I want to take yet another opportunity to convince the unconvinced that Wonka is a great movie. It’s REALLY good, guys. I think ALL screenwriters should watch this movie SPECIFICALLY if you like writing big-budget stories. Writing big-budget screenplays is the most unfulfilling job there is for a screenwriter because the studios don’t let you do anything. You have to stay very close to formula and any creative risk you take, they force you back towards the middle.
The only time I’ve seen studios let writers loose on 9 figure budgets was with Marvel. When Marvel was hitting a home run every time out, the development oversight got less and less rigorous. They felt the script didn’t even matter at that point. That gifted us the awesome Thor: Ragnarok. Of course, that leniency ended up doing them in because then we got The Eternals, Doctor Strange 2 and Thor: Love and Thunder, big screenplays that took lots of creative risks, many of which failed.
Wonka doesn’t take any gigantic risks but it takes all these smaller ones and knocks every single one of them out of the park. For example, a weaker screenwriter would’ve brought Wonka into town and had him stay at a random cinematically beautiful apartment while he attempted to build his chocolate empire. Good screenwriters know that there’s no conflict in that. You’re not pressuring your hero enough.
So King invents this nifty idea where Wonka gets trapped inside this evil Inn that he’s never allowed to leave. This creates a dramatic question that injects constant conflict into the story. If Wonka can never leave, how does he build his empire? The answer is he has to get creative. He has to find ways to escape. He has to find ways to get all his work done even though he’s snuck out all day. All of this creates a much more robust and active storyline where pressure is constantly being placed on the hero.
Pro Tip: The more pressure you can place on your hero, the better.
Wonka nails every single one of its subplots as well. In most of the scripts I read, the subplots are filler. You can tell that the writer doesn’t really care about them. They know they need to fill up space and, therefore, they add the requisite number of subplots to do so. Good writers don’t write subplots to fill up space. They write them because they care about them. A character subplot may not be as big as a protagonist subplot. But it can be just as fulfilling.
That’s what we get with Noodle’s storyline. It’s a story we’ve seen a million times before. A kid is searching for direction in the absence of having a mother or father. But there’s something about the way King writes where he gets us invested in these characters no matter how familiar their storylines are. Here, he makes Noodle likable in such a simple way. Noodle’s entrance into the story has her trying to warn Wonka away from this Inn. That’s the thing about likability. It’s often created within simple actions. If you have someone trying to help our hero, we’re obviously going to like them!
But it isn’t just that with Noodle. It’s finding the perfect balance between sad but not so sad that we don’t want to be around her. Cause that can happen. You create a character who’s in a bad situation in life and they’re such a downer about it that we get annoyed by them. Noodle is sad because she doesn’t have parents and she’s stuck in this Inn. But she’s still upbeat and game for doing anything exciting, which is how she forms her friendship with the more risk-taking Willy.
Go see this movie, people. It’s got like a million screenwriting lessons in it.
The other movie that’s surprising people with its longevity is Anything But You. Hollywood is DYING for the rom-com to make a comeback. They’re so cheap to make that a revival would print money for th industry. So why haven’t they made a comeback yet? Kate Hudson has a theory. She made headlines recently for saying that male actors don’t want to be in rom-coms. Rom-coms aren’t “cool.” There may be some truth to that. The only way to make these now is to identify a very particular type of actor – one who MIGHT become a star but there’s just as much of a chance that he’ll amount to nothing. You take a chance on them hoping female audiences like him enough that your movie becomes a rare hit. I’m sorry but you’re not going to get Paul Mescal or Jacob Elordi in your rom-com because they’re shooting towards stardom. They’re not interested in light and fluffy. But you might get Glen Powell. He was in the biggest movie of the year a couple of years ago, Top Gun: Maverick. He just wasn’t the star. So you take a chance on him and hope he delivers.
And it worked. Because Anyone But You has now taken in 43 million dollars. That’s A LOT for a romantic comedy in 2024. A LOT. Not only that, but its ticket sales went UP from the previous weekend (10 million). No other movie came close to that other than The Iron Claw, and for that movie it was easier cause it’s not making nearly as much money overall. Throw in a big side salad of Sydney Sweeney and you’ve got a formula for success.
As for this Night Swim movie, I have mixed feelings about it. Night Swim finished in second place this weekend, behind Wonka, with 12 million bucks. The movie will turn a profit. I mean all they had to pay for was a swimming pool, right? How much does it cost to rent a swimming pool for 2 weeks? 200 bucks a day? Times 14. 2800 bucks. That’s how much this movie cost to make – $2800. So it’s already up $11,997,200.
Here’s the thing, though. On the surface, this looks like a stupid idea. They built an entire movie around a pool. M. Night Shalayhamn could’ve taught these guys a thing or two about what happens when you do that. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that everything has been done in horror. You have to take chances with your concepts if you have any shot at standing out. You can’t have killer dolls all the time. The nice thing about Blumhouse’s model is that you can take chances on concepts like this.
They took that shot and it’s going to make them money. It’s not going to be a hit. Blumhouse won’t be threatening the town with the prequel to this one, “Luke Warm Jacuzzi,” or a sequel, “Olympic Sized Pool Grand Reopening,” or a spinoff, “Old People With Questionable Bladder Doing Laps.” If anyone’s going to do a pool sequel, they need to go back 200 years to find out what resulted in that Native American graveyard in Poltergeist. But Night Swim is going to keep Blumhouse’s lights on for a month or two, giving them time to find their next M3GAN or Get Out.
The lesson from this weekend’s box office is my favorite lesson to regurgitate: A great script pays off. When Wonka opened to mild box office numbers, everyone wrote it off (including me). But the movie is SO WELL WRITTEN that everyone is telling everyone else how good it is. That is 100% because of the script. So keep writing, people. Cause if you do, there’s no reason why this kind of success can’t happen to you.
Wanted to get this on everyone’s radar. We have the first Logline Showdown of the year in three weeks (edit: old post – it’s on the 25th)! I want to get as many entries in as possible so we can find a truly great script. If you haven’t done a logline showdown yet, here’s how it works. You send me your title, genre, and logline. I pick the five best loglines I receive. I place them up here on the site. And you, the readers, vote for your favorite. The winner gets a script review the following week, and all the accolades that potentially come with it. One of the recent winners, Last to Live, got his script optioned. This is how scripts get discovered in the modern age, people. So stop being a scaredy-cat and let’s see what you’ve got!
What: January Logline Showdown
Deadline: Thursday, January 24th, 10pm Pacific Time
Send me: Title, Genre, Logline
You can send: feature scripts, short stories, or pilots
Where: carsonreeves3@gmail.com
Prize: Winner gets a script review the following week!
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Premise: A corporate spy poses as a personal chef to the disgraced founder of a neuroprosthetics firm in order to steal his seismic-shifting new invention from his secluded villa in Greece.
About: This script finished number FOUR on the most recent Black List, a list of the best scripts in Hollywood. Unlike a lot of the Black List writers, Colin Liddle does have a produced credit to his name. He penned an episode of Penny Dreadful: City of Angels.
Writer: Colin Liddle
Details: 117 pages
I’m not sure what you’d call this sub-genre but I know it’s growing in popularity. The idea is to send a “normal” person into the home/compound of a much more powerful person and then explore the dynamic between the two in an entertaining way.
This was the setup for Ex Machina. It was also the setup for two of last year’s Black List scripts, one where a rookie quarterback goes to train with a Tom Brady-like character and another where a nanny goes to work for a female CEO on her remote island home.
I like the setup but both that Tom Brady and Nanny script showed me that it’s harder to pull off than you think. Both those scripts limped to the finish line. Ex Machina had a few extra elements in its arsenal to play with, which is why it was able to finish strong.
Let’s see how Head Games finishes.
Jacob Dalton is in his late 20s and is an impeccable rising chef. In fact, he just got invited to work with a world-renowned chef, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. But then tech billionaire Graham Caldwell, one of Dalton’s customers at his cafe, offers him a job to be his private chef in his Greek villa. The money is too big to turn down so Jacob says yes.
But just as we arrive in the villa, we’re given shocking information. Jacob is secretly working for Niles Caldwell, Graham’s son, who runs his own tech company. Graham, apparently, is working on some game-changing brain tech and Niles wants Jacob to steal it. It turns out they’ve been working on this plan for months. Jacob went off and learned how to be a great chef then got hired at the one cafe Niles knew his father went to. After months of Jacob blowing Graham away with his cooking, Graham decided to hire him, setting the rest of the plan in motion.
Once at Graham’s villa, Jacob realizes his job is going to be a lot more complicated than he thought. There are cameras everywhere so he can’t just sneak into Graham’s office and swipe a jump drive. He’s going to have to build more trust with Graham and look for another way in.
As this trust-tree process is happening, Jacob learns more about what Graham is working on. Graham has created a way to physically experience memories. So instead of just remembering that great date you had, Graham can make it seem like you are right back in that moment. When Graham shows Jacob the power of this by allowing him to relive a moment with his deceased father, Jacob is shocked.
But it turns out that’s only the tip of the iceberg. The technology can be used for much more nefarious purposes, such as mind-control. You think you see things. You think you’re doing things. But it’s all just manipulation by a puppeteer. When Jacob becomes hip to the likelihood that Graham is controlling him, he has to do the impossible: get out of here despite someone controlling his every thought.
Not long ago, I consulted on an amateur screenplay that had a very distinct issue. It made you work too hard for your meal. It wasn’t a bad screenplay by any means. But the amount of description and setup you had to push through in order to get to the payoffs, get to the good scenes, get to the meat and the climax, was A LOT. This script felt similar to that.
It’s a fun premise. But there are too many scenes describing character actions and listening to characters talk to each other… that don’t push the story forward enough. This is a little-talked about aspect of screenwriting. One of the first things we learn is that every scene must PUSH THE STORY FORWARD. Wherever the characters are trying to go, at the end of the scene, we should feel closer to that destination.
But what nobody talks about is that a scene can push the story forward 3 feet or 3 inches. If your scene is only pushing the story forward 3 inches, it’s not doing enough to keep the narrative active. It’s better than not moving the story forward at all but I read too many scenes in this script with Jacob and Graham talking to each other where, after the scene was over, it felt like we’d barely moved.
This is what I mean when I say, you’re making us do a lot of work for not a lot of reward. The reader needs to be rewarded to want to keep reading. If you’re not consistently providing us with captivating mysteries, interesting unresolved relationships, and satisfying payoffs to earlier setups, we’re going to get restless.
What’s odd about this script is that it should still work better than it does despite these issues. It has a classic dramatically ironic setup at its core. Our hero is going into a scenario undercover to steal something. We know this. And we also know that the antagonist, Graham, *doesn’t* know this. This means we have superior knowledge over Graham, which should provide a level of suspense every time the two chat.
The thing about dramatic irony is it always works better when we know that the hero is in trouble but the hero doesn’t know this (think John McClane when he runs into Hans at the top of the building in Die Hard). In Head Games, it’s the antagonist who’s “in trouble.” So we don’t feel that same worry as we do when it’s the hero in danger.
Dramatically ironic antagonist situations can work but they often require our hero to still be in danger if discovered. For example, if we’re following an FBI agent who infiltrates a gang – that’s a situation where if he gets found out, he’s dead. So the stakes are much higher. Here, if Jacob is found out, it feels like he’s going to get a very angry scolding. That changes *a little bit* in the third act when major reveals up the ante. But it’s too little too late.
A few of you probably spotted some other issues as well, such as the fact that what our hero had to do to get into Graham’s home was mimic a world-class chef. As if learning how to cook Michelin-star-level meals was easy. Pretty sure it takes most chefs 15 years before they can cook a meal that blows the most discerning people in the world away. Also, building a plan around hoping someone hires you to be their personal chef is not a very good plan.
In the end, this script reminded me of a very specific movie, the 2001 film, “Antitrust,” starring Ryan Phillipe and Tim Robbins. It had the same young-old cat-and-mouse technological slant to it. But just like that movie, it never did anything strong enough to grab you and pull you in. It was all just a little too light and airy. For that reason, this wasn’t for me.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: When you come up with your hero’s plan, you don’t want that plan to contain parts that rest on SOMEONE ELSE doing something YOUR HERO HAS NO CONTROL OVER. That’s why the “Graham hires Jacob as his personal chef” part doesn’t ring true. Nobody in the real world would build a plan around that cause they have no control over it. In general, your hero should control their own destiny – or at least be attempting to. If they’re ever hoping for a coincidence in order to succeed, you haven’t constructed their plan correctly.
Is today’s script “The Player” for Gen Z?
Genre: Thriller
Premise: After passing on a hot new screenplay, a studio executive finds himself trapped as the protagonist inside the film and must regain control before the credits roll.
About: This script finished NUMBER 3 on the most recent Black List.
Writer: Jordan Rosenbloom
Details: 111 pages
Cooper needs a snazzy fun script after the dudtopolis that was Maestro.
“Bad Boy” has set a high bar for the 2023 Black List. I’m doubtful that any script can top it. Oh, and if you’re wondering why I’m jumping from the number 1 script to the number 3 script today, it’s because I’ve already reviewed script number 2! It’s called Stakehorse and you can check out my review here.
As for “Spoiler,” I knew nothing about it going in. Yes, I do those Black List logline breakdowns in my annual Black List Logline Assessment post. But I’ve forgotten almost every script since then. That’s the way I like it. I enjoy going into a script as blind as a bat. It gives me the best chance of being surprised.
Sam Feldstein is a 40-something executive at Silverhead Studios. Sam is about to be named the new head of that studio. At least, that was the plan BEFORE his latest movie, “Captain Queer,” plunged to a 68% on Rotten Tomatoes the morning after the Thursday evening showings. It’s looking like the 200 million dollar movie is going to suffer an Aquaman 2-like weekend.
Sam tries to ignore this while taking a breakfast meeting with the hottest writer in town, “The Kid.” The 20-something “Kid” is all the rage and boy is he eating up the attention. Which, of course, makes Sam’s breakfast with him insufferable. Less than five minutes into The Kid’s pitch for his next movie, Sam tells him to F-off. He’s too douchey for Sam to handle. As far as he’s concerned, Silverhead will never work with this guy.
But before Sam leaves, The Kid makes him take his latest screenplay, and informs him that he WILL read it. Sam throws it back at him and heads to work. Once there, we get bits and pieces about this Captain Queer movie, which stars a young actor named Rocky Jones, who the married Sam had a secret affair with during production. Now, he wants nothing to do with Rocky. ESPECIALLY with the movie underperforming.
When Sam finally makes it to his office, he’s shocked to find that The Kid’s script is waiting for him. Annoyed, he rears back to toss it in the garbage, but out of curiosity, reads the first few pages. And the first few pages include Sam as a character. In fact, the first ten pages are the exact same meeting, word for word, that he had with The Kid earlier.
Convinced this is a sick joke, Sam asks his assistant if she’s seen anything suspicious, only to be told that he doesn’t look okay. When Sam delves further into the script, he’s horrified to see that EVERYTHING that has happened so far in his day IS IN THIS SCRIPT. Determined to find out what’s going on, he barrels into the city to search for The Kid.
When he finally finds him, The Kid comes clean. Sam is not a real person. “What did you do before breakfast today?” The Kid asks him. Sam racks his brain. He can’t remember. “That’s because you didn’t exist before that breakfast. I created you.” Horrified, Sam’s brain starts spinning. That can’t possibly be true. But the further into the day he gets, and the more of the script he reads, he comes to the realization that he is, indeed, a figment of The Kid’s imagination. Which means that when this movie is over, Sam is over. Can Sam find a way out? Or is this the one Hollywood problem he won’t be able to solve?
These scripts always work best on readers who’ve never read them before – these meta “what’s real, what isn’t” living-in-a-movie-or-a-video-game-or-a-book screenplays. But I’ve read a lot of them. So my bar is higher than most. Taking everything into consideration, I thought Rosenbloom’s take was pretty good. But it’s clear that the writer isn’t aiming for “pretty good.” He’s aiming for great.
Here’s the catch with these scripts – once we get used to the gimmick, the script has to deliver on a plot and character level, aka, the same level any other script has to deliver on. Without being able to lean on the wacky meta x-factor to carry the reader’s interest, can the script still be entertaining?
I’ll say this: Rosenbloom gives it his best shot. He is trying to say something here, both with the character of Sam (a man who’s abandoned his family for his work) and with life itself (ya blink and it’s over). I’m just not sure it was presented in a way that changed the game for me. It walked right up to the line of profound but then stepped back and retreated. Yeah, when the movie cuts to black, his life is over… okay. But I’m still sitting there saying, “So what?” Who is Sam? He’s a workaholic borderline a-hole executive. There’s nothing likable about him. I don’t care if he dies.
That’s not to say there weren’t things to enjoy. I liked how the script lures you into a sense of normalcy with its real-time first act, only to then shock the heck out of you later on, when the story starts jump-cutting. When we go that breakfast meeting, drive to the studio, head into work, it’s all happening in real time. Therefore, when the CUTS start happening, they hit us hard. Sam is in his office one second and then – BAM – he’s at a party. For a movie, this is normal. But imagine being a person in a movie and jumping from scene to scene with nothing in between. It’d be terrifying. And that’s exactly what it is for Sam.
I also loved that opening scene. All it is is a ten page breakfast scene. But the dialogue is strong and Rosenbloom does a good job building the tension. It starts off so casual but then the importance of what’s happening becomes more and more evident and The Kid becomes this, almost, ethereal figure, as he imposes upon Sam to read his script at all costs. By the end of that scene, I wanted to keep reading.
Sam’s backstory also had some nice moments that intersected nicely with the plot. You had this movie that was tanking on its opening weekend. We then reveal that Sam was sleeping with the star. The star, who’s mentally unwell, is stalking Sam, begging to be in his next movie. He then kills himself which, ironically, pumps up interest in the movie. So now Captain Queer is going to be a hit. That kind of plotting isn’t easy to pull off in such a tight space but I thought Rosenbloom did it well.
I was also impressed by how Rosenbloom rode this line between criticizing and championing the industry. “Captain Queer” is obviously a dig at Hollywood’s obsession with wokeness. Yet Rosenbloom plays it straight (no pun intended). He never makes a big deal out of the ridiculousness of the film’s subject matter.
They say to never write a script about the industry. I have an addendum to that. Never write a script about the industry UNLESS YOU’RE IN THE INDUSTRY. Because if you’re in the industry, you can inject the requisite specificity required to sell this world. I don’t know anything about Jordan Rosenbloom but I’d be surprised if he didn’t work in the industry in some capacity. There’s enough specificity here that I believed in his world.
I still think if you’re going to dip your toes into the fourth-wall-breaking meta movie-verse, your entry point should be “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.” That’s the best I’ve seen tackle this subject matter. But I’ve never seen anyone master it. It’s insanely hard. Still, Spoiler does a decent job.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: It’s easy for these meta concepts to go off the rails. So I always recommend containing the story in as many other ways as possible. That way, even though you have this meta-weirdness going on, it’s still easy for the reader to keep up with the plot. That’s exactly what Rosenbloom does here by restricting this timeline to a single day (with a minor caveat at the end). By keeping everything in the here and now, it makes the weirdness easier to navigate.
And Scriptshadow is going to help you do it!
Whenever I don’t know what picture to use, I use a picture of the greatest candy ever.
First of all, I want to wish everyone a happy new year. It’s going to be a fun year at Scriptshadow. I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve I’m eager to reveal in the coming months. I recently got this amazing idea to help writers better connect with agents and producers that I’m shocked it took me this long to think up. I’ll share that with you soon.
But I’m excited, most of all, about us bringing new stories into the world. Each year, a select few are fortunate enough to experience that surge of inspiration that enables them to craft a tale that resonates with a large portion of the populace. My wish is that this opportunity presents itself to as many of you as possible.
Initially, I had a plan where you were going to write two screenplays in 2024, one for yourself and one for the industry. The former would allow you to engage in a more personal journey without having to worry about marketability or popularity. The latter would allow you to write the ultimate industry script, the kind that managers, agents and producers go gaga over.
After a couple of dozen e-mails from you guys, I’ve decided that that’s not the way to go. Not enough of you were interested in locking yourselves down into an unmarketable screenplay. Which was inspiring to hear. It tells me that you’re in this game for the right reasons – to entertain people. You’re not here to stroke your own ego.
So we’re still going to write those two screenplays. But I’m no longer putting restrictions on them. Write whatever script you want. Every week, here on the site, I’ll act as your guide – pushing you forward to make sure you not only finish your script but finish with the best version of that script possible.
What’s the reward you get for all this? Two completed screenplays by the end of the year, thank you very much! The reason two is better than one is because every screenplay is a crapshoot. You don’t know if it’s going to suck or not. By writing two scripts, you double your chances of writing something good. I’m tired of watching writers spend 3 years of their lives pushing one script. You need options.
The other reward is Mega Showdown. We do Logline Showdowns every month here on the site. They go through the weekend. But, in this case, we’re going to do a gigantic week-long showdown at the end of each six months specifically for these two scripts. It’s going to be fun. You’ll need a good logline to get into the competition. But once you’re in, you’ll have a chance to get your first 5-10 pages published on the site so that people are voting on more than just an idea. They’re voting because they’ve been pulled into your story.
So, what’s your first assignment? Over the next two weeks, I want you to decide on the concept for your first script. Why two whole weeks? Because your concept is going to make your screenwriting journey either REALLY EASY or REALLY HARD for you. If you choose a strong concept, everything about this journey becomes a thousand times easier. I can’t emphasize that enough. It all starts with the concept.
A good concept also makes writing the script easier. Take “Bad Boy,” for example, the kick-ass script I just reviewed in the newsletter about a dog who ends up with a new owner (spoiler) who he comes to realize is a serial killer. That concept starts generating scenes before you’ve even started writing it. You can already see the scenes in your mind. You know the scene is coming where the dog first sees his owner kill a victim. You know you’ve got plenty of scenes where the most recent kidnapped victim will try and connect with the dog to help her escape. The concept is providing you with scenes.
If your concept is more passive or internal, such as the film, The Zone of Interest, I promise you you will be pulling your hair out trying to come up with scenes to write. So, I don’t just want you to come up with a marketable concept. I want you to come up with a concept that’s going to make the writing easy. It’s going to generate scenes for you.
We can use this post here to test out ideas. I would strongly recommend getting feedback. If nobody’s excited about your idea, don’t let your ego get in the way. Move on to a new idea. That’s what these two weeks are about. They’re about throwing stuff out there and seeing what sticks. Because you can go back and change characters that aren’t working in a script. You can go back and change weak plot points. You can rewrite bad dialogue twenty times over until you get it right. But the one thing you can’t go back and change is your concept. You’re locked into it. So make sure you’re ULTRA CONFIDENT about your script idea. Don’t wait until the Mega Showdown to find out your idea sucks.
I know some of you are not keen on posting your movie ideas on the internet. You can always test them on me, as well. It cost 25 bucks (carsonreeves1@gmail.com) but I’ll tell you where I rate the concept on a 1-10 scale, I’ll give you a little feedback, I’ll rewrite the logline for you, and I’ll tell you straight up if it has zero chance of being chosen. So don’t come to me if you’re looking for a pat on the back. I’m going to give you the harsh truth because I don’t want to send anyone down a six-month road that I know will lead to failure.
I can’t emphasize this enough, guys. The concept you choose is going to have the BIGGEST INFLUENCE on the reaction to your script of any other factor. And if you don’t believe that, revisit your reactions to every single movie you heard about in 2023. I’m guessing you had a strong immediate reaction when you saw those trailers. That’s because we judge movies on the strength or weakness of the idea. I want you to come into this ring with the best fighter possible.
Okay, have fun, and don’t be afraid to throw out a bunch of concepts. Sometimes it’s the ideas we DON’T think are going to resonate that resonate. You never know until you share them.
Let the writing begin!
