Okay, everybody should continue to rewrite their script. Once again, we are rewriting 3 pages a day 6 days a week. That equals 18 pages total every week. So far, we’ve rewritten 54 pages. After this week, we will be up to 72 pages.
A big thing you’re going to be doing in rewrites is fleshing out the major technical components of your story. With writing, we’re always integrating things into our scripts that we don’t know much about. We may make a character a neuroscientist even though we’ve never been in a scientific lab in our entire lives. Or maybe our script is set in an airport. And we have no idea what airport employees actually do throughout the day.
It’s fine if your first draft doesn’t go into much detail about this stuff. But if you want to separate yourself from the beginner screenwriters out there, you need to flesh out the parts of your screenplay that contain technical elements that surround your characters’ lives so that they feel realistic.
In the past, this was difficult. Let’s say your character was a lawyer. And you had NO IDEA what lawyers did all day. I certainly don’t know. Go to court, maybe? Scream ‘sustained!’ a few times? That’s the extent of my lawyer knowledge. Even hours of internet research didn’t give you a true feel for what a day on the job is like for a lawyer.
But then AI showed up.
I have not been kind to AI in the past. I still think large language models may be the single greatest scam in history. But that’s a topic for another day. One area where I give AI enormous credit is research. You can ask it about very specific things and it will give you very specific answers.
If you’re writing a movie about Air Force 1 crashing in a jungle, for example, you can ask AI how Air Force 1 operates. You can ask it what goes on inside of the plane. You can ask what the protocol is for the pilots. You can ask about the specifics of how a flight comes together. Here’s a snippet of what Chat GPT spat back at me when I asked what went into an Air Force 1 trip from Washington to Germany…
Pre-Flight Preparations
Advance Team Deployment: Weeks before the trip, an advance team comprising Secret Service agents, military personnel, and White House staff travels to Germany to coordinate logistics, security, and other arrangements.
Flight Planning: The Air Force One crew and White House staff work together to plan the flight route, taking into account weather conditions, airspace restrictions, and international flight protocols.
Security Coordination: The Secret Service collaborates with local security forces in Germany to ensure the President’s safety upon arrival. This includes securing the airport, travel routes, and venues.
Briefings: The President receives briefings on the itinerary, security measures, and any geopolitical considerations related to the trip.
Departure from Washington, D.C.
Motorcade to Joint Base Andrews: The President travels from the White House to Joint Base Andrews in a motorcade. This route is heavily secured by the Secret Service.
Pre-Flight Checks: Upon arrival at Joint Base Andrews, Air Force One undergoes final pre-flight checks. The President, staff, and accompanying personnel board the aircraft.
Takeoff Procedures: After boarding, Air Force One takes off, with air traffic control giving priority clearance. The aircraft is typically escorted by fighter jets, especially when flying over potentially hostile regions.
I’ve actually come up with a few good screenplay ideas about doctors or lawyers over the years and I just throw them away because there is zero way for me to convincingly write a lawyer. Like I just said. I wouldn’t know the first thing a lawyer would do when he got to work. But AI has changed that. I’ll ask it right now. What does a lawyer do all day?
The average day of a lawyer can vary significantly depending on their area of specialization (e.g., corporate, criminal, family, intellectual property law), the size of their firm, and whether they work in private practice, for a corporation, or for the government. However, here’s a general overview of what a typical day might look like for a lawyer in private practice:
Morning
Arrive at the Office: Lawyers usually start their day by arriving at their office around 8:00 or 9:00 AM.
Check Emails and Messages: The first task is often to check and respond to emails and phone messages from clients, colleagues, and other parties.
Plan the Day: Reviewing the day’s agenda, scheduling meetings, court appearances, and deadlines. Prioritizing tasks and managing time effectively is crucial.
Client Meetings: Meeting with clients to discuss ongoing cases, provide legal advice, and gather information. This could involve initial consultations with new clients or updates on existing cases.
Mid-Morning
Case Research and Preparation: Conducting legal research using online databases, libraries, and other resources to find relevant case law, statutes, and legal precedents. Preparing documents such as briefs, motions, and contracts.
Drafting Documents: Writing and reviewing various legal documents, including contracts, pleadings, and correspondence. Ensuring all documents are accurate and meet legal standards.
Court Preparation: For litigators, preparing for court appearances which may include reviewing case files, strategizing with colleagues, and practicing arguments.
Lunchtime
Networking and Business Development: Attending lunch meetings with clients, colleagues, or potential clients. Networking is an essential part of a lawyer’s career development and practice growth.
Afternoon
Court Appearances and Depositions: Attending court for hearings, trials, and motions. This involves presenting arguments, examining witnesses, and negotiating settlements. Conducting depositions where witnesses provide sworn testimony outside of court.
Negotiations: Engaging in negotiations with opposing counsel to settle cases or agree on contract terms.
Client Communication: Providing updates to clients on the status of their cases, discussing new developments, and explaining legal options and strategies.
Late Afternoon
Internal Meetings: Attending meetings with colleagues to discuss case strategies, firm business, or continuing legal education. Collaboration with paralegals, assistants, and other lawyers is often necessary.
Document Review: Reviewing and finalizing documents, ensuring all legal standards are met before filing or sharing with clients and opposing counsel.
Evening
Wrap-Up: Finalizing any urgent tasks, sending last-minute emails, and preparing a to-do list for the following day.
Continuing Legal Education: Engaging in professional development activities such as attending seminars, webinars, or reading up on recent legal developments to stay current in their field.
Leave the Office: Depending on the workload, lawyers may leave the office anywhere from early evening to late at night. Work-life balance varies greatly in the legal profession.
This is a treasure trove of information. Anybody who reads this can now convincingly place their characters in a law firm. And this is just the overview. If you want to get more specific, ask it. What kind of cases do lawyers work on? If they’re knee-deep in a big case, what does the daily workflow look like for that case?
As far as I’m concerned, this levels the playing field. It allows writers to write about things they’ve never experienced in their lives with a certain amount of believability. Can you imagine how much better the She-Hulk series would’ve been if even one of those writers used Chat GPT to learn about lawyers?
Use this tool to fill in those technical details you glazed over in the first draft. For example, if your script is about an FBI agent and when your protagonist went to the office you merely wrote: “INT. FBI OFFICE – JOE RAZOR’S DESK – DAY.” And that was the extent of your Federal Building description? You may want to ask AI for help populating that scene.
Never forget that your job, as a screenwriter, is to pull us into your world so that we forget we’re reading something. A great way to do that is by describing the world your characters exist in, in a detailed informative way. Bring us there. Convince us by telling us those details only an FBI agent would know.
It’s not the flashiest part of screenwriting. But it makes a difference!
Genre: Sci-Fi Adventure (TV show) – Episodes 1 & 2
Premise: Someone is killing the Jedi. A young Jedi dropout who may have a connection to this murderer is asked to help figure out who it is and take them down.
About: The Acolyte was conceived at a time when the Lucasfilm coffers were bursting. Star Wars was on a roll and their endless slate of shows (12 in some form of development or production) was proof of that. But since then, the Star Wars brand has experienced a string of L’s, from low critic scores to weak ratings to a new Star Wars movie canceled almost every week. Kathleen Kennedy, desperate to get more female directors into the Star Wars mix, greenlit Leslye Headlands Star Wars idea despite its innately odd pitch (“Frozen meets Kill Bill”). There were many rumors throughout the three years since the show was announced that it was canceled. However, against all odds, The Acolyte survived. And it just debuted its first two episodes tonight.
Writer: Leslye Headland
Details: about 35 minutes each episode
I’ve recently had a rejuvenation with the Star Wars franchise in the most unexpected way. I learned about younger people who’d never seen the original Star Wars movies before watching them for the first time on Youtube.
What’s so fun about watching their reactions is that a lot of them are dismissive going in, thinking Star Wars is dumb and overrated and looking down on it because it’s such an old movie. Then you watch them TOTALLY CHANGE THEIR MIND within, literally, three minutes. You can see it in their eyes that they’re hooked.
It’s not just validation of the greatness of Star Wars. But it’s further proof that good storytelling is timeless. And the story of Star Wars was TOLD SO WELL.
There has been so much criticism of the franchise in the years since and so many different areas have been pointed to as the reason. But it all comes down if it’s a good story or not. People are pulled in by great stories. They’re bored by bad ones. And I don’t think the storytelling in Star Wars has been good in a long time.
Ahsoka was the first live-action Star Wars product that I didn’t even watch. In history! That’s such a weird feeling for me. That I was so unimpressed by what was being presented that I didn’t even bother to try it.
Which leads us to today.
I’m giving Acolyte a chance because I believe creator Leslye Headland is the best writer any of the Star Wars shows have had. I took notice of her writing all the way back when I reviewed her Bachelorette script. She’s got a strong voice. She’s got a dark voice. She’s a clever storyteller (Russian Doll). So I’m curious if she’s come up with the goods here.
I’m putting all of my Star Wars baggage aside. I have not read any reviews. I haven’t even watched the show yet. I typed all this before I watched it so you couldn’t detect how I felt going in. With that in mind, I’m going to go watch it now. Then I’ll come back with the review!
***Carson watches Acolyte***
It’s 100 years before the prequels in a time known as the High Republic. This was when Jedi Rule was at its peak, diversity a priority, and there was no war. But, apparently, not all is cool with the Jedi themselves, as a Temple dropout named Osha heads to a bar and kills Jedi Master Trinity.
Young Jedis Yord and Jecki arrive on a cargo ship that we see Osha is working on as a mechanic. They immediately arrest her for the murder of Trinity. Strangely, Osha denies any knowledge of the murder, insisting she was on her ship the entire time.
She’s placed on a prison transport back to Coruscant where she’ll be put on a trial but there’s a prison takeover on the ship, leading to a crash on a nearby snowy planet. It’s there where Osha’s past comes back to her. Her twin sister, Mae, supposedly died in a fire many years ago. Could it be Mae who killed Trinity?
Jedi Master Sol, one of the wiser Jedis and Osha’s old master, senses that Mae’s just getting started. So he heads to the crashed ship, grabs Osha, and heads to a planet that has a small Jedi Temple setup. It is there where Mae’s likely next target is. So Sol, Yord, Jecki, and Osha set up a trap to catch her. But they’re too late. Mae kills her Jedi target. Who’s next???
Leslye Headhand may have done something revolutionary here.
What’s been the big problem with Star Wars television?
I know. That list is long.
But what’s been, arguably, the main issue?
I know what I believe to be the answer.
That Star Wars is not a small-screen product. Star Wars needs stakes. It needs urgency. It needs scale. It needs spectacle.
TV is only able to provide these things in small doses. Nowhere was that more obvious than in the “big battle” between Obi-Wan and Vader in the Obi-Wan show. The stakes of that fight were about as high as whether I’d overcook my bacon this morning.
So Headland said: Instead of trying to force Star Wars onto TV, what if we instead create a Star Wars show that leans into what TV does well?
And what does TV do well? TV does investigation well.
The most successful shows ever are about people investigating. How long has SVU been on the air? 78 years?
What this strategic pivot does is it takes our focus away from the fact that all the Star Wars stuff on screen feels smaller and cheaper and lures us in with the question – “Who’s killing Jedi and why?”
Of course, with any investigation plotline, the mysteries have to be well-written enough that they pull us in and make us want to keep watching. And Headland shows us how well she understands the format.
This is apparent almost immediately when Headland fesses up and tells us by the halfway point that the twin sister is doing the killing. A lesser writer would’ve tried to draw that out for 2-3 episodes, maybe even more. But good writers can tell how much leeway the viewer is going to give them on a particular plotline and Headland knew we’d figure that out immediately and want to move on.
So we move on but Headland still poses mysteries that need answers. We still don’t know WHY Mae is killing Jedi. And we definitely want to know who her master is and why HE is ordering this.
For the first time in a while with Star Wars, I was losing myself in the story. Usually, I’m just criticizing how bad it is. Like Obi-Wan hiding Baby Leia in his cloak while escaping the bad guys’ base and nobody notices.
When the Jedis finally corner Mae, my suspension of disbelief was in full suspension! It was that feeling I got with the original Star Wars where everything around you disappears and you’re just absorbed in what’s going on.
A big part of that was the characters. Star Wars became the phenomenon that it is because of its characters. It’s been a long time since they’ve been able to create good ones. I don’t know if I’d say these characters are great. But none of them are bad. I know that sounds like a backhanded compliment but usually, the Star Wars characters I see these days are terrible. So I was shocked that yet another show wasn’t introducing more of them.
I thought for sure I was going to hate the tall young guy with the swayed hair but he ended up being kind of a badass. And I love that little alien girl. There’s something captivating about the actress’s voice. It’s deceptively powerful and you believe her.
Sol is pretty cool too. He’s no Obi-Wan. But he’s got the same energy. He has the gravitas. And Osha is likable. I’m not sure if I love her yet. But I definitely like her. And I like her little pocket-droid, Pip. It’s small details like that that tell me Headland is trying to be different. She’s trying to find things that haven’t been done before in Star Wars.
Like Mae’s fighting. Mae doesn’t use a lightsaber. Her master doesn’t want her using one. He believes in killing Jedi with just your hands. That’s the ultimate kill. And I liked how that confused the other Jedi. They don’t know what to do with her.
Another unique way around common character tropes is Osha’s makeup. Osha gave up her Jedi training. She’s actually a sucky Jedi and hasn’t used the Force in years. That’s a new starting point for a ‘main character Jedi’ that we haven’t seen yet.
We usually see these underdog desert types with big dreams pulled into the Jedi universe. I’ve always wondered if there was a way to move away from that trope and wasn’t sure if there was. That aspect was so ingrained in The Hero’s Journey template and The Hero’s Journey template and Star Wars are one and the same. But lo and behold, Headland has figured out a hack to still create the underdog Jedi character.
I can’t believe I liked this so much that I wasn’t even upset about the lack of white man diversity in the show, lol. You know what alcoholics should do instead of going to AA? They should play the new Acolyte drinking game I just invented called: “Spot the white guy.” I promise you there isn’t a quicker way to get sober. What can you say, the diversity is strong here. We even have our first overweight Jedi!
But kudos to Headland that it never felt overbearing, like diversity was more important than the story. And that’s all I’ve wanted from Star Wars since the originals. Just tell good stories. So far, Headland is doing a bang-up job at that. Now, can she keep that up? That’s another question.
When it comes to writing good TV, the third episode is where the rubber meets the Mos Eisley dirt path. The first two episodes are the easiest because they’re clearest in your mind when you start and they’re the ones you know you have to make great because you have to hook the audience. Episode 3 is usually where things get sloppy cause you only write it AFTER you get your green light.
But so far, I’m happy in this long long LONG time ago galaxy far far away. I will keep reviewing these episodes as long as they’re good. If there’s even one bad one – one Lizzo and Jack Black episode? I’m out like a trout.
[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the stream
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: A lot of feature writers come into television and try to force the film format onto the medium. That’s how we get shows like Raised by Wolves. Instead, do what Headland’s done. Figure out what TV does well and then adapt your ideas to that.
Today’s script has a Scriptshadow connection!
Genre: Action
Premise: When the illegitimate daughter of a Portland billionaire goes missing, her loved ones turn to Juno and Andi, local homesteaders and members of The Foragers–a grassroots network of experts dedicated to finding the lost and bringing them home.
About: This is the highest rated script on the Black List that I haven’t read yet, with 19 votes. It comes from a writer with a Scriptshadow connection! Read on to find out more!
Writer: Sam Boyer
Details: 105 pages
Thurman for Juno?
Today’s writer’s name may sound familiar to you.
That’s because, once upon a time, in a Scriptshadow competition, his script, “Bait,” did quite well, finishing top 5 in my contest. Here’s that logline: “When Leonardo DiCaprio believes he’s finally found the script that will win him an Oscar, he travels in secret to visit the unknown writer. What he finds instead is a serial killer, who keeps him captive with a group of other A-list victims, all tempted by the same script. Will Leo escape and, more importantly, will he get to make the movie?”
For a while, myself and Grey Matter were developing this project with Sam. But it proved too tricky, as it relied heavily on big movie stars. We started to move down to B-list and C-list stars to make a potential production more realistic, but it lost some of its luster after that. There were also some creative suggestions Grey Matter made that I didn’t agree with. Thus is the challenge of development! Still, it was a fun process.
Sam seems to have spent his interim time doing what every smart writer does – GETTING BETTER. His screenplay, Ojek, won the Nicholl! What’s crazy about that is that he entered the competition twice before his winning year with an unaltered version of the script and didn’t even make it past the first round! (a nice rallying cry for everyone who says script contests are no different from lotteries)
Let’s find out what Sam’s follow-up looks like, shall we?
A young woman named Maria Monica Mora goes missing in Portland. Meanwhile, way out in the woods, we meet Andi and Juno, a middle-aged female couple who seem to prefer living in the boonies and not having a care in the world, other than their next nitpicky argument.
But our perception of them changes when four dudes in tactical military gear bash through their front door and Juno and Andi become trained assassins, grabbing weapons from every corner to take the group down. That’s when Bill Squire enters the room, prompting Andi and Juno to put down their weapons.
Bill is well-known. He’s a billionaire. And his daughter (Maria) has gone missing. Now, there are some extenuating circumstances here. He’s an absentee father. So he hasn’t been a part of her life. But he also doesn’t want her to die. And he’s heard about what Andi and Juno do.
What do they do? They’re part of a highly unique network called the “Foragers.” You know how John Wick goes out there to kill people? Well, Foragers go out to find people. They’re the best at it. And Bill needs the best right now. The last time Maria was seen was 48 hours ago in her home city of Portland.
Juno and Andi head into Portland and start with the “missing person’s handbook.” They find the mom. But, shockingly, the mom says to stop looking for her daughter. Her daughter is dead. Before they’re able to figure out why this mom sucks, they’re attacked! By two assassin types.
These assassins, it turns out, are other Foragers. As they continue their search, they run into more and more of these Foragers. It turns out Bill Squire hired all of them because he really wants to find his daughter and has the money to do so.
But the problem is that there’s some secondary Forager war that’s erupted during this case and Juno and Andi don’t know why it’s happening. So now they don’t just have to find Maria. They have to survive Portland’s version of the Avengers turning on each other.
This has to be one of the most original missing persons scripts I’ve ever read.
I’ll be honest. I’m still downloading the totality of it in my head.
But kudos to Sam for coming up with something original. I don’t even know how to categorize it. It’s like John Wick but with a bunch of weird Portlanders doing John Wick impressions.
I suspect that the draw with this script is making two middle-aged women action stars. Cause we never see that. So that’s the centerpiece of the concept.
But there’s this entire mythology built around these Forager people and they’re all trained assassins that live in the most mundane parts of the US. For example, they run into a Forager from Idaho. All these Foragers seem to live out in the boonies.
It actually made the tone tough to follow. One millimeter to the left and this could easily be a comedy. So I was wondering if Sam was embracing that or just trying something so different that it didn’t matter to him where it landed.
The thing I liked best about this script was that the plot kept evolving. The great thing about a missing persons plot is that it’s one of the most dependable story templates out there. If someone’s missing, most viewers are going to be compelled to stick around and see if they’re found. If the writer’s good and gives you likable protagonists and some insight into the missing person so that we feel connected to them, you can write these stories forever and they’ll work.
The downside of the genre is that there are so many of them. So I like when writers move beyond the straight-forward missing person storyline. And we definitely get that here. Once we learn that Foragers are killing other Foragers, we realize that something much bigger is going on.
In fact, we find the missing girl by page 70. Most missing persons stories don’t want to do that because they’re afraid they won’t have any story left. But if you broaden the story and make it even bigger than one missing person, you can easily build a story that lasts another 40 pages.
Another thing I liked here is the unique location. Location is vastly underrated when it comes to telling stories. A lot of writers go with what’s obvious. If they are telling a story in a city, they’ll usually pick NY, LA, or sometimes Chicago.
But when you pick a place like Portland, which is a very unique city, it allows you to use that city to create a different feel to a common setup. I can’t emphasize this enough. Us readers read the same stories over and over again with only slight differences. Writers overrate their ability to be original. Most of them are telling the same story.
So you want to look for any area where you can be different. Forgaers created two huge differences for a common story template. A network of forest-friendly assassins and a city that never ever gets explored in movies. And believe me, Sam takes full advantage of the weirdness of Portland’s makeup. My brother lives there and every time I go there, I feel like I’m stepping into a different country.
Despite this, the script was just a little too weird for me. I’m not sure I ever totally believed in this bizarre network of people-finders. Their too-cool-for-school personas never matched up with their odd way of life.
Despite this, I’m happy for Sam. I knew he had talent from the second I read one of his scripts. I’m not surprised that he’s killing it now. And look, while this may not have been for me, if you got some cool new weird director – the next Daniels – to direct this, I could totally see it working. It’s just hard to imagine on the page.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Look for a character demographic that isn’t known for doing a certain thing and then have them do that thing. 45-55 year old women are not usually trained killers. By making them trained killers, you immediately set your script apart from all the others out there AND you provide two roles that actors in that demographic will fight to get, since the opportunity is so rare.
If you have a pilot script burning a hole in your hard drive, it’s time to submit it! I’m taking entries until June 20th.
In our lead-up to July’s MEGA SHOWDOWN, we’ve got one showdown left. And it’s for the TV writers out there. So start sending in your title, genre, and logline now.
What: Pilot Showdown
I need your: Title, Genre, and Logline
Optional: Crossover Pitch, Tagline
Competition Date: Friday, June 21st
Deadline: Thursday, June 20th, 10pm Pacific Time
Where: Send your submissions to carsonreeves3@gmail.com
===========================================
I was going to use today’s post to bring up another sad box office take this weekend (a legit summer month and the top movie made 13 million bucks – yikes!) but since I already spent the newsletter talking about that, I decided to go in a different direction.
I stumbled upon this video about the upstart water brand, “Liquid Death.” If you haven’t heard of it, it’s water in a can. The crazy name and packaging are specifically designed to shock you so you’ll be curious. That curiosity has led to a 700 million dollar business.
But when you’re asked to come up with the worst idea, you’re more likely to find an original option. That’s how this business was born. What’s a terrible idea for a food product? “What about water in a can?” What’s the worst name we could call that? “Liquid Death.”
Part of the reason this strategy intrigued me was because I remember the Daniels (directors of Everything Everywhere All at Once) once saying that that’s how they come up with movie ideas. They ask, “What’s the dumbest idea we can come up with?” That’s how they came up with a farting-corpse movie. That’s how they came up with Matrix meets an Everything Bagel.
So I leave the table to you. Each of you generate, what you believe, to be the worst movie idea. Call me crazy. But I think one of them might end up being amazing. Please upvote the BEST worst idea.
Let’s see how crappy you can be!
It’s June. The month of passion. The month of heat. The month of Wimbledon! I’ve got another doozy for you guys. This month’s newsletter has the latest big spec sale. It contains the “script sale trifecta,” which you can only learn by reading the newsletter. I muse about Steven Spielberg’s new top-secret UAP project. Could it be the long-rumored sequel to one of his earliest movies? I provide Hollywood with my plan to save the box office. I announce the next showdown. And I only contradict myself a couple of times. Feels like a new record.
If you want access to the Scriptshadow Newsletter, all you have to do is e-mail me and I’ll put you on the list.
E-mail carsonreeves1@gmail.com with the subject line, “NEWSLETTER.”
