained my favorite writing position ever since!

The most technically demanding was a screenplay that I recently completed, an adaptation of an incredible novel by Peter Ackroyd called Dan Leno and the Limehouse Golem (I believe it has a different title in the US, The Trial of Elizabeth Cree). It’s multi-stranded, strays into the esoteric and involves a monumental plot twist that is brilliantly concealed in the book by a literary conceit that you couldn’t possibly employ in a film! Figuring out how to approach an adaptation of it was immensely challenging but also unbelievably rewarding.

SS: You take some crazy chances in your screenplays. I particularly remember Stardust having some totally off-the-wall things going on (I loved the ending with the “dead person” swordfight). Do you deliberately try and buck convention or do you follow the traditional screenplay “rules” (3 acts, inciting incident, the protagonist arcs, hero must be likable, etc.)?

JG: Thank you! Re: the swordfight, a friend of mine remarked that it was typical of me to be working on a fairytale and find a way to slip a zombie in! I’d put zombies in everything, if I had my way :)

I think confounding expectations within storytelling is vitally important, but when it comes to structural framework, I don’t see any great need to buck convention – most of the traditional “rules” are there because they work well. It’s like building a house. You could build a house out of poptarts just to be different, but surely it’s more appealing to build it out of bricks and then buck convention in the design itself, knowing that it’ll hold strong.

To do away with things like inciting incident and protagonist arcs would seem a little bloody-minded and self-defeating to me. Some rules you can play with though, I think. In fact, Matthew recently noted that the screenplays we’ve worked on together could sort of be viewed as having four acts, rather than three. I’m not sure that a hero has to be likeable, either – just this year Young Adult and Submarine both played with that convention very effectively – but it obviously requires a different narrative drive to replace the one that is lost. There’s got to be something else that makes you want to see how the story is going to play out.

SS: I’ve been trying to come up with a good ghost story idea myself for years. What do you think the key is to making a ghost story work?

JG: I think the best ghost stories have an emotional core, but the main thing is probably mining what actually, genuinely scares you. I think with other genres you can approach things technically, but with horror – just like comedy – you’re actually trying to invoke a physical reaction in yourself and others. I think it’s not about finding something that seems scary, but a notion or collection of elements that actually make your skin creep, or send a shudder down your spine, or have you looking over your shoulder, even if you don’t believe in ghosts.

SS: What were some of the unique challenges you ran into while writing The Woman In Black and how did you go about solving them?

JG: One unique challenge was trying to ensure that it was scary! Writing descriptions of what are essentially visual beats, in a way that would convey their essence and my intentions clearly to a director, was a challenge because you need to be very specific. I’m used to writing action scenes, so conveying non-verbal beats wasn’t new to me, but at the same time, this was very different – it really required a lot of focus and careful choice of words – even punctuation! – in order to transfer from my head to the page what were often intricately timed moments, and their intended emotional and visceral effects.

SS: One of the issues I’ve noticed in these slower darker movies is that all of the characters are very restrained, and therefore it can be hard to write dialogue (in Kick-Ass for instance, every character has so much personality that I’m sure the dialogue flies off the fingertips). How do you conquer that problem and still make the dialogue pop? 

JG: I actually made a conscious decision with the Woman in Black to let dialogue take a back seat and to keep things very simple, restrained and un-showy. I realized early on that this would serve the plot and the atmosphere best, and it was an interesting exercise as a writer, as you have to find other ways to convey character. It was also a good exercise in humility and ego-checking, as dialogue is the area where it’s easiest to show off!

SS: An always controversial discussion in the screenwriting community is the importance of theme. Do you put a high value on theme, and if so, can you explain how you incorporate it, and more specifically how you incorporated it into The Woman In Black?

JG: I do think theme is important, in that I think that if it is absent, a film risks having a sense of being directionless. Sometimes that sense is only vaguely tangible, other times it’s pretty obvious. I think incorporating theme is just about ensuring that there are plot points and scenes throughout that speak to your theme in a way that is consistent. It’s also pretty key that those thematic elements should involve not just your main character and their central dilemma or drive, but also ideally your supporting characters in parallel, related or opposing situations.

In the Woman in Black I guess the pervading theme is loss. And more specifically, the different ways in which people respond to loss. Without wanting to give away too much of the plot, we learn that the Woman in Black herself is driven by grief, anger and vengeance, so I wanted to ensure that Arthur, the main character, reflected another facet of that experience, an alternate reaction to bereavement. And, in fact, pretty much every supporting character also inhabits a different point on that same spectrum.

SS: Finally, it looks like this is the first time you’ve written by yourself. What was the biggest screenwriting lesson you learned that came out of that experience? 

JG: I’ve done quite a few solo screenwriting jobs since Woman in Black, but yes, it was my first. It wasn’t really a markedly different experience, though, since Matthew and I don’t have the work habits of a traditional writing partnership – usually he works on the structure alone first, then we discuss it, then I go off and write alone, he gives me notes on the draft and then I make revisions. I just followed the same procedure – writing an outline, then the draft, then going through it with a critical eye and making improvements. I did miss having him to bounce ideas off at the structural stage, or to phone up to chat things through, or just to ask “I’ve just had an insane idea for how this scene could go – do you think it’s insane, or shall I try it?”

I guess I’d also written alone for a couple of decades before that, too, as a journalist and author, so it probably didn’t feel like a new enough experience to learn from it. I love the collaborative nature of screenwriting, though – whether you’re working with a director, a producer or directly with a creative partner. For me that’s probably one of things I enjoy most about screenwriting – the feeling that everyone is working together towards the common goal of making sure that you write the very best version of your screenplay possible.

Great interview!  Thank you to Jane for stopping by.  I learned a ton from her answers.   Hope you guys did too. :)

Tawnya is basically one of my favorite people in the world. She’s sweet, smart, cool and has a staggeringly high screenwriting IQ. So when she told me she was starting up Script Anatomy, which would teach both TV and feature writing (in Los Angeles), the first thing I said was, “Well we have to get you some students.” Not for Tawnya’s sake, but for the students’ sake! I knew that anybody I could get into her class was going to become a hell of a lot better screenwriter.

To give you some background on Tawnya, she taught at the Writers Boot Camp for 4 years. She now writes on USA’s “Fairly Legal” with her writing partner, Ali Laventhol. The pair are in development on two original pilots, and have optioned a few features, one being packaged by CAA. They are repped at CAA and RABINER/DAMATO Entertainment. Feel free to jump over to her site right now or sign up for spots while they’re still open (I don’t know how long they’ll be available after this post). Or get to know her and her philosophy on screenwriting first in our interview. Enjoy!

SS: So why did you get into screenwriting? Are you a masochist?

TB: I started out as an actress. I had gone to an Acting Conservatory. Worked in the theater in Seattle, Chicago, Vienna and Prague and then moved to LA. After struggling, not getting enough auditions and doing a slew of crappy B films (if we’re letter grading they’d be D minus at best), I’d had enough. The writing was awful. The directing was awful. I was awful. And it was painful. This was years ago, and my boyfriend at the time was in the business and doing pretty well as a writer/director. I think I was the only actress in town for whom the casting couch failed — he never gave me any work. Bastard!

I started writing because I wanted to write a short for myself but I ended up catching the bug. I knew inside that I was really a writer. I quit acting and started writing. Two screenplays in and one thing was clear: I had no idea what the hell I was doing. So I set out to change that. I read books. I read scripts. I took every class and workshop under the sun: Robert McKee, William Martell, Jen Grisanti, Blake Snyder, Michael Hague, John Truby… I went to Writers Boot Camp for 22 months, where I then ended up teaching for four years. Am I a masochist? Isn’t every writer?

SS: You and I have chatted about the craft before. What do you think is the hardest thing about writing a screenplay?

TB: Writing the screenplay.

Seriously, I think what’s difficult about writing a screenplay is going to vary depending on the individual and where they are with their craft and process. I feel like dialogue and scene work were always strong suits for me. Early on, getting the structure right did my head in. Later, it was theme and arcing the character throughout their journey. I worked hard on those and now specialize in them as an instructor. Not many instructors out there teach theme and how to apply it, which blows my mind because it’s so important.

Anyway… focusing solely on my last two scripts, I’d have to say the most difficult part was getting the opening right. There are so many ways in, but maybe only a few ways that will get your story off on the right foot. On the most recent one, we (the producer, my writing partner, and I) had a two hander and there was some disagreement as to whose story it really was. We went back and forth. We ended up making the right choice – but it wasn’t without trying it many different ways. On another project, I was hired by a director to write his idea. Looking back, I shouldn’t have taken the job. I wasn’t excited about the material, which made it a long and hard row to hoe. If you don’t love what you’re writing — if your heart isn’t in it — you constantly have to pull out the defibrillators. Even when you love what you are writing, rewriting over and over again without losing enthusiasm for a project can be challenging. Writing is rewriting. It’s how you turn something good into something great — yet if you lose your passion it shows on the page.

SS: You’ve also taught a lot of screenwriters. In your experience, what was their biggest misconception about the craft that you needed to correct?

TB: I think the biggest misconception is that structure kills creativity. That if you’re writing a smaller independent film, structure doesn’t matter. Of course, that would launch me in to breaking down the structure of Another Earth, Lars and the Real Girl, Happy Accidents, The Swimming Pool or In the Bedroom and what have you. All storytelling adheres to structure — it’s just whether it’s weak, ineffective structure or strong, effective structure.

SS: What were some of their common mistakes? And don’t hold back!

TB: I think the usual suspects are:

– Weak concept or no concept at all
– Poor structure or no structure at all
– Passive writing
– Inactive characters
– Too many characters
– Characters who don’t have distinct voices
– No conflict or stakes
– Dense action lines
– Dialogue heavy/action light
– On the nose dialogue
– Taking too long to get into the story
– Unmemorable characters that lack a flaw and therefore possibility for growth and change.
– Characters who are two-dimensional archetypes instead of three-dimensional humans. If they don’t come alive we can’t possibly care about them and their story.
– No theme
– Too much directing on the page. Pet peeve: CUT TO. When you write a new slug line that is a cut.
– Typos
– Incorrect formatting
– Scripts that are too long
– Lack of surprise
– Getting into a scene too early / getting out too late
– Lack of craft in transitions
– No story. Yes, that’s right. No story! Just a lot of words and bumbling about that doesn’t lead anywhere.
Etcetera.

SS: Wow, you really didn’t hold back. Okay, so, let’s move on to something more positive. I always have a lot of writers asking me how to write great dialogue. I find it one of the harder questions to answer. What’s your approach to teaching dialogue?

TB: I like Elmore Leonard’s list, especially, “Leave out all the boring parts” and “If it sounds like writing, rewrite it.”

After going over a long list of dialogue no-no’s, I teach dialogue techniques and give writers examples of those techniques from existing TV or feature scripts. Sometimes I show clips as well. In class, students rewrite one or two of their scenes implementing the techniques they’ve learned. A partial list is: tangents, parallel construction, reversals, unexpected response, comeback zingers, exposition, subtext, character interruptions, echoing, similes, character on own track, response implying answer, set ups and pay offs, comic contrasts… etc.

Here are a couple of examples…

EXAMPLE 1 – From the MAD MEN Pilot written by Matthew Weiner, illustrates a few techniques: SET UP AND PAY OFF, an UNEXPECTED RESPONSE and a COMEBACK LINE.

DON
We should get married.

MIDGE
You think I’d make a good ex-wife?

Don sits up and grabs a cigarette off the end table.

DON
I’m serious. You have your own business and you don’t care when I come over. What size Cadillac do you take?

EXAMPLE 2 – From UP IN THE AIR, screenplay by Jason Reitman, based on the novel by Walter Kirn, uses ECHOING and PROGRESSIVE DIALOGUE.

CRAIG GREGORY
Today I took my first crap in two weeks. Hallelujah.

RYAN
That’s me, applauding.

CRAIG GREGORY
That’s me, passing blood.

RYAN
That’s me, hanging up on you.

SS: What’s your general screenwriting teaching philosophy? What do you focus on most? 

TB: Character, character, character. And structure and theme. My TV and feature classes begin with concept and continue through full development of a writer’s first draft. However, because of the depth of in class exercises and tools I teach, usually the resulting first draft will look more like a second or third. I really believe in investing the time up front – developing ideas and characters, brainstorming infinite options and outlining vigilantly before writing pages.

SS:  You seem to be hitting on theme a lot. It’s definitely one of those things screenwriters struggle to grasp. Can you give me a basic breakdown of what theme is in your opinion and how you apply it?

TB: Theme is the foundation on which your screenplay is built. Theme is the spine, the core, the heart and soul of your story and what makes it relatable and universal and meaningful. Because it’s the lesson or moral of the story and expresses your unique point of view about the world and the state of humanity, theme is your voice.
And how do you express theme? Through symbolism and cinematic imagery, dialogue… many ways… but most importantly, through character and transformational arc. I do a workshop on theme and I hate to simplify because it’s actually more complex than this but I’ll distill it here for “page” length purposes.

Theme is the opposite of the main character’s flaw.  (Carson note: I like this!  I’ve never heard it expressed this way before)

Your Main Character or Hero is flawed. They have a goal they are not getting because of this flaw. To achieve the goal the MC will have to change and grow, overcoming the flaw throughout the second act journey – hence learning the lesson. (In some cases, the character doesn’t grow or learn but the theme is still articulated). This process is the transformational arc. We see this evolution occur as the MC confronts his flaw via conflict and obstacles, a strong opponent and a catalyst character(s)… we see them “become the theme” in a sense.

Like I said, there’s much more to it – in class I focus on it in more depth as writers develop their projects.

In TV, theme works a little differently. You’re obviously not arcing your characters in one episode to the point of alleviating their flaw. If Nurse Jackie cures her drug addiction do they still have a show? Her med addiction is so connected to the concept, character and arena, they have to draw out her transformational arc – but – she has other flaws to play with that stem from the addiction: lying, cheating, stealing… Which brings me to branches of theme. Theme is like a tree. There might be one primary theme that is the trunk, but other secondary facets of theme, like branches, stem from the trunk.

A show will likely have a series theme and possibly another theme per season, and individual themes per episode – which all may or may not be related.

SS: You work in both TV and features. What would you say is the big “writing” difference between the two mediums?

TB: Writing-wise it’s obviously much more manageable to tell a 24 to 60 page story than it is 110. There’s a lot more to track in a feature. And much more room for mistakes.

Work/Career-wise, the TV and feature world couldn’t be more different. Writing features can be a lonely business. It’s collaborative in that you might get notes from the studio or a director, but you’ll go off and write by yourself. Working in television you’re surrounded by other writers and it’s a collaborative process. Movies are difficult to get made and it can take years whereas everything about TV is fast. You can start working on a TV show and within months you can have a produced credit. I think most writers would think that’s golden.

SS: I’m curious. Which one do you think is easier? 

TB: Oh boy. I don’t think it’s ever easy to write well, but… but TV. As I mentioned, it’s an extremely collaborative medium. The room usually breaks story as a group. If you’re lucky, like we are on our show, you have an amazing showrunner with a strong vision and voice. Writing an episode is much more manageable than a feature just by way of page count but also because some of the work has been done for you: the template, characters, tone, the world, relationships and conflicts are pre-existing. Writing an original pilot is as difficult as writing a feature, it just takes less time. The real challenge of writing for television is the pace. It’s incredibly fast. Recently we (my writing partner and I) had two days to outline our episode and two weeks to write it.

SS: Which one do you think it’s easier to break into? 

TB: I’d say TV. There are more jobs in television. There are also specific ways a new writer can break in such as becoming a writers’ assistant and then getting bumped up. Acceptance into one of the prestigious Studio Writing Programs (I did FOX’s Diversity Initiative and NBC Writers On The Verge) can be a great launching point for a writer. Neither is easy to break into, but it can be done.

SS: In your experience, is an agent necessary to become a successful screenwriter? 

TB: I’ll most likely contradict myself, so here goes: yes and no.

No. Writing careers are like snowflakes. There are no two alike. And everyone’s way in is different. I really believe that great writing will rise to the top and get noticed eventually if you are putting yourself out there. That may be through friends and contacts or a reputable screenwriting contest or fellowship. Hell, it might be because your script got caught in a tornado and five pages landed on Spielberg’s desk. If those pages knock his socks off he’ll come find you even if you’re not repped. Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe not, but I’ve always done my best to believe that anything’s possible in a career that sometimes feels like the lottery.

Yes. An effective agent or manager can help build your career. They have relationships in the business that you don’t — especially starting out. They can guide you, connect you with the right people and help sell you to those people. A big agency might package a project. And then of course, it doesn’t hurt to be validated by someone respected in the business. People feel more confident about you if you’ve been vetted. That said, I have friends who have agents who are ineffective yet they stay because they’re afraid of not having one.
In our experience, our agents and managers were crucial in getting a job on Fairly Legal. We’re really happy with our reps and their involvement in our career.

SS: You’re repped at CAA. How did you find your way over there and what can Joe and Jane Writer do to get there too?

TB: I can’t make an exact trail map for Joe and Jane, but I can tell you how we got there… (sorry we should have left bread crumbs!)

My writing partner and I have a feature with a producer attached. This producer had given our script to a talent agent at CAA who happened to like it for his star client. A few weeks later my partner and I went to The Austin Film Festival. At one of those panel discussions we noticed a CAA TV agent who stood out as being incredibly savvy and smart. After the panel, we introduced ourselves and asked her a question. During the conversation we managed to slip in that were currently in NBC’s Writers On the Verge program. A few weeks later our feature producer put in a call to the agent. The rest was history. Just kidding. Nothing happened after the call. The agent, more senior in the company, had mostly established writers on her list and wasn’t exactly looking for new writers. After NBC WOTV was over, the head of the program made a call, but it wasn’t until our mentor, who at the time (he’s since been promoted) was the Sr. Vice President of Drama Development at NBC, made a call that we got a meeting. Now we have 4 people on our team there — two TV and two feature agents aside from our two managers.

SS: I know you’re pushing me to stop by your classes. But you know I’m a busy guy! If I came by, what should I expect? What would an average class be like?

TB: You are a busy guy! And I’m so proud of you, by the way, for all you have created with ScriptShadow and all of the exciting things coming up. Still… you should stop by one of my classes! So, um… what to expect… well, nothing average. Haha. You should expect to learn a lot about screen or TV writing (depending on the class) and to become a better writer through not only lecture and theory but more importantly through exercises and tool work. You should expect to gain an applicable process (or improve the process you already have) that will serve you throughout your screenwriting career. My next TV Workshop is already in progress but my next Feature Class is ten weeks long and starts up February 25th.

SS: Before we finish up, do you want to do a shameless plug for the show you’re writing on?

TB: It’s an “all new” FAIRLY LEGAL Season 2 which will air on USA March 16th on Friday nights at 9pm. “All new” because the entire writing team from the showrunner down is brand new. Expect some very exciting changes. My episode, which I wrote with my writing partner, Ali Laventhol, is “Gimme Shelter”. Hope you enjoy it.

I’m already on the Tivo. Does Tivo allow you to tape shows two months in advance? Anyway, thanks Tawnya for dropping by and sharing your wonderful insight. I think I need to take your class for dialogue alone. I’ve never even heard of some of those terms before but I like them. So, if you guys want to learn a little more about Tawnya and her site, check out Script Anatomy. Or if you want to grab a spot while they’re still available, here’s the site where you can sign up for her classes. Good news for Scriptshadow readers. If you sign up before this Sunday at midnight (Pacific Time), it’s 10% off. When it asks for the promotional code, just enter “Scriptshadow_22.” If you have any question about the classes, feel free to e-mail Tawnya at tawnya@scriptanatomy.com. What are you waiting for! Go become a better screenwriter. And who knows? You might even see me there. :)

Genre: Comedy/Romantic Comedy
Premise: Told in the first person, a disgruntled screenwriter falls in love with a taken woman, and decides to do anything in his power to get her.
About: This is one of this year’s (2011) Nicholl finalists. The Nicholl Fellowship is the biggest screenwriting competition in the world.
Writers: Chris Shafer & Paul Vicknair
Details: 104 pages (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Where do I start with this one? Let’s see. I’ll begin by giving these guys a couple of gold brads. This script is unique. As someone who’s read upwards of 50 screenplays in a single week, I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to read the same stories told the same way over and over again. You’re not going to get that here. A Many Splintered Thing differentiates itself right away by telling its story in the first person. On top of that, it’s a self-referential feast. We’ve seen this kind of thing before (Passengers for first-person and Balls Out for self-reference), but never together. On top of that, these guys are actually good writers. If this were attempted by some hack, it wouldn’t work. But you can tell these guys have been around the block.

So then, why didn’t I like it? I’ll get to that in a bit. First, let’s break down the story.

The main character in Splintered is Me. Not “me” me. But you. Actually, no. You’re the main character, which is me. Wait. I’m the main character. Hold on. The main character doesn’t have a name. So he’s referred throughout the screenplay as me. Or I. Because the story is told in the first person. There you go. I think that’s right.

We are a writer. We have an agent. We’re asked to write the kind of screenplays we hate. So we’re frustrated with our job. We also have sex with a lot of women. We don’t believe in love because love sucks. We say this a lot. Love really sucks.

We spend most of our time hanging out with our writers group and because we have a new form of attention deficit disorder that only allows us to pay attention for 3 seconds at a time, in order to make it through these sessions, we insert ourselves into our writer group friends’ stories. So for example, if someone starts telling us about their new Korean immigrant script, we imagine ourselves as that Korean immigrant, and experience the story as them.

Still with me?

Anyway, we eventually meet a beautiful girl at a charity event. This is the first time we’ve ever actually liked a girl. But it turns out she has a boyfriend. So when we go our separate ways, we’re really bummed out because all we can think about is this girl. But then we realize that if this girl was at one charity event, she may be at more. So we start crashing every charity event in town, pretending to be some big time philanthropist (our specialty is saving a very rare form of frog). We eventually run into this girl again (hooray!), and she’s impressed by how much we care about charity, so soon we’re spending time together -as friends.

Of course, there’s that whole pesky boyfriend thing getting in the way, and when the friendship starts to approach the make or break point, we’re not sure what we want to do. Because we hate love, we’re leaning towards ditch city, but then there’s that feeling we have that we haven’t had before, pulling us back into her arms. So will we get her in the end? Will we finally learn that love is good? That is the question.

As you can see, the story itself is pretty basic, which was probably a good idea, since we need some sanity amidst all the storytelling chaos. Now back to the question. Why didn’t I love this?

As I’ve stated over and over again, what I care about most is story. I want to be transported into another world. I want to believe in the characters. I want to believe in the situations. I crave that suspension of disbelief. I still find it fascinating that I can read something that’s completely made up inside somebody’s imagination, and believe it. It’s bizarre isn’t it? I mean you watch movies and all they are is a group of people getting together in front of a big camera, reading lines. Yet you believe it. You actually believe that Luke Skywalker is destroying the Death Star.

So if everything is a joke – if everything is designed to rip me out of that false reality – it’s hard for me to care. And I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone. Some people appreciate goofy self-referential nods, the purposeful flipping of clichés. That can be fun. But I’m looking for the screenplay that moves me, that takes me to another place. A great example of a script that took a similar approach (told in the first person) but was able to bring me into its world was Passengers. The difference was, they used the first-person to put you in the mind of the main character as he gradually went insane. So the first-person had a story purpose. It wasn’t a gimmick.

I had a few other issues as well. The problem when you’re trying to be different all the time is that sooner or later those “different” moments start feeling artificially manufactured. It’s like you’ve set this impossible bar for yourself because you want everything to be something that the audience has never seen before. But you just can’t do that for an entire screenplay, so moments like the Korean mini movie, while cute, end up coming off as “writerly.”

Then there’s the whole “I hate love” stuff. Not believing in love is actually a solid inner conflict. The problem is, this trait isn’t shown visually in Splintered. It’s just beaten into our heads via dialogue, mostly from the main character. It was almost like the writers kept getting the note – “Not feeling the main character’s hatred of love enough,” so they simply added more scenes where the main character would say, “I hate love.”

But remember, one great “show” moment is worth a dozen “tell” moments. Had they just shown him hating love, it would have been enough. For example, if you want to convey that a character is a cheater, you don’t write 13 scenes of him saying how much he loves cheating. You show him meet a hot girl at a bar, and when she looks the other way, discreetly slip his wedding ring into his pocket.

Also, after a while, this screenplay hit a predictable rhythm. We’d get a scene where our main character pursued the girl, then a scene where he’d talk about it with his writers group. Then another scene with the girl. Then another scene with the writers group. It was almost like an episode of Seinfeld, where you have the event, and then the recollection of the event. Except it went on for two hours instead of 23 minutes.  They should probably fix this because the first-person writing style doesn’t work nearly as well once the novelty has worn off. So the second half of the script is tougher to get through. If they changed up the rhythm a bit, made the story a tad more unpredictable, we wouldn’t be focusing so much on that writing because we’d be into the story.

But I have a feeling a lot of people are going to like this. Not everybody is Snobby Carson who’s read a billion screenplays and finds something to complain about with all of them (except Drive of course). No matter which way you slice it, this script is unique. It’s sort of like the illegitimate stepchild of Sequels Remakes and Adaptations, Passengers, 500 Days Of Summer, Balls Out and The F Word. If you liked those screenplays, you’ll definitely want to check this out. Despite it not being my thing, I probably would’ve put it in the Nicholl finals as well.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Cut your script down via diet and exercise, not pills. — Guys, don’t cheat. It comes back to bite you one way or another. As I was reading Splintered, I was getting frustrated by how long it was taking me so to get through it. It was confusing because it wasn’t like the script was badly written, which is the usual reason scripts drag, but it was taking way longer than it should have. Afterwards, a Scriptshadow Nation reader brought to my attention that the writers had formatted their script to 66 lines per page instead of 55 (the standard). This allowed them to “save” 20 pages on the page count. Sure, that looks good on the surface, but if you think that’s not affecting the read, you are wrong my screenplay loving friend. Anything that slows down your script, whether it’s hidden or not, is going to hurt our enjoyment of it, as was evidenced by my frustration. So don’t try to cut pages by cheating (pills). Cut them the old-fashioned way (diet and exercise). Get rid of characters you don’t need. Get rid of scenes you don’t need. Kill those scenes you love that have nothing to do with your story. Pare down your description. I know it’s hard work but in the end it will pay off. I promise you.

Welcome. Come one. Come all. To the Second Not Exactly Annual Reader Top 25 List. It’s been awhile since our first list. All you need to do is read through it to see that. Most of the scripts on there have already been made. Which means it’s facelift time. Now, as far as what this list is, it is a list of the Scriptshadow Readers Top 25 favorite screenplays. The only stipulation is that the movie can’t have hit theaters yet.  So produced screenplays are eligible.

As for how the voting went, pay close attention because it’s a little confusing. I polled roughly 250 readers. Each reader sent me their Top 10 list. Every script on that list was assigned a point value of 1-10 depending on its placement. 1st place votes got 10 points. 2nd place votes got 9 points. 3rd place votes got 8 points. And so on down the line. I then added all those points together to determine the scripts’ standing. There’s a small twist. Anybody who had read more than 300 scripts in their life got double points. So their first place votes counted for 20 points, their second place points 18, etc. There were roughly 50 people who had read more than 300 scripts.

But none of that stuff is interesting to you right now. You want results. Just make sure you stick around afterwards . Because at the end of the list, you’ll find the TOP 5 AMATEUR SCRIPTS REVIEWED ON SCRIPTSHADOW. Yes, we voted on those too. And I think the Top 5 are quite good. Anyway, let’s get to the lists!

#25 (94 pts) College Republicans
Writer: Wes Jones
Premise: Aspiring politician Karl Rove runs a dirty campaign for the national College Republican Chairman under the guidance of Lee Atwater, his campaign manager.
About: Number 1 on the 2010 Black List. Shia LaBeouf is rumored to be up for the part of Karl Rove. The rest of the internet is reporting this as a comedy. But I don’t remember laughing. In fact, I don’t remember really connecting with it at all. Then again, this isn’t my list, it’s yours!

#24 (100 pts) The Voices
Writer: Michael R. Perry
Premise: A disturbed man with a good heart is tormented by his talking pets, who convince him to do things he’d rather not do.
About: This one is number 5 on my list. It also finished number 3 on the 2009 Black List. Last I heard Ben Stiller is still connected to the project. Michael R. Perry recently penned the Paranormal Activity 2 script. Which is of course a LIE because that movie is REAL!

#23 (102 pts) L.A. Rex
Writer: Will Beall (based on his novel)
Premise: Rookie LAPD officer Ben Halloran gets partnered with scarred and tobacco-spitting Officer Marquez, and the unlikely team hit the streets of L.A. on the brink of a gang-rivalry explosion amid run-ins with the Mexican mafia, brutal gang murders, and corrupt cops.
About: Will Beall’s been writing a lot of stuff lately. And I know Roger really dug this. But I took one look at the 18,000 pages with dual line dialogue and said “no thank you.” Plus the premise sounded too scattershot to me. I like my crime movies simple. Like Training Day. Still, lots of people seem to like this one.

#22 (116 pts) The Muppet Man
Writer: Christopher Weekes
Premise: A look at the final weeks of Jim Henson’s life, the creator of the most famous puppet franchise of all time, The Muppets.
About: Number 1 on the 2009 Black List. The script actually sold to the Henson company, though it’s not clear if they bought it to make or to make sure it wouldn’t get made. It’s a pretty intense look at the muppet creator and that may scare them. The ending here made me cry like a baby. An interesting script indeed.

#21 (136 pts) After Hailey
Writer: Scott Frank (based on a novel by Jonathan Tropper)
Premise: After a newlywed war photographer’s wife dies, he must decide whether to help out her troubled son from a previous marriage or move on and start a new life.
About: This is one of the more famous unmade scripts in Hollywood. Everyone seems to read it expecting nothing, then comes out of it floored – turning people into After Hailey converts. Not sure what the status is, but I have a hard time believing this won’t get made at some point. It’s better than almost all of the other character pieces out there. The next The Kids Are All Right.

#20 (140 pts) Father Daughter Time
Writer: Matthew Aldrich
Premise: A man goes on the lam with his daughter on a 3-state crime spree.
About: This is the script that caused that big bidding war a few months ago and the brouhaha between Matt Damon and Warners. He wanted to develop it himself to direct. Then Warners tried to outbid him. Then they both agreed to work on it together, though it’s unclear if Damon is completely happy with that arrangement (studio interference is never a good thing for creatvity). I still haven’t read the script, but it seems to be popular. A lot of readers have personally told me how much they like it. Supposedly John Krasinski is Damon’s pick to star? I guess that’s one way to get out of the office.

#19 (143 pts) Seven Psychopaths
Writer: Martin McDonagh
Premise: A writer’s life is violently turned upside down when his friends kidnap a Mafioso’s dog.
About: “Seven Psychopaths” is McDonagh’s third film script. It’s his favorite unproduced script. At the age of 27, McDonagh became the first writer since Shakespeare to have four plays performed simultaneously in London. His plays have been nominated for multiple Tony Awards. He won an Oscar for his short, “Six Shooter”. He was also nominated for a Best Original Screenplay Oscar with “In Bruges”. I personally have never read this script. So I can’t offer any opinions on it. As much as this will piss everyone off, I never understood the love for In Bruges, so I never sought 7Psyche out.
Writer: Martin McDonagh.

#18 (155 pts) The F Word
Writer: Elan Mastai
Premise: A guy begins hanging out with a girl under the pretense that she’s single, only to later find out she has a boyfriend.
About: This one’s been talked about ad nauseam on the site so I won’t bore you with any more chatter. If you’d like to learn more about it, check out the review and then check out the interview I did with the writer, Elan.

#17 (170 pts) Gangster Squad
Writer: Will Beall
Premise: A chronicle of the LAPD’s fight to keep East Coast Mafia types out of Los Angeles in the 1940s and 50s.
About: Warners is really high on this one and everyone tells me it’s great. I still haven’t read it yet though, and that’s because I still can’t get past the thought of those entire acts shown through dual-side dialogue in Beall’s other script, L.A. Rex. I imagine it taking me like 6 hours to read the script. Still, that’s pretty impressive. Two scripts on the Reader Top 25. Beall is definitely a writer to watch out for. Ryan Gosling will star. Ruben Fleischer, director of Zombieland, is attached to direct this one. Help me out here. Is this a comedy?

#16 (173 pts) All You Need Is Kill
Writer: Dante Harper (based on the Japanese novel by Hiroshi Sakurazaka)
Premise: A young soldier on an alien planet is forced to fight an impossible battle against an alien force every single day as if the previous day didn’t exist. In doing so, he becomes an ultimate warrior.
About: This was a seven figure spec deal from last year. It’s stayed with me since I read it and could contain some of the most outrageous action sequences ever put on film. Who’s going to figure out how to pull those scenes off though is anyone’s guess. I know Doug Liman was attached to this for awhile but I don’t know who’s onboard currently.

#15 (199 pts) Dogs Of Babel
Writer: Jamie Linden (based on the novel by Carolyn Parkhurst)
Premise: When a dog is the only witness to a woman’s death, her husband tries to teach the dog how to talk so he can find out what happened to her.
About: Number 1 on the Carson Top 25! Woo-hoo! Since reviewed on Scriptshadow, Steve Carrell became attached to this project. It’s time for Steve to stop messing around and admit he’s a Scriptshadow fan since he attaches himself to half the projects I review on here. Come on Steven. Fess up.

#14 (211 pts) Mixtape
Writer: Stacy Menear
Premise: A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to her deceased parents, accidentally destroys it, and must use the song list to find all the music.
About: Finished with 14 votes on 2009’s Black List. Seth Gordon was attached to direct and Chloe Moretz was attached to star but since then, both of their careers have shot into the stratosphere so I don’t know if they’re still planning to make this. But SOMEONE needs to make this. Get on it Hollywood. Ya jackals.(read an interview I did with Stacy here)

#13 (224 pts) Roundtable
Writer: Brian K. Vaughn
Premise: Merlin assembles a group of modern-day knights to battle a resurrected ancient evil, but all that’s available are an alcoholic ex-Olympian, a geriatric actor, a grumpy billionaire, and a nerdy scientist.
About: This one’s been called the next Ghostbusters…well…since before Ghostbusters. Of all of Vaughn’s scripts, this one holds the most promise by far, but for whatever reason is stuck in development hell. One of these days a Hollywood exec should create a development heaven. Just to make people feel a little better about their projects. Ya know?

#12 (257 pts) Tell No One
Writers: Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman
Premise: A widowed social worker receives a strange message that forces him to reevaluate what happened the day his wife was murdered.
About: Hollywood’s so out of ideas these days that they’re actually adapting something that was made in another country that was adapted from their own country. What’s next? As I mentioned yesterday, Ben Affleck is now directing this, and he’s using Argo screenwriter Chris Terrio to rewrite it for him. Which, you know, is so Hollywood. Cause they can’t just use the script that’s already awesome. Maybe Terrio was hired to get rid of all of Orci and Kurtzaman’s underlining and italics?

#11 (262 pts) Nautica (aka “Riptide”)
Writer: Richard McBrien
Premise: An investigator tries to solve a murder case on a ship that involves a handyman, a young stock broker and the stock broker’s girlfriend. We shift back and forth through points of view to tell the story.
About: Nautica was originally written and sold back in 2001 and was going to be directed by Tarsem Singh. Right now, Brad Pitt and Shia Labeouf are rumored to play roles in the film. I’ve heard that this movie is moving forward, but you never can tell these days. Count this as the biggest surprise of the list. I did not know there was so much love for Nautica.
Writer: Richard McBrien

#10 (315 pts) Safe House
Writer: David Guggenheim
Premise: When a group of villains destroy a CIA-operated safe house, the facility’s young house-sitter must work to move the criminal who’s being hidden there to another secure location.
About: This was one of those dream spec situations. It sold for a bunch of money then went on the fast track to a green light. It’s now starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds, even though I coulda swore they just co-starred in that movie Unstoppable. They should think of combining these two movies into something called “The Unstoppable House.” It would be about a “wide load” freeway house that’s on a rampage to kill every car on the road. Throw in a chimpanzee and you’re talking half a billion worldwide at least.

#9 (388 pts) Seeking A Friend At The End Of The World
Writer: Lorene Scafaria
Premise: A lonely man meets up with a strange woman a week before the earth is to be destroyed by an asteroid.
About: Lorene was able to nab Steve Carrell and Keira Knightly to star in this, her directing debut. The film is shooting right now. Since she only has one produced credit, this just shows you the power of a great script. Write one and who knows, you could be directing Steve Carrell (or even better – Ryan Reynolds!) in four months.

#8 (440 pts) Django Unchained
Writer: Quentin Tarantino
Premise: A slave-turned-bounty hunter sets out to rescue his wife from the brutal Calvin Candie, a Mississippi plantation owner.
About: Still haven’t read this one and don’t know if I will. Might just wait for the film. What a cast, huh? DiCaprio. Sam Jackson, Waltz, Kevin Costner, Jamie Foxx. This was pretty much a no-brainer for the Top 10.

#7 (507 pts) Passengers
Writer: Jon Spaihts
Premise: A spacecraft transporting thousands of people to a distant planet has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. As a result, a single passenger is awakened 90 years before anyone else. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he wakes up a second passenger whom he’s fallen in love with.
About: Didn’t like this one initially but must admit, it’s grown on me. It’s basically like Titanic on a spaceship, but with the weird twist of it not being anything like that. I hope they make this cause it will be one of the more interesting movies of the decade.

#6 (537 pts) Drive
Writer: Hossein Amini (adapted from the novel by James Sallis)
Premise: A stunt driver moonlighting as a getaway driver gets caught up in a job that’s over his head.
About: Nicolas Winding Refn directs Ryan Gosling. This film won best director at Cannes. It is in my personal Top 10. It’s a sweet script. But I never read the 98 page version. I only read the 120+ behemoth. So it’ll be interesting to see what they cut out.

#5 (565 pts) The Grey
Writers: Joe Carnahan and Ian Mackenzie Jeffers (based on the short story ‘Ghost Walkers’ by Ian Mackenzie Jeffers)
Premise: A group of oil drillers on a plane ride home, crash in the arctic tundra, where they become hunted by a vicious pack of overgrown wolves.
About: Good news. Carnahan has already gone and shot this movie and I’m hearing good things. It stars Liam Neeson in the title role. Not much else to say other than give me my plane crash with a side order of WOLF KILLINGS!

#4 (571 pts) Untitled Chef Project
Writer: Steven Knight
Premise: A selfish workaholic chef tries to get back into the restaurant game after a much publicized meltdown years ago.
About: One of the best leading man roles available in a screenplay at this moment and time. Yet nobody’s taking it. Why? I’m guessing cause the script is wrapped up in too much money? Anyway, Mr. Fincher, if you’re not going to make this, please let someone else make it. (you can find this script online by searching for the title and “pdf”)

#3 (599 pts) The Brigands Of Rattleborge
Writer: S. Craig Zahler
Premise: A group of bandits use the cover of a torrential thunderstorm to rob the occupants of a small town.
About: Revenge on the brain? I should think so. Brigands got new life when it was re-optioned last year. But we’re still waiting for this potential classic to hit production. If Untitled Chef Project has the best leading man role in a script right now, this one has 1a. Abraham will be a classic character for whomever plays him. In the meantime, pop in that old copy of Once Upon On A Time In The West. We have a year or two ahead of us before this sees movement. 

#2 (607 pts) Smoke and Mirrors
Writers: Lee and Janet Scott Batchler
Premise: The reclusive “Father of Modern Magic”, Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin, is called upon by the French government to debunk an Algerian sorcerer who is using his feats of magic to spearhead a civil war.
About: This script sold for 1 million bucks back in 1994. It’s always been a town favorite and at one point Steven Spielberg was attached. It was one of those movies that felt like a sure thing, but then actors kept dropping out and eventually the buzz died. Now it’s just stuck in that weird purgatory, where people still love the script, but they consider it a relic of the 90s. I still haven’t read it yet but I will one of these days. :)

#1 (648 pts) Killing On Carnival Row
Writer: Travis Beacham
Premise: In the city of The Burgue, a police inspector pursues a serial killer who is targeting fairies.
About: And so it is! Carnival Row takes the number one spot! True I never got into this, but it seems to capture the hearts of film geeks everywhere. I doth not protest. I do think it would be a great film to make, especially with Del Toro doing the directing, but he’s so swamped with shit that that’s probably not going to happen. Let’s hope some talented new director jumps in and makes this happen. I can still see the trailer in my head.

And NOW, for the list you’ve REALLY been waiting for. Yup. It’s time for the AMATEUR TOP 5. Pfft, screw that whole Professional Top 25 shit. This is the real deal. To give you some perspective, there have been around 60 amateur scripts reviewed since the birth of Scriptshadow. Roughly 45 people voted for their Top 5. Scripts just missing the cut were Wrong Number, Disappearing World, Real Men Play Futebol, 360, Bass Champion, and Tribute. Here, now, are the Top 5. And the great thing about these five? You can download the scripts inside the reviews! So hop on over there and start reading yourselves. Drumroll please……

#5 (29 points) The Black Soul Of Elijah Harden
Writer: E. Joshua Eanes
Premise: Days away from his execution, the most notorious man in America awakens with amnesia and quickly discovers that his condition might be the result of more than a seizure induced head injury.
About: Readers complained of its messiness, but there was no doubt that this script had something. If Josh can sharpen up the edges, not gloss over the details, it could be a really cool screenplay. One of the few amateur scripts to get a “worth the read” on the site.

#4 (41 points) The Sleep Of Reason
Writer: Lee Matthias
Premise: After his wife goes missing, a man heads to the darkest reaches of Transylvania to find her.
About: This one is slow going, but it’s rich with detail and probably my personal favorite Amateur Friday script. I feel like if Matthias can loosen up his writing style so that the description isn’t so dense, this script will be easier to read, and therefore gain more fans.

#3 (44 points) Alien Diaries
Writer: Glenn J. Devlin
Premise: A book appraiser working at an old farm mansion finds a diary that implies the family who used to live there 200 years ago may have come in contact with a crashed alien ship.
About: There’s no doubt Glenn has one of the best loglines out there. It’s got him a ton of reads. But the story itself is a tough one to tell, and to be honest, I’m still not sure how I would tell it myself. But if he can somehow crack this, it’s got the kind of hook that could lead to a big sale.

#2 (62 points) The Bridge
Writers: Dominic Morgan & Matt Cameron Harvey
Premise: A convict and a construction crew inadvertently spark a gun battle when they rescue a woman on the run from her violent husband and his dangerous associates. Trapped on a mile-long bridge and cut off from the outside world, they have to band together to survive a 5 hour siege.
About: I’m going to tell you why this was number two on the list. Because even if you didn’t love it, you could see it as a movie. And that’s more important than you know. There are a lot of good ideas out there that don’t necessarily make good movies. This is something you can imagine making it to the big screen.

#1 (75 points) The Imagineer
Writer: Brendan Lee
Premise: The life story of one of the most creative minds of all time, Walt Disney.
About: Being a non-biopic guy, Brendan knew getting me to like this would be an uphill battle. And ultimately those biopic tropes did keep me from appreciating it as much as it probably deserved. But I’m so glad I reviewed it anyway because it’s connected with so many people. I know Brendan was offered a new job due to the The Imagineer review on Scriptshadow, and maybe this number one all time Amateur Scriptshadow ranking will lead to even more success. Congrats Brendan! Your peers have spoken. :)

And that’s it my friends. Feel free to discuss! Also, for you amateur writers who placed or finished in the Top 5, many members have e-mailed me wishing to hear your follow-up stories. Where are the scripts now? Give us a breakdown of what’s happened since then. What’s next!? Also, if anyone wants to highlight a great professional script that not many people know about, please do so. Let’s find a few more gems and pull them out of the Hollywood gutter. Let’s put them in Development Heaven.