Search Results for: F word
Genre: Comedy/Holiday
Premise: After finding his dream girl, a young man heads to her small hometown for Christmas, only to realize that the town has an annual “Purge”-like game where, in order to keep the peace 364 days of the year, anyone who has beef with anyone else takes them on in a fight.
About: Jack Waz has had several scripts make the Black List in recent years. This is from last year’s list. In a Creative Screenwriting interview from 2018, this is what Jack said was the key to getting a manager: “Two things: have a great sample, and a personality to match. Your manager and agent are your partners in your career, and you need to treat them as such. Finding people who believe in you and are willing to put up with years of investment before payoff is key. Be honest, open, direct in what you want.”
Writer: Jack Waz
Details: 91 pages
Well, the weather outside is frightful. But the fire is so…
Okay, I’m totally lying. The weather outside here in Los Angeles is a perfect 70 degrees. I’m wearing shorts and sipping an ice-cold Coca Cola. There’s nothing frightful about my situation at all.
But cut me some slack. I’m trying to get in the Christmas spirit. The Christmas spirit back in my hometown of Chicago could be encapsulated in a single word: MISERY.
The snow this time of year wouldn’t even be white. It would be that dirty snow that would get mixed with the fallen snow, turning into a grayish mixture. Combined with the 300 days a year of gray skies in Chi-Town, it’s a miracle I ever learned how to smile.
But once you pull on that sweater, get cozy beside the fire, and light up the Christmas tree, a lot of that frustration melts. Especially when you put on a good Christmas movie.
Which is what I’m hoping to find in today’s script.
Grab your stockings which, by the way, are hung by the chimney without care (I was in a hurry), load up that Red Ryder BB gun, and let’s shoot some people in the eye while summarizing today’s holiday adventure…
Harrison Powell, who’s in his late 20s, is at a bar during the most annoying event of the year, SantaCon, where everyone dresses like Santa and gets wasted. He’s so disgusted by the actions of these Santas that he storms out of the bar.
But as he’s leaving, he runs into the gorgeous Emily, and when the two meet, they know it’s love at first sight. They spend every waking second together and within months, Harrison is ready to propose. Emily invites him to Christmas at her family’s place and his plan is to win her parents over then ask her to marry him.
They travel to the small secluded town of Summit Valley, voted the most peaceful town in the U.S., and after meeting the family, which includes her dad, Tom, who’s the town mayor, they head out to “The Pagent.”
Except when they get to the Pagent, it’s not a pagent at all! Two townspeople who have beef with each other square up… then start beating each other’s brains out! This is when Harrison learns Summit Valley’s secret. In order to keep the peace, the town allows anyone who has beef with someone else to square off in a brawl in the three days leading up to Christmas.
All of a sudden, Harrison is pitted against the teenage store clerk he got snippy with when they came into town. And after he’s done with her, he has to fight the 70+ year old snow plow driver who hates him for no reason.
As Harrison keeps fighting people, he starts to realize that Tom, who came up with this whole ‘Fistmas’ idea, has been cheating every election! And that his plan is to keep everybody in town angry with each other so they don’t realize he’s a terrible person. But Harrison is finally going to reveal it, even if that means losing Emily.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
A bizarre comedic Christmas premise that kinda works?
Let me give Mr. Waz props for, at the very least, coming up with a Christmas idea that I have never encountered before. Every other Christmas script I’m sent is some version of Red One. Santa is kidnapped and our hero needs to save him.
This is most certainly not that.
But does it work?
I’m not sure. It’s like one of those presents you didn’t ask for, so you don’t care about it when you first open it. But then surprisingly you find yourself playing with it a few days later.
One of my big things with writing comedy is that with your big jokes and your big set pieces, to utilize what’s specific about your concept.
And Fistmas does a good job of that.
This movie is all about these Christmas fights. The first fight, Harrison takes on a teenage girl. The second fight, he takes on an old man. The third fight, he fights inside this active snow globe. All of these scenes were either imaginative or funny or both. That part I liked.
But nothing else really works in the script.
You have this Emily romance that’s thrust on us for most of the movie. Yet, Harrison starts falling for her sister? Maybe if Emily was more of a clear villain, that would work. But we liked her. And the only reason we’re given not to like her is that she lives in this weird town.
Which left us without much to grab onto. I’m not sure what the theme of this movie was. It seems to be that leaders take advantage of violence to control people? But the script is too goofy to sell such a sophisticated theme. Let me reiterate that a grown man fights a teenage girl while everyone stands around and cheers. That’s not the kind of movie you try and push a 12 Days A Slave level theme onto.
It seems to also be about how violence is bad. But if that was the point, it wasn’t set up very well. It’s not like Harrison was in the Peace Corps and Emily used to fight in the UFC. It’s almost like the writer stumbled upon that theme and said, “Oh yeah, I guess this is what I’m writing about,” but then never went back to set it up.
Pro Tip: When you discover important things while writing the later parts of your script, make sure to go back and set those things up in future drafts.
Maybe the most frustrating thing about this script is that I think if you had changed the genre, it could’ve been amazing. If you made this a dark mix between the original Finnish version of Speak No Evil, a dash of Get Out, and then Fight Club? This could’ve been iconic. As a comedy it has its moments. But as a dark thriller, it would’ve been badass.
Finally, I will leave you with the best script line I read this month. Props to Jack Waz for coming up with it: “Season’s beatings, motherf**ker.”
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I hate expected replies to common lines. Here’s an early line and reply.
HARRISON
It’s so great to meet you. Emily’s
told me so much about you.
TOM
All nice things, I hope.
Yaawwwwwwn. I’ve read, “All nice things I hope,” in 600 screenplays.
I could probably even get ChatGPT to create a better response to that line. Actually, I’ll go ask it right now. Give me a second.
Okay, I’m back. Here’s what it gave me for Tom’s response: “It’s nice to hear I made the highlight reel. But you’re here to see the full game, aren’t you?”
Great line? No. Ten times better than “All nice things, I hope?” Definitely.
Dude, if AI is writing better lines than you? You’re not trying hard enough!
One million dollar spec sale!
Genre: Erotic Thriller
Premise: A beautiful trophy wife and her perfect husband attempt to buy a New York City condo but the deal is held up by a rather unusual request from the seller.
About: Million dollar spec sale. Fresh new 2024 Black List script. Over Asking is said to be bringing back the erotic thriller genre that was so popular for that 7 year period in the 90s. Screenwriter Caroline Dries works exclusively in the TV space, and is best known for writing on The Vampire Diaries. She also does a lot of CW comic book TV writing.
Writer: Caroline Dries
Details: 119 pages (!!)
ATJ for Christian?
I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t pushed harder to bring the erotic thriller back. It is one of those genres that’s cheap to produce yet has the potential to make a ton of money. Because it’s so character-driven, you needed movie stars to play one of the leads. So that added a sizable chunk to the budget. But, otherwise, if you could come up with a good concept, create strong sexual chemistry between the leads, and had a clever plot, you’d be counting money.
Caroline seems to have recognized this and come to play, using Indecent Proposal as her template. Let’s see if it worked.
33 year old Margo Pretty is stunningly beautiful. She’s been handed all the breaks in life because she’s won the genetic lottery, including bagging her perfect money manager husband, Christian Pretty. The New York couple seemingly has it all.
But, inside, Margo struggles with self-worth. She wants to be more than a trophy wife but never went about doing anything about it. These days, she’s looking to get into the influencer space but all the companies she interviews with aren’t sure what to do with her. She’s too old to be young and hot yet too young to be the hot mom.
Margo and Christian have their eyes set on a 25 million dollar condo and, after going to take a look at it, meet the seller, a top New York attorney named Gillian Town (50). Gillian says she’ll sell them the condo for just 20 million bucks with one stipulation… that on the first night, Christian stays home and Gillian sleeps with Margo.
Margo is a hard no but Christian really wants that condo so he pitches Margo on going through with it. Margo’s disgusted by her husband but the more she looks into Gillian’s life, the more intrigued she gets, and eventually says she’ll do it.
So Margo shows up at the condo (spoilers coming), chats with Gillian for a while. Then Gillian tells Margo to head to the bedroom. She’ll be there in a second. Margo does. She waits. She waits more. She waits more and more and more. Until, finally, she realizes that Gillian isn’t coming. She falls asleep and the next morning finds a note. It says, “Enjoy the house. Wasn’t feeling it.”
Those words stick like cellophane to Margo. Her whole life she’s been told she’s beautiful and now, for the first time, she’s been rejected. After going back to her life with Christian, she can’t help but think about Gillian’s rejection. So she stalks Gillian online and finally goes to her office to confront her. She forces a kiss on Gillian but Gillian still rejects her.
Meanwhile, Christian gets involved in an insider trading scandal and begins to suspect that Gillian is involved. He also checks Margo’s internet history and sees that she’s been stalking Gillian. As this obsession continues, it becomes clear that Margo isn’t going to stop until she “gets” Gillian. But what Margo doesn’t realize is that she may be a pawn in a bigger game.
So, obviously, we have a gender-swap concept here. This is Indecent Proposal with a woman making the request rather than a man.
Female gender swap concepts became so big 10 years ago that they quickly fizzled out. But I have to admit this one feels fresh. It’s unexpected. And, no doubt, it’s the reason the script sold for so much money. You can see the poster. You can see the trailer. It’s going to work. If they cast it well, it will make a ton of money.
And they should be thrilled that the concept works so well. Because, outside of one banger creative choice, the execution is subpar.
That creative choice is when Gillian doesn’t sleep with Margo. We’re SO SURE that’s going to happen – the whole first part of the movie has been setting it up. So when the writer pulls the rug out from under us and has Gillian change her mind? We’re rattled to the core. We have no idea why she would do that and have to keep reading!
It creates an interesting narrative because it turns the reluctant Margo active. She’s so confused that someone would reject her that she must find out why. She must win Gillian over.
I found all of that to be fun.
But much like the original Indecent Proposal, because the story’s biggest moment happens so early, it’s impossible for the rest of the story to live up to that moment. As a result, every ten pages contains less energy than the previous ten pages.
Caroline tries to fight that off by creating this secondary plotline where Christian engages in insider trading. And that plot does bring more context to Gillian’s indecent proposal. But it’s messy enough that none of those later beats are satisfying.
In fact, for an erotic thriller, there’s very little eroticism. This is due to the plot which focuses more on Gillian’s sinister plan. That plan doesn’t have anything to do with sleeping with Margo. The two only sleep together one time. I guess you could make the argument that all that buildup makes for a great sex scene. But I felt short-changed. Imagine all the people showing up for a sexy thriller and get… a two minute sex scene late in the movie?
Also, the most interesting thing about this story is this beautiful woman being told no and not being able to handle it, going so far as to become obsessed with the woman who rejected her. However, despite me highlighting that obsession, it doesn’t last long enough. Margo becomes obsessed quickly, then a few scenes later confronts Gillian, and then she cools on Gillian for a while. I would’ve liked to explore that aspect of Margo’s character more – her facing the death of her beauty’s influence over others. It’s the most interesting thing about her character.
Elsewhere, the script either makes odd choices or bumbles sound ones. This whole thing where Margo is trying to be an influencer never works. Every influencer starts out by making videos. Why is Margo going to influencer meetings to create her persona before ever making a video? It shows someone completely out of touch with the influencer space. Even so, nothing about the influencer subplot works. It should’ve been ditched.
And then the insider trading storyline is so muddy that it destroys the big final twist built on top of it. Again, you get the sense that the author doesn’t even know how to use PayPal, much less communicate how insider trading works.
Despite that, the script has SOMETHING. It’s entertaining most of the way through. The Gillian denial gives it a turbo boost. And not knowing how the Margo-Gillian relationship is going to play out keeps us curious. So, I do think it’s worth reading. And I support the big sale. You can totally see this being a movie, which should be the end game of writing every script.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Sometimes, when we spend so much time setting something up, we become single-minded regarding the payoff. We pay it off in accordance with the setup. But Caroline shows us that we shouldn’t always be locked into our payoff. There is not only one way to do it. You can flip the script and go in the opposite direction, which is what happens here. Not only was that a strong choice in Over Asking. It saved the script.
This post is reserved for the 2024 Black List
I will post my thoughts on every single entry as soon as the list is posted. It is supposed to be announced at 9am Pacific this morning (Tuesday). However, I expect that Franklin gonna Franklin and draw the list out in some weird inconvenient way. In the meantime, feel free to share your opinions about the fabled list. Will it return to its former glory? Or will it spit out another cadre of second-rate stories? I shall hope for the former!
*****THE LIST HAS BEEN POSTED!****
The 2024 Black List is here. Lest you get confused by the comment section, I put this post up a full 12 hours before the Black List dropped, so a lot of comments discuss what’s to come rather than what already came. Sounds like my last date.
My initial assessment of this year’s loglines is that we are moving back towards entertaining scripts rather than scripts that are so message-driven that they feel like they belong in the Oscars’ international documentary category.
We’ve got a 3 million dollar sale on this year’s list. A 2 million dollar sale. A 1 million dollar sale. We’ve got a script that finished in third place – THIRD PLACE! – on one of the Scriptshadow Amateur Showdowns. We’ve got a script from an amateur writer who got a review here 15 YEARS AGO! Are we excited yet?
Since these posts are a million words long, there will be spelling and grammar mistakes. I will continue to correct them throughout the day. But I wanted to get this up as soon as possible.
Here we go!
One Night Only
60 votes
Travis Braun
Two strangers scramble to find someone to sleep with on the one night of the
year when premarital sex is legal.
SS Breakdown: I’m going to need fact-checkers on this but I believe this is the first time in history that we have a writer with back to back number 1 scripts on the Black List. I liked Braun’s dog POV winner from last year so I’m excited to read this one as well. With that said, the concept doesn’t get me very jazzed. It’s one of those “made up rules” scripts where the writer just makes up a rule and we have to go with it. With that said, that approach made The Purge a hundreds of millions dollar franchise.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Playdate
39 votes
Marie Østerbye
When taking her daughter to a playdate at a new friend’s house, Alice suddenly comes face to face with her childhood bully, Katrine. An evening of seemingly polite dinner conversation and catching up turns into a night of psychological warfare as the two women reveal the scars of the past and the wounds of the present while their two young daughters play mind games
SS Breakdown: This is giving me “Carnage” vibes, a movie that I only recently saw. I like these story setups. Not just for the inherent conflict. But because of the attempts to remain civilized and above the conflict. That battle within the characters to stay chill, even though they’re enraged, creates a lot of subtext in the dialogue. This could be good.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Alignment
38 Votes
Natan Dotan
A low level worker at a cutting edge tech firm is challenged by the company’s previous fallen CEO to find out what a mysterious recently fired AI coder was working on.
SS Breakdown: We’re going to keep it 100 here. The only reason this script made the list is because it was the biggest sale of the year (a detail, by the way, that may not even be true). Everything about this script feels suspicious. It’s not well-written. It’s a ripoff of Margin Call. It feels like AI wrote it in places. Somehow a non-studio had 3 million dollars lying around to buy it. I suppose when your script gets this much exposure, it’s hard not to make the Black List. But I’m not in support of this choice. Lame script.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read (even though I already did)
Love of Your Life
37 Votes
Julia Cox
A young woman meets a man and they fall in love quickly. But then they encounter a devastating setback that will change the direction of both of their lives forever.
SS Breakdown: I already reviewed this one and really liked it. It’s a good example of a script that breaks the rules (of a spec script, at least) yet still comes out on top. The way that almost always happens is that you like the characters, which is exactly the case with Love of Your Life. A couple of unexpected plot developments keep the story exciting. A well-deserved Black List entry.
[x] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
How to Save a Marriage
29 votes
Ross Evans
In hopes of spicing up their marriage, a husband and wife join a mysterious
couples retreat, only to discover it’s a front for a dangerous cult.
SS Breakdown: Even though cult scripts are as common as Hailey Bieber smoothies in West Hollywood these days, I’m still a fan of them. This is the script that Robert Pattinson is lightly attached to (he will probably play the lead). It sold for a million bucks because of his involvement. There’s already a really good version of this script on my Top 25 called The Process. I liked that one so much I met with the writer. Extremely nice guy. We’ll see if “Marriage” can top it.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Don’t Borrow Trouble
28 votes
Caroline Glenn
A broke TaskRabbit in debt to her estranged sugar daddy holds a stolen painting
she’s been tasked to deliver for ransom, leading to a deadly cat-and-mouse chase
across the weirdest corners of New York City.
SS Breakdown: Hmmm. Either a clueless manager came up with this logline or this concept’s got serious problems. In every logline, you want that featured “big thing” that’s the hook (i.e. a script told thorugh the POV of a dog). If, however, you throw in tons of “big things” (taskrabbit, estranged sugar daddy, stolen painting), the reader becomes confused as to what the script is about. That’s what’s happening here with me.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Zaddy
25 votes
Sarah Ramos
Twenty-something fitness instructor Ellie Noone has been toiling away in the LA
rat race for years, until her luck changes when she meets an attractive older man
with a mysterious past that’s as complicated as his skincare routine.
SS Breakdown: I’ve talked about this before. Take a pop culture buzzword, make it your title, and write a script about it. “Zaddy” is a better title than, “Rat Race” for example. The logline, however, is lacking. You always want to end a logline on high. This one ends it on the least interesting thing about the concept (the antagonist’s skin care routine).
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Clean Break
24 votes
Ryan Brennan
Mary, a hair trigger pool hustler, has her hedonistic lifestyle all figured out until
she meets Ray, a fellow pool shark. Will she change her ways and let herself fall in
love? Or just kill him and make a break for it…
SS Breakdown: Dualing pool sharks with a romantic subplot? Not bad. Kinda feels like it should’ve come out in 1977 but to the writer’s credit, I haven’t seen the idea come up since then. The inherent sexual tension could make this one a winner.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Tickle Me Elmo
24 votes
Aaron Karo
The true story of how one toy saved Sesame Street, shocked Wall Street, and
tickled the nation.
SS Breakdown: I will not put this lightly. I haaaaaaaayyyyte these scripts. They seem so obvious to me. They’re basically biopics without the one thing that can save a biopic – an interesting main character. The only way this script works is if it’s weird AF. Like the main character is Elmo existing in an otherwise human world.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Bust
23 votes
Matt Ackles
In 1991, Houston, Texas, millions of women sport the latest fashion trend: breast implants. But when they develop life-threatening side effects, they’ll need a special kind of lawyer to seek justice. This is the incredible true story of a women’s public health crisis, a gunslinging plaintiff lawyer, and the biggest lawsuit in American history.
SS Breakdown: These movies get made. So I’m not surprised this was written. And a breast implant legal scandel is at least more original than another environmental poison legal scandal. These scripts always depend on the lawyer. If that character is a standout, the script’s got a chance. I’m already seeing the concept quality drop and we’re just barely out of the top 10!
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The 7 Guys You Date Before Marriage
22 votes
Julia Yorks
After her ten-year relationship collapses, a newly single woman dives back into the dating pool, navigating seven wildly different romantic entanglements that prepare her for her future husband.
SS Breakdown: Hello the year 2003. Can I have my romantic comedy idea back? Jussssssst kidding. Kinda. I’m a proponent of bringing back the studio rom-com. So I’m here for any new entry in the genre. But this one feels a little too familiar. And a little too dated.
Nasty
22 votes
Isabella Jarosz
After an injury sidelines Dylan’s ability to train for the Olympics, the determined gymnast must regain the trust of her demanding coach while facing off against a prodigious new competitor threatening to eclipse her place in the spotlight.
SS Breakdown: Well this sounds… like the most generic version of a gymnast idea that I’ve ever heard in my life. I suppose the concept has high stakes. But like I said, a logline needs that one standout element. I’m not seeing that here.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Vanished
22 votes
Samuel Franco & Evan Kilgore
Ten years after she disappeared as a teen, Violet, now 25, turns up with no memory of what happened to her, but as her family welcomes her home, it quickly becomes apparent that the past cannot be forgiven or forgotten.
SS Breakdown: These two had a big script that hit the trades ten years ago called Mayday 109. The logline was, “The story of how a young World War 2 Navy commander saved a group of men after their ship was destroyed by the Japanese. That man? John F. Kennedy.” The script didn’t have enough firepower to wow me or anyone else, so the script didn’t get purchased. This logline indicates they’re playing in a more fictional sandbox. Nothing in the logline stands out, though, so I’m not excited. Man, the list has REALLY fallen off from the top 10. We need a script to save us!
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Assembly Required
20 votes
Kevin Yang
During a clandestine overnight stay in the Burbank IKEA, four friends get caught in a firefight between rival criminal organizations, forcing them to figure out how to save each other–and the store they love so much.
SS Breakdown: Yikes! Just months after I posted a review of Horrorstor, we now have ANOTHER Ikea idea. This one is more of a crime script and since I like contained setups like it, I’m willing to give it a chance. Fun title.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Test Drive
20 votes
Matt Venne
A down-on-his-luck car salesman takes a mysterious stranger on a test drive–
which turns into a dangerous and unsettling crime spree across the rain-soaked
streets of Los Angeles.
SS Breakdown: One of my favorite movies ever is Training Day and this concept has Training Day vibes to it. I would’ve liked to know more about the stranger in the logline. Calling him mysterious is the equivalent of telling me nothing. But I’ll still check this out.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Bloody Mingo
19 votes
Jonathan Easley
Investigating the crime scene of a potential homicide in the Appalachian mountainside, a deputy encounters a strange mountain community that claims to be haunted by an evil witch that lives in the woods.
SS Breakdown: These ideas are my jam. Put me in the middle of nowhere with something dangerous lurking. It’s giving me The Ritual vibes, a movie I loved. Count me in.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The 13th Hour
18 votes
Anna Klassen
When a group of teenagers repair an old clock with a mysterious 13th numeral,
they are granted an extra hour where their actions have no consequence.
SS Breakdown: This is the most clever concept on the list so far. Sure, it’s a little mainstream. But it hasn’t been done before, so that negates its mainstreamness. Excecution will be key here but I really want to read this one.
[x] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Bo Knows Infinity
18 votes
Adam Best
Bo Jackson gets stuck in a time loop. Lessons are learned.
SS Breakdown: We officially have our most random concept of the 2024 Black List. But there is precendent for these ideas to get on the list. We had that wild Dennis Rodman script from a couple of years ago. We have time loop tennis script, Court 17. But a script about Bo Jackson? That’s obscure.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Decoys
18 votes
Jack Waz
When two cocky self-proclaimed CIA badasses learn they’re being used as diversions, they must prove to themselves and the world that they’re capable of being real heroes.
SS Breakdown: Not a terrible idea. A 2024 version of The Other Guys, which was a good movie. But I’m not going to get my expectations up for Decoys. Jack Waz was responsible for one of my most anticipated scripts in 2023, Baby Boom, about gender party reveals, and totally botched the execution. So I’ll go into this one better prepared.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Diana Destroys a Wedding
18 votes
Elizabeth Evans
When her youngest son proposes to a middle-class farmer, New York business icon Diana Ivy incentivizes her dysfunctional children to protect the family name the only way she knows how… by creating a competition: whoever can break up the couple during their luxurious seven-day destination wedding will inherit the Ivys’ Lake Como estate.
SS Breakdown: I will say this. Based on these last few loglines, the Black List seems to be focused more on fun again. Just entertain people. As far as Diana Destroys a Wedding, these concepts are deceptively hard to pull off. War of the Roses seemed like a slam dunk when it was made. But people were put off by the cruelty. This could land in that same bucket. So hopefully all the destroying is fun somehow.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Over Asking
17 votes
Caroline Dries
After a chance encounter with a powerful female litigator, a seemingly perfect couple begin to ask questions about marriage, power, gender, and sex.
SS Breakdown: This logline was DEFINITELY written by someone who’s never written a logline in their life. HOWEVER, the weak logline may also be by design. This is one of the big million dollar specs of 2024. There was a six-studio bidding war. They may be trying to keep the plot under wraps. Word is this harkens back to those 90s romance-thrillers that Michael Douglas always used to star in.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Skin
17 votes
Matisse Haddad
When famed Beverly Hills dermatologist Amelia Williams’ status begins to slip as she ages, she makes a revolutionary discovery that allows her to completely revitalize her appearance and maintain her lifestyle. It just requires a bit of murder every now & then.
SS Breakdown: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I’m still scarred by The Substance! Now I have to watch another one of these????
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
American Monsters
16 votes
Chris Grillot
A senator and his estranged son must fight to survive when they’re stranded at a hunting ranch where mythical beasts from global folklore are genetically engineered as dangerous game.
SS Breakdown: Chris Grillot was on the list a couple of years ago with a tooth fairy script. It was better than I expected it to be but still not great. With his newest entry, we’re talking HIGH HIGH concept, which gives this one a chance at getting produced.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The Busboy
16 votes
Elad Ziv
After a mysterious busboy manipulates his way into a job at the most exclusive nightclub in South Beach, he quickly rises through the ranks using ruthless tactics
SS Breakdown: Elad, who wrote tennis loop script Court 17, is back. I know he used to run around the Miami club scene so he’s wisely writing about what he knows.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Fragments
16 Votes
Jake Moses
After a tragic accident, a young nurse finds herself blacklisted and out of work until she’s approached by a detective with a unique job offer–become the caretaker for a murder suspect who may be faking his Alzheimer’s diagnosis
SS Breakdown: This one has some history on the site as it was in an Amateur Showdown. But it got slaughtered by none other than E.C. Henry and his 80s throwback premise, Bubblehead Saves The Day. Does this mean it’s inevitable that E.C. will make a Black List? If so we’d, for sure, lose Jaco, who, no doubt, would fall victim to an immediate heart attack. I’ve also given notes on this script and can’t wait to review it!
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Tony
16 votes
Lou Howe & Todd Bartels
In 1975, a wayward young Anthony Bourdain stumbles into a summer dishwashing job in Provincetown and discovers his life’s calling.
SS Breakdown: I’m not a huge Anothny Bourdain fan but I cocede he would be a good movie character. He’s got that rock’n’roll unpredictable quality that makes him fun to watch. It’s a biopic, which immediately dings it 6000 points. And that means it will be one of the last Black List scripts I read if I get that far. But when it comes to biopics, this is as much as I can personally hope for.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Fellowship
15 votes
Cassie Keet
A burgeoning artist is offered a once in a lifetime fellowship, luring her into the dark side of New York’s elite art world.
SS Breakdown: I like movies about the art world. And I like these “mentorship” stories where some innocent person is pulled into a dangerous world. The idea is inherent with conflict. Have you heard that before? That conflict word? Yeah, I’m saying it a lot. BECAUSE IT’S SUPER-IMPORTANT TO INFUSE YOUR SCRIPT WITH IT IF YOU WANT TO BECOME A GOOD SCREENWRITER.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Shutout
15 votes
Alejandro Adams
A talented young pool player from the Bronx navigates the male-dominated world
of pool hustling, guided by a seasoned gambler, as she rises to international fame
and grapples with the moral complexities of the game.
SS Breakdown: Good lord. The pairing phenomenon is back! It never fails to amaze me that this happens. Unique subject matter on the Black List. Then, suspiciously, there’s a second script covering the exact same subject matter. Who knows what’s going on here? Maybe it’s just that we’re in the Matrix.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Stardust Queen
15 votes
Joe Ferran
A prodigiously gifted young assassin attempts to escape the rule of her vicious
step-mother and ascend to fame as a late-90’s pop star.
SS Breakdown: I like characters that have a sharp contast to them. What’s more contrasting than a pop star assassin? Pop music isn’t my favorite subject matter but I did think Smile 2 was pretty good so I’ll check this one out.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Timeshare
15 votes
Mark Townend
In the not-too-distant future, where a new technology allows an individual to project their psyche into the body of another, thus creating a body-sharing gig economy, a financially-struggling married couple accepts a wealthy man’s proposal to use the wife’s body for a single night, but soon that decision causes their relationship and lives to spiral out of control with fatal consequences.
SS Breakdown: I’ve been coming across ideas like this for 20 years. This one does not separate itself in any strong way. I’m not even sure what’s going on (what does projecting your psyche into someone else mean exactly??). These scripts are dependent on a clear set of rules so we always know what’s going on and then a 100% effort on the execution. You get lazy even a little bit with these ideas and your script will fall apart faster than a 3am Chicago hot dog.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Toluca Lake
15 votes
Mark Fleming
When Gavin discovers the girl of his dreams is actually a persistent hallucination caused by a rapidly growing brain tumor, he’s forced to question what’s real, what really matters, and what’s the best way to end things with someone that’s slowly–or not-so-slowly–killing him.
SS Breakdown: The brain tumor element is a little depressing. But falling in love with someone who isn’t real has potential. Mark Fleming is a writer who had a script appear on Scriptshadow – get this – FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. That script was called The Disappearing World and received a “worth the read.”
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
AIDa
14 votes
Alexis Jacknow
A new mother finds the perfect nanny in AI, only to learn that a “perfect” caregiver might be the most dangerous kind of all. This psychological thriller examines the disparity between human nature versus AI nurture and asks the question, could AI ever replace us as parents?
SS Breakdown: When it comes to AI ideas, this is pretty run-of-the-mill. I was thinking we’d get something with way more imagination. But the script isn’t over yet! Maybe one of those is coming…
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Turnaround
14 votes
Elyse Hollander
After beloved movie star Tom Adair is found dead, the outpouring of grief and sympathy quickly elevates his best friend Alec Donavan to movie star status. Now Alec must contend with his newfound fame and success–and the fact that he and his agent/girlfriend Karynn Pieper secretly murdered Tom and are haunted by his vengeful ghost.
SS Breakdown: Hollander knocked it out of the park with Madonna biopic, Blonde Ambition, my favorite biopic that I’ve ever read. But the very warts-and-all approach Hollander took to the script is what’s kept it from being made. Madonna has made sure of that. Hollander wrote another script that made the Black List several years ago that was okay. I’m willing to check this one out based on Blonde Amibtion alone.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Crush
13 Votes
Michael Jones
Waking up in a mysterious room, Emily faces a chilling ultimatum: she must decide which of three strangers to sacrifice before her ceiling descends,
crushing her.
SS Breakdown: What I like about this one is that it’s “spec-y.” It’s a high concept contained premise that will move fast. That always gets you points in my book. However, I like as little writer manipulation in the premise as possible. This one feels a bit forced. Whenever someone has to sacrifice someone for no other reason than the script needs it to happen, I don’t like that. But the concept does make me curious.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Detour
13 votes
Will Widger
When a feuding rap group’s tour bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere, three hip hop superstars find themselves locked in a life-or-death struggle to survive the night as they are hunted by a group of locals with a hidden agenda.
SS Breakdown: I don’t hate it! You’re putting characters who are already inside a conflict-heavy situation into even more conflct. I like setups like that. And we don’t usually see rap stars in this situation. Execution dependent but this could be good!
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Good For Us
13 votes
Alix Lerner
After surviving a terrifying home invasion with her two young children, a woman
leans on her husband for support, but soon suspects that it was not a random incident and that her husband might have somehow been involved.
SS Breakdown: I like ideas like this. You come back from a traumatic experience only to learn that the experience may have been closer to home than you realized. This has potential.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Howl
13 votes
Madison Vanderberg
All hell breaks loose when a famous–but notoriously troubled–actor announces on a talk show that in less than an hour, he’ll turn into a werewolf…all on live TV.
SS Breakdown: This is giving me Late Night With The Devil vibes, a movie that totally surprised me! But the fact that I can’t tell if this is a serious concept or a comedy concept worries me. If the script is good, I feel like the genre would be naturally clear from the concept.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
King of the Freshman
13 votes
Matt Bailey
During the glittering ascent of Abercrombie & Fitch, a bold CEO and his enigmatic British partner craft an empire of desire, exclusivity, and allure–only to see their legacy unravel as a scandal of exploitation and power threatens to expose the dangerous lengths they went to in their pursuit of perfection.
SS Breakdown: Another business true-story script. Not interested. But that Ambercrombie & Fitch store was always a little weird, what with those books with a bunch of young shirtless boys playing Rugby. Wasn’t there a time when the teenage male greeters at that store were shirtless? Bizarre!
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Motherboy
13 votes
Tess Brewer
When a woman becomes trapped in a snowstorm with her overbearing mother-in-law and husband over the Thanksgiving holiday, she begins to suspect that their relationship is not as maternal as it seems. BARBARIAN by way of an erotic, Hallmark holiday movie.
SS Breakdown. The logline is okay. But I have to admit that “BARBARIAN by way of an erotic, Hallmark holiday movie” may be the one-sentence pitch of the year. I’m not even sure what the writer means by that but I wanna know!
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Old Souls
13 votes
Hannah Stoddard & Jenny Ulmer
A trio of sassy, elderly women receive a unique offer from Death for a week of youth in exchange for their lives.
SS Breakdown: Calling Lily Tomlin. Calling Jane Fonda. Calling Betty White. Or the AI version of Betty White. In all seriousness, these ideas are always fun. All I ask of the writer is that they don’t phone in the execution. Dig hard to write strong memorable characters and dig hard to write big funny set pieces.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Paparazzo
13 votes
Christian Nilsson
Desperate for fast cash to help his ailing mother, an opportunistic outcast partners with a wily paparazzo who entangles them in a homicide involving young celebutantes.
SS Breakdown: Something about this idea feels dated. I’m just not feeling it.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Road Test
13 votes
Kris Bertin & Naben Ruthnum
A young woman long overdue in getting her driver’s license finally takes her road test, only to find herself receiving direction from a psychotic instructor who wants her dead.
SS Breakdown: Hmmmmm. So the instructor is right next to her and wants her dead? Why not just… kill our hero then? What’s the point of running her through a driving test? Especially if, in trying to cause an accident, he dies too? I’m confused by this logline.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Bato Bato
12 votes
Donn Kennedy
When his family is murdered and his child kidnapped, a Neanderthal goes on an epic rampage journey to save her from the new dominant species.
SS Breakdown: Did the Black List just take a left turn into an alternate universe?? What is going on right now?? Is this set in the past? In the present? Is it a comedy? Is it a thriller? There may be something to a story where a Neanderthal battles with a human. But this logline is not doing that idea any justice.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Mommy’s Home
12 votes
James Morosini
A young dad revives his 24-year-old cryogenically frozen mom, unleashing terror and forbidden tension that haunt his family and threaten to unravel his marriage.
SS Breakdown: I’m guessing this is a comedy premise. To that end, it feels dated. Cryogenically frozen people concepts were big 20 years ago. But I’m game for a new take as long as it’s clever. I’m not sure there’s anything clever about this. If anything, it creates more questions than answers. Why was the mom cryogenically frozen? And at the age of 24 no less. There may be some comedy in that a mom, who’s younger than you, is now bossing you around. But the joke feels peripheral. I’m not connecting with this.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Out There
12 votes
Kate Folk
Fresh off a breakup, Meg is thrilled to meet Roger, who seems like the perfect man: disarmingly handsome, sweet, and obsessed with her. But she’ll soon discover that a disturbing secret lies behind Roger’s perfection, and will have to decide how far she’s willing to go on behalf of true love–even if the person she loves happens to be fake. Based on the short stories “Out There” and “Big Sur” by Kate Folk.
SS Breakdown: A story about a woman who meets a perfect man who may not actually be perfect. Hmmm, where have I heard that idea before? Oh yeah, EVERYWHERE!!!! Unless this writer has an extremely unique voice, this script is going to be really boring.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Rot
12 Votes
Geo Bradley
Haunted by the death of his hoarder mother, an antisocial man suffering from obsessive compulsions takes work as a trauma cleaner in hopes of facing his past, but the job soon begins to infest and unravel his mental state.
SS Breakdown: I like this one. I like any character study that feels unique and this definitely feels unique. I don’t know what a trauma cleaner is so I’m interested to find out. You’ve got this unique backstory with not just the death of a mother, but death of a mother with a specific disorder. I like the title too. Could be depressing but it feels like something an A-List actor would sign onto to try and win an Oscar.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The Teller
12 votes
Ben Ripley
A timid, overlooked bank teller with incredible sleight-of-hand dexterity teams up with a rogue FBI agent to rob her own bank.
SS Breakdown: I am all about the writer of my favorite spec script of all time, Source Code. Ben Ripley is back which means I’m checking out his script. But man oh man is this logline weak. Ben needs to hire me for a logline consultation! As do half the people who made this list! These loglines are selling your script short!
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Trapped
12 votes
Jill Blankenship
A woman trapped in a tight cave shaft must fight to escape when the shaft starts
unexpectedly filling up with water.
SS Breakdown: Another too-simple premise. But at least the script’s got GSU. I like trapped premises so I’ll check this out.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Turpentine
12 votes
Justin Varava
When a deadbeat son hires his friends to rob his own mother and father in order to pay an outstanding debt to a local drug dealer, things don’t go as planned, and family bonds are stretched to their furthest extremes.
SS Breakdown: They already made this movie. It’s called Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead. And it’s a great movie too which approaches the execution in a unique time-jumping way. Hard to imagine this is going to top it. I like the title though.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The Wrong Side of the Rainbow
12 votes
Dan Woodward
Inspired by the disastrous making of THE WIZARD OF OZ, Maggie Hamilton fights to keep her role as the Wicked Witch, while resisting the forces stifling Judy Garland’s childhood.
SS Breakdown: While we all know I’m not a fan of these types of script, I am fascinated by the production of The Wizard of Oz, one of the weirdest movies ever made. I would watch this if it came out on a free streaming service.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Boy Girl Fig
11 votes
Kayla Sun
Aden was born with a rare condition where he becomes invisible to those who love him. He struggles when he falls in love with his childhood best friend.
SS Breakdown: Very high concept. But can the premise work? I imagine him being invisible while talking to his childhood best friend. I imagine the best friend not seeing him because he’s invisible. And then I imagine the movie being over. So, what’s the story? Not a good title either.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Is This You
11 votes
Kaitlin Fontana
Maura and her mother Jeanne have always had a tricky relationship. But when Jeanne starts publishing essays about her troubled daughter’s teenage years, those versions of her appear like hormone-fueled poltergeists hell-bent on ruining the real Maura’s tenuous adult stability.
SS Breakdown: Man, some of these low-vote entries are really bad. This sounds like a subplot in a soap opera. It does not feel big enough to be a movie. I’ve said this before: If your concept could be a subplot in another film, it’s not big enough.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Little Black Dress
11 votes
Alyson Weaver Nicholas
While on hiatus from filming “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” international movie star Audrey Hepburn is recruited by the CIA to hunt down a Nazi criminal hiding in Buenos Aires with ties to her past.
SS Breakdown: Not a terrible idea. There is history of actors being recruited into the CIA. It’ll be interesting to see if this is a more traditional execution of the idea or if they’re going to go full camp.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Mom?
11 votes
Marc Bloom
When a deadly virus infects mothers and turns them against their offspring, a father must do whatever it takes to protect his daughter from her mom.
SS Breakdown: Another high concept idea here. With every high concept idea, people are either going to go out on that limb with you or not. So this script will depend on whether people buy that a virus can only infect mothers and turn them against their offspring. Cause that’s highly specific. But I will always give big ideas a chance. Better than “Is This You” ideas.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Saturn Return
11 votes
Gaylan Golde
Eve and Anders dated for a decade. Now, Eve is going to see Anders for the first time in years… at his dad’s funeral. Together, they confront their shared past and the infinite nature of love, even after it dies.
SS Breakdown: Tiny ideas like this are so execution-dependent that they’re impossible to judge as a logline. But the problem with ideas this small is that it’s hard to get people to read them. If the script turns out to be good, you have to wonder how many more votes it would’ve gotten if it actually had a premise behind it.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Spin The Bottle
11 votes
Jeff Feuerstein
Convinced her disastrous dating life stems from breaking the rules of Spin the Bottle two decades ago, Hallie enlists her former crush to track down–and finally kiss–the boy she rejected that night, hoping to lift the curse and find true love.
SS Breakdown: You know, this is a really cute logline. It’s simple but still unique. And it’s a fun way into what, I assume, will be a romantic comedy. This could be a winner.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Twin Soul
11 votes
Dani Feito
When a psychiatrist and his sickly wife travel to their country cabin for a quiet Thanksgiving weekend, they will have to deal with an unexpected visit from one of his patients, who claims his dead twin brother is after him for revenge. It will quickly become clear things aren’t what they seem.
SS Breakdown: I’m a fan of these plot setups. I like when people are off in some cabin alone and then other people show up. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. I like the conflict. I like the mystery. A big reason why I liked Leave The World Behind so much.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Vicky
Allesandra Clark
The incredible true story of Victoria Woodhull’s improbable run to become the
first female President of the United States, 50 years before women even had the
right to vote.
SS Breakdown: This is actually a decent idea for a biopic. The fact that nobody’s heard of this woman AND that she was running for president before women could vote is pretty ironic. And concepts ALWAYS get a boost from me when there’s irony present.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
A Band of Wolves
10 Votes
Reynaldo Leal
After a rival tribe’s raid, an ancient woman must befriend a wolf to survive the brutal wilderness.
SS Breakdown: This one has potential. I love visceral stories that take place a long time ago mainly due to the irony. Usually, when we think of hundreds or thousands of years ago, we think “boring.” But this one looks like it’s going to be packed with conflict. If it’s got urgency (if the rival tribe is tracking her), that’d be even better.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Bridgehampton
10 votes
Jeremey Leder
Recently dumped Ezra Green accidentally brings a terminally ill woman home to Bridgehampton for a long weekend with his eccentric family. Don’t judge–he needs to cope with his estranged father who just got out of white-collar prison.
SS Breakdown: The old “wacky family” subgenre, complete with a terminally dying subplot? But where’s the meat? Where’s the plot? It’s not terrible but it’s one of those ideas where all the elements seem to be swimming around the center instead of *being* the center.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Camp David
10 votes
Megan Amram & Joseph Carnegie
In 1981, a young George W. Bush and his siblings are hunted by a masked killer while partying at Camp David.
SS Breakdown: This is a good sign. Cause when I glanced at this logline, I saw Bush and I thought, “Uh oh. A political script.” But then, upon reading the entire logline, I realized that it was a writer having fun with the famous presidential hideaway. So much better than what we were getting 2 years ago, where this would’ve had some super serious angle.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Intimacy
10 votes
Sam Rubinek
A rising movie star and her struggling playwright husband meet with a pretentious director and a manipulative intimacy coordinator to rehearse a sex scene. Over one chaotic day, power struggles, petty jealousies, and explosive accusations threaten their marriage–and the careers of everyone involved.
SS Breakdown: I feel like I’ve already read this script. There was, at least, a very similar premise that hit the town recently. Anyway, it’s not a bad idea. The whole intimacy coordinator world is quite nuanced and has the potential for danger and conflict within.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Onboarding
10 votes
Jackson Kellard
When a group of new hires get invited to their company’s corporate retreat, things
quickly take a turn as they discover the only way to land the job is to survive the
weekend. Literally.
SS Breakdown: Another somewhat familiar premise. Maybe a little too much so this time. I feel like I’ve read this script already in several forms. Not a bad idea though.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Ride or Die
10 votes
Alexander Vargas
A debt-ridden Peloton instructor finds his entire class held hostage by a bomber during one of his live-in-studio classes.
SS Breakdown: I’ve actually given notes on this script. Alex really got the GSU DOWN. And he’s been so dedicated to getting better. Good for him. It’s also a reminder that notes from Carson DO HELP. So make sure to get a consultation with me on your latest screenplay. Don’t you want to make the Black List??
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
The Road to Cold Valley
10 votes
Arun Croll
In search of a lost family heirloom, a graduate student and his friends take a road trip to the ruins of the remote Japanese American internment camp where his ancestors were incarcerated during World War II. But after a car breakdown and a series of misunderstandings, the group must fight for their lives as they are stalked across the desert at night by an unhinged, racist mechanic.
SS Breakdown: Another Scriptshadow vet. Arun Croll finished Top 5 in The Last Great Screenwriting Contest. This is his second script on the Black List. And it sounds good! A good old “Deliverance” type narrative.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Three Hit Men And a Baby
10 votes
David Matalon & Matthew Altman
Three of the world’s top hitmen must take on their most challenging assignment yet–babysitting an infant who holds the key to their survival.
SS Breakdown: I’m not the biggest fan of taking a famous title and changing it in a way that dicatates your entire narrative. It feels too limiting. I would rather you just find a great idea and come up with a title after the fact. I’m just not the audience for this type of script. Unless it’s hilarious, of course.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Tipsy
10 votes
Barry Galperin & Memo Noriega
A young couple, feeling the pressures of adulthood, is thrown into a supernatural drinking game that tests their commitment, relationship, and more.
SS Breakdown: A what now? Supernatural drinking game?? I’m going to need more information. To the writers’ credit, though, the concept is weird and unique. It’s hard to come up with fresh ideas so props to them.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
True* Mermaid Story
10 votes
Matthew Carnahan
A struggling screenwriter’s life spirals into chaos when he becomes obsessed with telling the true* story of a mermaid’s life and death.
SS Breakdown: I don’t know if I’m getting it. For starters, screenwriters are boring. You shouldn’t build your story around one if possible. And he has to decide whether to tell this mermaid’s story correctly? I’m going to place this one in the Alternat Universe Black List pile. I just don’t understand it.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Until You
10 votes
Cameron Fay
When a chance encounter thrusts two perpetually single best friends into each other’s lives, they navigate the blurry lines between friendship and love.
SS Breakdown: Scraping the bottle of the barrel here with some of these loglines. So two single people get together and maybe they fall in love? That’s a… story? A story that needs to be turned into a movie?? I don’t know about that.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Bittersweet Symphony
9 votes
Matthew Kic & Mike Sorce
In the last days of the Britpop era, enigmatic musician Richard Ashcroft’s quest to transform an obscure Rolling Stones cover into the iconic single “Bitter Sweet Symphony” sparks a legal battle that threatens to both destroy his band The Verve and silence the song forever.
SS Breakdown: This just sounds so incredibly boring I can’t muster the strength to write anything more about it.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Dyersville
9 votes
Will Hettinger
Two Federal Marshals guarding the most important cooperating witness in Chicago’s history– a legendary gangster–are forced to reckon with their own complicated pasts and with the first mole in the history of the Witness Protection Program. Inspired by true events
SS Breakdown: A Netflix movie. It doesn’t sound terrible. A good concept in this one. The word “first” is valuable in concepts. If this were the 2nd ever mole. Or the 5th? It’s not a movie. Making it the first ever makes everything feel bigger.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Dog
9 votes
Lucy Campbell
Lukas and Sofia’s new life in a small town is shattered when they return home one night to find their dog gruesomely killed–was it a wild animal, a neighbour or a sinister, supernatural force from the valley? Desperate for the truth, Lukas embarks on a witch hunt after evidence points to a young local boy–but as they are plagued by further unexplained, malevolent events, the family unit unravels with devastating consequences.
SS Breakdown: Hmmm… this one intrigues me. It starts out simple then grows into something more interesting and complex. I’m game for Dog, one of the only small-vote entries I’m generally intrigued by.
[ ] must read [x] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Do Not Disturb
9 Votes
Name
When a bumbling pretty-boy criminal screws up a job, he and his scruffy partner decide to lay low at a luxury LA hotel where they cross with a British playwright and a Hollywood starlet. Do Not Disturb is a crime comedy in the vein of GAME NIGHT and IN BRUGES with a little bit of THE WH*TE LOTUS thrown in.
SS Breakdown: I’m not seeing a whole lot here. It’s one of my least-favorite setups in screenwriting – the “Waiting Around” narrative (where the characters wait around). You want characters to be active, not passive. My assessment could change once I get more information. Maybe the characters do have strong goals they’re pursuing while waiting. And you’re always going to pique my interest when you say White Lotus. We’ll see.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Ex-Cons
9 votes
Michael Montemayor
A former husband-and-wife jewel thief duo, now divorced and in jail, must team up
to help the authorities catch the most elusive thief of all: their son.
SS Breakdown: For jewel-thief concepts, this is okay. It does feel like a 25 year old movie idea though.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Golden Boy
9 votes
Connor Martin
To save his cash-strapped soccer club, the owner of SSC Napoli stakes his reputation and taxpayers’ dollars on a mercurial, drug-addicted star named Diego Maradona.
SS Breakdown: Diego Maradona is actually the soccer player I know the most about of any soccer player in history and yet I still can’t muster the enthusiasm to read this script due to the fact that it’s A BIOPICCCCC!!!! BOOOOO!!!!
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Grave Expectations
9 votes
Sam Wright
After the recession hits their funeral business hard, a desperate mother is convinced by her manipulative daughter to start a risky side hustle–selling body parts. Based on a true story.
SS Breakdown: Dark. Different. Two things that can get you a lot of cache in this town. But that’s only if the script is good. This one has potential.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
It’s Not You It’s Me
9 votes
Shane Kennedy & Ant Simpson
When Nick and Sophie break up just days before the lavish destination wedding of his best friend and her sister, they vow to keep it a secret until after the nuptials. But what should be a simple white lie becomes a living nightmare when a mystical encounter turns them into the one thing they hate most in the world: each other.
SS Breakdown: BODDDDDDDYYY SWAPPPPPPPP! Yeah. You thought you could get through the Black List without one but you were WRONG baby. I actually have an affinity for the body swap genre but it’s been a while since I’ve read a good one. Put Sydney Sweeny in this and I’ll be there opening day.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Mildred
9 votes
Josh Corbin
Years after being banished from her family, an aging matriarch returns to the
family business to save her estranged children from a deadly criminal syndicate.
SS Breakdown: I like simple stories. But they need to have SOMETHING that stands out in the concept and this just doesn’t. It’s too simplistic.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
NDA
9 votes
Audrey Ellis Fox
Through a maddening day of mediation for an office harassment claim she filed, the clock is ticking on Dana as she questions the price of her silence, sanity, and the truth.
SS Breakdown: I think this may be the first message script in the whole list. That’s impressive. As for the script itself, I like that it’s a contained time frame. That can take what would normally be small subject matter and give it a dose of gasoline.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
A Payroll To Meet
9 votes
Joseph Sloman
Based on David Whitford’s best-selling book chronicling the true story of college sports’ greatest scandal, a Dallas real estate tycoon spearheads the rise-and-fall of SMU football’s Pony Express.
SS Breakdown: A classic example of the writer assuming that people understand his subject matter as well as he does. We never do. You need to tell us what Pony Express is if you have any shot at getting anyone to read the script.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Ripe!
9 votes
Tusk
Nothing says “It’s complicated” like breaking your crush’s arm. Set in rural Spain against the backdrop of a passionate soccer rivalry, the story follows young protagonists Sohpie and Gloria as they navigate their relationship.
SS Breakdown: And we have a runaway winner for worst logline of the list. This is embarrassing. I hope to the screenwriting gods that the writer didn’t write this. Oof.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [ ] if I have to [x] won’t read
Thumb
9 votes
Cesar Vitale
When a lonely and socially-stunted young woman mistakenly receives a severed thumb in the mail, she makes it her life’s obsession to return it to the hand it once belonged to–putting her on a collision course that will upend her world forever.
SS Breakdown: A small idea but at least it has a little quirkiness to it. The underrated TV show, Bad Monkey, sets the bar for this type of subject matter.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [x] decent [ ] if I have to [ ] won’t read
Yellow Wallpaper
9 votes
Taylor Streitz
A headstrong woman living in 1975 America descends into madness as she battles postpartum depression, dismissive family, and a gaslighting husband. The mounting oppression and untreated psychosis come together to tell the origin story of a haunted house.
SS Breakdown: If I remember correctly, this story is based on a book. Or a short story. It definitely needs a logline upgrade if you’re going to get anyone to read it. Right now it sounds like it’s trying to get you to jump off a cliff.
[ ] must read [ ] curious [ ] decent [x] if I have to [ ] won’t read
And a really important screenwriting lesson on how to create tension in scenes
First of all, I’m giving out THREE Black Friday Half-Off Screenplay Consultations. That’s $249 for 4 pages of notes on a feature or pilot script. These will go quickly so e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com if you want one. Make sure the subject line reads: SCRIPTSHADOW DEAL.
Okay, I wanted to leave you with some screenwriting advice over the weekend.
I’m with family right now and my parents love World War 2 movies so I was stuck watching two of them whether I wanted to or not. The first one was Steve McQueen’s Blitz on Apple TV which is about how, during World War 2, when Germany bombed London, the British sent all the kids out of the city to safety. The story follows one kid who jumps out of the train and travels back to London to return to his mom.
The second movie is Lee, about model-turned-war-photographer Lee Miller, who captured a lot of powerful photographs during World War 2 for Vogue magazine.
Both films are what I would call “Almost Films.” They were almost good. But weak writing reared its ugly head enough times to keep them from ever rising above average. In fact, there were two scenes, one from each film, that best represented this bad writing. And I wanted to highlight those scenes.
Let’s start with Blitz.
In that film, the little kid, George, makes it back to London but is picked up by an evil group of criminals who raid bombed buildings for valuables. They need children, specifically, to fit into tight spaces. So one of the following scenes has George crawling through a bombed jewelry store to snag every watch and necklace he can find.
However, while he’s there, a couple of policemen burst in on the other side, looking for looters. The musical score becomes tense as George hides behind some debris. The score increases in intensity as the cops get closer and closer to him until, right as they’re about to spot him, George kicks some debris, causing a partial building collapse that sends the cops running back outside to safety.
To an average writer, this may seem like a good scene. You place your hero in a somewhat dangerous situation. Then, to make it worse, he might get caught. But let’s look at this scene more closely. Who is it that George is with? He’s with REALLY BAD DANGEROUS GUYS! Therefore, if the cops were to spot him, THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING! The cops would get him away from this dangerous gang AND, after everything was cleared up, reunite him with his mom.
You must design your tension-filled scenes so that they actually create tension. There is no tension if the people who might find you and take you are better than the people you’re currently stuck with. This seems obvious to me. I don’t know why it isn’t for a WGA writer getting to write a 30 million dollar movie.
You didn’t even need to bring cops into this scene to create tension. Have George snag a bunch of jewelry. He squeezes back through the little pathways to the bad guys back at the entrance. Then, Head Bad Guy says, “No, you need to go back and get [the item that’s placed in the most dangerous place in the bombed room]. You can’t come back until you get it.” Have it be some item that requires George to maneuver up a very shaky foundation of bombed debris. A single wrong step and it’ll all come tumbling down and he’ll be buried under 20 tons of rubble. THAT’S A TENSION-FILLED SCENE.
Let’s move on to “Lee.” This movie was VERY poorly written. There was zero plot. The only thing it has going for it is a twist ending that packs an emotional gut punch. Other than that, it was your classic biopic: Wikipedia life highlights. The End.
In one particular scene, deep into the story, Lee and her assistant, Davy, have made their way into Germany immediately after the war has ended, and are at Hitler’s apartment. They pay a guard to get inside and find a couple dozen Americans lounging around.
Just like the scene in Blitz, a tension-filled score plays in the background. Lee and Davy walk through this large apartment as, literally, NOT A SINGLE PERSON LOOKS AT THEM. Yet the score keeps ratcheting up the tension. If you’re like me, you’re wondering, why is this supposed to be a tense scene? These are their allies. There is, literally, no reason to feel any tension. And yet, that’s how the scene continues to be presented.
Finally, Lee and Davy get to the bathroom. They close the door, and Lee quickly disrobes. Davy, catching on, sets up the camera. And as the tension-filled score reaches a climax, Davy takes a picture of Lee in the bathtub. End of scene.
The inaneness of this scene was so baffling to me that I went online and looked for more context. I eventually learned that this was a real picture that Lee Miller took and that was published.
In other words, the writer’s plan, in order to create tension, was to assume that everyone who watched this movie already knew about this photo. Because that is the ONLY REASON why there would be tension to this scene – that we already knew what it was Lee and Davy were going to do.
Except if I went into the middle of any city in the U.S. right now and asked 1000 random people if they had heard of Lee Miller Hitler’s bathroom photo, all 1000 of them would tell me that they had no idea what I was talking about.
I see this mistake a lot. Biopic screenwriters assuming that others know as much about their subject as they do. They never do. And, hence, you will get zero tension out of this scene.
To create tension, place her in a room FILLED WITH ACTUAL NAZIS. Have her and Davy have to squeeze past that. I guarantee you that scene will be a million times more compelling than this scene. Heck, this Key and Peele sketch has more tension than the Hitler bathroom scene. I’m not exaggerating. I have more fear for Key and Peele here than I ever did Lee and Davy.
The lesson of today is, put the pot ON THE BURNER. Don’t put it near the burner. Don’t put it half on the burner. If you want to mine the most tension out of your scene, put the pot on the burner and jack up the heat as high as it will go.
A 3 million dollar spec sale and a script that might change the industry forever
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
Premise: A low level worker at a cutting edge tech firm is challenged by the company’s previous fallen CEO to find out what a mysterious recently fired AI coder was working on.
About: They said that unknown writers can’t sell specs. And when they do, they’re lucky to crack 6 figures. Well, today’s unknown writer sold his spec for 3.25 million dollars last week. Here’s how The Hollywood Reporter tells it: “According to insiders, Dotan had written his script then called one of two people he knew in Hollywood. That led to Dotan connecting with two literary managers from Untitled Entertainment, known mostly for its talent roster but which had acquired boutique lit firm Grandview only a few months earlier. The managers signed the writer off a Zoom meeting with the goal of quickly packaging the script and swiftly taking it to market. AI may be a hot topic now, but if you’re making a movie on the subject — one that wouldn’t hit until a few years later — the window of interest is small.”
Writer: Natan Dotan
Details: 105 pages
That’s a very intriguing header! Change the industry forever??
What could it possibly mean?
I’ll get into that in a bit.
But first let’s go over the plot to this gigantic spec sale.
Peter is a low level worker at this giant new tech company that has created the flashiest new AI chatbot around, Lambda-4. Lambda has helped skyrocket profits but because the company is growing fast, they don’t have enough money to fund the growth. Which means, in order to save the company, they have to make a deal with an investor they don’t like.
Not long after this, Peter’s boss, Alan, is fired under a shroud of mystery. Word on the street is that Alan was working on some game-changing AI technology. Will, the former CEO of the company, along with Mina, another low-level worker, approach Peter to see what he knows about his former boss’s work. They suspect something shady might be going on.
Their instincts turn out to be right. Lambda-4 is using its tentacles to gum up the aviation system, causing drastic airline delays everywhere. It is then shorting the stock of all those airlines. Its plan seems to be to make tons of money for the company at others’ expense. This scares the bejesus out of Will, who only fell from grace at the company due to being the lone moral compass. He leads the charge to get current CEO, Harry, to roll back Lambda to version 3 until they can sort this out.
Harry terminates that idea, reminding Will that if they revert to version 3, it will scare off the investor who just saved their company. So Will calls a meeting with the board members. They agree to meet in 72 hours, which gives Peter, Will, and Mina, three days to convince enough board members to vote Lambda down. In that time, Peter realizes that Lambda’s plan is even more nefarious and that it’s manipulating markets in India, Pakistan, and other third world countries. What is Lambda’s endgame? And if it’s as bad as we think it is, will there be time to stop it?
Before I answer that early question, let’s talk about why this script may have sold for three million dollars. For starters, it incorporates more GSU than a Scriptshadow comments section. It actually uses some advanced tactics in doing so as it first sets a 36 hour deadline to get the initial problem solved and then an additional 72 hour deadline to convince the board members to take Lambda offline.
Why is this “advanced?” Because many writers would have combined those two time frames and turned them into a total deadline of 5 days. By splitting up the urgency into two distinct parts, it tricks the reader into thinking things are moving along faster than they are, as we’re first moving quickly to the 36 hour resolution. Then as soon as that is done, we’re right back into another immediate deadline.
The reason urgency is so valuable in a spec screenplay is that people don’t have time to read. And the promise to the reader that answers are coming soon tricks them into turning the pages. If you instead implied that answers were coming in the far off future, busy people are less likely to keep reading. Or, I should say, they are more likely to stop reading should any hint of bad writing surface.
The other recent giant spec sale, Love of Your Life, didn’t have any urgency. But it was much better written. Which is a major lesson for all of you. Well-incorporated GSU is good at distracting from writing weaknesses. Even if the reader isn’t spellbound by the screenplay, he figures, “Well, everything’s wrapping up in less than a 2-day timeframe anyway so I might as well keep going.”
Another reason the script sold is because of its buzzy subject matter. This one’s pretty obvious but if you write about stuff that’s trending in the news, people are going to be interested in checking it out. Especially if you incorporate it into a high concept idea. Which leads me to the next reason it sold…
The stakes are sky-high. We’re talking about the end of the world. That always helps when you’re attempting to sell an idea. The lower the stakes, the less the chance a “I need to buy this” moment is going to happen within the reader.
The script is also a fast read. Almost the entire thing is dialogue. So your eyes are flying down the page. Are you seeing a theme here? The writer is doing a lot of things to make this an effortless experience. Throw a high-concept hat on top of that and, while it will not guarantee a big splashy script sale, it certainly gives you a shot at one.
Finally, there’s the cost of making the movie. This would be, similar to Margin Call, very cheap to shoot. We’re talking 5 million bucks. 10 million if you wanted decent names. 20 million if you wanted a big star in there. Any time you can create something that FEELS BIG yet doesn’t cost a lot of money? That’s like having a script that’s made of gold. It’s incredibly valuable.
So, now to the big question.
Why do I think this might change the industry?
Because I suspect AI helped write this script. I don’t know that for sure. And I don’t know by how much. But my spidey sense is tingling. Unknown writer? 3 million dollar sale from a company that isn’t a studio??
If feels like a script where you provided AI with this prompt: “Write me a 100 page screenplay based on the movie Margin Call but instead of the company malfeasance only affecting the company, make the malfeasance AI and have it try to take down the entire world.”
This script is verrrrrrryyyyyy similar to Margin Call. I can say that because I remember reading and reviewing that script here on the site, well before it went on to get made. Everything about this feels similar. To the point where I could almost smell the AI building its scenes on those Margin Call scenes.
It also feels like this AI, if it did write some of this, had combed through the entire Scriptshadow library. This script is GSU crazy, to the point where it has GSU within GSU. It’s almost like the AI learned the importance of GSU and went overboard with it.
Another AI tell is that there is almost zero character work. Since we know that that’s where AI is weakest, it would make sense why we get so little of it.
But the main reason is that the storytelling quality just isn’t there.
I did not feel connected to a single character here. It is impossible for me to care what happens in a screenplay if I don’t care about any of the characters. This could’ve easily been remedied. Peter is such an underdog. Fleshing him out even a teensy bit would’ve provided so much more of a human connection.
Next, the AI-takeover plot did not build in an effective way. The first half of the script is all about the AI delaying planes because they burn fuel while they’re waiting to take off which is going to lose the airlines a lot of money. The AI would then bet against these airlines on the stock market and make a bunch of money in the process.
I don’t know about you but when I go to see an “Evil AI” movie, plane delays aren’t exactly my number one choice for a plotline. My AI spidey-sense has me wondering if they plugged a secondary prompt into ChatGPT that went something like this: “Use Wall Street for plot inspiration.”
From there, the larger scope of the AI’s plan is messy. At first we’re told that it’s tanking the stock market in India of all places. We see a few montages of riots in various third-world countries. Then, out of nowhere, the AI says it wants nuclear war. It does not tell you why it wants nuclear war. It just says, “nuclear war” after a vague question from Will. So it wants to destroy the world… to make more money for the company??
How does that make sense? There is no AI if the world has been blown up.
For me, I much prefer Leave The World Behind. It covers a lot of the same territory but in a more clever and visual way. Those two amazing visual scenes alone – the one with the Tesla cars and the one with the oil tanker crashing into the beach – did more to tell us the world was falling apart than anything Alignment did.
There were a couple of final small [good] things that stood out to me about Alignment, though. There’s this moment early on when Will asks Peter the question, “Is it sentient?” And Peter kind of glances at Will and Mina like, ‘these poor guys don’t get it.’ “Oh, uh, no,” Peter says. “We don’t really worry about sentience anymore. — that’s a philosophical question. — These AIs passed the Turing test years ago, so what would sentience even mean? All we really care about is alignment. Like, does the model’s behavior align with what we want it to do.”
That TERRIFIES me! People in the AI world don’t even think about sentience anymore?? It’s just some thing that may or may not be happening? Another life form is operating parallel to us but we don’t care?? That freaked me out!
The other thing about the script I liked is that, late in the story, all the board members that Will and Peter and Maya have meticulously gotten on their side all begin to turn on them. Not only that, but the FBI shows up. They have evidence that Will is a Chinese agent. It’s then when Peter and Mina and Will realize what’s happening. The AI is no longer just influencing the markets. It’s influencing the board members. It’s influencing the authorities. All so it can continue to do what it wants. That was the one genuinely creative development I encountered in the script.
So, as much as I would love to recommend this, it has too many faults. It’s a strange blend of Margin Call, Wall Street, Industry, The Net, War Games, Leave the World Behind, and Succession that SHOULD have been great. But its weak character development and messy plot execution killed it for me.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: It’s easy, when writing plot-heavy and technical-heavy screenplays, to forget about fleshing out the characters. You’re so focused on moving things along quickly and getting all the plot beats where they need to be and fitting in all that technical exposition, that character depth falls by the wayside. Plot-heavy thrillers are never going to be the best vehicles for character development. But, at the very least, flesh out your hero. I would’ve loved to have known more about Peter. Who his family was. If he was married. What his flaw was. What he wants out of life. Any sort of adversity he might be going through. Do just a little work on that main character and they can go from 2-D to 3-D fast.
What I learned 2: A lot of people say it’s impossible to make a splashy sale as a “nobody” writer but I actually think it works in your favor. Everyone wants to be the one who breaks out an exciting new writer who nobody’s heard of. So don’t let your anonymity deter you. Assuming this was, indeed, a real writer. :)