Genre: Thriller/Mystery
Premise: Psychologist Dr. Martin Park specializes in working with clients trying to curtail extreme violent urges. However, when a series of brutally murdered bodies are discovered in his small New England hometown, it’s up to Martin to figure out which of his patients is responsible.
About: This script finished in the bottom third of last year’s Black List. The writer has a previous credit, a small movie called, Twelve Days of Christmas.  He seems to like numbers in his titles.
Writer: Michael Boyle
Details: 109 pages

We gotta cast John Cho in this, right?

Did somebody say….. MURRRRRDERRRR?

Ooh, that sounds like a delicious appetizer.

The entree? A little something called SERIAL KILLING.

One of the most reliable spec script subject matters in the biz. Yes, I said ‘biz’ instead of business. Deal with it.

You know what I’ve been noticing? A lot of writers are writing to rounded-off page counts. So, they write 90 pages. Or 100 pages. Or, in today’s case, 110 pages. But, what they actually do is they write one page less (89, 99, 109) so that, with the title page, the PDF doc rounds it out to 90, 100, 110.

I actually think this is a good strategy. It feels more purposeful, like you have discipline. As opposed to if you have some sloppy page count like “114.” Who writes a 114 page script?? Dare I say that person is a psychopath?

Oh, look at that! A perfect segue into today’s script. :)

We’re in a small beautiful town called Raven Lake. Dr. Marvin Park (Korean-American), who’s come here with his gorgeous wife Jessica, is a world-famous psychiatrist who’s known for his best-selling book on how to spot serial killers. Marvin has parlayed that success into becoming the GO-TO guy who treats people with murderous tendencies.

Unfortunately for Raven Lake, that means a bunch of psychopaths have moved into town so they can be treated by him. Marvin’s little practice is going great until his secretary, Zoe, is dismembered and her body pieces spread out all around the office (her arm is even used as a fifth fan blade).

This brings suicidal FBI agent Helaine Ross into the mix. Ross, who’s only doing this job to stave off a shot to the head for a while, immediately starts blaming Martin for this problem. He brought these serial killers to town and now one of them is finally wreaking havoc.

The potential killers include Fred Vasquez, who loves to mix sex and violence. There’s Terry Tomlinson, a closeted black gay man who wants to kill men. There’s Kyle Egan who’s obsessed with his mailman and has lots of dreams about killing him. There’s Dustin Kelly who feels an inherent need to kill any woman who dares to dress provocatively. And there are a couple more suspects.

Once a second victim is killed by burning him alive then roasting marshmallows above his burning body, Martin realizes that this is a lot worse than he thought. You see, Martin’s flaw is that he believes he’s a miracle worker. He believes his work keeps these people from acting out their urges. In order for Martin to help Ross, he’s going to have to come to terms with his worst fear: That there’s someone he wasn’t able to help.

Today’s script suffers from a type of problem that’s hard to explain. The best word I can use to describe it is: inelegance. We’re dealing with intense subject matter – killing – that’s being balanced out through comedy. That requires a deft touch as a writer. If you get even a little sloppy, the ruse is up. We can see behind the curtain. That’s where the inelegance comes in.

For example, the first person who gets killed is Zoe, Martin’s secretary. Not only is she killed, she’s dismembered in horrifying fashion, her body parts spread throughout the waiting room. A day after this happens, Martin asks his wife, Jessica, to fill in for her until he finds somebody permanent.

I know that, at first, Martin is insistent that one of his patients is not the killer. But even so, your job as a husband, first and foremost, is to protect your wife. To place her in the very same situation that led to the brutal killing of his previous secretary doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

The writer might argue that to do this is funny. Because it’s so ridiculous. Of course you would never place your wife in such a dangerous position. But I’m not buying that. When the writer uses humor as an excuse to do illogical things, they’ve lost me. You do not get to lean on the comedy-card to get away with weak story developments.

And then you had stuff like Agent Ross, who we see putting a gun to her head to kill herself just before she gets the phone call to join this case. Tonally, that’s too dark. Way too dark. You’re using humor when it’s convenient (hey wifey, I need you to take the position that just ended in another attractive woman being hideously murdered) and darkness when it’s convenient (Ross’s suicidal tendencies feel like they were pulled from a deleted scene in Requiem for a Dream).

This is what I mean by inelegance. If you’re aiming for a complex tone, you can’t miss. You can’t run a restaurant that serves Olive Garden bread rolls, grade-A prime rib steak, and cinnamon sticks for dessert. It’s gotta be all one thing or all another.

Despite these choices, I was hanging on to this script with the tips of my fingernails because I wanted it to work so badly. Every once in a while, the script would have a moment that pulled me back in, such as some funny dialogue.

But then the script would revert back to another dream sequence. Dream sequences are one of the BIGGEST indicators of weak screenwriting. Unless they’re baked into the story (Nightmare on Elm Street), out of 10,000 scripts I’ve read, there have been maybe 3 that have used dream sequences effectively. There’s something inherently sloppy about them. And if you have any doubts about that analysis, ask yourself if any of your current favorite films use dream sequences. They don’t. They’re the screenwriting equivalent of nuclear waste.

So what about who the killer was? Good reveal?

Unfortunately not. The writer telegraphs who the killer is almost from the very first moment they enter the story. Granted, it’s hard to surprise an audience these days with a killer reveal. We just talked about that on The Best and The Brightest. But it’s possible. It just takes work. You have to push yourself beyond the obvious choices.

This script needed more of a deft touch to handle the tone it was going for. In yesterday’s script, the writer knew EXACTLY what he was going for. As a result, his script felt confident the whole way through. Here, the writer doesn’t know what kind of movie he’s writing so the story feels a lot less sure of itself. What do I mean by less sure of itself? I’ll give you an easy comp: Amsterdam. The tone of that movie was all-over-the-place. It was often unclear where the comedy stopped and the drama began. I felt the same thing here.

I’m not saying you can’t make these scripts work. I thought The Voices (the script more than the movie), captured this tricky tone well. But because the tone can feel like a moving target, if you don’t have an ASSURED PLAN for the execution, it will unravel on you quickly.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The reason I hate dream sequences so much is that you only have 50 scenes in a script. Each scene, then, is precious. You should want to put the best possible scene forward in each of those 50 slots. If you add a dream sequence – a sequence that doesn’t push the story forward and only operates as a flashy momentary distraction – you are wasting one of those precious 50 slots.

Genre: Action/Thriller
Premise: Two young women are kidnapped, brought deep into the woods, given a head start, and then hunted down by their sadistic captor all for the pleasure of the online fans of “The Nowhere Game.”
About: This script finished with 9 votes on last year’s Black List, by far the writer’s, Alex Pototsky, biggest achievement. Pototsky commutes between Dublin, Ireland and Los Angeles, California. He’s been at this for over a decade. In 2013, at 19, he wrote a musical about Steve Jobs.
Writer: Alex Pototsky
Details: 89 pages

It is a spec script conundrum we all face. Give the reader the fastest read possible but still create enough depth and plot that we care about what’s going on. Can today’s script achieve that? I want to believe!

Note: This is one of those scripts you probably want to read before you read my review because in order to speak about pivotal parts of the script, I have to reveal major spoilers (someone will probably have the script in the comments).

Allie and Carin, both 20, on their way to explore the great white north together, end up getting kidnapped by a man we will only know as The Hunter. The Hunter drives them waaaaaaaay further up than either of them planned on going into the northernmost part of the United States, presumably Alaska (although we’re never told exactly where they are).

When they wake up, they’re in a cabin. The Hunter casually explains to them that they’re about to start a game and that the game will be streamed on the black net. The good news is, he’ll give them 6 hours to get as far away as possible. The bad news is, they’re in the middle of nowhere. So, chances are high that it’s only a matter of time before he hunts them down.

Of the two, Carin is the tough one. She’s the hiker outdoorsy type. Allie is the one who likes to stay in, screw around on the internet, and do nothing. So, naturally, Carin is the leader. And her first order is KEEP MOVING. They quickly get to a maze-like area where there are six directions to go and each is marked with a roman numeral. In other words, this is a very thought-out game.

They hurry off in the direction that seems most promising and soon start coming across notes from some girl named Becca, one of the previous contestants. Becca left these notes in hidden places to help other girls. So they use Becca as their guide. This ultimately takes them to a river but The Hunter catches up to them and is able to shoot and kill Carin. Allie is able to jump in the river before she’s killed, and that river gets her very far away from The Hunter.

But she knows The Hunter is coming. So she has to prepare. She eventually comes upon the corpse of Becca who, it turns out, escaped The Hunter. But she died out here of starvation. The fact that Becca didn’t get murdered infuses Allie with a newfound confidence. She then gets a crazy idea. She’s going to team up with Becca to take The Hunter down for good.

This script surprised me! The logline was so simplistic that I didn’t think it had legs.

But the script does all the basics well (Goal, stakes, urgency, conflict, likable protagonists, hated villain) and it has a few tricks up its sleeve that elevate it to a double worth the read.

But let’s start with the choice to go with two girls instead of one. That’s a big creative choice you’re making right there. Because, if you go with one girl, which I’ve seen plenty of writers do in the past, you don’t have any dialogue. That’s a dangerous direction to go in because readers need dialogue. If they don’t have it, they don’t have any “breathers” in the script – where they can cover 2 pages in 20 seconds. Readers like those breathers.

On the flip side, two people makes the reader feel safer than one.  So you lose a little bit of the fear you would’ve gotten by placing a girl out here alone.  Personally, I think the writer made the right choice.

I also liked the way he explored it. He starts with Carin as the tough one and Allie as the weak one. And then, late in the second act, Carin’s killed and Allie must become tougher to win. So we get this really nice character transformation.  Every reader (and audience member) loves a good protagonist transformation.

I also noted something interesting about Carin’s death and how it affected the story. Once Carin dies, Allie instantly becomes a much deeper character. Why? Because she’s experienced the death of her best friend. These are the kinds of things that a lot of writers are forced to do via backstory.

For example, in a lesser version of this screenplay, Allie would’ve been kidnapped alone and then we would’ve found out, throughout the story, that she recently lost her best friend. The writer would’ve tried to add depth to Allie’s character through that backstory.

But when we get to see that death with our own eyes, it hits a thousand times harder. And now we’re REALLY rooting for Allie because we feel her past. I know it’s weird to think of it this way but, essentially, if you started this story with Allie waking up after her best friend was killed out here in the forest, Carin’s death is technically backstory.

But what really elevated this script for me was Becca. I’m always looking for ways to create unique characters. Cause how many different ways can you portray a person? Not that many. That’s why it’s so hard to create fresh characters that pop off the page. But clever writers can do it. And this one did it by making a dead character the third biggest character in the movie.

Because all Becca is doing is leaving notes. Leaving trails to follow. Leaving hope. And we even see her, at the end – her body at least. I don’t know if this is going to become a trend but Dead Becca plays a huge role in the climax (we just saw a dead character play a major part in a battle in Deadpool and Wolverine). She’s almost as big of a character as Carin is. That’s really something. To create somebody so memorable who’s not technically in the story.

That triple combo: Losing Carin, Allie’s character transformation, and teaming up with Dead Becca to take down The Hunter, were what elevated this script above your average action-thriller spec.

Something else I liked about this script is that the writer deftly avoided some of the yuckiness that could’ve been attributed to it. You read this logline and it reads like a 2004 logline, 12 years before the #metoo movement where hunting girls in scripts was commonplace. So I was wondering if that would make it feel dated.

But, oddly enough, The Hunter is barely in the story. He’s there at the beginning. He’s there at the end. Very briefly in the second act he shows up. But that’s it. The rest of the script focuses on the girls moving through the forest. We hear him sometimes in the distance. But we never jump back to him. Which had an interesting effect. I think I felt more fear from NOT seeing him. Because, like the girls, I often didn’t know how close he was. So all I cared about was getting further away. It added a ton of intensity to the story.

I’m really happy that I came across this script because it’s a wonderful reminder that if you can tell a simple story well, you’re a screenwriter.

Honestly, I almost gave this an “impressive.” The only reason I didn’t is because it wasn’t making a bigger statement about the world. It was more about survival. And I think the ceiling for that formula is a double worth the read. But it’s definitely worth checking out, especially if you’re studying how to write a kick ass spec-script.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Learn how to tell a simple story well, like The Nowhere Game, and you’ve set the bedrock for your career as a screenwriter. Cause there’s nowhere to hide in a simple story. You have to be good with plotting and character. Once you’ve proven you can do that, you’ve graduated to being able to tackle more complex stories.

Genre: Sci-Fi/Horror
Premise: A group of young poor workers on a remote moon hatch a plan to steal cryo-bays from an abandoned orbiting space station but run into some unexpected trouble once they get there.
About: Alien Romulus proved that the Alien franchise isn’t dead yet. It scored a 5 million dollar increase (41 million) over the opening weekend of the last Alien film, Alien Covenant, although it was 10 million shy of the last Alien film before that, Prometheus, which took in 51 million. The film was directed by Alien lover, Fede Alvarez, who wrote the script with longtime collaborator, Rodo Sayagues.
Writers: Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues
Details: 2 hours long

You know, I thought after Alien Covenant that the franchise was done. That movie was so so soooo very bad. The scene where robot Michael Fassbender nearly has sex with robot Michael Fassbender was the low point of the franchise, one I did not think it could recover from.

But Alien Romulus proves that audiences have a short memory and, as long as at least five years have passed, you can reboot anything.

Today’s movie reminds me that there isn’t just competition in the overall movie space for writers and directors, but that there’s this secret world of competition within franchises themselves. If the primary creators are no longer interested in making films for a particular franchise, studios hold “open calls” for creators to pitch their ideas.

I know so many people who want to make an Alien movie. And many of them have pitched their idea to 20th Century Fox. So when one of these ideas gets greenlit, it means that take beat out 100 other takes. You’re getting, what the studio believes, is the best version of Alien out there at the moment.

Now whether it’s ACTUALLY the best version is not up to the studio. It’s up to the audience. And I, in this very moment, am the audience. So I shall decide if they did a good job or not.

Rain, who looks 12 but who I think is 25, lives on some moon outpost with a bunch of other blue-collar workers barely scraping by. They’re all virtual slaves here and Rain lives with her brother, Andy, who’s a robot synthetic.

Rain’s old friends, led by her ex, Tyler, contact her and say they’ve got a beat on some cryo-bays up in an abandoned space station orbiting the moon. If they can get those bays, they can escape to a planet that actually has sunshine. The reason they need Rain is because her bro, Andy, is a Weyland-Yutani synthetic and the base is Weyland-Yutani. He can speak to it.

So off they go and head up to this station. Everything’s going all right at first but when they find the cryo-bays, they don’t have enough fuel in them. So now they need to find cryo-fuel. However, by turning the base back on, they’ve inadvertently restarted Weyland-Yutani’s alien program. So all these little face-huggers thaw out. And when the face-huggers see humans, they become aliens-in-heat. Of course, our crew has no idea what these things are and will have to learn the hard way.

Alien Romulus was a lot better than I thought it would be.

I say it all the time on this site: Every writer/creator gets in this business to remake their favorite movies. And there’s no question that Fede Alvarez loves Alien. He goes out of his way to capture the mood, look, and tone of that original film.

But there’s something I’ve learned over the years that’s been hard for me to accept. Which is that, no matter how much you love something, it’s impossible to mimic the original.

There have been many creators who love George Lucas’s Star Wars who have gotten a chance to contribute to that franchise. Yet, every one of those movies and shows lacks something. You can’t always put your finger on it. But there’s something about the unique mix of elements in a person’s head that makes them impossible to recapture.

You could even argue that the person THEMSELVES is unable to recapture them once they get older because, when you’re older, you’re no longer the same person. I tried to watch Attack of The Clones recently and it was so far removed from what made the original Star Wars great that it was downright depressing!

But we’re talking about Alien Romulus here. And look… you can tell if these movies are gonna work or not pretty much within the first 5 minutes. Those early scenes where the writer and director are setting up the characters tell you a lot. Cause characters are hard to get right. So if we come out of those wanting to follow the characters, the movie is going to work.

I liked Rain. I liked her situation. There’s an early scene where she’s finally gotten enough work hours to travel to a nicer planet but when she goes to claim her travel papers, they tell her the company is now requiring twice as many hours of service. So she’s got another five years on this rock. That alone made me want her to succeed.

I thought the use of such a young crew was an interesting choice. I don’t think it was the right move though, at least from a story perspective. There’s something about these lifers, who were in that first film, that made every scene feel lived-in. My guess for why these characters were so young was simply because the studio wanted to recruit new fans to the franchise. That and this is essentially a creature feature. Creature features work well with young casts. So that may have been how Alvarez justified it.

I noticed a unique thing while watching the latest Alien. Which is that, the fact that we all know aliens are coming later allows the script more time to develop characters.

Think about it. If everyone knows that our favorite aliens are coming, we’re going to be more patient. That patience allows the writer more leeway to set up his characters. That’s always the hardest thing to do in scripts because, usually, the reader doesn’t know what’s coming. So they’re impatient. Which means you have to rush through your character setups in an attempt to keep them turning the pages. But it’s a trap. Because, the less you set them up, the less we care about them. So a lot of writers will rush to the good stuff too fast, erroneously believing that, by doing so, they’re keeping the reader’s interest. But you have to make us care about the characters first and, whether you like it or not, that’s going to take time. It’s one of the trickiest balancing acts in screenwriting.

Because Fede accurately understood that we’d wait to see the infamous xenomorphs, he was able to use that first act to set Rain up, set Andy up, set their past up, set their future up, set some of the crew up, set up past relationships Rain had with them. It wasn’t perfect but it felt real enough that I was in.

Since all of that was properly set up, I enjoyed the second act, where they pay off a lot of those earlier character revelations.

HOWEVER.

Come on with that ending.

Come on.  With that ending.

I understand that you’re trying to evolve the mythology. You want to make your own mark. But isn’t this the exact same mistake they made in Alien 3 (or was it 4)? They tried to create some alien-baby hybrid and it totally backfired. The creature design was nothing to write home about. Also, they had to stretch the plot and exposition earlier in order to make sense of why a baby is able to grow from 15 inches to 9 feet tall within 5 minutes. It made zero sense and was dumb. Which is too bad because, up until that point, I was very into this movie.

So, we’re going to split the difference here. Really good first and second acts. The climax fell apart. But a fun movie overall.

[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the price of admission
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: We often talk about the main character’s goal in a screenplay because that goal will motivate a large portion of the plot (Rain must get the cryo-bays). But there’s another goal all writers should be aware of which I call the “life goal.” The life goal is something that happens beyond the end of your story. And it’s something that gives your character more depth. In this case, Rain is trying to get this cryo-bay so she can have a new life. So she can live on a planet with a sun. Notice how that goal creates a larger scope for your hero and allows the reader to see beyond the here and now.

Adam Sandler was just on the Joe Rogan podcast and a big portion of the interview focused on stand-up. Before Adam Sandler became a movie star and even before he was on Saturday Night Live, he did stand-up.

Sandler talks about those early days when he would go up on stage and bomb. The crowd wouldn’t be laughing at ANYTHING. He said that every night he went back home after he bombed and was not phased at all. Cause he just KNEW he was going to make it.

Rogan said the same thing happened to him. He was stumbling around Hollywood not really connecting with anything. But he knew that he would make it. He called it the “value of being delusional.”

When he said this, I knew exactly what he meant. I had the exact same feeling when I first got to Los Angeles. I worked at an editing facility in the Valley and I would use it to edit stuff that I shot. I would put these shorts and videos together in the back editing bays and, occasionally, co-workers would come through and watch them and, most of the time, have very confused looks on their faces. They didn’t really understand what I was doing.

But it didn’t bother me at all. I’d think, “Clearly they have bad taste if they don’t realize this stuff is brilliant. Because it is.” I genuinely thought I was going to be some big director on the level of Quentin Tarantino. I’m not lying. I genuinely believed that.

Not only is it great to be delusional. It’s required. Because what you eventually learn is that you’re not competing against a dozen other people. You’re competing against hundreds of thousands of people. And the top 50,000 of those people will do anything to make it. If you’re not delusional in those early stages, you’ll give up.

That’s what delusion provides you. It provides you with confidence while you hone your craft and actually get good. That’s what happened with both Sandler and Rogan. Their early stuff sucked. But they were delusional long enough to get better until they both got their break (Sandler with SNL and Rogan with News Radio).

But that’s the rub, isn’t it? This only works if you find that first success before the delusion wears off. Once you understand what you’re up against, and how difficult it is to succeed in this town, you start playing scared. Your doubt starts to overwhelm you. Every page you write is the worst page ever. And every script you write that isn’t received well feels like one more nail in your screenwriting dream coffin.

This led me to today’s question: How does one succeed if they never experienced success before their delusion ran out?

Or, more pointedly: What replaces delusion as your main motivational force?

You have to change the way you perceive success. If success is only getting a movie you wrote into 2000 theaters, then of course you’re going to feel more and more like a failure with every failed script. And let me tell you something. I know writers who worked their asses off to finally achieve that feat and you know what almost all of them told me? They’re upset the movie didn’t do better. Or they’re upset that the producers changed things. Or they’re upset at all the b.s. they had to go through behind the scenes which took all the fun out of it.

In other words, even when you find success, you will move the goal post so that you can continue being frustrated.

Happiness, when it comes to screenwriting (or any art), must be internally motivated. It sounds cheesy but in order to succeed at screenwriting after the delusion wears off, you have to love what you write. As long as you sit down and write something and you love writing that story, you’re winning.

Because while you may not be receiving the financial benefits the professional writers are, I can almost guarantee that you’re having a better writing experience than they are. You’re writing something you love. They’re writing to make sure people aren’t disappointed in them.

Okay, that’s all well and good, Carson. Rah rah rah! Write for yourself. Stay poor your entire life. Never find success. The career we all dreamed of. Thanks for the help.

That’s not what I’m saying. I still want you to succeed and I still believe you will succeed. Here’s how that happens: Write the ideas you personally love so that you continue writing. As long as you continue to write, you will keep getting better. If you keep getting better, you have a shot at becoming a professional.

BUT! You still have to be your own agent. With every script you finish, you want to push it out there to as many people as possible. If you don’t know people, pay for contests. If you don’t have money, put your scripts up on message boards and trade feedback. You should be aiming to get AT LEAST 25 PEOPLE to read every script you finish. That’s the bottom required number for you to hit if you want any realistic chance of selling a script, or getting an agent, or getting hired for a job.

You’re going to get a lot of no’s no matter WHAT. Even if you have that ‘in’ at Lionsgate – the number 4 executive there who told you you can send him a script any time. Even if that guy likes it, it may not be the right fit for the company. So you can’t just send the script out to 3 or 4 people then move on. That’s one of the biggest mistakes screenwriters make. They never give their scripts a chance.

If you get your script to 25 people and they all read it and the feedback is underwhelming… MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE. If you get your script to 25 people and 5 of them say there’s something interesting there but it needs more development, consider writing more drafts to meet that potential. If you get your script to 25 people and the feedback is good, you may have something on your hands and you should start REALLY pushing that script. To 50 people. To 75 people.

Because you’re going to get a lot of no’s no matter what. Even people who really like your script are going to have to say ‘no’ for one reason or another. That’s why you give it to a lot of people. I think the Black List is suss sometimes but if you can afford 4 reviews, that’s 4 people you just got it to. And if one or two give you an 8, you’re onto something.

You can give it to me. I’m not cheap but you can ask me straight up, “Carson, is this script worth pursuing or should I move on to the next one.” I’ll give you my honest opinion.  What I recommend you do, though, is get multiple logline consultations from me BEFORE YOU WRITE THE SCRIPT so I can save you time on stuff that won’t get reads (e-mail me at Carsonreeves1@gmail.com).

And don’t tell me finding 25 people to read your script is hard. You want to know what’s hard? Finding 25 people to read your script before the internet. THAT WAS HARD. Finding 25 people to read your script when you’re connected to 8 billion people is a piece of cake. I’m sorry but you’re not getting my tears if you can’t figure that out.  Trust me. If you want it bad enough, you’ll find those 25 people.

The way you pursue screenwriting after the delusion wears off is to love the act of screenwriting. As long as you’re enjoying telling stories, you are winning and you are getting better. And as long as you’re getting those scripts out there once you’re finished, you’re giving yourself a shot at becoming a professional.  Never stop doing that and, eventually, your day will come.

Black Swan meets Promising Young Woman?

Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: A woman who discovers she is suffering from severe synesthesia gets recruited into the secretive, cult-like industry of color design by a mysterious corporation but then uncovers the bloody, dark, and twisted reality of what it really takes to make the world’s next great hues.
About: Palette is written by Zack Strauss and received 9 votes on last year’s Black List. Strauss was a writer on the comedy show, “SMILF,” as well as “NCIS: New Orleans.”
Writer: Zack Strauss
Details: 101 pages

When I wrote up my evaluation of every Black List entry from 2023, only two of them got a coveted “must read.” This was one of them. I love this concept. It’s weird. It’s different. Most of the time, us readers read the same old concepts again and again. If we’re lucky, we read a fresh take on a familiar idea. But if we’re really lucky, a concept like this drops into our laps – something that’s truly original.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to be good! As the old saying goes, “You can’t execute the target if you can’t shoot straight.” I just made that up. Nobody’s ever said that. But the point is, you have to execute your unique idea. Let’s see if our color-hungry writer has given us a pot of gold at the end of this luxoriously colorful rainbow…

When Dolly was a kid, she got bullied. In a fit of rage, she jammed the tip of a rake into her bully’s eyeball, inadvertently killing him. Cut to years later and Dolly is an adult. Dolly believes that her overstimulated hearing, which helps her see colors others can’t see, was the reason she attacked the boy. So she now wears noise-canceling earplugs. Essentially, she operates as a deaf person even though she isn’t deaf.

But life as a handicapped person with a murder on her record doesn’t get you the best work. So she’s basically working as a slave at a printing factory. That is until, one day, on the subway, her earbud pops out, allowing her to see colors better. She sees an ad that says, “If you can see this, come to our company. We’ll give you a job.” When she puts the earbud back in, the advertisement turns red and the message is gone.

She goes to the company, called Palette, where she meets a manager there, Latrice. Latrice gives her a color test (line up 100 objects, all the same color with tiny variations, from brightest to darkest). Dolly refuses the test, saying she can only do it if she takes out her earbuds but taking out her earbuds makes her violent. Latrice leaves the room, allowing Dolly to remove the earbuds and she aces the test.

Latrice brings her into the fold, explaining how valuable color is. Color can pretty much make anybody do anything. It’s the OG hypnosis. And the good news is the company is dedicated to finding colors that save lives. That’s important to Dolly who, even 20 years later, still holds a lot of guilt for taking a life.

Dolly’s main rival in the company is a girl named Sidney. Sidney is unlike the rest of the colorists in that she’s not as talented as them, but she’s willing to do anything to find the next game-changing color. For example, she tortures a bear in the lab because this unique bear has a particular bile color that can potentially save lives. Sidney’s arguments are sound (what’s one bear if we can save thousands of people?) but Dolly doesn’t like her.

Late in the movie, Dolly and Sidney have a blow-up and Sidney starts calling her a freak, just like that bully did so many years ago. (Spoiler) Let’s just say it doesn’t end well for Sidney. But because Palette is so dedicated to the cause, they overlook this minor infraction. Dolly is still their best colorist and they need her if they’re going to continue the mission!

So, there’s a phase in the writing of every script where you’re trying to find your script. Because, when you came up with the idea, you had a good feel for what the movie was going to be. But once you laid that idea down onto 100 pages, you realized that there wasn’t enough there yet and you needed to fill things in.

This is an exploratory phase of the screenplay that you *want* to go through. Actually, to me, it’s the most fun phase of screenwriting. Cause you find all this cool stuff that you didn’t think of initially. This phase has no set number of rewrite drafts. It could take you 2 drafts. It could take you 10 drafts. It all depends on how easily you’re able to find your script.

After you’ve figured out your script, you usually need several “solidifying” drafts. This is where you take all of the threads that didn’t go anywhere and get rid of them. This is where you take that big plot thing you finally figured out and set it up better (as opposed to bringing it in late without much explanation). This is where you solidify that big important thing you finally figured out about your main character. This is where you tighten the screws.

The mistake a lot of writers make is they stop one or two drafts before they get to the “solidifying” stage. So the script has all these promising pieces. But they don’t come together yet. They’re these individual things that you appreciate but they’re not yet part of a movie.

This is exactly where I would place Palette. It’s 1-2 drafts shy of finishing the exploratory phase. And then it would need at least a couple of drafts to solidify.

For example, this concept of alchemy keeps coming up in the story so you’re under the impression that we’re heading towards a reveal where we learn this color company is a front to recruit people who can help create gold. Instead, this obsession with alchemy is never paid off.

Then you have this overly complex rule set in regards to Dolly’s character. When she hears things, it causes her to imagine violent colors and therefore she becomes violent? So she wears ear plugs. Yet, this cuts off her natural ability to hear heightened colors. Every time I read that, my face got scrunched up because it was more complex than it needed to be. Just make her good at seeing color! Why the wacky rule set?

Then there’s the overarching plot. There was none! We’re just watching her come to work every day and work on colors. There’s no bigger plot. Which is a fairly simple fix. You just give them a really big client and this client needs a rare color. If they don’t deliver, it could result in the entire company getting shut down. So there’s a race to find that color.

Despite these issues, the script had its moments! There’s an early scene where Dolly is touring Palette and is unsure if she wants to join. They then explain to her how important color is. There were a ton of men in Tokyo committing suicide in subway stations. Then they started putting a certain type of blue LED light in those stations. That shade of blue was known to calm people. So suicides went down 94%.

That’s a cool fact. And it helped it feel like our protagonist’s work was important.

Then, of course, later, (big spoiler), we have the murder of Sidney. Any time you have a dead body in a story, you’re in good shape because there are real stakes involved now.

But these little bright stars in the script were way too far from the center of the galaxy. They felt like outliers. Because of that, Palette reads more like a dream than it does a screenplay. Maybe it’s meant to be this artsy film that doesn’t work on the page. But that doesn’t help me as a reader. I just want to be entertained and Palette didn’t give me enough of that.

One final note. People make fun of E.C.’s lit expression. But this script could’ve used some lit expression. It’s a script about color yet the whole thing was written in black and white. It’s very hard to get people to imagine color that way.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: You need humor even in sad scripts. There’s an overarching sadness to every beat in this story. Audiences don’t like when the rollercoaster never dips or rises. They need SOME VARIETY in their emotion. And humor is a great way to provide those rises.

What I learned 2: You know how you don’t want to take banana bread out of the oven too early? Same thing with your script. It’s got to bake the full 90 minutes. Not 75 minutes. Not 85 minutes. Not even 88 minutes. 90 MINUTES!