I want you to take a time machine back to 2015 and try to imagine a scenario where William Zabka, the famous bully from the original Karate Kid movie, would have bragging rights over George Clooney about something that involved entertainment. Had you floated such a theory at the time, you would’ve been locked up by the Hollywood police! And yet, that’s exactly what happened, with Zabka leading Cobra Kai to the top slot on Netflix while Clooney and his rudderless sci-fi adjacent flick, The Midnight Sky, lags a couple of spots behind.

And in a world of such division, can we all universally agree that Cobra Kai is the greatest show ever on television? So it’s settled, then? Good. The amount of glorious cheese on display in this show is enough to keep a small country fed for a decade. I love how the writers unapologetically inject a dozen villains into the mix. Not to mention, the budget is clearly bigger now that they’re at Netflix. We’ve got flashbacks to Vietnam. Twisted Sister concerts. Heck, they were even able to send Daniel LaRusso to Japan! Cobra Kai for life!

From brass knuckles to brass tacks, last year was supposed to be a big transition for me to producing but, like a lot of folks, I was blindsided by a little illness known as Covid. But like any great pandemic does, the time sidelined allowed me to reflect and plan and now I feel even more excited about producing than ever.

The first phase of my plan will be announcing the finalists for The Last Great Screenplay Contest. That is going to happen next Friday (Jan 15), although there’s an off-chance I’ll post the finalists on Monday. I have been VERY happy with the contest. As I’ve mentioned before, my hesitation to doing contests is always the fear of spending hundreds of hours reading scripts only to come up with an average winner. That’s happened to me before and it sucked.

That HAS NOT BEEN THE CASE this time. In fact, I already have two finalists picked, either one of which I’d be happy awarding the gold medal to and, more importantly, both are highly marketable and wouldn’t cost a ton of $$ to make. In fact, in one of them, I think I just found the next John McClane. I also have a third probable finalist that, while not as marketable as the other two, is extremely well-written and I love the writer. On top of THAT I’ve gotten lucky because, over the last two months, I’ve received several consultation scripts from REALLY STRONG WRITERS. One of those scripts is a sure-thing movie (that comes from an Amateur Showdown winner, no less!) and the other comes from an amazing writer I will, no doubt, be working with for the rest of my career. All in all, I’ll be moving into 2021 with up to 7 great scripts I’ll be pushing around town, and that is something I did not have in 2020. So you’re definitely going to want to stay tuned next week to see the finalists. Then, the following Monday, I’ll announce the winner.

What does this mean for Scriptshadow? Well, if there’s anything 2020 has taught us, it’s that nothing’s set in stone. You have to be flexible. So rest assured, Scriptshadow is going to keep running. In what capacity, I’m not sure. Many of my decisions will be dictated by how busy I get on the producing end. But concessions will have to be made. For example, there might be more Mish-Mash Mondays, since they take less time to put together. Instead of reading a script and reviewing it, I might review something I watched, only because it saves me the time of having to read a script.

There is a scenario whereby, at the end of 2021, I’m only posting once a week. But that doesn’t mean the fun is over by a long shot. I’m thinking of doing another screenplay writing challenge. Last year we did it in two weeks? Which freaked some people out. I want to do one where you write a script in a month. A month is only 3.5 pages a day. Which is totally manageable. So start thinking of concepts NOW. Share ideas with your friends and get a consensus on which concept is the best one. You can always purchase my logline evaluation consult which includes an analysis, logline rewrite, and 1-10 rating. I tell everyone that unless your idea gets, at least, a 7 out of 10, don’t write the script (e-mail “logline” to carsonreeves1@gmail.com to get a consult – they’re only $25).

Finally, some advice for 2021. I recently had some interesting insights into four screenwriters’ lives. Two of those were Mayhem and Angela, who both finished in the top 5 of the Black List, and the other two were talented screenwriters who have not yet made it into the industry. What struck me about the difference between these sets of writers was that the first two, Mayhem and Angela, aggressively put their material out on the internet. Whether it was here at Scriptshadow, on Reddit boards, or their own website, they were all about exposing their writing. What that did is it allowed them to get a ton of feedback, which they could use to get better. They went through that cycle over and over again until their material was up to professional standards. And they were both rewarded for it.

Meanwhile, these other two writers, who I would argue are more naturally gifted than Mayhem and Angela, don’t put their stuff out there at all. Which means a couple of things. One, they’re not getting that constant stream of feedback which helps them get better. But, more importantly, if you’re not exposing your work, people aren’t seeing how talented you are. And here’s where it gets interesting. Without positive reinforcement, these writers were clueless to how amazing they were. They’re a 9 out of 10. But the lack of feedback has made them believe they’re a 5 out of 10. And the problem with that is that you’re not as motivated to write when you lack confidence. I’ve watched a lot of screenwriting careers end for this very reason.

All of this is to say, I encourage you to be more courageous in 2021 and to get your work out onto the internet. It’s not 1998 anymore. Back then, there was a strategic advantage to not exposing your work. If your script got out there, it was harder for your agent to create a sense of mystery and excitement about the script. But today, that doesn’t matter anymore. As everyone here knows, Headhunter, which finished number 1 on the Black List, appeared on this site a year earlier. And it didn’t hurt the script at all.

I want all of you to be the best possible screenwriters you can be. To do that, you need as much feedback as possible. You can’t improve in a bubble. You just can’t. And even if you could, it’s still beneficial to get exposure and build fans of your writing. And that can only happen if you get your stuff out there. So GO DO IT!

Two more notes. I will announce the next Amateur Showdown genre on Monday, the 11th (haven’t picked one yet so I’m open to suggestions in the comments). So be ready for that. And this Thursday, I’m bringing back the 10 Screenwriting Lessons series as I give you 10 Screenwriting Tips From Cobra Kai!

HERE’S TO A GREAT SCREENWRITING 2021!

Mayhem Jones, you ask? Who’s that? Isn’t the writer of the number one script, Sophie Dawson? Well, around here we’ve always known her as Mayhem. Not just because it’s her online alias, but because she’s always up to some kind of mischief. The good kind of mischief, of course. Speaking of mischief, Mayhem’s script, Headhunter, follows a cannibal who selects his victims based on their Instagram popularity. Today I ask her about that script, how she develops her ideas, and how she crafted the voice that won her so many fans around town. Enjoy the interview!

I know who I want to play Alan

SS: First off, congratulations! This all must be a bit overwhelming.

MJ: Thank you! I work a crappy retail job and this customer was arguing with me about leggings as my phone was blowing up with the news. I’m obsessed with Franklin Leonard and his annual Black List – my goal was to make the very bottom of it at some point in my life, so HEADHUNTER hitting #1 left me speechless. I quickly texted a friend who squealed: “I just showed the manager of H&M your name in Deadline!” and I was like, “Do you even know this person??” and he went, “No, but we’re both FREAKING OUT!!”

SS: By the way. There are many a rumor about where you live and what you do. I recently heard you live off the grid in a forest so big that it hasn’t been fully charted by the United States government yet. Can you tell us anything about where you reside or is that top secret?

MJ: TOP SECRET. I enjoy being incredibly difficult to reach, so when my managers insisted I set-up my cell phone’s voicemail (for the first time ever, I might add) stating my actual name and stuff… I was livid. It’s been 4 months and I’m still pissed! It’s really bizarre seeing people mention a script using my real name now. Don’t they mean Mayhem Jones??

SS: Why do you think, of all the scripts you’ve written, that Headhunter is the one that clicked with people and helped you break out?

MJ: Let’s face it, most of my earlier dialogue-driven work exploded all over the page in an insane, uncontrollable frenzy. With HEADHUNTER, I slowed down a bit. It’s still weird – but with less spin outs, more control! The producers and executives I talked to said it was a fun, interesting read that felt so different from what they’re normally given. Most importantly: you only need to find ONE PERSON to love and champion your script, and I hit the freakin’ jackpot finding a team who immediately took to the material. (Ha ha, sickos!)

SS: Can you tell us a little about your process for writing a screenplay? Do you jump right in? Do you meticulously outline?

MJ: I have a 40-beat chart that I use color-coded post-its to fill with one sentence scene pitches. I transfer that over to a word document where I go deeper: scene summary, links of research I might need, and “dialogue ideas”. I’ll transfer that into a Final Draft document with each beat numbered for clarity. I then write 2-3 scenes per day – withholding sleep, and sometimes food – until I make that quota. Once I have a more formal draft, I change my quota to 5-10 pages per day to more closely shape the scenes. I see dialogue and scene descriptions as totally different things, so I’ll do 10-20 pages a day of ONLY scene description work/polish, then switch to 5-10 pages a day of ONLY dialogue polish. I then do more broader passes of 20-30 pages per day.

Towards the end, I’ll do a “reader engagement” check – do I skim quicker over certain scenes? Those need more work. With a dialogue-heavy script like HEADHUNTER, I’ll have easily gone through it 100+ times, sometimes only changing a few words or moving a comma. I’ll go over the first 5-10 pages an extra 30+ times because it’s critical to gain the reader’s trust early.

SS: Headhunter has a BIG main character. Can you share your approach to character creation?

MJ: When I’m writing more voice-y stuff, it’s essential I relate in some way to the main character. This way, they can serve as a vector for my thoughts and opinions – which will lead to more energetic prose. I wanted to do a commentary on everyone’s 24/7 addiction to social media, so it made sense to make a cannibal character (us!) literally consume Instagram models (social media!), right? In general, I love the exploration of dark/demented characters that are presented in a more digestible way (uhhh, no pun intended). When people heard about HEADHUNTER early on, they were like: “Ewww! I’m not reading a script about a CANNIBAL!!” But once they found out I wrote it, they were like “Oh… OK. I know Sophie will do something different with it.”

SS: I suspect your dialogue was a big reason this script got passed around. What’s your secret to strong dialogue?

MJ: Dialogue succeeds when it’s natural, so I go with my “first take” as much as possible. The more you tweak it, the more awkward it sounds. I’m neurotic about looking up words I don’t know, and keep notes of dialogue ideas that pop into my mind. Even if I’m about to fall asleep – I’ll wake up and write it down. I’ll then go through my script and input these lines where they’d make the most sense. I was in Whole Foods listening to a pretentious douche brag about the price of avocados, and was like – my main character in HEADHUNTER could totally troll someone like that before killing them. Later, I read an article about how it rains diamonds on the planet Neptune. That fact was incredible! It’s a little too random to work into a conversation, but seemed like the perfect annoying ice breaker for an Uber driver.

You can even get more nit-picky if you want, and use rhythmic cadences. In HEADHUNTER, every time the main character wanted to close his eyes and disappear to another place – the description of the places he was daydreaming about had a certain rhythmic pattern. Towards the end of the script, when these daydreams were becoming more violent/unhinged, I slightly changed the rhythm (achieved by simply using words with different amounts of syllables) to be a bit “off” – so the sequence was more jarring.

SS: You get endless compliments about your unique voice, and rightfully so. Can you give other writers tips on finding their unique voice?

MJ: Ask yourself: what annoys the SH*T out of you? Start ranting about it. Seriously. Pull up a word document or whatever and write a paragraph about what pisses you off the most. Now, read it. Notice how animated you are? Notice how specific you are? Listen to yourself when you get angry – whether it’s about the Tesla that just cut you off, or the friend trying to offload their $1 Lake Tahoe timeshare on you – that super raw, inner monologue of yours is your “voice”. Apply that inner energy to scripts that deal with topics you have opinions on, and I guarantee you’ll notice a different kind of writing.

SS: What everyone is always asking is how to get an agent, how to get a manager, how a script goes from one’s computer to “sale.” Can you tell us, in as much detail as possible, how you got your agent/manager?

MJ: HEADHUNTER made the quarterfinals/semifinals in the 2020 Academy Nicholl Fellowships, and my friend was like, “YOU GOTTA QUERY PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!”. I hate querying so much, but I trolled the interwebs for awesome managers – begrudgingly sending the simplest/least annoying pitch I could to one per day. Someone on Reddit posted a Twitter thread by literary manager John Zaozirny, head of Bellevue Productions. It was about how he manages clients… I instantly became obsessed! I sent him a quick pitch, and amazingly he responded with a read request.

I was getting more read requests and even meetings – but after a zoom with John and his colleague Zack Zucker, I knew I wanted them in my life ASAP!! (I was right – they don’t mind my freak outs, ALL CAPS EMAILS, and ridiculous ideas, ha ha!) John and Zack started sending out HEADHUNTER, and it led to an astonishing six agencies wanting to know more about me. It was excruciating to decide (as many of these fabulous, fabulous agents have clients on this years Black List!!) but I have a wonderful team of people as crazy as me.

SS: Headhunter won Amateur Showdown and was reviewed on Scriptshadow a while back. Was there any feedback from the commenters you got that day that helped you improve the script to what it is now? If so, can you highlight some?

MJ: Honestly, the biggest complaint from that weekend was the genre. Everyone HATED that I called it a drama, saying it was more of a dark comedy. So I started labeling it as a dark comedy/satire. Except for some minor tweaks, it’s pretty much the same! The biggest change? A modified title. My manager John went all Sean Parker (from that famous scene in THE SOCIAL NETWORK) and said: “Drop the ‘The’. Just – HEADHUNTER.”

SS: I’ve found that there’s a direct correlation between a writer’s ability to stay positive and the length of time they stick with the craft. And since it takes a while to get good at this screenwriting thing, possessing the skill of remaining positive is very important. You are well-known for your positivity. Can you share your secret?

MJ: First off, you have to be in complete and utter denial about your odds of becoming a screenwriter. Like, it can’t even occur to you that it might not work out. You have to – naively as possible – keep marching forward. You gotta be a video game character that just keeps dying then regenerating. Second: you have to get over yourself, and get over yourself QUICK. I’m not perfect, not every script I write will be great, and I still have an unimaginable amount of things to learn about screenwriting. Self-deprecation and an overall humorous outlook on life (and its setbacks) is essential!

If one script doesn’t work out, maybe the next one will. Enjoy the hell out of any praise you get, but also get rejected often and early. I’ve been called EVERYTHING – from a “ranting maniac who probably spends her free time assembling robots out of old dishwasher parts” and “a mind numbing, insufferable dialogue hack” to a “plot-less blowhard who only writes to hear the sound of her own voice”. I’ll then dramatically read these jabs to my Mother, who’s like: “Sophie, most of those things are true.” HA!

SS: What are some of the tips you’ve learned over the years that have really improved your screenwriting? I like to call them, “Ah-ha,” moments. Can you give us a few of those tips that, when you heard them, you thought, “Oh my God, I need to start doing that!”

MJ: There’s so many great lessons everywhere, but for me one really stands out: I love the complexity of the opening scene in Aaron Sorkin’s THE SOCIAL NETWORK. The way the conversation is so out-of-step – with Mark Zuckerberg both jumping forwards and backwards on different topics – while Erica Albright just tries to keep up (being a few paces behind, or ahead). I’ll never be qualified to breathe the same air as Aaron, but this kind of jagged word play is interesting to watch and incredibly fun to write! If it fits the script I’m working on, I really like having an aloof character not quite on the same page as whoever they’re talking to.

SS: You’ve sent me, I believe, 5 scripts over a period of 8 years? And I believe you’ve written 20 scripts in total. In an industry where you get so little positive feedback until you make it, how did you stay motivated during that time?

MJ: WOW, has it been that long?! I feel like I started to take screenwriting “seriously” about 3-4 years ago. Because I was just writing off-and-on as a hobby (taking year-long breaks) during extremely demanding publishing jobs in New York City. But as my scripts got more and more positive feedback, I was like – wait, should I try to make this a career? I was just so swept up in climbing the ladder in a completely different industry that I wasn’t thinking about it. I just wrote for fun, experimenting in drama, dark comedy, and sci-fi to figure out my strengths and weaknesses.

I wouldn’t even use the term “motivated” to describe how I kept going… I’d rather say: have malignant, narcissistic masochist tendencies (seriously, be a complete sadist) with an urge to keep writing and throwing your work online. Amateur Offerings Weekend is one of the BEST things your site has ever offered to aspiring screenwriters – and was one of my biggest motivations to write, knowing I could pitch you some wacky crap and maybe you’d give me a chance. Thank you so much!

SS: You are, of course, welcome. One last question. You’ve got such an incredible imagination. What was your craziest script idea? Can you pitch it to us?

MJ: I had a terrible experience at the retail store JCPenney a couple years ago, so I came home and decided I was going to write a screenplay called: JCPENNEY IS A WHORE. I basically just listened to Beck albums on repeat while crafting this story about a suicidal man having 24 hours to locate someone’s stolen Justin Bieber concert ticket – before a bomb under that seat blew up the LA Staples Center. It opened with the protagonist tied up in Richard Simmons basement, having been lost in a human poker match to his insane maid.

There was only one scene that took place in an actual JCPenney (right before the main character went to Leonardo DiCaprio’s house for a party). It basically had everything you NEVER want in a script: sex robot-addicted cops, murders at Jack in the Box, a pimp with itchy pants syndrome who’s obsessed with vintage Nintendo systems, Chuck E. Cheese, and cameos by Amanda Bynes and Tish Cyrus (Miley’s mom). It never got past the outline stage, DON’T WORRY!!

After reading Silo, I realized how important it is to create a unique horror concept. I read horror concepts all year long. Unending numbers of horror loglines. And my thoughts are always the same – I’ve seen this already! Usually, multiple times! So when someone comes up with a unique horror idea, it stands out simply due to the fact that it happens so rarely.

While it’s easy to say, “Just give us an idea we haven’t seen before,” the reality is that coming up with an original idea is HARD. So today I’m going to give you some tips on how to stay fresh while writing in screenwriting’s most cliched genre – Horror. There are four main areas you want to focus on. If you come up with a unique option for ANY ONE OF THESE FOUR THINGS, that should be enough to differentiate your horror script from others. But if you can incorporate two or more of these variables, you should have something extremely unique.

1 – LOCATION – Where you set your horror script is going to help set your horror idea apart. If you’re setting a horror story in a house, you are in trouble. Houses aren’t original. Yesterday’s script, Silo, had a unique location. An abandoned missile silo! You’re not picking a unique location just to stand out in your logline. You’re doing it because unique locations lead to unique stories. Most houses are the same so there are only so many original things you can do inside of them. But a missile silo? With a radiation leak? That gives you story options galore. One of the best movies I saw this year was The Platform. Talk about a location – two people on a mysterious platform with half-eaten food that comes down every day. Another thing to keep in mind with location is that you want your heroes to be stuck there. The easier it is for them to walk away, the less tension there will be in the story.

2 – MONSTER – This should be obvious. But the more original your monster is, the more your horror concept will stand out. Yes, a unique mask for your monster will help. But I don’t know a single mask that hasn’t already been used in a horror film at this point. Something that gestates inside of you then bursts out of your chest (Alien) is a high quality unique monster. But monsters can be anything. In It Follows, the monster keeps taking the form of whoever is currently cursed. The Quiet Place monster had large ears since it needed great hearing to track its prey. Get creative. If it’s a ghost, come up with a new kind of ghost. If it’s a vampire, come up with a new kind of vampire. If it’s a scarecrow or a clown, you’re not trying very hard.

3 – CHARACTERS – It should come as no surprise that the characters at the heart of your story are paramount to making your horror script work. So try to construct a character we haven’t seen before. A mother who resents her special needs child (The Babadook). An author’s unhinged superfan (Annie Wilkes in Misery). A split-personality motel owner (Pyscho). A child who sees ghosts nobody else can see (Sixth Sense). I want you to think less about the physical (a character in a wheelchair – although that can work) and more about the psychological. A 150+ year old man in a little girl’s body (Let The Right One In) is an extremely unique character.

4) TIME – When you set your horror movie has a significant effect on how it will play to readers. A haunted house in 2020 is different from a haunted house in 1980 is different from a haunted house in 1870 is different from a haunted house in the 1500s. Setting a horror movie during World War 2 will play differently than setting a horror movie during the Bubonic Plague. If you just move down the timeline, you can find an endless number of eras that would make for interesting horror movies. The concept of time can be played with as well. We could have ourselves a loop movie (Happy Death Day). We could have a real-time horror movie. Lots of options available to you.

Once you have all these things, try to tie as many of them as possible to the situation in your story. For example, look at Get Out. If the girlfriend had brought home a white boyfriend, the family and community still could’ve been crazy and tried to sacrifice him in some weirdo climax. But by making the boyfriend black and the community white, it created a more interesting logline whereby it felt like, because of his skin color, the boyfriend was going into a potentially dangerous situation. It makes the logline sexier, which is what you’re looking for with horror concepts.

And, finally, in horror narratives, you start with a problem. Your heroes are living their lives and then this thing – usually a bad thing – arrives, and the movie becomes about solving this problem. In Poltergeist, the family buys a new house. Everything is wonderful. And then the TV takes their daughter. That is the “Problem.” Now how do you solve it? Trying to solve it becomes the goal (goal!) Preferably, the stakes are high (stakes!) and time is short (urgency!). There will be many obstacles along the way (the house starts attacking the other occupants!). If you’ve written strong characters, we’ll want to see them overcome all those obstacles and achieve the goal in the end. Easy peasy, right? Now get to writing!

YAY! A GOOD MOVIE! FINALLY!

Genre: Action/Supernatural
Premise: A young man goes on an 85-mile journey in a post-apocalyptic wasteland filled with monsters to reunite with his true love.
About: This was shaping up to be a big Paramount release until Covid hit. The script comes from Brian Duffield, who’s having a moment. He’s got his first major studio release in Love and Monsters and his directorial debut is coming out soon, Spontaneous (about a world where people spontaneously combust for no reason). I told you about Brian forever ago. Looks like people just now are realizing how talented he is.
Writer: Brian Duffield (and Matthew Robinson)
Details: 2 hours

I have never hidden my screenwriting love for Brian Duffield. At one point – maybe it’s even still the case – I had three of his scripts in my top 25. Monster Problems was one of those scripts. When I saw the trailer for the film (a full eight years after the script was written!) I didn’t recognize the script that I had read. That script was small and meditative and character-driven and clever. This trailer gave me a Monster Problems meets Zombieland vibe. It just felt like a different movie.

But then the reviews started coming in and they were good! Hmm, I thought. Maybe the heart of that way-back-when first draft survived all those studio rewrites. Sometimes that’ll happen. A concept is so good that no matter how much you mess with it, it will always work. Let’s get into the plot.

Joel lives in a bunker five years after a complex series of events led to the world being taken over by monsters. Joel’s a coward. Whereas the rest of the team in his bunker routinely goes out and kills monsters to keep the bunker stocked, Joel’s relegated to making the minestrone. That’s cause he locks up whenever he encounters a monster.

But Joel is done playing the loser. Right before the world fell apart, Joel had fallen in love with Aimee. The two were perfect for each other. But now Aimee is located 85 miles west of Joel in another bunker of people. You have to understand that 85 miles of travel on this monster-infested planet would be a suicide mission for a NAVY SEAL, much less a tiny scared dork. But Joel doesn’t care because he’s lonely and he wants to be with Aimee again.

Immediately after leaving the bunker, Joel is attacked by a giant frog monster hiding in a backyard pool. At the last second, Joel is saved by a dog named “Boy,” who pulls him away. Joel is happy to have company and asks Boy to join him. Boy says “bark!” and off they go.

Not long after that, Joel runs into an older man named Clyde and an 8 year old girl named Minnow. The two are experts in monster survival since they live above ground. Eager to get some tips, Joel asks if he can join them for a while. They’re reluctant, since Joel is basically a monster magnet, but figure he can stay with them until they turn north.

Along the way, they meet some big (and well-designed!) monsters, which reinforces just how crazy Joel was for going on this journey. The two eventually grow a liking to Joel and ask him if he wants to come north with them instead, where he’ll be safer. But Joel doesn’t hesitate. He has one goal and one goal only – get to, and be with, his soul mate, Aimee.

Before we get into the delicious details of this film, let’s talk about that title change (since we just had a big article on titles last week). “Monster Problems” to “Love and Monsters.” Which do you think is better? Personally, I don’t think it’s close. Monster Problems is a much better title. It’s both edgier and more fun.

Love and Monsters feels generic and try-hard. As in, “Please like this movie.” My guess on why they changed it cuts deep into the DNA of how studios think. Studios want you to have a good time at their movies. Good times means more money. So their inclination is go with titles that have a positive slant. “Monster Problems” has a negative connotation. “Love and Monsters” is more upbeat and positive. What are you gonna do? Studios are always going to be studioing.

This studioing continues into the very first scene. In the script, Duffield gave you the pieces to the puzzle about what’s happened to the planet and lets you put them together yourself. Paramount lays out exactly how we came to be dominated by monsters with an in-depth narration accompanied by fun animated drawings. Normally I hate this kind of thing as it strips the mystery out of the world before the movie’s even begun. But when it’s done well – the animation is both fun and funny – it can work. And Love and Monsters pulls it off. Actually, it was while watching this opening narration that I knew the movie would be good. You get a feel early on if a film is working or not. The humor and editing and animation all came together nicely so I knew I was in good hands.

Another change they made was to start our movie with a dozen characters living in a bunker as opposed to just Joel. One character works when you’re going for something more indie and edgy. But if you’re working in the studio film space, they’re going to want more characters cause they’re going to want everything to feel bigger. Duffield was able to retain the core element of the hero though – his loneliness. You could argue that this version sold the loneliness even better because nothing’s lonelier than being around a bunch of people that you don’t connect with.

Paramount goes all in with the on-the-nose storytelling when it then gives us a flashback to Joel and Aimee making out in a car right before all of this happened. That’s right. We get a FLASHBACK! Booo, flashbacks evil! Flashbacks are for loser screenwriters who don’t know how to write!

In the original script, not only was there no flashback but Joel and Aimee had never met in the real world. He only knew her from the ham radio in his bunker. This was a big change so why did they make it? I suppose the argument is that if Joel and Aimee met and fell in love beforehand, both the motivation would work better (that he would brave sure death to get to her) and the connection between the characters would be stronger in general. I don’t think this was necessary but it wasn’t a bad thing.

Here’s the little secret I occasionally share with everybody here at Scriptshadow. IF YOU GET THE CHARACTERS RIGHT, YOU DON’T HAVE TO ACE ANY OF THE OTHER SCRIPT TESTS. Joel is a strong character. Aimee is a strong character. Therefore, it would’ve worked either way (them knowing each other beforehand or only meeting on the radio). I guess this version creates a little more of a “connectedness” in the story.

Another reason this movie works so well is that it’s a classic formula. You send a guy out on a journey. That’s it. From there, if you’re smart, you add GSU. Goal – Get to his girlfriend’s bunker. Stakes – True love is on the line! And while the script doesn’t have traditional urgency, urgency can be replaced with a timeline and constant danger. We know it takes 7 days to get to the bunker. And the whole time he’s on this journey, he’s in danger of being killed by monsters.

The whole idea with urgency as a storytelling device is that it creates a sense of forward momentum. We feel like things need to happen NOW. But if you create a scenario where your hero is always being chased by something – whether it be a monster or the cops – the audience is tricked into that same mindset. That we’re “running out of time.” So that’s a trick you can use if you don’t have the perfect ticking time bomb for your movie.

What’s unique about this script-to-screen is that it’s the opposite of what usually goes down. In almost every screenplay development situation, the studio is telling you to cut things down. Less car chases. Less CGI set pieces. Less glitz and glamour. It looks like they told Duffield to do the opposite. More more more. Whatever your big nerdy ideas were for the script when you never thought it would get made, let’s include those! In that sense, it’s an outlier.

But, hey, I gotta give it to everyone involved here. They somehow took this small little quirky idea and made it into this giant movie yet still retained the heart and soul of that script, which was so good. This movie made my weekend!

[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the price of admission
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Here’s one of the most confusing things for aspiring screenwriters. Hollywood movies embrace on-the-nose storytelling. That’s why we get the opening narration here. And that’s why we get the flashbacks with Joel and Aimee. They do this because they want everybody to “get it.” Not just seasoned moviegoers but 12 year-olds too. The irony is YOU DON’T WANT TO WRITE YOUR SCRIPT THIS WAY. You want to write more subtle, like Duffield’s original draft. Your audience for a screenplay does not include 12 year-olds. It’s readers, agents, and producers. So be subtle when you’re writing movies. On the nose will come when your movie gets made.

A few weeks ago I read the Black List rom-com that sold to Sony, Voicemails for Isabelle. It was easily the best rom-com I’ve read in years. The dialogue, in particular, was great. I said in that review that I would leave a voicemail for Leah and, what do you know, she replied! So we got on the phone and talked all things “Isabelle.” Leah was really forthcoming with her answers, which led to a great conversation. A little background here. Leah was an actress first. So you’ll see us referring to her acting throughout the interview. I also wanted a lot of dialogue advice so I asked a bunch of dialogue questions. Enjoy!

CR: The state of rom-coms in the last 15 years has been pretty bad. I think it’s because the genre is so inherently formulaic. How do you, Leah, approach the genre in order to stand out?

LM: I didn’t really know what I was doing and, in a lot of ways, that was my saving grace. Not just in rom-coms but in writing. I have no training in writing. And I agree with you. They’re so formulaic. I’ve seen a lot of rom-coms so I know the structure I have to follow in order for the audience not to get angry with me. But on some level I try to infuse it with some story about humans and sisters – my sister is my life and my love and my biggest supporter.

CR: And the inspiration for the story, I’m assuming.

LM: Yes, so what happened was I moved to LA to become an actress and my sister stayed in New York and I would leave these long voicemails to her late at night hoping to make her laugh. Or detail a terrible date. And in a lot of ways they became these confessional moments for me. The story was born out of that. I don’t know how to “write a rom-com.” All I focused on was telling my story. (for those curious, Leah’s sister is alive and well, so no tears need to be shed today)

CR: You reference a lot of rom-coms in the script so I think you know the genre better than you’re giving yourself credit for.

LM: Maybe! Yeah, I guess I do. I kinda feel it in my bones a little bit. Like I know at a certain point, “She needs to lose the guy here.”

CR: So your writing is instinctual?

LM: Yeah, that’s how I’d put it.

CR: How did you sell the script to Sony?

LM: This is going to be a long answer because it started back when I wrote and produced my first indie film, M.F.A. (a film about a rape at college). Cause I was running around asking everyone “How do you get an indie film financed?” And I would read all these sites and nobody would give me any concrete answers. So I would ask friends, “How do you do this?” And they would say, “Oh, you’ll find people,” And I would say, “But where are the people?” [laughs]

So I bought all the “How to Finance A Film” books and they weren’t very helpful either. None of them gave you a clear path on what you were supposed to do. Finally, I told everybody I knew that I was making a feature film and did they know anyone who’d be interested in investing in it. It was a slow process. Lots of dead ends. Lots of ‘this person leading to this person.’ But little bit by little bit we cobbled it together and shot it for $250,000, which included all the money I had at the time. The film got into South by Southwest and that gave me some legitimacy as a writer.

CR: Wow, you went all in.

LM: [laughs] I went all in in a way I do not recommend. Whenever filmmakers tell me they’re going to max out credit cards to make their film, on some level, I’m like, “Yeah! Do it or die!” On another level I’m like, “Self-care is important. Don’t do what I did.” [laughs] Because I came out of it so destroyed. I mean, in the midst of making that movie I was in so much pain because I was not eating. I was running on adrenaline. I ended up at the urgent care center. Anything that went wrong on the movie I took so personally in a way that you shouldn’t. I just want to say to people that I don’t think you should have to kill yourself for a movie.

CR: Yes, killing is bad.

LM: Right, and from that, I got my first literary agent. As well as my literary manager. And I got sent on the water bottle tour. Which is you go and you meet every single production company who liked your movie. And they’re all like, “What do you want to do next?” And I didn’t understand what I was doing at any of these places. I didn’t understand that I was supposed to be [laughs] pitching things. So I was sitting there thinking it was a friend date. I’m chatting and drinking my free coffee. So I said, “I don’t know what I wanna do next. Something cool I hope.” And I’m like, “Are you going to hire me now? What is happening?” And they all said, “Well, we’ll stay in contact.” And I was like, “Cool, we’ll stay in contact. Whatever that means.” [Carson laughs]

So during that tour, I met a producer named Becky Sanderman and we became really good friends. Becky pitched a TV show to me called, “What The F*ck, Glenn” about a mother dealing with her husband committing suicide. So I wrote that and that got me connected with Becky and Escape Artists, who are on the Sony lot. That led to me writing a father-daughter zombie project. And, for the first time in my life, I had a million voices giving me notes and I didn’t know how to handle it. Cause keep in mind, I was the only voice on M.F.A. I got so frustrated by the process that, in an act of rebellion, I wrote Voicemails for Isabelle. And one day Becky asked me if there was anything else I was working on and I told her about Voicemails and she said, “You are sending that to me as soon as you finish it.” And that’s what led to Sony buying it. I know that’s a long answer but I also know how frustrating it is for writers trying to understand how something gets sold so I wanted to be as detailed as possible.

CR: I’m not surprised it sold. I think you have a really strong voice, particularly your dialogue. Can you tell me your general approach to dialogue?

LM: My acting teacher John Rosenfeld always said, “Your characters are not as emotionally articulate as you.” People are not emotionally articulate most of the time. If you know that a character is heartbroken or sad, that doesn’t always come out as “heartbroken” and “sad.” People will try to play every emotion before they do that. They will get angry. They’ll be mean. They will turn it into a joke. So I very rarely play act a true darkness. We’re always trying to avoid that as humans. So a lot of times in my script where something sad has happened, there’ll be a scene that’s funny. I don’t do a lot of, “She cries and he holds her.” I don’t find that in my own life very often [laughs]. So I don’t write it.

Actors are also trained to observe people. So I’m always watching and listening and if I hear a good line, I write it down and make sure it gets in a script. For example, the other day a friend and I were looking at places to eat and we found this one restaurant that had these delicious looking noodles and he said, “Mmm, my mouth is hard.” I thought that was so funny. So the next time I have two characters in a food situation, they’re not going to say, “Mmm, that looks delicious.” They’re going to say, “Mmm, my mouth is hard.”

CR: That works in a comedy, obviously. But what about when you’re writing M.F.A., which is about a campus rape? How do you keep the dialogue interesting when you can’t depend on humor?

LM: Good question. I try to subvert familiar situations when I can. The scene that everybody brings up in M.F.A. is when the lead character, who’s been raped, goes to a “Feminists on Campus” meeting hoping for support. But when she goes to this gathering, she doesn’t get this outpouring of emotion or comfort. Instead, the girls were like, “Oh my God. Hash Tag Feminsim!” “We should do a bake sale.” “Oh yeah, we should provide a nailpolish where if you stick your finger in a drink it shows you if it’s been drugged.” “Ooh, good idea!” So it goes against what the main character is looking for in the scene and what the audience is expecting from the scene.

CR: What do you think the difference is between good and bad dialogue?

LM: Bad dialogue is often too literal. Too robotic. It has too much information. What is that word called? I have this list of words I always have to check.

CR: Exposition?

LM: Exposition! I’m a writer. I swear. That’s the thing that kills me. When there’s too much exposition. When a writer is doing too much telling and not enough showing. I’m such a big believer in show don’t tell.

CR: What do you mean by that because if you’re showing, you’re not writing dialogue.

LM: For example, if someone is heartbroken, they shouldn’t say, “I’m heartbroken.” If she’s in the room with the guy who broke her heart, you want to focus on how she won’t make eye contact. Or the guy doesn’t make eye contact. That sort of thing. No character who’s in pain should ever have to say that they’re in pain. We should be able to feel that through their actions.

I have this writer friend I’ve been helping and his characters explain everrrryyyyyyyy-thing. I’ve told him you need to cut all of this waaaaaaaay down. What isn’t being said is far more interesting than what is being said. Humans rarely talk about their emotions. They avoid emotions.

CR: Not a lot of writers are blessed with a natural comedic ability but they’re still required, at times, to write comedic scenes. How does one write funny dialogue?

LM: I don’t know. I tend to go with “TMI.” The things that would be so awkward if you said them but you’re still thinking them? Having your character say those things has always been a guide for me. A lot of times my characters are sort of irreverent and say the wrong thing. They very rarely say the right thing. If you could’ve done it over, you would’ve said it better. But there’s so much humor in the person reaching for the right thing and coming up short. There’s this great quote: “Funny people are just really observant.” I think that’s true.

One of my favorite movies is Little Miss Sunshine and my favorite scene is when the main girl says, “Grandpa, am I pretty?” And he says, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my whole life, I’m completely in love with you. And it’s not because you’re intelligent, it’s not because you’re nice, it’s completely because you’re so beautiful.” And I love that so much because it’s a little inappropriate for a grandpa to say to his granddaughter. And you’re not supposed to tell a little girl that her heart and her intelligence do not matter. But it’s so true and so honest that that’s how he handled the question. That is the kind of s*#t I want to write.

CR: My favorite scene in Voicemails was the meet-cute scene between Jill and Tyler. What I noticed about that scene was that the characters rarely said what you expected them to. They always seemed to say the opposite of what they were supposed to say. How did you approach that scene?

LM: I’ve never told this to anybody. When I got to LA as an actress, I started writing things secretly. I didn’t know how to write a screenplay but I understood how to write a scene. So I would write these little scenes. And I had written that meet-cute scene during that time. It wasn’t inspired by anything other than my own life – moving to Hollywood. Trying to navigate the town. Anyway, many years later when I was writing Voicemails, I stumbled across that document with all the old scenes in it and I found that scene and I thought, “Hmm, that’s pretty good!” And I pasted it into Voicemails without changing a whole lot. But that was a real revelation for me because I realized, you might not know how to write a script, per se, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to write or that you don’t have talent as a writer. It’s really validating to hear that that was your favorite scene cause that’s one of the first things I ever wrote.

But yeah, if I analyze why that scene works now, I think it’s because they’re pushing each other, testing each other, and that’s where the fun banter comes from.

CR: Any last dialogue tips you can give us? For that writer out there who never gets complimented on their dialogue?

LM: Hmmm. People don’t generally speak in complete sentences. It’s difficult for people to have complete thoughts in the moment. They stutter. They start making their point only to realize they’ve messed up and double back. They struggle to get to the point. They say very inappropriate things along the way. The big thing for me is the verbal diarrhea character. Their own honesty is a plague for them. If it’s comedy, I’d say honesty is your best friend. The uglier and grosser and more grotesque the answer is, the better. And if it’s a dramatic scene, have your characters struggle with their pain. Struggle to hide the truth. The elephant in the room is the true emotion. But they should play EVERY OTHER emotion before going to that one. It’s so much more interesting to watch a person try not to cry than to watch a person crying.

And if I could give one last piece of advice, I would encourage writers to not wait around for permission. Try to get your own stuff made. And I’m not just talking about getting a film made because I know films are expensive. But I did a 7 episode web series when no one would give me the time of day. I wrote six short films with parts for me as an actress. I always hustled and never waited around. I think that’s the reason for any success I’ve had. You can do the same. You can put two actors in a car with some green screen and shoot it on an iPhone for nothing. What’s your excuse? You can do it!