Genre: WW2/Thriller
Logline: In 1942, the sole survivor of an u-boat-destroyed British arctic convoy is paired with a native Inuit hunter on a months-long journey across the frozen wasteland of Northern Greenland. Before reaching civilization, they must survive the unforgiving conditions, an outside threat lurking in the dark — and the fact that one of them is not the person he says he is.
Why You Should Read: It’s World War 2, and you and your partner are on a patrol in one of the coldest, remotest, most desolate parts of the world — months of travel from the nearest outpost, in the deadly cold of a polar night, with only your 13 dogs for company. — To survive on the ice riddled with deadly traps of open-water “leads”, with white-coated terrors stalking just out of the view of your fading headlamp and the constant threat of a submarine Nazi incursion looming behind the icebergs, every “day” of the endless night you put your life in your partner’s hands — and him in yours. You get to know the other man closer than your own brother or a lover. One night, in your tent… he starts speaking German in his sleep.
Writer: Alexander Bashkirov
Details: 112 pages

It’s finally here! Our Character Piece Showdown winner!

Everything about this review is going to be the same except we’re going to be zoomed in on character. That’s the main thing I’m judging this script on.

By the way, if you want to participate in the next showdown, that would be Horror Showdown and entries need to be in by October 15th. So get writing.

I noticed the spirited battle last weekend but despite the tight race, it seemed like everyone had an opinion on Dog Sled Patrol. That’s typically the mark of a strong script. Even if you don’t like it, you have an opinion on it. So what’s my opinion? Read on to find out!

We’re on the northeast coast of Greenland in 1942. There’s just been some sort of attack. A U-Boat has tried to sink a British ship and the coast is littered with dead soldiers from both sides. One of those soldiers (from which side??) – we’ll call him Jack – survived. But he’s in bad shape. He scavenges what he can then walks into the endless snowy darkness that is Greenland.

Jack barely makes it to an outpost where he meets Ib Poulsen, the Eskimonaes Chief of Police and Captain of the Army of Greenland. After Jack explains that he’s American, Poulsen recommends a two month dogsled journey to a port that American ships routinely visit. Poulsen gives Jack a guide, Ernin, who we’re not told much about other than his eyes look “feral.”

Off the two go and immediately run into problems, such as a polar bear that’s tracking them. Then, one night, Ernin hears Jack speak German in his sleep. He isn’t quite sure what to do with this information. The next day they come across a German weather station, which aids the process of helping German U-boats sink ships. Fortuitously, as they’re scoping the station out from afar, an American bomber appears and destroys the station.

Jack and Ernin head into the wreckage and it’s there that Ernin confronts Jack about his lie. Jack confesses that, yes, he is a Nazi but, you see, he’s a good Nazi. He’d been forced onto a U-boat led by the Hitler of U-Boat captains, an evil entity named Richter. Richter had put the Suicide Squad equivalent of a submarine team together and their reign of terror was so horrifying that Jack literally dove into the ocean and swam away. The story has holes but Ernin trusts him. Okay, he says, they’re still a team.

Soon, they come across a SECOND weather station. But this one is way bigger than the first. And to make matters worse, it’s currently being visited by Jack’s old U-boat!!! Yes, Richter and his team are here! They capture Jack and Ernin and Richter uses them to find the eskimo towns that are aiding the Allies and destroy them.

Jack is able to escape but he and Ernin get split up. Knowing that if Richter and his team get away, they’ll keep setting these weather stations up along the Greenland coast turning the ocean into an Allied graveyard. Jack isn’t leaving until he kills every single member of his old crew, including Richter himself!

The big fear a reader has when picking up character-driven material is that they’re going to be bored. If there isn’t a larger plot engine or juicy concept driving the narrative, it increases the chances that the narrative is going to be slow and, potentially, boring.

So as a “character-first” writer, you have to prove early on that you’re different. You have to assure the reader that while they’re not getting John Wick, they’re still going to be entertained. You achieve this using tools that don’t depend on plot and urgency. Mystery. Suspense. Conflict. And, most important of all, interesting characters.

That’s where I think Alexander made his first mistake.

He initially focused on the wrong guy. Jack.

Instead, we should’ve started with Ernin. We should’ve set up his life, his situation, his personality, who he is, what his flaws are. Then this mysterious person, Jack, should’ve showed up out of nowhere, nearly dead. And here’s why it should’ve been done this way. Because 25 pages in, once Ernin suspects that Jack is German, all I could think to myself was, “So what?”

I know NOTHING about Ernin. And he seems to be the only one in danger from Jack being a Nazi. Yeah, sure, I don’t want Jack to kill Ernin. But I certainly haven’t built up any sort of closeness to Ernin, not enough to care if Jack kills him.

Because another problem I had with Jack is that you don’t gain anything by introducing him after the opening crash. In fact, it hurts the story more than helps it. We have a crash with Germans and British and it’s unclear which one Jack is. So, already, we’re 50% considering he’s German.

This ruins the big hook of the script, Jack sleeptalking in German. We’re not surprised by that because we knew there was a 50% chance it was the case. Wouldn’t it have been better if it was a complete shock? That’s what you would’ve had had we met Jack second.

Even if you didn’t want to do it that way, you could’ve focused a lot more in the early scenes on bringing out Ernin’s personality. I felt nothing towards him because he wasn’t interesting at all. In fact, I felt I knew the Eskimo Police Cheif better, the guy who wasn’t even in the movie anymore.

This is a character piece. Why is one of the main characters so invisible? Why doesn’t he have any presence on the page? In the form of personality, dialogue, action, opinion, or unique attributes? In a character piece, the characters have to stand out.

All of this led to me falling asleep on page 35. Now, to provide context to that statement, I didn’t sleep well last night so I was tired. But it’s never good news when someone falls asleep reading your script.

And here’s the crazy thing about that: after that moment, the script gets way better. Everything changes when Jack gives us the backstory on his Suicide Squad U-boat team. Actually, while I was listening to him talk about them, I thought, “Why aren’t THESE characters in the movie??? These characters sound way more interesting!” So I was more than happy when they showed up in the story a few scenes later.

Unfortunately, this is the problem when your scripts starts weak. It’s hard to get the reader back. And while some of me came back, Dog Sled Patrol couldn’t get all of me. I was so bored by those first 30 pages. And then, on top of that, Ernin was an incredibly weak character. He had zero personality.

If I was Alexander, I would approach this like a buddy cop movie. And I don’t mean you should turn Ernin into Jackie Chan. But I do think you could have more fun with him. You give us this descriptor early on: “feral.” I didn’t get any sense of feralness. My only sense was “plain guy, uninteresting, brings nothing to the table.” Honestly, what does Ernin bring to the table? Instead of saying he’s a black sheep, why can’t you SHOW US why he’s a black sheep. Give him a weird sense of humor. Have him do things normal people wouldn’t do. This character was begging for you to give him something to make him stand out but you left him standing out in the cold instead.

Those are the two reasons this just missed [x] worth the read for me. Boring first act and a weak link in the main character pairing. If you can solve those two issues, this script gets a lot better. Cause once Richter enters the scene, the script finds a whole new energy. Good luck!

Script Link: Dog Sled Patrol

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The Richter payoff comes a littttttlllle too soon. You just told us this dramatic 8 page backstory on the guy who you last saw in the middle of the ocean and now, 10 pages later, there he is, in the exact same five mile square radius of Greenland that you’re on! The heavier the payoff, the more distance you want between it and the setup.

Your nights have been lonely. Your days? A pastiche of whimsical memories fading into each other like snowflakes drifting down to their sad thawed demise. Am I talking about your life since Covid? Nope. I’m talking about your life since Amateur Showdown.

But that changes today because AMATEUR SHOWDOWN IS BACK!

Like an old friend you’ve lost touch with who calls and screams, “I’m in town for one weekend. Let’s get wild!” That’s what Amateur Showdown has done. “Oh, don’t you worry. We’re going to get wild, Amateur Showdown. We’re going to get wild in ways that aren’t allowed on television!” That’s because this Amateur Showdown is the craziest of them all.

Character Piece Showdown.

Uh-huh. You read that right. How much more juicy does it get than introspective character exploration? Not even The Daily Mail will touch this it’s so risque.

I’ve been on the phone all week talking with frustrated advertisers. “Carson,” the CEO of Coca-Cola, Jerod Moss, said to me. “How can I post ads on your site when you’re talking about character flaws, inner conflict, the Hero’s Journey for God’s sake, Carson. The Hero’s Journey! How do I spin that to board members!?”

Believe me, it hasn’t been easy. I nearly canceled. I can’t have this kind of controversy following me around. But unlike Rick, I do stick my neck out. And despite the rabid protests outside my place demanding I not mention “character” and “piece” in the same sentence or I will face consequences, I’m moving forward. And I hope that you move forward with me. Cause I can’t do this alone.

That reminds me. The next Amateur Showdown will be October 16th and it will be a HORROR SHOWDOWN. Yes. We’re going to drape ourselves in the color of blood and indulge our inner freak show, all in time for Halloween. And don’t forget, you can enter SHORT HORROR STORIES as well as Horror scripts. So, if you’re going to enter, send me a title, logline, genre, why we should read your script/story, and a PDF of the story/screenplay to carsonreeves3@gmail.com any time before Thursday, October 15th, 8pm Pacific Time.

Now on to today’s scripts. If you haven’t played Amateur Showdown before, this is how it’s done. I pick five screenplays that were submitted to me and then you, the readers of the site, read as much of each script as possible and vote for your favorite in the comments. The winner will receive a review the following Friday that could result in props from your peers, representation, a spot on one of the big end-of-the-year screenwriting lists, and in rare cases, a SALE!

One last thing. This was one of the harder Showdowns to choose contestants for. A lot of you took the term “character piece” very liberally. The generes for these scripts were all over the map. I had to make some tough decisions on if picks were right for the showdown, but if you didn’t get picked, it was probably because I didn’t consider your entry “character piece” enough.

Anyway, good luck to all!

Title: The Wallace Web
Genre: Drama
Logline: When Eric’s business partner confesses that Eric’s dad has been paying him to ruin their company, Eric enlists the help of his estranged brother to confront their overbearing father.
Why you should read: When I was 18, my first job was the receptionist at a property management company. One of my many responsibilities was to accept contractor bids, log them in, and make sure they went into the correct job basket. One day a contractor handed me his bid proposal and asked that I pull his son’s bid for the same construction job. I politely told him no. He came back the next day with flowers, trying to bribe me to take his son out of the running! Who does that? I lied and told him the bids were already collected. His nice demeanor turned angry in an instant. I always wondered what the story was behind that family. Family and business are always good drama. I’ve had feedback from readers including “best dialogue ever” and another one called it the next “Warrior”. Thanks for reading my submission. I’m grateful for all the comments and suggestions.

Title: Dog Sled Patrol
Genre: Thriller, Period drama
Logline: In 1942, the sole survivor of an u-boat-destroyed British arctic convoy is paired with a native Inuit hunter on a months-long journey across the frozen wasteland of Northern Greenland. Before reaching civilization, they must survive the unforgiving conditions, an outside threat lurking in the dark — and the fact that one of them is not the person he says he is.
Why you should read: It’s World War 2, and you and your partner are on a patrol in one of the coldest, remotest, most desolate parts of the world — months of travel from the nearest outpost, in the deadly cold of a polar night, with only your 13 dogs for company.

To survive on the ice riddled with deadly traps of open-water “leads”, with white-coated terrors stalking just out of the view of your fading headlamp and the constant threat of a submarine Nazi incursion looming behind the icebergs, every “day” of the endless night you put your life in your partner’s hands — and him in yours. You get to know the other man closer than your own brother or a lover. One night, in your tent… he starts speaking German in his sleep.

Title: Few Die Well
Genre: Thriller
Logline: After a homeless veteran murders a banker in self-defence, he impersonates the dead man in an effort to land his dream job and lift himself out of poverty.
Why you should read: I’ve always been fascinated by stories of conmen and imposters, individuals for whom every word is fraught with the risk of discovery. Few Die Well charts the consequences of one penniless outsider’s attempts to claw his way up to the top through an elaborate lie of his own. He enters a world of staggering wealth and savage violence as he finds himself drawn into the orbit of scheming grifters, crooked cops and ambitious politicians. Its inspirations are myriad, the film noirs of the 1940s and 50s, the gritty crime dramas of the 1970s and the recent spate of intelligent thrillers like Nightcrawler and Parasite. In writing this screenplay, I set out to craft a character piece that has GSU at its core, that moved at a rapid pace without sacrificing development and depth. It comes in at a slim 87 pages and it ends with a bang.

Title: Love Sick
Genre: Character Piece / Romance
Logline: A door-to-door saleswoman struggles to keep her new relationship with a young journalist alive when she is forced to medically quarantine.
Why you should read: You may have noticed there was a quarantine going on for a while a few months ago. That’s to say that this script is insanely topical. Probably almost too much so. But maybe, just maybe… it’s also exactly the type of script that needs to be read right now: An introspective look at what it means to be human when the world goes to shit around you.

Title: Fever Dream
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: After being assaulted, a struggling actress with a traumatic past gives a riveting audition, landing the lead role in a film. But the more she delves into the dark mind of the character, the more her dream becomes a nightmare.
Why you should read: Let’s face it, you gotta be pretty crazy to try and have a career in this industry. Most of us spend all our time working for free just in the hopes of one day getting a job that actually pays us. Well, after writing and directing my first feature (which landed a distributor, had a theatrical release, and even sold to Showtime), I actually thought I was on my way. And then… crickets. As far as the industry was concerned, no one f-ing cared. It was back to staring at the blank page all over again, hoping this time things would somehow be different. That’s when I realized how crazy this whole thing is, and when the idea for my new film was born.

Fever Dream is a timely, taut thriller that grabs you by the throat and never lets go. It’s a wild cross between Black Swan and Mulholland Drive that forces you to question how far you’re willing to go to achieve your dream, and at what price, and has an ending that will leave you breathless and wanting to go back and experience it all over again. Thanks for giving it a shot!

The big announcement for the next Amateur Showdown is here. And it comes with a twist!! A true GAME-CHANGER!!!

This is a quick reminder that NEXT THURSDAY by 8pm Pacific Time, your Character Piece Showdown entry needs to be in! If you’re going to enter, send me your title, logline, genre, why we should read your script, and a PDF of the screenplay to carsonreeves3@gmail.com.

But now, it’s time for the announcement you’ve all been waiting for.

The next Amateur Showdown genre.

What will it be? Any ideas?

Here’s a clue. Entries need to be received by Thursday, October 15th, 8pm Pacific Time.

That is right, my friends. It’s happening in the month of October. And that can only mean one thing.

Time for the Official Announcement Cue

**ANNOUNCEMENT** **ANNOUNCEMENT** **ANNOUNCEMENT**

The next Amateur Showdown will be……. Horror Showdown.

I’m assuming all of you are dancing in your living rooms, calling your friends, busting out that Joseph Phelps Insignia 2016 wine you’ve been saving for the perfect occasion. I’m sure the media will go crazy once they get a hold of this info so who knows how many entries we’re going to receive. Is tens of thousands out of the realm of possibility?

BUT WAIT! THERE’S A TWIST!!!

Wait, what Carson? Are you trying to give us a heart attack?? How can you add anything more exciting than this?

Are you ready for the twist?

I don’t think you’re ready.

Maybe I should just cancel the twist.

Just kidding!

TWIST: You can submit either a horror screenplay or A HORROR SHORT STORY.

That’s right.

We can’t ignore reality anymore. Short horror stories are getting bought up for 7 figures routinely. So why not jump on that bandwagon?

I know some of you are going to hate this. I can actually see the hate flowing through the internet into my computer screen right now. It has arrived in the form of the ‘Update Now?’ pop-up alert that only allows me to delay the return of said alert for 1 day. I’m sorry, though. The bus has left the station. It’s too late to stop it.

Here’s why this will be fun. A script is 24,000 words. A short story can be 2000 words. It can be 1000 words. That means anyone here can get something written by the deadline. Which means we should have more competition. And more competition leads to a better winner. Game on, my friends.

Same entry process. Send me your title, logline, genre (horror or horror adjacent), why we should read your script/story, and a PDF of the screenplay/story to carsonreeves3@gmail.com any time before Thursday, October 15th, 8pm Pacific Time.

If you want to know how to write a good short story, I’m sure many of you will have suggestions in the comments for what to read. I’m actually interested in hearing about some good short story destinations myself. If you want to get started, buy any of Stephen King’s short story collections. He’s the best.

Outside of that, have fun.

I think this is going to be a blast. You’ve got two months. Time to get started!

We have a new Amateur Showdown! If you don’t know what Amateur Showdown is, it’s a screenplay tournament where I pick five scripts that were submitted to me and then you, the readers, read as much of each script as you can then vote for your favorite in the comments section. The winner receives a review the following Friday that could result in props from your peers, representation, a spot on one of the big end-of-the-year screenwriting lists, and in rare cases, a SALE!

This upcoming Amateur Showdown will be for CHARACTER PIECES ONLY. That means no action or thriller scripts. We’re talking scripts where the heart of the screenplay is about character development and character exploration. Some recent examples of character pieces would be Joker, Nightcrawler, Marriage Story, A Star is Born, Eighth Grade, The Favourite, Green Book, The Mule, Call Me By Your Name, Ladybird, The Big Sick, Moonlight, and Manchester By the Sea.

Now, obviously, there’s some leniency here since, technically, you can say that Die Hard is a character piece. John McClane is going through some serious marital issues and that’s character exploration, right? Well, you’re welcome to try and cheat the system but I’m going to be choosing scripts where the characters are the focus over the concept.

Amateur Character Piece Showdown will occur on the weekend starting August 21st. Scripts are due by Thursday August 20th by 8pm Pacific Time.

In order to participate, e-mail me at carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Include in the e-mail a pdf of the script, the script title, the genre, a logline, and a pitch to myself and potential readers why you believe your script deserves a shot. It could be long, short, passionate, to-the-point. If you want to submit your Last Great Screenplay Contest script, you are free to do that.

Also, one last suggestion. If you’ve never written a character piece before, you should do so at some point, especially if you struggle with character. I’ve found that writers who are too dependent on concept and plotting become much better writers after they’ve been forced to write a script where the driving force is how interesting the main character is.

So if you think can whip one of those up in 40 days, it might be a fun and educational exercise.

Can’t wait to see what you guys come up with. Good luck!

First off, I want to thank everyone who’s congratulated me both in the comments section and personally. The response has been overwhelming and one of the themes I’ve spotted in the aftermath of my producing announcement is that people respect when you follow your dreams.

It’s easy to accept that comfortable safe route in life. And there’s nothing wrong with it. Especially if you have a family you’re supporting and lots of responsibilities. But I didn’t have that excuse and my life was definitely missing something. After a lot of introspection, I realized that what was missing was doing something I really wanted to do. Even if it scared me. Fear is a strong deterrent but the reality is, fear is where all the fun is. That’s where the best things in life happen, when you do the stuff that scares you. If that inspires any of you to make changes in your own life, great. Even after one week, I can confirm that it’s a lot more exciting on this side of the curtain.

Moving on to today’s showdown, I didn’t get that huge glut of final day submissions I usually do before a showdown. But I did get a lot of contained thriller submissions for The Last Great Screenwriting Contest. So I think what a lot of people did was shift their Contained Thriller script over to the big contest. Which I understand. In a Showdown, you’re not guaranteed I’ll read any of your script, whereas with the contest, you know I’ll read at least the first 10 pages. I’m not sure what this means for future showdowns but we’ll figure it out.

In the meantime, I’m hoping that one of these five scripts is awesome and we’ll have found our first big producible script of the year.

For those new to the site, Amateur Showdown is a bi-weekly tournament where I pick five screenplays that were submitted to me. Then you, the readers of this site, read as much of each script as possible and vote for your favorite in the comments section. The winner will receive a review the following Friday that could result in props from your peers, representation, a spot on one of the big end-of-the-year screenwriting lists, a partnership with yours truly, and in rare cases, a SALE!

In order to participate, e-mail me at carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Include your script title, the genre, a logline, and a pitch to myself and potential readers why you believe your script deserves a shot. It could be long, short, passionate, to-the-point. Whatever you think will convince someone your script is worth opening, make your case. Just like Hollywood, the Scriptshadow readers are a fickle bunch. So be convincing!

Good luck to all the writers this week!

Title: Deathbed
Genre: Contained thriller/horror
Logline: A young nurse must fight for her life when the bed she ordered for a back injury turns out to be haunted by the victims of a serial killer.
Why you should read: When Carson announced the contained thriller/horror AOW I was super stoked. I’ve been a fan of the genre ever since I saw Buried. Coming up with an entertaining feature length script with a single location and minimal cast is arguably the toughest writing challenge of all. Deathbed is my attempt. It takes a big risk in that it attempts to combine two sub-genres: Supernatural with Home Invasion. I hope you enjoy it!

Title: Hunny Pig
Genre: Contained Thriller / Dark Comedy
Logline: A recreational poker player, unemployed, abandoned by his family, and desperate for a big win, is slowly driven to the brink of madness by an unbeatable online nemesis who may be Satan himself.
Why You Should Read: Sometimes we write trying to fix the things that are broken in our lives. Well, on-line poker nearly broke me. The drug I never knew I needed became the thing I couldn’t live without. It took hold of me in ways that cocaine or alcohol never could. With a career in free-fall and cursed with endless free time, I would play long into the night, burning through cash and literally SCREAMING into the cyber-void, unable to cope with my constant losses. The more I lost, the angrier I got. It became so bad, my wife threatened to leave me.

Luckily, salvation came from an unlikely source; the US Justice Department — who shut down legal on-line play in 2011. And although I reclaimed my sanity and patched things up with my wife, I never forgot how that crack in time made me feel: UNLUCKY. WORTHLESS. CURSED.

Years passed, and I thought — why waste all those juicy negative feelings? Turn them into a ultra-low-budget, darkly comic screenplay instead! So I did! I hope you enjoy… HUNNY PIG.

Title: The Album
Genre: Contained thriller
Logline: After being kidnapped by a psychotic music producer, a guitarist and her drummer boyfriend are forced to record an album in chains while they try to escape his studio prison.
Why you should read: We were shooting for Misery meets Green Room. Would love to see what the people here at SS think. It’s a quick read too at 85 pages.

Title: In The Night Garden
Genre: Psychological Horror
Logline: After a pregnant sleepwalker kills her husband and daughter, she is transferred to a mysterious facility for treatment, only to suspect the overseers are after her unborn child.
Why You Should Read: Can a conversation be terrifying? The psychological horror genre has always fascinated me, and for years I tried to pursue it, only to fall back into cheap tropes: jumps, gore, monsters, and haunted-house scares. And while I can’t promise that this screenplay avoids these completely, the core of its horror runs far deeper. The unholy lovechild of Ex Machina and Rosemary’s Baby, In The Night Garden explores motherhood in ways that will shock, disturb, and stay with you long after the final page has turned.

Title: The Fire Tower
Genre: Contained Thriller
Logline: When a family on vacation to a remote fire lookout tower rescues an injured female hitchhiker, they wind up in a battle for their lives.
Why You Should Read: When I was 10, we went on a cross-country camping trip out west. One night we got horribly lost on a winding road, high in the mountains. Out of the darkness a hitchhiker jumped in front of our car asking for a lift. We gave her some water and snacks (but my mom wouldn’t let my dad give her a ride). Later, I was told that a whole family had disappeared without a trace not far from there. That was the seed of the story. But I needed a contained space to trap my family.

Lookout towers have been used in the United States for 100 years. At the peak of their popularity in the ‘40s, the U.S. had about 8,000. Today, there remain about 85 fire lookout towers in the U.S. in extremely remote mountain areas in the National Forests which you can rent for $25-$75 a night.